Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ notice ❯ Reaction ( Chapter 10 )

Title: Reaction

Overall Rating: NC-17 for mature themes. Not for the impressionable.

Chapter Rating: PG

DISCLAIMER: The series Gundam Wing and the characters therein do not belong to me. I'm just putting them in different situations to see how they react.

Chapter Summary: Withdrawal symptoms? But Duo doesn't do drugs. Or is he starting to really lose it?

* * *

"Hey, you ok?"

"Huh?" Duo looked up.

"You stopped eating. Something wrong?"

"Nah, just got a little queasy for a minute there." He grinned. "Must be your cooking."

"Maybe." I shrugged. "Except for one thing. You cooked tonight."

Damn, he's gorgeous when he blushes.

"Heh, yeah, I did," he said with a sheepish grin. "Well, that's it then. It's my cooking that's messed with my stomach." He took another bite. "Can't be all that bad, though. It's gone now."

"Yeah, that had to be it."

It's been three days now since Duo started on the new medication. I haven't really noticed much of a difference, but then, he had seemed pretty much back to normal. It wasn't like Duo, though, to get an upset stomach. If I didn't know better, I'd say the thing was most likely made out of gundanium. I've seen the boy eat. I should know.

The next day I began to get a bit concerned. Duo wasn't inhaling everything like he normally did.

"What?"

"You sure you're ok?"

"Hmm? Yeah, why?"

"That's only your first helping, and you've been just playing around with that for the last few minutes. That isn't like you. I thought you liked my stir fry."

"I do." He gave up and pushed his plate away. "I don't know. It's weird. I'm hungry…well, sort of, but kind of nauseous too. Not really sick, like I really want to throw up or anything, but just sort of… queasy."

"Did you eat anything that might not have agreed with you?"

"You mean other than your cooking?"

"Cute."

"I am, aren't I?" He grinned at me. "I'm kidding, about the cooking anyway." He thought for a minute. "No, nothing out of the ordinary. Maybe it's that new medication. I'll call Sally in the morning and find out, k?"

"Good idea."

The next day went well. Sally told Duo that a side effect of the medication was nausea and that it should subside in a few days once his body got used to it. Not having an empty stomach might help ease the symptoms.

"You heard the lady. I'm under orders to eat."

I laughed at him. "Like that's ever been a problem?"

Duo just growled playfully and headed for the kitchen.

* * *

Sunday was a quiet day, general chores and laundry as per usual. As the afternoon wore on, we were once again working on the puzzle.

"Hey, Heero, hand me that piece, will you? The black one with the blue stripe on it."

I picked up the requested piece and held it in his direction. When he didn't take it immediately, I looked up. Duo was staring at his hand with a confused expression. He was repeatedly opening and closing his fist.

"What's up?"

"I don't know. I just got the shakes for a minute there. But I'm fine now."

I sat back and looked at him. "Are you sure you're ok?"

Duo shook his hand a final time then grinned at me. "Yeah, I'm fine. Now, where's my piece?" His grin changed to a leer.

"Baka," I said, laughing at him as I tossed him the requested puzzle piece.

We resumed working on the puzzle, albeit a bit slower than before. Duo would pause frequently, clenching his fist while I worked with one eye on the pieces and the other on him. After a while, Duo stood.

"Where are you going?"

"Bathroom. You want anything while I'm up?"

"No, I'm fine."

I continued finding mating pieces, unconsciously listening for the flush of the toilet. Eventually, it dawned on me that I wasn't hearing anything. I stood to go look for my roommate.

I found Duo sitting on his bed, his arms across his chest, hands desperately clutching his upper arms. I could see where the fingernails were digging into the skin. His eyes were closed and he was biting his lip, rocking back and forth.

"Duo?" I called quietly.

Duo's eyes flew open. Panic showed clearly in those violet depths. He was visibly trembling.

I sat beside him and gently pried his fingers from his arms.

"I don't know what happened. I can't stop shaking." He leaned forward, clasping his hands between his knees. His grip was so tight his knuckles were white. "What's wrong with me?" His hands separated and he raised them, fisting them beside his head. Slowly, deliberately, he opened and re-clenched his fists several times. He raised his head, then buried his face in his hands. "I just want to start clawing. There's no itching or anything, it's just… I want to… start stripping the skin or something. Damn! I swear I feel like I need a fix or something."

"But you don't do drugs."

"I KNOW!" He stood suddenly and started pacing. "I almost wish I did. That way this feeling would make sense!"

I went up to him and started rubbing his back in slow circles, trying to calm him. "Breathe, Duo. Take deep, cleansing breaths. You're going to be ok. I'm here. I won't let anything happen to you."

Duo collapsed against me, shaking like a leaf. "Why is this happening?'

'I don't know."

He chuckled, humorlessly. "You know, a padded cell sure sounds good right now."

I stiffened. "Do you…" My voice cracked so I tried again. "Do you need me to call someone?"

Duo thought about that for a few minutes. Finally, he shook his head, his tremors calming slightly. "No. I'm not going to really do anything. I want to, though." He took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. "Gods, I want to." He looked up at me and gave me the worst attempt at a smile I'd ever seen on his face. "But you won't let me, will you?"

I tightened my arms. "No, I won't. I won't let anyone hurt you…not even yourself."

He burrowed into my arms a bit more. "Just hold me, ok? I think I need that."

"Of course." I helped him into his bed and snuggled against him, holding him tightly. "Maybe it's another side effect of the medication. We should call Sally."

"She's out of town this weekend…unavailable."

"What about the counselor. Do you want to call him?"

"No. What could he do? Talk me out of it?" He squirmed closer. "Don't need him anyway. I have you."

"Then we'll call Sally first thing in the morning. If you can't get an appointment, we'll just camp in her office until she can see you."

"That'll work."

We stayed like that the rest of the night. Neither of us bothered to get up to turn off the lights or lock the door. Holding Duo was much more important. He needed it and it seemed to help. Duo had a couple more bouts of uncontrolled shaking before finally dropping off into an exhausted sleep. I kept a vigil as long as I could before dropping into a doze also. The reflexes I'd had all those years ago came back with a vengeance. Every sound or tremor from Duo and I was wide awake, checking on him. It was a long night.

* * *

Getting an appointment was easy. We were told to be there in an hour. Duo started shaking again as we left and shivered the entire trip.

Sally was surprised at the reaction and concerned for Duo. Apparently the medication wasn't working…

No shit.

No one wanted to admit Duo to a hospital if that could be helped, including Duo. An alternative was tried. He was given a couple of new prescriptions; one for a different anti-depressant and one for something to take for a few days to try to manage the shaking. Neither Sally nor Duo and I were sure if the tremors were being caused by a physical problem or a psychological one. Sally stated that she was sure that the mental status had at least something to do with it. They discussed the counseling sessions, briefly. Duo told her that they seemed to be helping, but he'd only been to two, so it was a bit early to really tell. He was, however, determined to work through whatever this was. We left with the prescriptions and Sally's whole-hearted wish for luck.

On the way home, Duo pulled out his cell-phone and called the counseling office. An appointment was available for first thing in the morning.

"That takes care of the physical end and I'll talk to the counselor in the morning."

"Do you still think you'll need the hospital?"

Duo was silent for a bit. "I don't know. I sort of want to. Just to let the experts take over for a while. But I don't want to be out for that length of time…not really." He sighed. "I'm going to wait and talk to him in the morning. Let him decide. After all, that's his area of expertise, right?"

"Right."

* * *

The medication seemed to help the shaking. The rest of the day went well. He was to take it twice a day for the next couple of days to get him over the 'hump'. Then start the new antidepressant. In the early evening, Duo suddenly stood and headed to the cabinet where we'd stored the "shaking" pills. He said that he was starting to feel like clawing again, so it was probably time for the next dose. Apparently, it was working. He didn't have the shakes anymore that evening.

Duo slept with me that night. He didn't want to be alone and I wanted to be close to him also. Since I hadn't slept well the night before and Duo seemed better, I had no trouble dropping off.

I woke around midnight to an empty bed. Concerned, I rose to go look for Duo. I found him in his own bed. He was staring at his forearm. There was a thin trail of blood going from just below his wrist to almost his elbow. I watched in horror as he pulled his arm to his mouth and licked the trail away. Then he began sucking on his wrist. I ran over and pulled his arm away.

"What are you doing?"

Duo jerked his arm away. He curled into a ball, cradling the arm to his chest. "It wasn't permanent." He looked at the arm briefly before cradling it again. "It's just a small bruise. It'll be gone in a day or two."

"Duo, why? What happened? What did you do?"

Duo barely looked at me before turning to stare into space. "I was just scratching and noticed how the veins popped up. I thought how easy it would be to just…nick one. Not badly, just a little. It was beautiful, you know? So dark a red against such pale skin. I just had to taste it." He looked at what had to be an expression of horror on my face. His own expression turned guilty. "I'm losing it, aren't I?"

"Oh, Duo." I pulled him into my arms and noticed that he was trembling again. "Just hold out a bit longer. We'll see the counselor first thing in the morning, ok? He'll tell us what to do." I tilted his head up to look at me. "Can you manage to wait that long? Or do I need to call tonight?"

"I guess I can wait for morning."

"No more blood?"

"No." I felt a tear drip onto my arm. "I'm scared, Heero. I don't want to die, not really."

"I know. Don't worry. We'll get you the help you need. I promise."

TBC

(eventually)