Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Perfect God ❯ Perfect God ( One-Shot )

Perfect God

By Mandy Maxwell

Disclamer: I don't own anything except the way a arrange the words on this paper! So if you wanna post this on your website, you gotta ask permission!

Warnings: 1x4, POV, Angst, incest, poor Quatre!!

Author's Notes: Hey! This is my 1st yaoi fic that Ive ever posted… so be kind please! But still RnR (read and review) this is a response to the challenge by Squall-sama! And its just a suggestion that you read Sweet Innocence b4 you read this.

P.S. My English teach would have a field day correcting fragments, but for now, just pretend that its right…. Ok? Oh yeah… some of these words were from my to kill a mockingbird vocab list, so put that in your pipe and smoke it, Mrs. Rose! So here it goes!

Heero, the name of a god, the name of you. I am all to surprised that you would write me this letter, of all people. Just to refresh your memory, in this letter you told me that you wanted me, you told me that you needed me. This puzzles me to no end! Why would you want me? You are my beautiful enigma, Heero, and I do not have the answer key. How could you feel that you want me, or even love me?

I am not worthy, Heero. I am not worthy of anything you want to give me, even your hatred and especially your love. I think it's quite funny that you go as far as to say that you love me, when everything you do is flawless, and everything I do is wrong. You are perfect in every movement, word, and thought. Even in death, you prevailed. With great prowess, you never failed a mission. And when you decided to give me a chance, I begged you to do it because I knew that you would execute it perfectly. But you insisted that your inferior do it, so I did. I did succeed, but without the natural finesse that you have. I suffer internally with every solider that dies at my hand, but you kill them bravely, knowing that it is for the good of all. You are perfect in every way and you cannot condescend yourself to my level, or dirty your perfect hands with me!

You thought that I was ignoring you and caring to the other pilots, while the truth was that you deserved better than I. I talk with them because they are my peers. But your are my God, to high for me to love. I turned to Trowa because I saw you as unattainable, which you still are. When the others saw you as taciturn, I saw you as superior, to high to speak with any of us.

I too dream about you, but mine to wishful to speak about. It pains me to hear your perfect voice, Heero, because I know that I will never belong to it. It ravishes me to see your perfect body because I know that I can never touch it. It kills me to look into your perfect eyes and long to kiss your perfect lips, because it is a dream. I am in a dreamland whenever I'm near you, yet it is still a nightmare because I want you so bad that it is killing my soul. I want you to love me, but you must not. I cannot let you lower yourself to my level, the level of a…. I still cannot say it. But I can explain it.

Your scars are from battle, while mine are from rape. Yes, rape… and pain so great that I must be the only one who has survived through this. When I was 10, my nightmare started. My father… he hurt me worse than I hope you'll ever know. I did everything that he said after learning the hard way a few times, but I should have stayed strong. I know you would have! I just remember the immense pain in him taking me, taking everything I own that I have wanted to save for one day and give to you. But I see now that I am no more than a… slut. I have scars to prove that. And the blood that contrasted my pale skin… I only remember pain and blood, and finally giving up, letting him do what he wanted to me. It is too graphic to write down… and I never wanted to trouble you with this burden of knowing, but know you know that I am nothing more than a slut while you are a god. This is the only way it can be, don't you see? You must not love me now, Heero, now that you know that I am not worthy of your love. And if you still love me… then I must decline your love, because I am unclean. I am a diamond full of impurities. And yes, I killed my father when I was 15, last year as a matter of fact. He had abused me until I killed him. I am weak. You cannot love me! Don't you understand?

I am not worthy at all, and I will never be worthy of your love.

You are the god,

I am the worshipper,

That is the way it must be.

-Owari-

Did you like?? RnR pretty please!!