Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Relena CAN'T Cook ❯ Chapter 2

Relena Can't Cook! Part 2
Disclaimer: Look at all of my other fics, the same one applies.
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A five weeks and two days after Heero finally recovered from ingesting Relena's toxic waste, I mean, food...

Heero: *gets out of bed* At least I'm ok, now...
Duo: Hehe, the 'Perfect Soldier' can't even stand up to his woman! *four 2x4s hit Shinigami-chan on the head* Where the hell are all those things coming from?
Other G-boys: *placing 2x4s behind their backs* No clue...
Duo: What's that behind your back? *gets hit with four more 2x4s* Oh...THAT was...behind...your back...*passes out*
Quatre: That was kind of mean to do to Duo, don't you think?
Heero: NO!
Wufei: Now that big mouth Maxwell is out cold, we can order ourselves some real food! *starts looking for the phone book*
Trowa: Are you sure that Relena isn't home?
Heero: Yes, she won't be home until six o' clock.
Quatre: Are you sure?
Wufei: *slightly annoyed at Quatre and Trowa's questions and at the fact he can't find the damn phonebook* When Yuy says he's sure, Yuy is sure!
Trowa: *finds the phonebook and opens it to 'Delivery Food'* Ok, so...what are we going to eat?

All five Gundam pilots look at each other, and smirk...

Everyone: PIZZA!

They continued to do this for a few months or so. Then, on one horrible day, Relena decided to surprise her Hee-chan by coming home early!

Relena: *walks in* Hi guys!
Wufei: *quickly covering the phonebook because it was open to the "Pizza" section* Onna! AHHH!
Trowa: *quickly stuffing the check he wrote out to Little Caesar's in his pocket* What are you doing home so early?
Relena: Um...I got out of work early...
Wufei: *mutters under his breath* Please don't remind us, onna...
Heero: *walks into the room* AHHH! *runs out of the room when he sees Relena*
Relena: *confused* Ooook...well, I was going to cook you boys some lunch!
Everyone: Ahhhhh! NOT LUNCH!
Relena: Huh? Oh, I know you're all excited because you're going to have some of my fine cooking, so I'll go get started now!
Everyone: NO!
Heero: *sticks head back into the room* What we mean is, Relena...*looks at her* um...we would love to have some lunch cooked by you!
Relena: *runs over to Heero and gives him a big hug and a kiss* Ok, Hee-chan! I better go get started! *dances into the kitchen*

When Relena is in the kitchen, the other four G-boys turn around to face Heero. Heero starts sweatdropping as the other guys advance on him. They all jump the 'Perfect Soldier' and kick his ass.

Wufei: What the hell were you thinking, Yuy!? Has that ZERO system made you lose it completely?
Heero: ... *passes out*

In the kitchen...

Relena: Hmm...what shall I make my Hee-chan and his friends? I KNOW! I'll make them some sandwiches! *finds a loaf of mold-covered bread* I'm not sure if this bread is very good, but I know my Hee-chan will eat it!

Relena continues making the sandwiches until there is one for everyone. In the living room...

Duo: *smells the air, and starts coughing* I smell something rotten!
Wufei: Maybe Yuy's onna's cooking...
Heero: *awakens when he smells the strange gas-like stuff in the air* It can't be that bad!
Duo: *slaps Heero and starts shaking him* Heero! HELLO! Boy, you were sick for a month because you ate Relena's cooking and you say 'It can't be that bad'? What the hell's the matter with you!?
Wufei: You have to agree with Maxwell on this one, Yuy. Your onna can't cook worth shit!
Duo: Yeah! It makes my attempt at cooking look good!

All of the Gundam pilots look at Duo like he's some kind of weird thing from outer space.

Duo: WHAT?!
Everyone: Nothing...

Trowa and Quatre are at the kitchen door, armed with gas masks. Even with them, the pilots of Heavyarms and Sandrock can still smell the toxic waste Relena has the nerve of labeling as 'food'. Trowa suddenly became nauseous and threw up into a nearby plant. Quatre himself nearly became sick at the sight of Trowa throwing up, but managed to control it.

Duo: Even with all that stuff on your face, you can STILL smell it too, eh?
Trowa: *weakly* Yeah, the smell makes whatever you tried to cook smell pleasent, and believe me, it wasn't...
Duo: Uh...ok...

The GW boys walk into the kitchen when Relena calls them and sit down in front of the 'food'. There were masses of dead flies all over the kitchen...

Quatre: Not even the flies could survive the smell...
Heero: It's not THAT bad....
Relena: *smiling proudly at her 'accomplishment'* Well, boys...dig in!
G-boys: *look at each other* Ok...

Each one of them look at the sandwich Relena had set before them, then go back to looking at one another again.

Heero: You try it, Duo...
Duo: Oh no...she ain't my girl, so you try it, Heero...
Heero: You're a guest, so YOU eat it first...
Duo: Oh, I couldn't...seeing how you LIVE HERE!
Quatre: Oh, come on! It doesn't look that bad!

Quatre, the brave soul that he is, picks up the sandwich as the other Gundam pilots look on. Quatre takes a bite out of the sandwich and swallows it. Again, the other four GW boys stare at him in amazement. Then, Quatre just sits there for a minute or two and falls out of his seat. The other GW boys push their sandwiches aside...

Relena: Wow! Was the sandwich really that good, Quatre!? Uh...Quatre?
Everyone: *sweatdrops*
Trowa, Duo, and Wufei: *faint*
Heero: *thinking* Ok...so maybe they WERE right...Relena really should be banished from the kitchen...

Again, this was some more senseless Relena-bashing. Please review! Ja ne!
-ChibiChibi-chan