Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Road Trip ❯ Road Trip ( Prologue )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

((NOTE- Gundam Wing isn't mine, or never will be mine. Along with the movies that are
related to this story. (Which include, Road Trip, Children of the Corn, Silence of the
Lambs, Twister, and Wizard of Oz.) This is just a fanfic, merely made for humor. Besides
if I was the creator of any of those things, I would be rolling around in money. ))


The year is After Colony 195, and peace has fallen upon the Earth- Relena being the
known spoiled little snot she is, has resumed being Queen of the world, only because this
is a mere fan-fiction that really has nothing to do with the actual story line.
The Gundam formally known as Zero-One panned out its gargantuan iron 'wings' as the
scene is shown out over the Planet Earth. The Sun's bright rays reflected off of the
over-rated Zero-One, blinding it from the oncoming assault of the Gundam Deathscythe
Hell, which slapped it with its Beam Scythe, and immediately assumed that brave, noble
pose. Queing that Gundam Zero-One is notorious for it is the beginning of an episode.

Episode Watchama-callit.-
Road Trip

Yes, we all know. All is fair in love in war. Well, not in this case. The teenagers
formally known as Gundam pilots had grown up. A colony deep in space- At least there in
college, yeah-the perfect opportunity to screw up your life! Parties, sex, and people under
the influence. What a life eh? So here we lay our scene, a typical party at a college.
Heero sat there as the music blasted out to the crazy drunk people. Dancing and just
plainly having a good time. Quickly a man ran up to him, brunet hair and blue eyes, Heero
smirked slightly. It was Duo! He grinned wildly and pointed out to the crowd.

"Hey Heero, im going to be auctioned off in a bit. And Hildes here. I do not want her to
want me. So whatever it takes, make sure you get me!" With an odd expression Heero
nodded as Duo returned to the front of the line. Finally a man stood up revealing it as
Wufei.

"Hello!" He said loudly. The music stopped and the crowd turned to him as they
awaited him to speak. "I am Chang Wufei. Since im a sexist freak so it's only right to
auction off the women!" The crowd screamed, and all the women at the party gave Wufei
an evil glare. "First we have a man! Yes for those who are appealed to the opposing
sex...or the same.. This is Duo Maxwell. " He said with a wink. Duo stepped up onto the
stairs. Random girls-and guys whistled and wailed to him.

"The bid starts at 5$" Wufei said. Hilde rose her hand in a freakishly-frantic way.
"We have five, any takers?" Heero rose his hand and spoke in that infamous
monotone voice.
"500$."
"We have 500...dollars?" Wufei questioned. "Any takers?" Hilde shot an evil
glare across the room towards Heero. Knowingly she lost since she is a poor deprived person who
likes to literally live in a dump.

Duo hopped off the stairs and grabbed Heeros hand as he stood up. " C'mon
Heero, lets have hot passionate sex in my dorm. Im yours now!!" He said as he dragged
him out of the house to his dormroom. He began to kiss him endlessly, frantically stripping
him down. Duo opened his eyes and from the corner he saw a tape recorder. "Home movies!" He
squealed, as he grabbed it. Heero didn't object, he just stripped down as Duo began to
tape. "Who do you think of when your in the shower?" Duo asked.
"You." He said looking into the camera.
"Do you have any pets and what are there names?"
"I have a pet ferret. It's name is snowball." A ferret eh? Pret-ty unusual if you ask me,
but if this ferret named snowball makes him happy, then let him at it. Anyways, Duo
continued to ask him questions.
" Where would your sex fantasy take place."
"The kitchen."
"Whats your favorite food?"
"Whip-Cream."
"You got any?"
"Probably."
The two stood there for a moment staring at eachother. And they both bolted towards the
kitchen, camera and all...

*Meanwhile..on Earth.*

Relena, or Queen Relena of the earth I should say was standing there. Just looking
out of a window... Again. She sighed and spoke to herself. "Oh Hee-Chan, why oh why!
You haven't mailed me one of your many video tapes. I miss you! And since your in
college, I'll never be able to see you! Oh woe! Woe is mee.." He carried on. "Would
you like more cheese with that wine?" Said the not-so respective maid. Relena simply
glared at her and pulled out from 'hammer-space' (Note: Hammer-Space is a term when a
charri pulls out a rather large object from no-where. aka, hammer-space.) a long black
leather whip. "Can it you twit! You expect me to be all hunky-dory about all this?! Heero not being around, Well
im not!" Wha-pa! She wipped the maid out of the room. "And get me more sandwiches
woman. Wha-pa!" She looked out the window again gazing at the moon. Once again she
began to complain. "I wonder what he's doing right now..He so far away! But if he loves
me-he would be loyal to me! Wouldn't he?"

*The morning after*

"Leeesssbbbiiiaaann...Rainbow Trout, how you swim so proudly.." Quatre sung
while he played his Violin. "Lesssbian Seaggull...please commme to mee.." Trowa and
Wufei laid there in Heero's dorm listening to the music. "Oh Hilde, the retarded
monkey..are you a lesssbian? You cerrrtainly looook it." Heero rushed in quickly and
held up a tape.
"Damnit!! This isn't the tape!" The three stood up and looked at Heero. He stood there,
holding a video tape."
"What do you mean?" Quatre asked. "Oh, and you have whip cream in your..hair?"
Heero threw his tape down and fell to the ground!
"Damnit why?! Why did I accidentally take Duo and my sex tape and send it to
Relena! Whyyyeee.." He curled up into a little ball, as Wufei stood up. "So, your not
dating her, so whats the problem." "I don't give a damn about her, it just that if she see's
the tape, of me and Duo, she'll probably go insane and destroy the Earth!" The three
gasped. Quatre set down his violin and glared at Heero. "I resent that." The four just
stood there looking at eachother. Thinking of what Relena would do if she saw the tape.
"Oh the possibilities." Trowa said. They all quickly stood up as they began to walk out
the door. "Trowa, Wufei! Road trip." Quatre just stood there. "I'll stay..and keep watch
of...snowball." He said with an evil smirk.

*Later that Day.*

"Space" Heero said, dramatically. "A great big place with unknown stuff." And
there they were flying across space in an old junky- sad excuse for a space ship. Duo was
locked in the cargo section because he didn't want to go retrieve the tape. "It's for Relena's
best interest!" He yelled behind a door. "Once she see's the tape she'll realize that the
world doesn't revolve around her!!" He laughed to himself. "She'll realize she's been
living a lie all her life! ..Oh wait, she already knows. She's adopted." He said slumping
down against the door.
"Were did you get this ship?" Trowa asked. They all knew that none of them
owned a ship like this but they couldn't of summed up enough money to just buy one.
"Wufei and I jumped Hilde. And stole one of her junkie-ships." Heero explained. "Yeah,
we didn't know if it was her or not, her barrette hid her face. But that god-awful sweater
gave it away. And the banana's she was eating was a dead-ringer." Trowa laughed and
replied. "Yeah, she does have an uncanny resemblance to a monkey with banana's. A
retarded one at that fact!"

"We should check on Quatre." Heero said, piloting the ship. He pressed a button
that awaited Quatre's answer. "I forget to tell him what and where snowballs food was."
Finally Quatre answered. His mouth full. "Hey Heero!" He laughed maniacally, the food
spitting out of his mouth here and there. "I didn't know you had chex-mix. It's different
but wow! It's good." He held up the bag of food to reveal a small animal on it.
"Quatre." Heero said. "Can you read the bag?" "Sure!" He said grabbing another
handful and stuffing it into his mouth. "It says..Faar.... Fear Fu..F-f..foo..d. Fear Food!
Oh yeah, Heero you rock. I love Halloween food." "NO!" Wufei yelled. "It says farret
food! Your eating the stupid damn animals food!" Quatre just stopped chewing that once
known yummy 'chex-mix' And ran out of the cameras view screaming. Heero shot a
death glare at Wufei. "Did you just call Snowball stupid?!" He said, letting go of the
steering wheel and standing up in front of Wufei. Suddenly Heero jumped on Wufei and
began punching the living daylights out of the poor soul. He knocked him around left and
right running into Trowa. Knocking him out in the process.
The ship began to tilt sideways dramatically as Duo tried to keep his balance left
and right. "Hey!" Duo yelled hearing both Heero and Wufei yell at eachother. "I don't
appreciate you two doing those kind of things with out me! If you two are doing what im
thinking your doing! I wanna join too!!" Tears in his eyes, he complained for the door to
be opened. The two, who were still fighting rammed into the door causing it to fly open.
Duo flew out the door, and into the window seeing the rather close Earth ahead. "You
guys!" He said pointing to the Earth it closer than before. "Were on a crash collision to
Earth!" The two stopped and got up running to the window. Now seeing a vast
landscape of corn fields. They all screamed as they held onto eachother for dear life..
'Cept for Trowa who was still being tossed about inside the ship.

*Kaboom*

*In the depth of the burning corn feild.*

The three crawled out of the burning ship, one dragging Trowa along. Heero
looked around, along with the rest. "Where are we?" He asked. "Appears to be
Nebraska." Wufei said, propping Trowa up. Duo walked ahead looking about the
cornfield. "This place seems different." He said. Suddenly an old man jumped in front of
Duo, licking his lips.. "Hello Clairise.." Duo simply quirked a brow, looking at the man.
"For one thing my name isn't 'Clairise', it's Duo. And another thing. Why are you in a
cornfield with a phone book in your hand?" The man looked down to his hand, he plainly
enough holding a phone book. "It's the official cannibals menu." He sneered, spitting at
Duo. Duo blinked at the spit from his eyes and took a step back. "Whoah, watch out
there big shooter." The old guy jumped at Duo, as he ran back to the burning ship where
the rest were standing.

"Whats wrong with you?" Heero asked as he ran screaming in fear. "Were all
going to diee!! Run!" And so they all ran. Trowa as well, who was now awake.. And
soon enough it got dangerously windy. "What in the hell is happening?!" Trowa yelled.
Like he knew what was going on-he was out for long enough. "Twister!!" Wufei
yelled pointing to there left. It was a big one too. Suddenly they saw a rather large red
truck drive through the corn field. And what appeared to be in the back was a machine.
When it passed by they all jumped into the truck. Pushing that loud, blinking machine
from it, all the little balls spilling out.

From afar there was a man who was Bill Packsten and a woman who was Helen
Hunt. They finally realizing that there Twister Doppler doo-dad thingie was pushed out of
the truck. "NUUUU..." Helen Hunt yelled. "Years of research thrown away.." Bill
looked at Helen. "Aw screw it, lets make love in the cornfield." And so they did.
Meanwhile back at the truck. "Shouldn't we be driving away from the twister?!" Duo
yelled. Barely able to be heard. But before anyone could do anything about that they were sucked
into the massive twister, they all hanging on for dear life.

*Back where-ever Relena's palace is.*

"I only have eyes...for you!!" Relena sang. That damned god awful voice of hers
screeching down throughout the palace. Dogs and cats howling and wailing outside. Just
making it a living hell. "Oh Heero, please come to mee!" She screamed out, dual hands
held out toward what it seemed to be a 300 foot poster of Arnold Swarzenegger. With a
big picture of Heero's head poorly pasted upon it. But soon was halted, for a loud crash
was heard just from outside. She screamed and ran into another room locking herself in.

The four hopped out of the truck, looking around. Duo clung onto Heero as they
looked around. "Heero, I don't think were in Nebraska anymore.." "Where not in
Nebraska, were at Relena's place. "Well that's good. For the most part." Wufei shrugged
the thought off as they began to walk into the palace. Somehow or another there super
Gundam Pilot super powers got themselves through security. But im not going to
explain how, since this story is too damn long as it is.

"You two take this room, and Duo and I will take this room." Heero snickered as
he drug Duo into the room. It was a humungus room, with billions and billions of Heero
posters. "This must be Relena's room." Heero said. A typical room for someone who is
freakishly obsessed with someone. Such as Relena. "Than this makes it more interesting!"
Duo squealed hopping into bed. "Look! A mirror at the top of the bed! This is soo cool!"
He got under the covers as Heero hopped in too.
"This is the best!" Duo said kissing Heero. "That's not me." Heero said. "What
do you mean?" He stopped to look at the Heero in front of him. "Yes it is-wait. Aww!!"
He screamed with disgust. He pulled out an inflatable doll, with a picture of Heero's face
poorly pasted upon it. He threw it across the room, and clutched onto the real Heero.
"Officially traumatized." He said to himself. "Don't worry I'll make it all better." Heero
grinned for once. And they got it on!

*The next morning.*

Relena walked into her room, yawning. Her right hand holding onto a handful of
mail. And the other scratching that big ghetto ass of hers. She passed her bed, unnoticed
with the fact that Duo and Heero were both under there. She looked at a package that
read. "TO RELENA FROM HEERO." She screamed with excitement as she ran across
the room to the 110+ inch tv she had. She popped the tape in as she sat cross legged
upon the floor watching intently. Duo sat up. Relena not noticing her. He grinned
realizing what she was watching. He put his boxers, pants and so on back on while in the
background he heard. "Oh Fuch me sideways, Heero!" He awaited for her
to scream bloody murder. And she did! Seeing what was going on before her, well in her
opinion was mortifying. It was as if she was traumatized. Heero quickly woke up from
the god-awful scream. But didn't sit up. He just laid there quietly under the covers
completely. Trowa and Wufei, ran into the room as she spun around looking at them.
"Well, shit on a shit cracker." Trowa exclaimed. As Relena looked at Duo. "She saw the tape." Wufei completed.

"YOU!" She screamed, stomping in those pink slippers. Each foot with a picture of Heero poorly pasted upon it. Duo sat up looking at her. "You slept with him!!!!" She screamed. And with a cocky
voice, Duo replied. "On your bed!" He pointed at the bed, as Heero sat up. She gasped
and began to slap Duo. He slapped back, thus resulting the two in a sissy cat fight. Heero
got up, and got his cloths on. Entertained with the two fighting. Trowa and Wufei
watching the tv, drool from their mouths. "You fart plummer ding dong!!" Duo yelled.
Mocking Relena, as he grabbed her and tossed her out the window. She screamed out.
"Heeerrroo..." and finally splat.

They retrieved the tape, even though Relena saw it anyways. But it was all for the
better. Relena was dead. Leaving both the world and space a better place. Hey that rymed!
*Daa dum! The End!*