Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Somewhere I Belong ❯ No Matter What ( Chapter 9 )

Author: Arithion/Arithkenshin

Email: arithkenshin@yahoo.co.uk

Title: Somewhere I belong

Archives: http://www.goldenyaoihuggle.com/welcomepage.htm , http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/ under Arithkenshin

Pairings: 1x2, 3x4x5, S+U

Warnings: Angst, self-mutilation, Yaoi, Psychological, Drama, Action, Suspense, Romance, LEMON!!! NC17(this chapter)

Disclaimer: Not mine already! Stop rubbing it in.

Summary: Sequel to Some Way Back. How will Duo deal with the things of the previous eighteen months? How will the others deal? Why are otherwise healthy children dying? When everything else seems forsaken, can hope pull you through?

Notes: *glomp* CYT…. She knows why!

^^ encases song words^^

#*# scene change

~#~ flashback

~~**~~ end of chapter

~encase self reflective thought~

Somewhere I Belong: No Matter What

Duo left the house, not really knowing how to feel or how to react, but somehow not able to do anything but pay attention to the last words Trowa had spoken to him. They rang in his ears. "Everyone deserves a second chance."

Kicking a stone down the rather ornate driveway, he got a sense of perverse satisfaction as it nicked the new machine that he was fairly certain belonged to Heero. Of course, that swell of satisfaction was over almost as soon as it hit. He shoved his hands in his pockets and hunched his shoulders. "Define deserve… someone please." And that was the thing when he thought about it.

Getting into his borrowed car, he shimmied a little to fish the keys out of his pocket before pulling out of the drive and letting his thoughts return to where he still didn't really want them to be. Heero.

He hadn't been expecting him to be there. Hell, he hadn't actually expected that his friends would go behind his back and be civil to Heero. Duo thought that the others had been just as hurt by Heero as he had.

It was a toss up whether he should feel ashamed at himself for feeling like that, or if he should realise that he was being a teensy bit selfish and that there was no way the others had been affected by Heero's stunt the same way.

Fiddling with the radio knob, Duo searched for a channel to soothe him, rather pissed at himself that he had forgotten to take any of his music-discs with him, but then he hadn't really planned on going over to his friend' house that night. After a couple of station changes, he gave up. It was eerie… ironic really, three stations playing the same damn song. Maybe it was trying to tell him something. As usual he couldn't resist singing along with it.

How the hell did we wind up like this
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Lets rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a Hollywood horror

Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will

Someday, somehow
gonna make it alright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)

He sighed, turning off the radio and deciding that that direction of thinking was not going to be helping him right then and there. The words to the song were ringing true in his head, and it made him hurt. Duo was sick of hurting, sick of being hurt; for once, he just wanted to hurt someone back, make them pay for everything that he had ever been through. But did anyone really deserve that?

It wasn't that he felt sorry for himself; it's just that he figured out that he was somehow the perfect recipient for any of the premeditated crappy situations the world decided to dish out.

The thing was that Duo never blamed anyone, he just accepted the crap that got dished out to him and took it as his lot in life. It didn't mean he was indifferent to it, it didn't mean that he liked it; it just meant he was used to it.

Now, he rationalised, that was then. The whole 'Heero got a hole ripped in his chest' incident was damn different. That was something that he could and would pin blame on someone for. Namely on Heero, and he was damned if he would give Heero the satisfaction of winning him back easily.

A steely glint appeared in Duo's eyes as he gripped the steering wheel with determination. It was the look that had caused Habito to shrink away from him; that had caused anyone in his way to run from him. It was a look that he hadn't had for a long time. Finally resigning himself to the fact that Heero was alive, and that his own stupid feelings for Heero weren't going to listen to reason and hate the guy with a passion, Duo had come to a decision.

Barely audible, he spoke softly to himself; the determination in his voice would have made anyone pale. "If Heero Yuy really wants me back, he is going to have to put in one hell of an effort."

#*#

Heero saw the car drive away and frowned. Turning on his heel he pushed passed Wufei and made his way to the front door, only to find Trowa and Quatre blocking his path.

"Don't, Heero." It was all Trowa had to say; the tone of the words and the weight behind them deflated Heero a little.

Balling his hands into fists at his side, the Japanese man's face pinched in a frown. "I need to… to apologise. I…" he searched for the words. "He… Oh damn it!" His knuckles were getting white. "I know the words, why the fuck can't I say them?"

Quatre smiled a little. "Well, you just said 'fuck.' "

That didn't seem to make Heero feel any better. "Even you'd said fuck by the end of the war, Quatre. It's him, he …he rubs off on you." Heero's voice had calmed a little, leaving the last that he spoke sounding a little forlorn and lost. Shaking his head, Heero fetched his coat.

"I'm going Quatre, Trowa, Wufei. Thank you all, but I… just… I need to go right now."

"You don't have to go Heero, we don't require that you go." Wufei didn't know if it was safe to let Heero go, he had no idea where the other man was intending on going.

The steely mask slipped over Heero's face as he set it in indifference. "Don't worry Chang. I am not stupid enough to follow Duo. I have no intention of being that foolhardy right now, don't concern yourselves."

Abruptly he turned on his heel and let himself outside, long strides taking him to his bike, where he absently noted a slight scratch. To be honest though, he didn't give a shit. He needed to get some of his aggression out. Actually, needed to get a lot of his aggression out. Revving the bike, he shot off, paying no attention to the required speed limit and frankly not giving a shit if he was pulled over or not. Heero was feeling reckless.

Letting the wind run through his hair as he tore down the deserted motorway, Heero could suddenly understand why it was that Duo had always insisted that the risks were worth riding without a helmet. For the first time in a very long time, Heero felt as if something could take all the confusion inside him away and make him feel free.

Ignoring the bite of the winter wind, he wove his way along the roads, occasionally passing other cars, but all in all he felt alone, at peace and free. It cleared his mind and made him gain perspective, allowing him to see things in a logical light. It allowed him to process the actions and thoughts that were causing his confusion and deal with them.

He felt free.

Not quite aware of how long he had been driving, Heero was surprised when he caught a whiff of salt on the wind. ~The beach?~ Knowing that they'd never been all that far from it, he hadn't realised that he had come such a distance. The fact that the wind in his hair had helped him made Heero eager to try something else.

Duo always said that he could think better when watching the stars, and Heero knew he loved the beach. Parking the bike Heero jumped off it, glad that his coat was warm, and made his way out onto the beach. Finding a semi-flat rock jutting out over the breaking waves, he sat himself on it. Knees pressed up to his chest and arms hooked around them, he looked out over the waves in the light of the stars and appreciated, truly appreciated, their beauty for the first time.

Every other time, he had been with Duo. Every other time his attention had been diverted by Duo. A smile crossed Heero's face, a much easier task to perform when there was no threat of anyone observing him. A memory nudged at him, begging to be recalled, and he let it… a soft sigh escaping his lips as he remembered a summer's night a few years ago.

~#~

The day had begun rainy, and Heero had struck a bargain with Duo. Frankly, Heero thought he was getting a great deal; he got to ravish Duo in exchange for later being dragged to the beach. The ravishing was something he was definitely prepared to pay for, no matter what.

However, they spent a lot more time with Heero ravishing Duo than had been originally intended. Lying in his lover's embrace, a lazy smile on his face, Duo leaned in, kissing the man gently. "Hey Hee…" Another kiss landed on Heero's nose, causing the man in question to blush slightly at the sign of very obvious affection.

A slight sigh passed Duo's lips as he turned around a little, stretching himself and thereby showing a tantalizing view of flesh for Heero to look at. Just as Heero was about to take advantage of said display, Duo jumped up and ran to the window.

"Oh My God! Heero! Look, it's perfect. The rain's gone." He chuckled a little and pointed. "How poetic, there's even a rainbow!"

Propping himself up on one elbow, Heero smiled at his lover. "Guess that means you want to go to the beach?"

"Oh you bet! You did promise!" And he dashed into the bathroom, chattering absently as he did so.

Heero loved it when Duo was in such a good mood. The therapy was helping and although he didn't actually speak the words, Heero tried to show Duo in every action that he could, how very proud he was of the chestnut haired man. "Yes, I guess I did promise."

Despite his reluctance to get out of the warm bed that smelled of sex, Heero smiled and stood up to get dressed. He knew that it would be worth it to see Duo go swimming, to see Duo let loose for real, like he so rarely did.

"Ready, Heero?" A soft smile adorned the long-haired man as he looked at his lover. Gently he grabbed Heero's head and pulled him down for a kiss that left them both breathless. "The picnic should be ready for us to take with us. Let's go, I am so hungry! Someone worked up my appetite." Suggestively swinging his board short clad hips, Duo laughed as he led the way out of the room.

Apparently however, Duo wasn't all that hungry. When they arrived at the beach, it was late afternoon, and most people were packing to go home. They set their blankets down, along with the picnic basket, and Duo proceeded to drag an only slightly protesting Heero into the water with him.

And Heero let him.

It was this that intoxicated him about Duo; the other man's ability to completely charm him and make him feel… human…normal… and needed. There were other sides that Heero loved about Duo, the protective instinct that kicked up in him when Duo wasn't having a good day; the urge to deal with Duo's moods when Duo's medication wasn't kicking in properly. But most of all, he loved the way that being with Duo made him feel, because most of the time, Duo was fine… he just had bad days sometimes, like everyone.

So he let himself be dragged out into the water, where a laughing Duo splashed him, until he really didn't have any choice but to duck himself under the waves. When he came up, Duo swam over to him and attached himself to him, winding his legs around his waste and pushing his body against Heero's.

Heero gasped as Duo kissed him passionately, all thoughts of decorum flying out the window as he tasted the man he loved. It was what Heero could imagine heaven would be like, if there was such a place. Chest deep in the water, Heero lost himself in the kiss, sighing with dismay when Duo finally pulled away to get some air in his lungs.

Lust-filled violet orbs regarded him with a shy smile. "I love you Heero." And Duo kissed him again, even more thoroughly. How long they stood out there like that, Heero didn't know. All he knew was that the water made Duo almost weightless, giving him the impression that they could have stayed like that forever. He didn't realize how long they'd be out there until Duo pulled away once more, reluctance in his eyes as he rolled one of Heero's nipples with his fingers. "Guess we should go back into shore Hee-chan… It's getting a little dark."

A little startled Heero glanced around as he gently disentangled himself from Duo's limbs. Dusk had indeed begun and the beach seemed deserted. A tugging on his hand brought Heero back from his contemplation and he was soon propelled forward by Duo, who grinned evilly and whispered in his ear. "Winner gets a prize…"

It took a split second for Heero to register what Duo meant, and that was all the time that the other man needed to beat Heero to the blanket.

Eye shining with that life that Heero needed, the life that seemed to spill over, making him more than he had ever expected to be, Duo laughed at him. "I win. I claim my prize." The grin disappeared from his face as he approached his dark-haired lover, gently pushing Heero back onto the blankets and straddling his lap. Reaching into the basket he pulled out some grapes and grinned impishly. Placing one between his teeth, he leaned in so that Heero could take a bite of the other half.

A shock ran down Heero's spine, making him shiver as their lips brushed. He knew that his eyes were at least as lust-filled as the ones looking back at him from underneath chestnut bangs. They only managed another three grapes before the food was forgotten as Duo plundered his lover's mouth, teasing, tantalizing and giving; all at the same time. Soft moans escaped both of them as they lost themselves to the world, absorbed in one another.

Delicate his hands might appear, but their façade belied the strength they held. Those hands caressed Heero in ways that had the man almost begging for more. Tweaking his nipples, running sensuously down his sides, working the button at the top of his board shorts and caressing his thighs as the latter were removed. Reaching behind Duo with his own hands Heero plucked the tie off the end of the braid, soon finding himself encased in a waterfall of chestnut strands that tickled enough to heighten his already aroused state.

A small chuckle escaped Duo's throat as he moved his mouth to work on Heero's ear, suckling at the lobe, knowing the sensitive spots of his lover like he knew the interior of Deathscythe. "My turn to… ravish you… lover." The voice was deep, husky and elicited yet another moan from Heero's throat.

Those hands worked magic, somehow everywhere at once. Duo's mouth managed to do things to Heero's neck and shoulders that made Heero lose track of time, space, and, well… everything.

A gasp tore itself from Heero's throat and his eyes shot open, looking up into smiling violets. Duo moved his hips again, causing his now bared erection to rub against Heero's own.

Seizing Duo's head in his hands, Heero kissed the other youth thoroughly, making sure that Duo knew how much he was needed, how much he was wanted and how very much he was loved. Panting a little Duo drew away from the kiss, fighting to get himself back under control. A small smirk covered his face as he raised a hand and slowly shook a finger at Heero. "Nu-uh… my turn."

Heero smiled, suitably chastised, until another groan was dragged from his lips when Duo circled his hips once more.

"Gods Duo… you're going to drive me crazy."

Kissing lightly up, down and across Heero's neck and shoulders, Duo never missed a beat, his warm breath sending tingles down Heero's spine when he spoke. "Nope. We're all crazy, I'm just loving you."

So Heero surrendered to the ministrations of his long haired lover, running his fingers through the curtain that covered him, down the sides of the man driving him to distraction and groaning whenever the latter hit a particularly sensitive spot. He felt like he had fallen into a timeless abyss, like he never wanted it to stop; the sensations were something that he was addicted to, that he craved like he craved Duo.

A hand sought out his own, pressing something into it. Trying to focus his lazy eyes Heero looked at his hand and at the same time felt Duo rise to his ear and whisper to him, warm breath sending shudders through his entire body.

"Prep me, love…" The residue of those words lingered against Heero's ear, demanding it of him.

Using actions ingrained into him from their time together, Heero did just that, seeking out his lovers' entrance and slowly but surely pressing a lubed finger into him. Watching from his vantage point beneath Duo, Heero saw the slight pinch of pain that crossed the other's face before that expression settled into something like relaxed contentment.

Slowly Heero worked his finger in and out, of his lover, watching Duo slowly raise and lower himself ever so slightly, the muscles rippling in his legs as he did so, the sheer beauty that Heero could see in the moonlight making his breath catch.

A moan escaped Duo's slightly parted lips, and Heero began to work a second finger in to join the first. Again that slight look of pain crossed his lovers face before it settled into a slacker look of lust that needed to be satisfied. Steadying the slight sway that threatened Duo, Heero placed the other hand on Duo's hip, before beginning to work both fingers in and out of his lover. Knowing that he could reach a point that would almost make Duo scream with those two fingers, Heero began to pick the pace up a little, delighting in the feeling of Duo pushing back against him.

He watched Duo's expression in the moonlight, the chestnut strands somehow seeming like a silvery curtain around them, protecting them in their own little world. When his fingers hit that right spot, Duo's expression was a sight to behold, face contorting just short of ecstasy before relaxing again. It was almost enough to make Heero lose control, but he had no intention of doing that just yet.

Positioning a third finger, Heero waited a little before scooting down enough so that Duo was straddling his chest. Before Duo could react he leaned forward, taking Duo's cock in his mouth while at the same time inserting the third finger.

Duo cried out, his senses assaulted. "Shit, Heero…Augh…"

A smile crossed Heero's face, or at least, as close as he could have to a smile right about then. Slowly he worked his lover, trying to give him the same amount of pleasure, as Heero knew that Duo would shortly be giving to him.

Shortened breath could be heard above him as Duo fought for control, a thin sheen of sweat now covering Duo's thighs as he worked himself around those fingers.

"No Heero… stop… please…"

As Heero let his mouth relinquish his prize he slipped his fingers from his lover, drawing a sigh from the other man as he did so. Bending down, Duo kissed him and whispered, voice heavy with need, in his ears as he plucked the lube off the blanket. "I want to ride you… let me ride you…" The kiss was passionate, demanding and giving at the same time; fulfilling and completing… perfect.

Duo slid Heero's length inside him in one smooth movement. So suddenly was there a heat surrounding him that Heero had to close his eyes and fight for control, knowing that he had missed that moment of pain that his lover had gone through, and feeling vaguely guilty. But as Duo allowed himself to adjust he leaned forward and kissed Heero gently. "Keep me steady lover…"

Holding Duo's hips, Heero looked up at the man riding him. There was an almost ethereal quality about him in the moonlight and it was watching him like that which made Heero realise just how much he truly loved Duo, how much they had truly become inseparable; a part of each other. They moved in perfect synchronicity, the muscles in Duo's thighs rippling beautifully. Passion overcoming them, the tempo picked up, Heero raising his hips to meet his lover, tearing passionate cries from the long-haired mans throat.

On impulse Heero opened his legs wider, pushing Duo's at the same time, opening him up more, allowing for a deeper and more satisfying seat for both of them. Sitting halfway up Heero cradled Duo to him as the other's cries became more and more fervent. One hand supporting himself in that position, the other went to Duo's neglected arousal; Heero knew he couldn't hold his control much longer.

Twisting a little in just the right way, Duo let his muscles clench a little harder than normal as he screamed his release. The action actually tore a scream from Heero's throat as he lost control and emptied himself into his lover. Riding the aftershocks of their orgasms, they clung to each other, Duo cradled to Heero's chest, warmed by the afterglow.

After what seemed like an eternity, which Heero didn't want to end, Duo chuckled. "You know Heero… I love you… more than anything…" He grimaced a little, pulling back and making a comical face at his lover. "But sand just gets everywhere!"

~#~

Heero smiled at the recollection, realising that the reverie had brought him more than just memories he stood up, adjusting himself a little so as to be more comfortable. Looking up at the moon he smiled. The memories were too good, the times they had had were too great… they were inextricably linked, and there was no way he would give that up.

He knew he'd fucked up, but Duo did still love him. Heero had come to a decision that there was still hope.

Making his way back to his bike he hopped on it and sped his way home a smile crossing his face as he spoke to the moon. "I want him back. I love him. I will prove that to him, no matter what it takes."

~~**~~

Chapter Ten

YAY another chapter… little shorter than most… but hey… it's a lemon J weeeeee… oh and if you've read SWB you'll realise the reference to that particular rainy day

~Arith