Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ PreTtY ToY ❯ DiSilluSioNeD ConTemPlAtIoNs ( Chapter 4 )

How I'vE MiSsEd My

PreTTy ToY by Hate Dept

About time right…ahh fuckin love this damn story…mmm so fucked up….yeah…so well this chapter is a god damn trip, though you had ta know the only way it can go is darker and darker into a level of torture and abuse I feel the need to create. >)….so all you that love torture and insanity….EnJOy

FallIBlE….Now I knoW YeR goNnA loVe ThiS sHit…I'S sTiLl WoRKinG On thE CoMpLEX, JuS GoT SiDe TraCTeD By WaStELAnD…NexT ChaP WiLl Be CoMiN SooN

TuRtLe_FiRe….Oh I HaVen'T EvEN BeGuN To ToRtuRe HeeRo ENouGh YeT…HeHe…So `ErE'S SomEmORe

HelCaT805….I GoT A WayS To Go WiTh ThiS StoRy….FinAllY FixeD uP WhAt I HaD DowN So I CaN FinAllY WriTe MoRe AnD LiStEnIn To A BiT :Wumpscut: GoT ME WrITiNG WelL InTo ThE NiGhT…

Ch 4: DiSilluSioNEd CoNTemPlAtIonS

"Heero, the war has made you so nieve of what's staring you in the face." Duo hissed hitting Heero in the ribs easily cracking them. Heero smiled as he coughed, feeling the blood coating the inside of his mouth. He looked to Duo.

"Why can't you just disappear again?" Heero groaned

Duo grinned like an escaped convict and kissed Heero greedily. "It would have been too easy to take advantage of you if I waited any longer." Duo laughed as he tossed Heero aside. Heero landed, back cracking against the dumpster forcing the air from his body. The world went momentarily black. The image of the girl and tattered dog he had killed when trying to destroy an Oz base filled his mind and he knew his broken form resembled hers.

"No Heero, they actually made it to Heaven, while you are here with me." Heero eyes dimly focused. He watched Duo, head thrown back in dark laughter. Trowa moved to get up.

"Ah Trowa, don't think you can touch me." Duo said kicking the other in the mouth. Blood spurted from Trowa's turning face. Duo leaned down to the crumbled form. "By right of war I claim fate to all I ever held under protection..don't ever threaten what's mine." Duo growled.

Quatre whimpered with the last words Duo spoke. Heero knew Quatre had seen what happened to him.

"You empathetic little shit ." Duo turned to Quatre smiling the vulgar half smile.

"You can't take him." Quatre said gaining some conviction. Duo's smile spread as he grabbed Quatre by the face

"And what do you think you can do?"

"No." Heero breathed. Duo's head turned slowly towards Heero's protest. "No leave... leave them all....it's me you want."

Duo's eyes narrowed to villainous slits. He turned back to Quatre. His hand let go of Quatre's face, while the other went to Quatre's chin pulling Quatre to his lips. Heero watched as Duo forced his tongue in the others mouth. Duo's other arm pressed Quatre's body to his. Quatre's eyes shot open and Heero knew Quatre was seeing something. Heero didn't care to image what it could be, but he knew Quatre could see things in others through touch and the vile thing that was Duo had a lot of horrid things to show he was sure.

Heero forced himself up and went for Duo, something between a weaving stumbling run, no aim, no plan, just moving on instinct. Duo released Quatre's mouth, who half scream half cried, still held tight against Duo. Heero went down on his knees, legs no longer willing to function. He only had about seven feet to go, but his body was overwhelmed with fatigue.

"And that's only one night. I have so much more to show you Quatre. So much more I will do." Duo purred the words like some sensual promise. Quatre was crying. Heero met the Sandrock piolets eyes.

"Help me Heero. Please help me." Quatre half whispered. Duo laughed as he turned to Heero.

"Yea Heero, come help poor Quatre." His voice turned cold as he turned back to Quatre. "Never put your life in the hands of a addict." Duo moved towards Quatre lips again. Heero closed his eyes. He owed Quatre he couldn't let this happen. His eyes snapped open and his body lunged forward. A hand grabbed his arm. He turned and Zechs' icy eyes met his. Heero swung at him. Zechs spun Heero into a full nelson.

"What the fuck are you doing Zechs?" Heero growled pulling hard against the unmoving man, watching Quatre being groped by Duo, seeing the tears streaming down Quatre's face, while Wufei and Trowa were down for the 10 count.

"What were you going to do, fall on him?" Heero pulled harder against Zechs feeling his joints ready to pop.

"Anything's better than this. Let me go you worthless fuck. Why aren't you doing anything? Are you going to sit by and watch us all die or all but me? Let me go!" Heero raged as he fought against Zechs.

Zechs' voice was soft as he spoke the next. "You're going to dislocate one of your shoulders if you keep fighting me." With the finish of that sentence a pop sounded from Heero's left shoulder. Heero let the pain pour out his mouth still pulling against Zechs. He watched Duo drop Quatre and turn to glare at Zechs, such animalistic hate on Duo's face.

Heero fell to his knees voice silent. He was falling apart. His head felt like a record being scratched by a dj. The right side of his face was little less than a bruised cut. His left shoulder pulsated in protest along with his shattered elbow to his every move, making his left arm useless. The wraps on both his hands were soaked in blood, he thought the left would have healed, but recent actions must have torn the hole from the mirror open. The bandage on his head was soaked with so much blood it was beginning to drip down his face. His breath was short from the cracked right ribs pressuring his lung. To top it all off, he was in one of the biggest downs he'd experienced since becoming a addict.

He couldn't save his friends. He felt his body swaying on the verge of giving in. He was so tired. He saw the hazy form of Duo in front of him. The foot took him hard in the face. He heard the tone of Duo's voice, but couldn't make out any words as his cheek bounced on the wet pavement. A shard of glass was digging into his eyelid threatening the soft white half marble it sheltered. His right eye was of the verge of closing. His whole remaining energy focused on keeping it open.

He saw the shadows dancing in front of him. White and black swinging and merging into a gray mass. His lid fighting for sleep with every pulsating beat of his head. He was afraid. Afraid of the dankness that would come when that eye closed. He had not the energy to move only breath and fight the determined darkness. The fear forcing the eye open keeping him above the void.

His mind was aching for the close of sleep. Will I wake up, he thought to himself completely unsure. That's what fueled the fear. He'd never been at odds with his body before. He'd vied for death many times and known what he could and couldn't take. Yet here he lay, too scared to close his eye, unwilling to know if he'd dream or fall into the sweet abyss of death. He wouldn't have cared as much if he knew the others were safe. He was well aware he was beyond any saving.

He wasn't sure if he made a sound out loud, but he screamed like hell as the darkness took over. He'd been thinking to long. The void had snuck up like one of the minion creatures from Alien. He fought to wake, fought to see anything, but he was unable to. No sight just the rampaging fear of his thoughts.; blood, war, violence, guilt, hate, sorrow, no peace, no love, only endless decay awaited him. There was no fighting it as he fell into the deep abyss that was his own mind.

Images bombarded him, flashbacks to the war, to the faces of those he killed. He half laughed at how easy war had become with the gundams. Never having to face your opponent, never seeing or felling the blood coat your hand as the knife takes their throat. It was only a metal monster destroying another. How long would the war had last if the gundams never existed, if mobile suits were never made?

The images shifted to the violence that had taken place the past few days and all it entailed. What had Duo become? Heero cringed mentally as he remembered Duo tearing into his body, impaling him on his dick. Heero wanted to yell, to lash out the smoldering rage that burned his every synapsis. He couldn't even fight the other as he did it, couldn't protest, only feel his cheek against the stone wall. He wondered what Duo would do with him if he got a hold of him. Heero mentally shook the thought away. That was something Heero hoped he would only imagine.

Heero saw Quatre being groped by Duo. He would have gritted his teeth if he could. He watched Quatre's face turn to him. The shock rendered Heero silent. Quatre's eyes had been tore out. Heero's breath stopped as he realized Quatre tore them out with his own hands. Quatre's mouth was sewn shut and Heero watch the thread tear into the others lips as he attempted to scream.

Heero looked away to meet a strung up Wufei. He felt nauseous at the way he was positioned, like Duo's God on the cross, only with glass holding his hands and feet and no cross. Instead it was a concrete wall. Wufei's mouth hung open and his tongue hung by the smallest thread of skin, blood covered Wufei's naked chest forming a crimson shirt. Shards of multicolored broken bottles surrounded his head like the wreath of barbs, reminding Heero of some twisted stained-glass window. Trowa, Heero thought turning to his left making sure to avoid seeing Quatre again.

His eyes wouldn't make sense of what he saw, which was only the second time it had happened to Heero. The first was when he found a murder victim as a preventer, well parts of the victim in odd rooms. It always takes a minute to register a skinned face, liver, and stomach sitting at a kitchen table having tea. Trowa was laid out spread eagle, naked. There was something in his mouth Heero knew that much, but it took so long to understand it was his penis. The strips of flesh where it had been torn away laying across the chin. He wanted to look away as he saw the bladder and pieces of intestine that were pulled through the open hole where Trowa's cock used to reside. Heero closed his eyes knowing there was one last victim, one he didn't want to see.

"Not him. I can't see Zechs." Heero breathed to himself. He knew the things Duo was capable of. He scanned the three again and forced his eyes to stay on the dull asphalt.

"I don't want to see this...this isn't real....open your eyes, open your eyes, open your fucking eyes." Heero said trying to ignore the vision he had seen and couldn't escape. He looked up to the howled laughter and the horrid cry. Duo's hand was in the body, but it wasn't Quatre. Heero felt the numbness spread through him. Heero watched the ice blue eye's slowly open wide as the mouth showing the pain. Duo's hand in the stomach to the elbow. Zechs' scream was muffled by the blood that erupted from his lips. Duo jerked his hand back fast. Heero watched Zechs fall like the tears from his eyes. Slowly rolling down his cheek to puddle below him. Heero's attention was forced from the limp body to Duo as he crouched in front of Heero.

"You would shed tears for such as him?" Duo sneered. Hero felt something warm touch his face. "Save them for yourself." Duo pulled his hand back and Heero saw the dripping heart. Heero's hand trembled as it went to his face. His whole body shook as the blood, blood from Zechs' heart, a heart Heero turned away, ran in soft ruby lines down his fingers. Heero looked up at the blur of Duo's face. Heero felt a rising terror fill him, which was replaced by a pain he would never believe possible if he wasn't feeling it. The image of Duo blurred into blackness.

Heero's limbs tensed and he choked on his breath unable to scream. It took a few seconds to process what was happening and who was doing it, but when he did he wished he was back in the nightmare. Reality was so much worse as that searing pain came again. Duo slid something hot into his right eye. Heero could feel it slide in only centimeters from the previous, which had pulled him from the imaginary torture to the real torture. He could smell the burning of his defenseless eye. Heero's vision was gone from the entrance of first. So many things ran through Heero's mind.

"Now you will never forget me Heero, just like you will never see out of this eye again." And the burning began again on the opposite side of the first. Heero screamed trying to move his limbs and his head, but all we secured with tight leather straps. Another strap held his chest down on the cool metal surface making sure he wouldn't twist around.

Duo moved out of Heero's view and Heero's eyes automatically followed him. Heero felt the heated metal against the side of the socket. It almost made him shudder. His breath was ragged. He wasn't out long. Maybe a few hours. He knew by the way his body felt, the pain aching it, but nothing like his burning eye. His vision was limited by the head strap and the lack of movement in his right eye took out his peripheral vison.

Heero saw reflected light from candles hanging on the dark wall. A huge chandelier hung low above him that didn't give much light. He felt hot wax fall on his cheek from the chandelier making the breath seep from his teeth. He had to wonder if everything in the room was made for torture.

He attempted to pull his left wrist free from the leather strap and his teeth dug into his lip as he left shoulder screeched in protest. Nice, he thought, his shoulder was still out of joint and swollen. His back rested on the metal slab Duo had strapped him to. It felt like it had some sort of design that dug into his back making it impossible to even be a little comfortable, well the little comfort possible when being tortured.

"Dammit what the fuck do you want from me?" Heero asked almost ashamed of the pain and exhaustion in his voice along with the winces that came with the falling wax.

"What everyone wants." Duo came into view and Heero got a good look at the glowing red, orange, and yellow needle. "To see you suffer." Duo said as if they were sitting across from each other in a break room.

Heero barley heard Duo over the horrid sound that tore from his mouth. He choked on his saliva as he relearned the process of breathing and attempted to laugh. Heero saw Duo's head kick to the side and felt hot wax fall on his stomach. Duo raised an eyebrow.

"Do you..." Heero paused and coughed trying to get his voice back to something normal. He licked his lips his left eye moving less now that another needle was added to the right. Duo smiled only on the right seeming to be amused by Heero's struggle. "Do you always have themes for torture?"

Duo seemed to think about this for a moment, while Heero began to laugh. The smile encased Duo's whole face as Heero's laughter began to subside.

"Well, I was going to move to knifes," Duo gave a monstrous toothy grin, "but you gave me a much better idea." Heero watched another burning red needle cross his vison. His back arching his breath slacking, waiting for the pain to end. Heero's back rested against the metal as he adjusted to the new feeling. His right eye was almost immobile to the left or right and up and down made him nauseous. The feel of the needles pulling on the socket rims, stretching the skin. Even blinking was painful.

"Heero you are in for a very special treat." Heero heard the sound of a blowtorch igniting. He heard the clank and snap under him. "I added the holster for it a few weeks ago and finally have you to try it on." Duo's body came over Heero's and Heero became aware that Duo had stripped him naked. Duo slid up between Heero's legs. Duo's tongue licked over the needles making Heero's eyelids twitch.

"Do you feel it Heero?" Heero felt two things that made him wish for death. His back was starting to get really fucking hot and Duo's hard cock was resting against unhealed ass. The fear and knowledge of being helpless flooded his mind. He knew the latter of the two was the worst.

Heero's back arched at the burn of the slab. Duo bit down the smile as he pushed Heero's back to the flesh searing metal. Heero eyes widened at the reintroduction to pain, pain like he'd never felt in all his training.

"You'll never understand how much watching your pain gets me off." Duo husked as he pushed himself into Heero sighing as he stared down at the other, eyes a twisting violet. That was all Heero saw as his eyes clamped shut and his mouth opened letting it all out.

"Hearing your screams and knowing they are all for me." Duo tore harder and deeper into him. He could smell the burning of the tissue and muscle in his back. Duo finished quick so aroused by Heero's suffering. Duo's body fell on Heero's making the scream soundless as the weight forced the heat further into the blistered layers. Duo moved off him and snapped all the leather straps with one violent pull. Heero registered none of the pain from the straps bitting into his already bruised skin and snapping the bone in his left wrist as they broke setting him free.

Duo held Heero up, arms hooked under Heero's armpits. Heero was unable to stand or hold his head up. Duo rocked Heero's head back forcing the other to see him with his one good eye.

"It's always a pleasure Yuy, but now I must keep good on my word." Heero wanted to speak, but couldn't even form words. Nothing was registering in Heero's mind. He watched Duo scowl then his face changed to a promise of even greater suffering for Heero.

"Though I would love to keep you here all night, if you survived that long." He laughed. "Meiran." Duo called. She was at his side in an instant and nothing but horror covered her face as she met Heero's eyes.

"My God." She breathed. Duo laughed.

"My best work so far, I would have to say." Heero saw the water rise in her eyes.

"How is he...How is he going to survive?" Her voice was soft as she said the last turning from Heero. He must look like hell, he half laughed to himself. Duo pressed his lips to Heero's. Heero couldn't fight it, but he didn't react to it either.

"He's mine. He will survive. Now get the car." She stood looking back at Heero shaking her head. Duo turned to her, she glanced at him and left the room.

Heero didn't hear the sound, he could barely hear anything deafened by his own screams, but he saw the glint of the injector as Duo tossed it to a man who was taller than Duo and a little older. He had long black hair and was almost skeletal thin, but not quite. He was fair skinned and dark eyed.

"Azail, grab my wrap and place it around him." Azail nodded and Heero felt his body being moved. Heero winced as the other hit the burn and sighed as Azail finished. Duo took the injector from Azail, then knocked him in the face and to the floor.

"Did you not see the burn on his back? I should kill you for your ignorance." Duo growled. Heero lost sight of the other, with only his left eye to see it was easy to lose sight of everything. The pain still coursed through him, but the syn now chased it down taking the edge off. Duo sighed, hand caressing the right side of Heero's face.

"If only you'd gave yourself to me." Duo kissed Heero's cheek. "It wouldn't have to be..." Meiran's voice cut Duo off.

"Were ready." Duo picked Heero up cradling him delicately in his arms, carful of Heero's back. Heero's eye followed the naked chest up to the soft face. His hand reached for it mind lost in some dream of how the owner of that face would tell him he loves him, would be the one Heero woke up next to and never make it out of bed. That Duo would be the one to come bounding into his arms again and again. Heero's hand dropped as Duo looked down at him with a snarl that was supposed to be a smile.

"Dreams aren't meant to come true otherwise there would be nothing to live for." Duo's voice was like an echoing hall...empty. Heero felt himself lain on a seat his head raised as Duo slid underneath him. He felt the cloths laid on his back. Felt the lotion like medication seeping into his burn.

Heero was slightly aware the car was moving and that Duo was playing with his hair. He felt Duo's hand gently brush along the pins making Heero's body shudder from the nerve ending response. The car came to a smooth stop and Heero felt the cloth removed, then himself pulled to his feet. Duo basically dragged him along. Duo stopped holding Heero up by the head, kissing him violently. He pulled away, his hands almost crushing Heero's skull as he spoke.

"Don't ever think you can leave this city and don't ever think you can elude me. Ever." Duo loosened his grip and licked Heero's lips. "I will be back for you." Duo whispered his tongue running over the needles. Heero's body twitched in response.

Duo let go of Heero's head letting him fall to his knees then his face. Heero sighed relieved that he landed on his left cheek and not the right knowing it would've sent the needles in farther and even happier, if he could hold such an emotion, that he didn't land on his back. Heero watched Duo walk away. Duo was wearing nothing but leather pants. Turmoil rolled Heero as Duo looked back before he got in the car. No emotion on his face. Heero felt a sadness watching the car drive away. He snarled in his mind.

`A fucking sadness over that fucker leaving." He tried to fight off the tears that fell from his eyes, the right beginning to sting from the salty water running over the needles that stuck out of it. Once again, he'd been unable to fight. If only he could run, never stop, just run. He was always so fucking powerless.

`What kind of dick am I?' He thought `I'm whining about my plight when Trowa, Quatre, Wufei, and Zechs are dead.' The tears fell down his cheeks. "All because I'm so powerless I...I can't even save myself." He said aloud closing his eyes, feeling the needles rubbing against the skin of his eyelids and opening them quickly.

`What did you gain by all this? Why would you do this to me?' Heero sighed as he began to feel rain and whimpered as the drops struck his back. He used to be the strongest of the piolets and now he was crying like a lost child. He tried to be angry, but nothing would stop the flow of water from his eyes. He wondered how long he'd be there before someone saw him. The door opened behind him. There was a scream, a familiar scream.

"Allah save me. This can't be real."

"Quatre?" Heero croaked barley a sound, excitement running through him. Quatre wasn't dead and he must be able to see. Quatre ran to the front of Heero. Quatre looked fine, well Heero couldn't tell until the other leaned into the line of sight of the good eye. Tears were streaming down Quatre's face and a hand covered his mouth as looked upon Heero. Quatre reached a hand to Heero.

"Don't." Heero mouthed. Quatre's hand trembled where he had stopped it.

"He said...He said." Quatre was shaking his head unable to speak. "Sally!" He screamed. "Please somebody help me!" Quatre cried with a guttural scream, hysterics taking him by force. Heero heard the thundering steps.

"Heero." Was all Trowa could breath. Heero saw Zechs' face for a moment before Zechs turned away unable to look.

"I knew he would hurt him, but this..." Heero whimpered again as the rain began to fall harder.

"We need to get him inside now." Po voice was steady and calm. Zechs grabbed him by his shoulders. Heero stifled a cry from the left arm. Another grabbed his feet and someone grabbed him by the middle.

"We'll take him upstairs. Quatre I know you and Trowa have a masseuse table. I need that now." There was no movement for a while, then finally they moved upstairs. The floor looked familiar. It was the room he'd stayed in previously, but instead of the bed he was lain on the massage table. They took of he face holder and put in one that held Heero's chin, keeping his face pointed outward.

Sally Po came into view and as much as she tried to keep an empty face, Heero saw the twitch of horror. She shook her head after she shined the light in Heer's left eye.

"I...I don't even know where to start." She sounded defeated.

"He-He showed me this." Quatre sniffled. "Well not all of it, but the needels and...and." Quatre was raked by sobs. Heero saw Wufei. He watched as the chinese man close his eyes after seeing Heero.

"Heero...I'm...and I hit you with that punch to make us even when you took all this..." Heero cut Chang off.

"What?" He coughed.

"There was nothing we could do." Wufei sighed.

"Wufei." Po snapped. "Leave him alone. You can talk to him once I treat him. Now all of you out, except Zechs."

"I'll help you." Trowa said.

"No, I think Quatre needs you more than me."

"I can help why do I have to go."

"Because Chang your guilt is going to get you in the way."

"I..." Chang fell silent and the door closed.

"Does he have anymore syn left?"

"Yes, but what do you need that for." Po's voice dropped, but Heero's hearing had improved.

"I don't think removing the needles from his eye is going to feel so good and I don't have sedatives on me as good as that. So, I want you to grab as many as you think he can take. I don't want him to feel it all over again." Zechs left without protest. He came back quick.

"I can't find his injector." Heero cleared his too dry throat.

"Left...side." Zechs carefully rolled Heero to the side and pulled it out of the waist band of the wrap. Heero hadn't even noticed it, but the syn was wearing off.

It took awhile, and about 4 capsules until Zechs was happy with Heero's state, but he did one more for god measure.

"He should be alright now." Zechs said.

"I hope so. God I don't even want to do this. How could a comrade turn so cold?" Po sighed.

"People change for better or worse. People change because it's what makes them human."

"Yeah." If anything else was said Heero couldn't make it out as he swam in the syn sea.

Heero's mind roamed into the past. He remembered the snow covered tree's. He missed the winter. The cold wind telling stories in his ears. The deep frozen water reflecting the light of the moon giving some serine feeling of life. The sun feeling so far away in the night, as if it would last forever and he would remain staring into the reflected light. Somewhere in the back of his mind he new the relentless march of time must continue. Dimly aware life carried on while he remand in the welcoming cold.

His eyes began to burn at the knowledge this wasn't real. Knowing the place never existed nor could he return once he left. He was further distraught by the notion that noone would ever see it. He didn't want to go back. It was like a taste of Heaven and then being thrown back to Hell. His vision moved up to the sky, watching the haze of his breath forming laughing angels in the stars. He laughed with them knowing the reason. A pitiful creature as him trying to find a place in Heaven for himself.

He looked back to the frozen water. He wondered how long he could stay like this. He thought of Duo and how he would have loved this place before the war ended. Now, he smirked at the thought, Duo couldn't feel those emotions anymore. That was irony. Well technically Duo seemed to be able to feel pleasure in torture and anger at everything else, but nothing more. No regret or remorse, no guilt or sorrow, no happiness or love.

Heero's eyes burned worse then before and he new the tears fell down his cheeks as he looked back for the angles. They were gone and the sky fading.

"No." He sighed knowing it had to end. He just wasn't ready, not yet. He didn't want to go back. Tears flowing freely watching it all disappear. No Heaven left for him.

*********You Like?****

Well, of course you do dammit. Heh…so well yep if you don't think I can top that haha, wait till ch5. I totally kick my ass…well, not really. I mean come on, it's really hard to beat burning needles in an eye and a burnt back…but I do got something really nice comin…ahhh you'll fuckin love it and if you don't well fuck you then cause I do…,..hehe jus playin, but it really is gonna get better, well unless yer Heero of course…ah it's so damn fun torturing him I just can't stop. >D