Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Struggling to Fly ❯ Chapter 3

Struggling to Fly

by: sailor c. ryoko

Rating: R

Pairings: developing 1x3, 1x2x3. 1+2. 2+1. 3+2. 2+3. established 5x4. past Tsuberov x Une.

Ages: Une is 33. Tsuberov is 40. Pilots are 15. Except `Fei - 16. ^_^

Archive: Erotic Encounters: http://www.geocities.com/zerotwoaddict and http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1471289

Warnings: threesome. Duo POV. heavy angst. OOC. AUish (sorta). language. nasty Tsuberov and Une. OC's. post-war. EW never occurred. fusion-ish with "Blue Dragon".

Notes: Tsuberov knows martial arts *real* good-either can match g-boys or surpass `em.. Also.. some/most of the plot ideas in this fic is. not. mine! Like in the `Warnings', it says it's a fusion-ish. hahah...

Synopsis: Being an outcast in society, Duo struggles with only what little he has to cope with life in the present. However, unwanted problems about his past begins to arise that may prevent him from having any future at all.

Special Note: I wanna thank Sol for helping me so much with this fic! I really, really appreciate it a lot! ^___^ Thank you!

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Part 03

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I stepped out of the bathroom and walked down the hallway towards my bedroom. With my hands half massaging, half drying my long, wavy mass of hair draped over my shoulder and the soothing feeling of the soft carpet underneath my bare feet, I felt calm, and at ease. I haven't felt this...relaxed in a long time. Long time. It feels like as if several centuries have passed when in reality, it's only been several days.

"Duo."

I jumped, nearly dropping the blue towel. The voice wasn't loud enough to knock me off complete balance - hell, it wasn't even loud - but the abruptness threw me off guard. I turned, already knowing who was there before I even saw him. There, sitting on the sofa in the living room in a relaxed position with an amused smile on his face, was Trowa.

My brow twitched in mocked annoyance, before muttering, "Jesus, Tro. Do you *like* scaring the shit out of me or something? Christ!"

"Sorry," was his reply. His eyes were twinkling, though.

"You are not!" My eyes widened at his response before they narrowed, staring accusingly at him.

He chuckled, then. For thirty seconds I managed a straight face, but in the end, I couldn't help it. My laughter followed his, even as I suspected he was just trying to get me to lighten up.

Once the chuckles quieted down, we just became quiet. I ain't sure how much time passed by but I just stood there stupidly and Trowa was just keeping me as his main focus at the moment. Under different circumstances, I would be grinning like an idiot and would probably shoot a wink towards his way - Trowa was a handsome man after all, but at the current moment, things just felt...awkward. Awkward and uncomfortable. And I didn't like it one bit. Shaking my head I turned to him then, intent on chatting nonchalantly - the silence was beginning to really get to me then. I loosened my grip on the towel and opened my mouth.

"Don't," he said sharply.

"I…." I didn't know how to respond to that, so I just nodded.

"Duo...." he began.

"I'm just a bit tired, Tro." When had my voice sounded so weary? I dismissed that thought, satisfied instead that the reply I hadn't meant to verbalize was acceptable. It wasn't a lie really, and it didn't insinuate much information either. I *had* barely gotten any sleep these days, never mind getting what's considered as *enough* sleep.

He shot me a suspicious look, but I think my fatigue was almost as clear as day. Almost. But he didn't push further and for that, I was grateful.

"Duo, can we just...talk?"

At that one question, my cool dispersed. Nervousness surfaced and everything in sight was suddenly screaming, `Danger Alert! Danger Alert!' I had a faint idea of what he wanted to talk about, and was positive it wouldn't be good. I still wasn't prepared on how to answer him or Heero if either one of them were to ask me why I'd avoiding them. Damn, and I was hoping they wouldn't notice either, but obviously, luck was never on my side. I really wanted to run and hide right now.

"You can go to sleep right after," he added. He lips might be saying one thing but his eyes spoke another. He may be saying that I *can* go to sleep after but what he's really saying is that he will *let* me go after we're done. He is one damn, persistent asshole, isn't he? I cracked a grin at that.

I sighed in silent surrender and plopped down on the couch next to him.

"So...whatcha wanna talk about?" I asked casually, hoping to keep the conversation mellow even when I was fully aware that that was highly unlikely.

There was that silence again. It was a bit longer this time, and I almost believed that he was going to stay quiet like that for the rest of the night. But he surprised me when he spoke, but those three small words spoke volumes.

"It's...been awhile." I could hear the lingering, unspoken statement of `since we last spent time like this' in his pensive tone.

"Yeah...." I agreed.

He was quiet for a minute or two, then, "Is something wrong?"

I lifted my head, startled at his inquiry, and was met with concerned pools of dark green. The question was momentarily forgotten, my eyes fastened on his instead. This was one of the very few times I had actually seen both of his eyes; the close distance between us was the only reason why I was able to do so. My stare immediately adverted to my hands on my lap. "Why wouldcha think that?"

His answer was short, simple, straight to the point. Oddly, it made me twitch in amusement. "You're fidgeting."

Clearly, reason and logic was out of my head. I doubled over in laughter at his response, which only served to confuse him more. "You have an unusual sense of humor, y'know that, Trowa?"

He leaned back a bit and slightly raised one eyebrow at me. Then snorted.

I rolled my eyes.

The tension had eased somewhat.

"How is your job?" he prompted.

"S'not exactly picture perfect, but s'not something I can't handle either." I remarked smoothly.

Trowa stood up so suddenly, startling me. "Why are you doing this!" I really didn't know what to make of the demanding, worried, yet confused tone I heard.

"Doing this? What are you talking about, Trowa?"

He glared coldly at me. "Stop playing games with me, Maxwell. You know what I'm talking about."

"Why don't *you*," I retorted, "stop playing games with *me*, Barton, `cause I have no i-fuckin'-dea what the hell you're talkin' about!"

"Why are you putting yourself through so much damn shit?" he growled. "Why won't you just dump your goddamn job and join us in Preventers!"

I don't know what came over me but I was shaking with uncontrollable anger. "I will do whatever the fuck I wanna do, dammit. Thanks for your concern, but I happen to like my job, so fuck off!"

"Bullshit!" he replied, heatedly. He suddenly grabbed my right wrist, and I struggled in his grasp, but his firm yet somehow gentle jerk snapped my head up to meet his fiery green eyes. "Look, Duo." He paused, and for a brief second, I could see him struggling to find the right words to say. After a few seconds, he finally sighed. "You have got to stop pushing yourself to the limit, Duo. Accept the past, accept yourself and let it all be. Join us in Preventers."

What the hell? Accept my past, myself and let it all be? What the hell is he talkin' about! And who is he to talk to me about *that* topic! He `n the others ain't exactly in paradise either!

I should have spoke with more maturity, cooling down and discussing the matter with him, but instead, for some reason, I exploded.

"No, *you* look, Trowa. I dunno how the fuck you got that ridiculous, crazed notion that I had some problem with myself and my past, but I ain't the one with the problems here." His eyebrows creased, and he frowned in confusion as I went on. "I'm not the one that only got the Preventer jobs, like you guys did, because it seemed like the `right' thing to do. *You* guys are the ones that need to accept yourselves, accept that we were terrorists, and go out into the goddamn world to search for other jobs I know you guys can do. Instead, you guys are going on all of these dangerous field assignments because you guys think that that's the only shit you guys are capable of doing! Well, y'know what? Wake up and smell the coffee! You guys are the ones that have the problems, not me! So don't you be tellin' me that *I* need to do all of that shit when it's really *you guys* that're the ones that need ta do that!" I pulled my hand away from his grip and stormed off towards my room.

"We have."

That stopped me in my tracks and I abruptly spun around. "What?" I was too angry to figure out what he was saying.

He simply stood there, doing nothing and standing almost casually, but I could see the slight stiffness in his shoulders and his tired yet determined expression. "I said, we have. The road was not once easy but in the end, we were able to. Each and every one of us has accepted our pasts and ourselves, and are slowly moving on. It's time for you to do the same, Duo."

I said nothing. I stood there, feeling livid and...threatened, for some unknown reason. I didn't want to hear what he had to say, refused to find a truth, if any, in his words, refused to drown in the alluring green depths of his eyes. Then silently, angrily, I clenched my jaw and walked off.

"Stop running, stop hiding, and wake up."

I said nothing at his remark and slammed the door shut.

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"Well, Heero? You still haven't answered my question, you know."

"I don't intend to." A scowl.

"But it's not even a hard question! I mean, surely you'd know which part it is... Oh my god! You *do* know what's what, right?"

A smack. "Of course I do! I am not stupid."

"Hmph, if that's so, why won't you answer me then, huh?"

Silence.

"Well? Why the hell *not!"

He gave me a heated glare. "I will *not* tell you which part of the male body I find most attractive and pleasurable!"

Every single commotion that went on around in the grocery store suddenly became still and silent, all other eyes focused on us two underage-looking, grocery-shopping teenagers with each a pair of shades and caps on. Heero's face immediately turned a fairly dark shade of red and he shot me a dark look before going down the aisle, away from everyone's watchful gaze.

I grinned in response and jogged after him, pushing the cart of food as well. As the other customers went back to what they were doing, I couldn't help but snicker. I'm surprised Heero had lasted that long. It took me fifty-seven minutes and eleven seconds of constant persistence and utter annoyance before he finally cracked. I had to bite back the urge to laugh. Though, I must admit, after forty minutes, I was ready to give up and think that nothing could make the Perfect Soldier lose control. But clearly, I proved myself wrong and the outcome was worth it. Heero Yuy looks so damn *cute* when he's embarrassed. Even with the shades on.

"Hey, wait up!" But instead, he picked up his pace without looking back.

I followed him at a jog. "Aw, c'mon, man! You're not mad at me, are ya?" I slowed down and paused, a devious, playful smile plastered right on my face. "Well," I drawled, one hand holding my elbow as the other tapped my chin. "If you don't wanna talk to me, I can always continue to annoy the hell out of you even more...." I trailed off, eyes twinkling merrily.

He did stop then and turned around, growling softly, "Duo...."

"Yes?" came my innocent tone of voice.

Shoulders slightly slumped, he let out a low sigh, an evident sign of defeat. I really couldn't resist giving an ear-to-ear grin at that. Not that I wanted to restrain myself in the first place….

"Well, you have to admit," I began, "that scene back there did prove something useful."

A nod, then. "Aa.... With our caps and sunglasses, and your hair tucked under your sweater, no one had recognized us." The flushed face prior had softened considerably then, almost into a smile. But it was gone nearly as fast, as he had changed the subject almost immediately afterwards. I wanted to show my disappointment and grumble about that but instead, I remained silent and neutral. I really didn't want him asking questions now.

"Did you get the last thing on the list?"

"Yep! The loaf of bread is right here," I say, lifting said item from the cart to prove it.

"Let's get going then." I nod in agreement and followed him down the aisle to the cash registers' section.

It didn't take a long time for the line to move and for it to be our turn. We loaded the food onto the conveyor belt and Heero stood in front of the cashier, ready to pay for our groceries. Meanwhile, I had caught sight of the chocolate and candy shelf to our right.

"Hey, ol' buddy. ol' pal, oh dear best friend of mine!" I chirped, resting an arm on his shoulder with my weight half supported by his.

"No."

"Wha? Aww...but you don't even know what I was gonna say!" I protested.

"There's no need. You want something and the answer is no."

Swallowing down my surprise, I quirked an eyebrow at him. "Oh... So you think you know everything now? Amuse me then, tell me how you knew I wanted something."

"You just told me." He tilted his head slightly and looked at me from the corners of his eyes. They danced in mischief as a smirk etched on his face.

A gasp escaped me in horror and a tinge of anger but my eyes twinkled in amusement. "You sniveling, little...."

"I know." His tone was more or so one of arrogance than it was of sorrow. I wanted to half burst out in laughter and half smack his cute ass - not literally, though I sure wouldn't mind...but instead, I had a feral grin (to keep my pride, mind you) and muttered, "asshole", instead. "Well, you know what?" I continued, poking his chest playfully for emphasis at the same time, "I'm gonna get what I want with or without your permission, Mister Cocky Bastard."

I shifted my attention to the candy shelf once again smugly while he snorted in amusement and faced the cashier.

There must have been...one, two, three...seven rows of candy and chocolate to choose from. With a quick skim through the top rows, each didn't seem to interest me, nor did they sound very good.... I lowered into a crouched position, then beamed at the more tasty looking and sounding, cavity-giving junk food. Okay, let's see...there's Snickers, Winterfresh, Twix, Sweet Tarts, Kit Kat, Starburst, Milky Way, Juicy Fruit....

A sharp tug jerked my head back, and a couple more followed. Now, messing around with me is one thing, but to resort to pulling on my braid...now that's low. Heero could be Superman for all I care, but at this rate - I instinctively cracked my knuckles - I wouldn't be the only with a major headache.

"Ow! Look, Yuy," I growled. "I don't care what the hell you want, but hands *off* the...." I swiftly snapped my head to face Heero, standing up at the same time. But Heero wasn't even looking at me, nor was he holding the end of my braid. A small thud sounded in the air ensued by a child's wailing right behind me. I followed Heero's gaze, intending to turn around, but instead was shoved rudely forwards. My balance was lost and my stumble forward led me falling right into Heero's arm, my head pillowed on his muscled yet soft chest.

"Stay away from my baby, you jerk!" A woman's voice.

But all I could focus on were...Warm, comfortable, musky and...detergent? Haha, it must be the shirt. He must've worn one of the clean shirts we had washed yesterday. It feels nice....

Jesus fuck! What am I talking about? What must Heero be thinking! Shit, Maxwell! You - you idiot!

I quickly pushed myself off of Heero and turned away. "Uh...yeah...sorry," I mumbled. My fingers fiddled the end of my braid, tugging my coat down to cover the length. I kept my head down; I only hope that the cap and shades would be able to hide the goddamn blush that was forming. Piece'a shit.

"A braid..." I lifted my head up then, seeing the mother of the child, a girl, standing two feet away from me with her daughter sniffling by her side. "A man...brown hair...long braid...." The lady visibly paled and clutched her daughter closer to her as realization dawned. "You're a...." I shook my head, repeatedly praying that she wouldn't say it. "A Gundam pilot!" Aw, shit.

"What?"

"What did she say?"

"There! Those two over there! Gundam pilots!"

"They've probably come to rob the store!"

"They're going to kill everyone here!"

"Run for your lives!"

"No! We can't let `em get away den! Dey dink dey all bad jus' coz dey pilot a Gundam befo', `eh! I won't letcha git away even if m'life depends on it!" One man picked up a canned soda and hurled it our way. We both managed to duck, and it hit the floor behind the cashier's stand.

"He's right! Get them!" Everyone else began to pick up anything they can find from fruits, vegetables, canned foods, and who knows what else and began throwing it at us.

"Shit!" Heero blocked a bag of frozen meat aimed towards his head. "Let's go, Duo!" he yelled over the chaos, one arm shielding his face, another one pulling me along with him. He wasn't the one fending off the flying foods and stuff.

"Wait! Heero, our food..."

"There's no time!"

A searing pain exploded at the rear of my head, and I halted in shock. The move loosened Heero's grasp, and I fell backwards. My head hit the cold, hard floor. A horrible endless pounding on my skull was the only thing I registered for the next couple of long, time-consuming seconds. An unnerving darkness settled over me. Then, a familiar pair of arms unexpectedly enveloped me, and a firm but painless jerk released my braid from its unyielding captor. I opened my eyes and found myself looking at a blurry image of Heero's face. He was trying his best to block the oncoming assaults.

Things didn't look very good.

After a few more breaths, I was able to get my shit together - pushing the annoying headache to the rear of my mind under the "least of my concerns" file and focusing on the "getting us outta here" task instead. As if on cue, Heero turned to face me then, his intense, questioning pools seemed to have turned a few shades darker than usual.

Knowing what he was asking without even voicing it, I answered with a dismissive, you-worry-too-much tone of voice. "No sweat, buddy! A little migraine ain't gonna stop Shinigami."

I got to my feet and followed him to the exit. This time, I held onto my braid.

I had to mentally smack myself stupidly for not noticing things before. Heero's appearance didn't look...right; I really wasn't used to seeing him look so...unclean. Our caps and shades had knocked off by the various projectiles. I was seriously tempted to give an ear-to-ear grin at how he looked but...nah, I valued my life, thank you very much.

Anyhow, he was covered almost from head to toe in all kinds of food - it was like as if he had just walked out of a food fight, which he had, I guess. There was lettuce and brownies in his hair, some flour on his face and clothes, numerous "tomato-splats" all over and other delicious, unidentified stuff. I, myself, wasn't exactly Mr. Clean either but I was still better off than Heero.

Unable to resist taking a closer look, I'd be drooling over the man of my wet dreams here - he looked waaay too good enough to eat, and kiss and suckle and...

Gah! How could I be thinking about such things at a time like this! I sighed and focused on the exit to the grocery store, only ten feet away. Well, that certainly proves it. Under all of that `we-never-were-children' aspect, I'm still another typical fifteen-year-old, hormone-driven teenager. The irony of it all.

A group of civilians from the parking lot outside appeared at the entryway, effectively sealing our exit. But it was that that'd made us immediately skid to a stop. Some had food in their hands; others carried bats and metal pipes.

"Aw, great. Just fuckin' great," I muttered.

We both dived out of the way and into a roll as the carts were shoved forward. The abrupt movement must've triggered my aching head again because the pounding was back as a blaze of blinding white flashed before me. Slamming my eyes shut for the few treasured moments managed to erase the whiteness but clutching my head didn't help at all.

Under all of the other hollering and swearing, I faintly heard someone shout my name. I opened my eyes to see my near-frantic friend, and a second later, a porcelain plate flew right past me and hit Heero on the forehead.

"Heero!" Something seemed to click within me as I saw Heero stumble back and fall on his ass, all the while clutching his head in obvious pain. My own headache abandoned me and I immediately rushed towards his side, slipping an arm around him as I checked his head the best I could (considering that he was still clutching it). There was a pretty nasty cut on his forehead, just over his left eyebrow, one that was oozing blood more than I'd have liked.

But seeing that streak of blood running down the side of his face had made *me* see red. Heero probably wouldn't be able to focus on much from the blood in his eyes. I helped him up to his feet. Snarling fiercely, I grabbed the nearest cart I could find and thrust it as hard as I could towards the civilians that were blocking the exit. They scattered, opening a pathway in the sea of chaos. I dashed forward with a still half-woozy Heero as the cursing seemed to grow louder behind us.

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I had never thought that I'd be so damn happy to see broad daylight instead of the artificial, fluorescent light they have when you're indoors. Despite the fact that it was nearly five thirty right now, it was still brighter outside than it was back inside. But I'm not complaining in the least. I was just glad we were finally safe.

We'd managed to escape and after a half-hour of running and hiding, we were able to lose the angry mob without obtaining any more injuries than what we'd already gotten. Now, we were sitting peacefully at the edge of a beautiful lake at a secluded park, away from...well, everyone.

Heero seemed to be coming around now - not that he had outright fainted earlier but his eyes weren't so glassy anymore. His head wound was only bleeding a little bit now, but there were blood smears all over his face. It would work perfectly had it been Halloween, but I couldn't summon up a grin knowing that it was *real* crimson on his face and not something artificial. But, well, other than that and the occasional grimace, he seemed to be alright now. No concussion or anything, so that was good. As for me, after all that tumult, the stupid throbbing headache was beginning to come back. But at least it had become more like a nagging, non-stop thump instead of that achingly loud pounding it was prior. Annoying, but bearable.

"So how you feelin'?"

He grunted. "I'm fine."

"Liar," I muttered, suddenly unable to look at the bleeding gash anymore and feeling utterly like shit. Grabbing the hem my undershirt, I ripped a considerable amount off and soaked the fabric in the lake before squeezing out the excess.

Brushing all of the food and flour out of his hair, he shot me a curious look. "Duo, what are you doing?"

"We should at least tend to your wound before heading home."

His hand reached out to try to get the cloth, saying, "Here, I can do it myself." I pulled my hand away.

He looked confused, and seemed like he was about to say something but I guess I beat him to it. "Let me do it, yeah?"

Maybe it was the small, unintentional hint of desperation in my voice or simply because he didn't seem to care much at the moment. He gave a non-committal grunt again and a slight nod in consent.

His eyes slid close as I scooted closer and began to gently press the cloth against his open wound. There, his brow creased together just *barely* but I still saw it; this was the most Heero Yuy was going to show that he was in pain.

A wave of guilt washed over me.

The image of Heero running towards me because he was worried about my stupid ass suddenly flashed through my mind, hitting me like a ton of bricks. He had left himself wide open and gotten a fuckin' *head* wound for chrissake because of me - because I had wanted to buy some stupid candy in the first place! Argh!

A strong hand suddenly wrapped around my wrist and a concerned - yet commanding - "Don't," made me open my eyes.

I was only inches away from a pair of intense cobalt orbs that was staring right back at me. An unexpected thought squirmed its way into mind, telling me that the way Heero was staring at me and what he just said reminded me waaaay too much of last night, when Trowa did the exact same thing. Jesus.

A chill crept its way up my spine without my request.

Things began to feel really uncomfortable then. In any other situation, I would've done anything to get the man of my dreams to be gazing at me like this, giving me his whole attention like this, but I didn't feel at all giddy or ecstatic at the moment. (But really though, twice in less than twenty-four hours? I should be getting a gold medal for this.) Even while staring back only *inches* away from those ensnaring pools of cobalt, his slightly upturned nose, the slightly dry and parted lips, and the unbelievably fragrance that was just uniquely *Heero*, I felt damn uncomfortable.

I am such a goddamn idiot.

But I really couldn't help it! Just the intensity of his alert, hawk-like eyes made me uncomfortable. I felt like as if I was being poked and prodded, cut from the inside out and left *way* damn open for anyone to be able to take what they can see from within me and used against me. In short, I did *not* like the position I was in.

I think I twitched in nervousness before suddenly finding the `Twinkie-splattered' spot on my pants very interesting.

"Duo, look at me." Jeez, I hate it when they use that tone of voice. There ain't no room for arguments or disobedience. Blah. I lifted my head.

But whatever Heero was thinking, let alone feeling at the moment was a complete mystery to me. I couldn't read him at all.

"Don't," he said sternly. "Just.." Now I was the one that was confused. "It's not your damn fault, Duo." My eyes widened in surprise. How did he...? Even with his eyes closed earlier, he could read me like an open book. "It's not like this is the first day we've been scorned like this," he said softly, letting go of my wrist.

I nodded, almost in grave acceptance, as my teeth grate silently. "You're right." But it still doesn't hide the fact that the whole shit started `cause of me, I silently added. Instead, I focused my concentration back on finishing wiping clean of the red stains on his face. Thankfully, it seems that the bleeding had stopped.

He didn't say anything and neither did I. It would just seem really awkward if one of us would actually start talking right then.

Not really sure how long we were quiet like thatm but I gradually felt calmer, more so than the shower last night. Around me, I could clearly hear the ducks splashing the water in the lake, the small movements of the leaves as they danced to the sway of the wind, and the crows that cawed in the sky. Everything seemed almost too surreal somehow, as if this brief moment of serenity was nothing but a mere fantasy, an illusion that will always be an arm's length away but we would never be able to reach it. I wanted to enjoy every second of what I *do* have.

Heeo laid down, and I did, too, my hands tucked under my head and legs stretched out lazily. I looked up at the blue, blue endless sky, watching with a special warmth inside me as the white-gray clouds slowly floated by. Y'know, I think that would be the only time that I would thank The Asshole up there for giving me this little moment of peace, and to have Heero here sharing it with me.

We remained quiet for a long time, lost in our own thoughts; my head didn't really have that annoying thump anymore either. I looked at Heero out of the corners of my eyes and he seemed...at peace, had been for the last hour or two. But then his brows suddenly creased and before it disappeared, I could've sworn a pained expression crossed his face.

I turned my face to look at him. "You okay?"

"Yeah, just...thinking," he replied softly. I nodded, relieved that it had nothing to do with the head injury. But now the question was, what could he be thinking about? Completely out of the blue, I thought about the whole day today.

Breakfast this morning wasn't exactly great, considering the mild, unspoken tension between Trowa and me; he kept throwing unreadable glances at me which made *me* uncomfortable, not Heero, so I was sure it wasn't that. Then while driving to the gas station, everything had been fine so I was sure it wasn't something then, either. Blah...everything was fine up until.... So, does he regret asking me last night to come with him, instead of Trowa?

"Arigatou, Duo." The whisper snapped me out of my thoughts; its softness caused it to be nearly lost to the wind.

I raised a brow as I sat and looked at him. "Huh? For what?"

He looked away. "For..." he trailed off. "Trowa...helping, everything.... For just being there." I had to strain my ears to here the last part but I heard it. "But there's no need anymore."

Wha...? What's that supposed to mean?

He sat up and ran a hand through his wild hair. "I meant Trowa. You don't need to help me anymore." He sounded so...defeated.

I gave him a weird look. "...Why not?" He murmured something but even straining my ears, I couldn't hear what he said. "Say what?"

His head whipped around so fast it startled me, although it wasn't that that'd caught me completely stunned on the spot. He was trying so hard not to cry, but I could clearly see the moisture in his eyes that he refused to shed. "Because I'm a complete fool to even think that he'd ever feel the same way for me in return!" He bowed his head, not wanting to have any eye contact with anyone. His fists clenched and unclenched for a few seconds before he suddenly got up and took off.

His outburst shocked me, to say at the least. But the intense pain I saw in his eyes...it would make even the most ruthless person crack. Snapping out of my stunned state, I ran after Heero, following him down the evening streets.

"Heero! Hold up, Heero!" There was no answer, not that I expected one anyway. But he didn't have to pick up speed, y'know. Well, not that I can blame him....

"Heero! Come back!" An abrupt, painful pounding that I've soon come to loathe, struck through the back of my head, faltering my run altogether. I collapsed onto my knees as both hands gripped my head, attempting unsuccessfully to cease the pain. "Aw, fuck." Why now, why now! Of all the fuckin' times...Christ!

I blurrily opened my eyes, struggling to get to my feet, still thinking of Heero. He shouldn't be alone, not now, I told myself. *I* can't let him be alone right now. He needs someone with him, to know that he ain't alone, to know that we're gonna be here no matter what. Shit, what if he takes off..? "Don't go...." A wave of pain directed itself at my head again.

Argh! Stop fuckin' hurting already! Heero needs me, dammit! I gotta be there for him!

"Duo!"

Heero? Was that Heero's voice? Is he coming back?

"Shit! Duo, I'm sorry!"

I blinked. It *was* Heero, and he was coming back. Maybe, perhaps, the headache was a good thing after all. His footsteps came closer and I allowed myself some relief. Funny, the pain seemed to be lessening now.

Heero helped me up and the both of us walked to the nearest bench at the bus stop, sitting side by side like how two best friends would.

"I'm sorry," he said again.

"Hey, it got you running back, didn't it?" I cracked a smile.

He snorted but I could see the warmth in his eyes as he said, "You're an idiot, you know that?"

Yeah...an idiot for failing in love with his best friend whose heart belongs to another, his other best friend.

"But an idiot wouldn't know that he is one. So, does that mean that I'm not an idiot anymore, then?"

He simply looked at me for a few seconds before genuinely chuckling; some of the pain in his eyes had dispersed.

After we both quieted down from our laughter, he turned to me with all seriousness and concern. "Is your head still hurting?"

"No, not anymore. Thanks," I smiled at him, as my hands caught his sleeve.

His eyes turned to my hands before sighing as he read my silent determination. "I'm not going anywhere," he replied softly.

"You wanna talk about it?"

"I..." he looked at me with an unreadable expression. He sighed again and combed his hair with his free hand. "For the past couple of days, Trowa and I have eaten lunch together at Preventer HQ's. Usually it's the four of us, but...." I nodded in understanding. He obviously asked Trowa out on a few lunch dates. "With the first time where you helped set things up," I nodded again. He was referring to me messing up Trowa's car. "and everything else, he didn't seem...awkward or anything. So I thought, so I thought...." He got up and for a second there I thought he was going to leave again as his hand slipped away but he just took a few steps, needing his space.

"So you thought that he felt the same or at least felt *something* for you, right?" I finished. He nodded in confirmation. "So what happened then?"

He swallowed, eyes looking pained. "Yesterday at lunch, I asked him...I asked him if we could be more than friends. But right after I asked that, he just sat there, unmoving, and stared at me. I didn't know what the hell to think, except that it wasn't a good sign. And I was right too, because a couple of seconds later, without a single word, he just got up and ran off." Ohh... Ooo, that's bad....

I realize that I haven't known Heero that long, but during and especially after the war, we had become so close to one another that nothing could tear us apart - not even if you used a gundanium crowbar to try to pry us apart. Well, maybe one thing...but that's the point here. Like I was saying, we were that inseparable - me, Heero, and Trowa. We were like the `friends for life' three stooges or the `all for one, and one for all' trio, the three musketeers. But never in the whole year and a half had I come to understand the whole package known as Heero Yuy had I seen him this hurt, this miserable, this...broken.

And it was killing me to see him in this state.

His lips barely moved that I'd almost missed what he said next altogether. "I didn't realize how much he hated me until then."

I think I wanted to grab him and smack him senseless for even thinking that.

But I refrained from doing so. His appearance of utter self-hatred and despair overwhelmed me. Perhaps I don't know everything about him. I don't think it's really possible to know *everything* about a person after all, but I do know one thing. I do *not* like seeing him depressed.

Why? Other than the tiny fact that I'm in love with the guy (at least I think I am..), Heero is...Heero is...he's a teenager with the mind of an old guy (like all of us) that just don't deserve any of this shit. And especially after all of the shit we've been through, he at least deserve *some* happiness. They all do.

I just stood there and watched him for a few seconds as his eyes suddenly seemed darker than usual; I didn't know what the hell to do. Something burned painfully within me and I didn't know why I took a step forward. It was like as if my body was moving all on its own but I didn't try to stop myself. The invisible pull towards Heero felt as though it was necessary of me to do so, felt as if it was the right thing to do at the moment.

Before I knew it, my arms had wrapped around him, one arm stroking his back soothingly. "Heero," I whispered, "that's not true. Trowa could never hate you." No one could ever hate you....

I should have thought about what I said before I actually said it. Of all the things I had expected, I did not anticipate the outburst I had received.

He started to shake and the first thing that came to mind was that he was crying. But then, he twisted out of my arms and shoved me back, snarling heatedly at me. I wasn't aware of the stumble back that seated me on the bench, nor the mild dizziness I felt. All I could register then was the pain on his face.

"What do you know! What the hell could you *ever* know! You weren't even fuckin' *there* when it happened so don't you dare tell me any of that bullshit, Duo! Don't you fuckin' dare!"

I felt like as if he had stabbed me. Stabbed me with a dull, wooden spoon. If I hadn't already been sitting down, I couldn't guarantee that I would be standing on my own two legs at the moment.

A small voice in my mind was telling me that he didn't really mean it, telling me that I shouldn't take it seriously because people always say things they regret saying when they're pissed off. But all I could hear was the mantra that had popped out of nowhere.

He's right. I wasn't even there.... When Heero needed me, I wasn't there. I wasn't there…I wasn't there....

I wanted to jump off a cliff just so the sickness I felt would just go away.

"...got to believe me, that's not what I meant...."

It took me awhile to realize that Heero had said something. When it finally clicked in my slow brain, along with a horrified Heero hovering over me, I blinked and looked up at him with a soft smile. I have my good acting skills to thank for summoning up that expression. "It's alright, Heero, I understand. I know what you meant." And I did too. He meant that I wasn't there at that time to see what had happened so I couldn't have known anything. But even knowing that, it still didn't wash away the pain and guilt I felt.

I shook my head and slapped an arm around him. "Heero, Heero, Heero. I swear to God you're such a stick in the mud." He shot me a confused expression. "Look, me, you, and Trowa. We're best friends, right?" He gave me a slow nod, obviously having no clue as to where this conversation was going. "And best friends could never hate one another, right?"

"I guess...." he trailed off, still unsure.

"Mm...how `bout this," I said thoughtfully. "Okay, lessay that I were you and you were Trowa. I really like you a lot, but weren't sure if you liked me. And lessay that if, and I *only* mean *if*, you don't like me, how would you feel then?" The reality of it all...only in truth, I already *know* that he doesn't like me. I wanted to laugh at that. I wanted to cry too.

I felt the urgent need to just get out of here, but I couldn't. It would only rouse more suspicion.

Heero's eyes squinted in a reflective mode. "I guess...sad because I don't feel the same way back and...guilt."

"But not hate, right?" He shook his head. "There, see? I told you Trowa doesn't hate you."

Relief showed on his face, before he frowned again. "So then, why did he just run off without saying anything?"

I tapped my chin for emphasis, now in thinking mode. There were so many off topic things that weaved its way into my mind but I willed myself to focus on the problem at hand. And so I thought. Thought about Trowa, his character and what he would think if someone said such a thing to him. I knew that his social skills weren't any better than Heero's, and he also has trouble expressing himself as well. Maybe...maybe everything was moving too quickly for him and he couldn't handle it.

"I'm not sure, but I think a huge possibility could be that Trowa wasn't used to any of those things. I doubt he's been in a relationship before, so maybe he had no idea, and you surprised him. Maybe that's what made him run off," I suggested.

"Yeah, I think you're right," he concurred. "Maybe I was moving too fast...."

"Hey, don't feel bad. Just talk to him and move at his pace. You guys have all the time you've got. There's no rush at all. Besides, you moving too fast doesn't mean that he doesn't like you," I reasoned. "Trowa's just not comfortable with things yet, y'know?"

"Yeah," he said warmly, "I understand."

"Good," I nodded in satisfaction. "Just remember that I'll be here when ya need me," I winked.

"Duo..." There was that guilty, pained look again.

"Hey, no harm done!" I waved him off dismissively and stood up. "I get whatcha mean, pal, and that's what counts, right?"

He sat there for a couple of seconds staring at me. That only resulted with me giving him a quizzical look. "What, buddy? Do I got ketchup on my face or something?" I grinned.

He only shook his head and then got up as well, giving me a tender smile. The only think I could think of was that it was beautiful. *He* was beautiful. He reminded of a priceless crystal on a window display. Beautiful to see yet out of reach. You stand there, watching it for minutes, hours...admiring its beauty, and can only watch as someone else wraps it up and takes it home. Then both are off, together, without you. Shaking my head with a wistful smile and turning about, before anyone could see it, I headed towards home with Heero following in tow.

"Arigatou, Duo. You're..."

I turned to him, grinning. "I'm what? Irresistible? Charming? Gorgeous? Ah, but of course! How can Duo Maxwell not be!"

"Yeah, all of that and more," he chuckled.

I raised my eyebrow in surprise, before chuckling and dismissing the whole outrageous thought that popped out of the blue. "Y'know, Yuy," I voiced aloud, "if I hadn't known better, I'd have thought you were hitting on me." But only a fool would think that.

"Perhaps...." was his smooth, sly reply. Damn, I did not expect *that* response from him. Even knowing he's only messing with me, I still can't help but flush. I felt surprisingly warm yet angered at the same time. Warm that there could be hope, and angered because only a fool would think there's hope, only to be shot down later without a seconds thought. Damn you, Yuy.

"Is that a *blush*, Maxwell?"

I opened my mouth to protest that it was anything but a blush, however, a loud explosion cut off both of our laughter. We both spun around almost immediately, only to see a second detonation unleash itself a few blocks away at a towering grey building, in the same location as the first. The dark grey smoke filled the air, immediately darkening the sky even more as the fire continued to be ablaze. Heero and I stared, stunned, as it dawned on us what had happened.

"Preventer HQ's!"

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tbc...

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