Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ T-shirts and Mini Skirts ❯ T-shirts and Mini Skirts ( One-Shot )

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Dream Keeper: Well folks, standard yada. I do not own Gundam Wing. *sniffs* I wish I did but I don't. The G-boys and girls belong to their respectable owners. I am just using them for this twisted fic. I promise to return them, only slightly worse for the wear when we're through with them. Um…. Anything else?

Christa: Yes! We are not making any money off of the shirt sayings. Don't know if they're copywrite or not, but just in case. Anyway, this is supposed to be absolutely hilarious! It was an off the cuff inspiration, helped along by our sister, Angel Yuy!

Dream Keeper: *hugs sister until she turns blue* We were just sitting around talking about another fic I had an idea for and somehow poker came up so we figured, "Hey, what would happen if the g-boys matched the g-girls in a card game?"

Christa: *evil grin* So here it is! Hope you enjoy! (its our first bit of writing in FOREVER!)

Angel Yuy: *pops in and sees what they're writing* *look of pity* I feel sorry for the poor g-boys! *gains a sadistic grin* *rubs hands together* This should be fun!

"Blah" = speech (No duh!)

/Blah/ = thoughts

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Dedicated to: All the people who have gotten themselves into hilarious trouble and bore it with a smile.

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Heero stared at his cards and cursed silently to himself. His hand was NOT good, but it was too late for him to back out. If he did he would not only loose face, but forfeit his only chance of walking away from the game with his pride intact.

/Ten of diamonds, three of clubs, seven of spades… All I need is an ace and I'm sure to win! But if I go over…/ He weighed his luck carefully against the way the game was already flowing and decided to see if Lady Luck would be on his side. Silently he looked his opponent in the eye, marking the assured curve of her smile, took a deep breath, and reached for the last card he would draw that night.

It had started out innocently enough. Relena had invited Heero and the other guys over to her apartment for the night to relax, or so she said. When they arrived Hilde, Catherine, Sally, and Dorothy were already there. It hadn't seemed all that unusual, except for the fact that two sides of opposing forces were in the same room together. Relena had immediately made them all swear off any ties with war for the night and gotten all of them to relax and have fun.

***

/We should have known better than to trust that conniving little witch./ Duo thought as he surveyed what had just become his utter loss. He'd busted on his hand by three. /Fuck, I have always been the best at cards! How the HELL did she beat me?/ he wondered as he cast a look at Hilde. Maybe if he bluffed he could make her bust also and it would become a draw.

/Ha! Like they'd ever let it? Wasn't it Hilde who'd suggested we play cards?! Oh yes, it started innocently enough…/

Eventually they had gotten board with trading jokes that they'd all heard a million times and started getting rowdy. That was when Hilde suggested they play cards. Duo had suggested poker, but neither Relena nor Dorothy knew how to play, so they'd all agreed to start on easy games that everyone knew. Go-fish had been the starter and, much to their initial surprise, Heero had needed to learn how to play. After he'd gotten the basics though they were off and having fun.

***

/Yes, loads of fun,/ Wufei mentally grumbled to himself as he tried to decide what to do. His hand was at sixteen total, but he did not know whether he wanted to hit or stand. His chances of winning were not good either way.

/This is injustice! We should be playing games of intellect, not chance! Games of chance are only for those weaklings who are too weak to play more advanced games, and therefore _must_ play weak games like this. It is weak! Oh, it started innocently enough!…/

Sally had been the one to suggest they up-the-anti. "Why not play something more exciting?" she'd suggested, a hint of mirth in her voice. The boys, already board again with children's games, had readily agreed to playing on teams. But what to play? Go fish, whether you played pairs or books, just couldn't be done on teams. Neither could Egyptian Rat Screw. Amazingly enough Relena had suggested Bullshit, but again, couldn't be played on teams. So Sally, who'd been listening to their talk, had suggested Black Jack.

***

/And that's what got us into this mess in the first place./ Quatre rationalized as he pondered what to do. He was two away from a Black Jack, but his opponent was looking rather smug. /Does she already have it? Or does she think I'm going to loose _another_ hand? Well, my luck has been going rather well tonight./ He grimaced. /On second thought, maybe it wasn't when I agreed to this. Yes, it started out innocently enough…/

When Sally suggested Black Jack, Dorothy had immediately seized upon the idea. But there was still one problem. _How_did_it_work_in_teams?_ Dorothy had solved it simply. They would play on teams with accumulative points, but they would also play one on one. The teams would be divided girls vs. boys. Everyone had agreed to that.

Heero and Relena had paired as opponents, then Duo and Hilde, Trowa and Catherine, Quatre and Dorothy, and lastly Wufei and Sally. They had just been dealt their hands and were getting ready to pick them up when Cathy spoke up.

***

/I've always pictured Cathy as quiet, and reserved until she gets angry, but sweet. I never thought she had that side to her. And never did I think she was this good at betting. When did she learn this? I tried to teach her last year and she didn't know. Now she is royally beating me./ Trowa mused as he looked down at his hand. Already, three cards in, he only had 11. His next card got him up to 14.

/So now what? Do I draw again? It couldn't hurt. Draw under 16 stand at 17. That's the best rule to follow. May as well… This started out innocently enough…/

Cathy had spoken up quietly, but no one had any problem hearing her when she asked if they wanted to play strip poker. Well, given that the game was Black Jack, it technically wasn't correct, but the idea sounded fun. None of the boys thought they would loose, and all of them wanted to see the girls naked, so they agreed very quickly.

The rules were simple. Everyone who lost would have to remove one article of clothing. Heero was given a little more leeway, since he was wearing only spandex and his tank top, but for everyone else there was no mercy. The team who lost the most articles of clothing would have to select the person with the worst loss, such as busting by 5 when everyone else had lost by 2 or so, and that person would have to remove an extra item of clothing. It had started out great. The first round the guys had won the girls socks, then their shirts…

……

……

……

Then their luck had turned.

***

Heero, Trowa, Wufei, and Quatre reached for their last card at the exact same time, each holding their breath and praying that they would not loose again. Duo just sat there, trying to bluff his way through the hand so he could quit the game with his dignity intact. Each of the four boys looked fearfully at their cards and their moment of hope shattered in an instant.

Heero had drawn a three, Wufei a seven, Quatre an ace, and Trowa an eight. The girls, on the other hand, all had Black Jacks. Their smug smiles only brought home the fact that the g-boys had lost as the girls held out black hats to them to preserve their modesty, as they took off their last stitch of clothing.

"Okay, ha ha, take your picture for laughs and then give us back our clothes," Duo said as he held the baseball cap in place.

"Injustice! I demand a rematch!" Wufei fumed as he pointed accusingly at the girls with the baseball cap. He realized very quickly which had he was pointing with and hastened to cover himself again, turning a brilliant shade of scarlet. (Down fangirls! Down! *hands out drool rags*)

"Hn," Was all Heero said as he game them his best death glare. It was much diminished by the fact that he stood there buck naked, trying his best not to let the girls get a good look at him. Trowa just stood there, his usual bland self. The only thing that gave away his discomfort was the fact that he looked everywhere but the girls.

"Now, I'm sure we can negotiate," Quatre broke in, stepping between the two groups when it became apparent that the girls were not going to give their clothes back, and the boys were getting ready to kill them very messily. Heero, Duo, Trowa, and Wufei were all reaching for weapons they habitually carried with them and the look on their faces when they realized they didn't have them was priceless. Relena quickly snapped a shot of it with her camera. Hilde and Catherine dissolved into a fit of giggles, Dorothy stood starting at them, drooling, and Sally smiled evilly at the poor g-boys as she place a bucket under Dorothy's mouth to keep her from ruining Relena's carpet.

"Well, I don't think we should give you back your clothes," She stated.

"WHAT?!" Duo yelled.

"Omae o korosu," Heero said as he took a menacing step foreword.

"Injustice!"

"This is a new type of cruelty. Do you intend to expose us to the world?" (Yes, pun intended!) Trowa asked icily.

"I'm sure we can still negotiate!" Quatre pleaded with them. Relena joined Catherine and Hilde on the floor laughing her ass off.

"Well," Sally said after considering for a moment. "I suppose we can't `expose you to the world,' but we can't give you back _your_ clothes either, since we won them fair and square…"

"GIVE US OUR CLOTHES BACK!" all of the guys screamed unanimously.

"Well, we'll give you something to wear anyway," Sally promised them. "In fact, I do believe we have just the thing for each of you! Girls? Take your respective rival and give him something to wear." All of the girls acquired the same sadistic smile that Sally wore and moved towards their defeated opponents like a pack of wolves closing in on a helpless fawn. All of the boys felt a sinking feeling in their stomach as they were led away into different parts of the house. A moment later all hell broke loose.

***

Heero stared at what Relena brought out of her closet in shock. He was so surprised that he couldn't even utter his normal, monotone, "Hn," to her.

"Do you like it Heero?" Relena asked innocently, the sadistic smile never leaving her face. (*shudders* Relena with a sadistic smile? Now THAT'S damned SCARY!!)

"You want me to wear that?"

"Yes, is there something wrong with it?"

"You want me to wear that?"

"Yes Heero, that was the reason I showed it to you and asked if you liked it," Relena told him mirthfully.

"You want me to wear that?" Heero asked again, unable to form another coherent thought.

"Well, you could always just wear nothing." Heero's eyes flew to hers and he could find no trace of humor there. A shudder coursed through him at the implications and he reached out immediately and grabbed the clothes from her before she could say another word.

***

"I will NOT FUCKING wear THAT!" Duo spat as he looked at what Hilde held out to him. "No way in HELL!"

"But Duo, its just until you get back to your safe house!" Hilde tried to pacify him in her most patronizing voice. And you can't just go tromping down the street as you are. You'd get arrested and then where would you be?"

"With a hell of a lot more pride intact if I don't wear THAT!"

"Well, I'm sorry, but you'll leave this house in this or nothing. That baseball cap is _mine_ thank you, and you're not taking it again. It took me months to get it back last time."

"But Hilde!" Duo whined, turning his best puppy eyes on her. "You wouldn't really do this to me, would you?"

Hilde just looked at him and let the sadistic smile creep back onto her face. "Do you really wanna dare me, Duo?" Duo took in her expression and the way her feet were braced farther apart, ready for a fight, and gave it up as hopeless. Resignedly he held out his hands and accepted the offered clothing.

***

"You have got to be kidding me," Trowa quipped as Cathy held out his clothes for him to take. Out of habit he did take them, but stood there looking from the clothes, to her, and back again.

"This is some kind of perverse joke, right?" He gave her an incredulous look and read the saying on the shirt again.

"Nope!" Cathy chirped way to perkishly. "We all had outfits custom made for you!"

Trowa, for once in his life, was not in the least bit short of words. "This really is cruel and unusual punishment. You know that right? This is _beyond_ cruel." (Wow! Trowa stringing three multi-syllable sentences together that aren't for a mission!)

"I know! That's exactly why we did it!"

"Something tells me that the worst is yet to come?" He asked as he listened to the screaming coming from another room.

"Oh, yes. I don't think that either Quatre or Wufei have gotten theirs yet."

"God help us."

***

"You want me to wear THAT?" Quatre breathed as Dorothy moved towards him from across the room, carrying his attire.

"Yes, of course. You did loose the game after all," she purred sweetly.

"You want ME to wear THAT?!" he asked, his voice becoming shrill. His eyes were the size of saucers by then as Dorothy waved the clothing in front of his face.

"Yes, why else would I have this in my hands?" she asked. She wasn't prepared for Quatre to launch himself at her and nearly strangle her with his hug.

"THANK YOU! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyoutha nkyou thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!" he shrieked as he tore the garment from her hands and went to change. Dorothy was left standing there in shock, staring after the freakish whirlwind everyone called Quatre.

***

"INJUSTICE!" Wufei screamed when he read exactly what his shirt said. "THERE IS NO HONOR IN THIS!"

"Calm down, Wufei," Sally ordered when she saw that he was getting ready to rend her limb from limb. She'd never seen him so angry, even when he'd fought a `weak enemy.'

"I will NOT `calm down'! This is just plain WRONG!"

"And so is your attitude towards me, so we're even now!" Sally snapped. "Now you have a choice. Either put this on, or have us girls put it on you."

Wufei stopped mid-justice rant and stared at her. "Onna, you wouldn't."

"Are you really willing to test that theory Wufei?" Her eyes became cold and dangerous, but Wufei was angry and headstrong. He merely squared his shoulders, braced his feet and stuck out his chin. "Fine, have it your way," Sally said mirthlessly as she went to the door and called the other girls.

***

Half an hour later all of the guys slowly filed back into the main room. Each had been lost in thought about how they had been treated, but all stopped and stared when they caught sight of the others. Nothing had prepared them for the sight that awaited them.

Heero stood there wearing the most risqué set of bondage clothes they could imagine. His ass-tight black leather pants were barely hanging onto him because they were so cut up to expose a most tantalizing amount of flesh. The only part that wasn't slashed to ribbons was the crotch and butt area.

His shirt was also black skintight leather around his chest, but flared out to expose his perfectly toned abs. It was only held closed by three buckles that came straight across from one side to the other. The shirt too, was tastefully slashed to ribbons. All of this was set off by combat boots, and a saying scrawled across the front of his shirt in red: Do I look sweet and innocent to you?

Duo on the other hand, was completely the opposite in color and provocation. Instead of his normal somber black attire he was dressed entirely in white. His shirt depicted a fishing pole and a tackle box with the wording: I swear on the trout, the whole trout, and nothing but the trout, so help me cod. It was absolutely hilarious since everyone knew that Duo was allergic to fish, as they'd found out when Hilde served it to him for dinner one night on "accident." His pants were almost as funny as the shirt, since someone had very artistically painted a fish head, mouth open, on the crotch, and the seat sported a fish tail.

Trowa was leaning against a wall, glaring at everyone as if daring them to laugh. Privately they all thought he'd gotten the best of the deal, since he was dressed almost normally. But Catherine had taken away his normal turtleneck sweater and replaced it with a white T-shirt that said: Do I look like a fuckin' people person? Underneath it was a picture of his clown mask, propped up on some invisible wall, casting a shadow behind it, smiling. Everyone abstained from commenting.

Quatre wasn't looking all too concerned about what he was wearing, but all the other guys were about to die of shock. Quatre stood there in a red, floor length, body hugging, dancing dress. It was very loose around his chest, since he obviously did not have those particular endowments, but no one would notice that with the way it clung to him exactly like it would a girl. He had even been put in a pair of red, spike high heels. Until Duo made a noise Quatre had been looking at the floor, but when he looked up they could clearly see that he was wearing red lipstick, and a hint of other makeup.

"At least give Quatre some melons he can use for breasts!" Duo said, feeling embarrassed for his friend. Heero quickly shook his head and pointed to the saying on the side of the skirt in big bold letters. Duo read it and turned scarlet. "Cross dressing is NOT a crime."

"Oh," Was all me managed to say. Right then, Sally dragged a screaming Wufei into the room by his hair.

"--- HAS NOT JUSTICE!" he screamed. When she let go of his hair he rounded on her and even Quatre nearly died (from laughter!). Wufei was standing there in a dark blue girl's shirt, which was stretched tight over his body, exposing a few inches of his smooth stomach, and the new endowments he had acquired. None of the guys could figure out how Sally and the other girls forced Wufei to wear a bra, and stuff it. Then again, they didn't really want to think about it.

Wufei was also wearing the shortest mini-skirt any of them had seen. It was so short he had to keep tugging it down to stop it from exposing his butt. Vaguely Quatre noticed that Wufei was wearing a black thong and wondered how THAT had been accomplished.

"Oh MY God!" Duo gaped as he read exactly what the shirt said: A sex change is NOT a BAD THING.

"So," Relena said, making pilots 01-04's attention snap back to her while 05 argued with Sally about not wearing spike heels. "Now that you've utterly lost to us playing strip poker, or Black Jack in this case I guess, you understand how it is to be on the loosing side of something. How does it feel?"

Heero pulled a gun out of his pants (where the HELL did he HIDE it?!) and leveled it at her. Duo cracked his knuckles, Trowa started looking for a throwing knife, and Quatre merely smiled, stars twinkling in his eyes.

"Now you know how we feel boys!" Cathy said cheerily. "Stop shoving us into the background or next time it'll be worse for you."

Wufei caught her last comment and gulped, looking fearfully from one girl to the next. "How much worse?"

Hilde cocked her head to one side thoughtfully. "Oh, I don't know. How wax and bikinis?" All the guys shuddered and started edging towards the door.

"You know," Dorothy said evilly. "We could always wax _everything_."

That was all the g-boys needed to hear. All of them went running for the door and nearly tore it down in their haste to get out. Then they went flying down the stairs and fleeing down the street towards their safe house. The girls' laughter chased them and they ran like their asses were on fire. They didn't stop running until they were a miles away.

"That is just fucking CRUEL," Duo muttered as they walked, panting, down the street. All of them ignored the weird glances, crude remarks, and outright stares they were getting.

"I will kill them," Heero said as he took an explosives detonator from his pocket and pressed the button. He yelped when it shocked him instead of causing a big boom. "Damn," he cursed. "They took it." Trowa, for his part, said nothing. He just calmly contemplated a way to get revenge.

Quatre refrained from saying anything aloud. He merely thought about what the girls had done to him. /This is sooooooooooooooooooo GREAT! I've always wanted a dress like this, but my sisters would never buy me one! And father said there was something wrong with guys wearing women's underwear, but I think they're comfortable. And the heels! They're so great! They really improve my posture!……/

Wufei was glancing left and right, praying that no one would try to pick him up, or get him to work as a street corner specialist. He was also praying for a fight. The closest he came was getting to beat a guy to a bloody pulp when the man handed him a card for a `good psychiatrist.' He especially reveled in breaking the mans nose with his spike heel.

"What happened to you?" a familiar voice said, causing them all to look up from the carnage of the man Wufei had effectively put in ICU. Zechs was standing there, looking at them from behind his mask. He would have looked almost normal had it not been for the bright pink T-shirt he was wearing that said: Real Men Wear Pink!

"Did you loose playing strip poker?" asked Treize, walking up next to his subordinate. He too looked _almost_ normal, except for the huge clown shoes and the shirt that said: Just because the shoes are big, doesn't mean that everything else is.

"Uh-huh," all of the g-boys replied in unison, in varying degrees of agitation.

"Understood," the two Oz officers said together as they walked past towards the Oz base. Zechs was muttering something about killing Noin and Lady Une.

Duo was the first to notice that there was writing on the backs of the Oz officers shirts. Zech's said: Can you tell we lost at playing STRIP POKER!? Treize's said (nearly causing them all to die from sympathy): The reason women can't measure is because men have been telling them that six inches is this big! ------------------ Since the beginning of time! How big do you thing my eight inches is?

"You know," Trowa said as they turned around and resumed their walk back to their safe house. "I think we got off easier than them.

"Speak for yourself," Wufei spat and muttered about his broken spike.

"Hn," Heero said.

Trowa refrained from saying anything.

"Wanna go play at Relena's next week?" Quatre asked, and ran screaming as the others pulled out guns and knives.

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Dream Keeper: So, watcha think? Is it good? Is it bad? I dunno. I didn't like how I described the outfits. Your opinion?

Christa: That you're a demented freak?

Dream Keeper: Shut up.

Christa: *holding off a mad Dream Keeper who's trying to step on her* Okay, please R&R which mean read AND REVIEW!!!!!!! Thank you.

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