Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Recrimination ❯ Recrimination ( Chapter 1 )

Recrimination

(sequel to `Resolution' & `Confrontation')

 

By DRL

 

This is a follow-up story to `'Resolution' and `Confrontation'. It stands alone fairly well, but if anyone needs a reminder of what `the other two stories were all about, it they can be found on MediaMiner, on FF.net or here - http://www.geocities.com/mystera_k/DRL.htm as well as one or two other places

 

 

Wufei sat at his desk and stared down at the document before him. The words on the page swam in and out of focus, and although his eyes traversed the lines of text, he took in not one word. Irritably, he ground the heels of his hands against his eyes, pressing hard in an attempt to clear his head and focus his concentration. His mind was still in the state of flux it had been in since he had left the home of Lady Anne Kushrenada an hour or two earlier.

 

After his impromptu meeting with her and the ensuing interview, the first thing he did was to call Treize. This he did with a thought to stopping his lover from rushing over to his estranged wife's house, which Wufei was sure would be Treize's first action on learning that the two of them were together and talking... about him. Then Wufei suddenly changed his mind, and before his call was connected he cancelled it and switched off his cellphone. No, let Treize hightail it over to Lady Anne's. He would soon realise that he was way too late and the damage was already done.

 

As he looked up from his fruitless scrutiny of the document, something that Lady Anne had said to him suddenly came to his mind. `You're sleeping with the boss so make the most of it. You can do whatever you like.' she had said to him. The statement had irked him at the time, but he now he realised that she actually had a point. He took the document up from his blotter and dropped it back into his in-tray, retrieved his jacket from its hanger behind the door and swept out of his office and the building, pausing only to leave a brief message with the receptionist.

 

“If anyone asks for me, tell them I've gone home.” He said.

 

As he drove back to the small flat he now shared with Treize, he pondered the fact that, having arrived at his erstwhile marital home and found his bird flown, Treize would then return to the office in an attempt to catch up with Wufei there, only to find the nest empty once more. Only then would he come back to the flat, having chased Wufei all around town. This thought gave Wufei a certain vindictive pleasure, and he smiled sardonically. And when Treize finally caught up with him, Wufei would be ready for him.

 

Once back at the flat Wufei exchanged his business suit and tie for casual jeans and a t-shirt, and mixed himself a stiff whisky and soda. He did not usually drink sprits and the only reason the bottle was in the house at all was because Treize drank it (rather copiously at times, he thought), but today he felt he could use some of the fortification that ardent spirit was rumoured to provide. Tipping his head back, Wufei downed the drink in one swallow. He grimaced as the fluid seared its way down his throat and not for the first time, as he felt the alcohol go straight to his head, he wondered how anyone could possibly drink the foul concoction for pleasure. This thought notwithstanding, he was contemplating mixing himself another despite the alarming way in which his head was beginning to swim, when he heard the sound of Treize's key in the lock. Wufei slowly replaced the bottle ofLaphroaig and turned towards the door..., and stood listening while Treize wrestled with the lock for a full 30 seconds, to no avail.

 

Wufei smiled fondly. The security lock on the front door had always been a little stiff and though Wufei had shown Treize time and time again how to insert the key and turn it `just so' in order to release the mechanism, he never could seem to manage it. Just as Wufei was about to take pity on him and let him in, the key turned in the lock and his lover rushed in.

 

“Fei, I've been looking for you all over.” Treize said as he hurriedly crossed the room to where Wufei stood. “You called me and then rang off before I could answer, and I haven't been able to get through on your cellphone since. I went to Anne's and she told me that you had gone back to the office. I went back there and they told me that you had gone home. My god Fei, I've been so worried!” Treize cupped Wufei's face in his hands and searched the smaller man's, face, his own brow creased with concern. “Are you okay?”

 

Wufei felt a stab of guilt at Treize's obvious distress. By leading him a merry little dance, he had meant to cause Treize a great deal of inconvenience and perhaps a little annoyance but he had overlooked the fact that the other man, who was fiercely protective of his younger lover, might actually have been worried about him or concerned for his safety.

 

“Yes, I'm fine.” He replied with a weak smile.

 

“Thank-god.” Treize said with a deep sigh of relief, and he enfolded Wufei in his arms.

 

In spite of himself, Wufei softened sufficiently to return the embrace, touched by Treize's obvious concern for him. He relaxed against Treize's warm body and inhaled his sweet, musky scent, and suddenly Wufei wanted nothing so much as to remain right where he was, wrapped in the older man's strong arms. Then he remembered. He released his hold, pushed Treize roughly from him, took a step back and stood glaring up at him. Treize looked down at him, his frown now one of confusion.

 

“Fei, what's wrong?” He asked. Wufei's eyes narrowed.

 

“You can ask me that, knowing that I have just spent the afternoon speaking to your wife?” He spat. Treize looked up to the ceiling and drew a deep breath, exhaling it slowly. He turned his gaze back to Wufei, and his expression was now one of resignation.

 

“What did she tell you about me?” He asked with palpable apprehension. Wufei gave a bitter, mirthless laugh.

 

“Oh don't flatter yourself that we spent all afternoon talking about you.” He said with a casual air that failed to mask his obvious ire. He crossed his arms across his chest and fixed Treize with a flinty gaze. “She actually told me about herself. She told me that she was very much in love with you, but that you didn't lover her. She told me that you were in love with your best friend...” Wufei's voice broke at this point, and he turned away lest he betray any weakness.

 

Ever since Lady Anne had inadvertently let slip this crushing revelation, Wufei had suppressed his reaction to the news, had buried the torrent of emotion that had flooded through him. He had put it to the back of his mind and had attempted to continue through the day, but the terrible knowledge had refused to remain submerged and his attempt failed dismally. Now his seething emotions bubbled to the surface and threatened to overspill. Hot tears pricked at his eyes, and he squeezed his eyes tightly against them.

 

“Oh shit!” Treize muttered as Wufei's last words resounded round the room. Wufei heard the uncharacteristic expletive, even though it had been uttered sotto voce. He felt Treize's gentle touch on his tense shoulders and felt the warmth of his body as he came up close behind him. “Wufei I...” He began, but the younger man shrugged him off, took a step or two away to put some distance between them, then he turned, rounding on his lover.

 

“How could you Treize?” Wufei spat angrily, his obsidian eyes flashing, “How could you let me hear it like that? Why didn't you tell me yourself? Why didn't you tell me that you and Milliardo..., you and MY BOSS were once lovers?” This last he hurled at Treize as an accusation.

 

Treize gaped wordlessly at Wufei for a second or two. His jaw worked, but no sound issued forth. Then, opting for the moral high-ground, he drew himself up to his full height.

 

“That vindictive little bitch!” He said with some heat, “She had no right. It was a matter between me and you, and...”

 

“And what, exactly?” Wufei cut him off. “And she should have left you to tell me in your own time?” Treize opened his mouth to speak, but Wufei ploughed on. “Do not even think about insulting me by giving me that one.” He said, raising a trembling hand and pointing an accusatory finger at Treize. “We have been lovers for almost three years,” He continued hotly, “At what point were you going to tell me?” Wufei paused for a much-needed breath, and Treize seized his opportunity.

 

“Fei, you don't understand...” He began, but again Wufei overrode him.

 

“Oh, I understand alright.” He said. “I understand that both of you, you and Milliardo, played me for a complete and utter fool. What, did the two of you have a jolly good old laugh on the links when you played golf together? I can just imagine you both -`what little Wufei doesn't know won't hurt him'. Well little Wufei knows all about it now, and it hurts him very much.”

 

“Fei, please calm down.” Treize said in an attempt at conciliation. “You've got quite the wrong impression. It was not like that at all.” He stepped towards Wufei and attempted to place an arm about his shoulders, but once again,Wufei shrugged it off roughly.

 

“Don't touch me,” He hissed, “Don't you touch me.” He drew back from Treize as if from some foul thing and stood, glaring at him. “Lady Anne did say that it was all over between the two of you before your marriage, but I wonder? You and Milliardo have always been very close. I didn't think anything of it before, but now... What was it Treize, were you fucking the two of us on the go? Oh no, it was the three of us wasn't it, because let's not forget the crumbs you threw Lady Anne from your big, lordly supper table...”

 

“Wufei be quiet!” Treize's stentorian tone stopped Wufei dead. He looked up at his lover with a startled expression, which quickly turned to one of caution. Treize regarded him with the `don't mess with me' look in his eye that Wufei recognised from many an office conference, although seldom was it ever directed at him. This time it was though, in full force and Wufei quailed before it as the wind in his sails fell to a light breeze. Too late, he realised that somehow he had gone too far.

 

“Just you listen to me for once.” The older man continued roughly. “You asked it of me, but now I put the same question to you? How could you? How could you say such a thing? Have I ever given you cause to believe I could do any such thing to you? HAVE I?” Treize's voice rose as Wufei failed to respond. Wufei flinched at his lover's grim tone and he shook his head quickly. Treize nodded a curt acknowledgement. “No, I should say not.

 

“I have tried to do my very best for you under extremely difficult circumstances Wufei,” He continued in a more moderate tone, “although you may not believe it. True, the circumstances were mine, not yours because I pursued you and drew you into a relationship with me despite the fact that I was married. Perhaps I should not have done so, but the wrong or right of it is not the issue. We fell in love with each other, and that is all that matters. We began an affair, but you eventually found your role as my `paramour' for want of a better word, untenable. I could not blame you for that so in fairness to you and because that was what you wanted, I left my wife to make a life with you, to the severe detriment of my personal, not to mention professional, reputation, but that is not important. Nevertheless, I rode out the storm, and in doing so ensured that there was no storm as far as you were concerned, and I have to say that that took some doing, but I did it - I did it for you.” Treize stepped towards the by now contrite Wufei, and looked deep into his obsidian eyes, which were wide now, and full of sorrow.

 

“I never intended to tell you this, but I sacrificed a lot to be here with you now. I don't mean my marriage, because that was a sham from the start, as you well know, but other things, other... personal things. As I said, I did not intend to tell you anything about it and at the end of the day it did not really matter, not as long as you were happy. But hearing what you just said to me hurt Fei, and all the more so because I could never do such a callous thing to you, you whom I love with all my heart, and I would have hoped that you would have known that.” Treize looked down at the younger man with a clear, steady gaze in which there was more sorrow than anger. Wufei groaned and threw himself at Treize, wrapping his arms around him.

 

“Oh Treize, I'm sorry,” He said, his voice muffled by the other man's clothing as he pressed his cheek into Treize's broad chest, “I'm so sorry. I..., I was just angry and...”

 

“It's alright my love.” Treize said softly. He held Wufei in a comforting embrace for a moment or two, then drew him away gently, looking tenderly down at the shorter man. “Perhaps you are right,” He said, “Perhaps I should have told you. Perhaps there are a lot of things that I should tell you, but I only meant to save you pain. But come, sit, and let me explain.”

 

He led Wufei across the room to the sofa. As his younger lover settled himself on the soft leather seat, Treize crossed back to the drinks table. He selected a heavy crystal rummer and poured himself a generous measure of the same single malt whisky that Wufei had just used to strengthen his resolve. He took a sip of the amber liquid and in stark contrast to Wufei's grimace at the same sensation, he closed his eyes in appreciative rapture as the neat spirit, unadulterated by either water or ice, slid its warming way down his gullet. He turned and carried the drink back to where Wufei waited for him, curled up like a kitten amongst the profusion of scatter cushions that littered the sofa. Treize, who was still dressed in a smartly tailored business suit, quickly divested himself of the jacket, which he threw carelessly across the arm of the sofa, before seating himself beside his lover. In the way that Treize adored, Wufei immediately snuggled up to him and laid his head gently on the older man's shoulder. Treize sipped at his whisky and, using his free hand, he swiftly loosened the knot of his tie and unfastened the collar button of his shirt before dropping his arm across Wufei's shoulders and drawing him closer still.

 

Wufei raised his head and kissed Treize gently on the lips. He savoured the taste of the whisky, which he enjoyed much better second-hand, once its strength had been diluted somewhat. Laying his head on Treize's shoulder once more, he inhaled deeply, relishing the way in which the alcoholic aroma of the whisky mingled with the musky sweetness of Treize's cologne, resulting in a heady, extremely masculine scent, which Wufei found irresistibly sexy. He fleetingly contemplated enticing Treize to make love to him here, now, on the sofa, but this issue had to be resolved. The integrity of their relationship depended upon it. His unquestioning faith in his lover had suffered a severe blow, and he desperately needed to have that trust restored.

 

Wufei loved Treize deeply, but while he and Lady Anne still lived together as man and wife, Wufei always had the sense that he knew only a part - a very small part - of Treize, that there were large sections of his lover's life that he would never, ever be privy to. This was, of course, quite true because they only had what little time they could snatch together, and much of that was spent making love. Now that they lived together, things had improved considerably, but this latest revelation had shaken Wufei to the core. He now felt that, as before, he only knew a part of Treize, and he could not countenance a relationship under such uncertain circumstances, not now. Something else that Lady Anne had said to him earlier that day now came back to him. `I wish you and Treize well, please believe that, but I wouldn't trust him any further than I could throw him. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about. As I said, he has a cruel streak. I would hate to see him hurt you, but I suspect he will.' Some might have said that this was just sour grapes on the part of an abandoned wife - a woman scorned, as it were, but Wufei did not think so. He sensed that Lady Anne had borne him no ill will whatsoever despite the circumstances, and that she firmly believed what she had said and had meant it as a heartfelt warning. One or two things that had come out during his talk with Lady Anne had already convinced Wufei that there might actually be something in what the woman said. He had to know, and he had to know now.

 

“Treize,” Wufei began as he ran his fingers lightly over the silky smoothness of Treize's Egyptian cotton shirt, “You're right, you should have told me about you and Milliardo. I should not have had to hear it the way I did, and before you say anything nasty about her, Lady Anne didn't tell me out of maliciousness or anything like that. She was just talking generally, and I guess she assumed I already knew.” Wufei's voice took on a slight edge at the humiliating memory. He eased himself from Treize's embrace and looked at the other man with eyes hard with censure. “There was I defending you against anything she said about you, and in the same instant I discover that you have been lying to me all along. I felt such a fool.”

 

“I didn't exactly lie...”

 

“It was a lie of omission, that's the same thing.” Wufei said curtly. “Why didn't you tell me?” He entreated with exasperation. Treize extended an arm and drew Wufei back into his embrace.

 

“As I said my love,” He replied gently, “I wanted to save you pain.”

 

“Well it didn't work.” Wufei retorted with petulance, although his quick flash of anger had abated for the most part, and he snuggled quite unresistingly against Treize's body. Treize sighed heavily.

 

“No, I don't suppose it did.” He said. “It really wasn't anything that you needed to worry about, since it was all over such a long time ago.” He continued. “Milliardo and I were both very young. Our parents were friends and consequently so were we, and we became quite infatuated with each other. We were together quite a lot at the time, so we had ample opportunity to allow things to develop and well, they did. It was the first sexual experience for both of us, and with the upsurge of emotion that that brings, we fancied ourselves in love with each other. We probably were too in our own gauche, fumbling way.

 

“It was too good to last though, and young and foolish as we were, we were very soon found out. We made the mistake of falling asleep after making love in the sacristy of the chapel on my family's estate - can you imagine that?” Treize laughed softly at the memory. “Love on consecrated ground, although I'm sure it was not the first time. The chaplain always did look at me rather oddly, and they don't call these priests father for nothing. Anyway, the sacristan who caught us lying naked on a pile of ecclesiastical vestments, wasted no time in carrying the news to my father. Well that was that for Milliardo and I. I was too old for a thrashing, of course, but Mill got the hiding of his life, then he and I were sent away to school at opposite ends of the globe. I'm convinced that our parents were more appalled by the sacrilege than by the discovery that their young hopefuls were gay, but that is just my humble opinion.

 

“We returned home periodically, of course, but we were quite effectively kept apart even then. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it didn't seem to in this situation. We wrote to each other and we spoke on the phone occasionally, but that was the only contact we had for some little time. Our puppy love finally ran its course however, and when we next met it was as good friends, nothing more. Oh we still remained close, and we still are, as you well know, but we never became lovers again. The die was cast though, and I remain attracted to men rather than women to this day, while Mill enjoys a piece of rump just as much as a slice of breast.” Wufei laughed at t his and raised his head to look his lover in the eye.

 

“That is an appalling way of putting it.” He said with an amused grin. Treize made no apology for his irreverent turn of phrase, and he continued.

 

“So you see Fei, it is all ancient history and there was no real need to tell you. I did wonder whether I should, in the interests of full disclosure between us, but then I'm afraid that I am not one of those people who believe in absolute candour between two people in a relationship. I believe that it can sometimes be detrimental, and I'm afraid that this just proves it. After all, if Anne hadn't mentioned it to you and you had never known anything about it, would you have been any worse off?” Wufei hesitated a long moment before giving a reluctant shake of his head. “Were you perfectly happy before you heard about it?” Treize continued, and Wufei nodded in affirmation. “And now that you know, how do you feel?” He asked again. Wufei hesitated again before breathing a sigh of resignation.

 

“Okay Treize, you've made your point.” He said.

 

“Exactly.” Treize said with an air of triumph. “There was also a professional reason why I elected not to tell you about me and Mill.” Treize continued after a brief pause. “Milliardo is the Vice President of my company and you are his executive assistant. You both work very well together. I didn't want to upset the professional dynamic between you by introducing suspicion, resentment and jealously, and you cannot tell me that there would not have been at least a modicum of that if I had told you what we had once meant to each other, can you?”

 

“So we are back to The Company are we?” Wufei said dryly. “It always comes back to The Company doesn't it?”

 

“Don't evade the question Wufei.” Treize said implacably.

 

Wufei reluctantly conceded. Treize was absolutely right. Poised and ready to pounce, he waited to see whether his lover would make any attempt at warning him against allowing his newly-acquired knowledge to affect his working relationship with Milliardo, but Treize obviously knew better. His lover could read him like a book - Wufei knew this well. He seemed to know precisely when to come on strong and when to back off, although this didn't always save him from Wufei's volatile temperament. They remained companionably silent while Treize sipped his whisky. Wufei felt a little better than he had at the beginning of the interview, but there was still one doubt that he had to lay to rest.

 

“Treize,” He asked, “Why did you marry Lady Anne if you knew that you were gay? It seems like a really mean thing to do.” Treize sighed.

 

“Fei, I had absolutely no choice.” He replied. “If I had had my way I would never have married, but as things were, if it wasn't Anne, it would have been some other poor sacrificial lamb. What you have to understand is that when one is born into a family such as mine - Anne's too for that matter, and Mill's - one's life is pretty much governed by filial duty and responsibility, and one's own personal preferences and desires are given very short shrift. One does as one is told for the good of the family name and honour, and that is very much that. As the family heir I have a huge responsibility upon my shoulders, and part of that is to ensure the continuance of the Kushrenada dynasty, i.e. marrying and producing a legitimate heir.. Anne always had a bit of a crush on me - well, more than a bit really - and when my father informed me that a marriage had been arranged between us and that Anne was willing to take me on despite my `shortcomings', I figured ` why not'? More fool her, but at least she was pretty.” Wufei raised his head abruptly to look at Treize.

 

“Wait a minute,” He said, “You mean you thought that she knew all about you, that you were gay, I mean?”

 

“Of course!” Treize replied indignantly. “Surely you don't think I would have gone through with it if I had suspected for one moment that she didn't know, do you?”

 

Wufei dropped his head back onto Treize's shoulder, slid his arms around him and gave him an affectionate squeeze. This was exactly what he had been thinking. Ever since his conversation with Lady Anne Kushrenada earlier that day, he had been wondering how the man that he loved and respected could have committed such a base act against an innocent and unsuspecting young woman. He now realised that he had jumped to an erroneous conclusion, for the second time that day.

 

“Would that I had known.” Treize said contemplatively. “It would have sparked my rebellion a little sooner and a great deal of harm might have been avoided. Very shortly after our marriage, however, it soon became apparent that she hadn't known at all. She had been cruelly deceived - we both had - and our respective families had connived at the whole sorry mess. In all fairness, they both believed that once I was married, I would soon forget this homosexuality nonsense. `A good woman will soon put him straight' was the general consensus, but it doesn't quite work that way, and they were all destined for disappointment, while Anne and I were destined for a life of abject misery.

 

“To save her any further injury I resolved to have a stab at it. I tried to play the dutiful husband, and I did my best for about a year. Then I met you, and all bets were off. Even though I then gave up any attempt at being any kind of real husband to Anne, I couldn't bring myself to leave her. After all, none of this was her fault so why should she be the one to endure the greatest suffering? In the end though, I had to make a choice - dutiful son, reluctant husband and miserable forever, or family black sheep, social pariah and blissfully happy. I made my choice, and I think I made the right one.” He dropped a light kiss onto the top of Wufei's head.

 

Wufei breathed a sigh of satisfaction, and snuggled closer to Treize. He was a fool to have doubted his lover. He was annoyed with himself for not having trusted Treize sufficiently to prevent Lady Anne's words from arousing such negative passions within him. He merely heard a few words, jumped to completely the wrong conclusions and immediately cast his lover in the role of a liar and a deceiver. It concerned Wufei greatly how quickly he had believed the worst of Treize. He was troubled and dishearten by his lack of faith in a man that he claimed to love, and he began now to question the value of that love. He asked himself whether, if the tables had been turned and Treize had heard something that had apparently cast Wufei in an unfavourable light, would he, Treize, have reacted in the same way, entertained the same doubts. Unfortunately, the answer was no, a thousand times no. Wufei knew that Treize would render unwavering loyalty and support, whatever the circumstances. Wufei could not say the same. He had been tried, and found wanting, and this troubled him greatly. Perhaps he didn't really love Treize at all. Perhaps he was not capable of love, only of reproach and censure (and Wufei reluctantly conceded that he was extremely good at the latter two). Since they had begun living together Treize had been the one to make all the concessions. Wufei had had it all pretty much his own way and Treize had not complained at all - not once. He had given up his grandiose lifestyle of mansions, servants and unadulterated luxury for a tiny, two-bedroom, urban apartment without a murmur of protest or a hint of regret.

 

Wufei glanced down and caught sight of Treize's empty whisky glass. He opened his mouth to speak, but his customary reprimand regarding his lover's drinking habits died on his lips, and he took the glass from Treize's hand. It was time to redress the balance a little. He did love Treize - he loved him dearly, and though he may not always be overly assiduous in demonstrating his love, he could always make amends.

 

“I'll fix you another drink.” He said, and he rose and crossed to the drinks table.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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