Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Remember when... ❯ Open Road part 2 ( Chapter 8 )

We do not own the rights to GW! Never have and never will!

Warnings: Angst, language, slight OOC

Archived at: AFF, MM, and www.templeofthegoddess.com

Open Road part 2

"Ow! Fuck!" Wufei yelped, grabbing for his left eye. A small laugh, and then a thump caught his still sleep-laden mind before he could curse again.  On the floor staring back up at him sat Aleana, toothy smile and all.

"If you wanted my attention, you have it now." The Chinese teen rubbed at his sore eye, wiping away the water quickly. "Where's your Daddy? Does he know you're in here torturing me?"

"Wu!" She squealed loudly, climbing back on her tiny feet, fisting her hands in the soft blankets of the bed. Wufei arched an eyebrow at the small tot, surprised at her butchered use of his name.

"Yup, definitely a Maxwell." He mumbled, pulling back the blankets to get out of bed. "You're lucky that I didn't sleep in the nude today." He said, grabbing his black dragon embroidered robe from the end of the bed.

Aleana clapped her hands, happy that someone was finally up to pay attention to her. The dark haired teen scooped her up, smiling when the toddler smacked a wet kiss on his cheek before he left the bedroom. Stopping briefly at the doorway of the spare bedroom, he confirmed that Duo was still sprawled out on the futon, snoring lightly.

"How about breakfast?"  Wufei whispered, closing the door silently. "We'll let your Daddy sleep for a little while longer."

Without her crib, Aleana found out quickly that she could escape to explore her new surroundings. Wufei also found this out when his bare feet came into contact with the dirt that belonged to a potted plant near the hallway entrance.

"Did you do this?" He asked in mock anger, giving her tummy a tickle.

"Wu!" She wiggled in vain to get away from those fingers.

"I'll take that as a yes. What else did you get into while everyone else was asleep, hmm?" Wufei stepped around the black dirt, entering the living room area to see that the diaper bag was tipped over. Toys and 'cheese doodles' were strewn in the corner where Duo had placed the bag the night before.

"So, I'm guessing you helped yourself to breakfast? Those things are not very nutritious at all."  Wufei sighed, placing the toddler down so that he could fetch a broom and dustpan from the utility closet just off of the kitchen.   "I'm afraid I don't have much in the way of food at the moment, either."

"I'm going to have to Aleana-proof this apartment. There are way too many bad things that she could get into to cause a great amount of mischief with." Wufei spoke out loud to himself, watching Aleana out of the corner of his eye as he cleaned up the dirt before it spread.

Toys clanked together as Wufei entered the kitchen, dumping the dirt into the trashcan. He swept through the cabinets, remembering his own search for edibles the night before, now finding nothing more than canned vegetables.

"I see the grocery fairy didn't visit overnight." He grumbled.  "If I'd known she'd be here today, I wouldn't have eaten those noodles."

He settled on a can of peas and carrots, warming them in a saucepan, while in the meantime making a pot of much needed morning coffee.   He had just fixed his coffee to his liking with a packet of granulated brown sugar, and was savoring the sweet, rich caramel flavor, when he heard a faint cry.

"Shit." He put his coffee cup down a little too hard, leaving the kitchen in a hurry. It had slipped his mind that Aleana was playing in his living room. Finding the corner where she was playing empty, Wufei headed for the hallway, almost running into Duo with an armful of toddler.

Duo looked totally disheveled, yawning and rubbing at his eye with the palm of his unoccupied hand.  He wore brand new red and navy plaid flannel pajamas that he had bought somewhere in the Midwest, knowing it would be cold on the East Coast.  His normally tidy braid was a mess of fly-away strands of hair, and his bangs had all shifted to the right of his forehead in his sleep.  White socks on his feet, a squirming redhead in his arms, and a sleepy smile on his face completed the picture.

Wufei stopped short, smiling back at the sight that could only be described as 'adorable'.  "I'm sorry."  He chuckled.  "She came and woke me up this morning, and I thought we'd leave you to rest a little longer…"

"Nah, don't worry about it."  Duo said, shifting Aleana from one hip to the other.  "She was just upset that she couldn't get into the bedroom."

He patted the fuzzy sleeper clad bottom of the girl in his arms, made a face that sent her into giggles, and turned around to head back into the spare bedroom.  "Someone needs a dry diaper!"

Wufei followed the pair down the hall, pausing in the doorway to watch as Duo laid Aleana on the futon, and began unzipping her sleeper. "She was playing quietly in the living room, and I thought she was fine. I didn't realize that she would go in search of you."

"It's when she's quiet that you have to worry.  Isn't that right Miss Mischief?"  Duo leaned over and nuzzled Aleana, getting his cheeks slapped with chubby hands.   "Hey, Wu, could you grab the diaper bag for me?  I left it out in the living room last night, and she's soaked!"

Wufei nodded, quickly fetching the bag, and returning with it.   He sat quietly on the edge of the futon, watching as the braided boy struggled to get the diaper on, and then fresh clothes while Aleana did her best to thwart him.

"I have coffee ready if you would like some. I'm afraid I don't have much to eat here. I need to run errands today, and groceries are a top priority." Wufei stood and turned on his heel, leading the way back to the kitchen. Duo followed, frowning slightly before he spoke up.

"It's okay, 'Fei. I mean, hell we just show up on your doorstep in the middle of the night, with no warning. I kinda figured that you'd just turn us around and send us on our way."

The dark haired teen turned quickly, facing his guests. "Never."  He said, vehemently.   "I would never turn my friends away."

The braided teen nodded, bowing his head.  "Sorry.  I know you aren't like that.  It's just that it was wrong of me to just start out driving all the way out here without asking you if it was okay, first.  Kinda arrogant of me to just assume you'd take us in.  Guess I'm lucky we didn't get here the night before, huh?"  He grinned sheepishly as he walked past Wufei into the kitchen.

"Peas and carrots for breakfast?  Guess you really do need to go shopping."  Duo sat the toddler on the floor, and began opening cabinet doors in search of a bowl for Aleana.

"Why did you drive all the way here?"  Wufei asked, crossing the floor to the counter to clean up his spilled coffee.   "You do realize that you've had a lot of people worried about you and Aleana?" 

"Yeah, I'm sure Quatre is going out of his mind." Duo bit his lip briefly, pausing the opening and closing of drawers in his hunt for silverware, before continuing. "It was time for different scenery, ya know? Just a lot of bad memories in one place."

"You left without saying a word to your employer. Heero has been…"

"God damn it!  I had to leave!"  Duo slapped his open palm on the counter, then spun around, shouting.  "I got tired of being alone since Mrs. Gregory left!  Everyone I know either lives up in space, or clear across the world…" Duo's anger deflated quickly, and he picked up Aleana and sank down onto a kitchen chair.

"I'm a phone call away, Duo."  Wufei said, dishing the vegetables into the bowl.  He sat the food down quietly on the table in front of his friend, and handed him a spoon.

Realizing that it would be awkward to feed Aleana with a spoon while holding her on his lap, Duo dished out some of the cooled peas and carrots onto the table top for her to eat with her fingers.  She cooed and giggled as pea after pea was squashed under her chubby thumb.

"Yeah, I know, but you have a life; a job that keeps you busy. Same with everyone else.  I didn't want to bother you with my petty problems."  He sighed, then snorted at himself.  "I didn't want to burden you with a phone call, but have no problem dropping in unannounced, expecting you to take care of us, apparently."

"You are not a burden, Duo.  Have you forgotten that I dropped everything to come to you on a moment's notice, not so long ago?" Wufei asked, sliding a cup of black coffee in front of the other teen.

Duo looked up at him with wide eyes.  "I will never forget that as long as I live, 'Fei. I'm still in your debt for…"

"No debts, Duo. You owe me nothing. Friends help friends. If things were reversed, I'm sure you'd say the same thing." Wufei cut in, trying not to remind his friend of the heartbreak that happened half a year ago.   He looked down at the toddler still giddily squashing peas, and smiled.  "Now would you try to get some of those into her stomach, rather than just smeared all over my table?"

*~*

Wufei stood near the front door of the apartment, slipping the shopping list into the pocket of his heavy leather coat. He double-checked to make sure he had his wallet before he headed out the door.

"Are you sure you don't need anything else?" Wufei called out, zipping up his coat and flipping a scarf around his neck.

"I'm sure." Duo answered back before coming around the corner to eye the Chinese man.

"I have my cell on me in case…"

"I know! In case I can think of anything else that Aleana or I should need. You've told me that several times already." Duo gave him a lopsided grin, crossing his arms against his chest.

"I'm just being thorough, and you know it." The dark haired teen groused, picking up his bag of uniforms that needed to be dry-cleaned.

"Sure I do. You wouldn't be Wufei otherwise." Dark eyes rolled, a huff of annoyance was heard.

"So you say." Wufei opened the door, stepping out into the cold and windy weather.

Duo shook his head, turning away from the door. He finally had the chance to get a good look at his friend's apartment.  He was honestly surprised at the homey feel the space had.  He had expected Wufei to live in austere surroundings, but his living room was furnished with a plush sofa and chairs, upholstered in deep chocolate and wine fabrics. 

Built-in bookcases lined one wall, filled with not only books written in both English and Chinese, but many knickknacks and personal items that made the space uniquely Wufei's.  Duo was fascinated with the collection of miniature Chinese dragons made of jade, pewter, ceramic and other materials, and gently touched each one as he examined them.

A small office area was situated through an archway just off the living room, and the Chinese teen's sense of style flowed into that room, as well.  It was evidenced by the warm, rich woods of his desk, with even more of the small dragons scattered decoratively on the hutch top, and the glass shelves located on the walls.

What caught his eye was the sole photograph in a frame leaning on his desk, next to his laptop.  It was the exact same picture he'd had hanging up in his own apartment of both he and Wufei just after the war.  His copy was now in a box in the back of the station wagon, as he couldn't part with any of his photos when he sorted his possessions before leaving California.  He ran his finger over the top of the mahogany frame, and closed his eyes, feeling his heart warm.

Opening his eyes, and turning away from the picture, his gaze roamed once again over the living room, finding Aleana, her cheek pressed to the cozy Oriental rug, snoozing.

"She has the right idea."  He murmured, yawning and stretching before sinking down into the welcoming cushions of the couch.

"A little shut eye sounds good."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A short time later, Duo was awakened by the ringing of the vid-phone in the office area.  He jumped up from the couch, making certain that Aleana was still asleep, and quickly made his way to the phone to answer it before it woke the sleeping girl.

Slapping the talk button without looking at the caller's identity on Wufei's private line extension, he gasped when the screen lit up with Heero's image.  He wished that he would have just ignored the call, because he had been dreading facing his ex-lover from the moment he woke up on the kitchen floor after his drunken binge.

"Duo."  Heero sighed, his shoulders visibly relaxing, and a relieved smile crossing his features.  "You're okay."

"Yeah," the braided teen replied quietly, looking at anything but the vid screen.  "I'm okay, Heero.  Sorry if I worried you."

The expression on Heero's face changed abruptly from relief to concern when he saw the way Duo was avoiding looking at him.  "What's wrong, Duo?  Why did you leave without a word to anyone?  Did someone threaten you?  Are you sick?  Do you need money, because…"

"No, no, no!"  He interrupted in exasperation.  "Nothing like that, everything's fine!  Peachy keen, even!"  He scrubbed his hands over his face wearily, and ran his fingers through his messy bangs, trying to rearrange them into some semblance of order.

"Look at me." 

Duo glanced briefly at the screen, before looking away at the photograph on Wufei's desk.  It was just long enough for Heero to recognize the despondency in his indigo eyes.   It was a look that scared the so-called "perfect soldier."  He'd seen it before, and felt just as helpless now in the face of that pain as he did when they still lived together.

"Everything isn't fine.  What's wrong, Duo?  What happened to make you run this time?"  His words were harsh, but the tone of voice he used made Duo feel like a child being chastised.

He sat heavily in the large desk chair, rolling slowly back and forth on the plastic mat that protected the carpet from the wheels.  He stroked the tip of his braid over the back of his left hand as he rolled, keeping his eyes averted.

"Duo, don't shut me out.  Talk to me.  Tell me what's wrong!"  Heero was feeling as frustrated now as he had been the entire time Duo was missing.  It seemed that just knowing he was alive and well wasn't enough; he needed to know what was going on in Duo's head. 

"I can't, Heero.  I just don't want to talk about it, can't you accept that, and just let it be?"  He finally raised his eyes to meet the deep blue on the vid screen, and was surprised to see the hurt on Heero's face.  "Heero…"

Heero sat back in his chair, and just stared at his first love.  "Why didn't you call me?  If something is wrong, I want to help you."  His voice wavered a bit, and his eyes shone with emotion as he struggled to convey his feelings across the very long-distance connection.  "Why did you go to Wufei?"

That did it.  Any remorse that he felt about making Heero worry, about making him look like that, with his eyes full of a bastard mixture of hurt and reproach was gone in the strike of a match of fury. 

"Listen, Yuy!"  He hissed, mindful to not wake the baby sleeping in the next room.  "You think I could just call you at the drop of a hat, and interrupt your little three-way love fest you've got going up there?  I don't think so!"

Heero just watched, flabbergasted, as the furious teen stood up from the chair and leaned forward, jabbing his finger angrily at the vid screen.  "You just sit up there in your nice big mansion, with all your servants and chefs, and swimming pools and limousines, and have orgies every night for all I care!  You don't know anything about my life, you wouldn't understand, so just stay the fuck out of it!"

He slammed his hand down on the vid-phone's button, disconnecting the call before Heero could respond.  Why all that anger toward his ex-lover surfaced so suddenly, and why it was enveloped in so much resentment toward his other two friends dumbfounded the emotionally exhausted teen.  He fell into the leather chair once more, and buried his face in his hands.

How could he expect Heero, or even Wufei, to understand what he was going through, when he couldn't understand it himself?  All he knew was that everywhere he looked before he left home, all he could see was his own failure. 

His life had fallen apart in the six months since the death of Miranda.  It seemed that just when he felt that his life was going somewhere, even without money he had felt like he was accomplishing something, one thread would come loose in the tapestry of his world, and all the rest would come unraveled.

His little girl's sudden illness and death had been that fateful thread.  Until then, he hadn't had to face the fact that Heero had moved on with his life, choosing to be with Quatre and Trowa.  He could just wrap himself up in his schoolwork, his jobs, and his two precious girls, and not allow himself to think of the past.

When Heero showed up with the other two, however, it all came crashing down on him.  Seeing him again, touching him, kissing him again made his pain rush back to the forefront of his mind.  When Heero turned around and left him in that cemetery, after making his hope and spirit soar with that mind-blowing kiss, he thought he'd die.  Even as they discussed their parting, alone in his bedroom, and seemed to settle things between them, his heart was breaking.  He knew that it was the final break; there was no going back.

He was able to tread water with school, and his jobs at the coffee house and security company for a few weeks, but even after having received the sizeable settlement that Quatre had fought for from the hospital, he couldn't keep up his false façade of strength.  His concentration would wander while he was sitting in class, and he was constantly being reprimanded for not following through on his assignments.  It wasn't long before his formerly impressive grades began to slip, and he found that he had failed his English course.

His interest in work was slacking as well, and it was apparent when he was fired from the security company that he was falling even deeper into his misery.  His only bright spot was Aleana, and the time that he spent at Mrs. Gregory's welcoming home.  When she left, it was the straw that broke the camel's back.  He had never felt so alone.

Duo shook himself out of his reverie, and stood slowly from the chair.  He walked softly to stand and look down at his sleeping cherub, and he knew that he needed to make a drastic change in his life if he were to be the person that he wanted to be, for her.

Walking quietly down the hallway into the bathroom, he shut the door behind himself, leaving it slightly ajar so that he could hear her if she woke.  He turned and looked at his reflection in the mirror, and was appalled at what he saw.  He didn't even recognize himself anymore.  His once vibrant eyes were flat, and emotionless.  His skin was dull, his shoulders slumped.

He pulled the braid that he'd worn since he was a small boy forward over his shoulder.  It had grown to reach his knees; unbound, his hair fell a few inches above his ankles. 

Stroking both hands down its length almost reverently, his mind drifted far away to the memories he'd woven through the heavy strands to carry with him.  Faces once loved swam in his mind's eye, of those he'd sworn to seek revenge for.  Every one of them smiled. 

He felt sure that their souls were at peace, and he'd done everything in his power to be sure that their lives had not been lost in vain.  He had always felt responsible for their deaths, but he could now recognize that through the losses of his friends and guardians at Maxwell Church, his alter-ego, Shinigami, had been born.  Had the tragedy not fallen on his shoulders, had he died along with them, the war could have had an entirely different outcome.

With those warm memories, mingled all the brutal visions of war he'd experienced.  The blood he'd spilled, the lives he'd taken, the beatings he'd been inflicted with, all were presented in his mind through a filter of red. 

When those visions faded, they were replaced by the brief instant of happiness that he'd shared with Heero between the Eve war and the hostilities with the return of the Barton Foundation and its young figurehead.  

He'd been blissfully happy when Heero agreed to live with him…when they'd shared their feelings for one another after the first war.  The first few months were a blur of sex and open-hearted discussions.  They'd both unburdened themselves slowly, sharing their past with the other over time.  Duo couldn't remember a time when he'd ever felt so happy, or so loved as he did with Heero.

He began drinking for joy; for the euphoria that he felt about life and peace that the alcohol seemed to intensify.  He drank more and more as his body quickly built up a tolerance to the drink, and swiftly the liquor began to twist those positive emotions into negative ones, causing him to drink even more.  It was a vicious cycle, and he felt that he had to step away from his new life, to clean himself up, if he wanted to truly enjoy it again.

There was no doubt in his mind, now, that everything that had happened after he left was no one's fault but his own.  He drove Heero away with his silence, with his abandonment of him.  He didn't blame the man for moving on with his life.  After all, how could he, a penniless drunk, compare to the likes of Quatre and Trowa?  Just because he understood why Heero had given up on him, though, didn't make it any easier to accept. 

The bitterness that had swallowed his soul in the last six months needed to be released.  The only way that he could be a good father to Aleana, and allow himself to strive to live up to his own goals was to put his past behind him, and start out fresh with a clean canvas.

With a determined nod he gripped the symbol of his past in his hand, and searched the

medicine cabinet, and then the drawers before finding what he was looking for laying next to Wufei's personal shaving essentials. The scissors were meant for trimming, but they would do for what Duo had in mind.

Pulling his braid back with his left hand, his right hand stopped short, blades opened wide.  Indigo eyes flashed to the mirror, noticing the tremble that shook his arms.  His mind was made up, he couldn't turn back now.

With a single deep breath, the blades closed down on the mass of chestnut hair.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Wufei closed the door quickly behind himself; the bitter cold fighting its way into the apartment.  His arms were loaded down with heavy grocery bags, but he managed to toss his set of keys onto the entryway table as he stamped his feet to get rid of the clingy snow. He cringed slightly as he noticed Aleana sound asleep on the floor, one of her thumbs stuck in her mouth.  He glanced around for Duo, not finding him before he proceeded into the kitchen to put away his purchases.

Wufei was almost finished loading the canned goods into a cabinet when he heard a clatter from somewhere in the apartment. He was sure he didn't hear Aleana stir, but he remembered what Duo had mentioned earlier about quiet children. With a sigh, he placed the last few cans of vegetables on the counter before investigating the noise.

Aleana still slept peacefully, a fist clutched at the soft yellow blanket that was half covering her. The dark-haired teen frowned, noting that he had not seen his friend since his arrival back home. He figured that Duo would have heard him enter, and volunteered to help put away the groceries.

"Duo?" He called softly, walking down the hallway when he noticed the bathroom door standing slightly ajar. 

"Duo?" Wufei tapped lightly on the door. He could hear movement from the bathroom, the sound of heavy breathing setting off alarms in his head. "Is everything alright?"

A retching noise followed, and Wufei didn't wait for an answer. He pushed at the door, noticing that it was caught on something that made it hard to swing open. Looking down, he found the severed chestnut plait jamming the door, and a pair of scissors not a foot away.

"Oh shit…" His dark eyes flew upwards, finding his friend hunched over the toilet bowl, arms wrapped tightly around his stomach…the braid…oh, Nataku…  Wufei took the few short steps in a hurry, kneeling down beside Duo, his own stomach pitching with the sight he was witnessing.

"Why? Oh, Duo…why?" Wufei's fingers ran along the butchered fringe of hair that was cropped close to Duo's neck.  There was no immediate answer, but he circled his arms around the trembling teen, noting that he was beginning to shake as well.

"It hurts…oh, god….hurts…"

"Breathe, Duo. That's it just breathe. Don't need you to hyperventilate. Breathe." Wufei cooed, running his hands over Duo's bare arms, and pulling him away from the toilet to press the boy's back against his chest, trying to calm him.

"I…I…did it…" Duo whispered, turning himself in Wufei's embrace to face him.

"Shhhh, calm down." The Chinese teen said, kissing the top of Duo's head as he began to stroke his back. It wasn't easy to tell his friend to calm himself while he was silently panicking inside, himself. His eyes watered, a single tear slipping from behind dark lashes.

"Had to get rid of the memories, 'Fei…" Duo gasped for breath, his stomach still rolling with emotion. "I had to…"

"Shhhh, it's ok." Wufei gave his friend a squeeze, pressing a kiss to his temple, noting how cool and sweaty Duo was becoming.  Shock, the dark haired teen noted quickly before finding himself tumbling backwards with an armful of Duo. He grunted as his back connected with the linoleum floor, the severed braid trapped under his shoulders.

"I won't pretend to understand why you did it, Duo, but everything will be all right. I promise."  Wufei soothed, still running his hands up and down the thin back, noticing how pronounced each vertebra and rib felt through the soft flannel.  He let one hand drift up into Duo's hair, his fingers combing through the coarse strands that were so much shorter than they had been.

After what seemed like hours that only equaled a matter of a few moments, Duo finally regained his center of calm. He lifted his head, taking in the teen he was pinning to the floor with his weight. Dark eyes with a touch of wetness in the lashes blinked up at him, sad and concern etched within them.

"I made you sad…" Duo brought his hand to Wufei's face, caressing his cheek gently. "I didn't mean to, 'Fei." His lips closed the short distance, ghosting several times before pressing more firmly. Mouths melded together for a quick moment before the Chinese teen stopped responding. 'I want his kisses, but not like this…never like this…'

"Duo, no." Wufei pressed his hands against Duo's shoulders, lifting him away slightly.

The distraught teen shrank back in shame, sitting up on his heels.  "I'm sorry, Wufei.  I shouldn't have done that."

"Don't apologize…"

"No, 'Fei, I know you don't want me like that, I don't know what I was thinking.  I'll get our stuff together and get out of your way…"

Wufei sat up abruptly, grabbing Duo by the shoulders and shaking him firmly.  "Don't you even think about leaving!  That couldn't be farther from the truth!  I do want you like that, I do want you to kiss me!  Just not like this. I don't think this is the comfort you need to be seeking from me at the moment." 

He drew Duo into his arms once again, holding him tightly.  "I want to kiss you so badly it hurts, Duo, and I can't begin to tell you how much I hope that you want to, too, but not now.  Now we need to talk about this.  I'm concerned about what brought this on. Why, Duo?"

Duo inhaled shakily, and he pulled away from the other teen, his eyes seeking anything but Wufei's face. "I made a mistake…" He started, rocking back up on his knees, away from the comforting warmth of Wufei's body.

"I…I broke down and drank until I passed out. That was what made me run. I just couldn't take being alone anymore, 'Fei. I…I just don't know what is happening to me. I failed.  I've screwed up everything."

"Then we'll figure out what is happening with you. One step at a time."  He stood up, offering a hand down to help up his friend.  He then picked up the scissors from the floor, and placed them on the countertop.

Turning to the newly-shorn teenager, he asked, "Can I?" Wufei reached out, touching the long hair that hung at both sides of Duo's head. "Can I help you finish this?"

"Guess so."

"Good, because you don't make a very good barber."

"Asshole."  The other boy shot back, a little of the old Duo sparkling in his eyes.

Wufei turned to the linen closet, opened the door, and reached in to pick up a large bottle of blue mouthwash.  Silently pouring a small amount into a paper cup, he handed it to Duo, before taking a swig directly from the bottle himself.  He swished it around his mouth, then spit the liquid into the sink, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"In the future, please refrain from kissing me just after you've thrown up."  He smirked at his friend, and walked past him, running his hand over his waist as he went by.  "Meet me in the kitchen once you're minty fresh."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*