Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Razors on his Bathroom Floor ❯ His Hero Boy ( Chapter 1 )

            He's a fast talking, quick thinking, sharp witted, killing machine all in one lean, pretty eyed, long haired boy. He takes in the dance floor like he owns the whole place. Calm as a cat stretching in the sun, restless as a dog that's trapped in a too small yard. He watches the people from far away, the pretty girls who don't look so nice when they're right in your face, makeup so caked on and fake. He takes in the sultry boys with their soft, pouting lips, waiting for some curvy girl to come swaying her hips and licking her lips, wanting to dance her fears and insecurities away.

Or are they waiting for a boy like him? Are they all waiting for his dark eyes to focus on them? Are they all waiting to bask in his warmth, hold his attention, and have a fleeting fling with a dangerous guy with a dark spirit like him?

            He gives the room his once over, beats of the songs making him itch to dance and feel the rhythm pulsate and vibrate through his veins. He takes a few more sips of his drink before promptly abandoning it, not planning to return to it after going away. Too many perverts eying him up ready to drug him up at any moment. He begins to walk away from that glass of what seems to be his life energy at times. But wait. He hesitates. And with a quick change of heart he turns and gulps the rest of the drink down, addicted to the burning poison running down his throat and clogging his mind. Finally everything is a delicious shade of blurry and he's ready to dance his heart out.

          Hours and Hours fly by without notice or remorse. He dances and feels something he's been missing; something he's been craving, wanting, lacking, and needing. If only for a moment it's better than nothing. He's high for a fragment of time on something better than drugs and he's drunk for a moment on something better than love.

          Then it creeps up behind him, innocently at first. It begins with a thought of how free he feels, but that leads him to questioning why things can't always feel so good. When did the world go so dark? Without a friend in sight or a purpose in life what other shade or color could the world be than black? When did they all get their lives in order and walk away from him? Could they all live without these bursts of adrenaline, the alcohol rushing through their blood, the taste of a cigarette after a one night stand? Why was he the only one wandering, a helpless shadow gliding unnoticed through the streets at night?

        He dances with an anger beating somewhere deep inside of him, why doesn't he have love? Why doesn't he have someone to go home to that will just understand the hell he's been through and why he's so fucked up in the head? Why doesn't he have someone to crawl home to when he's drunk and needs a pair of hands to hold his braid away while he pours his pain and frustration out through his throat?  He just wants someone who's going to know exactly what he's been missing. Someone whose been missing the same things. Someone whose going to make him complete and to whom he'll do the same.

        There's a hand on my shoulder, he thinks with detached causality. There's a whisper in my ear, a familiar voice from the past. It's growing too loud now.

        "DUO!"

        "Who…?"          &n bsp;             ;            &n bsp;             ;            &n bsp;             ;            &n bsp;         

        "You're crying…?"

        "Heeey, Heero old buddy, whaave you been up to theesee daysss?" He slurs with a drunken unawareness of what's going on. In his mind it's an odd contrast to the overwhelming peace dancing gives him. He tries to sort out what he thinks he's really seeing, there's always a chance that it's a hazy illusion brought on by his futile wishes, it's happened before so why not again? But maybe it really could be that a distressed Heero is shaking his shoulders trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with his lighthearted friend.

        "I came looking for you."  

        "Eh? Why would ya do someeethin' liiike that now?"

        "Because you haven't….I can't talk to you while you're like this. Come on." He grabs his arm and drags him out and away from the seedy, bar where all the sad people like him roam; trying to find someone to share with their life story and the quarrels they have with the world.

            "Where we goin'?" He sinks down and the arm around his shoulder hoists him up wrapping tighter around him. It's just like the war, he thinks, and can't help the hot, twisting feeling rising through his body.

            "I'll take you back to my motel room and then…I'm going to make sure you're alright."

            "Why?"

            "You're my friend."

            "Haven't seen you in forever." He mumbles.

            "Your own fault. Come on it's only a little farther. You can make it."

            "Unn I don't thin' tha I can make it…"

            "Don't whine. And don't puke on me either."

            "I won' puke on you, but I migh' hafta when wee get to yoouree room. Ok k Hee…?"

            "Yeah it's fine. Duo, I want to know…a few things about your life when you're sober again. I just don't get it; I didn't think Wufei was being serious. I thought he was exaggerating."

            "Fei told ya about mee?"

            "Yeah. We'll talk later."

            Duo feels the arm tighten again to maintain balance as he unlocks and opens the door to his motel room.

            He falls into a bed, and he's glad for some solid ground. He closes his eyes and tries to stop the spinning and motion and thoughts and anguish. He doesn't realize he slept until he's woken up to run to the bathroom and be rid of some of the toxins in his body.

            And then Heero's there, pulling at his braid, "Don't let it fall in the toilet; you won't want to worry about washing that out when you get up in the morning."

            So logical as always, comprehending every inch of the situation, actions and consequences and what they entail. At least, Duo thinks, I would be able to think of a witty answer if I wasn't puking my guts out. One up on Heero, he thinks but with less enthusiasm, and it's only party because another spasm has hit him.

            It isn't until some time the next day when his hangover isn't as painful and he can think with a little more ease that he realizes that Heero was holding his braid away from his face, every strand of hair in fact. It wasn't a pull or a tug and it didn't hurt on the contrary, it was oddly gentle and careful, and once again it seems to him that Heero knows how to handle every situation in some shape or form.

            He wakes up the next morning with his head pounding. He used to hate hangovers but now it's almost like a comforting friend. It's quite sad when you think about it, so Duo just pretends it's something amusing instead.

            Heero is up sipping some coffee and typing on his laptop. From what he sees it's an e-mail to Wufei. He wonders if they're just close friends or far far more. It wouldn't surprise him. Not one bit. He'd heard they were partners, living together as well. And if that wasn't a clue-the two solitary, stubborn, soldiers living together-then he wasn't sure what was anymore. 

            Wasn't there anyone who was lonely like him left anymore?

            Heero closes his laptop and turns around when Duo stands behind him. "Sleep well?" He asks and says dryly "I haven't heard that much groaning since Wufei attended one of Relena's parties."   

            "Ah familiar Yuy sarcasm, how I have missed thee!" And as the words fall from his lips he feels the truth in them and it gives him a funny, soft feeling in the pit of his stomach.

            "Here," Heero pushes a steaming cup of coffee towards the seat across from him. "It's soothing."

            Duo doesn't think he'll drink any of the caffeinated substance-he's never had a taste for coffee and neither has Heero (or so he thought)-but the heat radiating from the mug relaxes him as he rests his hands against it. "When did you start drinking coffee? I thought you hated the stuff."

            He thinks "About 4 months ago, I think. Now it seems I can't function without it."

            "I'm surprised you don't know the date and time."

            "January 3rd, 6:35 A.m." He replies mechanically.

            Duo blinks and then breaks into a grin. "If you weren't you I'd think you were joking about that. You're crazy Heero you know that?"

            He's rewarded with a small smile. "You seem to be doing alright for someone who spent half the night with his head in a toilet and a nasty hangover to boot."

            "Ahh…it's not so bad. I'm used to it I guess. Besides, I have to take advantage of this time; it's not so often that I am graced with the presence of the perfect soldier known as Heero Yuy."

            He watches almost with satisfaction as Heero winces at the title. "I would have visited sooner if I'd…"

            "Realized that poor Duo was lonely?"

            Heero glares at him "Wait a second, why am I letting you do this to me? You're the one who never returned my phone calls, or e-mails or even letters. I came because I wanted to see for myself what you were doing with yourself and your life. It seems like it's pretty much falling apart."

            "Heero, you saw me at a club dancing last night, how is that screwing up my life? Everything is perfectly fine, I'm looking for a new job and apartment and I'm sure I'll make some new friends pretty soon." He knows his life is screwed up but Heero has no visual proof for himself.

            "If that repulsive place is called a club than my apartment is a fucking palace. You aren't happy at all, when I found you last night you were crying and looked like all the other lost causes in there. I bet your apartment is exactly like Wufei said it was and I bet you're telling me the same shit you told him when he came.

            I'm just shocked he didn't force you to come back with him. He usually has a better grasp of reality and good sense to know when someone needs help."

            "Wufei likes to let people work out their own problems, unlike some people. I'm not his responsibility and he knows that."

            Heero snorted "He probably was just hoping for the best. He probably couldn't stand to think that your life really was falling apart, that Duo Maxwell wasn't as happy and strong as we all thought. He was probably so disgusted and ashamed by the way you live. No one likes to be freed from delusions." Even Heero seems to see he went too far and his tone was too scathing.

            "SHUT UP!" The force in his own voice shocks Duo, as does the look in Heero's eyes; a mixture of surprise, anger and confusion. Duo can't stop himself from continuing on, his voice so filled with fury and truth that his body shakes from the effort "I'm sick of you guys coming to me and telling me I'm fucked up. Telling me that I need to get my life in order just like you all have. You don't even know the half of it Yuy, you think you're so fucking perfect, but you know what? Not everyone's like you; some things actually can lodge themselves into your mind and destroy you from the inside. You seem to think if I'm surrounded by all of your happiness things will just instantly be better. Let me tell you that there's a fucking delusion that you need to be freed from."

            Heero's hand is clenched so tightly around his mug that Duo expects it to break in a moment. "I never said that you'd suddenly be happy! It's something though, to be surrounded by people who understand what you went through and what you're going through now. If you're there we can help you and the loneliness won't have such an easy time getting to you. I see that now." He sits quietly for a minute, taking in what he said and collecting his thoughts once more.

            Finally he continues on "And don't you ever say that things don't eat me alive, don't you dare say that I can't understand anything that you're feeling. I've felt it all too Duo, I just handle it in a different way than you or even Wufei, Trowa and Quatre. My life isn't in order, or at least not in the sense you think it is. I just have an idea of what I want and what I need. You just need to gain sight of what exactly it is you're looking for."

            After all the rage lies in the air between them and out of their bodies they lapse into an unsure silence. They stare at each other trying to figure out what they're thinking and what to say, until Duo finally speaks. "I went to see Quatre once."

            He nods, "So I was told."

            "Did he tell you how I left a few days earlier than intended?"

            "Yes."

            "Did he tell about how I almost lost it there?"
          &nb sp; "…No…." Duo catches the slight glance away but decides to ignore it.

            "I don't think he even really knows what happened. One moment I was fine and the next I was so angry I left in the middle of the night. I don't think he even knew there was more anger inside me, he knew there was some, but he didn't know I left because I was going even crazier than I let on."

            "Duo you aren't making any sense."

            "Are you going to smother me with your joy, Heero? Are you going to understand if I have to leave in the middle of the night because I feel like the anger is going to consume me and my soul?"

            "I'll do my best for you."

            "Then maybe I'll go to your home." He thinks for a minute, "Are you going to judge me based on your own lifestyle and pretenses?"

            "…No..."

            "Do you promise?"

            "Yes."

            "Alright…then can I please go home? My head hurts and I want to get a few things."

            "I'll go check out."

            Duo wonders, Would Heero really understand if he ran away from them all again but maybe this time for good? If he was never able to speak to him or see him again, would he understand and let it alone? Or would he keep fighting for him?  Would he want Heero to keep trying, or would he really want to sink into the ice of the shadows?