Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Cost of Honour Trilogy #3 - Paid in Full ❯ Chapter 1
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Calic0cat 
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Angst | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 05.05.2003 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.7K | Visits: 601 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Angst | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 05.05.2003 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.7K | Visits: 601 | Status: Completed
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Title: #3 - Paid in Full
Part: 1/5
Series: The Cost of Honour Trilogy
Author: Calic0cat <calic0cat@fastmail.fm>
Story Started: Apr. 24, 2003
Story Finished: May 5, 2003
Genre: Yaoi, Angst, Sap, Romance
Pairings: 1x2x1, 3x4 implied, 5xOC (het), 5x2 (past)
Rated: R
Warnings: AU, OOC, Swearing, Angst, Lime/Implied Lemon
Archives: At Lev's Lair http://www.gwaddiction.com/levlair/ and at http://calic0cat.freeservers.com (my site) and at Mediaminer.org under Calic0cat. Anyone with archive permission for my other fics can help themselves.
Disclaimer: Duo and Heero and the rest of the GW gang aren't mine. This story is. Nuff said.
Notes: Post-series & post-EW. AC 201. Heero, Duo, Trowa, & Quatre are all living at a Winner estate on L4 and working at WEI.
'Thinking'
"Speaking"
************ Time passing or scene change
Author's Notes: Feedback is appreciated.
#################################################
"Are you sure about this?" Heero asked softly, one hand raising to gently cup Duo's face.
Duo turned his head to press a kiss against that caressing hand, then lifted his eyes to meet Heero's. "I'm sure," he said firmly. "Trowa's not well enough to go with Q; his lungs are still too congested from that damn cold for space travel. One of us three needs to be with Quat to look after security; he's just too damn well known to go unrecognized and the more politically active he gets, the more enemies he makes. Hell, he's probably even more of a target than Relena by now 'cause he gets targeted just for being head of WEI too. So that means you *have* to go with him to handle security. I can't go along too 'cause I've got that meeting for WEI's charity division with those children's hospital administrators. So I've got to stay here. I'll be okay, Heero, really." He slid his arms around Heero's waist and rested his head against Heero's shoulder. "It's only a week, koi. I know you'll be back. And I can always call you if I need to hear your voice; you've got your cellphone with you..."
Heero's arms closed tightly around Duo as he ordered, "Promise me you'll call right away if you need me, Duo. I don't care what damn meeting we're in the middle of; I'll always answer my phone. And if you need me here, I'll drag Quatre on the shuttle and be back as fast as we can make this hopped-up junkheap fly. We'll commute from here to L1 every fucking day if we have to. Understood?!"
For a moment, Duo wasn't sure whether to be touched or ticked off that Heero was taking this whole business of leaving him behind so damn seriously. Okay, so it *was* the first time they'd been apart so much as overnight since he'd moved in with Heero a year ago. And yeah, he had some - issues - about abandonment. But he trusted Heero; he knew his lover would be back as soon as possible. 'Overprotective bastard...' he thought in slightly amused annoyance.
In the end, the amusement won out. Duo snickered and blew a loud, wet, raspberry against Heero's neck, making him yelp and jump. "Don't be an idiot, Yuy," Duo scolded, drawing back slightly. "I. Will. Be. Fine." He hugged Heero affectionately and kissed him deeply. "Ai shiteru, 'Ro. Don't let Q work too hard, watch your damn back, and come home safe." Grinning mischievously, he added, "Better get lots of rest on the trip back, though, 'cause you won't be getting much sleep after leaving me with only my hand for company for a whole week..." He wiggled his eyebrows and leered suggestively.
Duo's little performance got the desired result. Heero laughed, at least some of the worry clearing from his face. He leaned forward to murmur huskily in Duo's ear, "I'll be looking forward to it, koibito."
Duo shivered as Heero nipped his earlobe gently and whispered, "Ai shiteru, Duo," before dropping a quick kiss on the tip of his nose and giving him a final farewell hug. Duo waved and called "Bye, Q. Safe trip!" as he turned to exit the shuttle, meeting Trowa outside. They both stood at an observation window and watched as the shuttle launched.
As the shuttle moved out of sight, Duo shivered slightly and wrapped his arms around himself. It was going to be one hell of a long week...
***
"Stop pacing and just call him, Yuy!"
Heero stopped in his tracks at the sheer annoyance in Quatre's voice. "I can't. He told me that if I called him again today he was going to flush his cellphone down the toilet."
"*Again?!*" Quatre exclaimed. "You mean you've already called him and you're *still* acting like a mare with a newly-weaned foal?!"
Shooting a glare at Quatre, Heero muttered reluctantly, "Yes." He was just - concerned. He wanted to be sure that Duo knew he was thinking of him; knew that he was eager to get back to him. "He just sounds so - subdued. I can't help worrying..."
"And exactly how many times *have* you called him today if he's annoyed enough to threaten to - dispose - of his phone?" Quatre demanded.
Heero grunted, not wanting to admit the truth.
"*Heero...*" the blond Arabian said insistently.
Sighing, Heero mumbled, "Three..." When he woke up, again at lunch, and again after supper. Which was when Duo had threatened to flush his cellphone and had hung up on Heero. And of course now he just wanted to apologize but he couldn't call back even to do *that* or Duo would probably follow through on that threat. 'And I'd wanted to call at bedtime too, just to say goodnight like we did last night...' Of course, that had been the *only* time he'd called yesterday since they'd just arrived and checked in to the hotel in time to go to bed.
"*Three?!* In *one* day?" Quatre exclaimed in clear disbelief. "Heero, I know that you want to reassure him but it's no wonder he's annoyed with you! You're acting as if you expect him to fall apart without you there; that's not exactly reassuring nor is it the way that someone wants their mate to think about them! You need to trust *him* too!"
"Of course I trust him," Heero protested. "I just..."
"If you trust him, then you'd better start acting like it," Quatre warned, cutting Heero off sharply. "Have a little faith, Heero. Don't make Duo think that you doubt his love and trust by hovering too much." He sighed, then admitted sheepishly, "Besides, Trowa has strict instructions to let me know immediately if he thinks we need to come back."
"See?! You're worried too!"
"Yes *but* - I also think that Duo needs to prove to himself that he can handle this," Quatre said seriously. "It doesn't have to be *easy* for him; I don't expect that it will be. But he needs to know that he *can* be away from you for a while without falling apart or isolating himself again, Heero. He *could* have rescheduled that meeting he has later this week. Or he could have come with us and just flown back in time for it. Duo *chose* to stay behind for the whole week."
Heero sighed heavily and sank into a chair, running his hand through his hair. "You're right, Quatre. I need to give him a little space and trust that he'll call if he needs me... Dammit, and I can't even call to apologize..."
Quatre shook his head and said, "I'll be calling Trowa later on; I'll get him to tell Duo that you're sorry for being such an idiot and that you want him to call you so you can apologize. Okay?"
"Thanks, Quatre."
"You're welcome, Heero." As Quatre turned his attention back to the documents he'd been reading, Heero heard him mutter under his breath, "Three calls in one day? Good grief..."
***
Drawing a deep breath, Wufei forced himself to quickly punch in a long-memorized phone number. Quatre had sent him an email nearly a year ago informing Wufei that Trowa and himself were now living at the main Winner estate on L4 and giving him their private number "in case you ever need anything, my friend". As the phone rang, Wufei wondered what Quatre would say. After all, he hadn't spoken to any of the others in - god, had it really been well over two years - almost three? Duo was the one he really needed to talk to; to apologize to and ask for forgiveness. But he thought that it was best to start by mending his friendship with Quatre and Trowa first. They would be able to fill him in on how Duo was doing and to help set up a meeting with him. 'Duo was always very generous and forgiving; surely he'll at least let me talk to him...'
"Winner residence," a familiar voice said, drawing Wufei's gaze to the vid-phone's screen in disbelief.
"Duo?!" Wufei exclaimed, breath leaving him in a painful rush. His eyes met startled violet ones that widened in shock. Pain flickered across that beloved face for an instant before it went expressionless, eyes turning to cold, hard amethyst. Without a word, Duo turned and walked away, leaving the phone connected. "Duo, wait!" Only a slight hitch in Duo's stride indicated that he'd even heard Wufei. As the body that he'd once known as intimately as his own disappeared through the room's door, Wufei called fruitlessly, "Duo, please, I need to talk to you!"
He could distantly hear Duo's voice calling, "Tro, phone!" an instant later. 'What is Duo doing at Quatre's place on L4? Did he transfer? Leave Preventers?' Wufei's train of thought was interrupted as Trowa entered the room.
"Wufei?!" Trowa exclaimed. "Oh shit..." Trowa glanced over his shoulder towards the door, face tightening with concern. "Of all the lousy timing..."
"Trowa, why is Duo there? How is he?" Wufei demanded anxiously.
"Did he say anything to you?" Trowa asked sternly.
"No, not a thing. Trowa..."
"I'm sorry Wufei, I'll have to call you back," Trowa interrupted sharply. He reached out to disconnect the call, then paused for an instant to say, "It's good to hear from you again Wufei. I *will* call back in a while. Goodbye for now."
"Trowa, wait..." Wufei protested to no avail. The screen before him went dark as the call was disconnected. He slammed his fist against the desk in frustration. 'What the hell is going on there?' Wufei slumped in his chair, heart aching at the icy look Duo had given him in addition to the pain of seeing the man he still loved after all this time. 'Duo...'
***
"Duo? Duo, I know you're in there, open the door."
Duo ignored the knocking and calling, wrapping himself more tightly around the pillow that still held just a hint of Heero's scent after nearly a week of his absence. He wanted Heero so damn bad right now... Wanted the reassurance of being wrapped in his arms, of his husky murmurs of love and comfort, of his promises to never choose to leave him...
'I could call 'Ro, I know that... But after his overprotectiveness earlier this week, I really don't want to spoil things by calling in the middle of the day; he'll hear my voice and be dragging Quatre to the shuttleport before the call's over...' And that in itself was so damn tempting that there was no way in hell that Duo would let himself call. He couldn't cling to Heero that tightly; couldn't wreck their relationship by being so damn needy. 'I can wait; they're due home in two days anyway...'
"Duo Maxwell, either you open that door and talk to me right now or I'm calling Heero," Trowa threatened grimly from the hallway.
"No!" Duo protested, hurling himself off the bed and towards the door. He unjammed the lock and opened the door reluctantly. "Don't do that Trowa, please," he pleaded. "I'm okay, really. They'll be back Sunday anyway and Heero will call tonight to talk to me. I don't want them coming back early because of me... God, Tro, Heero won't ever leave me on my own even overnight again if they do that!"
Trowa sighed heavily. "Alright. I won't mention Wufei's call until they return. On one condition - you have to promise to tell Heero right away when he gets back."
"Promise," Duo nodded. That wasn't a problem; he'd had no intention of hiding it. He didn't keep secrets from Heero. There were some things he literally couldn't talk about, at least not so far, and others that simply hadn't come up but he didn't deliberately hide anything from Heero. He counted on his support too much for that. And he knew that his openness helped show Heero how much he loved and trusted him too.
Seeing how anxious Trowa still looked, Duo repeated, "I'm okay, Tro, honest. It was just - well, kind of a shock. I just wanted to get out of there..." 'And I really don't want to hear anything *he* has to say...' he added silently.
"If you want to talk Duo, you know that Quatre and I are always willing to listen..." Trowa offered. "If you need to talk about things that you don't feel comfortable discussing with Heero..."
A bit tentatively, Duo reached out and gave Trowa a quick hug, "Thanks for the offer Tro. But - well, I guess I probably *need* to talk to Heero about all that stuff..." Even if he really didn't want to. 'Even if I'm not sure that I *can*...'
***
Heero and Quatre let themselves into the house silently. They were back nearly eighteen hours early. Quatre had finished his meetings earlier than scheduled and they'd decided to check out and fly back rather than spending the night. Neither one of them cared that they would be arriving in the middle of the night; they were more interested in getting home.
Separating at the top of the stairs, Heero and Quatre each headed towards their own wing of the house. Heero opened his bedroom door and slipped in quietly, making just enough noise that Duo wouldn't waken on full alert in response to an intruder who was trying to be too quiet. He made a brief stop in the bathroom, washing off the grime of a long day and stripping to his boxers before heading for the bed.
Heero smothered a snicker at the sight of Duo clutching *his* pillow. 'I guess it's safe to say that he missed me...' He slid into the bed and started to ease his pillow out of Duo's grasp, intending to transfer that tight hold to himself. Then he caught a glimpse of Duo's face in the dim light. It was tightly drawn and - were those *tearstains* on his cheeks?! He gently tugged the pillow again, wondering what the hell had happened to upset Duo that badly.
"No! Don't go, don't leave me..." Duo cried out sharply, clutching frantically at the pillow Heero had just pulled free.
"Shh, Duo, I'm here..." Heero murmured, quickly pulling Duo into his arms. 'Dammit, I *knew* I shouldn't have gone...'
With a sharp gasp, Duo's eyes flew open. "Heero?! You're here?!"
As Duo's arms wrapped tightly around him and he tucked his head under Heero's chin, Heero stroked Duo's back and murmured in explanation, "Quatre's meetings finished early so we decided to come straight home instead of waiting..."
"I'm glad... I wouldn't let Tro tell you till you guys got back, didn't want you to have to come back early just for me but I'm glad you *did* get back sooner than expected. Heero, W... W... Dammit," Duo swore, "I can't say the fucking *name*." He took a deep breath and choked out, "*Chang* called - I was near the phone so I answered; it kind of - threw me a bit."
Heero froze. He forced uncooperative vocal chords into action with difficulty, asking, "Are you okay? What did he want?" 'Please don't say he wants you back...'
Duo raised his head enough to shake it fiercely and mutter, "I don't know. I just walked away and called Tro to the phone. I don't want to hear anything *he* has to say."
"You didn't answer my other question. Are you okay?" Heero insisted gently.
Face pressed into the crook of Heero's neck, Duo mumbled, "I am now that you're here." He drew back slightly so that his voice was clearer as he said, "Ro, I really was okay up till then. I mean, I missed you but I *was* getting some sleep and I wasn't having really bad nightmares or anything. Seeing him and hearing his voice like that was just a big shock and it kind of upset me. But I didn't want you guys to come back early just 'cause of me; for god's sake I'm a fucking former Gundam pilot, not some wussy heroine out of a romance novel. I knew you'd be back soon, koi, I could handle the wait. Wasn't exactly my idea of *fun*, but I could handle it..."
Suppressing the urge to scold Duo for not telling him when they talked on the phone Friday night, Heero realized that he had only himself to blame for the delay. If he hadn't been such a fussbudget that first day he was away, Duo probably would have told him. As it was, Duo had been - justifiably, he admitted - afraid that he would drop everything and rush home. 'Quatre was right; I'm going to hurt our relationship if I keep overreacting to things. Duo trusted me to come home to him; if he'd been able to trust that I *wouldn't* come rushing home if he asked me not to then he wouldn't have had to wait to tell me about this.' "I'm sorry I was such an idiot earlier in the week, Duo. I didn't mean to imply that you couldn't handle being on your own, koi; I was feeling guilty about leaving you alone and those calls had as much to do with reassuring *me* as you. And instead of reassuring you that I missed you and was thinking about you, all I did was make you afraid to tell me what was going on for fear that I would overreact. I'm sorry..." he murmured softly.
Duo sighed and Heero felt the tension drain from him as he relaxed. "You understand then. Good. I didn't mean to hide it from you 'Ro, I just didn't want you dropping everything and running back here. I figured when you got home was soon enough to talk about it."
"It's okay. Next time something upsets you, tell me and I promise I'll listen to what *you* want me to do instead of overreacting, okay?"
"Okay." Duo was silent for a few minutes, then yawned. Sleepily, he said, "Love you, 'Ro. 'M glad you're home..."
"Me too, Duo," Heero whispered back. "Ai shiteru, koi." Duo pressed a kiss to his chest in response. Within only a few minutes, Duo dozed off in his arms. 'He said he was getting *some* sleep before Friday, not that he was getting *enough*,' Heero thought ruefully. 'So much for that comment of his before I left about him keeping me from sleeping when I got home because we'd be too busy making love...' But in a way, he was glad that Duo hadn't immediately wanted that. Coming right after Duo's confession about Wufei's call, it would have seemed - odd. Lying here together like this, with Duo sleeping peacefully in his embrace when his previous sleep had clearly been troubled meant more to Heero. It was a reminder of the trust between them. A reminder that their relationship was far deeper than just sex.
But Heero himself was not so easily able to sleep. Lying there feeling Duo's breath against the bare skin of his chest, feeling his lover's warm body pressed tightly to his, Heero couldn't help wondering exactly why Wufei had called. Whether he was merely looking to renew his friendship with the others or whether he was hoping to win Duo back.
And if Wufei *was* hoping to win Duo back, whether he might succeed. Whether what Duo and himself had built between them through hard work and perseverance, a relationship based on trust and love, would be enough to stand against the fact that Wufei was Duo's first love. Or whether first love would be strong enough to overcome the feelings of betrayal and anger and fear; enough to pull Duo away from Heero and leave him on the outside again. 'I don't think I could go back to being his best friend and nothing more... Not now, not when I know just how wonderful a relationship with him can be...' Heero's arms tightened around Duo, causing him to stir. Heero forced himself to relax his tight grip, not wanting to hurt Duo or even to wake him. 'If Wufei *does* try to take him back, I won't just bow out gracefully,' Heero decided, jaw set grimly. 'Not unless Duo himself asks me to...'
***
Duo remained where he was even though he was wide awake and had been for some time now. Heero was still sleeping and Duo didn't want to wake him, something that sliding out of his arms would almost certainly do. He suspected that Heero probably hadn't been sleeping very well while they were apart either. He hadn't really thought about the fact that Heero might be feeling guilty about leaving him this past week; hadn't considered that all those calls the first day were as much for Heero's benefit as for his own. 'I just thought he was being overprotective and fussing too damn much. Made me feel like he expected me to come apart at the seams in no time flat without him here. Wish he'd explained better at the time, I might not have insisted on him only calling every other day then. Talking to each other every day the way that Q and Tro did would've been a hell of a lot easier on both of us. But he'd pissed me off so damn bad that I just *had* to push things...'
Something he'd regretted almost immediately but had been too damn proud to rectify. 'Cut off my own nose to spite my face as Sister Helen used to say...' Duo thought ruefully. 'But at least I proved I *could* get by if I had to...' And difficult though it had been at times, especially lying in bed alone at night, he had never once doubted that Heero *would* be back when he said he would. That if anything had happened to delay him, Heero would have let him know immediately and done his best to get back as close to on schedule as possible.
As Heero stirred slightly, obviously beginning to waken, Duo smiled and shifted slightly to begin pressing light kisses to his chest. The ritual that he'd started that very first morning he and Heero had made love had become an invitation that they both used; one that was always the prelude to hours of slow and tender loving. Hours of cherishing and worshipping each other's bodies. Of lying entwined and talking quietly, exploring their relationship in other ways than the purely physical.
Oh, there were times when they were both in the mood for something different or when their schedules didn't allow for that sort of thing. Times when their joining was wilder and faster; when they didn't even make it as far as the bed in their urgency. But mornings that started with these tiny kisses meant only one thing; an entire day of being together and expressing their love for each other. The kind of day that he had been planning ever since Heero left on this trip with Quatre.
"Mmm... what a nice way to wake up..." Heero murmured huskily.
Duo dropped another kiss over Heero's heart and raised his eyes to meet Heero's. "Good morning, koibito," he said as he shifted so that he could kiss Heero deeply.
Once he drew back, Heero responded, "Good morning, koi. I take it we won't be joining the others for breakfast this morning..."
"Not unless you want to," Duo said seriously. It was entirely possible that there were things Heero needed to do or needed to discuss with the others. If so, they would simply put this on "pause" and come back to it later when whatever needed to be done had been taken care of.
Heero shook his head, smiling up at Duo. "No, there's nothing that can't wait. I'm all yours; whatever you want to do today is what we'll do..."
Duo leered down at Heero and pretended to wipe drool from the corner of his mouth. "Mmm... all mine, huh? Whatever I want..." He swooped down to kiss Heero again, then abruptly flipped onto his back, dragging Heero with him so that their positions were reversed. "I want you, koi. Want you filling me, completing me. Want you tempting me, teasing me. Want you so deep inside me that we're one... So close that I can't tell where I end and you begin..."
Heero growled in reaction to Duo's husky demands and pounced, silencing him with a deep kiss. Duo let his eyes drift shut as Heero began to kiss and nibble his earlobe, picking up where his tiny bit of teasing in the shuttle had left off nearly a week ago.
At first, Duo had always been careful to keep his eyes open when he and Heero made love. He'd been afraid that he would lose himself in memories and murmur the wrong name. He'd stopped worrying about that months ago. There was no way that he would ever mistake Heero for someone else; no way that he would ever slip up and call Wufei's name instead of Heero's. Heero's hands, his mouth, his touch, his kisses, his *scent*, were so uniquely his and his alone that Duo never got lost in memories while they were together like this. Never had to worry about forgetting who he was with. Not even now, with Wufei's memory fresh in his mind after that surprise phone call.
"Mmm, 'Ro... So good..." Duo gasped, arching into Heero's touch and forgetting everything but the man making love to him so tenderly and with such sure knowledge of his body. "Love you, Heero..."
***
"I'm glad you called, Wufei," Quatre said, smiling gently. "You're still our friend too. We told you that before and we meant it. I'll relay your request to Duo and let you know what he says. And I'll be expecting you to email me some pictures of that beautiful baby girl of yours!"
"Thank you, Quatre," Wufei said gratefully. "I'll be sure to send you some pictures. Mei *is* a beautiful little girl." He added silently, 'She is the only thing that makes all of this almost worthwhile.' He managed to give Quatre a small smile as he continued, "I'll be in touch. Goodbye for now."
"Goodbye Wufei."
The screen went black as Quatre disconnected the call. Wufei sagged in his chair, head dropping into his hands. 'Oh god. Duo is with Heero now. Has been for over a year...'
It hurt. Despite the fact that he had *hoped* that Heero could get Duo to fall in love with him; could make Duo happy again. It was just one more painful reminder that there was no going back. No way to magically fix everything.
'And what did Quatre mean when he said that the first year had been - difficult - for Duo, for *all* of them? And that Duo and Heero had worked very hard to build a relationship together?' Wufei had been afraid to ask for clarification. Something about Quatre's tone of voice and the way he had chosen his words so carefully had warned Wufei that it would be best to leave the subject alone. That there were things he was perhaps better off not knowing.
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Title: #3 - Paid in Full
Part: 1/5
Series: The Cost of Honour Trilogy
Author: Calic0cat <calic0cat@fastmail.fm>
Story Started: Apr. 24, 2003
Story Finished: May 5, 2003
Genre: Yaoi, Angst, Sap, Romance
Pairings: 1x2x1, 3x4 implied, 5xOC (het), 5x2 (past)
Rated: R
Warnings: AU, OOC, Swearing, Angst, Lime/Implied Lemon
Archives: At Lev's Lair http://www.gwaddiction.com/levlair/ and at http://calic0cat.freeservers.com (my site) and at Mediaminer.org under Calic0cat. Anyone with archive permission for my other fics can help themselves.
Disclaimer: Duo and Heero and the rest of the GW gang aren't mine. This story is. Nuff said.
Notes: Post-series & post-EW. AC 201. Heero, Duo, Trowa, & Quatre are all living at a Winner estate on L4 and working at WEI.
'Thinking'
"Speaking"
************ Time passing or scene change
Author's Notes: Feedback is appreciated.
#################################################
"Are you sure about this?" Heero asked softly, one hand raising to gently cup Duo's face.
Duo turned his head to press a kiss against that caressing hand, then lifted his eyes to meet Heero's. "I'm sure," he said firmly. "Trowa's not well enough to go with Q; his lungs are still too congested from that damn cold for space travel. One of us three needs to be with Quat to look after security; he's just too damn well known to go unrecognized and the more politically active he gets, the more enemies he makes. Hell, he's probably even more of a target than Relena by now 'cause he gets targeted just for being head of WEI too. So that means you *have* to go with him to handle security. I can't go along too 'cause I've got that meeting for WEI's charity division with those children's hospital administrators. So I've got to stay here. I'll be okay, Heero, really." He slid his arms around Heero's waist and rested his head against Heero's shoulder. "It's only a week, koi. I know you'll be back. And I can always call you if I need to hear your voice; you've got your cellphone with you..."
Heero's arms closed tightly around Duo as he ordered, "Promise me you'll call right away if you need me, Duo. I don't care what damn meeting we're in the middle of; I'll always answer my phone. And if you need me here, I'll drag Quatre on the shuttle and be back as fast as we can make this hopped-up junkheap fly. We'll commute from here to L1 every fucking day if we have to. Understood?!"
For a moment, Duo wasn't sure whether to be touched or ticked off that Heero was taking this whole business of leaving him behind so damn seriously. Okay, so it *was* the first time they'd been apart so much as overnight since he'd moved in with Heero a year ago. And yeah, he had some - issues - about abandonment. But he trusted Heero; he knew his lover would be back as soon as possible. 'Overprotective bastard...' he thought in slightly amused annoyance.
In the end, the amusement won out. Duo snickered and blew a loud, wet, raspberry against Heero's neck, making him yelp and jump. "Don't be an idiot, Yuy," Duo scolded, drawing back slightly. "I. Will. Be. Fine." He hugged Heero affectionately and kissed him deeply. "Ai shiteru, 'Ro. Don't let Q work too hard, watch your damn back, and come home safe." Grinning mischievously, he added, "Better get lots of rest on the trip back, though, 'cause you won't be getting much sleep after leaving me with only my hand for company for a whole week..." He wiggled his eyebrows and leered suggestively.
Duo's little performance got the desired result. Heero laughed, at least some of the worry clearing from his face. He leaned forward to murmur huskily in Duo's ear, "I'll be looking forward to it, koibito."
Duo shivered as Heero nipped his earlobe gently and whispered, "Ai shiteru, Duo," before dropping a quick kiss on the tip of his nose and giving him a final farewell hug. Duo waved and called "Bye, Q. Safe trip!" as he turned to exit the shuttle, meeting Trowa outside. They both stood at an observation window and watched as the shuttle launched.
As the shuttle moved out of sight, Duo shivered slightly and wrapped his arms around himself. It was going to be one hell of a long week...
***
"Stop pacing and just call him, Yuy!"
Heero stopped in his tracks at the sheer annoyance in Quatre's voice. "I can't. He told me that if I called him again today he was going to flush his cellphone down the toilet."
"*Again?!*" Quatre exclaimed. "You mean you've already called him and you're *still* acting like a mare with a newly-weaned foal?!"
Shooting a glare at Quatre, Heero muttered reluctantly, "Yes." He was just - concerned. He wanted to be sure that Duo knew he was thinking of him; knew that he was eager to get back to him. "He just sounds so - subdued. I can't help worrying..."
"And exactly how many times *have* you called him today if he's annoyed enough to threaten to - dispose - of his phone?" Quatre demanded.
Heero grunted, not wanting to admit the truth.
"*Heero...*" the blond Arabian said insistently.
Sighing, Heero mumbled, "Three..." When he woke up, again at lunch, and again after supper. Which was when Duo had threatened to flush his cellphone and had hung up on Heero. And of course now he just wanted to apologize but he couldn't call back even to do *that* or Duo would probably follow through on that threat. 'And I'd wanted to call at bedtime too, just to say goodnight like we did last night...' Of course, that had been the *only* time he'd called yesterday since they'd just arrived and checked in to the hotel in time to go to bed.
"*Three?!* In *one* day?" Quatre exclaimed in clear disbelief. "Heero, I know that you want to reassure him but it's no wonder he's annoyed with you! You're acting as if you expect him to fall apart without you there; that's not exactly reassuring nor is it the way that someone wants their mate to think about them! You need to trust *him* too!"
"Of course I trust him," Heero protested. "I just..."
"If you trust him, then you'd better start acting like it," Quatre warned, cutting Heero off sharply. "Have a little faith, Heero. Don't make Duo think that you doubt his love and trust by hovering too much." He sighed, then admitted sheepishly, "Besides, Trowa has strict instructions to let me know immediately if he thinks we need to come back."
"See?! You're worried too!"
"Yes *but* - I also think that Duo needs to prove to himself that he can handle this," Quatre said seriously. "It doesn't have to be *easy* for him; I don't expect that it will be. But he needs to know that he *can* be away from you for a while without falling apart or isolating himself again, Heero. He *could* have rescheduled that meeting he has later this week. Or he could have come with us and just flown back in time for it. Duo *chose* to stay behind for the whole week."
Heero sighed heavily and sank into a chair, running his hand through his hair. "You're right, Quatre. I need to give him a little space and trust that he'll call if he needs me... Dammit, and I can't even call to apologize..."
Quatre shook his head and said, "I'll be calling Trowa later on; I'll get him to tell Duo that you're sorry for being such an idiot and that you want him to call you so you can apologize. Okay?"
"Thanks, Quatre."
"You're welcome, Heero." As Quatre turned his attention back to the documents he'd been reading, Heero heard him mutter under his breath, "Three calls in one day? Good grief..."
***
Drawing a deep breath, Wufei forced himself to quickly punch in a long-memorized phone number. Quatre had sent him an email nearly a year ago informing Wufei that Trowa and himself were now living at the main Winner estate on L4 and giving him their private number "in case you ever need anything, my friend". As the phone rang, Wufei wondered what Quatre would say. After all, he hadn't spoken to any of the others in - god, had it really been well over two years - almost three? Duo was the one he really needed to talk to; to apologize to and ask for forgiveness. But he thought that it was best to start by mending his friendship with Quatre and Trowa first. They would be able to fill him in on how Duo was doing and to help set up a meeting with him. 'Duo was always very generous and forgiving; surely he'll at least let me talk to him...'
"Winner residence," a familiar voice said, drawing Wufei's gaze to the vid-phone's screen in disbelief.
"Duo?!" Wufei exclaimed, breath leaving him in a painful rush. His eyes met startled violet ones that widened in shock. Pain flickered across that beloved face for an instant before it went expressionless, eyes turning to cold, hard amethyst. Without a word, Duo turned and walked away, leaving the phone connected. "Duo, wait!" Only a slight hitch in Duo's stride indicated that he'd even heard Wufei. As the body that he'd once known as intimately as his own disappeared through the room's door, Wufei called fruitlessly, "Duo, please, I need to talk to you!"
He could distantly hear Duo's voice calling, "Tro, phone!" an instant later. 'What is Duo doing at Quatre's place on L4? Did he transfer? Leave Preventers?' Wufei's train of thought was interrupted as Trowa entered the room.
"Wufei?!" Trowa exclaimed. "Oh shit..." Trowa glanced over his shoulder towards the door, face tightening with concern. "Of all the lousy timing..."
"Trowa, why is Duo there? How is he?" Wufei demanded anxiously.
"Did he say anything to you?" Trowa asked sternly.
"No, not a thing. Trowa..."
"I'm sorry Wufei, I'll have to call you back," Trowa interrupted sharply. He reached out to disconnect the call, then paused for an instant to say, "It's good to hear from you again Wufei. I *will* call back in a while. Goodbye for now."
"Trowa, wait..." Wufei protested to no avail. The screen before him went dark as the call was disconnected. He slammed his fist against the desk in frustration. 'What the hell is going on there?' Wufei slumped in his chair, heart aching at the icy look Duo had given him in addition to the pain of seeing the man he still loved after all this time. 'Duo...'
***
"Duo? Duo, I know you're in there, open the door."
Duo ignored the knocking and calling, wrapping himself more tightly around the pillow that still held just a hint of Heero's scent after nearly a week of his absence. He wanted Heero so damn bad right now... Wanted the reassurance of being wrapped in his arms, of his husky murmurs of love and comfort, of his promises to never choose to leave him...
'I could call 'Ro, I know that... But after his overprotectiveness earlier this week, I really don't want to spoil things by calling in the middle of the day; he'll hear my voice and be dragging Quatre to the shuttleport before the call's over...' And that in itself was so damn tempting that there was no way in hell that Duo would let himself call. He couldn't cling to Heero that tightly; couldn't wreck their relationship by being so damn needy. 'I can wait; they're due home in two days anyway...'
"Duo Maxwell, either you open that door and talk to me right now or I'm calling Heero," Trowa threatened grimly from the hallway.
"No!" Duo protested, hurling himself off the bed and towards the door. He unjammed the lock and opened the door reluctantly. "Don't do that Trowa, please," he pleaded. "I'm okay, really. They'll be back Sunday anyway and Heero will call tonight to talk to me. I don't want them coming back early because of me... God, Tro, Heero won't ever leave me on my own even overnight again if they do that!"
Trowa sighed heavily. "Alright. I won't mention Wufei's call until they return. On one condition - you have to promise to tell Heero right away when he gets back."
"Promise," Duo nodded. That wasn't a problem; he'd had no intention of hiding it. He didn't keep secrets from Heero. There were some things he literally couldn't talk about, at least not so far, and others that simply hadn't come up but he didn't deliberately hide anything from Heero. He counted on his support too much for that. And he knew that his openness helped show Heero how much he loved and trusted him too.
Seeing how anxious Trowa still looked, Duo repeated, "I'm okay, Tro, honest. It was just - well, kind of a shock. I just wanted to get out of there..." 'And I really don't want to hear anything *he* has to say...' he added silently.
"If you want to talk Duo, you know that Quatre and I are always willing to listen..." Trowa offered. "If you need to talk about things that you don't feel comfortable discussing with Heero..."
A bit tentatively, Duo reached out and gave Trowa a quick hug, "Thanks for the offer Tro. But - well, I guess I probably *need* to talk to Heero about all that stuff..." Even if he really didn't want to. 'Even if I'm not sure that I *can*...'
***
Heero and Quatre let themselves into the house silently. They were back nearly eighteen hours early. Quatre had finished his meetings earlier than scheduled and they'd decided to check out and fly back rather than spending the night. Neither one of them cared that they would be arriving in the middle of the night; they were more interested in getting home.
Separating at the top of the stairs, Heero and Quatre each headed towards their own wing of the house. Heero opened his bedroom door and slipped in quietly, making just enough noise that Duo wouldn't waken on full alert in response to an intruder who was trying to be too quiet. He made a brief stop in the bathroom, washing off the grime of a long day and stripping to his boxers before heading for the bed.
Heero smothered a snicker at the sight of Duo clutching *his* pillow. 'I guess it's safe to say that he missed me...' He slid into the bed and started to ease his pillow out of Duo's grasp, intending to transfer that tight hold to himself. Then he caught a glimpse of Duo's face in the dim light. It was tightly drawn and - were those *tearstains* on his cheeks?! He gently tugged the pillow again, wondering what the hell had happened to upset Duo that badly.
"No! Don't go, don't leave me..." Duo cried out sharply, clutching frantically at the pillow Heero had just pulled free.
"Shh, Duo, I'm here..." Heero murmured, quickly pulling Duo into his arms. 'Dammit, I *knew* I shouldn't have gone...'
With a sharp gasp, Duo's eyes flew open. "Heero?! You're here?!"
As Duo's arms wrapped tightly around him and he tucked his head under Heero's chin, Heero stroked Duo's back and murmured in explanation, "Quatre's meetings finished early so we decided to come straight home instead of waiting..."
"I'm glad... I wouldn't let Tro tell you till you guys got back, didn't want you to have to come back early just for me but I'm glad you *did* get back sooner than expected. Heero, W... W... Dammit," Duo swore, "I can't say the fucking *name*." He took a deep breath and choked out, "*Chang* called - I was near the phone so I answered; it kind of - threw me a bit."
Heero froze. He forced uncooperative vocal chords into action with difficulty, asking, "Are you okay? What did he want?" 'Please don't say he wants you back...'
Duo raised his head enough to shake it fiercely and mutter, "I don't know. I just walked away and called Tro to the phone. I don't want to hear anything *he* has to say."
"You didn't answer my other question. Are you okay?" Heero insisted gently.
Face pressed into the crook of Heero's neck, Duo mumbled, "I am now that you're here." He drew back slightly so that his voice was clearer as he said, "Ro, I really was okay up till then. I mean, I missed you but I *was* getting some sleep and I wasn't having really bad nightmares or anything. Seeing him and hearing his voice like that was just a big shock and it kind of upset me. But I didn't want you guys to come back early just 'cause of me; for god's sake I'm a fucking former Gundam pilot, not some wussy heroine out of a romance novel. I knew you'd be back soon, koi, I could handle the wait. Wasn't exactly my idea of *fun*, but I could handle it..."
Suppressing the urge to scold Duo for not telling him when they talked on the phone Friday night, Heero realized that he had only himself to blame for the delay. If he hadn't been such a fussbudget that first day he was away, Duo probably would have told him. As it was, Duo had been - justifiably, he admitted - afraid that he would drop everything and rush home. 'Quatre was right; I'm going to hurt our relationship if I keep overreacting to things. Duo trusted me to come home to him; if he'd been able to trust that I *wouldn't* come rushing home if he asked me not to then he wouldn't have had to wait to tell me about this.' "I'm sorry I was such an idiot earlier in the week, Duo. I didn't mean to imply that you couldn't handle being on your own, koi; I was feeling guilty about leaving you alone and those calls had as much to do with reassuring *me* as you. And instead of reassuring you that I missed you and was thinking about you, all I did was make you afraid to tell me what was going on for fear that I would overreact. I'm sorry..." he murmured softly.
Duo sighed and Heero felt the tension drain from him as he relaxed. "You understand then. Good. I didn't mean to hide it from you 'Ro, I just didn't want you dropping everything and running back here. I figured when you got home was soon enough to talk about it."
"It's okay. Next time something upsets you, tell me and I promise I'll listen to what *you* want me to do instead of overreacting, okay?"
"Okay." Duo was silent for a few minutes, then yawned. Sleepily, he said, "Love you, 'Ro. 'M glad you're home..."
"Me too, Duo," Heero whispered back. "Ai shiteru, koi." Duo pressed a kiss to his chest in response. Within only a few minutes, Duo dozed off in his arms. 'He said he was getting *some* sleep before Friday, not that he was getting *enough*,' Heero thought ruefully. 'So much for that comment of his before I left about him keeping me from sleeping when I got home because we'd be too busy making love...' But in a way, he was glad that Duo hadn't immediately wanted that. Coming right after Duo's confession about Wufei's call, it would have seemed - odd. Lying here together like this, with Duo sleeping peacefully in his embrace when his previous sleep had clearly been troubled meant more to Heero. It was a reminder of the trust between them. A reminder that their relationship was far deeper than just sex.
But Heero himself was not so easily able to sleep. Lying there feeling Duo's breath against the bare skin of his chest, feeling his lover's warm body pressed tightly to his, Heero couldn't help wondering exactly why Wufei had called. Whether he was merely looking to renew his friendship with the others or whether he was hoping to win Duo back.
And if Wufei *was* hoping to win Duo back, whether he might succeed. Whether what Duo and himself had built between them through hard work and perseverance, a relationship based on trust and love, would be enough to stand against the fact that Wufei was Duo's first love. Or whether first love would be strong enough to overcome the feelings of betrayal and anger and fear; enough to pull Duo away from Heero and leave him on the outside again. 'I don't think I could go back to being his best friend and nothing more... Not now, not when I know just how wonderful a relationship with him can be...' Heero's arms tightened around Duo, causing him to stir. Heero forced himself to relax his tight grip, not wanting to hurt Duo or even to wake him. 'If Wufei *does* try to take him back, I won't just bow out gracefully,' Heero decided, jaw set grimly. 'Not unless Duo himself asks me to...'
***
Duo remained where he was even though he was wide awake and had been for some time now. Heero was still sleeping and Duo didn't want to wake him, something that sliding out of his arms would almost certainly do. He suspected that Heero probably hadn't been sleeping very well while they were apart either. He hadn't really thought about the fact that Heero might be feeling guilty about leaving him this past week; hadn't considered that all those calls the first day were as much for Heero's benefit as for his own. 'I just thought he was being overprotective and fussing too damn much. Made me feel like he expected me to come apart at the seams in no time flat without him here. Wish he'd explained better at the time, I might not have insisted on him only calling every other day then. Talking to each other every day the way that Q and Tro did would've been a hell of a lot easier on both of us. But he'd pissed me off so damn bad that I just *had* to push things...'
Something he'd regretted almost immediately but had been too damn proud to rectify. 'Cut off my own nose to spite my face as Sister Helen used to say...' Duo thought ruefully. 'But at least I proved I *could* get by if I had to...' And difficult though it had been at times, especially lying in bed alone at night, he had never once doubted that Heero *would* be back when he said he would. That if anything had happened to delay him, Heero would have let him know immediately and done his best to get back as close to on schedule as possible.
As Heero stirred slightly, obviously beginning to waken, Duo smiled and shifted slightly to begin pressing light kisses to his chest. The ritual that he'd started that very first morning he and Heero had made love had become an invitation that they both used; one that was always the prelude to hours of slow and tender loving. Hours of cherishing and worshipping each other's bodies. Of lying entwined and talking quietly, exploring their relationship in other ways than the purely physical.
Oh, there were times when they were both in the mood for something different or when their schedules didn't allow for that sort of thing. Times when their joining was wilder and faster; when they didn't even make it as far as the bed in their urgency. But mornings that started with these tiny kisses meant only one thing; an entire day of being together and expressing their love for each other. The kind of day that he had been planning ever since Heero left on this trip with Quatre.
"Mmm... what a nice way to wake up..." Heero murmured huskily.
Duo dropped another kiss over Heero's heart and raised his eyes to meet Heero's. "Good morning, koibito," he said as he shifted so that he could kiss Heero deeply.
Once he drew back, Heero responded, "Good morning, koi. I take it we won't be joining the others for breakfast this morning..."
"Not unless you want to," Duo said seriously. It was entirely possible that there were things Heero needed to do or needed to discuss with the others. If so, they would simply put this on "pause" and come back to it later when whatever needed to be done had been taken care of.
Heero shook his head, smiling up at Duo. "No, there's nothing that can't wait. I'm all yours; whatever you want to do today is what we'll do..."
Duo leered down at Heero and pretended to wipe drool from the corner of his mouth. "Mmm... all mine, huh? Whatever I want..." He swooped down to kiss Heero again, then abruptly flipped onto his back, dragging Heero with him so that their positions were reversed. "I want you, koi. Want you filling me, completing me. Want you tempting me, teasing me. Want you so deep inside me that we're one... So close that I can't tell where I end and you begin..."
Heero growled in reaction to Duo's husky demands and pounced, silencing him with a deep kiss. Duo let his eyes drift shut as Heero began to kiss and nibble his earlobe, picking up where his tiny bit of teasing in the shuttle had left off nearly a week ago.
At first, Duo had always been careful to keep his eyes open when he and Heero made love. He'd been afraid that he would lose himself in memories and murmur the wrong name. He'd stopped worrying about that months ago. There was no way that he would ever mistake Heero for someone else; no way that he would ever slip up and call Wufei's name instead of Heero's. Heero's hands, his mouth, his touch, his kisses, his *scent*, were so uniquely his and his alone that Duo never got lost in memories while they were together like this. Never had to worry about forgetting who he was with. Not even now, with Wufei's memory fresh in his mind after that surprise phone call.
"Mmm, 'Ro... So good..." Duo gasped, arching into Heero's touch and forgetting everything but the man making love to him so tenderly and with such sure knowledge of his body. "Love you, Heero..."
***
"I'm glad you called, Wufei," Quatre said, smiling gently. "You're still our friend too. We told you that before and we meant it. I'll relay your request to Duo and let you know what he says. And I'll be expecting you to email me some pictures of that beautiful baby girl of yours!"
"Thank you, Quatre," Wufei said gratefully. "I'll be sure to send you some pictures. Mei *is* a beautiful little girl." He added silently, 'She is the only thing that makes all of this almost worthwhile.' He managed to give Quatre a small smile as he continued, "I'll be in touch. Goodbye for now."
"Goodbye Wufei."
The screen went black as Quatre disconnected the call. Wufei sagged in his chair, head dropping into his hands. 'Oh god. Duo is with Heero now. Has been for over a year...'
It hurt. Despite the fact that he had *hoped* that Heero could get Duo to fall in love with him; could make Duo happy again. It was just one more painful reminder that there was no going back. No way to magically fix everything.
'And what did Quatre mean when he said that the first year had been - difficult - for Duo, for *all* of them? And that Duo and Heero had worked very hard to build a relationship together?' Wufei had been afraid to ask for clarification. Something about Quatre's tone of voice and the way he had chosen his words so carefully had warned Wufei that it would be best to leave the subject alone. That there were things he was perhaps better off not knowing.
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