Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Reason to be Beautiful ❯ Reason to be Beautiful ( One-Shot )

(Love hangs herself

With the bedsheets in her cell

Threw myself on fires for you

10 good reasons to stay alive

10 good reasons that I can't find)

You're late. You're always late. You love your damn missions more than me… but that's okay, and you know it's okay, and that's the reason you walk all over me. I fucking hate you, and not just because you're late. I hate the fact that when you come home you're too tired to look at me, and if you do I'm only a quick fuck to you. After all, I'm just a pretty face with a long braid. God how I hate you.

(Oh, give me a reason to be beautiful

So sick in his body

So sick in his soul

Oh, give me one reason to be beautiful

Oh, and everything I am)

Why did I have to love you, of all people? I fell in love with the fucking Perfect Soldier - and you told me you loved me too. What a fool I was! You don't love me, you can't. You might have, but now I'm nothing more than a convenient release of stress at night. And I waited for you, like some damn pet, and opened my arms to you. The others notice the difference in me, in how even when there are no bruises on my face there are bruises on my soul. How many times have I let you hit me, only to tell them that it was just a mission gone wrong? And how many times have I faked a smile when inside I was bleeding to death? There are no bandages for what you've done to me, nothing even Q-man can do to heal the ragged wounds in my heart.

(Love hates you

I live my life in ruins for you

And for all your secrets kept

I squashed the blossom

And the blossom's dead.)

Q-man asked about you. More than the others, he can tell. He looked so goddamn hurt when I told him everything was fine between us, the same it had always been. That wasn't a total lie - it's been a long time since you have looked at me with anything approaching love in your eyes. Lust, maybe, but that's not the same thing. I, of all people, would know that. I hate having to lie to Quatre - it hurt so much, he is so sweet, what on Earth did he ever do to you, you son of a bitch?

(Oh, give me a reason to be beautiful

So sick in his body

So sick in his soul

Oh, and I will make myself so beautiful

Oh, and everything I am)

Why can't you just tell me to go the fuck away? I want my freedom from this cage, Yuy, because the bars you've built around me are inescapable. There is nothing I can do because I am so totally in love with you that it hurts when you're not here, more than it hurts when you are, when you're violating and beating my body and soul. I love you so much I would kill for you, and I love you so much, Heero Yuy, that I'm dying for you. And the worst part of it all is you don't even see that you're killing me. You don't notice how the light you ignited in my eyes, you extinguished. Goddamn you, Yuy, why does it hurt so fucking much to write this?

(Miles and miles of perfect skin

I swear I do, I fit right in

My love burns through everything

I cannot breath)

I cannot cry. I cannot let myself cry; that's one thing you taught me. You saw me cry one time. Did you feel sorry for me? Did you stop your brutal torture? No, do you remember what you did? You hit me. You got so furious at me. You told me to stop being so fucking weak. Then you caressed me and told me I was beautiful, and then you fucked me. You only made love to me once, that was it. When we first got together. You were so gentle, so caring. You screamed your love for me when you came. It is that image, I think, more than anything that keeps me here. Who am I kidding? I could never leave you, ever, even if you killed me, and you are pretty damn close, Yuy.

(Miles and miles of perfect sin

I swear, I said, I fit right in

I fit right in your perfect skin

I cannot breath)

What do you want from me? Do you want me to crawl around on my hands and knees? No, I doubt that, because that would be weak. I think, maybe, that you just want me to be like you. You want a Perfect Boyfriend who has no emotions, but guess what, Yuy? What you got was me, a fickle American who wants to be fucking loved… or at the very least, to be free from this torture. I love you with all my heart, and I will not leave you, but I want you to kick me out so I don't have to put up with you anymore.

(Hey, baby, take it all the way… down

Hey, baby, taste me anyway

Oh, you were born so pretty

Oh summerbabe, we'll never know…

And fading like a rose)

But you will never do that, will you? God, I almost want to thank you. I think, maybe, you loved me once, and I sure as hell love you. I love you enough to blow my Gundam to hell, to tell Q-man to go fuck himself, to let you abuse me and leave me behind. I never could fight back, you know. Oh, I know you're the Perfect Soldier and I would die, but at the same time, I could never bring myself to hurt you. Maybe it's because I love you entirely too much, but maybe I just don't want to deal with the guilt of seeing a bruise anywhere on your beautiful body and knowing I had caused it.

(Give me a reason to be beautiful

So sick in his body

So sick in his soul

I'll give you my body

Just sell me your soul

Oh, and everything I am will be bought and sold

Oh, and everything I am will turn hard and cold)

Oh, Heero, can't you just go back to the way you were? Can't you whisper "ai shiteru" in my ear one last time, can't you scream it in passion, or at least say it to my face? Can't you consider something outside of your mission? I just want one look of love, and I'll be content forever, all right? All I want is one, and I don't think that's too much to ask… this hurts so badly… this whole fucking thing hurts so badly… I never wanted to have to write this. But I'm at the end of my rope, if you'll pardon the cliché. I won't escape, you won't set me free… there is really only one thing left, you know?

(And they say in the end

You'll get bitter just like them

And they steal your heart away

When the fire goes out you better learn to fake

It's better to rise than fade away…)

I fucking hate you, Yuy, more than you will ever understand, for what you have done to me. If you had just pretended, at least, to love me, I would have been content. But you couldn't, and now everything that I ever was, everything that I ever had, is gone. How I hate you for that! But in the end it's okay, because even now as I'm getting tired, I realize that I will never stop loving you. I love you enough to rid you of the nuisance of an unwanted, unwelcome houseguest. Even when I realize, at least now, how much it fucking hurts to do it.

(Hey, you were right

Named a star for your eyes

Did you freeze?

Did you weep?

Turn to gold, baby, sleep)

So it comes down to this. God, my head is getting fuzzy… it's hard to collect my thoughts… maybe I should have written this earlier. But it's too late now, right? You won the war. Good for you, you son of a bitch. Not Quatre, not Trowa, not Wufei, not me… no, we were side notes. Of course we were, you Perfect Bastard. You don't even feel guilty for what you've done to us all, after we went through the same hell as you. No, because you're the Perfect Soldier, and you don't make mistakes.

(Hey, honey mine

I was there all the time

And I weep at your feet

And it rains and rains)

You're back. I think you might come in here today, tomorrow, who knows when you'll notice. You never noticed before that I was there, so it will be the same when I'm gone. It's the end of the line for the joker, and now the clock is ticking, never altering… seems like you, almost. How long has it taken me to write this? Doesn't matter, you won't care that I did, I just thought… maybe… I don't know, i can't remember luv u hero nevr forgt me k gdbyilseyouinnxtlifmybe