Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Tears of Pearls ❯ Tears of Pearls ( Chapter 1 )

TEARS OF PEARLS

Author: Shini Silverscythe

Setting: After the war, POV (?) it switches so bear with me

Pairings: 1+2

Warnings: Shonen-ai, angst, songfic (does that count as a warning?), death fic?

Song lyrics are stated thus: //blah//

Disclaimer: Standard here, they don't belong to me; I'm not making any money off of

them, *sniff* is that good enough for you? You're depressing me by making

me say all this. I know they don't belong to me, and that's just sad!

“Tears of Pearls” is property of Savage Garden.

 

Duo:

 

//And we stare each other down

Like victims in the grind

Probing all the weakness

And hurt still left behind and we cry

The tears of pearls

We do it, oh, we do it.//

 

Here I am again. You'd think after almost nine years of swearing off love, I'd be able to control myself. But here I am locked in your embrace. This is wrong. I shouldn't be here. You'll only get hurt. Don't you get it? I'm Death! Death can't be allowed to care, to love. Everyone I've ever cared for has died. I need to get as far from you as I can. It's the only way, don't you see?

I push you away and I see the muted hurt in your eyes. Even now, after the war, you can't openly express your feelings. I know you're trying to help me. You know about my curse and I know you're not afraid, but I am. I won't have you die because of me.

I grab my jacket and make a bee line to the door of your apartment. I glance back once and you're still standing there, rooted to the floor with that hurt and confusion in your eyes. You raise your arm as though you're reaching for me. God, I want to hold you close and never let go, but I can't. I won't. I won't let my love kill you, too. I turn and close the door behind me. Then I run to the stairs.

 

Heero:

 

//Is love really the tragedy

The way you might describe?

Or would a thousand lovers

Still leave you cold inside?

Make you cry…

These tears of pearls.//

 

Duo, all I want to do is free you from the loneliness. Constantly running will only take you to the edge of the void. Believe me, I was there once. And you pulled me back and showed me that life was worth living. I love you, and I know you love me, too. You won't ever admit it though; you're too scared of that curse. You know I don't believe in curses and even if there were, with you by my side I could fight off anything.

I can only stand helplessly as you close the door. I hear it latch and I feel an unfamiliar burning in my eyes. My hands brush over them and come away wet. Tears? I stare at them for a moment in morbid fascination. The first tears I've ever shed. God, Duo. Why can't you understand? I love you and you love me, it should be enough.

I quickly make up my mind. I won't let you run this time. I'll show you that I'm strong enough to love you. I grab my jacket from the hook by the doorway and I open the door. I run down the hall, leaving the door open behind me. I don't have any time to waste; I have to find him before he disappears.

 

Both:

 

//All these mixed emotions

We keep locked away like

Stolen pearls.

Stolen pearl devotions we

Keep locked away from all the world.//

 

Heero:

 

//You kisses are like pearls,

So different and so rare.

But anger stole the jewels away

And love has left you bare,

Made you cry -

These tears of pearls.//

 

I race down the stairs and throw open the doors to the street. I scan the sidewalk on all sides. There! You're running, your braid bouncing on your back as you move. I start running after you, shoving pedestrians out of my way. I'm probably pissing a lot of people off, but I don't care. I have to get to you.

You turn a corner and I pick up my pace. I can't lose you. I won't lose you. I need you too much to just let you slip away. Turning the corner, I can see you far ahead of me. I call out your name but you don't hear me, or maybe you're ignoring me. Duo, don't you realize that you're tearing us both apart from the inside? We need each other.

You run across a crosswalk that just changed signals, but I'm catching up, so I'll be damned if I let a red light stop me from getting to you. The road looks clear so I begin racing across when a large shape enters my peripheral vision. A horn blares and then there is nothing but the sound of crunching bone and a rushing blackness that completely envelops me.

 

Duo:

 

//Well I could be the tired joker

Pour my heart to let you in

Sacrifice my happiness

Just so I could win

Maybe cry…

These tears of pearls.//

 

I hear the squeal of tires and a sickening crunch behind me. I whirl and I see Hell. You're on the ground, a spreading pool of blood around you. I scream your name and run to your side. All I can think of is that this is all my fault. I should never have let you get close to my heart. I doomed you by caring too much. A soft cough draws my eyes to your face. Pain is clouding your eyes but you are conscious. The tears I've hidden for so long are streaming openly down my face. You whisper my name and all I can do is cradle you close. I can hear sirens approaching, but they seem muted. The world has faded around me and all my focus is on you. You are the only thing that's real.

My heart is breaking and all I can do is cry. You struggle to draw breath and you tell me you'll be fine. That you're stronger than this. That you love me and you won't leave me. All I can do is nod mutely while the tears keep flowing. Someone comes then and tries to pull me away from you. I push them away but then I see that it's a paramedic. I move away and watch them load you into the ambulance.

They ask me if I want to ride with you. I tell them yes and the next thing I know, we're speeding towards the hospital. I hold your hand as I sit beside you, focusing on your chest as it rises and falls. We reach the hospital and they wheel you away from me. That's when I realize I never told you that I love you. I'd always been so afraid, but now I need to tell you. I try to follow but they hold me back.

So you're just going to have to survive, Heero. You have to live so I can tell you how I feel. My past and my fear has always controlled me, but faced with this I push it all behind me. I'd rather focus on a future with you.

I touch my cheeks and feel with wonder the tears that still flow. These forbidden tears I swore I'd never release again. You broke the dam, Heero, so you'd better help me put myself back together. The minutes turn into hours and I pace the floor nervously. Nurses have tried to tell me to go home but I make them back off with a glare that would have made you proud.

Come back to me, Heero. Come back and show me how to love.

 

Both:

 

//All these mixed emotions

We keep locked away like

Stolen pearls.

Stolen pearl devotions

We keep locked away

From all the world.

 

We twist and turn where angels burn

Like fallen soldiers we will learn

That once forgotten, twice removed

Love will be the death…//

 

 

Duo:

 

//The death of you.//

 

The doctor walks out looking grim. My stomach clenches and I feel fear. He walks up to me and I prepare myself for the worst. But nothing can prepare me for what happens next. He smiles and tells me that you will live. It'll take a long time, but you're going to be okay. I hug the surprised doctor and I begin to run up and down the lobby laughing like a maniac. The nurse who comes out to demand silence finds herself pulled into an impromptu jig. I release her into the arms of the doctor and I race to the room that is shown to me. You're lying there, still hooked up to all the machines, but you're alive and I don't think I've ever seen anything more beautiful.

You hear my footsteps and you open your eyes. You see me and you smile. Despite the doctor's reassurance, that smile lets me know that everything is going to be fine.

 

Both:

 

//All these mixed emotions

We keep locked away like

Stolen pearls.

Stolen pearl devotions we keep

Locked away from all the world.//

 

 

OWARI

 

Okay, there it is. There is an alternative ending, so check out the next chapter. A further warning, though. The second ending is even more angsty and it becomes a death-fic. Read at your own discretion. Okay, notes done. Reviews are always welcome and flames will be used to toast marshmallows and keep me warm. Fall/winter in Kansas is no laughing matter!