Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ On The Bridge ❯ Chapter 1

On The Bridge

Author: CodyB

 

(A/N: I listened to the song Iris, by the Goo Goo Dolls, one day, and this plot bunny popped into my head)

Disclaimer: I don't own this series, or the song, just the story.

And you can't fight the tears that ain't comin'

The wind whips by, blowing my braid all over the place. It is comforting, calming, soothing. The wind dries my eyes, fatiguing them, and I reach up a hand to rub them. There are no tears there, but why would there be? I stopped crying months ago. I look down to the road below. It's just before rush hour, and the traffic is just starting to build, cars flying by, people, endless people, their lives flying by, unawares of what's happening right above them, or rather, will be happening. I look around, and see cars flying by on the bridge, no one seeming to notice that there's a boy standing on the other side of the rail. So why am I standing here, ready to jump? `Cause my friends have all abandoned me. Wait. Friends? What friends?

Or the moment of truth in your lies

I have no friends, not in reality. In fantasy, I have four great friends, comrades who fought with me in that fucking war, forming that `unbreakable bond of friendship.' That's what `Fei said, at least, but fuckin liars, all of them. Did they honestly thing I would be taken in by that `friends forever' bullshit? Did they think that I didn't notice their looks of utter repulse every time they saw two guys dancing together at a club? I'm not stupid, you know. I can see the way they look at people. The way they would look at me if they knew… But I held together hope.

When everything feels like the movies

Hope. Hope that everything would turn out okay, just like in those romance movies. That's what life has felt like for these past two years. Just a movie, a montage of time passing in chunks, but seeming impossibly long. Hope that those looks weren't really for what they seemed to be for. Hope that my `friends' weren't really as closed-minded as they appeared to be. But life isn't like the movies…

“What are you guys getting so upset for, they're just dancing.”

“But they're fags! This isn't a god-forsaken gay bar! What're they doin' here?”

“You do remember why that war started right, because of hate and lack of open minds.”

“Yeah, that was different. Those guys aren't human, they are going straight to hell.”

Hearing that from Heero, was like the glass of reality shattering into a million microscopic pieces around me, laying on the ground for people to trod on, as if they were treading on my dreams; it felt like they were walking on my life. The weeks after that just sped by…

Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

…and I couldn't tell what was reality, and what was fantasy. I remember people saying `pinch me, I think I'm dreaming' all the time back when I was a kid, but I think by that time my soul was numb. Not just from disbelief; I'd always known that Heero was a cold-hearted bastard, but I was surprised to hear the other three agree with him; but from pain as well. It hurt beyond anything I could have expected to hear my friends talk that way. So I tried something more drastic. One day I just grabbed one of my knives, and cut a line on my forearm. It hurt, but it was a good pain. For the first time in weeks, I'd felt alive. That feeling of numbness returned though. So I cut more. More and more the time between cuts shrank, until all I could do to feel alive was to be in constant pain. Sad, I know.

And I don't want the world to see me

After that moment of……..revelation, of personal Armageddon, I'd moved out and gotten an apartment by myself. I broke my phone and didn't get a new one. I totally tried to cut off all contact with the other four ex-pilots. But to no avail. They found me after a week. They picked to lock when I was out, so I installed six deadbolts and left only when I needed food. They put notes under the door, promising friendship and a ready ear. I ignored them…

`Cause I don't think that they'd understand

…because how am I supposed to confide in a friend the one secret I know he will hate me for. How would they understand how hard it is to be so different that people would hate you for just that one thing? For liking boys when boys were supposed to like girls. How could they understand being hated for having feelings they can't control?

When everything's made to be broken

After about a year of being secluded from the world and it's hate, Heero knocked on my door one last time.

“I know you're in there Maxwell. If you don't want to see me, fine. If you don't want to talk to me, fine. But you could show me and the others the goddamn common courtesy of explaining why.” Silence…

“Okay then. Don't ever expect me to ever knock on this door again.” And he was gone. The next day I finally decided to do the deed. I'd been thinking of it for months. My will to live just flickered out, like a dying flame, and I came to a decision.

I just want you to know who I am

The same day, just to show my independence, and to show `goddamn common courtesy,' I sent each of the four a letter, explaining why I had shut myself off, and mailed them overnight in the drop box on the corner. It was just after noon, and I walked to the bridge.

I just want you to know who I am

I look up, to the left. I'm standing halfway across the bridge, and I see a figure running on the railing. That would probably be Trowa then. He's yelling something, but I ignore him. I call out to him “Tell Heero I love him.” Now knowing whether or not he hears me though, I jump. I try and twist myself so I'll land headfirst at the bottom of this two hundred foot drop. Time seems to slow, the fall taking an eternity, and just when there's only fifty-forty-thirty feet to go, I hear a loud horn start to blare, I look up, no, down, and I see the grey pave-