Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Stolen ❯ Dove Safe? ( Chapter 8 )

Stolen

Chapter eight

Gently cradling her drifting head, he laid her down onto his single futon. He took some time to arrange her limbs so as to prevent any loss of circulation until the sedative wore off. That done, he sent a brief email message to Lady Une at Preventers headquarters. Radio waves were too risky.

"Dove safe. Will return when nest is clean."

Dove safe. Dove safe. Even from where he was sitting across the little room, his nostrils flared to take in her discrete scent of fresh honey and earthy smoke. In an unnoticed lapse of time he found himself standing over her, watching the rise and fall of her shallow breathing.

Eyes followed the edges of her clothing. Thick silk seemed rough against the delicate flesh below. Without conscious thought, his fingers traced the collar of her suit jacket, brushing against the warm, vulnerable skin of her throat. He could feel her pulse, steady but weak thudding softly against his fingertips. With a dry mouth, he traveled further along the boundary of her clothes, tracing the dip and swell of her collarbone and coming to rest trembling at the border of her left breast. He could feel his sex stirring at this tantalizing indulgence of his one desire. With a groan, he sank raggedly to his knees beside her.

"Relena." It was a cry from the far reaches of his soul. She was alive. He'd saved her again, but she didn't feel the need to save him any longer. She didn't want him. She no longer needed him. She would marry another man. Heero had stayed by her side, protecting her from a world that used her and abused her and repeatedly tried to kill her, all the while bowing and scraping before her. And she served them, spent her life's blood to bring them peace, never giving herself room for private joy. Hers was an endless war, and his dream of becoming whole had been its first casualty, along side her own.

He'd sought solace in the knowledge that he at least could keep her safe, and waited, silent, hoping for her to give him life. He would have shot a bullet through his brain but for the thought that she'd have no-one to keep her safe if he were gone. So he'd stayed, in torment, drifting further and further off balance, brushing against her in hallways, cherishing the few times she would look him in the eye, and torturing himself with the hope that he'd seen something, some spark of his existence in her eyes.

"Please, let me exist. Make me human, Relena."

But her eyes remained closed. He remembered the feel of her fingers caressing his cheek as he woke from pain--her parting gift before she left him behind. He lifted her inert hand and pressed his lips into the cool flesh of her palm. He then nuzzled his face into her fingers, desperate for her touch, even if it was stolen. A soft sigh escaped her lips and he froze. Fear of discovery paralyzed him, but she did not wake. He knew that it would take hours for her to recover from the needle her assailants had plunged into her arm. Still, he could not shake the new feeling of shame at handling her without her permission, even if she would never know. He tried to drop her hand, but instead sat frozen in place, her hand resting against his neck as he watched her face for signs of disturbance.

He knew this was wrong. Even through the confusion of his need, he knew that he must not touch her. Not like this. Shame, desire, and a need for affirmation all screamed in a horrible chorale as he knelt, immobile at her side. Slowly, numbly he lost strength in his arms, and let her hand trace a haphazard line down his chest as he struggled to leave her side. Just as he'd readied himself to get up and walk away, her hand came to rest in his lap, fingers giving whispering pressure in the crook of his jeans.

"Ahh." He closed his eyes, as his entire being suddenly flooded into his groin, alive at the gentle contact. "Ahhhh." Instinctively he leaned into her touch, using his right hand to press her fingers against the fabric of his pants, and opened his eyes to focus on the contours of her face. Cheekbone to lips. Lips parted. Breath soft. The slight pearl of her teeth just showing. Jaw line, strong from chin to just below her ear. He leaned forward, trembling and breathed in the intoxicating scent of her neck just behind the ear, his lips grazing the edge of her hair. With his left hand he traced the line of her right eyelid, studying the harmony of brow and lashes as they curved in counterpoint above her cheek. Reverently he kissed the outer corner of her lid, and then, daring what he'd dreamt of since the first time he'd ever touched her, when they were only fifteen, he placed his lips above hers and holding his breath gave her a chaste and shaking kiss.

In reaction, her left hand twitched, her fingers flexing slightly against his trapped and swelling sex. Heero moaned against her lips, squeezing his eyes shut at the gentle parody of a caress. He arched his back, no longer caring about the consequences and keened her name.

"Releeeenaaahh..."

Something in him began to break. His eyes, consumed with need, never left her face as he brought her hand once more to his lips, gently touching each fingertip in succession, while his left hand undid the fastening on his jeans. Slowly he dragged her docile hand in a line down his neck, past his sternum, tracing his abdominal muscles through the fabric of his t-shirt. With a shudder of expectation, he used both his hands to guide her fingers down the length of his sex.

A cry of anguished pleasure tore from his throat as he once again closed his eyes, imagining that somehow this was real, and not a base violation of his love for her. In his mind, Relena was looking at him with all of the longing he'd seen in her eyes the day he'd awoken in the hospital after the Mariemeia nightmare. She was saying his name over and over as his life finally became real, her touch finally brought him to life. But when he unwisely opened his eyes again, she was still lying helpless on his tiny futon, oblivious to his very existence, her unwilling hand forced around his sex and her face turned slightly away from him, as though even in her sleep she couldn't bear the sight of him.

He looked down at what he'd been doing to himself, to her, and dropped her hand as though it were a burning brand.

"No. Oh, no. No no. Please forgive me, Relena. No!"

For the first time in fifteen years of pain, Heero cried. He cried helplessly, the anguish of his ruined life spilling out of him in retched sobs of debasement. He folded over himself, arms clutching his gut in a futile attempt to keep the flood of pain from escaping its prison within.

"Hro?"

His head shot up at the cracked whisper of his name. He hadn't heard her stir through the pressure of his tears.

"Relena?"

Her eyes were still closed, but she was trying to open them, trying to look at him through the haze of her drugged mind. She reached out to touch him with the very hand he'd so recently defiled, managing to rest it on the top of his head like the benediction of a saint. Her accidental caress down the side of his face caused his sobs to begin again. Her face contorted as she tried to muddle through to consciousness.

"Dn khy, Hro."

Her speech was slurred and broken, but he understood the words. Words of kindness. Words of his existence. They echoed in his soul and added strange laughter to the wailing moans that wracked his body. He took her hand in both of his own and kissed it desperately, pressing his wet cheek into her palm.

"Please love me, Relena."

But her battle for consciousness was over. She'd fallen back into a drugged sleep where he could not reach her. He mourned. Drained of all energy by his outburst of long repressed emotion, he fell asleep where he lay, doubled over, head cradled in Relena's hand.

****

Her arm was asleep. Her head was swimming, she felt vaguely nauseous...and her left arm was asleep. She twitched her fingers experimentally only to discover that there was something pinning her hand to the floor. Curious as to what the weight might be she braved the dizziness of turning her head in order to investigate. What she saw defied her sense of reason.

A wild mass of brown silky hair, and the unmistakable profile of Heero Yuy lay resting in the palm of her hand. In an odd recollection from childhood, the scene evoked bedtime stories in which maidens of pure and loving hearts would fall asleep in the forest only to wake with wild and magical beasts sleeping at their sides. What beast is this? A pegasus? A unicorn? The odd juxtaposition made her smile. And still smiling through the pain in her head, she rolled to her side and brought her other hand down to caress the lines of her tamed beast's face. His eyes shot open, no transition visible between waking and sleep. He looked up at her and she saw his very soul pouring out of the dark twilight of his eyes. It leapt the boundary between them and she felt she might drown in the enormity of that ocean.

He must have seen her recoil. Instantly he was closed to her; the floodgates shut. In a strangely clumsy maneuver, he rose from his place on the floor, hunched over, hands gripping the hem of his untucked shirt. Only when his back was towards her did he stand up straight and walk out of the room.

"Come back." Like the maidens in her childhood stories, she'd done something to turn the beast away and was left with nothing but a whisper of remorse on her lips.

"Come back."