Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Standing in the Path of God's Tears ❯ Standing in the Path of God's Tears ( One-Shot )

Title: Standing in the Path of God's Tears

Author: Squall-sama

Disclaimer: Don't own them, don't sue me. Sunrise, Bandai and Sotsu Agency does. Also, the song I'm With You does not belong to me, it belongs to Avril Lavigne and whatever records she works with—not me, just like Gundam Wing. GOT THAT!!!?!?!?!

Pairings: 2x1/1x2

Warnings: LEMON! Angst—really sad. POV, One-shot.

Notes: This is set 5 years after Endless Waltz, so all the boys are 21, ok. I'm changing the story line a slight bit, from the end of Endless Waltz to fit this story line. So if you don't like it, too bad. Go cry to the Wambulance. I wrote this over an extended period of time, whenever I was sad or depressed or something similar to that… thus the reason for the depressing angst in this—just in case anybody wanted to know…. This is also my first songfic that I've ever written—it's a lot harder than it looks… -_-0

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

~Standing in the Path of God's Tears~

 

I'm standing on a bridge

I'm waiting in the dark

I thought that you'd be here by now…

 

As I stand here, under the heavy rain, watching the tiny droplets of water fall upon the earth and skyscrapers, with their sharp spikes piercing the sky… I can't help but remember something someone once told me…

 

When it rains… God is crying…. These tiny droplets of water… are God's tears….

 

There's nothin' but the rain

No footsteps on the ground

I'm listening but there's no sound…

 

It's been five years since I've heard that said, since I've heard that voice…. Wars passed and people died, friends became lovers, and lovers became distant memories and some things I never wanted to forget, were forgotten.

 

 

I never spoke to Heero after we saved Relena the last time; he was taken to a hospital for a concussion and fell into a light coma… for reasons the doctor never spoke of. I watched over him for a short time, but decided the best form of action would be to leave—I knew he would be safe…. There was no point in me watching over him anymore, he didn't need me to—he had plenty of people around to watch out for him and care for him… and love him.

 

I kept tabs with Quatre for a while—even Wufei at times, but I slowly started to slip from their small, but desperate attempts at keeping some sort of contact with them. I would still keep up with their lives—finding out special events or important happenings in each of their lives, secretly. It tore at my heart when I found out Quatre and Trowa got married—I wanted so desperately to be there when that happened—I always knew it would… but it was my choice to cut off all contact with my past…… no matter how dear it was to me.

 

 

After severing every last strand of connection I had with each part of my past, I left Earth, where everyone had chosen to stay, and made my way back into space—to a new colony just past Saturn's rings. Man was certainly advancing technologically. It was clean and mostly upper-class, but easy to live in and the people there didn't look at you like you carried the most dangerous disease of the century—it was quite nice.

 

Isn't anyone trying to find me?

Won't somebody come take me home…

 

I ended up settling in quite easily with the money I had… saved from fighting in the wars. Then I opened up what the locals called, `Duo's Deal'. I used to laugh every time someone called it that—though, I never did name the place so I guess that name just kinda stuck. It was basically an all around convenience, thrift, farmers market, and nick-knack shop. Anything and everything could be found in there and I prided myself in that fact… but the best part was the beneficial back-up I gave to the unfortunates within the city or anyone else who came along and needed a hand up. I called it that, but everyone knew it was charity, just a better way of saying it since I wouldn't allow that word within my store or around me.

 

I made a deal with and for anything. If you could meet it—any way—I would beat it and help you along until you found your way again. Needless to say, my customers loved me. I had the usuals, everyday people that knew me as well as I knew myself—my new self… and then I had the shy, new customers who would stagger in and blush and sputter around me, not really knowing how to act until I got their problem out of them and helped them on their way.

 

It was a great business—lots of fun. It wasn't church or an orphanage, and it wasn't really charity, no matter how much others persisted in the fact, but I still got to help people and that's all that mattered. Yet, every now and then, I would feel a distanced emotion come over me that I couldn't explain and I would have to take a few days off, go on vacation, away from all my wonderful customers and business. When I'd come back, I'd practically have a line waiting outside the door to my home and work. It always made me feel good when I saw that—it showed me that I was needed—and I needed to be needed.

 

It's a damn cold night

Trying to figure out this life…

 

Then, not too long ago, I had a young boy, no more than fourteen—fifteen at the most, come stumbling into my store—literally. He looked like he had been through Hell and back again; when I saw the way he had been abused, it made me see red and I wanted to find the bastard who had done that to the boy and kill him very slowly and very painfully. I was mad enough when I first saw the boy, but after I was able to get close enough to him to touch and clean him up, and I saw what he looked like—I was speechless and left the boy right there in my bathroom, still soaking wet and scared half-to-death.

 

What I saw, I could never put into words; I wanted to burn my eyes out and make my memories go away. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and cry and kill and hurt myself all over again. I couldn't breathe around the boy without causing enough pain to myself to overwhelm ten men.

 

For the past five years, I was able to block all memory, all thought of one, Heero Yuy, the Perfect Soldier, out of my mind… but apparently not my heart. That boy that came stumbling into my store that day, was so much an exact replica of my old partner, I had to ask him if he knew who his father was and delve deeper into his past than I had ever done with any of my other `clients'. Even though I knew it was physically and scientifically impossible for Heero to have a child five years younger than us, I still couldn't help but think there was some relation behind them.

 

Won't you take me by the hand

Take me somewhere new

I don't know who you are

But I, I'm with you…

 

Immediately I took to finding where everyone was again. I between bringing the striking boy back to health and finding a new home, school and place to work for him, I lost myself in searching for my forgotten past. I stayed up all hours of the night on the Internet, reading up on Mr. Winner-Barton's latest success or a Preventer Chang's accomplishments; calling all of my contacts and pulling every string I knew just to get a hold of Quatre again.

 

After safely securing all ties with the mysterious boy and sending him on his way, I was finally free to devote my full attention to finding the only people I'd ever called family again.

 

It took me four days to finally get a hold of one of Quatre's secretaries, then a vid-phone, some smooth talking, and that suave grace of mine to finally get the bitch to let me talk to Quatre over a vid-link. His security was better than Relena's!

 

I was so nervous as I waited for the vile woman to patch me through to her head boss, I didn't know why—I mean, I knew Quatre like I knew myself—like I knew all the Gundam Pilots… but I still felt odd. I guess after cutting off all contact with the people you care for most then suddenly popping back up out of nowhere again has it's affects on you… it's like coming back from the dead—not that I haven't done that plenty of times before….

 

I'm looking for a place

Searching for a face

Is anybody here I know…

 

Then I was suddenly face-to-face with Quatre, or, well, as face-to-face as you can be with millions of miles between you and an electronic screen projecting your image. I smiled, actually smiled when I saw Quatre pop up on the vid-phone; he still looked the same—small, fine face and clean-cut, short, blonde hair. He looked a little taller than he used to be, of course that was to be expected with five years on him—I grew almost a foot! He had lost a lot of the innocence in his features, finally growing into the man that he was. Then he spoke, his voice still kind of high-pitched, but taken on a nice alto to it.

 

“… Duo……?” He looked so much in shock as his large blue eyes widened in surprise and he covered his mouth with his long fingers. Then disappeared. My mouth dropped as Quatre fell from view of the screen, collapsing to the ground from the sound of it. I wished I was there then, I felt so bad for him, probably giving the poor guy a heart-attack. Then I heard the door open and an all-too-familiar voice shout Quatre's name. I smiled as I heard Trowa ask if Quatre was ok and what was wrong; when a weak `Duo' was mumbled from the out-of-site Quatre I suddenly saw Trowa, standing before the screen with much the same shocked expression as Quatre held moments before.

 

My smile widened when I saw the changes in Trowa, his shorter brown hair—still that one giant bang in his eye, so much more emotion in his features and his height! He was already tall but now he was monstrous! He had to have been almost seven feet tall! But he was still the same Trowa, and I was happy about that—it would have been a shame to lose anyone to a few years age. Of course, I have no room to talk… I've changed so much….

 

“Duo…?” was the only exchanged between us for a long while, both of us looking each other over as best we could over the vid-link, then he spoke again.

 

“…I—we thought something had happened to you… you're alive…” at that last word Trowa smiled—a full out smile, something I've never seen and will never forget. I nodded and laughed lightly, not knowing what to say in the awkward position I was in.

 

“How have you been, Duo? We've missed you…” I thought my composure I'd forced upon myself was going to break at the admission of them missing me—they'd never know how much that meant to me.

 

“I-I've missed you guys too. Uhh, hey, is Quatre alright down there…?” Trowa smiled as I pretended to be looking over the screen at where Quatre was. He knelt down and came back up with a dizzy looking Quatre who quickly covered his fatigue with a bright smile and tears. I took a deep breath, forcing myself to be good as Quatre broke down and told me how much they had missed me and asked why I never contacted them and all that other non-sense you blubber about after finding someone who's basically dropped off the face of the Earth—in the literal sense for me. After an extremely long conversation and a few tears finally shed, on my part, we had decided on a date that I would fly out and meet them on Earth, to stay for a while and catch up on everything I've missed in the five years we were apart.

 

`Cause nothing's going right

And everything's a mess

And no one likes to be alone.

 

I couldn't have been happier and I quickly set to finding the deeds to my beloved business and calling the only person I'd ever trust with something like this—Howard. After a few arguments and a long talk over what I was giving up, the place I'd called home longer than any other was leaving me—or, more precisely, I was leaving it to go to a new one.

 

 

And now, here I am, three days, two shuttles, and about two hundred bags of peanuts later, on Earth… staring up into the dark sky above me, now pouring rain upon myself and my luggage, though I don't care—I haven't been under real rain in almost seven years—it's nice to know that it's the real thing for once and not something artificially created. Quatre would kill me though, if he knew I was purposefully standing here, sopping wet and still standing. I smile at the thought and reluctantly headed off in the direction of my hotel. Another thing Quatre would have killed me over—not taking a taxi. Why the hell do I need one of those when I'm perfectly capable of walking there myself? Oh well, he can scold me all he wants when I get to his house tomorrow, we all know he'll force me to stay with them once I arrive… not that I'm complaining—that's fine by me, I just didn't want to deal with all the commotion and excitement after flying half way across space to get here.

 

~ * . * ~

 

“Wow, I still can't believe you're back Duo, this is so wonderful! You are staying, aren't you—I won't take no for an answer…” I smiled and nodded adding,

 

“I can't believe I'm back either—it's so good to be back with you guys…” it was really heart-warming when Wufei even smiled at my confession. I never realized how much I missed them until now…. I sighed loudly as the room went silent, my mind starting to drift towards something I wanted to hide and not speak of, not around the others, but it came out anyway—I think they were expecting it though.

 

“So, how's Heero…?” I smiled sadly as each had their own reaction to my question, Wufei visibly stiffened, pausing mid-sip, of his tea to swallow hard and stare at me blankly. Trowa looked about to say something but stopped and turned his face away from me, not wanting me to see something in it. Quatre looked on the verge of tears—I didn't understand why—had something happened? What could have possibly come about to cause these kind of reactions from the men before me…?

 

I became even more upset and worried than I was before; upset at myself, for speaking those words and worried over the fact that not a single word had been spoken of Heero since my first contact with Quatre and the others. I wanted to cry, I was so lost and confused and stressed and overwhelmed with everything that had happened in such a short period of time.

 

Isn't anyone trying to find me?

Won't somebody come take me home…

 

Heero and I had been lovers once, everyone knew that… I had even dared to fall in love with him, which is what lead me to hold the protectiveness I felt for him and then the need to leave him behind. I never knew if he loved me back or if I was just a way of relief… he never told me. So when I asked the question everyone, including myself, had been dreading, it only made the pain worse.

 

I waited for someone to answer my question, the silence painfully unnerving as we all sat there, each of them waiting for the other to answer so he wouldn't have to. It hurt… to know that my closest friends couldn't tell me something as important as this, all I want to know is where Heero is at—I don't even know what I'd do with the information—if I got it.

 

“Heero…” I look up at the word `Heero' when Quatre says it, hope in my eyes. I can see Quatre's face grow darker as I stare at him, I know he doesn't want to talk about it—but damn it, I do!

 

“Quatre, please, where's Heero? What happened to him…?”

 

“Why should you care, Maxwell? You're the one that left in the first place… and now you want to try and pick up something you broke a long time ago?” I just stare at Wufei, too shocked to do much of anything but stare. One minute he's so forlorn and the next he's yelling at me, turning this around to be my fault! What just happened here!?

 

“Whoa… wait a minute, I didn't come back to get blamed or yelled at over something I didn't do! What the hell are you talking about—I didn't do a damn thing to Heero!” I couldn't hold back the cringe as Wufei rose from his chair and stomped over, towering above me threateningly. And the worst part was that Trowa and Quatre didn't look about to move from their spots anytime soon.

 

“Duo, you baka! Think for once and maybe you'll understand!! You left Heero when he needed you the most, you ran away and didn't come back!!” Wufei seemed to calm somewhat after yelling in my face, then moved back to sit down in his chair. I watched warily as he took a deep breath and looked back up at me with eyes I'd never expect to see on a man like him.

It's a damn cold night

Trying to figure out this life…

 

“Duo, Heero loved you… and you left him behind. No matter what your thoughts or intentions were, you still left and it killed him. He went after you, Duo… he tried to find you…” I couldn't believe what Wufei had just said, suddenly my heart hurt far more than it ever had, and I'm sure, ever will. I couldn't breathe and everything became blank—I didn't see or hear or feel anything. I was just cold and completely lost.

 

I felt like I had died right then, everything seemed completely insignificant and I was void of all emotions. The one thing I had loved most, I pushed away. God! When my whole life—my whole existence had been devoted to only him—why didn't he just say it!? I loved him—I loved Heero and because I loved him so deeply, I left him—I didn't feel it was fair of me to feel that way when he—when I thought he didn't. And now I find out he did and it's my fault that I've lost him—that he's no longer around….

 

That's not possible… how could Heero have given up so easily? It's not fair!!

 

“Duo…” I looked up into Quatre's eyes, on the verge of tears and he continued in a hushed voice,

 

“… Duo… we haven't heard from Heero in over a year, he—he kept in contact with us up until then and… he just suddenly stopped talking or visiting us. We don't know where he is, we were hoping you did, but you obviously don't… Wufei has used every resource in the Preventers and Trowa and I have done all we can and then some—it's like… he just disappeared. Just like you.” for some reason that last sentence hurt more than I think Quatre was intending it to, and all I could do was stare at him like a hurt and lost little boy. Quatre seemed to sense my hopelessness and wrapped his arms around me as tight as he could.

 

Won't you take me by the hand

Take me somewhere new…

 

It felt nice to be back in someone's arms again, even if it wasn't the person I loved. The last time someone held me like that was when Sister Helen was alive… I don't think it will be happening again anytime soon either.

 

~ * . * ~

 

Five weeks later… I'm living with Quatre and Trowa—what'd I tell you? That first night I spent with them, after they told me about Heero… Quatre asked—told me to stay with them, I did. A week later I was working in the Preventers with Wufei, right by his side, which was nice—I wasn't being treated like a total insignificant moron, except when I was around Wufei. That man never really did forgive me for what… I did to Heero, but he accepts and treats me more as an equal now than he ever did during the war, which is a plus.

 

I don't know who you are

But I, I'm with you…

 

It's different, living with my old family again, nothing has changed really—it's just like it was during the war, only easier, more simple and less stressful. It's nice to be able to relax with them and not worry about being killed, maimed, or blown to Hell at any given second anymore.

 

I've slowly built my days and new life-style into a pattern over the few weeks that I've spent here on Earth too. Wufei picks me up for work everyday, we find the bad guys that threaten our peace and `punish' them. I come home—usually walk, despite Quatre's efforts at making me drive home or at least let one of the company drivers take me home, but I refuse each time—I like the exercise—I need it and the scenery isn't too bad either…. Actually, that's one of the main reasons why I walk home—I love the life and greenery where we live. It's… real. More so, alive—the plant-life on the colonies were real too, but it wasn't like it is here on Earth… this is real, true life—not artificially created life.

 

 

I tried explaining that to Quatre once, the differences between the colony's artificial creations and the Earth's own, he got it—but still shook his head saying that's not a proper reason to get myself soaked and sick over. So, here I am, standing in the middle of the park that's on my way home, in the rain. I love doing this to Quatre….

 

I sigh and tip my head back, closing my eyes as the rain falls on my face. It's been a steady downpour since this morning, but has turned into a light drizzle since I left the office about thirty minutes ago. I don't care—it's still rain…… God's Tears…. Without really paying attention, my mind drifts to Him, the few nights we spent together; to the time when He spoke those words….

 

 

After the guys told me Heero had disappeared, I devoted every waking moment to finding him. I knew if anybody was going to `bring him back from the dead', it was going to be me. Besides Heero, I had the best hacking skills out of us all… but it seemed I lost those skills somewhere about four years back, because I virtually got nowhere with the research. I didn't care though, I wasn't going to give up on finding Heero—I still haven't; every day, as soon as I'd enter the office, I would run a search on anything and everything that might be related to Heero Yuy in any way. Each time I came up empty handed… but that only leads me to believe that he has to be alive—to cover his tracks, otherwise I would have come up with something by now….

 

Oh, why is everything so confusing?

Maybe I'm just out of my mind

Yea, yea, yea…

 

 

I know I'm fooling myself, but I just can't let go… how could I? You can't just stop loving someone like that… I may have left him behind and never left any recognition of my existence with him, but that doesn't mean I stopped loving him.

 

It's a damn cold night

Trying to figure out this life…

 

 

Distantly, I hear footsteps, but pay no attention to them, it's just some crazy fool walking their poor dog in the rain…. I sigh and lean over the brick wall of the old bridge, once more depressed at where my thoughts have taken me—again, when suddenly I hear a soft voice saying something behind me.

 

“You know, when it rains… it's really God crying….” All at once my world comes to a stop… my breath coming in uneven shuddering gasps—how, how could this be possible? I'm just imagining it—that voice, those words… this can't truly be real. Just to prove a point to myself, I push away from the wall and stand up strait—wobbling slightly from the dizzy feeling that has overcome my senses, and I slowly turn around, eyes closed in disbelief and fear.

 

When I've finally turned opposite my original position, I just stand there a moment, trying to calm my breathing and compose myself. I know what I just heard, can't be real, but…. Opening my eyes very slowly reveals a pair of boot-covered feet, then black pants and the tips of a black trench coat… I slow my traveling eyes, taking in every detail of the very real person before me—so far clad in nothing but black. As I go higher, I notice the hands are hidden in the pockets of the coat, the stance is almost lazy and relaxed, then I notice the small expanse of dark caramel skin exposed just above the collar of a black tank-top and I swallow convulsively.

 

I take another deep breath and close my eyes for a moment, then open them to what I've only imagined in dreams, pictures on nights I was most lonely. He's here—he's back… he really is alive…. I close my eyes and shake my head slightly, still not believing it's true, even as a hot wetness pricks at the edges of my eyes and spills over, warming my cheeks from the colder touch of the rain.

 

“…Heero…” it's pathetic, but all I'm able to whisper as I stare back into those beautiful prussian eyes of his—they haven't changed a bit. It's odd, how I feel that pull at my heart again, the pain, like I felt before when I thought I'd lost him… I don't care though… I don't care. I force myself to whisper a few more words before anything else can happen, I just can't let go of him this time—I won't…

 

“Heero I… I'm sorry…” suddenly I feel myself falling into his arms and they wrap protectively around me, holding me just as strong as ever; he feels so much warmer than I can remember when I bury my face against his chest and begin to cry openly. I grab onto his coat as tightly as I can then, afraid that if I let go, I'll lose him again… I think he understands that as well, because his arms tighten around my weakened body.

 

Won't you take me by the hand

Take me somewhere new…

 

I close my eyes and lay my head on his shoulder, despite the fact that I'm almost a foot taller than he is. Suddenly the cold becomes very aware and forefront in my mind as Heero's body-heat warms the front of me and the rain begins to fall harder, pelting down on my back. He shifts under my weight and I'm vaguely aware of myself whimpering when he moves, afraid he's leaving again… all he does is shift me to his side and slowly starts to lead me down the bridge and away from our meeting place.

 

 

I can't remember anything from the time between my falling into Heero's arms and suddenly appearing at a door to some hotel room with the number `21' on it. I let Heero pretty much carry me inside; he closes the door and locks it then moves me through the small living room to an even smaller bedroom and gently deposits me on the surprisingly comfortable mattress. I stare up at him as he pulls away, he just stares back down at me with the strangest expression—it's not angry or upset or sad, or entirely happy either, it's just… neutral. But I feel a small smile pull the corner of my mouth as I realize it's not the same emotionless mask he always wore so long ago either—he looks so… human now—so alive….

 

I had to say something—I felt so stupid and so wrong for all the harm I'd caused Heero; he just continued to stare at me though, he looked so… wise and kind, which only made me feel worse.

 

“Heero, I…” before I could say anything more, he placed a finger on my lips, shushing me silently. I stopped and stared up at him, conveying my feelings with my eyes—like I always did… Heero stared at me a moment more and slowly leaned over, replacing his finger with those luscious lips of his—they never changed—thank God…. I finally let myself go and gave up… closing my eyes and wrapping my arms around Heero's, still petite, waist.

 

I smiled into our first kiss we've shared in over five years as Heero leans into my embrace and lets me pull him down onto the bed. When we part for air, Heero is still watching me with the same expression he's held since we met on the bridge…. I frown slightly and start to grow worried, wondering if he didn't really come back for this… for me. The worry I felt must have shown in my eyes because Heero slowly brought a small hand up to my face and cupped my cheek within it, gently rubbing the pad of his thumb over my lips. I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch, sighing; I'd never felt such tenderness from him before—not from Heero—even during our love sessions, he never touched me in a caring way.

 

I don't know who you are

But I, I'm with you…

 

I didn't want it to stop though, being the greedy bastard that I am… so I push past his hand and lay my head down on that strong chest, sighing as I listen to his heart-beat. I think he's a bit stunned at my sudden movements because he tenses slightly and doesn't touch me for a few minutes. He slowly starts to relax though and when I feel him lay his arms on my back, I smile and tighten my hold around him.

 

We lay there on the bed like that for a long while, I feel myself start to doze off though when Heero suddenly starts to trail the tips of his fingers over my back, up and down; drawing circles and small designs, sending chills down my spine and making me shiver from the delightful feelings he provokes. I moan Heero's name and lean into his body more, nuzzling his neck and placing a gentle kiss there. Heero makes a small noise of appreciation and I take that as a sign to continue. I finally sit up and stare down at him for a moment, just taking in his beautiful features… then I lift him up slightly, pushing him towards the head of the bed, telling him silently that I want him on the bed all the way.

 

He understands and sits up, then pushes himself back up onto the bed completely—kicking his shoes off before he does… good, one less thing I have to worry about removing from his body…. then I crawl over to him and straddle his hips, staring into his eyes for any changes that might show me what he's really feeling, but he just stares back at me with the same warm eyes he's held so recently…. I smile and kiss Heero again, earning a moan from him this time; somewhere in the back of my mind I realize that Heero hasn't forced me onto my back yet….

 

While Heero may have been the one receiving my cock in the past, he sure as hell wasn't uke. I remember every night we ever spent together, he never once let me take control of our lovemaking… but tonight is different—everything is so different. But I'm happy with the new changes and I wouldn't want it any other way… I just wish I'd never left Heero behind like I did—that's my only regret.

 

Take me by the hand

Take me somewhere new…

 

Slowly and cautiously, I pull each article of clothing from Heero's perfect body—afraid that any fast or sharp movements will frighten him and he won't want to continue, but he lays there, completely calm and almost lazily as he lets me do what I want to him, like a doll. I chuckle at how much he looks like a giant cat right now, his head tilted back on the pillows, eyes closed and muscular limbs sprawled out carelessly. When I finally remove all of Heero's dark clothing, I take the time to marvel over his gorgeous body—the years only making him more beautiful and perfect than he was when I last knew him.

 

When I look back up to his face, he's watching me again… it's almost unnerving to a point, how he hasn't said anything or showed any reaction to what has happened—it makes me wonder what he's been through these past five years. I want to ask, but I'm too afraid of his reaction—I don't want him to leave again. Against my better judgment, I open my mouth, ready to ask some questions, but one of Heero's finger's stops me again… I frown at him, not understanding why he won't let me talk. Then Heero leans forward and whispers in my ear,

 

“Not now, lets just enjoy this time together… then we'll talk…” he pulls away and stares at me, a small smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. I sigh and nod, smiling back at him; he's right, questions can wait `till later—right now, all I want is Heero—to be with him and be part of him once more. I lean forward to capture his lips in a much more forceful kiss than the others and he willingly submits, opening his mouth to me immediately. I moan at his submission and thrust my tongue into that hot sweetness of his mouth, reveling in the wonderful taste of his.

 

Heero counters my moan with one of his own, while wrapping his arms around my neck, pulling me closer to him; it's overwhelming, how much he acts as though he needs me… I falter momentarily when the thought that this is all an act, passes through my mind. Oh god, please don't let these feelings he's showing for me be false… I would die if they were.

 

I don't know who you are

But I, I'm with you…

 

I push the disturbing thoughts aside and continue to plunder his luscious mouth as I struggle to remove my own clothing. When I begin to lose patience and growl around our kisses, Heero aids me in removing my clothing, calm and languid in his movements as he pulls the shirt from my shoulders and unbuttons my pants. I gasp out loud when my aching cock is finally released from the confines of the wet Preventers uniform I had been wearing. I quickly kick the pants off and lay my whole body flush against Heero's, earning a wonderful gasp from him.

 

I smile down at him and kiss the corner of his right eye, when I pull away, he blinks up at me owlishly—he looks so adorable when he does that—I just never want to let him go…. I sit up again, causing Heero to mewl in disappointment from the lost contact of our bodies, but the sweet pout he wears soon dissolves into something more of a seductive need as he throws his head back and opens his mouth in a silent cry when I take the head of his penis in my mouth and suckle it for a moment. Heero whimpers when I pull away, I can tell he's forcing the pathetic glare he's giving me, but he jerks his head to the side roughly, glancing at the nightstand. I understand immediately and lean over Heero, opening the drawer and pulling out a tube of lubricant… hmm, it seems he must have expected this to happen, either that or he always travels prepared—just in case? Nice thought, still the perfect little soldier boy I know and love.

 

I smile and kiss Heero's pouting lips again as I twist the cap off the lube and squeeze a generous amount of the gel onto my fingers. I have no idea how long it's been since Heero has been with anyone… what if—no, no, I won't think about it, I won't let the possibility that, of course he wouldn't wait for me for five years… ruin this moment. It doesn't matter if he didn't wait—all that matters is that he's here, now, with me….

 

I kiss him roughly again, conveying all my feelings with the kiss as I slowly push my index finger past the tight ring of muscle, concealing Heero's hidden secrets. Heero gasps against my lips, arching off the bed when I push my finger in a little further—maybe he hasn't been with anyone…. Heero clutches my shoulders desperately when I added a second finger, squeezing his eyes shut and gritting his teeth from the pain I didn't mean to cause him. When I added a third finger, Heero cried out and bit his bottom lip. I was so shocked, I didn't move for a long while—I just stared at him, afraid I would hurt him again.

 

When Heero opened his dark blue eyes, he had a slight crease to his brows and a light sheen of sweat had started to form upon his forehead; he just stared at me with pleading eyes and whimpered. I didn't know what to do, I didn't understand why he was so tight and sensitive—I'd never hurt him like this before, even during his first time….

 

Take me by the hand

Take me somewhere new…

 

“Heero, I—are you all right? Should I stop…?” Heero shook his head and pulled me to him again, whispering in my ear once more,

 

“No, I'm fine—I'll be ok… I-it's just been… a while… since my last time…” when I leaned back to stare at him, I couldn't help the shock that crossed my face—he really had waited—he'd been faithful this whole time! I couldn't help it as my eyes began to water, this only proved what he was doing wasn't an act and I berated myself for being so foolish to believe it ever would have been. Heero doesn't pretend—when he feels for something or someone, it's strong and true… despite the emotionless façade he put on during the war—he was a tightly packed ball of emotions, just waiting to burst at any moment… and perhaps the most emotional of us all.

 

I kissed Heero's cheek as he pulled away and this time, as I pushed my fingers inside his tight body, I was much slower and gentler, but it still hurt him, I could tell….

 

After thoroughly stretching his unbelievably tight passage, I coated my aching shaft with the lubricant and crawled between Heero's gorgeous, powerful thighs, making myself comfortable as I leaned forward and captured Heero's lips with my own, determined to find a way to bring as little pain to him as possible. As I tried to distract him with the kiss, I slowly pressed the head of my cock against his opening and pushed in as slowly as I dared—he was so tight! I couldn't believe the pressure I felt around my cock as I entered him—it was almost unbearable, and I could tell it was a lot for Heero to bear also, I kissed him again, distracting him long enough to enter him completely.

 

Heero took in a deep, shuddering breath when I had finally stilled and he stared at me, trying to force back the pain I knew he felt. I brushed back a lock of sweaty chocolate hair from his face and smiled down at him, gazing at his beautiful features lovingly. Heero sighed and shakily wrapped his arms around my neck once more and shifted his body in my hold… when he did that, I thought I was lost, but I somehow managed to keep still and very slowly, I pulled out of Heero's impossibly tight heat, then pushed back in a little faster than when I first entered.

 

We soon built up a perfect rhythm, Heero completely forgetting about his pain as he pushed down against my large cock and I pushed into his waiting heat, hitting that sensitive spot deep inside of him each time.

 

I don't know who you are

But I, I'm with you…

 

At first I didn't understand how something could have been so perfect, but when I realized that Heero was as much a part of it as I ever was, for the first time, I knew how everything should have been and how it would be for the rest of our lives. I'd never let Heero go again, and when he looked into my eyes, falling and on the edges of passion, I smiled and whispered in his ear,

 

“I love you…” and then Heero came, crying out my name and clamping his tight heat around my straining cock, making me come with him.

 

 

I collapsed atop Heero as he milked me dry; he sank back into the pillows and both of us just lay there, breathing heavily, completely spent but satisfied. I pulled back from Heero to look at him but he just pulled me back down on top of him, refusing to let me go… so I wrapped my arms around him again and pulled him on top of me as I rolled over onto my back. Heero hissed in pain as I slipped out of him from the change in position and flashed him an apologetic look.

 

Heero let out a heavy breath and laid his head on my chest, closing his eyes. I watched lovingly, and ran my fingers through his hair, kissing the top of his head as he began to drift off into slumber.

 

After leaving Heero behind, here on Earth, five years ago, I never thought I'd see him again, but secretly, I never gave up hope…. And I never gave up my love for him, not once tainting it with that of another—just as he had stayed true to me, so I had to him. Now that he's here with me again, back in my arms, everything feels so perfect and right—new and different, but right.

 

Heero shifts in my arms suddenly, moaning softly in his sleep and then he mumbles something under his breath,

 

“Love you… Duo…” right, perfect…. The first time he has ever admitted his love to me and I will never forget it.

 

I'm with you…

 

I love you too Heero, I love you….

 

~ * . * ~

 

I returned to the house two days later… and not alone. I still can't help but laugh when Quatre opened the door and fainted right there on the tile floor, he had to have had a headache after that. The look on Heero's face though, was priceless. He looked like a child who'd been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, not knowing what to do.

 

The celebration we had, with the return of everyone back together again, had to have been the biggest party I had ever been to—including those of all the prime ministers and secretary's of state and head-haunchos I'd crashed during the war. Afterwards, when Heero and I had escaped back to our room, he told me everything that happened….

 

When he found out I had left, he became severely depressed—he told me he didn't know why until Quatre and Trowa had gotten married and he realized then that he loved me and he had to find me. He told me he searched everywhere, used everything he had to locate my whereabouts, but he just couldn't find me. He told me that he realized, subconsciously, that he didn't want to find me at first and he became depressed once more, and just gave up completely for a long while—he cut off all contact with everything human and hid himself somewhere on the Eastern side of Earth.

 

What startled me the most though, was when he told me that he had found me over a year ago, but when he did, he didn't know what to do and he just stayed back—watching me from a distance, learning of my new life, new home, new friends, new lovers. He was confused at first by what I did, but realized after a while how I helped people and how much they appreciated it.

 

When he had found out that I didn't have any lovers he understood and felt he didn't need to watch over me anymore, he had left the colony I was living on little more than a month before I did. He said, as soon as I contacted Quatre for the first time in four years, he knew what I was doing and when I was going to arrive on Earth.

 

I had asked him why he waited so long to show himself if he knew where and what I'd been doing for so long, he told me,

 

“Because I trusted you.” I couldn't have ever shown my gratitude or love to him, to equal how I felt when he told me that; he was my life and I was his, we finally realized that.

 

 

Some nights… after Heero has fallen asleep in my arms, I lay awake, wondering what would have happened to me if that boy had never shown up on my doorstep? Or, maybe, if I'd never left Heero altogether… then I think to myself that I'd be miserable—I know I would have, Heero never would have changed and I'd have to live with his stoic, `emotionless' self, or I would have continued living out my life on the space colony until I died from boredom—I loved that job, yes, but I could have never stayed with it for ever—though I know that's what would have happened.

 

So, on nights like these, with Heero cuddled close to me, I silently thank the mysterious boy who fell onto my doorstep that day—without him, I'd never have found my home.

 

I'm with you…

 

~Owari~