Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Shades of Gray ❯ Part One ( Chapter 1 )

Shades of Gray

Part One

By: The Firefaery

NC-17: Sexual situations

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing

****

The Eve Wars are over and I don't know what to do with myself. Our Gundams sleep soundly in a bunker under a Winner mansion somewhere, the location isn't precise. I'm not sure I want to know. Deathscythe is gone, and I wish I could believe it's going to be that way forever. That machine meant, and still means, a lot to me, but it also haunts my dreams, a looming phantom I pilot as Shinigami. Something I used to kill. It did its job, terrified and terminated Oz soldiers, men who purposely hurt innocent bystanders.

Now all of our metal Titans will hopefully sleep forever.

Deathscythe isn't the only thing I hope stays asleep forever. My alter-ego, Shinigami, seems to have all but disappeared. For the moment, at least. Sometimes, I feel it stirring, in times when I'm feeling uneasy or I'm in unfamiliar territory. The old "Battle Mode" trying to kick in again, I guess. I just want to be a normal kid again. Well, I guess I can't say "again". Growing up on the streets of L-2 really isn't the way to raise a "normal" kid.

"Hey, are you coming inside?" a rough voice interrupts my melancholy thoughts and I turn, grinning.

"Yeah, just thinking," I explain, standing up to start walking back inside with Heero Yuy, my lover. Isn't that a great thing to say? My lover! I laugh softly as we step inside a lit up doorway, the one leading down from the roof where I'd been sitting. Me and Heero are holed up, so to speak, in a snazzy apartment on L-4. Quatre's big company, Winner Corp., is right down the street. He and Trowa live together, too, just like me and Heero.

I say holed up, though, because we basically are at the moment. The war has been over for eight months now, but that doesn't mean the media has, for one second, forgotten about the group of soldiers, slash teenagers, who brought about the peace. They've been hounding us all since the day after the final battle, it seems. Bunch of damn vultures.

After escaping the frenzy down on Earth for the slightly more peaceful Colonies, the four of us, Trowa, Quatre, Heero, and I all settled on L-4 for a while. None of us are broke, not with all the hacking we did, but sometimes I feel completely useless. I've considered looking up Hilde on L-2 and seeing about that salvage business she was talking about, but I haven't talked to Heero about it. The four of us are doing all right at the moment. We aren't too sure where Wu Fei has disappeared to, none of us have heard from him almost since the last day of the War. I don't know how he managed to avoid the media frenzy. Turning my mind away from those thoughts carefully, I sprawl across the sofa in our living once we reach the apartment.

Looking over at Heero, I watch as he lazily stretches and sits down in the leather recliner. Seeing his muscles flex, his back arch, I'm reminded of times when he does those things, but not to stretch.

"What?" he asks, meeting my lustful gaze with a questioning one. Grunting, I shift carefully, trying to adjust the sudden tightness in my sweats.

"Can't help looking at you, is all," I whisper lowly, giving him a slow, sensual smile. His easy return smile barely lifts his mouth, but his eyes give me all the response I need. Heero will always be described in my mind as owning bedroom hair and bedroom eyes. Standing back up, he walks towards me, that smile growing larger and those eyes darkening to a deep blue with his emotions. I shiver, waiting for him to come to me. He stops barely an inch away from my bent knees, looking down at me.

"I seem to have a similar problem with you," the love of my life admits, leaning down and placing a hand on either side of my head, his arms trapping me in; or they would, if I weren't willing. Which I always am. Our noses almost touch and I can feel his breath against my lips, teasing me. I shift again, uncomfortably aware of what Heero can do to me without even touching me.

"Do you think there's anything we can do about our…preoccupation?" My voice is thick and heavy, my entire body hot. And all he'd done was stretch!

Rubbing his nose against mine, he grins. "We could always distract ourselves with something else," the tease suggests, leaning forward to brush his lips against my mouth. Groaning, I finally move my arms, wrapping one around his waist and using the other to cup the back of his head and crush us into a heavy kiss.

Soon he's straddling my lap, one hand running up my shirt, the other tangled in my hair. With his weight pressing me into the cushions and his mouth stealing my breath, I never want to move. I nip his bottom lip and hear his own groan, my hands doing some roaming of their own.

Panting, we break apart, hurriedly yanking off our shirts. I feel him loosen the tie on the end of my braid and hear another groan as he brings a handful of hair to his nose and buries his face in it. Hands trail up my arms, then down the planes of my chest. Heero's mouth follows, his tongue flicking over a nipple playfully, making me gasp. I can feel his smile against my skin. Suddenly, he stands up and stares down at me, a hand outstretched.

"Let's move this somewhere else, ne?" Those eyes, god, those eyes! Man, I can hear my heart in my head, pounding madly. It isn't like we're new at this or anything, but sex with Heero is like…really good sex!

I grab his hand and start dragging him to our room, laughing lowly and grinning like an idiot. Duo Maxwell: Fool in love. We're almost to our room, I can feel the heat his body against my bare back. A callused hand wraps around my waist, pressing me into his smooth chest; teeth nip at my shoulder as we stumble down the hall.

The door bell rang.

"Fuck!" I growl. The two of us pause for a moment, hoping whoever it is will get the hint and split. As the damn bell rings again, I realize we've got no such luck. Turning, I kiss Heero full on, pushing him against the wall next to us. "I guess we'll finish this later?" He grunts, nodding, his face reflecting my own frustration. "This had better be good!"

I stomp back through the apartment, not bothering with a shirt. They ring again just before I get to the door, and I feel myself getting royally pissed off.

Yanking the door open, I bark into the face of whoever the hell it is. "What!"

A slightly dazed Wu Fei blinks back at me. He sways for a moment and has to put his hand to the door frame to steady himself. I can only stare at him in shock. He looks like shit. His face is pale and drawn, dark circles under his blood-shot eyes like he hasn't been sleeping, mussed clothes. I sniff at the air, and correct myself.

"Have you been drinking?!" Dark eyes blink at me again, and the Chinese ex-Pilot gives me a sloppy grin.

"Hey Duo…" Then he promptly passes out at my feet. Shit.

"Heero! We've got company!"

****

Altron's Pilot is snoring loudly on our sofa, an arm thrown over his eyes as he sleeps off his binge. Why Chang Wu Fei would have gone on a binder is beyond even me. Running a hand through my hair, I walk into the kitchen where Duo is talking quietly on the phone to Quatre.

"No, he just showed up," he explains to the worried blonde figure on the screen. Quatre sighs and shakes his head, as I walk up behind Duo, peering over his shoulder at our comrade.

"We don't hear from him for months, no idea where he's gotten to, and then he shows up at your apartment, drunk!" the poor guy exclaims, running a hand through his own hair. We're all frustrated and confused, not to mention a little worried. A silent Trowa is seen for a moment in the background. "Not to mention you and Heero's flat is supposed to be a secret!" That got me. I hadn't realized that fact until now, but it was true. Wu Fei must have been purposely looking for us, to somehow find our current and unknown address.

Duo sighs as well. "I know, Q-man, but he's sleeping off whatever he drank now." We both glance back towards the living room. "We'll have to wait for him to wake up before we can get some answers."

"I wonder what drove him to drink like that," I begin, one hand casually creeping around Duo's waist. "Wu Fei never struck me as the type to drown his sorrows in alcohol." All three of us are thoughtful now, trying to imagine what Wu Fei could have been feeling when he filled himself with such a weakness.

"We'll get back to you once he wakes up, Q-man," Duo finally says, cutting the connection once Quatre nods. He leans back into me, his hair once again in his waist-long braid, both of our shirts back in place. "I'm really worried about Fei, Heero. He disappears right after the Wars end, we don't hear from him, no word whatsoever, then he pops up on our doorstep, drunk as a skunk!" He turns to me, violet eyes full of frustration. "What the hell is going on?!"

"I don't know, Duo, we'll just have to find out once he wakes up." It's all I can offer him, and he knows it. So we go into the other room to sit and wait, Duo on the arm of the recliner next to me.

****

(Three Hours Later)

Groaning, I shift around, trying unsuccessfully to block out the light trying to fry my brain. Blinking as I realize I don't know where I am, I lift my arm away from my eyes to look around, not recognizing anything in the neat living room I'm apparently in.

"So…you're awake." That voice! My eyes snap to the chair across the room, nearly crossing as they take in the sight of Heero Yuy sitting casually with his arms crossed, a sleeping Duo Maxwell leaning against his shoulder.

"Heero? What…" I don't remember how I got here, but I do remember wandering into a random club somewhere on L-4, an innocuous little slip of paper tucked carefully into my jacket pocket. The slip of paper that has Pilot 01 and Pilot 02's address on it. And I remember sitting down at the bar, ordering a drink, and then it all goes foggy from there.

God, I must have had quite a few after that to feel like this. Not that it was an unfamiliar feeling, of late. Hangover's are my morning companion more often then not. It's the only way I can get to sleep at night, these days. I dream of the past, mostly, and sometimes of a vision I know is forever out of my reach. Even though he's sleeping across the room from me now.

I'd spent the months after the Eve Wars trying to get some sense of self, trying to piece together what made me Chang Wu Fei in this sudden time of peace. The word bit into me, stinging harshly. Peace; what was that? I'd finally managed to convince myself to rejoin the other Pilots, find out what they'd been up to since that day over eight months ago. I tracked down their addresses, though it was somewhat difficult. I could only assume Heero had something to do with that. But actually going to L-4 and talking with them again, seeing *him* again, was something I had a lot of difficulties with.

About six months before the end of the Wars, Duo Maxwell, Pilot 02 of the Gundam Deathscythe, had nearly died. On a routine OZ base elimination job, he'd taken a bad hit in the gut, and it almost got him. He was down for over a month, unconscious, and it took him two more to fully recover. It hit me very hard, watching him hover on the brink of death for days, weeks.

I'd known I felt something other than friendship towards the exuberant Baka for a few months, but tried to tell myself it wasn't viable to pursue him at that point. I finally realized I'd managed too well, when he almost died without him ever knowing how I felt about him. I had almost worked up the courage to admit it all, the day he woke up, when I walked in on Heero Yuy confessing similar feelings, and having them returned. As they kissed for the first time, something inside me curled up and quietly cried.

Duo loved Heero, and Heero loved Duo. End of story, so they say. But for me, it wasn't. I loved Duo, too. Still love him. I spent the rest of the Wars developing a steady drinking habit, and after they ended, turned it into a dangerous one. At every turn, they were there together, holding hands, exchanging caresses that only lovers shared. Which when I thought about The Perfect Soldier holding hands with anybody, let alone another guy, it struck me even harder. And Trowa and Quatre with their own relationship didn't help matters. Sally Po, the only non-Pilot companion I had, and the only female, finally drug the problem out of me, but couldn't really give me any advice that was helpful.

Forgetting about him and letting go wasn't really an option for me. Still isn't.

"We haven't heard from you in eight months, Wu Fei," Heero murmurs, breaking into my thoughts. I tried hating him, believe me, but it wasn't possible. He hadn't done anything wrong, had only fallen for the same thing I found so amazing; one Duo Maxwell. How could I blame him without blaming myself?

"I am aware of that fact, Heero," I whisper back, my voice slightly harsh, the foul taste of bile in my mouth. I haven't thrown up yet from a hangover, but I'd really hate to do so now, in Duo's home. `Duo and Heero's home,' I correct myself sadly.

"Good." I look back at him, meeting those piercing eyes of his, half surprised when no lecture follows. He shifts, being careful not to wake the figure still sleeping next to him. I feel a moment of envy, wishing for his place. Roughly stamping down on those thoughts, I break eye contact.

Sitting up slowly, I try not to jar my head. "Talked to Quatre?" He nods, confirming my guess that one of them would have contacted the other Pilots. "Mind if I use your shower?" I can smell the alcohol on me, so I know I must reek pretty badly.

"Down the hall, the second door," he replies, motioning with his head. "Towels are under the sink, grab something from the closet when you're done. Last door." Falling silent again, he returns to gazing at me steadily. I grunt and stand up, making my way slowly across the room to the hallway. Glancing over my shoulder, I watch as he gently shakes Duo. Not wanting to confront the other man just yet, I hurry to the bathroom. Their bathroom.

`Stop it, Chang. Keep this up, and you'll be down at the bar again before morning.' It's past midnight, I see, catching a glimpse of the face of a clock hanging on the wall. I step into the dark bathroom and flip on the light, feeling cold tile on my bare feet. I realize someone took my shoes and socks off, and my jacket. Briefly, I wonder if it was Duo or Heero.

Turning on the water in the shower, I strip off my grimy clothes, leaving them in a pile by the toilet. I take the band out of my lank hair and let it hit my shoulders. A view of my haggard appearance in the mirror makes me wince. I've lost weight, and my eyes are red from lack of sleep and too much drinking. I can't begin to imagine what the two in the other room's impression of me is. I set a towel on the closed lid of the toilet and step into the spray.

The water is too hot, but I don't care as I let it wash over me. I grab a random bottle of shampoo and scrub it into my scalp, trying to clean away the feelings as well.

"Why am I here?" I whisper, the sound of water running the only thing that replies. A bar of soap is passed over my body, washing away the smell but not the reason I'd gotten this way in the first place. Chang Wu Fei, the Solitary Dragon. Meant to stay that way, I imagine.

When I'm done, I reach around the curtain and grab the towel, drying my dark hair viciously, then the rest of me. I wrap it around my waist securely, then step out. The tiles are still cold. Reaching down, I pick up my discarded clothing and open the door, steam pouring out into the hallway. I pad quickly down the hallway, coming to the last doorway. Opening it, I step into their bedroom and make my way to the dresser first. A dark pair of boxers is slipped on under the towel, then I turn to the closet.

I choose a pair of loose gray pants and a white tank top, sliding them onto my damp skin. The tank top clings slightly as I walk out of the room, never once glancing at the bed. I head back to the bathroom and grab a handy comb, pulling it through my tangled locks. My tight ponytail is back in place as I turn off the light and prepare to head back into to talk to the two of them. I can hear the low sound of voices from down the hall.

"I'll see if he wants to stay here for the night, okay?" I hear, and freeze slightly at the sound of Duo's voice. Damn, I didn't realize he'd ask me that, but I should have guessed. Duo will never be accused of not caring about his friends.

"I have a hotel room down town," I call quietly from behind the chair they're still sitting in. Duo turns quickly to look at me.

"Hey, Fei, long time no see," he says quietly, his eyes taking in the clothes and my damp hair. I grunt in reply and walk over to sit down on the couch.

They look at each other, then look at me. I'm hoping they'll get this over with quickly so I can leave. Even sitting casually next to each other, Duo's right arm is around Heero's shoulder, Heero's left arm around the braided one's waist. They fit together so easily, and I am left on the outside looking in.

"You had us really worried, Fei. I mean, ya kinda just dropped off the face of the Earth after the Wars," Duo begins finally, left hand gripping the end of his braid; not a positive sign.

"I am…sorry," I manage, finding the white wall above their heads suddenly very interesting. I can't bring myself to actually meet those violet eyes.

"Are you all right, Wu Fei? I mean, you show up drunk off your ass, and then ya pass out at my feet," he adds, studying me closely. I feel a blush creep onto my cheeks; I'd passed out at his feet?

`God, what must he think of me?' I'm not sure I want to know.

"I'm fine now, Duo. I am sorry if I worried you, I must have had more to drink then I intended." It was a weak attempt to explain myself, and I can feel his eyes boring into me. The amount of will power it's taking to keep myself sitting here, facing them, is more than I'll ever admit to.

"Wu Fei, Duo and I would like you to stay with us, if just for tonight. You can go back to your hotel tomorrow," Heero cuts in for the first time. I open my mouth to make an immediate protest, but he holds up his hand to stop me. "We will take it as a grave insult if you do not accept." The bastard knows it will get me, and it does. I glare at him, trying to tell him without words how this will torture me, even for one night. It's obvious he doesn't receive the message as he stares unblinkingly at me.

"Fine. I will stay for the night, but tomorrow I will return to my own arrangements." Duo grins at me, and I feel myself melt a little. Maybe this won't be so bad.

"Great! You can stay in the guest room, we never get a reason to use it," the excitable young man starts, hopping off the chair and coming over to grab my hand. I'm frozen, not sure what to do as he drags me back down the hall to the first door. "Here, this is your room for the night. The bed's made already, so ya can hit the sack right away if ya want." His voice is hopeful, and I know he wants to stay up and talk.

"You where expecting me to stay the moment I came in, weren't you?" I murmur, looking at him in the dim light. He grins suddenly.

"Well, yeah. Why not?" His cocky tone makes me smile. There's no reply to that, so I don't try to form one.

"Thank you," I say, my voice so soft I can barely hear it. The grin on his face softens to a knowing smile, and he places a hand on my shoulder.

"Hey, don't worry about it. And you can stay with us as long as ya want. Ya didn't have to go to a hotel," he adds, the hand tightening slightly. I shrug slightly, and he removes it, reluctantly almost.

Sighing, I turn to head back towards the kitchen. "Do you have tea in this place?" Laughing, he leads me back to through the apartment, the split-second moment of tenseness broken.

"I think we can come up with something for ya, Fei."

****

Bright light hitting me in the eyes wakes me in the morning. I'd forgotten to close the blinds last night, and now I was paying for it. Groaning, I lift my head up and look over Heero's silent form to the clock on the nightstand. It blinks at me calmly, showing me it's the god-awful hour of seven in the a.m. I turn away from that glaring reality and place a pillow over my head, trying to go back to sleep.

The three of us had stayed up till three the night before, talking, remembering. Wu Fei had been vague about his activities since the Wars, and we hadn't pressed. I didn't know what was up with him, but the sight of him, so pale and weighing less than he ever had during the Eve Wars, worried me a lot. That, and him coming in smelling like a brewery.

Wu Fei and I had been somewhat close during the Wars, the mission where we'd been trapped in an air tight room by Oz having brought some understanding between us. The Chinese Pilot, I had realized, didn't speak often, but when he did, it was often after deep thought and contemplation. His was a logical, intent mind. I admired him, respected him, and cared a lot about him. I still do. Sometimes I think I care for him too much, and I have to remember all the good things I've found with Heero since the months I was injured and recovering just before the end of the Wars.

That toned body, the bronze skin, and those dark eyes that looked black from a distance, but were really a deep soulful brown. Grunting, I burrow deeper under my pillow. I'm not supposed to be thinking these things about Wu Fei, not with my lover sleeping next to me. But I do, and have since I met the stoic and scholarly Pilot 05. It doesn't mean I'm happy about it. I'd never pursued him, never made any overt moves with Wu Fei. I'd always set my sights on Heero, never thinking that Wu Fei, with his dead child-wife and his mourning whites, would be even remotely open to my advances.

Of course, it wasn't like Heero had ever been, at least at first. It took me almost dying to make us both admit what we felt for each other. I sometimes secretly wonder what would have happened if Wu Fei were the one to confess his love for me. It's a useless thought now, but I can't help it.

I love Heero, I know this, but I feel…something…for Wu Fei as well. Quatre has mentioned Wu Fei's reaction to my illness to me, and it shocks me every time. He stayed with me constantly during the day, while Heero stood vigil over my nights.

I'm not unhappy or even unsatisfied living with the tousle-haired man next to me, and sharing his bed. But when I'm alone, I think about sharing those same things with another man. A black haired, dark eyed, Solitary Dragon.

I finally admit I'm not getting back to sleep, and slip out of bed. Wearing nothing but boxers, I pad into the kitchen and start a pot of coffee. Might as well wake up fully. Caffeine is my friend. No matter how much the other ex-Pilots protest about my intake. I've learned to control my hyper tendencies after consuming a few cups. Or at least that's what I try to tell myself… `Insert evil grin,' I mentally joke, not awake enough to actually do it.

The rich smell of brewing coffee fills the small kitchen as I flop into a chair, laying my head on the table. My braid touches the floor as the cool wood presses into my forehead. The sound of feet shuffling into the room behind me almost makes me turn, but I resist the urge. Did I mention I'm not awake yet?

"Trouble sleeping?" The voice isn't the one I'm expecting, and I do turn to look at a sleepy Wu Fei. I nod, my eyes taking longer than necessary to blink. "Coffee smells good…Heero actually lets you drink it?" he jokes slightly, giving a jaw-popping yawn afterwards. I glare at him, stifling my answering yawn.

"Don't do that. You'll make me fall asleep again," I mutter, rubbing a hand over my face. There's enough in the pot for two cups, and I get up to pour both of us one. He nods his thanks as I hand him a mug. "Did I wake you up?"

"Not really. I usually wake this early to do a few katas." He smiles slightly at my disgusted look. "You should try it. It's good to see the sun rise."

"We're on a colony, Fei, there are no sunrises," I point out, grinning as I sit back down, glorious caffeine goodness clutched in my hands. Taking a sip, I sigh, already feeling more awake.

He blinks, looking out the window of our tiny kitchen. "I had forgotten. I've been on Earth for too long, I imagine." Falling silent again, he takes a drink from his cup and makes a face. "How much coffee did you use?"

"Hey, ya know I like it strong. It's the only way I can stay awake this early." As though to prove my point, I give a yawn. He smiles slightly.

"If you fall asleep at the table, I'm going to leave you there," he murmurs, taking another sip of his coffee. I give him a half-hearted glare.

"Gee, thanks Wu-man." When he doesn't even react to the old annoying nickname, I feel another twinge of worry. Back during the War, he'd always barked at me whenever I'd used it. `Maxwell! It's Wu Fei, not Wu-man, or Wu-bear, or anything else! Get it right!' His Clan katana would usually make an appearance as well, giving threat to my lovely braid. I could only assume the katana was back at his hotel, because I couldn't imagine Wu Fei travelling without it. He looked so pale and thin sitting across the kitchen table from me. What had happened during those mysterious eight months to change him so much?

"Do you have plans for today? Heero and I were going to have lunch with Trowa and Q-man; you should definitely come. Quatre will never forgive you if you don't." That at least gets a reaction, a rueful half-smile.

As he takes another sip and sets his cup down, he shrugs. "I might as well, otherwise he'll hunt me down and make me come anyway." I grin.

"Ah, I see you've met him before." He only rolls those dark eyes at me. Grinning, I punch his shoulder lightly. "Ya know, when he hears you're staying in a hotel, you'll go to sleep one night and wake up in the nearest Winner mansion the next morning, courtesy of Rashid. You might as well just stay with us. Or ya risk Quatre mothering you like a hen with chicks," I warn, smirking at his almost horrified expression. He was kind of cute in the morning. `Shut up, Maxwell.'

"I hadn't thought of that. You're right, though. Damn." He groans and finishes off his cup of coffee, taking it to the sink and rinsing it out. Ah, if only Heero could see. Actually, probably good thing he couldn't, `cause then he'd be on me about rinsing my dishes. He hated scrubbing coffee cups. I gulped the rest of mine down and stood up, stepping up behind him as the water ran in the sink. Swinging a casual arm around his neck, I turned to give him a cheeky grin.

"You wouldn't mind rinsing mine, too, would ya, buddy?" I paused as I felt him stiffen underneath my arm. He tilted his head back to look at me, our noses inches away. The tiny kitchen suddenly seemed to shrink even more as we stood there, clothed in very little, and our…lips…almost close enough to kiss. Those clear, brown eyes were locked with mine, then he blinked and stepped away from me, shrugging off my arm like he had my hand in the hall last night.

Clearing his throat, he looked away. "I think I'm going to go get some fresh air on the balcony." Without saying anything else, he walked past me and out of the kitchen. A second later I heard the click and swish of the sliding glass door leading to the balcony, and another click as he closed it behind him. I was left with a feeling that I'd missed something, something important. I just didn't know what it was.

****

I slumped against the white wall of the hallway, watching from the shadows as Wu Fei walked stiffly across our living room and out onto the balcony. Running a frustrated hand through my hair, I sighed and shook my head. Something was going on with Wu Fei, something that was connected to Duo.

Since our first encounter, I had learned respect and admiration for the Solitary Dragon. His sense of honor was something I would have liked to instill in myself, and his dedication to his idea of justice was admirable as well. There was something about him that drew me. He was a true warrior, and a comrade in the arms that I was glad to have at my back or at my side.

There was just something that I couldn't seem to grasp, something that involved him and Duo. I recalled the time over a year ago when Duo had been wounded on a routine OZ mission and had nearly died. My reaction had been bad, although not so noticeable because it was before the shell of the Perfect Soldier had cracked. Wu Fei's, however, had been very noticeable. When Duo had first been brought in, I can clearly remember Wu Fei rushing out of the room to be noisily sick in the front bushes. And while I had claimed the nights as my time of vigil, Wu Fei had watched during the day.

It seemed strange that I had never noticed this before, but I wrote it off as simply being too engrossed in my own shock and the growing realization that I was in love with Duo. I had a strange but also growing suspicion that perhaps the similarly stoic Wu Fei held some feelings for my lover. Possibly even loved him as well. And I couldn't put the doubt beside that perhaps Duo felt the same way.

The only problem was, what was I going to do about it?

I knew beyond any doubt at all that Duo loved me, and knew I loved him as well. The time we'd been together up to this point had been far from perfect, we'd had our share of differences. When Lady Une had offered us positions in her new venture, a section of the developing government called the Preventors, I'd been more than willing to sign up. Peace left an unsettling feeling in me. I wasn't called the Perfect Soldier for nothing. And Relena had also offered a position as her bodyguard. I often wondered if she realized that Duo and I were more than best friends and flatmates.

But that aside, Duo had refused the offer to join the Preventors, and I had felt obligated to decline as well. It was a point of heated discussion between the two of us after the end of the Wars. We'd finally agreed to lay low for a while on L-4 and escape the media hounds, and were currently living comfortably off our hacked finances. I knew, however, that we both felt useless and out of place, doing nothing other than reminiscing about the Wars and doing whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted.

We'd talked about returning to school and possibly going on to college as well. Our supply of money would easily cover the expense. He and I were both very good at hacking. Currently, however, all four of the ex-Pilots residing on L-4 were at loose ends, although Quatre was getting involved in Winner Corp. No decisions as to what our next step was going to be had been made, though.

This sudden reappearance of Wu Fei would only make things more confused. I was with Duo, and he was with me, but would he want to stay that way if he knew Wu Fei held feelings for him? Would Wu Fei pursue Duo now that he'd shown back up? If he did, I didn't know if I would kill him, or simply stand aside. Though I no longer held all the downsides of being the once Perfect Soldier, I was still unsure sometimes where I stood with Duo and our relationship. We were all only sixteen and seventeen, after all. Could someone make a lifelong decision to be with another person at this age? I thought I had, but now I was thrown into confusion as Wu Fei's feelings began coming to light.

I could only put my torrent of thoughts on hold, and corner Quatre today at lunch. I needed advice, and I needed to keep from losing the one person who held my old persona at bay. If I lost Duo, there would be no reason to continue this new track, this new Heero Yuy. I would become Relena's bodyguard, or at least a Preventor, and do my best to get killed. There was no debate in my mind that those were how the events would unfold. I could not live without him, once I'd had him. And as I admitted this to myself, I wondered if perhaps that didn't explain some of Wu Fei's behavior towards the end of the Wars, and the eight months following. He'd never had Duo at all.