Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Scars ❯ Scars ( Chapter 1 )

~What you found sure upset you,

Never saw it coming did you?

It's easy to be surprised

With both your eyes sewn closed.~

He was so determined to make me human. He tried everything; he tried to make me understand.

It didn’t work.

Not that there’s anything wrong with being human. I remember what it was like to be happy. I remember singing and playing my guitar, and drawing, and playing around with my friends, and everything that went with having a normal life.

I also remember losing it.

~Handled with great precision,

Another faultless exectution,

You’re the subject of this exhibition,

A willing cadaver, a willing cadaver.~

It happened so suddenly, we hardly knew what hit us. We were a peace loving community; we didn’t play a part in the war. Unfortunately, to Oz, that meant we were enemies.

"Those who aren’t with us are against us" isn’t that how the saying goes? Oh well. It doesn’t matter now.

He didn’t understand. I suppose that’s to be expected. I never exactly explained, did I?

I didn’t offer and he didn’t ask.

Which is too bad. He’s probably the only one I would have told, anyway.

~Scalpled, sutured, made whole again.

These cuts are leaving creases.

Trace the scars, to fit the pieces,

To tell your story, you don't need to say a word.~

I think I understood him, though. Better then anyone else, at least. The rest of the world never sees past our

Walls. Most of the time they hardly realize we HAVE walls.

Which is just stupid. We wouldn’t have survived without our walls. The torture and the

nightmares would have slowly but surely killed us. We’d be insane.

Wonder if he realized that I never stopped having emotions, just stopped showing them.

He wouldn’t understand that, either.

For all that he does the same thing.

~So call off the calvery,

You can't save a wretch like me.

Clean this off with kerosene,

If you can't leave it be, might as well make it bleed.~

Heh. Odd that he never understood, really. But it doesn’t matter.

I’ll never see him again.

I have to admit I never expected J to go as far to call me to where he was living to kill me.

All he had to do was order me to do it, and I would have.

Another thing he wouldn’t understand.

Did anybody ever understand?

Well . . .

~Scalpled, sutured, made whole again.

Your wires are frayed, can't fire right,

You look better when out of sight,

You were one made to stand up and fight,

There’s something better wrong with you.~

I would swear that there have been three people who have ever understood me a saw me

for who I was.

The first was Odin. He understood me at the time, and never questioned any decision I made.

Then there was J. To this day, J can see me for exactly who I am. He knows what I’m feeling as if he were the empath, not Quatre.

And last but not least, Relena Peacecraft-Darlian looked in to my eyes the first time we met and saw my emotions clear as day.

But he never understood.

And he hated it.

~Your pulse is anemic, you're tired of the fire,

you're bruising to easily, and falling behind,

and no one is waiting for you,~

J promised me death when the war was over. That was his promise to me. Because I’m not allowed to do it myself.

I made a promise to several people that I wouldn’t kill myself.

I suppose this is cheating, but oh well.

Doesn’t matter anymore.

~And no one is waiting for you.~

"Heero!" oh dear, the Calvary has found me.

Hope you escaped J, they look mad.

"Heero!" Duo whispered to me as he carefully picked me up.

I would inform him that I’m not made of porcelain, if it didn’t take so much effort to breathe.

"Why?" He whispers, looking at me, tears in his eyes.

Oh dear, they think I did this to myself.

But I’m not ALLOWED. Don’t they know that?

I’m dizzy as Duo picks me up. Must be blood loss.

That’s another thing, why did J slash me instead of shooting me? I always thought he would shoot me.

Did you know that Duo’s eyes are this amazing blue?

Wonder why I didn’t notice? I used to notice. I loved colors.

But I’m rambling. I don’t usually do that. Must have something to do with the red stuff . . .

Oh, no, wait, no black! Things can’t be all bla . . .

Oh, that’s better. Except now everything’s white.

White’s almost as bad as black except it’s brighter so that puts it below black and just above pink.

There are all kinds of people racing around my room. Heh. They must be trying to help me.

Someone took my hand, which feels odd, cause I can FEEL my hand, but I can’t move it.

"Oh, Heero . . ." Oh, it’s you, Duo. That’s all right then. You can hold my hand.

Nobody else had better get any ideas, though.

"Pull through, this Heero, please . . ."

Pull through what?

"Don’t die . . ."

Ah. That. Is that what this is, then? Death? Funny, I always though you were supposed to leave your body when you die . . .

"Don’t die, please Heero, for me . . ."

Alright, Duo. For you. I can’t promise anything else, though. That okay? Good.

Now, what to do about this numb feeling . . .

~So call off the quarantine,

you can't save the rest from me.

Clean this with kerosene,-

If you can't leave it be, might as well make it bleed.~

"Mr. Maxwell?"

Duo looked at the man, hopefully. "Yes, Doctor?"

The man smiled. "We think he’ll make a complete recovery. I don’t know how he’s doing it, but he’s actually using the pain to keep himself alive. He’s definitely a Fighter."

"Yeah . . ." whispered Duo, looking at Heero, whose eyes suddenly flicked to him amusement.

Duo grinned. "A Fighter . . ."

If you say so, Duo.

If you say so.

* * *

Rain: I don’t own Gundam Wing and I don’t own the song. I hope you liked it. Review, please.