Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Practical Joke ❯ One-Shot

This was inspired when I dropped a supposedly unbreakable
Corelle-ware plate and it exploded at my feet. They probably heard
my roommate's scream 3 suites down. I swear there must have been
thousands of pieces of that plate scattered all over the tiny
kitchen, the hall, and even around the corner and two steps up the
stairs. We're still finding bits of it scattered around. The meal was
inspired by a movie I saw on TV but never caught the name of.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Duo was bored.

This certainly wasn't shocking, or even new, but that didn't change
the fact that it was uncomfortable for Duo. Flopped on his stomach
on his bed, he sighed. He needed something to do, some kind of
distraction. He looked over at Heero, hopefully.

"No." Heero spoke without even looking up from the omnipresent
laptop.

"But-" Duo protested, sitting up. <I hadn't even said anything yet.>

"No."

Duo stood up, pouting, though it was just in case Heero did something
unexpected, like actually look up from that damn computer. "Fine.
You're a real stick in the mud, ya know that? Would it really hurt
you to talk to me occasionally? Or to string more then one or two
words together?" Duo continued on, knowing Heero wouldn't respond.
"Of course it wouldn't, you're just being stubborn. Like-- donkey
stubborn. Like rival a brick wall stubborn. Like-"

"Omae o-" Heero had looked up from the laptop with his infamous
death glare.

"Korosu, I know." Duo sighed, then grinned. He headed out of the
room, throwing over his shoulder, "Heero, you're in serious danger of
becoming predictable. That would definitely give OZ an advantage
over the Perfect Soldier, wouldn't it?" Duo cackled evilly at the
honest-to-god startled look on Heero's face and went looking for
other entertainment.

*********

Heero glared at the door for quite awhile after Duo left. The door,
unfortunately, was not terribly impressed, though it was one of
Heero's best death glares. At first, he'd actually been worried,
well, as worried as Heero got, about predictability being a potential
weakness. But then, after thinking about it, Heero dismissed it.
<Note to self: Vary tactics to keep the enemy off-balance.>

Now he merely glared. Slowly, his expression brightened. <Duo needs
to be taught a lesson. And I know just how to do it.> A small
chuckle escaped him, his expression verging on maniacal.

**********

After bugging Wufei, Trowa, and Quatre, Duo had managed to while away
the afternoon. But now he was stuck with cooking dinner. "Do I have
to? I mean, can't we order in a pizza or something?"

Trowa merely looked at him with the one green eye that wasn't covered
by his bangs. Quatre just sighed softly and made a shooing motion
with one small hand. Duo knew he'd lost when Quatre looked at him
like that. Who could deny Quatre anything?

Wufei glared. "We have all taken our turn, Maxwell. Do your duty
like a man."

Duo smirked at him. "You have this obsession with sex, Wu-baby. Get
over it."

"Kisama!" Wufei started to rise, pulling his katana out from nowhere.

"Cool your jets, Wu, I'm going." Duo managed to hightail it into the
kitchen without looking like he was running.

<How on earth does he manage that?> Quatre thought, with an
indulgent smile as he and Trowa moved to catch Wufei.

****************

Once out of sight in the kitchen, Duo turned glum. He really didn't
want to cook. Oh, he could cook, was rather good at it actually, but
that wasn't exactly something that he had felt like letting on to the
others. So when he hadn't been able to wiggle out of it, he'd made
sure the meals were edible, but not great. That way they didn't want
him to cook too often. With a long-suffering sigh, Duo gave into the
inevitable and opened the fridge to see what was there was to cook.
What he had not expected was for something to come shooting onto his
face. He fell back, slamming the door of the fridge, too startled to
make too much noise, and whatever it was muffled the sound.

Duo flipped it off his face and jumped to his feet, the soldier's
training making the move lithe and graceful. He looked in shock at
the eel lying on the kitchen. <Eel? When had eel ended up in the
fridge? And why would it jump out at me?> Duo picked the eel up,
washing it off without really thinking. Then it occurred to him.
Someone was playing a practical joke on him. Well, whoever it was
would end up regretting it. Duo chuckled softly. <Okay, so we're
having eel tonight.>

He opened cabinets carefully, until he pulled out the canister of
flour, and jumped sky-high when flour burst into his face as he opened
it. Coughing, Duo just shook his head, silently cursing. As he
continued preparing dinner, more surprises jumped out at him. The
rice had jumped around like fleas, the chiles had been unbelievable
slippery, and the breadcrumbs had been magnetically attracted to
everything BUT the eggplant.

But Duo persevered, all the while planning in excruciating detail
what he would do to the culprit. He started setting the table, with
amazingly no surprises. He was finally beginning to think the joker
had run out of ideas when he reached for the plates. Before he
realized what was happening the plate seemed to leap from his hands,
hitting the floor with an explosion. Duo stood silently amid the
shards, his eyes narrowing.

******************

At the sound of the crash, the rest of the pilots came running. Well,
Quatre ran, Wufei and Trowa caught up, and Heero ambled down. Quatre
came to a screeching halt in the doorway....staring at Duo and the
kitchen. Duo's hair, face, and black clothes were ghostly from the
flour. Pieces of rice, chiles, and breadcrumbs littered the counters.
And the floor was covered with pieces of the plate. "D-Duo? Nani?"
Quatre stammered out.

Duo looked up, and smiled calmly, despite the burning temper in his
violet eyes. "Dinner's ready. Quatre, why don't you finish setting
the table?"

Quatre swallowed. "Um...sure Duo." He crossed to the cabinet,
reaching up for the plates.

"Quatre, wait!" Quatre froze and turned to look at Heero in
surprise. Heero looked surprised he'd spoken, the faint lines
between his eyebrows a clear sign. "I...I'll do it."

Duo smiled, a smile that was chilling, very like the one Wufei had
seen him direct at the enemy just before he executed his signature
killing move on select mobile suits. "I think Heero wants to help
clean up, too."

"I don't-" Heero was handling the plates carefully, and turned to
look at Duo, then froze at the look. "Um, maybe I'd be willing-"

"Good. Now hurry up, the food's getting cold." His voice still
hadn't changed, but his smile had gotten a little chillier, and a
little more feral.

They all sat down to eat, and the tensions around the table made it a
very silent meal. Heero nearly choked when he noticed the fried eel.
Wufei merely smiled. Heero was well aware that at least two of his
companions were thoroughly enjoying his discomfort. However, they
were distracted by Quatre exclaiming over the food.

"Duo, this is wonderful...marvelous. I didn't realize-"

"I have hidden talents." Duo smiled, more kindly for Quatre, though
he wasn't back to normal. "Though I apologize for there being no
dessert."

"No dessert? That isn't like you, Duo." Heero spoke up.

"Oh, I have something much sweeter in mind." Duo's smile was pure
malice, promising revenge. Heero could only shiver. Duo was much
more creative than he was.

~~Owari~~

C&C welcomed. A sequel is in the works. :)