Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ So This is Love ❯ I Wanted it to be You ( Chapter 6 )

Okay okay so I still don't own gundam wing, and I don't own "My Worst Habit" by Rumi, as translated, (as usual) by the fabulously talented Coleman Barks. (this poem can also be found in "The Essential Rumi", along with many many other amazing poems.)

I know I've been writing slower lately, but there's a reason for this…I NEED SLEEP!!! I'm working a heck of a lot, and two days a week I'm pulling fifteen hour shifts, not including the two hours of driving! It's hard, and by the end of the weekend I'm exhausted, but it's worth it, I think, because I don't like not being busy.

At the moment, I have WAY too many stories running, and I promise to finish them all, though I'll be completing the ones that are closest to completion first, and for those of you reading, "So This is Love", consider yourselves lucky! This fic is the first on the list! Yay! Yippeee!!! I'm guessing at about eight chapters at the moment, but it might be nine depending on where I decide to break this chapter.

K-chan, yes I realize there is some considerable ooc in here. *shrugs* What can I say? I didn't think it was bad enough to mention it in my summary, but it IS there and I know it. Part of the reason for that is that I've very rarely written Trowa in more than a bit part, so I'm not entirely familiar with him. Any ooc on Relena's part is primarily because, I like her, but, sometimes she annoys me (like when she constantly repeats Heero's name). I dunno. Wufei and Heero both seem very out of character to me, and I'm not wholly sure why that is. For Wufei's part though, he acts Wufei-like around everyone else, just, not Heero so much, if that makes any sense at all, which, as I think of it, it probably doesn't. Heero. . . Well, I don't think I really have any excuse for Heero. Well, whatever, sorta too late to do much about it now since the story's only about 2-3 chapters shy of done. Thanks for the thoughts though, I also thought there was some ooc, but wasn't positive, and the constructive criticism is appreciated.

"jeez! Possessive much Heero?" LOL! Wren, when you say things like that, how can I NOT give you little personal notes in my rants! You're reviews really make me smile and giggle, and I appreciate them a lot. They just make it all seem worth doing, even if it IS just fanfiction. (Also, thank you for your review-ish thingy on `War of the Burning Roses'. I don't know what I'll do with it once I've finished it, but when the time comes, I will note it on my webpage, in the updates section, and after chapter three on the story's page. At the moment, I am considering reevaluating my other site and using it for rants and original works. But I don't know yet. Anyways, thanks a lot on that, that particular story has been depressing me for quite a while now. The working title (I've written out a few notes so I don't forget the general idea when I do try to tackle it.) is "Tyrras Wing" at the moment, but that's subject to change.)

Anyways, uh. . . uhm. . . wow, that babble ran out of juice all of a sudden, no winding down just, line of thought, out the window. WOOT! *blinks* So, here's chapter six.

~~~

"So this is Love"

by: Banshee Puppet

Chapter Six: I Wanted it to be You

~~~

"My Worst Habit"

My worst habit is I get so tired of winter

I become a torture to those I'm with.

If you're not here, nothing grows.

I lack clarity. My words

tangle and knot up.

How to cure bad water? Send it back to the river.

How to cure bad habits? Send me back to you.

When water gets caught in habitual whirlpools,

dig a way out through the bottom

to the ocean. There is a secret medicine

given only to those who hurt so hard

they can't hope.

The hopers would feel slighted if they knew.

Look as long as you can at the friend you love,

no matter whether that friend is moving away from you,

or coming back toward you.

~~~

Wufei tossed Relena one of his more empathetic glares as he buttoned the white shirt at his throat. It almost seemed apologetic, and Relena wasn't quite sure what to make of it.

He opened the door slowly, cringing when Sally said his name tersely. "Wufei."

"What is it, woman?"

"If you go to him now, don't come back here next time you need to be patched up."

Wufei was glad his back was to the women so they couldn't see the slight devastation in his expression, lips pressed into a thin line, throat closing off for a moment, he shut his eyes and took a small breath. He opened his eyes and let his tongue dart quickly out over dry lips before saying evenly, "goodbye Sally." It was a normal tone, but for Wufei Chang, who was accustomed to rage and anger, it seemed almost a whisper, too calm for how he really felt as he gently closed the door behind him.

`So this is it. No turning back. She won't forgive you for this, Chang. Sally will never forgive you. But you made your choice, and you didn't choose her.' Fact was, he knew all along that if it came down between the woman he desired and his best friend. . . well, it was a choice he had made a long time ago. "I'm sorry Sally," he whispered to himself as he eased into Nataku's cockpit. "But you just don't understand. It was wrong, what he did, I'm not saying it wasn't, but, who does he have, except for me?"

No one. The answer was-no one. He had thought he had Relena, or could, but that illusion was long gone now. Wufei took a deep breath. He didn't need love, not really. Craved it, maybe, just as anyone would crave it; he WAS human, after all, contrary to popular belief. But he had had it once, or something resembling it, with Meiran, and he could live his life without ever having it again, if he had to. But Heero's friendship, Heero's respect, those were things he didn't want to live without. He was such a different person, before meeting Heero Yuy, and looking back, he was fairly certain of one thing-he liked himself better the way he was now.

And so, his decision. For better or for worse, he would always choose Heero. He just. . . had to. If they were any closer, they would be brothers, and emotionally, that's probably exactly what they were. So, once again, Wufei bid farewell to love, but this time, without tears and with only a little bit of sorrow and remorse in his heart. `This is what I have to do. But damnit Yuy! Of all the STUPID, RECKLESS, SELF-ABSORBED STUNTS TO PULL!!!'

"I am SO going to kick your ass for ruining my time off," Wufei said this last part aloud, and then, on second thought, made a fairly important, informational call.

"Wufei?" the green-eyed pilot looked at him in confusion. It wasn't like Wufei to contact him out of nowhere like this.

"Your mission is almost complete?"

"Yes. I was writing the report when you called," Trowa answered. "Something wrong?"

"Your woman is with Sally," he replied flatly. "You should. . . go to her."

He was about to hang up when Trowa stopped him with a startled pain in his expression that Wufei had never seen there before.

"What happened?" It was more of a demand than a question, and lacking in all of Trowa's usual blankness. So it was true, Wufei thought, Trowa really did love her. Well, good for them. They deserved to be happy, after all they'd gone through.

A scene replayed in Wufei's mind. He'd just gotten off the phone and went to get his shirt out of the other room where Sally had just received Relena. And he, rather by accident, overheard the younger woman say, "Sally, please don't tell Trowa about this."

"She doesn't want you to know," he answered not quite flatly enough to convince Trowa that Wufei was just-being Wufei-before unceremoniously hanging up on pilot 03 and continuing on his way as if the conversation never occurred, reflecting back only momentarily, and saying softly, "but you have a right to know, Barton. If you love her, then you have a right to know." `I just hope you're more level-headed than I would be in your situation. But if you're not, you should know. . .' He spoke the last part of his thought aloud, determination in obsidian eyes. "I'll protect Heero. I have to, really."

~~~

Trowa had been in an awful mood during his mission. He actually almost pitied Oz for having to fight with him when he was busy pouting and trying to get things over with as quickly as possible so that he could get back to Relena soon. He really was a tad unbearable when he was away from her, and glad this was a solo mission, because if it wasn't, he'd probably be making Quatre's life miserable right now, and, God forbid his being paired up with Duo, whose insipid cheerfulness would DEFINITELY not help anything. He'd even managed to annoy himself with his current case of one-track-mindedness.

He blinked at Wufei's, as always, abrupt way of saying goodbye, which actually felt quite a bit like being hung up on in the middle of a conversation. But that wasn't what concerned him just now, he sent off a quick preliminary report, vowing to write the rest a bit later. . .as soon as he saw Relena and found out that she was alright. `If Heero did anything to her, so help me!!!' his mind seethed.

~~~

"Yuy." The word was clipped. Ooohhh, boy, Wufei was mad. Wufei was really mad. Seething, actually. Heero was sure that if his friend was a cartoon character, there would be steam coming out of his ears and a vein popping out of his forehead. Oh, wait. There WAS a vein popping out of his forehead. But still, he, he actually. . .

From his spot at the foot of the bed, Heero stared wide-eyed at Wufei for a moment before saying, "you came."

Wufei was about to say something sarcastic when he saw the broken blue eyes staring up at him and he found he just. . . couldn't. "I said I would," he said flatly. He wanted to be mad, really mad. He wanted to kick Heero's ass, but with the Japanese boy looking this, well, frankly, PATHETIC, he found his initial anger quickly dissipating, and the fact that he wasn't as mad as he should be made him angry, and confused.

"I know what you said, Wufei," Heero stated blandly. Wufei was true to his word, he'd almost forgotten that.

A long silence passed between them and Wufei let out an irritated breath as he sat down beside the other boy, resting his elbows on his knees.

It was a good five minutes that they sat there before Wufei spoke again. "Heero, you moron." He leaned his head back against the bed. "What were you thinking? Were you even thinking at all?"

"I. . . no, not really," Heero admitted.

Wufei's lips pressed into a thin line and Heero thought he was going to yell when all of a sudden, the Chinese pilot's shoulders started shaking. Was he? He was. . .

Unable to hold it back any longer, Wufei burst into a fit of laughter. "You're hopeless, Yuy," he chuckled. "Totally and irrevocably hopeless!" He couldn't seem to stop laughing and wasn't sure why. The whole situation just seemed so completely. . . bizarre, and perfectly natural at the same time.

Heero stared at him in disbelief for a long moment, and then, taking in the image of a near-hysterical Wufei, couldn't help but laugh as well. After a minute or so of this, when he was able to speak again, between gasping chuckles, he spoke. "Wh-why are you laughing?"

Wufei's laughter died down to a slight chuckle and he asked. "Why are you?" he half-teased, half-demanded.

"Because you are," Heero answered flatly. "It's. . .contagious."

"Well," Wufei said slowly, sobering, "I haven't got any idea why I'm laughing at all."

This made the boys laugh again, a bit, but it wasn't long before a companionable silence overtook them, but the silence tensed as the situation came back to them.

"Relena went to Sally's," Heero said frankly.

"Yes. I saw her there. We should leave soon, before she returns."

"Sally must be pretty mad, huh?" Heero said, thinking of his friend's crush on the lady doctor.

Wufei was silent for a long moment.

"Wufei?"

"She won't forgive me this time," he answered blandly. "But I made my choice. We all made our choices. And now we have to live with the consequences."

Heero was silent for a long moment, thoughtful, then nodded.

"What are you going to do?" Wufei asked finally.

"About Relena?"

"About Trowa."

"Aah. I don't know." Heero paused for a long moment, thinking back. Trowa had saved his life once, respected him quite a bit, at a certain point in time. And Heero knew, even if one was to forget Relena, he had betrayed a trust tonight. "Once," he said carefully, deliberately, "I told Trowa that the only way to live a good life was to act on your emotions, but I don't think he'll forgive me for this. I'm not sure what I'll do, or what he will. But if he wants me dead, then, well, my life is really the only thing I have to give him. I'm not expecting forgiveness, Wufei. I've done too much already in life to believe that I can ever be forgiven."

"We all have. Trowa is no different and you know it," Wufei scolded.

"No," Heero said steadily. "Trowa is different, Wufei. He really is. His heart is still. . . intrinsically innocent, since he hasn't used it in such a long time."

`That compliment was almost an insult,' Wufei noted mentally. `He may be right, but, even so, I'd rather see Trowa's innocence taken away, then let Heero be hurt any more than he already is.' He shook his head at himself. `Chang, you make less sense every day, I swear.'

He stood abruptly, saying, "we'd better get going. I know of a quiet place, well-hidden where we can go for a while," and he holding out his hand for the other boy.

`At first, I respected you because you were strong. I thought that was all it was. When did our friendship become something more than that? If I think logically, I know that protecting you, like I've decided to do, really goes against everything I believe in. I should fight you to determine who was right, or not get involved at all. When did you're friendship become more important to me than even my sense of justice is? I don't remember.'

Heero stared for a long moment, and finally, allowing himself to depend on someone, took Wufei's hand and stood.

The boys stared at one another for a moment, each lost in their own thoughts, before, finally, Heero said, "lead the way."

~~~

"Trowa!"

Relena was torn. She wanted to see Trowa very badly, but at the same time, she didn't want him to see her like this. The large purplish bruise on her arm was exposed under the thin white tank she borrowed from Sally, it being far too warm for the sweatshirt she had put on tonight in her haste. Her wrist was badly sprained and wrapped and the slightly swollen black eye, she was sure, made her look oh-so-attractive at this particular moment.

Trowa, on the other hand, was just. . .swollen. His chest felt swollen with pain and what he could only assume was love. And anger. If he saw Heero now, he didn't know that he wouldn't try to hurt his fellow pilot. In fact, he was fairy certain that is exactly what he would try to do.

Wordlessly, he scooped her up into his arms and held her there for a long time. There were so many things to say, and none of them were enough. "I missed you," he whispered to her finally, inhaling the scent of her hair.

Relena burrowed her head into his shoulder to try and keep the pain at bay. She wouldn't cry, refused to cry, really, but she wanted to cry. Her body wanted to cry. When she was awakened with a kiss this past night, she had hoped it was him. She had wanted it to be Trowa coming back from his mission, and stopping by to see her and let her know he was back before going to his room to rest after a long flight. She had wanted Trowa to give her that slight smile he had and tell him, "welcome home." And she wanted her arms to be a home to him. She wanted to believe they could be.

"I wanted it to be you," she said softly, a barely there whisper.

"Hmn?" he didn't understand, didn't fully know yet what had happened between herself and Heero.

"When he. . . kissed me. I. . ." she stumbled over her words as realization flashed behind green eyes. "I missed you too," she replied.

Pain and sorrow flashed across his expression. Heero had kissed her. Had kissed his girlfriend as if it was a perfectly normal thing to do. His mind wondered when Relena had become his girlfriend, since such a thing was never said aloud, but, the way they were now, there was no doubting it. He didn't think about the term. It just felt natural, something he never thought was possible.

A million emotions flashed through Trowa's eyes as he stared at Relena silently, and she read them all. Hurt. Anguish. Pain. Sorrow. Anger. Love. Yes, she was sure of it. This was love. As his slender fingers shook slightly and he pushed her hair behind her ear, touching her face gently, rubbing a calloused thumb over her cheekbone, she knew, THIS was love. And then he kissed her. It was a gentle kiss, not passionate, really, but warm and needy and gentle.

"I wish it was me," he told her softly as he pulled back, resting his forehead on hers. I wish I'd returned before he could do this to you. And I wish he'd never done it. And I wish he was here so I could hurt him for hurting you. I don't want to feel that way about him, because he's a comrade and we need him, but I really do, Relena. I want to hurt him for causing you pain. I've. . . I've never felt quite this way before. I just want to be near you, but also, I want. . . to protect you. From this sort of thing, from everything, really."

Relena's pulse was throbbing. He'd been open, sweet, but also, he'd never been so open with his words before either, and she loved it when he was.

"Trowa. Please. Take me home. Let's go home," she whispered.

An overwhelming joy came to Trowa when she said that, though in his eyes, it looked most like confusion mixed with some strange sort of relief. `Home,' he thought. `I never thought I'd have one. Never imagined it could be possible.'

"Alright," he answered, leaving an arm around her waist as she got up. "Let's go home," he replied. "Together."

~~~

Alrighty then! There's another chapter down. The next chapter will have a lemon in it (I hope it doesn't suck, I've never tried to write one before, really.), and then there will be one, possibly two more chapters after that to wrap things up. Hope you're enjoying the story so far! It's winding down and won't be much longer now. I won't be starting another GW fic immediately afterwards, but be assured, I WILL be writing more GW fics as soon as I get some of my other fics finished. Two Inuyasha fics, one very long FF8 fic. . . those are the main ones that need to get finished. I have GW ideas though, so I will definitely be acting upon them soon. Uhm. . . until next time. Happy Haunting.

~Banshee Puppet~