Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Scurvy, Jolly Rogers and a Whole Lotta Booty ❯ The Lumpiest Porridge Ever ( Chapter 4 )

The Lumpiest Porridge Ever

The Winner Plantation sat on an extensive piece of South Carolinian farm land, five hundred acres of the best unused fields in the whole entire state. Mr. Winner was very big on privacy, so no one but family members and a handful of employees were ever allowed on the grounds themselves. The Winner family had a great fortune, although no one but Mr. Winner was absolutely sure how it had been acquired. There were rumors of mysterious ships docking at the dead of night outside the plantation, but those were only rumors.

Right at this moment all the employees were mysteriously absent, and a very strange man was being lead down the hall by Mr. Winner toward the study. As soon as they entered the room Mr. Winner turned to his companion. "So you know were my son is then?"

The other man nodded, "I have an idea." Then a sinister looking smile spread across his lips, "I believe he is aboard The Zero Star."

Mr. Winner was taken aback, "the Zero Star, why that's Captain Heero Yuy's ship. What has he done with my Quatre?"

The other man's smile widened, "Captain Heero hasn't done anything. In fact, I believe Quatre has joined his crew."

Mr. Winner stood very still for several minutes before finally speaking, "then my son has shown his true colors. I must admit I'm rather shocked, I always thought he was such a sissy."

The other man nodded, "Yes, but sometimes even sissies can amaze us."


* * *

Quatre had gotten to work right away in the kitchen, he had scrubbed it spotless, which took awhile considering the bad shape the stove was in. And now he was ready to cook. It would be something grand, something delicious, something pirates would talk about for years to come. Who is the greatest pirate chef? Why, Quatre Raberba Winner of course. He smiled at this thought, yes, this will be a meal to remember.

"Trowa," he asked the boy who was lounging at the table with a diet rum, "where is the pantry?"

The boy pointed at a unreasonably tiny cupboard, "Right there, that's all the food we have."

Quatre opened it, but even as he did his heart was sinking, and once he looked inside his greatest fears where confirmed. There was nothing except a bag of something that looked like yellowish brown flour.

"What is this stuff?" Quatre asked as he removed it from the cupboard.

"Oh, that's dry porridge," Trowa explained. "You see, pirates eat only three different kinds of food, porridge, gruel and slop. You're just lucky we have a good deal of porridge right now."

Quatre nodded, "yeah, I'd hate to see what gruel and slop are."

Trowa giggled, "No, that's not why your lucky. It's because porridge is the easiest thing to make. Gruel is somewhat harder, but to make a good pot of slop takes real talent."
Quatre smiled out of fear, "well, uh, how do you make porridge then?"

"Oh, that's easy," Trowa said, "you just add water."

* * *

Wu Fei stood in a profound state of shock as the previous revelation sunk into his brain. Captain Heero and this stowaway, Duo, knew one another. He looked from the face of his stoic captain to the slight grin on the face of the Duo fellow.

"Well, aren't you going to explain this? How do you know this rat, Captain Heero?"

He said nothing, but Duo spoke up just as well. "I always knew you'd be a Captain one day, Heero. You always had the ambition. But I just never figured you would go and steal the suit off our dead Captain, and change the name of his ship to fit your needs."

Captain Heero's cheeks turned a slight shade of red, which signified great anger bubbling up in his blood. "I didn't steal anything. I had this suit custom made, and this ship I won in a poker game. Now lets get on to you, Duo Maxwell, why didn't you die on that deserted island we marooned you on for mutiny?"

Duo laughed cruelly, "it wasn't deserted at all. It was inhabited by a very lively Voodoo Priestess and her hoard of brain sucking zombies. Luckily, they're were also plenty of tropical fruits to choose from and make fruity alcoholic concoctions. Otherwise I might have been sober through the whole ordeal." Captain Heero looked down, how embarrassing, especially in front of Wu Fei.

He regained his momentarily lost composer and said, "that doesn't explain how you escaped, Duo."

"Right," Duo continued, "I built a boat made from banana trees and sailed to Florida."

Captain Heero looked at him suspiciously. He had known Duo for a long time, and he never was very handy. No, Duo was a thief and a pirate at heart, not a carpenter. Duo got the gist of the Captain's stare.

"All right, so I didn't build a banana boat. I stole the Voodoo Priestess boat and a lot of her trinkets. I was going to sell them back on the main land, but I got attacked by another pirate. His ship was huge, and surrounded by a kind of greenish mist. He stole the trinkets and the ship, but he put me in a long boat and pointed it toward Louisiana."

Captain Heero couldn't believe what he was hearing. "The Ghost Pirate Treize," he whispered absently.

Wu Fei chipped in, "Yeah, it sure sounds like him. But what would he want with voodoo trinkets?"

Duo shrugged, "beats the hell out of me."

And Captain Heero looked at him coldly, but then he always looked a people that way. "Don't give me any ideas, Duo."

Although he was enjoying this, Wu Fei interrupted his Captain, "so what are we going to do with him? Make him walk the plank? Feed him to the sharks? Maroon him on a deserted island? Beat him to death with coconuts? Shove bananas down him throat until he chokes?" Duo, being unfamiliar with the Chinese man's extreme nature, raised an eyebrow.

Captain Heero stood in thought a moment. All of Wu Fei's ideas sounded tempting, but he was sure Duo could help in his quest to outsmart the ghost pirate Treize. He was a thief by the way, a master thief. And Captain Heero also couldn't deny that he was a damn good pirate. "I would like you to stay aboard The Zero Star as a crew member, Duo. I believe we can overcome our past and work together."

Duo nodded in agreement, "sure, why not?" But he smelled something fishy. It might have been Wu Fei, who had been messing around with the fishing net earlier, but then Duo didn't trust Captain Heero. He didn't do things that were nice unless there was something in it for him. Something big.

Wu Fei stood in absolute shock. For the second time in one day Captain Heero had allowed a weakling to join his prestigious crew. What could the Captain be thinking? Had the years of drinking massive amounts of diet rum finally gone to his head? Well, there was no other explanation. In the midst of these thoughts he was interrupted by a familiar voice.

It was Trowa yelling, "dinner!!!"

When the party of three reached the dining area it was set as beautifully as it possibly could be, but it was quite amazing what Quatre could do with some potato sacks and toothpicks. He was a regular Martha Stewart. Quatre had worked hard on the presentation for fear of the meal its self. You see, although he had truly tried to make smooth, creamy porridge it hadn't turned out the way. At first it was only a couple of big lumps, but as he tried harder to break them up, more and more kept appearing. Now, it was a mass of lumps in various bowls around the table.

Quatre watched the other pirates take there seats, including one he had never met before. His heart was racing as he watched the Captain blowing on a spoonful of piping hot lumps of porridge. Please, he said to himself, please like it and don't kill me.

The other pirates were very impressed by the lovely layout, although they weren't sure where a table cloth and mats had come from. Captain Heero was pleased with this, he always liked nice things, and his diet rum had been set out in a mug with a charming little umbrella. He took a spoonful of the porridge and blew on it before putting it in his mouth. It was the most delicious porridge ever, and he and the other pirates inhaled their bowls in two minutes flat.

"That was the best porridge ever," Captain Heero said to the blonde.

"Yes," Trowa chipped in, "and you are the best pirate chef ever."

Quatre was absolutely glowing, "you like it, you really like it!"

Then to everyone's surprise Wu Fei added, "of course, Quatre. You may be a man, but you cook like a wench." And that was a very big compliment coming from Wu Fei.

That was when Duo recognized the pirate cook. He had been the wench who lost the wet T-shirt contest in Palm Beach the day before. Duo had watched that contest before leaving to steal the necklace. But then another revelation hit Duo, he was also Quatre Winner, heir to the Winner fortune. He had seen his photo in Millionaires Digest when deciding on who to relieve of what. It all made perfect sense. Duo smiled at his observational skills, and went to take a sip of the alcohol in his mug. But after it entered his mouth, he promptly spit it out.

"Ahhh!! What the hell is this stuff?!?" he exclaimed as he tried to get the taste out of his mouth.

Captain Heero looked at Duo as he spit out the diet rum. What a waste of perfectly good diet rum, he thought. "It's diet rum, Duo."

Duo couldn't contain his laughter, "why do you drink diet rum? Do you drink diet Coke, too?"

The Captain remained unaffected, "do you have any idea how many calories are in regular rum? I may be a pirate captain, but I have to watch what I eat in order to fit into my outfit." Duo calmed his fits of laughter and took another sip, it was, after all, alcohol.


* * *

A green mist surrounded the ship that was trailing The Zero Star. Its captain stood at the helm. His translucent form watching the distant ship as it continued along its course.