Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Souls Lost and Found ❯ Lost ( Chapter 1 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

I knew that this would happen eventually; it was inevitable. And yet,
after all my attempts to ready myself, I still wasn't prepared for the
blow it dealt to me. I don't think there is anything I could have done
to help protect my heart, or rather, nothing that I would have done.

So it is my self-imposed fate to deal with this pain. Considering all
that I have done, the blood that stains my hands and soul, it is only
a fitting punishment.

But then... Why are others that have done as I have, others that have
done worse, escaping punishment? Why are many of them being rewarded?

He's left me for another. It's what he wants, so I have done, and will
do, nothing to stop him. He deserves whatever happiness he can get in
his life, and who am I to prevent him from obtaining it?

I only pray that my luck hasn't run completely dry. To survive the war
only to have to live out my life after it in loneliness... A fate
worse than death, to my way of thinking.

I'm lost now... Lost and alone...

I just want to be found.

* * * *

I walked into the room and came face to face with the very image I had
been hoping I would never see: Treize and WuFei in bed together. They
weren't doing anything; in fact, the Chinese boy was asleep. But when
I saw the look of contentment and happiness on their faces, I knew
that any chances of salvaging my relationship with Treize were gone.
He'd never looked that happy when I was with him.

I didn't make a big scene, a fact which seemed to relieve Treize
immensely. I simply gathered up my belongings, making sure to stay
quiet so as not to wake my former lover's current, and probably soon
to be permanent, partner, and left. I didn't worry about leaving
anything behind; even if I did, I knew that Treize would make sure it
got to me. It's just his way.

Home. An empty word when there's nothing there to bring back memories,
and nobody for you to make a set of new ones with. Still, `home' is
where I went; a large mansion, completely empty of anything I loved or
knew. It had been left to me by my father; the only `memory' it
brought was of him, and was not a particularly soothing one. This was
not the happy place where my family had lived together when I was a
child; this was the place where I had last been together with them
all, and I hadn't been happy with any of them. A child's temper is a
terrible, sensitive thing, and mine was no exception; I never got to
apologize to my father for being so horrible. Not a happy place. Not
happy thoughts.

But I had nowhere else to go, nobody else to turn to. I suppose that I
could have gone to Noin, but I don't want to impose on that wonderful
woman. She's happy with her current job, her current life. I don't
want to change that.

That's exactly why I'm still living there, in that sad shadow of a
home, still here after an entire month. Or, at least, my belongings
are still there. The building and its contents are still devoid of
happy memories or attachments, and does little to quell my feelings of
loneliness. Considering the way I'm constantly somewhere else, I've
concluded that I must be trying to avoid it. I'm still trying to avoid
it.

Which is why I'm traveling the colonies, one by one, doing what I can
to help at each of them. I just left L1 and am on my way to L2. I've
seen the multitude of orphanages and homeless children there, and I
want to at least help improve the conditions they live under.

* * * *

I knew it was too good to be true. I've always known it, right from
the beginning. Over time I let myself believe that maybe I was good
enough for him, just like he always told me I was. And look where
that's gotten me: into a bigger mess than before.

Imagine. I fooled myself into thinking that I was better than Relena.
Miss Queen of the World, Richer Than Everyone, Pink Limousine and
Fancy Dresses Relena!

Yeah. I run, I hide, but I never lie... Except to myself. You've
really done it this time, Maxwell. Biggest fool of them all.

At least it happened differently than I'd imagined when Heero and I
first hooked up... I always thought it would be really dramatic: He'd
come in with Relena hanging off of him, sweep her off her feet, kiss
her, and leave me crying in the background. I was right on one
account: I was left crying. Other than that, it was completely
different.

I was putting up some groceries I'd just bought when he walked into
the kitchen. I knew right away that something was wrong. He wasn't
smiling, but that was nothing unusual. It was the way he was looking
at me: the way he did when we first met, when I tried to kill him.

"Hee-chan? What... what's wrong?" I asked him hesitantly.
Incidentally, I happened to be holding a carton of eggs when I made
that inquiry.

"Duo... I'm just here to say goodbye."

"What? Goodbye?!? Where are you- Oh God. You're leaving me for her,
aren't you? You are. God, you bastard! I don't understand! If you love
her, why'd you get with me to begin with?" I shouted. My grip on the
egg carton tightened, and the lid came halfway open. Not that I
noticed at the time or anything.

"Duo, I'm sorry. You taught me to care, to realize that my feelings
shouldn't just be ignored. And once I took hold of what you were
saying, I realized that it wasn't you I wanted to be with. Not like
that. The one I truly wanted was Relena." Remorse flickered across his
face. Maybe even some guilt? I think so. At least he's gotten to where
he'll show some emotion to people he cares for. Even if he only cares
for them as a friend...

"And when did you realize that?"

"During the war. Closer to the end of it."

"WHAT?!?!? You've been in love with Relena for that long, and lied to
me about it? About everything?"

Heero sighed. "I've never lied to you about anything like that, Duo. I
always loved you. I still love you. I always will love you. I just
want to make you happy. And during the war, I had to make sure you
were happy. I didn't want you to kill yourself in a fit of depression.
But now that times are peaceful, I know that you can find someone
else..."

I laughed bitterly. "Yeah. Real easy for you to say. You aren't the
one getting dumped." The other side of the carton lid popped open.

"Duo, I'm not dumping you. I'm just changing the level of our
relationship. I was hoping that we could just stay friends."

"You want us to `just stay friends', huh? ... Yes, Heero, we can stay
friends... But I need some time away from you right now. I don't know
how long... But don't try talking to me or anything until I come to
you."

"Duo, I,"

"Just go, Heero." I could feel the tears starting to well up in my
eyes and struggled to keep my voice from wavering. As if Heero didn't
already know how I was feeling.

"Okay, Duo. I understand. But whenever you decide you're ready, just
remember that our home is open to you whenever you want to come by.
Relena doesn't really hate you, you know. She says she was just
jealous."

I somehow managed to force the slightest sliver of a smile onto my
face. "Oh, believe me, she was. With you being the one she wanted, she
was. Thanks, Heero."

"No need to thank me, Duo. Not for causing you pain. I... Goodbye,
Duo." He hesitated for a moment, as if he were trying to decide what
to do next, then turned and walked out of the apartment.

The carton fell from my suddenly useless hands. The eggs shattered
when they hit the ground, and my hold on my tears shattered with them.
I collapsed to the floor, sobbing, surrounded by egg yolks and shells.

It took me a good hour to stop crying, and it was another ten minutes
before I gathered enough strength and willpower to get up and go to my
bedroom. It was no surprise to me that all of Heero's clothes were
gone; it was only to be expected, given the situation. I was surprised
to find that he had also taken the framed picture of us together that
had been on the night-stand. In retrospect, I suppose it was a wise
thing to do; in one of my fits of depression or anger, I probably
would have broken it. Looking at the half-empty room made me want to
cry again, but I couldn't. The next thing I knew I was on the bed and
asleep.

A week passed and I still wasn't dealing with the situation much
better. I didn't know why. Another week went by. That's when I
realized that it was because the apartment was too full of memories of
Heero. More specifically, memories of Heero and I together.

I decided to leave Earth behind and go back to L2. That's always been
my real home; Heero was the one that wanted to live on Earth, and I
could never tell him no. Besides, I grew up on L2. Even with all its
cons, it still has a special place in my heart.

I've been here on L2 for almost a week now. That makes it almost a
month since Heero announced his... our... `change in relationship'.
Things are a little better, but not much. At least now I've got
something other than thoughts of Heero to occupy my mind. I'm trying
my best to help the orphanages by donating my time and what little
money I can spare.

We're supposed to be getting another helper tomorrow, and I'm supposed
to pick him up from the airport to show him around. Rumor has it that
he's rich. I don't really care if he's rolling in cash or flat out
broke; he's another pair of hands to help fix an orphanage roof or
plant a food garden for the poor. And he's a potential friend, which
makes things even better. I'm not the solitary type, ya know.

And I don't have any real friends here on L2.

* * * *

They said they'd send someone to the airport to meet me and show me
where to go. I don't know how I'm supposed to recognize him. Ah
well... I'll be all right, one way or another.

I leave the plane and enter the terminal. As I walk towards the
luggage claim center my eyes rake over the crowd, looking for anyone
approaching me specifically. I don't see anyone.

I take my luggage off of the conveyor belt as it goes past, then turn
to go towards one of the exits. A strangely familiar figure off to my
right catches my attention and I look towards it from the corner of my
eye. Nothing. Perhaps it's only my imagination?

My thoughts distract me momentarily and I bump into someone.

"Oh, pardon me, I'm so sorry. I wasn't paying attention to where I...
was... going..." I apologize quickly, trailing off at the end. I stare
for a few short moments before my manners take over.

"Duo Maxwell?" I ask incredulously.

* * * *

Oh Lord. How do they expect me to find anyone in a crowd like this?
I'm a trained terrorist, a professional assassin, a lethal killing
machine, and damn good looking to boot. I'm not a bloodhound, and I
don't have a built-in radar system!

Oh well. I'll find him eventually. My luck may not be that great
lately, but it can't be so bad that I can't find one person in a few
hours. At least, I don't think it can...

Great. To make my day even better, I just bumped into someone. It must
not be my fault since they're the one apologizing, but still...

"Duo Maxwell?" comes the stammered question. Wait, they know me? This
could be trouble. My head whips up and I stare. And stare.

"H-hai..." I manage to stutter. "Zechs? Zechs Merquise?"

~~~~~~~~~

Okay. Gundam Wing isn't mine, neither are its characters. This
wonderful anime belongs to its creator and owners and such, not to me.
Only the idea of this story is mine. So don't sue. I'm fairly proud of
this story, so please email me with any comments or criticism. I'll
even take flames at this point, if only to laugh at. Thanks.

Shadow (ShadowGal)