Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Remain ❯ Anicca ( Chapter 1 )

“Remain”

Part 1: Anicca

By: Omni-sama

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Ratings: Current chapter= PG-13/R; Overall=NC-17

Pairings: 2+1, 1+?, established 3x4 and 6x9, eventual 2x1 and…others…don't wish to spoil all now.

Warnings: Overall, the fic will contain swearing, death (this isn't a “death fic”), sexual situations involving two men, and a possibly likable Relena.

Disclaimer: Don't own. Bandai and other people do.

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There were no more wars, only small battles. They weren't soldiers anymore, they were peacekeepers. Other things changed, too. Already existing friendships were strengthened and developed, new friendships were formed, and slowly people started forgetting about past affiliations. It wasn't like it was something easy. No, you can't just easily toss a bunch of people together who used to be enemies and allies and expect them all to work together like the best of friends. It had been especially difficult for a few of them, the ones that had been the most infamous during the wars. There would probably always be those who held grudges. It's just human nature. But for the most part, time had helped to settle any differences. Well, time and the experience of working together.

 

Duo Maxwell understood grudges. After all, one had inspired him to fight in the war when he was just a child. But that was a long time ago, even if it was only a few years. He never knew his birthday, but he guessed that he was about twenty now. It had only been half a decade, and so much had changed. Then again, that's what war does. It changes things abruptly, then calls for even more change afterwards.

 

There was a female agent who was from the department three floors down that had confronted Duo early on in his job as a Preventer. Evidently he had killed her brother during the war. It wasn't as if he knew for certain whether he did or not. He so rarely saw the faces of those he killed, and even then it wasn't as if he was taking names. But he allowed her to yell at him. He allowed her to cry as she weakly beat her fists against his chest. And when she started to collapse from all the pain and sorrow being released from her at once, he caught her. They never became friends, but if they see each other in the halls, they'll smile politely. Even the smile was something that had taken time. It took three years before she would even look at him, and another year before she would offer the smile. He had considered sending her flowers or something for her birthday once, but rejected the idea when he realized that if he sent flowers to everyone in Preventers who had someone they loved killed by him, he would probably go broke.

 

Still, for the most part those in Preventers were able to recognize that what was done in the war was nothing personal, but merely one's job. Now they had other jobs, and they shouldn't let what happened in previous jobs interfere with their current ones. So things changed while not really changing much at all.

 

Like Heero Yuy, for example. Or, more accurately, Duo's feelings for Heero. They had become closer friends as the time passed. Early on they did so well working on assignments together that when the Preventers decided to try out having official partners assigned, they were a natural choice. Their success rate was unparalleled. Even though they were both very focused while on the job, in off hours Duo managed to successfully draw Heero further and further out of his shell until he was able to interact with people in a semi-normal fashion. Heero never dated, though. Duo wanted to believe that it was because Heero wanted Duo, but just didn't know how to go about telling him. There was always a fear, however, that Heero was in love with the Vice Foreign Minister, Relena Peacecraft. It was that fear and doubt which prevented Duo from ever trying to see if Heero would be interested in something beyond friendship.

 

Duo was another prime example of something that changed so much and yet hadn't changed at all. He was older, taller, stronger, more experienced, and yet still so very chicken when it came to some things.

 

But really, how does one go about wooing one's best friend and professional partner? These things needed to be handled delicately, as far as Duo could tell, and he was never very good at delicacy. Pretty much he figured it was mostly in Heero's hands. To be fair, he had done his share of hinting. It was no secret that he was bisexual, having openly dated several guys after he and Hilde had decided they worked best as friends. He would also tell Heero on occasion how attractive he was. In the sort of casual way a friend would, of course. It's not like he would be cooing all over the man. No, he always said it tactfully, such as “That a new shirt, Heero? Damn, looks nice on you.” or “Shit, Heero, I'd be careful bending over in those pants if I were you. Never know who might consider it an offer!” or “I seriously wonder why you're still single. A man as good looking and intelligent as you could get anyone he wants.”

 

“I haven't been interested in any of the people who have asked me out.”

 

Duo looked up from doodling on a pad of sticky-notes in order to turn it into a flipbook of a stick figure doing the hula, and over at his partner sitting at the other desk in their little private office. Former war heroes that continue to fight hard for peace get their own offices, of course. Well, and it was one of several things Duo requested when Preventers asked him to join, expecting them to decline his requests so that he wouldn't feel bad declining their offer. Eventually he stopped regretting the fact that they were more than willing to meet every request.

 

“None of them? What about that cute girl from the bar the other night? You know, the one with the great tits and legs up to her neck.” He looked back down at the flipbook, deciding that the stick figure needed bubble boobs, and going back to add them on each page.

 

Across the room, Heero wrinkled his nose and shot Duo a strange look over the screen of his laptop. “Where do the breasts fit if her legs are to her neck?”

 

Only a few more pages of bubble boobies to go… “It's just an expression, Heero. But seriously, what was wrong with her?”

 

“Duo, she's not exactly my…type.” When he looked up again, Duo saw Heero staring intently at him, as if willing him to understand something that Duo had no clue about.

 

“Your type?” Setting the flipbook aside, Duo turned in his chair to fully face Heero, deciding that this might actually be a useful conversation, considering his own feelings. “And what exactly is your type?”

 

“Exactly?” The intent stare lost its…intensity. Heero's eyes suddenly seemed to find the laptop screen interesting again.

 

“Exactly.” Duo's interest was piqued even more by the rare display of timidity from his friend. After a few moments in silence with the dark blue eyes not moving from the laptop screen, Duo sighed and relented. “Ok, how about generally? What's generally your type?”

 

“Well, for one thing, my type doesn't usually have `great tits'… Long legs wouldn't be bad, just as long as they didn't literally go all the way to the neck.” Duo could tell his friend was trying to lighten the situation with a joke, something Heero had picked up from Duo himself. If he wasn't so preoccupied by the first statement, he probably would have better appreciated Heero's attempt.

 

“So you're not a tits man, that's fine. Not every guy is.” He refused to let his hopes up enough to believe that Heero was implying something more.

 

“It's true, not every guy is. Like Trowa and Quatre, for example. They certainly aren't um `tits men'.” There was just a half second glance from Heero before he continued to stare at the screen with false interest.

 

Trowa and Quatre had been in a relationship since the end of the Eve Wars, and the significance of bringing their names up in the current topic was not lost on Duo. “Ah, I see. Well then, what's your type of guy? C'mon, maybe I can help ya out.”

 

“I'd rather you not play matchmaker for me, thanks. I won't like any of the men you introduce to me, anyway.” Duo was certain that Heero was getting even more nervous, though he didn't understand why. It wasn't like Duo, with his aforementioned male dates, was going to look down on Heero's sexual preferences. Hell, he was damn near cheering inside his head.

 

“So you're picky.” Which was the only thing keeping his mental celebration subdued. Of course Heero would be picky. He was a perfectionist, after all. No one but the best for him. But at the very least, Duo could be certain that Relena wasn't an obstacle, which was a load off his mind. He had nothing against her, really. She seemed very nice, and he'd probably get along with her very well if they ever had the time to just sit and chat. Unfortunately, he'd never really allowed himself in the past, even when they did have the time, because of petty jealousy.

 

“I'm not picky,” Heero corrected as he started clacking something on his keyboard. Duo suspected that he wasn't really typing anything, and was just doing that to pretend like he wasn't as uncomfortable talking about these things as he was. “I just already have someone I have feelings for.”

 

And just like that Duo felt his world sink. Or break. Or both. It was a strange feeling, really. He'd been through a lot in his life. He'd killed a great many people, seen so many people that he cared for die, and even witnessed the man across the room blow himself up. The feeling now was…different. It wasn't worse than anything he'd ever felt, but it wasn't necessarily less. It was just…different. And he hated it.

 

“Oh.” And that's all he could say for a few minutes, as he turned back to his desk and stared blankly at the wood grain on the top of it. Eventually he picked up his little flipbook and flipped the pages with his thumb, the well-endowed stick figure dancing away on the yellow paper. He didn't really see her, though. His hands were just working on autopilot in an effort to hide how he was truly feeling. When the last page fell, he dropped the pad to his desk and lifted his head to stare off towards the wall. “Well then, why haven't you asked him out yet? Like I said, a man like you could get whoever he wanted. I don't see what's stopping you. Unless he's married or something. I mean, I can see why that would make you hesitate. But even then, you could probably steal him away pretty easily. Hell, even if he claimed to be straight or something! I mean, seriously, have you seen yourself? I swear there are some agents here that have said they were straight, but I've totally caught them checking you out when you walk by or bend over to get something. Like that one guy down on the seventh floor—tall guy with sandy hair, remember—I don't think he knocked that folder off his desk on accident. He saw you comin' and knew you'd bend over to pick it up.”

 

“You do that, too.”

 

Duo instantly shut up. He knew he had been rambling, and it was actually rather startling since he hadn't done that in years. It used to be a way for him to hide, all part of a mask he painstakingly kept in place. But those four words from Heero shut him up like a slap to the face. Not because they had been said in anger or with any sort of harsh tone at all. In fact, they had been rather quiet. Heero might not have expected, or even wanted, Duo to hear them at all. The slap in the face came from finding out that Heero knew. He knew that Duo wanted him. He knew how Duo looked at him. He knew that Duo would fake his clumsiness the majority of the time just so that he could brush up against Heero or have Heero bend down to pick something up for him. He knew.

 

How long had he known? Why hadn't he said anything? Was he angry? Disgusted? After all, he already had someone he cared about, so why would he want Duo drooling all over him? Hell, maybe he even felt a bit hurt that Duo was doing that to him, since he was supposed to be his best friend.

 

An awkward silence had fallen over the office, and Duo wasn't sure how to break it. He couldn't deny the accusation, since it was true and he never lied. Maybe he could just pretend like he hadn't heard. But it was obvious that he'd heard, since he'd stopped talking the instant those words were said! While he was still trying to figure out what to say, the vid-phone on his desk started to ring. Saved by the bell, he thought, as he flipped up the screen to answer it.

 

Quatre's face appeared, and the young man seemed down. It was rare to see his friend not smiling, and a dread instantly formed deep in the pit of his stomach. “What's wrong, Quatre?” Behind him he could hear Heero standing up from his desk and walking over to look over Duo's shoulder at the screen.

 

“It's Noin…” Quatre looked from Duo to Heero, then sighed sadly and looked down at his hands. “They just found out that she's very ill. Some new type of virus that's only been seen amongst those on the Mars project. So far no one's been able to find a cure for it, but there are extensive studies taking place. I've been doing what I can to aid in them, actually…”

 

At first, Duo felt numb. It wasn't because he didn't care about Noin or her condition. She was a very nice woman, and a good friend. While it was Quatre that she had been closer to during the Eve Wars, eventually all the other pilots had gotten to know her better and warmed to her. She had been the one who helped most in smoothing over things between the pilots and Zechs. Everyone had even attended their wedding a couple of years back. No, the numbness Duo felt was from his mind being unable to accept the fact that a warrior as strong as she could be potentially defeated by some alien disease.

 

“How is she now?” Heero asked over Duo's shoulder, leaning in to get a better look at the screen and to hopefully make it easier for Quatre to hear him.

 

“She's a little weak, but she can still walk around and take care of herself. The virus will slowly eat away at her from the inside, however…” Swallowing hard, Quatre squeezed his eyes shut and lowered his head for a moment. Ever so slowly, the numbness in Duo started to melt away and a strange mix of pain, helplessness, and sadness started to creep in.

 

Memories of his childhood and of the plague started to replay themselves, and Duo felt dizzy and bit nauseous. “How is Zechs holding up?” he heard Heero say, leaning in even closer. Duo shifted his chair to the side a little, giving Heero more room to move in.

 

“He's doing his best to stay strong and optimistic for her, but…”

 

“I understand. I don't know what I'd do if the person I love was ever in the same situation…”

 

Duo wanted to cry, and he hated himself for it. He was far too old to cry, and he'd been through far too much. But all those old memories were overwhelming him as he was also being assaulted by the present. A friend was dying, and in a slow and agonizing way. There was nothing he could do to help her. Nothing anyone could do, most likely. And the one person he ever really wanted to have as his own was in love with someone else. He hated himself even more for even letting himself get upset about Heero at a time like this. Noin's life was far more important than his love life!

 

“I… `Scuse me… I need to go to the bathroom…” They were the first words he'd said since Quatre had dropped the news, and they fell awkwardly from his lips as he pushed out of the chair and ran for the door. As soon as he made it to the men's room, he went into a stall, fell on his knees and threw up. He didn't know how long he was in there hugging the toilet before he felt a warm hand rubbing at his back. Heero was kneeling beside him, concern clear on his face as he ran hands along his back, shoulders, face, and braid in a soothing manner.

 

“You alright?” he asked as his rough fingertips did their best to gently brush aside Duo's sweaty bangs.

 

Nodding weakly, Duo managed a slight smile. “Yeah. I need to go rinse my mouth out, though… God, I hate throwing up.” He attempted a small laugh, but it fell flat and his smile faltered.

 

Sometimes things change while not really changing at all. Sometimes, though, something happens to change things completely, and nothing is ever the same again. Duo had a sinking feeling that they were all standing on the edge of such a change. He didn't know how or why, but everything that was happening now was going to set something into motion. Extreme changes often scare people. Duo was terrified.

 

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To be continued…