Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Rain ❯ Rain ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, or Duo, or the only-implied Hilde. Sunrise and Bandai do. I don't own the song Rain either. That is probably owned by the people who own Cowboy Bebop.

Summary: A rarely serious ex-pilot gets a little introspective one afternoon. Part of a series of songfics I'm writing based on songs from Cowboy Bebop.

Rain

I don't feel a thing
and I stopped remembering
The days are just like moments turned to hours

A young man strolls down the sidewalk, reflecting on his new life, guilt-ridden over a past he can never leave behind…

'I've got a good life now. And I don't deserve it. Have I stopped feeling the consequences of my actions? I shouldn't be happy. I shouldn't be allowed to forget. I shouldn't be… forgiven.'

He has been savoring each day since the end of the war, eager to hold each second of peace dear to him. In his willingness, he has been pushing away thoughts of the past, but now, he stops to reminisce…

He thinks back to all of the pep talks Sister Helen, his favorite nun, used to give him.

'She and the Father were the only people I can remember who were like family to me…

Mother used to say
if you want, you'll find a way
Bet mother never danced through fire shower

…I'm just grateful neither of them had to see what I became.'

His thoughts turn darker, and flashes of gunfire and battle come to mind. A distinct frown forms on his face, and an expression of anger slowly materializes as his eyes cloud over with disturbing memories.

Suddenly, the colony's weather system turns on the scheduled rain simulators, as announced in the morning news's "Weather Forecast," which, apparently, this teen has not seen.

Walk in the rain, in the rain, in the rain
I walk in the rain, in the rain
Is it right or is it wrong
and is it here that I belong

'Was it worth it? All the death? More importantly… was it necessary? Did I have to end lives to ensure this happiness for so many? Do these people, who had no hand in attaining peace, merit the quiet existences that so many died to give them? Do I even deserve it, who fought so hard and so long? Is this the life I'm supposed to have? Should I be doing more to make sure there won't be more fighting? I just don't know…'

His thoughts slip from these musings back into the past, into the battles, and the steady patter of the rain drenching the world around him seems to fade away…

I don't hear a sound
Silent faces in the ground
The quiet screams, but I refuse to listen

... and the faces of his countless victims spring up around him, many with their mouths gaping open in their final screams, screams of pain and wordless protest against their shortly arriving deaths… deaths at the hands of Duo Maxwell.

Duo stops, clenching his eyes shut, trying so hard to block out the horror… only to delve deeper into the illusion, the scent of blood and death invading his nostrils.

If there is a hell
I'm sure this is how it smells
Wish this were a dream, but no, it isn't

Suddenly, he opens his eyes, hoping to quickly shove those awful recollections back into the recesses of his mind. Instead, he is greeted with a concrete, physical reminder of the events that have been playing though his mind: Duo has stopped in front of a graveyard.

It is a memorial graveyard for all the unidentified who died because of military conflicts, soldier and civilian alike, Alliance and OZ and Rebel, Earthling and Colonist, side by side, no differentiations made.

And as he turns to leave the cemetery behind him, he asks himself again, 'Was it necessary?'

Walk in the rain, in the rain, in the rain
I walk in the rain, in the rain
Am I right or am I wrong
and is it here that I belong

'Did I do the right thing? Could I have done something differently to stop the fighting without so much death?'

'Will I ever know?'

Walk in the rain, in the rain, in the rain
I walk in the rain, in the rain
Why do I feel so alone

He is so tired, and he knows his thoughts are running in circles.

The rain is letting up, and the streets are becoming noisy again as people venture out of their houses to run errands, returning to their lives now that the hindrance was past.

Duo stops in the middle of a sidewalk to take note of the carefree air about them.

'They don't know what it was like.'

And suddenly he wonders what it was like for them… imagines himself a civilian facing terror, no way to protect himself. And he realizes that, in a different way, these people had it bad too. But now that the terror was past, they could go on… put the past in the past, and realize that the past won't change.

And that he should do the same.

For some reason I think of home

So he turns down an all-too-familiar street, towards an all-too-familiar-building, where a girl he doesn't think he deserves is waiting to welcome him back to a life he knows he doesn't deserve, but is learning to accept.

Author's note: Wow. I really never ever thought I'd write a songfic, never mind a series of songfics. Go figure. Anyway, this is the first one I've written, but there are quite a few more on the way. That is, if this one's not too horrible. I kinda wrote it all at once, only editing as I went along. If anyone has some suggestions to make it better, I'm all ears.