Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Opium ❯ Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I don't own gundam wing or any of its characters. I don't even own my car so don't sue me*_*

Opium

By: Lara Winner

Staring up into his cold calculating blue eyes she smiled, her lips curling into a smirk. Taking a step back she felt the familiar tremors of anticipation begin to flutter through out her body. Without warning he reached out grasping her shirt and ripping the smooth material sending buttons scattering across the hard wood floor. She watched intently as his eyes coldly skimmed every inch of her exposed skin, their distant yet intense depths slowly beginning to spark to life with lust.

Roughly he pushed her back on the bed pinning her slender willowy form beneath him She didn't flinch from the violent storm of 'so called' emotions flickering in his eyes like a candle flame in the wind. Blindly she began to tug at his shirt, hastily pulling the bottom from his pants. Running her trembling fingers over his warm smooth skin she felt the last of her 'so called' reservations flee from her mind. She pushed his shirt up scratching her nails up his chest the higher her hands moved. Impatiently he ripped the shirt over his head and she couldn't help but laugh knowingly. His eyes narrowed and before she could even breathe her lips were covered in a crushing brutal kiss.

No hint of gentleness existed in the kiss but it didn't matter. She moaned excitedly as he forced her lips open, his tongue staking his claim as it toyed with hers. Reaching up she linked her arms around his neck running her fingers through his soft unkempt hair. At the touch he hissed faintly against her mouth as he positioned his legs in between hers. Sitting up he pulled her with him sliding her to sit astride his lap. With her short skirt ridding up her thighs she spread her legs wider and ground her hips down against him through his slacks she could feel the proof of his desire hard and unyielding as he matched her impatient movements rubbing it against her agonizingly.

Breaking away from the kiss she licked her swollen stinging lips and she gasped for air. Pressing even closer against him she bit her lip as his hands slid up her back expertly unhooking the lacy white bra that covered her breasts. He carelessly tossed the garment to the floor his mouth already moving down her throat to her supple breasts. Pinching and biting the skin she gasped in pleasured pain knowing she would bare the marks of this encounter for days to come. Feeling herself getting wetter by the second she whimpered rubbing against him again. Clawing her nails into his back sharply he moaned ever so faintly.

Smiling evilly she then pushed him away scooting off his lap and further up the bed. Her heart thumping as fury jumped to life in his eyes mixing with he already burning desire there. Roughly he grasped her thighs his fingers biting into the flesh sharply as he pulled back toward him. Hooking his fingers into the wet crotch of her virginal white panties he ripped them off her body. When her skirt followed suit she lay before him naked.

His lips quirked in a cruel grin as he let his fingers move the wet heat between her legs. Closing her eyes her hips automatically inched to meet his hand as he rubbed her soft flesh with hard quick strokes. Her fists clenching the sheets she gasped repeatedly as the sensations rocked her entire body. She was on the verge of climaxing when he pulled away gazing down at her coldly.

Meeting his eyes her own fury rose mixing with the unsatisfied desire pounding within her. Sitting up again she kneeled before him as she angrily ripped open his pants. Freeing his hard proud erection she climbed up on his lap impaling herself upon him. Gripping the bedposts she began to meet his frenzied thrusts rocking her hips back and forth. His mouth found her neck and closing her eyes she saw stars as he sucked hard, leaving mark after mark on her pale white skin. He fondled her breasts with his large hands, squeezing and kneading the flesh making her nipples throb with teasing pleasure. He continued to ram into her, each stroke of his body going deeper within her.

His heavy breathing rang loudly in her ears as he panted against her neck. Finally he grabbed her wrists and pushed her on her back. Not missing a stroke he pushed her knees toward her chest and she cried out as the pleasure intensified each time he entered her.

Her body arched as she felt the last of her consciousness fade away. He covered her mouth with his just she screamed in to his kiss as the orgasm pounded her body. She felt him groan as he began to shudder, his hot seed spilling into her in repeated bursts of warmth.

Then as quickly as it hit the orgasm faded and with it all the passion that had consumed her heart. He pulled away lying on his back beside her and she didn't bother opening her eyes. She was sore and sticky and sweaty. Sitting up she didn't even spare him a second glance. Just to break the still silence that now surrounded them she muttered, "I'm going to take a shower."

"Hn." Was his only reply.

As expected he didn't offer to join her and she didn't extend out the invitation. Walking across the room she shivered slightly as the heat of her body that was raging only moments ago was now chilled to non-existence. She could smell his cologne rising off her skin mixed with the flowery perfume she wore and her stomach turned. Now that her desire was stated she was momentarily flooded with the disgust of her actions. It wouldn't last. It never did. In a few more moments she wouldn't feel anything and when she returned from the shower he would be gone.

Closing the door behind her she flinched as she faced her reflection in the bathroom mirror under the harsh light. Her sandy hair was tangled, falling about her shoulders in messy waves. Her lips were red and puffy from his kisses and her throat was already beginning to discolor in several spots. She grimaced at the evidence left from their meaningless actions.

Turning on the hot water she stepped under the scalding spray eager to remove all traces of his touch from her body. Running the soap over her lithe curves she scrubbed her skin till it tingled, as if by using friction she could erase the guilt of their little obsession.

She didn't bother to lie to herself anymore. She'd stopped that years ago. Once upon a time she had fancied herself in love with the great Heero Yuy but that was a childish thought. Deep within her she had known it wasn't love but the need to be loved was too strong for her to let herself think other wise. She didn't admit the truth till she was finally forced to open her eyes to the harsh reality that was her life.

Once she had analyzed her fascination with the emotionless pilot she realized that she wasn't drawn to him with her heart. It was simply an obsession. She wanted to be like him in so many ways she found herself fixating on him, imitating his strength even though she had none to posses. Ironically he was drawn to her for similar reasons. He needed to be surrounded by something humane and with the ability to feel, the very things beyond his comprehension. And together they destroyed in themselves the only things they could call their own, their souls.

She didn't have to ask herself why she let him use her body. She was taking the advantage of using his just the same. She found it rather amusing that now that after all these years and after so many nights of brief intense little rendezvous they still found some sort of solace in each other in that all to short moment of physical pleasure. Yet he never failed to arouse her. He never failed to push her desire and her lust beyond the breaking point, and that was the very thing that kept them coming back for more. On some level he felt safe and secure in her arms and she knew why. She didn't make demands. She never asked him to stay and she never said she loved him. She didn't feel the need to lie and say things she didn't mean and it was only hypocrisy that she force him to give her things he didn't feel in return.

Deep it the recesses of her soul where the last little remnant of her heart still remained a small childish voice scolded her for this. It told her that she was worth more than to just be the sex toy of an unappreciative soldier. But her heart was so shattered that the voice wasn't strong enough to give birth to hope. It wasn't strong enough to revitalize her soul and set her free from the layers of ice she had erected over time. Sadly enough these moments with Heero were the only escape she had from the personal hell that consumed her. And to think that as a child she had higher hopes than to be "Queen of the World".

At the thought her mouth twisted into a snarl. She would give her very life to be free of that title. People judged her for her beliefs. People criticized her for her choices. People demanded her time, energy, and patience. Every waking thought that crossed her mind was for the fucking people. Just because she was rich didn't mean she had her hearts desire. Money couldn't buy her the one thing she had wanted more than anything. The one dream she had wanted above all others. All she had ever wanted was a real family and home. A place to truly belong. It was something she never had and now she knew she never would.

Had her parents cared about her? At one time she thought they did but she wasn't their real daughter. They never hugged her and told her they were proud. Instead they shipped her from one boarding school to the next and when they had time for her, which was rare occasion indeed, they would try and spoil her into believing the gifts they could give her could equal the emotion of love that they didn't feel. Her only consolation and wish was that one day she would have a child of her own that she could lavish all her affection on and would love her unconditionally in return. But that dream had been shattered when she realized that her career as keeper of the peace didn't allow the pleasure of a family. It was too bad that nobody saw past her money and her power. She hated having the name Peacecraft and like she had millions of times before she wished that she could have been a normal ordinary person. But fate hadn't let her choose and nobody seemed to notice that the hope of the world had lost her hope long ago. There was only one person who saw the pain and hate she harbored in her soul, the very damning emotions she let take over, and that was Heero.

She supposed that was why she didn't hate him or the way they carried on. He never judged her. He was able to look past her illusion of perfection and see the real woman that she was and he still deemed her worthy. Worthy of what she wasn't sure, but whatever the hell they had between them it was the only thing keeping her sane. But nothing came without a cost and the price of this euphoria was her last shred of pride. She didn't repel his touch and she didn't want to. In her own eyes that condemned her.

Turning off the water she quickly dried herself and wrapping the towel around her small delicate body she shivered as the cool air swirled over her damp flesh. Looking in the mirror again she sighed tiredly. The reflection staring back at her was youthful, the image of beauty, but her eyes told the tale. The once clear blue was now dull, their inner brilliance faded. They carried a hunted look, like a secret mystery that was terrifying in it's self if ever discovered. Her eyes were that of an old woman, weary and tired, not those of a twenty-five year old girl. She gasped as she realized that if they were only a shade darker they would look the same as his….

Shaking her head she turned from the visual proof of her apathy. Indeed, it was better to pretend she cared, at least she had something to hold on to, even if it was a lie.

Not analyzing that last thought she jerked open the door and stiffened slightly as the cooler air of her room invaded the small steam filled bathroom. She froze however as she found the object of her comparisons sitting on her bed staring directly at her intently. Her eyes roamed over him not flinching from his distant merely observant gaze. He was dressed again. His dark green shirt was rumpled as were his pants but he looked no worse for the wear. He had combed his naturally unruly bangs into so semblance of order but the effect still did not dissipate the dangerous almost exotic air that surrounded him. Her gaze flicked to his side. He had picked up her discarded clothing also and laid them neatly in pile on the edge of her bed.

Not knowing what to say or why he was still present in her room she averted her gaze and walked to her closet. She pulled out an old faded T-shirt and a pair of boxers. A small indifferent smile crossed her lips as she realized they were his. He had left them after one of his visits and she never bothered to give them back. After all they were comfortable and she deserved some payment for the services she rendered him.

With no need to feign modesty when he'd seen all she had to offer time and again she changed ignoring the Prussian gaze that followed her every move. She waited for him to speak. There was a reason was still here, Heero Yuy always had a reason for every thing he did. When he still didn't speak she risked a glance at his face and a frown creased her brow. He was now staring at the Persian throw rug in the middle of the floor his hands folded with his elbows resting on his knees. After a few moments of silence she felt the last of her patience snap.

"Care to tell me what's wrong?" She asked with mild curiosity.

"I think I'm finally beginning to see the gray area, Relena." He replied softly.

Her frown deepened as she pondered his words. "What do you mean by gray area?"

"I was taught to see things black and white. One way or no way. I was trained to be the perfect human machine. But as we both no that is an oxymoron. It is impossible to be both. I am not perfect, I'm human and I hate my humanity. Yet I can't avoid it." He answered in his usual monotone voice.

"So you've finally found that happy medium in which to live by?" She asked unable to deny her interest in the conversation. Rarely did they idly chat much less have a heart to heart talk. The irony in her thought made her smile ruefully.

"No. There is no happy medium and that's the gray area. There is no black and white. Everything is gray. I am what I am. I seek to change myself but why? Why bother when that is the only existence I know? And I wonder why you try to change yourself?" He asked tonelessly.

"Change? What do you mean?" She asked as she swallowed hard. This conversation was hitting home. Her own thoughts were just a little too similar for comfort.

"You have always lived by your own set of standards and I've admired that about you. Yet this…." He paused looking up and into her for the first time since he began to speak. Her eyes widened as she saw what looked suspiciously like regret in their depths. "Sometimes I question why we do this? It doesn't solve any of our problems does it?"

"No, it doesn't." She reluctantly admitted. "But we need something and this is working for now."

"Is it?"

Feeling the sting of tears well up behind her eyes she knew what he was getting at. "I don't have standards anymore Heero. I have nothing else to give, so instead I bury myself in my work and try to forget that I could really care less what happens to the world. You were lucky. You were told the truth all along. You didn't have any illusions that were shattered and you didn't have hope that eventually faded. There is no grater pain in this world than to know that you are nothing but meaningless thoughts and repeated words. I'm not a child anymore, I can't pretend that tomorrow will be okay when I know that I am what I am and I can't change. Maybe you're right. What's the point in trying." She said softly. She stiffened as a drop of water fell on her hand. Reaching up she swiped at her cheeks surprised to find her tears flowing freely. She hadn't cried in years.

"But you still feel, and you still hate yourself every time I leave. You still have that hope somewhere inside of you." He insisted almost dispassionately.

"It takes faith to have hope. I don't believe in faith. Not anymore." She whispered.

She continued to stare directly into his eyes. As she watched something gave away with in him. It was hard to describe, even to herself, but for some reason it seemed as if her answer hurt him. Maybe he was hoping she could prove him wrong. Maybe he was looking to her for hope just like everyone else. Feeling the urge to cry once again, she tramped down the tiny ache beginning to grow in her chest. They were doing it again. They were slowly destroying each other one more invisible blow at a time.

"Just answer me one question Relena. Why are you giving up now?" He asked coldly.

"I'm not like you. I'm not strong, I'm not free." She said hissed, all the pain and rage and hurt she kept bottled up filtering through in her voice.

"Freedom?"

"You know damn well why we do this Heero. It kills the pain. No it doesn't solve our problems but fucking kills the pain. With you I can feel free even if just for a moment." She snapped knowing she had just done the one thing she swore she'd never do, give him an explanation. But then she'd never thought he'd ask for one.

"Then we deserve the hell we've created." He muttered angrily as he stood in one fluent movement. She watched him walk to the balcony with anger controlling his every step. It wasn't the first time he'd left angry and it wouldn't be the last.

Unable to help herself she just had to ask, "It kills you to need me doesn't it? A part of you hates me for that."

He stopped at her words and remained silent for a moment. He turned slightly and she could see his profile but he refused to look at her. He answered softly, "No more than you hate me, Relena."

"I don't hate you, Heero." She sighed, brushing at her eyes once more.

"I know."

Without another word he left through her balcony doors just as he always came. She lost track of time as replayed their conversation over and over in her mind. She couldn't deny it, he was her pacifier. He was her security, even if it wasn't real. And she was the same for him.

Running her hands through her still damp hair she sighed out loud in complete frustration. Closing her eyes she muttered, "You'll be back Heero, just like I'll be waiting."

A.N.- I love to write angst. I'm sorry for all 1xR fans. I love the couple too but I just seem to write them two better suffering than happy. I hope you like and be kind, this was the first lemon I've written with them so, even thought I've written *LEMONS*, I dunno. I always get a little shy when I post them. Thanks for reading and I luv ya guys!*_*