Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Ore wa Satsujinhan'nin Desu ❯ Prologue
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Vinyl-Koneko 
Little ficlet about soldiers' post-war guilt and how it can be dealt with... 1+2. COMPLETE.
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 02.25.2002 | Pages: 1 | Words: 617 | Visits: 531 | Status: Completed
Little ficlet about soldiers' post-war guilt and how it can be dealt with... 1+2. COMPLETE.
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 02.25.2002 | Pages: 1 | Words: 617 | Visits: 531 | Status: Completed
Title: Ore wa Satsujinhan'nin Desu
Author: Emily, roguegirl@att.net
Rating: PG-13
Archive: Want it? Take it. Just give me credit.
Warnings: language, 1+2, mentions of self-mutilation, angst
Commments: Wrote this by hand in Spanish class the other day. Excuse any errors as my attempt to get this little ficcie out before the muses killed it. *emphasis*
*~**~*
Hello. I am a killer.
There's no nice way to say it; that's just the way I am.
I'm seventeen years old.
And I'm a killer.
There doesn't seem to be a way to avoid it, either. Well, I *could* lie, but I don't and I never will.
Lying's a sin, you know, and I've committed enough of those already.
Especially since I am a killer.
Back in the days of Rome and Greece, to kill was to add honor to your name. It made you stronger and elevated your status to your peers.
But this is AC 197, not hundreds of thousands of years before Christ. People had less time to sit down and think. Less time to sit down and search for a catharsis that will rid you of a guilt that never goes away.
I am a killer.
Talking, writing, reading, video games, movies, bottling it up, sex, self-mutilation, drinking... I've tried it all, but even as the razor blade draws red, angry lines into the pale surface of my forearm, there is still just one thought.
I am a killer.
I'm just so fucking tired. Tired of everything; tired of dealing with the past, present, future of my life...especially the past. I'm tired of the guilt and the anger and the expectancies and the nightmares.
I'm seventeen years old.
I don't even know why I'm telling this to you; you probably don't need to hear my petty ramblings and self-depreciation. Hell, you're just sitting there, probably only half-listening.
Well, you know what?
I am a killer, and you are too! Everything that I feel, you should feel, too, regardless of training or however much not human you are. It's the same feeling.
Shit, you could at least pretend to be paying attention right now. Do I need to be a machine before you'll even *consider* glancing my way and maybe even caring, or is that beyond your capabilities?
I'm a killer, and you fucking are too!
*~**~*
The sudden silence caused Heero to look up. Duo had stopped his ranting and wore an incredulous yet haggard expression. He was panting slightly from the unexpected release of emotion.
Duo had been wrong, though.
Heero slowly got out of the chair and silently crossed the room, stopping mere centimeters away from the braided boy. Heero could read the emotions surging through those violet depths. Guilt and pain seemed to be the most promiscuis.
The former-Wing pilot placed his fingers underneath Duo's chin, tilting the other's face to force eye contact. He could feel Duo's pulse accelerating at his fingertips, and Heero momentarily admired the strong vivacity the American held before capturing the other boy's mouth with his own.
Duo's eyes widened with shock, but he moaned delectibly and closed his eyes submissively, allowing the kiss to deepen.
*~**~*
Ore wa satsujinhan'nin desu.
During war, it is normal to have to kill soldiers, demo the dying is supposed to remain within the enemy.
I have killed advocates for peace and innocent civilians.
Ore wa satsujinhan'nin desu.
I do feel the guilt; you just can't stay guilty forever. Humans, especially soldiers, cannot survive if they let the guilt add up.
You need to let go and search for something else...someone else to occupy those thoughts. Someone who can understand. Someone who will care.
Ore wa satsujinhan'nin desu.
Ore wa satsujinhan'nin desu.
*~**~*
Owari
Author: Emily, roguegirl@att.net
Rating: PG-13
Archive: Want it? Take it. Just give me credit.
Warnings: language, 1+2, mentions of self-mutilation, angst
Commments: Wrote this by hand in Spanish class the other day. Excuse any errors as my attempt to get this little ficcie out before the muses killed it. *emphasis*
*~**~*
Hello. I am a killer.
There's no nice way to say it; that's just the way I am.
I'm seventeen years old.
And I'm a killer.
There doesn't seem to be a way to avoid it, either. Well, I *could* lie, but I don't and I never will.
Lying's a sin, you know, and I've committed enough of those already.
Especially since I am a killer.
Back in the days of Rome and Greece, to kill was to add honor to your name. It made you stronger and elevated your status to your peers.
But this is AC 197, not hundreds of thousands of years before Christ. People had less time to sit down and think. Less time to sit down and search for a catharsis that will rid you of a guilt that never goes away.
I am a killer.
Talking, writing, reading, video games, movies, bottling it up, sex, self-mutilation, drinking... I've tried it all, but even as the razor blade draws red, angry lines into the pale surface of my forearm, there is still just one thought.
I am a killer.
I'm just so fucking tired. Tired of everything; tired of dealing with the past, present, future of my life...especially the past. I'm tired of the guilt and the anger and the expectancies and the nightmares.
I'm seventeen years old.
I don't even know why I'm telling this to you; you probably don't need to hear my petty ramblings and self-depreciation. Hell, you're just sitting there, probably only half-listening.
Well, you know what?
I am a killer, and you are too! Everything that I feel, you should feel, too, regardless of training or however much not human you are. It's the same feeling.
Shit, you could at least pretend to be paying attention right now. Do I need to be a machine before you'll even *consider* glancing my way and maybe even caring, or is that beyond your capabilities?
I'm a killer, and you fucking are too!
*~**~*
The sudden silence caused Heero to look up. Duo had stopped his ranting and wore an incredulous yet haggard expression. He was panting slightly from the unexpected release of emotion.
Duo had been wrong, though.
Heero slowly got out of the chair and silently crossed the room, stopping mere centimeters away from the braided boy. Heero could read the emotions surging through those violet depths. Guilt and pain seemed to be the most promiscuis.
The former-Wing pilot placed his fingers underneath Duo's chin, tilting the other's face to force eye contact. He could feel Duo's pulse accelerating at his fingertips, and Heero momentarily admired the strong vivacity the American held before capturing the other boy's mouth with his own.
Duo's eyes widened with shock, but he moaned delectibly and closed his eyes submissively, allowing the kiss to deepen.
*~**~*
Ore wa satsujinhan'nin desu.
During war, it is normal to have to kill soldiers, demo the dying is supposed to remain within the enemy.
I have killed advocates for peace and innocent civilians.
Ore wa satsujinhan'nin desu.
I do feel the guilt; you just can't stay guilty forever. Humans, especially soldiers, cannot survive if they let the guilt add up.
You need to let go and search for something else...someone else to occupy those thoughts. Someone who can understand. Someone who will care.
Ore wa satsujinhan'nin desu.
Ore wa satsujinhan'nin desu.
*~**~*
Owari