Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Past Meets Present ❯ Chapter 28 ( Chapter 29 )

Meiran sighed, pushing a strand of black hair out of her face. The guys had left a week ago. And she missed them. She knew that Xin Xin was missing them too. Her little girl had spent the night they had left sitting by the front window of their room and staring out the window, watching for the five.

They had left one of the cars for her to use. Heero’s car, or rather, the one that she had always seen Heero drive. It turned out that the car was actually Quatre’s, as was the other one, Trowa’s. She had been told that the car was hers to use for whatever. She was family and they couldn’t leave her with nothing.

“I wonder where they’re at,” she mused, gazing out the window. She hadn’t wanted them to leave. She hadn’t wanted to leave them. But her daughter’s safety came first.

She looked away from the window, knowing that it was foolish and stupid to daydream about them coming back. Especially Wufei. He was probably glad to get away from her, Meiran thought. And in time, he would probably get over Xin Xin as well. And life would go back to the way it was before they had found each other. Only Xin Xin wouldn’t be sick this time.

She was eternally grateful for that. Every day since her daughter’s mysterious sickness had disappeared, she had woken up without worrying if today would be the day that she would have to bid her only child good-bye. And now things would be easier on them, no matter what job Meiran got, for now there were no hospital bills to pay.

A memory surfaced from the recesses of her mind.

Meiran was called and told of her daughter’s condition.

“I’m going now,” she announced to the four men. “But, I need to be alone,” she added as she left. Trudging through the sludge that was forming on the cold ground, she quickly made her way to the hospital. She already knew where to go and went there after checking in at the Nurses’ station.

Meiran saw the door to her daughter’s room was open. Looking inside, she saw Wufei holding their daughter’s hand. Quietly walking over to them, she found that he kept nodding off every few seconds, his head dropping and then jerking back up.

“Hey,” she announced her presence, putting one of her hands on his shoulder. He was startled but quickly covered it. Wufei turned to look her in the face.

“I don’t want her to die,” he croaked out.

She sighed again, feeling guilty. “I think that’s when I knew,” she mumbled, though not continuing. Looking at the clock, she saw that she needed to leave immediately to go check out this apartment she had found. It was a little on the expensive side, but without the hospital bills; she should be able to afford it. And if she couldn’t now, she could dip into the money that had been left to her by the guys. She didn’t want to, but she knew that she would have to for a little while until she had a job and saved up a little. And when she was on her feet and no longer needed it, she would repay them. Her pride would allow for that, at least.

But to get a job, she needed a permanent residence. And a motel would not fly. Xin Xin also needed a permanent residence to go to school. Again, a motel would just not work.

“Hey, Xin Xin, it’s time to go,” Meiran said to her daughter. The young girl nodded her head and stood up. Meiran looked at her daughter, wincing slightly. The girl just had to look like him. She just had to take after her father. Like the separation was not hard enough to begin with. At least when she had thought him dead, she could remind herself that she could move on. But he was not dead.

And, she cared. She had grown to care for him. Maybe not love. Or maybe, it was love. But not the crazy-head-over-heels type. Maybe it was a deeper, subtler type. Or maybe she was just deluding herself.

Maybe she was just hoping that he would come driving up and stay with them. No, she was hoping. A fool, Meiran. You’ve become foolish, she told herself. Why, just a few months ago, you were doing perfectly fine. You were content with your life and your daughter. Now, you’re miserable.

“But,” she voiced out loud, to herself as she and Xin Xin walked out to their car. “We were happy with them. Happier than ever.”

“Huh? What did you say, Niáng?” The girl who looked like her father asked. Her dark brown, almost black eyes, just like his, stared at her, almost like they were probing for an answer. If she had been her father, then they probably would have been probing. They probably would have found that answer, too.

“It’s nothing, Xin Xin,” Meiran said with a fake smile. She hoped that her daughter, who was incredibly perceptive, would not pick up on the fake that the smile was a fake. That she was faking it, the whole staying strong and not giving in to the weaknesses she had let herself attain. She could not let her daughter see that she was breaking.

After all, she was doing this all for her daughter. Right? Wasn’t she? Or was she using Xin Xin as an excuse? An excuse to break away from Wufei, but then, why would she do that?

And then, the answer came to her.

She was afraid. Afraid to let him get too close. She was afraid that if she let him get any closer, that if something happened to him, her heart would shatter.

But wasn’t she already shattering?

And when had she become so fragile? Where was the tough, strong Meiran who could handle a job and a sick daughter? Why had she allowed herself to become so reliant on the guys, so weak?

But then, what was weakness but allowing yourself to admit that you were not perfect? And she had known for a long time now that she was anything but perfect. So then, she had been weak all along, just not admitting it to herself.

So, had she made herself even weaker or just been suppressing her weakness for all this time? Or was it a combination of both?

A/N: I blame Ghost in the Shell: GIG for this chapter. Especially the episode with the tachikomas’ and when they find out that their AI is in outer space. Prior to writing this, I rewatched the episode. And this is what happened.

We really got to see a clear look in Meiran’s head, finally. I don’t think I’ve done a whole chapter about one character and their thoughts yet. I could be wrong but I don’t feel like checking right now.

I only own Xin Xin.