Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The D.C. Saga ❯ The D.C. Saga, Part Thirty ( Chapter 30 )

Title: The D.C. Saga, Part Thirty

Warnings: Shounen-ai, kissing, light to heavy angst. They discuss their friendship/relationship thing. You make up your mind whether it's really angsty or not.

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"Heero, I think we need to talk."

Heero looked up from the bench press he was on and blinked. After a moment's hesitation, he nodded in Duo's direction. "All right. Give me five more minutes?"

Duo bit his lip, extremely uncomfortable with seeing Heero shirtless and sweaty. "Sure, that's fine. Want me to leave, or just...you know, stay here?"

"Stay here. I won't be much longer."

Heero pushed the weights up again before bringing them down to his chest. Fifty-seven... Push up, let the weight fall down. Fifty-eight. Push, harder, muscles straining and quivering, bunching, coiling. Fifty-nine. Push, push! Sixty! Done!

He put the weights back on the bar and slowly sat up, breathing elevated, muscles warm and nicely worked. He rolled his neck around and grabbed a towel, dabbing at the sweat on his forehead and face, finally giving Duo his undivided attention. "What can I help you with?"

Duo huffed and hung his head, cheeks burning. "You know damn well what I want to talk about."

It had been nearly three days since their date, and they hadn't been alone since then. Missions were switched, jobs diffused, and Duo and Heero ended up doing a recon for WuFei and Trowa, who chose to remain at the base and do work from home instead. They said it was because they'd been gone too much recently, which Heero knew to be true, but he got a funny feeling every time he looked at the pair of them. As though they knew secrets that none of the others did.

But now he and Duo were blessedly alone. And now he began to get a little nervous. The way the American was looking at him...Heero didn't know if that was a good look or a bad look. He wasn't very good at judging expressions.

"You're right," he agreed, standing up and walking over to his clothes, pulling on a clean shirt. "I do know what you want to talk about. So talk."

Duo glared at him. "Why do I gotta go first?"

"Because you brought it up." He did a few cool-down stretches, making sure that his heart rate had slowed down to normal before leaving the room, Duo trailing behind him with a pout on his face.

"But just because I brought it up doesn't mean a damn thing. I feel stupid, so you have to go first."

"Why would you feel stupid?" He went into the kitchen and poured himself a tall glass of cold water, guzzling it down before refilling it. Duo waited patiently until Heero was done, and three glasses later, the Japanese boy finally spoke again. "Duo, there's no reason for you to feel stupid."

"But there is!" he insisted, face burning. "I mean...we've never talked about this kinda stuff before...It's weird, you know?"

"Then why talk about it?" he asked bluntly, blue eyes glittering darkly as he looked down into Duo's own bright violet. Since when had Duo gotten so much shorter than himself? They were nearly half a head apart in height now...

"Heero, we have to talk about it. We can't just keep ignoring it."

"I'm not ignoring it. I'm putting it aside."

Duo quirked a very small smile, which, of course, is what Heero wanted. "That's the same thing, you idiot." His voice was soft and he was smiling for real now, looking up at Heero with those gorgeous eyes. Heero gulped.

"So what do we have to talk about?" He wondered if he was blushing. He really hoped not.

"You know...the...you know."

"The date?"

"Not specifically."

"The ice-cream?"

Duo gave another huff. "Now you're just being a smartass."

"Yes," Heero said, exiting the kitchen, "I am."

The braided boy stomped off after him, finally grabbing his arm and spinning him around angrily. "You can't avoid this forever, Heero! We need to talk about that kiss!"

"What about it?" he wanted to know, serious. "You didn't push me away. I figured it was okay."

"That's not it," Duo said helplessly, frustrated with himself for being unable to give voice to the jumbled emotions that were swirling inside of him. "It was a good kiss as far as kisses go-my first, so I really have no comparison-but...I mean...it was from you."

Heero sat down on the couch nearest them and folded his legs beneath him, giving Duo that serious, appraising look that he always had right before he launched into a mission. Duo didn't care for that look when it was directed at him. "So you're basically saying that my kissing you was displeasing."

"No! No, don't interpret this wrong, Heero. It was a good kiss. It was. But...I mean, there was no warning for it."

"I figured the date was a warning."

Violet eyes blinked. "You asked me out on a date, so that was warning to kiss me?"

Heero nodded, messy hair falling into his eyes, giving him a vague punkish I-don't-need-no-authority kind of look. "Don't people kiss on dates?"

"Heero, we're not people. We're soldiers."

"Soldiers are people too."

"You sound like an infomercial." Duo sighed. "Okay, listen-I just want to know where we stand."

"Where do you want us to stand?" Heero shifted a little, leaning against the arm of the couch, stretching his legs out. The American made a conscious effort not to stare at the strip of skin exposed by his t-shirt.

"I don't know, really. I'm just very confused by it all."

"Why?"

"You keep asking a lot of questions," he pointed out, still not staring at the slightly exposed abdomen. "Why don't I ask you questions and you answer?"

"All right. You just did so."

"Smartass. Now, where do you want to stand?"

"I'd rather sit right here."

"Dammit! Heero, seriously! You have the weirdest sense of humor at the weirdest times, you know that?"

"Yes I do. I have discovered that humor can be used as a way to deflect people from prodding at you. I don't feel ready to offer up my comments on our pseudo-relationship, so I am going to use humor as a means of hiding."

Duo blinked. "Where'd you get that from?"

"Friends. Quatre made me watch it."

He sighed, annoyed, and rubbed at his temple with his fingers. "Heero. Please. I'm begging you here, just answer me."

"You want to know what I want?"

"Yes. I'd like that very much."

Heero stood up and walked over to the chair Duo occupied. He leaned in and tilted Duo's chin up and looked into his eyes, utterly solemn. "I like you. You're my best friend. You keep the nightmares away, you make me laugh, and you generally make me happy. I have never been happy before. I like it. So if being with you means being happy, then I'm going to be with you. Regardless of what you think." He leaned in and brushed his lips against Duo's, swiftly, softly. "So think about it. I know where I stand and how I feel. Now you just have to decide what you want to do.

"Don't let my feelings influence you. You're too stubborn for that, anyway. If you want me, you can have me. If you don't..." He shrugged. "Then we'll go back to being friends and I'll never offer again. So just think about it." He started to walk away, but Duo reached out and grabbed hold of his sleeve, eyes downcast.

"Heero..."

"Yeah?"

"It...it feels wrong. Tell me it's not wrong, Heero. Tell me that what I'm feeling isn't evil."

"I can't do that," he smiled. "I can't tell you anything. You have to decide for yourself."

"Do you feel it's wrong?" He finally chanced a look up and was blown away by the light of tenderness in those ocean blue eyes. "This, I mean." He gave a tug to the shirt. "You and me."

"No, I don't. But then I'm the person that doesn't feel that killing for peace is wrong, so I might not be a good person to ask. Do I think it's wrong to be lonely, to want something so badly but are unable to get it? Yes. Do I think it's wrong that we, two males, have affection for one another other than friendship? No. I really don't."

"How can it not bother you?" the braided boy wanted to know, brows drawn together in pained curiosity. "I think about it so much that it makes my head hurt."

Heero gave a quiet laugh. "Then don't think about it so much. Tell me something, Duo. Is it a worse sin to kill or to love?"

"To kill, of course!"

"Exactly. And that's precisely why it does not bother me."

"But...homosexuality...Heero, it's evil. The Bible says it's evil."

"The Bible also says that killing is evil. So if you believe the Bible, Duo, then you're evil and you're going to hell." He softened the harshness of his words with a light brush of his fingertips against Duo's cheek. "I don't know about you, but if I'm already going to hell, I don't think it matters if you love another person of the same gender or not."

"So you're saying you love me?"

"No. I don't."

Duo grinned. "Good. I don't either."

"I still have a lot to learn about you."

He sighed. "Same here."

Heero paused. "Are you willing to learn with me?"

Duo bit his lip. "Let me think about it some more."

"Fair enough." He pulled away and walked off, calling over his shoulder. "I'll be working on my laptop, if you need me." And he disappeared.

Duo sat back with a sigh, frowning and trying to gather his jumbled thoughts and untangle them from his feelings. He made a mental list of the pros and cons of continuing such a relationship.

Pro number one-Heero liked him. A lot. There was mutual affection in that, and from mutual affection came a relationship.

Con number one-They were males. Two males. Evil, evil, evil, a thousand times over, evil.

Pro number two-Heero was right. If they were already going to hell for killing, what's one more sin?

Con number two-They really didn't know each other all that well. What if it doesn't work out? What if, somewhere down the road, Duo gets his heart broken? What if they can't stand to be around each other? They'd lose the most important friendship in their short lives.

Pro number three-Kissing. Duo enjoyed kissing a whole hell of a lot. Kissing in and of itself would be the best thing ever.

Con number three...Come on, con number three...Duo wracked his brain, but for some reason he really couldn't think of another. Though he supplied himself with a whole lot more pros. Late-night talks. Seeing Heero smile that soft, gentle smile of his. Sleeping together literally, not figuratively. Figuratively sleeping together later on down the road. A life of love and happiness, if it worked out. A full life, not this empty one he was leading now. A life with Heero.

Duo exhaled and rubbed at a forming headache. Oh yeah...I'm gonna need more time to think about this...

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