Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Shifted View ❯ Digging in the Dirt ( Chapter 1 )

Digging In The Dirt

Something in me, dark and sticky

All the time it's getting strong

No way of dealing with this feeling

Can't go on like this too long

Bodies. Moving, breathing, shoving, shitting, eating, fucking, killing, dying...bodies. This is living. This is life. This is humanity. See him leer. See her shrink back in fear. Sweat. Sweat and blood and all the cleaning fluids used to mask your scent. I can smell you all. Your stink is in my nose, clinging to its membranes. I have murdered. I have murdered. I am a killer of men. I am a killer of children. Sweet, sweet children.

And there she is.

The angel. Trapped in the glowing light of a screen, surrounded by eyes turned up in private prayer. She is speaking. I can't hear the words, don't understand words. Can't understand the words anymore. Just her voice. That sound of hope. That purity rising in the stink of humanity. I want to kill her. I want to kill her. I want to rip her throat and scream her name as the fire flickers out of her eyes. I want to. I want to. I want.

This time you've gone too far

This time you've gone too far

This time you've gone too far

I told you. I told you. I told you. I told you.

"Heero." Her scent is not the same. Her scent is not the same as all the rest. Her scent is so clean. Her sweat is not masked. Her scent is not dampened by perfume. She has a musk of autumn lying in the creases of her armpits, and sunstruck sand between her breasts. Just barely, just barely I can smell the moaning fog of her cunt. She is human. She is human after all. But she is not like the rest. What is she? She is our savior, our mother queen. She is a fallen angel, come to set us right before her god. But I have no god, and I will not serve her.

She is touching me. Her hand is cool and dry against my forehead, my cheek. She is saying something, but I can't understand anymore. Why does she keep talking to me? Why does she keep talking if I can't understand her words? She is looking so concerned, so concerned. I want to kill you. "I want to kill you."

She takes her hands away. My face is empty now that her hands are gone. Bring back your hands! Bring them back!

"I am willing to die if you think it is time, Heero."

I can understand. She is telling me. She wants it. She wants it. She wants me to kill her. I have her throat, her golden throat. It is pulsing in my hands. I am kissing her pulse. I am biting her golden throat into red, sucking at her pink and fragrant flesh. I hear her moan, feel her moan through my teeth, my lips, and her hands come inching up my sides.

"No!"

You will not touch me. You will not have me. I will not serve you! And I am crying, on my knees before her.

She places hands on my head to calm me, cleanse me, save my soul. And I run. I run for my life.

This time you've gone too far

This time you've gone too far

This time you've gone too far

I told you. I told you. I told you. I told you.

Underground, cars around. But no people. No people here. She is alone. She is alone, thinking she is safe. Thinking she is safe in a world without violence, a world without hate. Her world. Her world of forgiveness. But it is not her world. It is our world. The rest of us, the sickly human race. We have fear. We have pain. We have vengeance and we have hate. We will hold on to them all. We will not let them go. I will kill her. This time I will kill her.

She is edgy now, getting closer. Closer to my shadow form. "Heero?"

Why? Why does she know I am here? I cock my gun at her head and she is so still. So calm.

She is talking again. I slam my hand around her windpipe. Whispering. Whispering into the tender crescent of her ear. "Get in the car."

Don't talk back

Just drive the car

Shut your mouth

I know what you are

Don't say nothing

Keep your hands on the wheel

Don't turn around

This is for real

"Where are we going, Heero?"

I am understanding words again and it hurts. I don't want to understand. I don't want to understand anymore. I am tired of understanding. I have seen the future. I have seen my death. I have died and been brought back against my will, over and over and over and I will not understand anymore. I want to know. I want to know what she knows.

Digging in the dirt

Stay with me, I need support

I'm digging in the dirt

To find the places I got hurt

Open up the places I got hurt

"Pull over." She complies. I am in control. I will not serve them anymore!

"Look at me." She does not comply. "Look at me!" She is trembling, quaking so delicately. So piteously fragile. Why is she breaking now? "Don't leave me now, Relena."

I am touched. Her fingers at the corner of my eye, warm palm against my cheek. She is so gentle. She is not afraid. "Why aren't you afraid of me?" She is gathering me in, pulling me to her breasts, holding me like her lost child. Her scent is all around me. Her different parts melding into one. One. One perfection. One whole.

"You are the truth, Heero. I am no longer afraid of the truth."

The more I look, the more I find

As I close on in, I get so blind

I feel it in my head, I feel it in my toes

I feel it in my sex, that's the place it goes

Her breasts are in my hands. I cannot see. I cannot see, but I can feel. I can feel her breath, feel her breathing against me. The space is small, there are objects in the way. "Back." I do not understand. "Back seat." She is telling me something I can't understand. I rip the fabric of her blouse and feel her breathing catch. My hand is under her skirt and I feel her sex open to me past the boundary of cloth. I rip away that boundary and clutch my swollen sex. She reaches down behind her and suddenly we are prone. For a moment my vision returns, and I see the insides of a car. She is below me, and in that moment I balk. Her eyes are so clear. So clean. I am unclean. I am not clean. I am unworthy of her eyes. I am too filthy from my life.

"Don't stop, Heero. Please."

This time you've gone too far

This time you've gone too far

This time you've gone too far

I told you. I told you. I told you. I told you.

I can't. I can't. This is too much. I can't. "I can't remember, Relena. I can't remember. I don't know anything else. I only remember killing. I only remember killing."

I am pinned above her, caught in her gaze. Her hands on my face once more. "You have more. You are more in your heart than killing. You have given life, Heero. You saved us all. You are free now. There is more. There is more than this, Heero. I know there is. I believe there is more. But I cannot find it without you. Please, Heero. There has to be more."

Gently, gently, gently I lower myself to her. I am not alone. I am not alone anymore.

I'm digging in the dirt

Stay with me I need support

I'm digging in the dirt

To find the places I got hurt

To open up the places I got hurt

Digging in the dirt

To find the places we got hurt