Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Pawns Will Fall Tonight ❯ Chapter 1

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Title: Pawns Will Fall

Author: Garnet Fire

Archive: Joygasm ([1]www.heavenlycreature.net) anyone else, just ask

E-Mail: [2]Garnet1@optonline.net

Pairing: none really, implied 6+13/13+6 I guess

Timeline: one of the final episodes, right before Treize and Wu-fei,
and Heero and Miliardo face off

Rating: PG

Warnings: shonen ai, angst, serious introspection, Miliardo's POV

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing; it is the copyrighted creation of
Sunrise, Sotsu, and Bandai

Comments: Gee, how long has it been between fics this time? Even I've
lost track. Sorry I haven't been around much, or written much;
marching band has taken over my life, but it'll be over soon.

Here I am, prepared to engage in the dance of death once again, a
fight I've fought far too long. It seems ever since I was a child, as
far back as I can remember, my thoughts were only on revenge against
the evil ones. I never cared about who controlled where, or any of the
other political nonsense. Only now, now that all of this is almost
over, have I really thought about it. Why am I even still fighting? I
have no qualms with the people I am fighting. It isn't Heero who
destroyed Sanq, it wasn't Treize, or Wu-fei, or anyone out here on
this battlefield. We are all just pawns now, in this war fought over
ideals, or for people sitting cozy in some mansion out of harm's way.
I thought that by becoming the leader of a group I could fight for
what I wanted, instead of for other people. I was wrong. Now instead
of answering to one or two superiors, I must lead hundreds in the
direction they want to be lead in. Why am I fighting for the colonies
when my home is on the earth? Often lately I've lain in bed, unable to
sleep, and asked myself that. I have no answer.

I don't know why I'm doing this, or why I've been in this so long to
begin with. At first it was for revenge, for my father, my family, my
home, but my father is gone, and killing others will not change that
fact, it will only leave others behind, without mothers or fathers,
just as much the casualties of war as their parents. Sanq has been
rebuilt, Relena taking the reins, as she deserves to do. If there is
one thing I have found out about myself over the last couple months,
it's that I am no leader. If I cannot make sensible decisions for
myself, then how can I make them for others? Relena is the true heir
to Sanq and the Peacecraft name. I am just another lost boy, wondering
my purpose in this world, if I do indeed have a purpose at all.

For a while, I suppose I was fighting for Treize's approval. He was
the proud general, and I was determined to be his obedient follower,
hoping to catch his attention. I was young and stupid, so stupid that
I allowed myself to drown in his ocean of ideals, instead of following
my beliefs. I realize now that it was a stupid teenage infatuation
with him that enticed me to listen to him, to be drawn in, to allow
him to sooth me whenever I had my doubts as to why I was fighting by
tousling my hair and using his sweet talk. I am only glad Epyon showed
me the truth, plain and harsh as it was. I was a puppet for him, or
perhaps an inflatable doll. The young prince of Sanq, trained and
willing to do whatever he was told. Good for a few battles and nights
in bed, but just as easily discarded as any of the others he was
willing to sacrifice for "the greater good." It isn't his fault,
however. He is just doing things the best way he knows how, and if a
good tool falls into anybody's hands, you can't blame them for using
it to get the job done.

When White Fang approached, I don't know why I went with them. I
suppose at the time it was the new option so I took it, thinking that
for once I'd be acting on my own accord, but it isn't like that here,
just as it wasn't before. I am still just fighting against soldiers,
when my real enemies are mere memories, or shadows in the dark, I
can't get at them. Nobody can. We are all fighting the battle of our
parents, started over decisions made long ago, and because of that I
am fighting against children. 15 and 16 year olds determined to
continue their father's legacy, following his beliefs, his heart,
instead of their own, and causing the hatred and battles to continue.
What do they know about the world, love, or war? That's why this war
needs to end, or else we will continue until everybody has lost sight
about what they are fighting over, if they ever knew to begin with,
and will continue fighting long after that.

I don't know what I am fighting for any longer, except to end this war
once and for all. Perhaps in that way I am most like the Gundam
pilots. They aren't fighting for theories or ideas, or to control the
world and colonies, only to end this as quickly and with as little
damage as possible. It seems ironic then, that I am here to destroy
them when it seems that with them is the place I fit in best. Yet I am
here to carry out the plan of the White Fang, and I must follow
orders, the one thing I know how to do. Tonight more pawns will fall.
Perhaps I will be one of them. What does it matter? According to
Epyon, I have no future anyway.

~owari~

Comments? Criticism? Any responses? I have another part thought out,
but I will only write it if there seems to be some interest in it.

Happy Halloween everyone.

References

1. http://www.heavenlycreature.net/
2. mailto:Garnet1@optonline.net