Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Precious Moments ❯ Saying Goodbye ( Chapter 15 )

Precious Moments

Chapter 15 - Saying Goodbye

By Angel Love

 

Author's notes: This is the last chapter of Precious Moments. There won't be a sequel or anything else to do with it. I don't see a need for one. I will not rewrite the ending to please anyone. This was a deathfic, as I warned from the beginning. I hope that no one is so upset with me that I get any flames.

 

Standard disclaimers apply. I don't own Gundam Wing, or the two songs that I used. The first is `Please Remember' by Leann Rimes. And the second is `A Room with a View' by Carolyn Dawn Johnson.

 

 

~ Time, sometimes the time just slips away

And you're left with yesterday

Left with the memories ~

 

Nearly a week went by before Heero could take Relena home. She was much weaker than she had been before she had Livia, but she now had a glow about her that no one could deny. The sight of her holding the baby close to her while she fed her was something that made everyone stop and watch for a very long time.

 

One of these times it had been Heero that stopped to watch her and she turned her head and smiled softly at him, her honey colored hair loose to frame her thin face, making her look more beautiful to him in that moment than any other, perhaps even when they had married. He had been unable to stop himself from pushing off the wall and kneeling before her to brush the hair back behind her shoulder, just looking up into her eyes.

 

She had blushed and giggled softly and leaned down to kiss him softly on the lips before she turned back to their newborn baby and finished feeding her. She didn't mind that he did not leave her side at all the entire time, or that he just watched her with those intense eyes of his, because to her it was a gesture of love and it made her feel warm and protected.

 

~ I, I'll always think of you and smile

And be happy for the time

I had you with me ~

 

Milliardo had also taken to watching Relena with the baby. One time when he saw her face pale a little he moved into the room and scooped the baby up. Unfortunately for him, he had failed to remember not to bounce his two week old niece when she had just eaten and he caused her to throw up her formula all over his suit.

 

He had made a face of slight disgust for the smell of it as he put Livia down onto the changing table. The sound of Relena's laugh though had made it worth it though. He turned and watched at her whole face lit up, listening to the tinkling sound of her laughter, which brought his own out. Together they had both laughed as she helped him clean up and then changed Livia.

 

The mood had been happy between them, and for the first time he had forgotten that he was going to loose her soon. He had walked her outside to the patio, sitting on the swing with her, one arm around her, as he pushed the swing, Livia nestled into her chest, fast asleep. It was then that he told her that he was expecting his own child and if it was a girl, he wanted to name her after her aunt. She had cried happy tears as he pressed a kiss to her temple and held her close to him, one of his fingers lightly moving along the soft brown hair of his niece.

 

~ Although we go our separate ways

I won't forget so don't forget

The memories we made ~

 

Heero had been sitting on that swing two weeks later, staring out into the distance when Relena had moved quietly outside and joined him. He smiled at her and instantly pulled her close to him, kissing the top of her head softly, and his voice holding a tender note when he spoke. “I thought you were sleeping.”

 

Relena smiled softly and shook her head. “I tried to lie down but I couldn't get comfortable. My head keeps throbbing and my stitches hurt a little still.”

 

He smiled softly and adjusted himself in the swing and then moved her so her head was pillowed in his lap. He gently stroked her hair, looking down at her. “Rest, Relena, this should be a little better for you.” She smiled softly, but didn't answer him because her eyes were already fluttering closed with the soft stroking of her hair. It wasn't long before she was asleep in his lap as he gazed down at her, trying to deny the tears in his eyes.

 

~ Please remember, please remember

I was there for you

And you were there for me ~

 

Quatre had been the one to take Relena and Livia to the hospital for their checkups because Heero had been called to Preventers Headquarters by Lady Une about one of his security systems sending an alarm about someone trying to hack into the firewall. Relena had not really minded, she enjoyed Quatre's company. She had giggled when the nurses all flirted outrageously with him, making him blush brighter than a tomato.

 

However, she finally came to his rescue when several of them had actually written down their phone numbers for him and tried to give them to him. He had given her a grateful look as he guided her out of the hospital, one arm carefully around her since she was a little unsteady and the other holding onto Livia's carrier.

 

When they got to the car, Relena smiled warmly at Pagan and then allowed Quatre to help her into the car. When he got in next to her after the baby was secured, she silently reached over and clasped his hand in hers and smiled at him. He smiled and squeezed her hand and whispered, “Don't thank me, Relena. I'm just glad that I could be here with you right now.” The smile she gave him brought tears to his eyes and thankfulness to his heart for the extra time they all had been given with their Princess of Peace.

 

~ Please remember, our time together

The time was yours and mine

While we were wild and free ~

 

Heero had met them when they arrived back at the mansion. He thanked Quatre as he watched Relena emerge from the pink car. He frowned as he saw her sway a little but steady herself. Her face was very pale and not for the first time had he noticed that she was loosing weight. He gently scooped her up and carried her up into the mansion as Wufei took Livia's carrier from Pagan and he and Quatre followed them in.

 

Heero carried Relena straight up to their room and set her down on her feet by the bed, watching as she sank to sit on the bed, looking tired and drained. He knelt in front of her, taking her shoes off as she pushed off her blue-green sweater. “How did it go?” he asked quietly.

 

She smiled a little down at Heero. “Sally said that I healed very nicely.” She couldn't help the blush that spread across her cheeks. “She also said that we could resume our... um... sex life if we were careful about it.” She blushed a little more when he got a small smirk on his face and a promise in his eyes that he would make sure that he was both careful and beyond satisfactory for her.

 

~ Please remember, please remember me ~

 

He watched the blush spread more brightly before her eyes dropped and he felt his heart drop as well. “What did Dr. Phillip say about your dizziness and unsteadiness?” When she didn't answer him for a moment, he gently turned her face back to his, his heart plummeting even further by the sight of her tears sparkling in her beautiful azure eyes. “Relena, please tell me,” he whispered softly.

 

Relena took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “She said it is the next step in my deterioration. She said I've been lucky so far but she thinks that now that it has started that my body will get progressively worse, the symptoms will come much more rapidly now. I have maybe a few weeks, maybe a few more months. She isn't for sure. I have already defied the odds living as long as I have, and having Livia.” Tears began to slide down her cheeks rapidly now. “Oh, Heero, I don't want to leave you and Livia! I want her to know her mother!”

 

Heero's heart hurt worse than ever to see Relena in such pain and he quickly gathered her into his arms, holding her close as he let her cry out her frustration and pain. He gently soothed her back as he nuzzled his face into her hair, his own fears almost clogging his throat as he whispered to her, “I don't want you to leave us either, Relena. I promise you though that she will know you. Livia is going to know that she had a loving mother who wanted to be here for her.” He closed his eyes as she continued to cry until she fell asleep against him, and then he allowed two tears to slide down his cheeks before he settled his wife on the bed and rose to check on their daughter. If he kept busy he could continue to be strong for Relena.

 

~ Goodbye, there's just no sadder word to say

And it's sad to walk away

With just the memories ~

 

A month later Wufei silently watched Relena sit outside on the porch where she had sat so many times before with him, her eyes on her sleeping daughter in the carriage beside her. She looked much paler and thinner but there was still a spark of life in her eyes. She had gotten weaker but she was still moving around on her own and she was still carrying on with her life, which made Wufei extremely proud of her.

 

Relena didn't turn away from watching her daughter when she spoke softly. “Wufei, please come join me. Don't stand there in the doorway like that.”

 

Wufei smiled a little to himself and made his way to the chair next to her as she turned to meet his eyes. He felt an ache inside him as he saw the tired lines etched into her pretty face. “I brought popcorn,” he said quietly and held up the container. She smiled fully at him and he placed the container on the table between them, contenting himself with the knowledge that she was happy right now, that they all had made her happy during this time. If he had had any doubts that they had, they were all washed away when she giggled softly and pointed down to the basketball game between Heero, Duo, Trowa and Quatre, telling him with great detail all about it.

 

~ Who's to know what might have been

We'll leave behind a life and time

I'll never know again ~

 

Heero held Relena close a little later that night, trailing a finger up her bare arm as she slept deeply and peacefully. Their lovemaking had taken a lot out of her and he had felt very guilty for that, even though she had smiled at him and kissed him softly, telling him that she needed these moments to be one with him, to feel all of their love combined. However, he did not want to take any more energy from her than was necessary.

 

He hated the decision that he was going to have to make. He did want to be as close to Relena as he possibly could until he could no longer hold her in his arms. However, despite all of the male urgings within him, he knew that if he went without the feel of her soft body surrounding him in ecstasy then he would be able to hold her in this world for longer.

 

Heero was used to making sacrifices, most of them not really bothering him much because he had always been bent on succeeding his mission. This time though, he knew his mission, the big mission he denied himself the voice to say all of these years, that one would fail. After all the times he had protected her, saved her from bullets, falling debris and even himself, this time he could only do so much to protect her. He brought her fragile, thin body against his, closing his eyes, refusing to let himself think any more about the past that they had, the future that they would never have, or the fact that he had just vowed to himself that he would not make love to her again, for fear that he would kill her faster, instead he would find all the other ways to show her that he loved her.

 

~ Please remember, please remember

I was there for you and you were there for me~

 

Duo looked at Relena closely as he met her at the foot of the stairs, her face pale and she was panting a little for breath. She was starting to look very sick now. His heart ached a little in his chest and he grasped her hand a little in his, looking into her eyes. “Lena, we don't have to go outside for a walk right now if you aren't feeling up to it. We can sit in the swing and just bask in the sunlight?”

 

Relena smiled and shook her head a little, squeezing Duo's hand in return. “I'm okay, Duo. I need to get some exercise. Lucrezia has Livia in the drawing room with her so we have some time if I have to stop to take a break.” When he started to argue with her again, she fixed him with her politician's look that spoke she was ready for the argument. “I have something I want to show you.”

 

Duo gazed at her for a long moment before he finally nodded, curious as to what she wanted to show him. “Alright, but if you get tired, I am going to carry you back up here. I don't want Heero kicking my butt because I gave into you once again and let you wear yourself out. He hasn't quite forgiven me for the last time I did that.” Then he gently took her hand and placed it on his arm, guiding her slowly out of the house, watching each of her steps carefully, and her face for any sign of tiredness.

 

~ And remember

Please remember me ~

 

He was seriously tempted to start carrying her when they reached the stables. He had not wanted to walk this far with her but she kept looking up at him with that look that made him crumble and then giggle at him whenever he mumbled if she wanted a grave next to his because Heero was going to slowly torture and kill him. By the time they had gone halfway into the stables, he already knew where they were going, however he waited until after they were before her favorite horse and she was greeting her softly to speak quietly. “Relena, we cannot go for a horseback ride again. You already know that you can't handle it.”

 

She looked at him with a slightly pained expression but there was a smile on her face. “I know, Duo, but this isn't what I wanted to show you.” When he blinked slowly she pulled out two papers out of her pocket and handed them to him. When he looked over them and then looked up at her in confusion she smiled again at him. “I want you and Hilde to have Mariah and Gamble. They are your wedding presents.” There were tears in her eyes. “I wanted you to have them now since...” she trailed off and fell silent.

 

Duo's eyes softened and he wrapped his arms around Relena, soothing her hair, knowing without asking that there were tears on her cheeks. “Thanks, Lena, Hilde and I appreciate it. I'll hold onto these papers until our wedding that way... if you are there you can give them to us then,”he swallowed painfully, “and if you aren't, she'll be really surprised.” He held her tighter when she nodded her agreement and sniffled against him; grateful for her thoughtful present and her wish to make sure he had something of hers when she left him behind for what he was sure was going to be heaven when she died.

 

~ Please remember, please remember

I was there for you

And you were there for me ~

 

Heero quickly made his way up the stairs, the monitor in his pocket letting him know that his daughter was awake and not very happy. He entered the room silently and gently scooped the three month old up into his arms, trying to make his voice sound as soft and soothing as Relena's when she talked to Livia. “Hello, Livia,” he said, his voice a little gruff, but his presence was enough to make her stop crying and blink her pretty azure eyes up at him.

 

He smiled down at her and changed her diaper a little gruffly. He had done it plenty of times but he was still not sure that he wasn't going to hurt the little girl that was depending upon him. He swept his eyes over her. She was so small, a perfect little human being. She had his hair and from the jokes from Duo and Zech, she had his intensity, however her eyes were the same soft, beautiful color of her mother's. He closed his eyes slowly and cradled the little girl in his arms, close to him. “I promise you, Livia, you are going to know everything about your mother, especially about how strong she was right now, and how she fought to stay with us.”

 

He didn't need to turn around to know that he was no longer alone, so it didn't startle him when Trowa suddenly spoke. “We will all help you so she knows Relena, Heero.” He smiled at Heero when he turned and nodded a greeting to him and then gently took the small child from his friend's arms, cradling her in his own. It was the most amazing feeling to be holding a baby. “Hello Livia,” he said in a soft voice to the baby when she grinned up at him and blinked her pretty eyes.

 

~ Please remember, our time together

The time was yours and mine

While we were wild and free ~

 

Heero's eyebrows went up. It was the first time he had ever heard that tone from Trowa, however he knew that the small little girl was very special to him. “I would appreciate the help.” He cleared his throat a little uncomfortably and he saw emerald eyes turn up to look at him, lifting an eyebrow in silent question. “Relena is going to be out for the rest of the day. She had a rather bad headache and finally agreed to take her pain medication.”

 

Trowa nodded his head and then gently took his three month old godchild from Heero's arms and cradled her, smiling when she sneezed and then smiled brightly up at him. “The christening ceremony took a lot out of her,” he said quietly. He knew without looking that Heero had nodded his head while he cleaned up the dirty diaper and put things away. “I was surprised when Relena asked me to be her godfather. I thought she would want Wufei to do it.”

 

He looked over at Trowa and smiled a quiet little smile as he thought about his wife and the time they had discussed the same decision. “I was a little too, but she wanted you to be Livia's godfather because without you, she never would have found the courage to tell me about her. Wufei isn't upset with her decision either. She actually discussed it with him before she asked you.”

 

~ Then remember, please remember me ~

 

Trowa smiled and shook his head as he rocked Livia in his arms. It didn't surprise him that Relena had done that. She wanted to be sure that everyone was happy and not upset with her decision. He looked up at Heero, finding the other man's eyes upon him. “I think she would have found the courage without me. She has more strength than any other person that I have met.”

 

Heero smiled and nodded, a pained look in his eyes before he scooped his sleeping daughter out of his friend's cradled arms and placed her back into her crib. He knew it would not be that long before she woke again but he wanted to check on her mother. As he was leaving the room, he paused at the door and looked back at Trowa. “Thank you though for giving her that extra bit of courage. Without Livia, I would have nothing left of Relena when she leaves me.”

 

Trowa shook his head as he looked at Heero and spoke quietly. “You are wrong, Heero. Relena will always live on inside your heart, just as she will live on in all of ours. Go check on your wife.” He watched Heero leave and then turned his eyes down to the sleeping baby and sighed, his heart aching as he took one small hand within his own, the fingers reflexively curling around one of his. Heero was hurting, visibly so now. He closed his eyes and shook his head. He would not cry for Relena right now. She had already told him so many times that she just wanted them all to be happy and not be sad that she was slipping away. She wasn't just the strongest person he knew, but the bravest as well.

 

~ And how we laugh and how we smile

And how this heart was yours and mine ~

 

Heero carefully carried Relena to a large blanket that was spread out over the grass, the cool breeze fluttering her hair around both of them. He helped her settle on the ground before he joined her, wrapping another blanket around her shoulders before he let her lean heavily on him. He closed his eyes and buried his face into her hair, remaining quiet as he listened to her try to catch her breath.

 

Relena gently slipped one of her small hands over Heero's and then smiled when she felt him flip his hand over and use just as much gentleness to link their fingers together. She closed her eyes and breathed in the smell of her flowers, remembering a time not too long before when Heero first came to her here, where he had proposed to her, where she first told him that she was sick.

 

She knew that he had brought her out here right now so that she could be one last time in this place. The time had come for her to go to the hospital and spend the rest of her few days there, but she'd begged Heero to let her wait until the morning and just spend her time, one last time with her family. She knew that they were all going to join them out here but for this first few moments it was just her and Heero, their hearts beating together in the silence of the night.

 

~ And how a dream was out of reach

I stood by you, you stood by me ~

 

She couldn't help the small tremor that ran through her body and was grateful when he brought her closer to him so that she could bury her own face into his neck and breathe in his scent. He smelled of the outdoors and a huskiness that she had only smelled on him. It reminded her of when she danced with him when she was only fifteen years old. “Heero, I love you,” she whispered softly.

 

His arms tightened around her, almost crushing her too small of a body. His voice was thick with emotion, emotion that she knew he was trying desperately to keep in check as he had always done all of his life. “I love you too, Relena.”

 

Relena shifted her head slowly to look up at Heero, smiling as he gently brushed a tear from her cheek before he tipped her head up and gave her the sweetest kiss she'd ever been given by him. It wasn't hard or demanding, but soft and giving, one full of love. It made her heart skip a few beats, and grateful once more to have been able to have this moment with this man that she loved with her entire being.

 

~ We took each day and made it shine

We wrote our names across the sky ~

 

They broke apart when a flash of a camera went off and they looked up to see Duo grinning at them as he lowered the camera. “Sorry, I just couldn't resist getting such a cute picture!” he tone was teasing but inside he was aching. He really just wanted the little girl that he thought of as a niece knew how beautiful her mother looked when she was in her father's arms. He grinned more when Relena smiled at him and even Heero humored him and he snapped another picture.

 

The others all came out then, Catherine had Livia in her arms while Trowa carried a few of her toys and Wufei had an extra blanket and a little pink jacket in case she got cold. They each smiled at Relena as they all settled around. Hilde joined them as well, bringing out the music and set it on upbeat songs, knowing that they all needed it. Milliardo hovered around Lucrezia while she and Sally set up a game of chess until they motioned him away from them, bringing a soft laugh from Quatre who had asked if he could play the winner. Even Pagan and Dorothy were there.

 

Relena slowly smiled and leaned a little more on Heero, closing her eyes just a little as he adjusted her to sit in his lap, making sure that she was comfortable. She had dreamed about this ever since she was a little girl, having friends that loved her for who she was, not because she was the Vice Foreign Minister's daughter. Even though she knew she was down to only a few more days, she was happy.

 

~ We ride so fast, we ride so free

And I knew that you had me ~

 

Milliardo seemed idle though, not able to really figure out what he wanted to do. His eyes kept drifting over to his sister but he couldn't seem to bring himself to go over to her. His heart was aching painfully. She was slipping away from him and he was so afraid that he would say something wrong and upset her. He was startled when Wufei laid a hand on his shoulder.

 

Wufei's eyes were understanding but also very serious. “Her life is slipping away from us, Zechs. Do not waste these precious moments by standing here worrying over what to say to her. She does not want you to say anything at all to comfort her. She just wants you with her.”

 

He looked at the younger man for a long moment before he turned to look at Relena, seeing the smile cross her face as Heero spoke softly in her ear as their daughter sat in front of them, rolling the ball back and forth between Trowa and Duo. He glanced at Wufei again and smiled. “Thank you, I...” he shook his head and just moved over to his sister, knowing that Wufei really didn't need any thanks. He could see how much the young man cared for his sister, just as much as he did.

 

~ Please remember, please remember ~

 

Relena looked up as Milliardo came over to her and Heero, smiling at him when he sat down next to her. He gently took her hand and kissed it, looking into her eyes before he leaned over and kissed her forehead. He watched her smile softly at him before she turned her eyes back to watch those around her, her hand holding his in its gentle, warm embrace.

 

He studied her face for a long moment and then looked at Heero's. His eyes were closed and there was a look of sadness etched into his handsome features. He gently squeezed his sister's hand again and then turned to watch her daughter, fighting the urge to take her from Heero's arms and just hold her until the end came, knowing that although it may make him feel better, she was happy and content in the arms of the man that was once his rival.

 

Instead he quietly sat by her side even as she gathered her daughter into her arms, sinking back into Heero's embrace and fed her a bottle and put her to sleep underneath the stairs. He continued to sit by her even as she soon followed her daughter's example and fell asleep as well, causing Catherine to come forward and ease the five month old from her mother's arms. It was only when Heero gently lifted up into his arms and moved towards the house did he finally leave her side, and it was only to go to his wife's and pull her into his arms and bury his face into her hair, thankful she was there, and sad that he was loosing his little sister.

 

 

~ They gave you a corner room on the fifth floor

The city lights were like candy to a kid in a store ~

 

After Relena had finally been settled into her hospital room it was already nighttime. There was only Wufei there with Livia still at the hospital, the others had all been convinced to go back to the mansion until the next morning, but he was out talking to the nurses, trying to get them to agree to letting the little girl stay. Her mother wanted to spend her last few days with her. So it was just Heero alone with Relena.

 

He moved over to the window and pulled up the blinds, turning when he heard Relena gasp, worried that something was wrong. He smiled though when he saw her eyes light up. She hadn't been expecting such a beautiful scenery of the city around them. He moved over to her and gently moved the tubes and wires to join her on the bed to gather her in his arms. “I knew you would like that.”

 

Relena smiled and nodded her head, gently covering his arm with one of her hands, feeling so tired now but also happy that he had done this for her. “Oh, Heero, thank you. It's beautiful.” She glanced at him and smiled. “Not as beautiful as you though.”

 

Heero shook his head, smiling down at Relena, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “No, Koi, you are the beautiful one. Sleep now, I'll be right here with you. I promise I'm not going to leave you at all.” He gently threaded his fingers through her hair until she fell asleep, looking up as Wufei came into the room. He knew without asking the other man that the nurses had agreed, he also knew that the other man wasn't going to go home that night. He was grateful for his presence.

 

~ Like a king you'd lay in your bed so statefully

So thankful they gave you a room with scenery ~

 

Relena pointed out her beautiful scenery to everyone when they came to see her. She was wearing an even more beautiful smile even though she could no longer move around on her own, having her pain killers being given through an intravenous tube now. She read stories to Livia and gently held her close whenever the child slept, telling her stories then of the life that she'd had and the wonderful people in it.

 

Heero never left her side for longer than to take a shower and to use the facilities, but then he only did that when someone else was in the room with her. He was so afraid of loosing her while he was away that he would have given up both of them if he thought that he could. He laid with Relena in her bed when she slept, which was through most of the last days, trying not to curse the world outside that room for making her go through this.

 

Her room was decorated with flowers from her garden and others from florists. None of the pilots ever came empty handed, they brought flowers, books, presents for Livia, or food for Heero, the last was usually Quatre or Duo. They had taken it upon themselves to make sure Heero had everything that he needed. Although they knew that the one thing that he really needed they couldn't give him.

 

~ You always were so healthy, so full of life

So seeing you so helpless just didn't seem right ~

 

Relena woke up early in the morning about a week and a half she'd been in the hospital. She slowly turned to look at Heero's sleeping face. A smile moved slowly across her tired face. She painfully lifted a hand to caress his cheek. She'd like nothing better than to let him sleep while she watched him, but she knew he'd never forgive himself. “Heero,” she whispered.

 

Heero opened his eyes slowly and smiled at Relena, watching the way the early morning light played over Relena's pretty features, not even the breathing tube could take away how beautiful she was to him. He gently caught her hand and pressed his lips to it. “Good morning,” he whispered, not wanting to wake Duo who was sleeping in the corner with Livia sprawled on his broad chest.

 

She smiled at him, squeezing his hand slightly. “It's time, Heero,” she continued to whisper softly.

 

Confusion showed on his face for a moment before dawning comprehension made its way across it. Tears filled his eyes and he shook his head in denial, pulling her into his arms tightly. “No,” he whispered desperately, “no, not yet.”

 

~ And how you kept your head so high I'll never know

I guess you knew you had a better place to go ~

 

She smiled softly at him, gently running the back of her fingers under his eyes in a move that he'd done so many times to her whenever she cried. It brought a slight smile to his face but the tears continued to be there, matching the ones that shined in her own. “I love you, Heero Yuy. I have loved you from the moment that I met you. Thank you for giving me a happy life. Don't give up yours after I'm gone. I promise I will wait for you on the other side no matter how long you take.”

 

A tear slipped down his face and he gently caressed hers, pressing another kiss to her hand over her wedding band, his heart already breaking. “I love you too, Relena Alana Yuy. I promise I'll meet you there after I've taught our daughter all about you and how wonderful you are.”

 

Relena smiled at him, her eyes showing her tiredness. She brought Heero's face to hers and he didn't hesitate. He claimed her lips for one last kiss, drawing it out until she was forced to pull away for the last bit of air that she would breathe. He held her tightly to him while she caressed his face.

 

His eyes closed tightly when her hand fell from his face and he knew even before the alarms began going off that she was gone. Still he held her in his arms, not even noticing the tears that streaked down his face to soak into her hair. He was afraid to let her go even though she was no longer with him. He was afraid he would loose everything that he had to live for.

 

~ Now you've got a room with a view

A window to the world

You always had your sights set high ~

 

He didn't notice that the nurses came in bustling, checking Relena's wrist before they turned off the machines, glancing at Duo who stood in the corner, the baby having been laid down, somehow not disturbed by the alarms. He motioned them out so that Heero could have a few more moments, his heart felt like it had shattered too. He looked out the window and whispered, “Safe journey, Lena. I'll miss you. I'll take care of him just like I promised you.”

 

Then he moved over to Heero. “Hey buddy...” Heero looked up at him with a miserable expression on his face and he gently took him into his arms as if he were a child. He rocked him slowly on the bed as Heero cried, his embrace warm and strong. He was glad that he had a feeling the night before that he shouldn't go home and had agreed to stay when Relena offered for him to. He didn't look at her face but instead kept his violet eyes focused on that of her daughter's, listening as the Perfect Soldier cried his anguish, thankful to Relena for bringing them happiness and that she had brought out this bond of brotherhood with his best friend.

 

~ And now that you're gone

Your memory lives on

And I see you smiling in my mind ~

 

The sun shined brightly on the day of her funeral, a day that the whole world mourned the passing of the Dove of Peace. Heero stood strong and proud with Livia held in his arms, Duo on his right and Wufei on his left. He silently listened to the priest saying his prayer so that she would have safe passing into heaven. He closed his eyes and said his own, even though he had never been much of a religious man; he knew that Relena would have appreciated it.

 

He moved forward before the casket was to be lowered into the ground and laid a rose, a light yellow one, onto the cherry wood. It had been from her favorite bush. Livia patted the casket and he smiled at her, pressing a kiss to her forehead much the same way he had done to her mother, whispering to Relena, “I'll wait to join you, Relena.”

 

He felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned to see Quatre and he nodded to him, allowing his friend to guide him away from the casket. He stopped and glanced backwards at it. He closed his eyes and said another goodbye to the woman that he had loved more than his own life. He could almost feel her smiling inside his mind. Then he allowed Quatre to lead him up to the black limo awaiting him, where all of their friends, no, their family were waiting for them.

 

~ With angels as visitors dropping by

Your room with a view ~

 

He knew life wasn't going to be easy, not for a very long time. He could still smell Relena on their pillows when he went to bed at night, sometimes it made him cry but sometimes all he could do was hold onto the pillows and pray there was a mistake made and Relena was going to walk right back into his life. Wufei had still not left the residence and now Duo was staying as well. He was grateful to them both. He needed all of the help that he could just trying to figure out how he was going to raise his daughter on his own.

 

As he settled into his seat he handed Livia over to Milliardo, who kissed the top of her head and breathed out a very sad sigh, his blue eyes showing the sadness all of them felt deep inside. He looked down at Livia as she pulled a little on his hair and he smiled. “Your mother used to do that to me when we were little,” he spoke softly, making those around him smile a little.

 

Lucrezia reached out and gently brushed a bit of brown hair out of Livia's face and smiled at her a little more fully when the baby girl grinned at her. “She'll be every bit of an angel as her mother.” She looked up at Heero, finding his eyes on his daughter, a soft smile working its way through the anguished sadness that he was feeling in his heart.

 

 

Almost one year later:

 

~ I'll always miss you

I'll always feel the loss ~

 

A lone figure stood on the top of a hill. His brown hair blowing in the wind, Prussian blue eyes filled with a deep sadness. He couldn't seem to get his ever-present mask to stay on his face, so his sadness shone through. And a lone tear fell silently down his cheek.

 

His voice was husky with grief when he finally spoke. “It's been almost a year. And I still wish for the same thing, one more day with you.”

 

He lowered himself slowly to one knee and traced the name of his wife in the stone and let out a sigh. These had been the hardest months of his life. He'd been tempted more than once to take on a suicidal mission just so that he could join his wife in heaven. His heart ached like an empty hole inside his chest, only partially filled by a child with eyes like hers.

 

~ I have to remind myself that you're better off

I gotta believe even through these tears of mine

Wherever you are there's a sun that always shines ~

 

He had to remind himself daily that Relena was better off in heaven where she was. She was in so much pain at the end of her life, although she rarely complained. Heero wiped his cheek free from a second tear that slipped. He hadn't cried in a long time, at least not while he was awake. He knew why right now was hurting him so much. It was her birthday, well it would have been.

 

He closed his eyes and let out another calmly breath and just began talking. She'd already missed so much of Livia's life. He didn't know for sure whether or not she could hear him from heaven, but he always felt a soft, soothing feeling inside his chest whenever he told Relena all about the first time Livia walked, or when she called him Daddy, and even when she picked up the picture of the two of them kissing the night before she went to the hospital and pointed at Relena and told him `Mammy'.

 

It was small moments like those that he felt like he could live another week and he'd be okay without Relena by his side. He finished talking and brought his hand to his heart and sighed softly, clenching it a little at the sharp agonizing pain that seared through it. He slowly laid down a light yellow rose, his wedding band glinting in the sunlight and whispered, “I love you, Relena Yuy. I'm still waiting to be with you again.”

 

~ And you've got a room with a view

A window to the world

You always had your sights set high ~

 

He rose slowly from the ground and stared down at the grave for a long time in silence. It almost felt like two strong but delicate arms wrapped around him from behind him, just the way Relena did to him when she knew he was upset. She'd lay her head right in the middle of his back and squeeze a little. He closed his eyes and smiled a little to himself. Perhaps it was her.

 

Quatre had once told him that not everything in life was explainable. Like sometimes, when he needed it the most, he could feel those arms, and almost hear her voice in his ear, telling him that she loved him. Relena was an amazing person in her life; he had no doubt in his mind that she was his guardian angel even now. “I love you,” he whispered one last time before he opened his eyes.

 

~ And now that you're gone

Your memory lives on

And I see you smiling in my mind ~

 

He turned his head when he heard a very familiar squeal of his name and a full smile broke out on his face. There toddling in front of Wufei was his daughter, trying her best to hurry up and get to him. He watched her trip and fall, but he didn't move, instead he watched her look up at him and give him a little grin exactly like her mother's and then get right back up.

 

It wasn't until she was half way up the hill that he moved towards her, scooping her up in his arms and nuzzling his face into her hair as she patted his cheeks. “Hello, princess,” he said in a soft voice that had once been reserved for only Relena.

 

“Hiya, Daddy,” she squealed at him and then held up a flower, slightly crumpled dandelion but it was still beautiful to Heero. “Or Mommy,” she announced to Heero, not yet having her f's down quite yet.

 

~ With angels as visitors dropping by

Your room with a view ~

 

Heero smiled and nodded, looking up at Wufei, who grinned but shrugged a shoulder sheepishly. Together all three of them went back up the hill, the two men watching as the little girl put her flower right next to her father's and patted the gravestone. “Bye bye, Mommy, see ya la'er!”

 

Her father's eyes watered a little and he felt a gentle lift of the weight on his heart as he scooped up his daughter and held her to his chest, speaking softly. “Let's go home. Uncle Wufei and I will tell you a story about your mommy.”

 

She squealed her agreement, wrapping her tiny arms around Heero's neck, her brown hair exactly matching his as she tucked her head onto his shoulder as once more her father went down the hill, letting Wufei say his own quiet goodbye before the other pilot moved on to catch up with him. Heero wasn't over Relena. He'd never be over her, but with the gift of her love that still lived his heart and their daughter, he would never forget her, he would never stop loving her, and he would never stop living for her.

 

~ With angels as visitors dropping by

Your room with a view

Hoah ~

 

The End.

 

*Duo, Wufei and Angel appearing*

 

Angel: Well, it has finally come to an end.

 

Wufei: It is about time, onna.

 

Angel: *growling*

 

Duo: Whoah! *moving Angel away from Wufei* She was just taking her time to make it perfect.

 

Wufei: A likely story…

 

Angel: That's it, Duo's my new muse!

 

Wufei: *eyes wide*

 

Duo: *grinning broadly* Hey! I like that. And my first business will be to thank everyone that helped Angel along the way, especially Cheryl who edited this when Tanya was too busy to do it.

 

Wufei: She also says a thank you to her Heero and Relena mailing list, without the encouragement that she received there she never would have finished this story.

 

Angel: Thanks to everyone who let me bounce ideas off of you, reviewed or just put up with me.

 

Duo: This story may be over, but she'd still like to hear what you think so please review.

 

Wufei: Time to go, Maxwell, onna.

 

Duo: *grabbing Angel before she can smack Wufei and disappearing with both*