Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Subjects of My Sanity ❯ Lonely Sleep ( Chapter 17 )

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Gundam Wing Characters, and all that other good stuff.

Pairings: 2+1, 3+4

Warning: Will be Yaoi in later chapters. Bad language. Depression. Scary deformed men. ^.^

Authors Note: Please Review!

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Lonely Sleep

'(\/),

~Subject: Duo~

You know, when you get hit in the stomach, wind knocked out of your lungs, it really hurts. The one thing running through my mind as a fist was slammed against me was, 'ah shit.' Yes, Duo Maxwell had once again managed to thoroughly piss off his parents.

I don't know why they- or should I say he- had been getting really touchy lately. Well, 'touchy' might be putting it lightly. I'll just say that it seems like no matter what I did, he was hitting an screaming at me. I admit this time I was at fault… well… a little. Hitting your kid for being late home isn't really a normal thing… but… ah screw it, I hate the damn bastard anyway. But he wouldn't understand if I told him that it was actually his fault I was late in the first place. It was both of their fault that I hated coming home… feared it.

Why was I even lying on the floor analyzing why they put me here anyway? Something was definitely wrong with me.

My father moved over to where I had dropped, after a kick to the side he left me to pick myself back up and limp down to my cold basement room, alone. As I dragged myself through the living room doorway, I stole one more quick glance, seeing my father and mother now sitting by the television, seemingly amused by one of the comedy shows. Yeah… ok, so they forgot about me that quickly. I've seen it a million times, but it never fails to make my chest tighten, eyes sting a little. Anger I could deal with. I could deal with them being upset at me, maybe even curse me under their breaths for a couple hours… but forgetting about me… I just…

Light poured through the room as I flicked the switch and started the slow descent down. Looking around, I quickly noted that everything was where it should be. I half expected the room to be torn apart… but like always, my parents hadn't been down here. I don't know why I couldn't give up on them… on them actually acknowledging me as their son. Showing some feelings other than hate towards me.

My feet unconsciously carried me over to my hard bed. Pain lanced through me as I sat, causing my features to scowl up as I winced. The pain in my stomach was nothing now though, the one in my chest was far worse. I tried to ignore both, deciding to think about something else and get my mind off my own problems.

As I slid under the covers, head falling lightly to my old musty pillow, my thoughts drifted towards Heero. I had had fun that day… seeing the different side of him… the one he hadn't shown me before. There was probably a lot about him that I didn't know and I planned on figuring it out, forcing him to show me his other selves.

My eyes closed, mind displaying pictures of Heero's room. It wasn't much… but somehow… I liked it. The small space, closed in walls… it didn't seem so empty… not like my room. The silence wasn't thick, didn't drive one mad. Not once did I have to suppress the urge to scream, to fill in the silence. And when one actually talks… the voice… it doesn't echo to announce the emptiness.

I remembered laying next to Heero. I could easily hear him… breathing from beside me. It should have annoyed me that he seemed so close… so much closer than I was used to… but I liked it. I like Heero. Heero's different. A change. It was calming.

My eyes stung. My chest started to tighten and I clenched my fists against the pillows as the deep breaths escaped through my mouth. This was typical for me, typical suppression of my tears. I would not cry… I hated crying. My chest just tightened even more at the thought of shedding tears and I found myself unconsciously clamping my nails into my palms… bringing back the pain. Pain would make me forget… pain would stop me from crying. Boy's should not… they do not cry. I figured Heero had never in his lifetime become so low as I am now. To hate yourself so much it hurts… to hate this life…. the life I was born into.

I wanted more than anything to go back to where he was at that moment. To go back to his life… the simple one… the not so lonely room at the back of the orphanage. The place where people would leave me alone… only Heero would find me. But I didn't go back, even though I knew that I could. Just a hop out the window and I would be free of this place. I could have run away… but instead, I stayed down in my dark basement, staring blindly at the ceiling. I fell asleep in an exhausted emotional mess. The only comforting thoughts being that tomorrow would be different… tomorrow something good might happen.

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The walk to school that next morning shouldn't have been as hard as it was. But my feet just didn't seem to want to move any faster and my mind was too meshed up to command those disobedient feet to speed up. The bell had already rung by the time I stepped into the school grounds, not that I cared all that much.

I actually forgot about my class and being late for a little while, for my attention was easily swayed to the people standing by the front gate of the school. Two big… uh, homeless men? You really could barely call their clothes even clothes, so there was a good possibility that they were not the job type people.

Of course, my curiosity had just risen a few notches, so I decided to see what they wanted. Both men were leaning against the wall as I approached, back facing me as they watched the many late students scramble into the doors of the building.

"Oy!" My loud voice must have startled them for a second, because both jumped up into a defensive stance. That should have been amusing to me, seeing them all jumpy and such, but I didn't think that they were the type to appreciate a small freshman laughing at them.

A scowl appeared upon the first guys ugly face. His lips tightening slightly as he looked me over for a couple seconds. "Whad'ya want kid?" He asked, eyes darting to his partner for a second. If I didn't know any better, I'd think they were planning on jumping me or something. Maybe I would have my head bleeding on the sidewalk five minutes from now.

Of course, I just threw that idea right out. I didn't think they would have the guts to hurt me, maybe kidnap me out here in the open where any teacher or student could see. "Shouldn't I be asking 'you' that question?" I finally asked, voice lining with unintentional sarcasm.

The second guy, who I unconsciously labeled as thug number two, spit on the ground just then, before replying with, "It none o' yer busy ness kid." His accent was so thick that it took me a couple seconds to thread together his words into actual sense.

Before I could answer to that, maybe demand that, yes, it was my business, damnit! Everything is my business! The first thug guy spoke up.

"We looking fer someone."

My eyes widened slightly, looking between the two of them for a couple seconds before deciding that, yeah, I should really be getting out of there… now.

"Hmm… well I hope you find him! Have a nice day!" Of course, I just had to screw that up, now didn't I?

"We dint say we was looking fer a 'him'" The first thug stated suspiciously, blocking off my path. "I think… mayve… yes, we could use yer help, li'l boy."

Ok, I had definitely stayed one minute too long. Why did I always manage to get into these messes? Thinking about Wufei being pursued just kinda made me jumpy and I screwed up with the whole 'escaping, get out of there' thing! I had said that they were looking for a 'he' because that had been what I was assuming. They were after Wufei. But… they shouldn't have taken that dumb slip up so seriously! I mean, anyone would think that two big ugly guys were after a male. Thinking they were after a female would kinda be… well… you know… not right.

"You know…" I started, eyed darting around quickly for someone to use as an escape. "I would have loved to help you in your… uh, search. But, I happen to be very, very late for my first hour class. And you know how teachers get when one of their students is missing. They are probably sending someone to look for me right now!" I sounded like some scared chicken right then. Not that I minded much. I'd do anything to get out of there, and fast. The chances of them actually having gone to school were looking slim, so I just prayed that they would fall for my pathetic excuse for a lie and let me through.

"Is that right?" The second thug asked. He looked over to his partner, lips twisting up into a hideous smirk. "Whad'ya think we should do Benzie? Let em' through? Or-"

His words were cut off as a teacher walked into view then. She was probably coming out to close the gate like they sometimes did. Before the thugs could do anything further, I was slipping past them and running in the direction of my classroom.

What a damn crappy morning!

Thankfully the teacher let me off with a warning as I slid through the door in the middle of a lecture. Heero was there, making me feel a little better when he gave a small nod in my direction. After I was calmed down and situated, my mind couldn't help but slide towards the two men out front. What they were doing there was a good question. I had a fairly good idea, but for some reason I did not want to think that thought, seeing as it would mean that Wufei was really in some serious trouble.

I admit, I had been a little unbelieving at first, when he confessed to being in trouble. It just didn't seem right for him to be caught up with… murder? Death? Crazy psycho bosses?

Ugh, just let me bang my head on the desk now in peace! Yeah, that was exactly what I ended up doing, causing Quatre to chuckled slightly as he walked over to me. I looked around for a second, confused for a moment before realizing that the lecture was over… probably had been over for some time now. Everyone was talking amongst themselves, socializing while waiting for the bell to ring. Interesting… I'll have to try this 'getting lost in your thoughts' thing more often.

"You alright Duo?" He asked, mouth quirking up into one of his cute little smirks.

"Oh, just peachy Q." I mumbled, voice sounding a little more annoyed than expected.

He just chuckled again, moving to sit in the desk in front of me. His good humor didn't seem to last long though, for both our attention was sucked into the gloomy looking Wufei up front. One could hear his loud sighs from all the way across the room. I would have gone over, maybe bugged him to take his mind off his problems, but for some reason… he seemed like he wanted to be left alone. That shouldn't have stopped me… but I was actually feeling just the same.

Quatre didn't seem to share my thought, for he walked quickly over to Wufei, face shriveled up with concern. "Wufei? Are you ok?"

Poor Quatre. He really seemed to be trying hard. It isn't his fault no one ever answers his nervous questions truthfully! Wufei just sat there, shrugging his shoulders once before going back to thinking about whatever it was he was… thinking about. He sighed again, just as Quatre was retreating, mouth opening to mumble some of his thoughts. I barely caught the soft, "I need to get out of hear."

My mouth twisted up slightly, forming a smile, though a sad smile it was. I knew Wufei wasn't just talking about school… like so many people would think… he was talking about 'here' in general… this town… maybe this state. One things was for sure, if those two greasy guys outside were really looking for Wufei, then he should be taking off rather quickly.

Quatre attempted to make small talk with me for the rest of the hour. I complied as best I could, even though I wished he would leave me alone to my thoughts. I know he was just trying to cheer me up, maybe take his mind off his own problems as well, so I let him ramble off a few times. During one of these one sided speeches by Quatre, about the cafeteria food being too bland, my eyes caught site of Relena Peacecraft. She was sitting in the front of the room with a couple girls gathered around her, petting the back of her pink dress softly.

This confused me for a minutes, before I noticed that she was shaking, hands covering her mouth and attempting to wipe her eyes at the same time. She was crying. And she was doing so in front of everyone. It must have been pretty bad… whatever it was.

Instinctively, my eyes moved to the back of the room, where Heero was currently sitting, slouched down in his seat, head tilted to the side. He was looking to Relena also, with a blank expression on his face. That expression quickly changed though when he caught my gaze, caught my raised eyebrow. I looked from the now startled boy, then back to Relena once more. She was still sobbing, now seemingly even louder. When I turned back towards Heero, he was rolling his eyes at the girl, shrugging his shoulders at my questioning glance.

I guess he really didn't care for her much.

Maybe it was the thick clouds in the sky, the dark atmosphere outside that caused the gloominess within the people today. And somehow I couldn't help but think that this day was not going to end up like normal. Relena crying… Wufei in a state of depression, Heero…. avoiding me more than usual. Quatre, rubbing his head more than not, Trowa seemingly distant for the hundredth time that day… something was seriously wrong here.

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~Subject: Trowa~

Normal… it seemed, back then, that normality was an impossible for me. It was something I would never be, something impossible to catch. That by possibly stepping into my shoes there would always be things not like the rest of the people. I was a little more than wrong on that thought. Now, for some reason, I look back and think that I 'was' pretty normal… in a weird sense. I was just like the rest of them, living under the government law, behaving as they told me to. Only one difference was my not speaking, something people could not seem to figure out. They made fun of me behind my back, I'm sure, calling me the weird kid. People just can't seem to grasp the concept that I am like this for a reason, and that reason won't be shared with anyone.

But right now… today, I could tell you that my life is nothing but troublesome. Nothing compared to how it had been. It all started with one meeting… I guess. It all started with four introductions and a problem or two that brought us together. I hadn't really regretted meeting them though. As crazy as some of them seem. I like how things have turned out… though… the troubles are still far from over.

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As odd as it would appear, I think I had actually been frowning. A simple mistake, forgetfulness on my part I assure you. Duo had been looking at me strangely for awhile now, and I couldn't help but think that it was because of my odd behavior. Yes, I'll admit that I was acting a little strange. For the past thirty minutes I had been staring at Quatre and Hilde from across the lunch room table. That girl had been non stop flirting with him, making jokes, laughing, talking about some movie thing. My eyes were glued to the both of them, an uneasy feeling growing in the pit of my stomach as I watched. The only reason I could come up with for my odd behavior, was for the fact that Quatre was starting to worry me.

People are not suppose to smile when they are not happy. That is just something that one should not do. But there sat Quatre, mouth twisting upwards, laughter coming out that was obviously strained. I didn't understand why he was putting up a front. I guess…. it could be unintentional. A lot of people do that… Wufei, Duo, Heero. I couldn't really say if I did or not, if I hide behind a false mask. But what is the purpose of them? To make people feel better? To stop the sympathy that could come if you were to show the real emotions deep within?

Now that I think back, Quatre had probably done this all along. The same fake smile that reminded me of Duo… how Duo had smiled that one day when we first met. Just by looking at him, the braided boy would appear to be fine, normal. But this was all just the highly trained mask he wears… or is it? I can't really tell you if the smiles that light up his face when Heero walks into the room are genuine or not. They could be set to cause people less worry… Heero less worry.

In some way… Duo reminds me of myself. The way I see him, always trying to pry into peoples lives, find out the answers… to help them. My methods have been completely different… but were to the same goal none the less. I study people's actions, their habits, to see what makes them… themselves. I pry without asking questions, I help in a completely different way… by being someone who will listen. At one point, I felt that Duo needed to be watched, needed someone to listen to him. Needed attention. But seeing as he had calmed, he had stopped his weird, almost frightening behavior, I had loosened up on keeping my eye on him. It could have been because of Heero… the boy who at first seemed completely angry with the world, the people. I had watched him at times, glaring at anyone who were to walk in his path. Those looks had almost stopped… those looks were now reserved towards Duo, the boy who won't shut up. The boy who barely leaves his side these days.

Unconsciously, I had been spending more time with Quatre. This was how I discovered the saddened boy he really was. His habits of chewing on his lip, squinting his eyes at questions, rubbing his head, the many sighs he lets out a day. He seemed to be exhausting himself. I did not know why… or if he was even sleeping at night. The rings under his eyes had yet to darken, so I wondered what it was that was bothering him so much. I know he tries to hide it from everyone, but he always failed to put up a front in the presence of me, maybe because he forgets I am there sometimes. But, because of that, I was able to watch as his smile dropped… during class, during break… I was able to see the look of exhaustion that always appears on his face.

"Wufei?" Quatre's voice startled me from my thoughts. He was looking at Wufei now, mask gone, frown now on his face. I had missed this transaction when so lost in my thoughts. "What's that?" The blond asked, pointing towards something in Wufei's hand. The Chinese boy looked startled for a minute before spreading his palm out to show us the black object he had been playing with, rubbing between his fingers for the past hour.

"I don't know." He said, pushing what looked to be a tiny black metal box closer in our direction.

When I finally pried my eyes away from the weird thing, I noticed that Quatre had frozen in his seat, eyebrows crinkling together as if in deep thought. Whatever he was thinking about, it did not look to be good.

"Do you know what this is?" Wufei asked, almost in a demanding tone. His loud voice had claimed Duo and Heero's attention now, for they had stopped eating to peer at the object as well.

"What's inside of it?" Duo asked, reaching over in attempt to grab the box. His hand didn't get far though, for Wufei snatched the object back up and put it in his pocket again, all the while, never taking his eyes of Quatre.

"Do you know what it is?" He repeated.

Quatre blinked several times, quickly coming out of his daze. "I've… I think I've seen it before." He admitted, fidgeting slightly under the intense stare Wufei had on him. "My father."

Wufei seemed to freeze up where he sat, eyes widening for a split second before a look of anger replaced the surprise. "Your father had it." He growled.

I was starting to get really confused as to what was going on here. Wufei was acting as if he knew who Quatre's father was. That startled look just moments ago was obvious enough that they had some sort of… encounter.

"He…" Quatre's blue eyes dropped to the floor, eyebrows crinkling even more than earlier as he gathered his voice. "I saw him give… something similar to that… to a weird looking man."

I wouldn't have imagined that Wufei could have possibly looked as pale, almost sick as he did then. "What did he look like?" He asked, words coming out so quickly and desperately that I almost missed them.

"I didn't really get a good look…"

"Anything?" Wufei was leaning towards Quatre now, palms flat across the surface of the table. "Do you remember anything that stuck out about him?"

I think being under the strain of Wufei's heavy questioning was starting to make Quatre nervous. He was rubbing his palms together shakily as he stumbled over the words, "His thick accent… and… and I think he… well, he was sort of hunched over. I don't know if I was just imagining it… I think… he kind of walked weird… also."

"A hunched man?" I looked up to see Duo leaning his head back against the chair, humming as he tried to process this weird conversation like I was.

Wufei hadn't said anything after that, only nodded when Quatre asked if he had knew him. The atmosphere had turned really uncomfortable from there and no one stayed to completely finish their lunches. It was Wufei, mainly, who made us leave. The unvoiced request… telling us that he wanted to be left alone.

Somehow, as I sat in class, thinking over the conversation at lunch, I had a feeling that there was definitely pieces missing to this whole story. Wufei and Quatre… I felt that they were hiding something from us… that there was a lot more going on between them then they were telling.

It sounded stupid. It was just a concerned thought for the two of them. But that feeling stuck, even as I watched them from the distance, Quatre rubbing his head, Wufei's eyes glazed over in hard thought. Even as I watched Duo from afar, watching him try to open Heero up to no avail… I felt that something was going to happen… maybe involving all of us. I don't know… it was just a crazy thought… a stupid feeling, really.

TBC.

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Ok, next chapter is really where the action starts to come. Hope you liked this one! Please review and tell me what you thought, I do not mind criticism. Your opinions would really help a lot!

Review responses:

Nekocin: Thanks for Reviewing. I barely get anyone reviewing from Media. So double thanksss! Glad you liked my story. More angst to come! Especially in the next chapter. gyahahaha!