Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Subjects of My Sanity ❯ Being Nervous ( Chapter 13 )

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Gundam Wing Characters, and all that other good stuff.

Pairings: 1+2, 3+4

Warning: Will be Yaoi. Bad language. Depressing things for characters. heh, ummm

Authors Note: Chapters are going to take a little longer to get out during the Christmas season! Gomen, gomen.

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Being Nervous

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~Subject: Quatre Winner~

Duo is strange. That is my opinion. Though, I do admit that it is very enjoyable hanging out with him. Perhaps it is because we always end up in some weird situation. Like now. We were currently sitting, not really eating, at the diner Duo likes so much. Trowa was sitting across from me, looking over Duo's shoulder and reading the menu. I don't know why they were in such a hurry to feed Wufei. In my opinion, the best thing to do would be to lay low for awhile… wait until he calms down.

I haven't told them about Wufei… about how I saw him that day. It seems like forever ago… maybe because school had not yet started then. The day he came to my home, only to see my father… really. I had almost forgotten about it until now, when I saw where Wufei was living today. Maybe somewhere in my mind, I could not comprehend that it was actually Wufei doing what he does… he seemed so normal. He acts like any regular person… minus the nasty temper.

I sighed, hand coming up to rub at my temples. I've been getting headaches more and more these days. I wonder if it is because of the stress of school and my home life. Or maybe it is just Duo's voice that brings it out. Hmm… now I'm starting to sound like Wufei.

"They've got good sandwiches…"

I droned out Duo's voice, going over the various types of sandwich meats. Looking out the window seemed to be a good distraction. The sky seemed to be getting darker, maybe it was going to rain soon.

"… any blankets?" It took me a minute to realize that Duo had been talking to me. My head snapped in his direction, quick enough to see him give a snort of a chuckle. "Quat, you out of it today?" He asked, reaching over to touch my forehead with a face of mock concern.

I just rolled my eyes before answering with, "I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

"We were asking if you had any spare blankets."

"Umm…" There was plenty at my home… but… I wouldn't know which ones I could take… if I'd get into trouble… what if the maids noticed they were gone?

"I… think so." I ended up saying, then mentally scolded myself for being so weak. I could have just refused! But… it would be like lying, I guess. I don't think that is what friends did.

Duo chuckled again before going back to his menu. Obviously he found my choice of words to be funny. I didn't think anything was wrong with them!

"Ok! Turkey bacon it is!" Duo 'whooped,' before standing up quickly to go make his order at the counter. I think the waitress had given up trying to see if we were ready to order and went to sit by the television like all the other bored servers.

The sound of Heero shifting beside me brought me to look over at him, seeing him eyeing Duo carefully. He had been rather quiet… a lot more than usual. His eyes shifted over towards the door, and I finally was able to recognize what he was doing.

"If you want to leave, now would be your best… and maybe your only chance." I whispered, chuckling slightly as he turned in my direction. He seemed to think it over for a minute, but ended up just slouching down in his seat with a heavy sigh.

That was odd, maybe he really did not want to leave.

"Duo would get mad." I almost missed that. It was said at such a low volume, almost a whisper. Yeah, Duo would get mad, but why would Heero care now, when he hadn't cared much about making Duo angry before? My eyes trailed down, noticing that Heero was still wearing that sweater… or put in back on. He wasn't shivering like usual, which was a good sign.

I hadn't realized I had been staring so long at Heero until he turned to glare at me. I guess he was getting a little uncomfortable under my gaze, though, I hadn't really meant to irritate him. I smiled apologetically before turning to see what Trowa was doing. He was writing in his notebook… wait, I think he was drawing. Yes, his hand was moving across the page too many times for it to be letters.

Like Heero, he noticed my staring and looked up at me. He didn't glare though. Yes, much nicer than Heero… and a lot less creepy. Instead, he just smiled at me. It wasn't a big smile, you could barely call it one… really. I looked away, for some reason feeling a little uncomfortable meeting his gaze. That was a first, I usually am the one to initiate and keep eye contact with people… something my father told me. People like to know that you are paying attention to them and eye contact is one of the best ways. Yeah, another one of his business tips pushed down upon me.

Duo came back, saving me from my annoying thoughts. He had a white paper bag in his hand, smiling at us as he stood at the edge of the table.

"Well… I guess we should go." He didn't sound so sure anymore. Maybe he finally came to my conclusion that this was not going to lead to good.

"Are you sure Duo? I mean… Wufei didn't really seem to want us to…" My voice trailed off, eyes lowering to the ground.

"Ah, Don't worry about it so much Q!"

I sighed, this was going to be very interesting. I was starting to picture some very scary things, like a braid flying off the school roof, or Duo tumbling down the stairs. Heh, that last one was actually pretty funny.

I trailed a little ways behind them as we made our way back in the direction of the school. I hadn't walked so much in a long time. Usually I get taken places by car. I guess it was good exercise, but I was starting to get tired again.

Thankfully, Duo seemed to forget the whole idea of getting blankets. I really wasn't fond of the idea of them coming over to my house. It would be easier to just bring them, if Duo still wanted them, some other day. They probably already figure that I was well off, seeing as the clothes I wear even looked expensive. Most of my wardrobe is like what I'm wearing now, white button up shirt and black pants. My father seemed to think that all you need is a white shirt and black pants and you can fit in anywhere. But, I really did not want them to see my house… maybe it's because I hate it so much. The giant waste of space on that expensively large lot.

Ok… I was wrong about Duo's forgetfulness.

"Quatre! We got to go to your place now, right?" Duo asked, turning to look at me with a big smile.

Oh drat… this was definitely going to be interesting… in a bad way. If interesting things can even be bad…

"Uh… yeah. Turn right on the next street." I said, eyes downcast to the cement walkway. "It will be a long walk…"

"Don't worry about it! Not like we have anything else to do."

Damnit, I was actually starting to figure out why Heero and Wufei always ran from Duo. It's because he's so damn pushy!

I sighed, clearing my head of any other angry thoughts that might be there. Duo was only trying to help Wufei, I was just acting like a spoiled kid I guess. Not all things can go the way I wanted.

The trip to my home was eventful. Duo had decided we play a word game… though, it ended up being, 'Lets question Heero' instead.

"So Heero…" Duo looked back from where he had been walking slightly ahead, giving the Japanese boy a impish grin. "Where do you live?"

Heero's eyes widened slightly. I think mine did also, because Duo had just asked something he already knew the answer for. A couple seconds went by before Heero answered, only with a shrug.

"Hm. Ok then…" Yeah, that didn't seem to faze Duo at all. "What is your favorite color?"

I smiled, this was definitely starting to get amusing. Duo was probably going to switch off asking personal questions to stupid ones. I do believe he was trying to hide his plan by asking other dumb questions along with the important ones. Though, I am pretty sure Heero was not so stupid as to fall for it.

To my surprise Heero actually answered the first 'dumb' question.

"Neon Pink." We all stopped in our tracks to gape at him, disbelieving. Yeah ,very shocking for Heero to like… wait… ok, he was smirking now. Damn, he made a joke and I fell for it!

Duo burst out laughing, clutching his hands to his stomach. "Yeah… just like Relena, right?" He didn't wait for an answer, probably knowing that none would come, so he asked his next question. "How old are you?"

"Same age as you."

I couldn't help but chuckle at Heero's response. I don't think Duo was going to get any straight answers. But, it was much more amusing this way anyway.

"Uh huh…" Duo put his hands to his chin as he thought. He was now walking evenly with the rest of us, instead of his normal frontal position. "So… what's your middle name?"

"I…" Heero's eyebrows came together slightly, as if confused about something. "I don't know."

"Eh? How can you n…" Duo stopped his words, as if coming to the realization that maybe he shouldn't pry into that any further. "That's alright, doesn't matter…. so what is your favorite animal?"

Duo didn't really ask anymore personal stuff from Heero until we were already turning down my street. I lifted my eyes that were trailing the ground to stare at Duo as he asked, "Do you like Relena?"

Heero's eyes widened a tiny, tiny bit before shaking his head back and forth quickly. "No."

"Hmm…" Duo was smiling, though I don't know why. His eyes were looking at Heero filled with something like mischief. "And why not?"

Heero just glared at Duo, crossing his arms as he did so.

"You don't think she's… pretty?"

Heero snorted.

I was beginning to think he would be really good at imitating Trowa, what with how he barely talks and all. Speaking of Trowa, he was standing next to me, seemingly uninterested in this conversation. That was a first. I thought he would have enjoyed seeing Heero put under the spot. Instead, he seemed to be interested in the gate next to us, aligned with perfectly cut bushes, in perfect rectangles. We were on my property now. That thought only made my stomach churn.

"You know… everyone thinks that you and Relena are hitting it off."

"Hn."

"That doesn't bother you?"

"….."

"Maybe you should talk to her, tell her your not interested."

"No."

"Eh? Does that mean you really are interested?"

"Duo…" Heero was really flustered right about now. Duo's insistent questions were even starting to give me a headache.

"Or is it that you don't like girls at…"

"Duo, I think you've tortured Heero enough for today." I interrupted him and his pestering, hoping that our arrival at my front gate would shut him up as well. Maybe give him something else to think about.

"Fuck… this is your place Q?" Duo looked to me with wide eyes. I guess he was the only on that hadn't realized that I was well off.

"Aa… can… could you…" I bit my lip, trying to think of the best way to not sound rude with my question in mind.

"We'll stay out here." Heero's voice startled me into looking at him, but his words had me sighing with relief. Truthfully, I wouldn't have felt comfortable if they went in with me… there was always the chance that my father might be around, back from his business trips early or something.

"Eh? But I wanted to see his pad!" Duo looked really disappointed, looking from Heero to me with a pout.

"Were staying here." Heero's said to Duo, voice giving no room to argue. I was slightly surprised at his change in behavior. Usually he didn't stand up to Duo at all.

I headed off into the house after sending Heero a small smile in thanks. I thought about him while grabbing some blankets inside. Heero must have known that I was uncomfortable having them see my house, just like he would be uncomfortable having us know where he lived. I guess, people in similar situations can relate somehow.

I was in a much better mood as I walked down the hallways of my home. Maybe it was because I didn't run into my father, nor any of the servants while grabbing the blankets. I only stopped as I came to my bedroom door, deciding that maybe I should get some other supplies. Walking into the room, the first place I went was my bottom drawer in the closet. That was where I kept my… normal clothes. Well, ordinary people clothes. All the rest of the drawers were filled with the things my father picked out. Fancy expensive things.

I sighed, grabbing the three shirts and two pairs of jeans within. That was all I had of the inexpensive stuff… but I think Wufei needed it more then me and my attempt at fitting into the lower class society. I just hoped he wouldn't mind the color blue, a blue tank top to be exact.

"Hmm…" I eyed the white pants that were in my hand. They would be a little baggy… but would fit him none the less, so I stuffed it into the folds of the blankets, along with the pair of jeans and other shirts. I then started my way out, down the halls and out the door where my friends would be waiting.

It took relatively long to get back to the school, seeing as I've never walked, only taken the bus before. It was almost dark by the time we hopped the now closed gate, making our way once again to the back of the school, where Wufei would be…. and probably angrier than hell that we disturbed him once again.

I started fidgeting slightly as we stepped up the darkened stairwell. I wonder if there was even a light up in that storage closet? Just thinking about sitting up their in the dark was making me nervous.

Duo stopped abruptly at the top of the stairs. I would have bumped into him if it wasn't for Trowa, grabbing my arm to slow me down. I was about to ask why he had stopped, when I noticed that he was looking off to the side, where the top of the roof could be seen.

A figure was sitting, crossed legged at the edge of the roof. I knew it was Wufei, I could easily tell because of the lack of shadows up here, making it easier to see. The strange thing was, Wufei turned his head, looking over in our direction and he didn't seem the least bit surprised to see us. That's when I realized that he probably had watched us walking up the stairs from where he sat on the ledge.

Wufei got up, silently walking towards us. I could hear as Duo took a deep breath, as if preparing himself for whatever Wufei was going to say. But, he didn't say anything to us, just walked past us, motioning for us to follow as he came to the storage room door.

It was a little relieving to see the candle burning from inside. It didn't light up the room that much, but it was a whole lot better than sitting in the dark. We all scrambled into the small room, sitting down on the floor as Wufei did. He still hadn't said anything, as if waiting for us to start.

Of course, Duo once again saved us from the uncomfortable silence.

"We… uh… brought you something to eat."

I instinctively held in my breath, a little frightened that Wufei might get mad… maybe not like getting our… charity. But, to my surprise, he only raised an eyebrow slightly before taking the wrapped sandwich Duo had held before him. "Oh, and Q brought you some blankets."

I felt my face get a little warm. I don't know why. Maybe it was because I was really getting nervous just thinking about what would happen if Wufei chose to get mad at me. He just sighed though, then nodded his head in thanks. I chose not to tell him about the clothes wrapped in the blankets. Thinking that he might find it too much.

He must have calmed down while we were gone, which was a big relief, but his silence was starting to get unnerving. I think Duo was getting irritated by it as well, because he started speaking, "So… are you going to tell us…"

Thankfully, Wufei actually responded, though it was only to interrupt Duo with a calm, "No."

"Well there has to be a reason…"

"No."

"Wufei come on!"

"No."

They went on like that for a couple more minutes, causing me to chuckle. This was definitely familiar. Wufei getting aggravated by Duo and treating him like an idiot. I was feeling a little better, especially after seeing Wufei actually smirk at the irritation Duo was giving off.

"Gah! Are you not going to give me 'any' answers?" Duo asked, head tilted backwards towards the ceiling.

"No…" After hearing Duo growl slightly, he added, "It is not of your concern."

That did it. Duo stood up quickly, looking angrily to Wufei. I would have taken a step back if I was standing, but I went for leaning away instead.

"Not my concern!?" Duo huffed, fists clenching slightly. He opened his mouth as if to say something, maybe yell at Wufei for not giving him any answers, but instead he just took a deep breath and slowly unclenched his fists.

I heard Heero snort from beside me and looked over to see his lips twisted upward in amusement.

I couldn't hold back the relieved sigh that escaped my lips as Duo calmed down. Closing my eyes, I rubbing my temples as I felt a headache coming on. I really needed to take a vacation… away from all of them. They really like to make me nervous, don't they?

The rest of the time spent up at Wufei's temporary home went much the same. Duo trying to get answers from Wufei without getting mad. Wufei actually found it amusing. I guess figuring out Duo's weakness was a thrill for him. It seems that one of the things that bugged Duo the most was secrets and surprises. He couldn't stand the fact that Wufei would not tell him his 'secret'… if you could even call it that. I guess it was… though… and I was just as curious as Duo. Had Wufei been living on his own for a long time? Is that why he had to sell himself? To get money to survive?

Yeah, I think I was starting to wish Wufei would tell us what was going on. But, I know he would not… because… there are things even I would never tell them… things that are just too personal. Like my relationship with my dad… like my problems at home. Maybe it is because I don't want sympathy… or any help…

"Ah! It's so late!" Duo jumped up suddenly, causing me to lose my train of thought. "Fuck! Damnit! I am so fucking dead!"

I cringed as Duo said that. We had all witnessed the cut on his face as he came downstairs that one night. We had all probably came to the same conclusion about where he had gotten it. Would that happen again… since he would be late in getting home?

"Will you be alright, Duo?" I asked, concern clearly showing in my voice.

He just rubbed the back of his head, eyes closing with a sigh. "Yeah… it's nothing. Just missed my curfew is all." He started towards the door, pulling it open with a loud creak. "See ya tomorrow, Wu!" He managed to say in his usual cheerful voice, but I could tell he was straining it a bit. He quickly stepped out, Heero following close behind. I guess he felt there was no reason to stick around if Duo wasn't there.

Trowa seemed to realize that it was probably time to go also, for he walked to the door, nodding his head in Wufei's direction, a silent goodbye. Trowa then looked at me, still sitting on the floor, his eyes looking to me in question.

"I'll just be a minute." I said, getting off the ground with a soft smile in Trowa's direction. He seemed to take the hint and stepped out, leaving me alone with Wufei.

The Chinese boy was looking at me with a raised eyebrow now. I could also see his hands were clutched tightly around the materials of his pants… a nervous gesture. Was he afraid of what I would say to him? He must have been worrying still about me seeing him at my home. I wish I could have gotten the courage to at least talk to him… make him not so jumpy around me.

I took a deep breath, opening the door, but not quite stepping out. I looked to him and tried to put on a comforting smile, trying to reassure him, silently, that I would not say anything to the others about him.

"If you need anything…" I started.

Wufei nodded his head.

I left it at that, nodding also in response and stepping out into the dark.

I shivered as I made my way down the stairs. No one seemed to be in sight and I really did not enjoy walking by myself. I moved quickly through the school grounds, cursing myself for leaving later then everyone else. I could have walked with them! At least out of this darkness!

As I slowly climbed to the top of the front gate of the school, I noticed the figure across the street. This seemed to startle me a little too much and I ended up toppling forward, eyes wide, as I fell to the ground below. Though, I didn't seem to be in much pain…

Ah… the figure had caught me! Ok, so I had realized by now that it was actually Trowa who was setting me on my feet again, green eyes looking me over for injuries. I blushed, noticing how close he was and the location of his hand. He left his hand on my arm for a couple seconds longer before backing away, as if finally satisfied that I was not hurt.

I felt a little better that he had waited for me and a little pleased, but I could not stop the pounding of my heart or the blush that was most likely on my face as we started walking. Thankfully, it was dark out, or I would probably be on the receiving end of a confused Trowa stare. Who knows what he would have thought if he had seen me in that state!

Yeah… what would he have thought? That I was blushing because… because he had caught me? Wouldn't that seem strange? Why was I really so flustered?

I knew the reason… it was obvious, but I could not accept it. Even if I found Trowa somewhat attractive… it could never work out… I could not like guys… not anymore.

I had a mission… and I would not fail. I needed to be normal… I needed to… I had to stop liking people like Trowa. It was wrong… it was like my father. And… I did not want to be like him.

Because…

My mother might have still been alive… if only my father had loved her… if only…

TBC.

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Ok, Sorry there are no Review responses. I have no time really! Going on vacation for Christmas to see relatives in the south! I hope you liked this chapter, the other one should be up in a week or so. Please review! Tell me what you think! Like my story? Think it is getting… boring? ^.^