Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ So This is Love ❯ A Full Tank of Gas ( Chapter 8 )

Okay, so I believe there will be one more chapter after this one. I wanted to at least resolve Heero a bit, so there'll be a bit more of an ending after that lemon than I initially intended. And this chapter will focus primarily on Heero and Wufei.

I do not own Gundam Wing, and I do not Own "Kansas" by Naobi Shihab Nye, as found in her book "Words Under the Words."

I know, I've gotten through almost this entire story with only Rumi, and technically I still could, but when I thought about inspiring myself for this chapter, I thought, "what is a great poem about friendship?" and this poem came instantly to mind. Out there in this vast world there are a few amazing poems that really tackle the subject wonderfully, without having them misconstrued as poems about love, and Nye has done it with "Kansas" and made it look easy to boot. It is one of the two poems that I read for the first time and thought, "I have GOT to send this to D!" The other was "A Boquet" by Bei Dao. There are just some bonds in life that are so strong that you can't call them anything but "friendship" and even that is tragically insufficient. It's a relationship that goes beyond words and loving and straight to the way you live. Those friendships are so much about simple existence, because you can't remember a world before you knew that person, and you're fairly sure you don't want to. It's easy to mistake that for "love" as we take it in a traditional, romantic sense when you try to write it down, because it's so altering, so imperative, and so much bigger than even love is that trying to tie it down with words and not hear anyone say "this is a love poem" and cheapening it like that is a difficult task. In my life so far, I've been lucky enough to have three friends who I regard as so important to me that I simply don't want to imagine life without them at all, and that is the type of relationship I'm hoping to convey between Heero and Wufei in this chapter (hope I can pull it off.) So, in that respect, this chapter is dedicated to D, Mike, and Sophie. My salvation, my laughter, and my kindness. You guys are more important to me than you know, I swear. (And saying that would be considered extremely mushy if it wasn't entirely likely that none of the three mentioned parties will ever read this! *grins* Ah, the ways I keep my reputation in tact, seriously, haha.)

Anyway, thanks again to my reviewers, and on with the story!!!

~~~

"So This is Love"

by: Banshee Puppet

Chapter Eight: A Full Tank of Gas

~~~

"Kansas"

Driving across the center of Kansas

at midnight, we're talking about

all our regrets, the ones we didn't marry,

who married each other, who aren't happy,

who should have married us.

Ah, it's a tough world, you say,

taking the wrong road.

Signposts appear and vanish, ghostly,

ALTERNATE 74.

I'm not aware it's the wrong road,

I don't live here,

this is the flattest night in the world

and I've just arrived.

Grain elevators startle us,

dark monuments

rimmed by light.

Later you pull over

and put your head on the wheel.

I'm lost, you moan. I have no idea where we are.

I pat your arm.

It's alright, I say.

Surely there's a turn-off up here somewhere.

My voice amazes me,

coming out of the silence,

a lit spoon,

here,

swallow this.

~~~

They hid their Gundams in a thickly forested area, abandoned save for the occasional bird or beast, and Wufei explained simply, "sometimes I come here to think."

It was a confidence he was sharing and Heero knew it, a private place for the Chinese pilot and he was grateful that Wufei trusted him enough to share it with him.

Silently, Wufei led Heero to a small cave and uncovered, to Heero's surprise, an old jeep. "We'll have to get some supplies. The town isn't far," Wufei told him simply, pulling a key out from where it had been taped beneath the spare tire. It was dusty from lack of use, but other than that, no worse for wear, and it had a full tank of gas. It took two attempts to spark the engine and get the motor running, but this didn't seem to surprise Wufei in the slightest as Heero sat in the passenger seat, awestruck. The Chinese pilot was always prepared for anything.

It was times like this when Wufei's profile looked almost old. His smooth skin, cast in shadow, brought out an innate sorrow in his eyes, a sorrow that was all to evident when he was not covering it up with harsh edges, torn between apathy and anger.

Wufei was known to be explosive, but never had he shown anyone the side that Heero saw now, a softness, sadness, as he backed out of the cave and started down a barely there road to a destination whose specifics Heero could only guess at.

Heero wasn't sure what to say. He knew that something had to be said, but, quite frankly, he was at a loss. And after some time, quite suddenly, Wufei spoke. "The reason I call my Gundam Nataku, is to honor my wife," he informed Heero, sounding rather matter-of-fact about it, as if he'd been asked. "It was an arranged marriage, but I loved her very much. She was very stubborn, and strong. But I realized my feelings too late. You also, took too long in your decisions. No one can be blamed for that, but you."

Heero knew it was true. He nodded. "I didn't realize," he answered in regard to the new knowledge Wufei had imparted on him. "What about Sally?"

"What about her?" Wufei asked, almost casually. "Meiran will always hold the place closest to my heart. Having had love, if I never have it again, I don't suppose I'll be any worse off for it." He shrugged slightly. "I am. . .fond of Sally, but I made my choice."

Heero nodded, thinking back. "I only ever loved Relena," he said finally. "That's why. . .do you think she'll forgive me, Wufei? Eventually?"

Wufei nodded, smiling sadly. "She's a strong woman with a gentle heart. I think you need to worry more about Trowa. You hurt something he loves. It's easier to forgive an injury on oneself than on that which one holds dear."

Heero nodded, and silence followed as Heero watched the trees roll by and Wufei drove. Hours passed, nothing needed to be said. It was always a long road ahead, when the door opened to an unforeseen future. Minutes passed this way, hours, and Wufei occasionally looked at the gas gauge and furrowed his brow. Heero got a very certain impression and finally, softly, asked, "Wufei?"

"I. . . know the way, but. . .it has just been. . .so very long," Wufei said slowly. "We're lost, Yuy. I haven't got a clue where we are. I thought maybe if we just kept going, then maybe, but it's no use. This forest. These trees, none of it looks familiar. That small village. Perhaps it no longer exists. Perhaps it never really existed in the first place. I just. . .don't know."

"How much gas have we got left?" Heero asked, cutting through Wufei's musings and worry.

"A quarter tank," Wufei answered flatly. Not enough to get back to where they started. Maybe not enough to get to where they were headed, or anywhere of import, but that, was left to be determined.

"Then let's keep looking," Heero said, giving a soft, reassuring smile to Wufei's startled eyes. "We'll find it." His words startled him as well, something had passed between the two, at that moment, and Wufei turned the key and began driving again, destination unknown.

"Why?" Wufei asked, not really knowing what he meant either.

But Heero just touched his friend's shoulder briefly and said softly, "because I believe in you. And because, I know, deep down, you also, believe in me. I've decided, if that's all that there is to this life, then it's enough, as long as you're with me, I'll be alright. But still I. . .want to apologize to Relena, and to Trowa as well, for sake of justice, if nothing else." He smirked slightly, reminding Wufei of his ideals, that was something he never thought that he would do.

"It would be the right thing to do," Wufei answered, and, for the second time in a very short while, he found himself laughing for no reason at all. And as Heero began laughing with him, the Japanese pilot knew, without any reason or justification, that they were going to be okay, that it didn't matter if he was forgiven or not, and that, perhaps someday, he would find love again, but if he didn't, it didn't really matter, not really, as long as he always had this night, this moon, this open road, and Wufei's totally illogical laughter.

~~~

okay, so there's another chapter. No Trowa and Relena in this one, because I really felt that something like this was necessary to resolve Heero's end of things a bit, since, whether he was a jerk through most of the story or not, you really DO want to feel bad for him! One more chapter after this to wrap it all up. Relena, Trowa, an apology and what happens because of it. *wonders what's gonna happen in the last chapter* Anywhoo. . . love it? Hate it? R&R and let me know.