Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ RNDM True Stories ❯ Sleep. Eat. RNDM In That Order ( Chapter 34 )

Tori: Whoo! Fillin' out job applications! I need to get in the mood. *puts on Burger King crown, perches a chibi-Wing model near the top of the paper, lays out a pack of Starbursts and a strawberry-kiwi Propel, and turns on Quatre's Mindless Self-Indulgences cd*

Duet: …and that's the mood you get in to fill out job applications?

Tori: ^__^ *nod nod*

Duet: And you're applying for… *hand motions* …?

Tori: Incognito!!! ^______^

Duet: *deadpan* Of course… Now I see where everything fits.

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Duo: *walking into class*

Trowa: *out of nowhere, nails him in the crotch*

Duo: *falls down and pretty much dies*

Prof. L: *runs over* Are you alright!?

Duo: *rolls on his back and makes an 'X' with his arms* Extreme Art Class. >__<

~*~*~*~

Quatre: Alright, guys. I'll be back sometime Sunday night.

Kim: Where're you going anyway?

Quatre: To Virginia to spend the weekend with Evan. ^__^

Tori: ^__^ Cute, aren't they? Oh, I made him some of those mochi he likes. Don't forget to bring them, Q.

Quatre: o.o Those were for Evan? Trowa, Duo and I ate those last night.

Duet: *covers mouth with hand* You're coming between Evan and his rice balls!?

Quatre: Crap… He's so gonna break up with me.

Tori: *grabs Quatre by the shoulders* There's only one hope! You must offer him your balls instead!

~*~*~*~

Some Of Duet's Friends: *knock on the apartment door*

Duo: *rolls out of bed and answers it* Hello? *wearing boxers and his shirt that says 'I Heart Boys' on the front*

Mandy: Um, hi… Is Duet here?

Duo: …sure. I'll go get her. C'mon in. *turns around and walks off; on the back of his shirt it says 'Insert Here' with an arrow pointing to his butt*

Duet: *drags herself out of bed and walks into the living room* Hey, guys.

Lammy: *waits until Duo goes back to their room* Oh my gosh… Was that gay guy your brother or something?

Duet: That's my husband, dear.

~*~*~*~

Trowa: *reading Animercia (The Villains Issue)* Yo! Comiket pictures!

Duo: *jumps into Trowa's lap and looks* AH! IT'S QUATRE AND EVAN! *points*

Trowa: *holds the magazine closer* …Duo, they're Asian.

Duo: *squints* Fuck… Where are my glasses?

Trowa: *bursts out laughing* It's Duet's Johnny Depp cosplayer! DUET!!!

((A/N: Duet spent at least half a day trying to lure a perfect Captain Jack Sparrow cosplayer over to our table with canned coffee so she could have her evil, evil way with him))

~*~*~*~

Heero: *looks at watch* I gotta go. *walks to door*

Tori: Where're you going?

Heero: Um… *shifty eyes* I gotta go… buy butter.

All: *burst out laughing*

Duo: *nearly choking* Oh man… Best joke ever…

Wu Fei: It really is… Hehehehehehehe…

~*~*~*~

Duo & Duet: *walking around the mall after Duet's job interview*

Lady: Sir! Miss! Excuse me!

Both: *exchange looks, then look at the lady* Yes?

Lady: *hands then each a pamphlet* I work for The Gap modeling company. Would you be interested in dropping by for an interview and a practice screening? We're looking for new models to feature in our ads.

Duet: Anou… We can't accept these.

Lady: But wouldn't you love to see your face on television? In magazines? *shoots Duo a pleading look*

Both: *make faces, trying not to laugh*

Duo: I'm sorry, miss, but we're copyrighted.

Lady: O.o Eh?

Duet: Thank you though! ^__^

Both: *walk away laughing*

Duo: Would I like to be on TV… *shakes head*

~*~*~*~

Wu Fei: Heero, what happened to your arm?

Heero: *looks at his arm with writing all over it* I don't want to forget to pick up the notes I lent Freddie.

Wu Fei: …and your other arm?

Heero: Oh… That would be Tori's 1/1 scale drawing of my penis.

Wu Fei: You should really wash that off before you leave the apartment.

Heero: -___-* I tried. *long pause* Remember when I used to be stoic and fearsome?

Wu Fei: And now you're an erotic post-it note. *walks away*

~*~*~*~

Trowa: *brushes his bangs out of his face* Nnn… *the fall and he brushes them away again* Nnn… *they fall again and he brushes them away* GOD DAMNIT! WHY DO I HAVE THIS HAIR!?

Duet: *in the other room* o.o Uh oh… Trowa's having an angry hair day.

Duo: *walks up behind Trowa, grinning, hands in his pockets* Is this obnoxious? *pokes him in the back of the head* How 'bout this? *poke* Or this? *poke*

Trowa: *calmly wheels the computer chair back out over Duo's foot, elbows him in the stomach, and resettles himself at the desk*

Duo: *winded* x.x That was the solar plexus…

~*~*~*~

Trowa: Lesbian.

Duo: Jackass.

Trowa: Fag.

Duo: Jew.

Trowa: Child-molester.

Duo: Scrub.

Amy: *sitting next to Tori on the couch, watching the pair's friendship rituals with fascination* It's kind of like those two kids from South Park…

Tori: Kyle and Cartman?

Amy: Sure.

~*~*~*~

Quatre: Look what Evan gave me! Isn't it cute? *holds out a Build-A-Bear dressed in a flight suit*

Trowa: *in a bitter mood* You showed it to me five times already… It's not that great.

Quatre: *eyes widen, clutches bear to his chest* HOW DARE YOU!? *to the bear* He didn't mean it, Lumpy…

Trowa: *looks at bear* …yes, I did.

~*~*~*~

Duet: *straddles Heero's lap and peers inquisitively at his face* Hee-chan? Are you in there? *bats at his bangs*

Heero: Alright… Haircut time… I get it.

Duet: *starts and looks around* Heero!?

~*~*~*~

Wu Fei: *holding his camcorder, affects an Australian accent* Here we observe the rarely-seen grooming rituals of the Gundam Pilots. Watch closely as the female turns this necessary act into a show of affection and a time of important conversation. The male does not enjoy this grooming but the attentions of a female placate him enough to remain still and endure it.

Duet: *without turning around* Go wet your hair, Fei. You're next. You look like an eight-year-old girl from the back.

Wu Fei: Aw… *closes his camera and slinks off*

~*~*~*~

Duo: *sitting on a bench on Main Street, watching the high school kids that just got out of school, sighs* I like little boys.

Duet: *arches an eyebrow at him*

Duo: *shifts* I guess we're both giggly teenage girls at heart.

Duet: You would make so much more sense if you didn't have a penis.

~*~*~*~

Duo: *on the phone talking to a high school sophomore friend, holds up the phone* Wu Fei! Rachel needs history help!

Wu Fei: *takes the phone* Hey, Rach. What's up?

Rachel: Um, you know the French and Indian War?

Wu Fei: Yup.

Rachel: Okay, I just need to know the difference between the English and French colonization strategies.

Wu Fei: The English were permanent family establishments. The French were just a bunch of single guys who spent all their time running around the country killing beavers to make hats to sell. *inspecting nails*

Rachel: Beaver fur hats?

Wu Fei: Mmm hmmm… They brought in a lot of money 'cause they were fashionable and people in Canada need to keep warm.

Rachel: So… the entire New France economy was based on beaver-fur hats?

Wu Fei: Of course… They're French.

Rachel: Um, I already have that down as a reason they lost the war. I can't double up.

Wu Fei: *to Duo* I love this kid! I want one.

~*~*~*~

Tori: If you ever call my child a mistake, I'll claw your eyes out.

Duo: Tori… It's not a mistake… It's a creative opportunity!

~*~*~*~

Trowa: *steps out of the shower drying his hair, looks over at Wu Fei brushing his teeth* Hey… That's my toothbrush.

Both: *stop and exchange looks with each other in the mirror*

Wu Fei: o.O *tosses the toothbrush in the trash, spits out the toothpaste and starts rinsing his mouth out*

Trowa: The feeling is mutual.

~*~*~*~

Duet: *running around in her underwear, crazed, getting ready for a friend's formal party* Maxwell! Find my damn shoes!

Duo: They're on the bed, dear.

Duet: *runs back to the bathroom to fix her bangs* STUPID MOUSSE!

Duo: *sighs, rolls eyes, and leans back on bed*

Duet: ARGH! STUPID LEG! WHY WON'T YOU STOP BLEEDING, BITCH!? WHY!? *slaps her own bleeding ankle in frustration* FUCKIN' WHORE!

Duo: *muffled sobs* I married a crazy woman…

~*~*~*~

Duo: *describing the personality evolution of Duet for a Psychology assignment* She gets hurt, heals with time, hurt again, healed again, on and on… Somewhere along the line she just gave up and stuck a Blue Clues Band-Aid on the wound.

Prof. T: That's not too bad. What you're trying to say is she's been hurt so many times that she's chosen not to display it any longer but mask it with humor, correct?

Duet: Yeah, that and I own a lot of Blues Clues band-aids. *pokes at the line of band-aids going down her right arm, and then the one of the bridge of her nose*

Prof. T: O.o What happened?

Duet: *points to arm* Riding around on the roof of the minivan and... *points to nose* Fashion statement

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Tori: *opens the apartment door* Yoruyuki! What're you doing here!? *hugs him*

Yoruyuki: Just checking up on my little sister.

Tori: …wait a minute. Where's Heero?

Yoruyuki: Heero? Ah, that kid. I don't know. I haven't seen him. *shrugs and walks in*

Tori: *cell phone rings, answers it* Heero? Hey! Where are you? …You're locked in your car? o.O* Hold on a minute… *covers the phone and turns to Yoruyuki* He says you tried to cut his pinky off.

Yoruyuki: Oh… Maybe I did see him.