Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Dark Side of the Heart ❯ Chapter 3 ( Chapter 3 )

The Dark Side of the Heart

Chapter 3

 

Author's Notes: It's been almost a year since I last updated this fic, so please excuse me if the mood is a little different. I don't think it is, but since I'm the author, I don't think I'm allowed to have an opinion on the matter. All you need to know is that this fic is all about an abusive, BDSM relationship that started as a PWP idea that was given to me during a horror movie and Gundam wing marathon when me and my friends were drunk on soda and sugar. In fact, we were watching Hellraiser when someone mentioned that you can completely break a person's soul via humiliation and sleep deprivation and when we were watching Gundam Wing, someone else mentioned that she thought fucking in a Gundam would be hot. At that point, I had known that many authors had done the whole `sex in a Gundam' thing (not enough in my opinion ^^) but The Dark Side was not written to be original, it was just supposed to be a short little PWP. However, it quickly became a victim of what I call `The Violence+Sex=Love' affect. In other words, my muse wouldn't shut up, so a one chapter slutty fic became something larger. The Dark Side of the Heart will be ten chapters long, I've decided. But, it's gonna become slightly more disturbing than the previous chapters. Also, there's a time jump, but that was planned a long time ago, it's not because I suddenly pulled that decision out of my ass. For those of you pissed off that I bastardized Quatre, I have this to say: the boy did blow up a colony. I'm not saying I'm not unsympathetic to the fact that his father had just died and that he was using Zero, I'm saying that everyone has darkness inside of them and after the events of that episode, I think it is clear that Quatre, for all of his cuteness, has a very serious darkness inside of him like all of the Gundam pilots and it drives me insane when people call him innocent. I think he's sweet and has an optimistic view of humanity, but innocent he is not, if he was, I wouldn't like him as much if he was ^^ C'mon, sweet, two dimensional characters are so boring! An astute reviewer mentioned that Heero and Quatre were the only pilots that had been exposed to Zero for a long stretch of time. Actually, that was a totally unconscious decision on my part.

 

 

 

 

 

AC 197, L4, Shahir (1) prefecture

 

 

Duo waited until his lovers had left the house before opening his eyes. Quatre had drawn the curtains open as he always did and the sun poured into the room and into Duo's eyes as he blinked them open. He winced, the light sending further waves of pain through his skull. Heero had somehow managed to slam his head against the headboard last night and Duo knew that the headache wouldn't be leaving him for awhile. He lay on his side on the bed for several minutes before finally looking at the clock. His back still hurt from last night. It had been a Thursday night and Heero had been energetic with the thought of the approaching weekend and a horny, hyper Heero was not necessarily a good thing. As he swung his legs over the bed, his ass stung and he rubbed at his bruised wrists, Quatre's work. Heero liked domineering him in more subtle ways, usually sexually, but it was Quatre, surprisingly, that liked to mark him. Duo winced as his feet made contact to the cold floor. He had to get ready for work.

 

*****

 

It was two years after the end of the war. The Gundams had been destroyed and the Gundam pilots had disappeared into obscurity. It had helped that Relena had made sure no one had gotten their names or faces. It hadn't been a decision of Duo's, of course, but Quatre, Heero, and Duo had moved in together on L4 while Trowa had gone to work with the circus on Earth and Wufei had disappeared. Duo had hoped that Quatre and Heero's strange relationship with him would end with the war while at the same time he craved their attention, but it hadn't. They had simply dragged him along when Quatre had gone to his home colony and they had been sharing a house since. After the Mariemeia rebellion, Wufei had re-emerged. Duo didn't know the specifics of his and Trowa's relationship or what had happened after the war to them since Quatre and Heero had refused Duo any contact with them after the battles had been over, but for some reason they had also moved to L4. It was strange having them so close, yet they seemed so far away to him. He would wake up late at night, yearning to call them even with Heero sleeping against him, but he never went through with it. He didn't want to be here anymore, but he didn't want anyone to know, either. He thought he would die of humiliation if Trowa and Wufei knew how easy he had broken during the war. He was still broken. He could never go against Heero and Quatre. He just didn't have the strength anymore. He wondered if he ever had. Very deep down, Duo wondered if it was still his love for Heero that was keeping him anchored to them, or something more sinister.

Duo dug out an almost empty bottle of Butalbital (2) and immediately swallowed two of the light blue pills dry. As he closed the medicine cabinet in the bathroom, his face reflected in the mirror. A pale boy with dark rings under his eyes stared back, looking lost and out of place in the opulent room. Living with Quatre had been like nothing he had ever experienced. The heir of WEI could afford the best and he had. The bathroom was the size of a normal bedroom with a Jacuzzi and bath salts and hundreds of things that Duo had never used or seen before. On his own, he steered clear of those things. His violet eyes stared back intently at his reflection. A black collar was around his neck, one of the few ornaments that his lover's had refused him to ever take off. He looked down at his thin body in disgust. He could still smell sex on him and would have to take a shower soon. His nipples throbbed from when Heero had tugged on the silver rings he had been pierced with. He touched one gently and winced again. He didn't bother looking any lower than that, he knew what was down there. A leather thong was wrapped tightly around the base of his cock and wound around his balls, the gold cross that was attached to the thong pressed against his sac by the bindings and the sharp edges dug into his skin as his flaccid penis lay against it. He shuddered at the incredible feelings of shame that hit him at the feeling of that warm metal on him. It was his punishment, one that he wore all the time now, unless he was allowed to cum, which was rare. His punishment for needing the pain to get through his whole guilt. His punishment for loving someone who was better than him. And yet, he missed his cross' weight on his chest. He found that the only way he could keep from taking the last dive into insanity was to not think of Sister Helen. If he thought about what she would think of his current life or the fact that it was her cross pressing against him right now… he didn't know what he would do, but his mind was already on a tentative grasp with reality he didn't think he would be able to think about his links from his past to his present. He had achieved a state of object instead of person through the years that had allowed him to function. If he stopped thinking of terms of morality and slavery, he could see that it wasn't so bad. He got fed three times a day if he was good, a roof over his head, hot water and a bed. Quatre and Heero's rules were strict, but if he obeyed them, it wasn't too bad. It hurt, inside and out, but he survived it and in the end, with Heero curled against his back, he could pretend he was somewhere else, in a different reality where Heero loved him, not just his body. Quatre and Heero owned him, his body and his mind, and he had come to accept that fact, it was just how easily it had happened that had scared him. He had stopped living in the future a long time ago. He had stopped making goals for himself, a job, love, school, all of those things he had simply put away in his mind somewhere and had refused to look at them. Now, he only lived in the present. What should he make for dinner? Would his bottle of pain killers last the weekend? If he took a shower, would he be able to cook himself breakfast or should he just grab a nutrition bar to make sure that he wasn't late for work? It was easy, really, he just refused to look at the bad things until there were no more good things to look at.

Duo turned on the hot water for the shower and stepped in, sighing as the water started to sooth his aches. He had no idea what Heero or Quatre did for a living. It was one of those rules, don't ask too many questions, just do as you're told. It was actually a very easy rule to follow along with his resolve not to think about things too much. He figured that Quatre must run WEI if he had the money to keep this house. He just knew that five times a week, they left in the morning and came back at night. Duo's job was another of those little things that kept him sane. It had been a battle at first, one that had resulted in many bruises and raised voices, but in the end, he had won. He figured that it was because it was one of the few things he had ever asked for. Quatre had been against it because he thought that Duo had been implying that he needed the money for some reason. Duo had responded that he had nothing to do when they weren't there and that the money was irrelevant, he just wanted to be doing something useful with his time. He had promised to only use the money to buy stupid things like movies or books and Quatre still monitored his spending, asking for receipts. Duo thought it was amusing that the blonde thought that he would be able to hoard money to try to escape from them. After two and a half years, he thought that it was apparent that he wasn't going to escape. Ever. Besides, on his salary, it would be impossible, but mostly, running from THE Quatre Winner was impossible in itself. Heero, on the other hand, had been worried that Duo's job would take away time that they would have spent together, but Duo had won that argument as well. His job finished an entire hour earlier than theirs, so by the time they were home, it was like Duo had never left the house.

It was spending time out of the house with real people in real world, outside of the little microcosm of pain and servitude his relationship had created that made him looking towards each morning. He imagined that if Quatre and Heero knew that he had made friends through his job, they would stop letting him go, but they also were aware of how important his job was to him, so they readily used it as leverage in other arguments they had had, like allowing Trowa and Wufei to visit. Duo wondered if the other two Gundam pilots thought it odd that the three of them were so distant from them. He wondered why Heero and Quatre also had decided not to speak to them, but it wasn't his place to question their motives.

Duo washed his hair quickly and stepped out of the shower, tugging on his uniform; a black polo shirt and slacks, and heading for their kitchen for his breakfast. His hair was one thing that had been ineffective as a threat because Quatre and Heero loved it as much as Duo and Duo was aware of that fact. In weaker moments, he'd wished that they had found someone else to take their desires out on, but his guilt wouldn't let him think that way for very long. He wouldn't wish this on anyone, besides, why was he thinking that way at all? He loved Heero, right? So, he should be happy that he was doing those things to him. He had been happy about it before… hadn't he?

Duo decided that he would risk being late and would make himself some waffles. After the night he had just had, he needed the sugar. He sighed when he got to the kitchen and found that it was a mess. Usually, Heero and Quatre would wake him up to make them breakfast, but they must have been in a hurry today. That thought was reinforced by the fact that the toaster was still plugged in and there were jars of various jam and sweet butter on the counter with empty glasses on the table, the dirty dishes piled by the sink, waiting for him to come around and take care of them. It was always like that. Duo was beginning to feel like their mother, which was plain wrong the more he thought of it. He was surprised that they relied on him so much to clean up their messes and do all of the other household chores. During the war, Heero had always been a control freak and Quatre had been almost obsessive with cleaning. They had always assumed that things would be clean when they got home, but then again, Duo had never disobeyed them, so he didn't know what they would do if it wasn't clean. However, considering the other punishments that they had put him through, he didn't care to find out.

 

*****

 

With breakfast eaten and the kitchen clean again, Duo felt better about his day. The aches and pains on his body he was used to, though it would be annoying doing his job being as sore as he was. He worked at a bookstore a few blocks away from their house. The store was modest compared to the other shops in the prefecture that they lived in, but they still got a lot of customers. Duo liked to think that the cozy atmosphere drew a less high brow crowd than the chain bookstores, but he wasn't there for the heavy business or the little money he got. He liked the intimacy of such a small place. He knew everyone that worked there and all of the customers. It was close to the house, so he could just walk and he got discounts. Heero and Quatre didn't seem to realize how much he liked to read for all that they called him stupid, but he was glad to have one thing that he could keep a secret from them. They seemed to know everything about him, just by looking at him, and he hated that. The bookstore was a quiet place where he could just relax and not think about what was happening at home. When he worked there, he could just submerse himself in the books and pleasant people that worked there. At times he felt like he was living a double life. There was his life at home, one filled with abuse and doubt, guilt and darkness, a life in which he would do anything just for a little scrap of affection, then there was his life outside of the house, in which there was a Duo who smiled and chatted happily with his coworkers, read books in cafes and bought croissants for the nice old lady, Mrs. Aplebee, who ran the bookstore. Those two people were so far apart from each other, it was a wonder that they could exist in the same body, but Duo found that it was easy to distance himself from that other self when he was working. He wondered which one was real, the slut that Heero and Quatre called him, or the `sweet boy' that Mrs. Aplebee thought that he was. Before he left, he took a swig from an almost empty beer can that was in the fridge.

As he walked to work on the empty street, as the only people out at this hour were going to work themselves, he thought about Wufei and Trowa. He had last seen the two of them during the battle against Dekim Barton. He had heard through Quatre, who had heard it through Irea, who had heard it through Relena, that the two were now a happy couple and had moved to L4 to go to school. Trowa was trying to become a vet and Wufei wanted to become a lawyer. It suited them, or at least what Duo remembered about them from the war. Trowa had always loved animals and Wufei's sense of justice was only rivaled by his silver tongue and keen mind. He hoped that they were as happy as Relena had said, he hadn't seen them in such a long time and hadn't spoken to them intimately for even longer, but he had liked them and they had been friends once, long ago. It was so frustrating… he wanted to see them! He wasn't quite sure why, but he really wanted to, but Heero and Quatre had said not to… so he wouldn't. Still, he couldn't see why Quatre and Heero seemed to hate the other two pilots so much. He wasn't even sure if they were afraid he would tell them what was going on, or that they simply disliked them for some other reason. Quatre had loved Trowa once, but now just saying his name would send Quatre into a rage, one that he always took out on Duo, whether he had been the one to bring up or not. But, Duo wondered if Quatre had at some point wanted to do what he was doing to Duo to Trowa. He also wondered is, with Heero's obsession with long hair, he had ever been attracted to Zechs or Wufei, since he knew that Heero was also gay and hated women. If that was the case, he was glad that it had been him. But… what if it had really been because they knew how weak he was? That neither had dared to go for Trowa or Wufei because they were stronger, less vulnerable than Duo had ever been? It didn't matter, though, Trowa and Wufei were together now, and Duo was with Quatre and Heero. He would probably never see them again, so why did he feel so bitter about it?

Before he entered the bookstore, he checked the collar of his polo shirt to make sure that it was covering over his other collar. It wouldn't do for Mrs. Aplebee or Sal, who worked at the register while Duo did stock, to see that. In the past, he would have considered taking off the collar and tether around his cock, but they were a part of him now. Besides, Heero and Quatre always seemed to know when he disobeyed him. When that happened, they weren't afraid to punish him so badly that he would miss work. When your lover was Quatre Winner, disobedience wasn't an option. The blonde could make him disappear in an instant. It wasn't like anyone would look for him anyway.

“Hi, Duo!” Sal cried as Duo walked into the store. Duo smiled and waved at her and Mrs. Aplebee at the register/customer service desk. Sal was a sweet girl that was only two years older than him, yet continued to consider him her baby brother and treated him like a little kid. For awhile, Duo had thought that she pitied him. There weren't many places around here that he could reach without a car, allowed him to work fewer hours than Heero and Quatre worked, that would take a kid like him with no references with his past. But, Mrs. Aplebee had needed someone to do stock and for some reason that Duo couldn't fathom, she had seen something in him that she had trusted and hired him on the spot. Over time Duo had learned that Sal's attitude towards him had nothing to do with him needing a job so badly, it as just her personality. He wandered over to them and listened to Sal as she chatted about her boyfriend and his inability to go through dinner with her parents. He laughed as she begged for Duo to marry her since he was more of a man than her Brian would ever be, though she knew he was gay and it was all just harmless teasing. Mrs. Aplebee watched them with a motherly look in her eyes and Duo wondered if it was because she was so lonely. Both he and Sal knew that she didn't have any children, but Duo wondered if she babied him because she thought that he was so pathetic. As the first customers started to come in, Duo wandered over to the children's section. They had some new story books he needed to stock by three and as soon as kids started to come in, keeping the section neat would be impossible. The bright colors and stuffed animals that filled the small section cheered him up as he worked.

 

*****

 

By the time Quatre had come home for work, Heero had already been home for an hour and had refused to wait for dinner, so he and Heero had eaten alone. Duo had thought that Quatre would throw a fit at not having dinner hot and ready on the table when he had finally gotten home, but at that point of his day, the blonde man had been too strung out and tired to care about food. So, after dishes were done and the kitchen was clean once more, Duo commenced with his next chore.

Duo took all of their clothes from the hamper in the bathroom to the laundry room and started the wash. That completed, he took off all of his own clothes and put them in the laundry basket, walking back to the bedroom where Quatre and Heero were already waiting for him. Duo saw that they were both naked and sitting on the bed, their clothes strewn around the floor. He made a mental note to pick them up and throw them in with the rest of the clothes when they were done here. Duo stood in the doorway and waited for the command. Sometimes it was immediate and other times he had to wait for awhile. The worst was when he had to guess what they wanted from him and if he guessed wrong, he would be punished. Heero stared at him with naked lust, his blue eyes glinting in the brightly lit room. They never had sex in the dark unless they wanted to keep him off balance. They liked to watch. Both Quatre and Heero were hard, but Duo wasn't quite there yet, but he knew that they would make sure that he was by the time they got down to the serious stuff. They liked making him beg for all the things he didn't really want.

“Come here,” Heero said. Duo's body reacted before his mind registered the command fully. It was almost automatic. Heero told him to do something and he did it. Quatre licked his lips as their prey sat against the head board, waiting for his next command.

“We want you to pleasure yourself. You are not allowed to come unless we tell you to, do you understand?”

Duo nodded weakly. So Heero was in a playful mood tonight. That wasn't good, and it was a Friday so none of them had to work tomorrow.

“Yes, Master,” Duo said. He knew the rule, when he was in the house; he was to call them both Master unless they told him otherwise. It was the same thing with orgasms, if Heero told him not to come, Duo knew better than to not comply. He had finally gotten to the point where he could do so without the use of a cock ring, the threat of pain was a good deterrent.

“Spread your legs,” Heero continued with his orders, watching as Duo did so. The long haired boy's cock was starting to rise a little, but, Heero saw with displeasure, not nearly as much as he wanted, but he would be hard soon. Duo was so stubborn, he acted like he hated this, but his body yearned for it (3). Just with a simple command and his cock was reacting.

“Do your nipples, use the rings.”

Duo shuddered with the command. He hated this, hated the piercings, hated how they looked at his body like it was something attractive when all he felt was… mangled. His hands reached for his nipples, rubbing against the soft skin at first with just his fingertips. Quatre and Heero's eyes burned into him as he rubbed the tips with his thumb, trying to keep away from the silver rings, but knowing that eventually he would have to touch them. He squeezed his eyes shut and grabbed the rings, tugging at them lightly and gasping as his nipples were pulled by them. Pleasure, hot and electric, shot through him.

“Open your eyes,” he heard Heero say. His eyes slid open, clouded with pleasure. This was the worst, in his head, he didn't want it, but his body felt so hot. He hooked his pinkies around the rings, pulling with a little more force and used his thumbs and first fingers to pinch and roll his nipples, crying as he felt his cock harden at the feeling of the pleasant heat inside of him.

“Wrap your hand around your cock and pump it, slowly,” Heero said. Quatre moaned and started to jerk on his own cock as Duo gripped his cock and slid his hand up and down the hardened length as slowly as he could, groaning as his balls tightened. It felt weird, touching himself like this with his lover's watching. He had never really gotten used to it though Heero seemed to enjoy watching him do it. His other hand still tugged at one of his nipple rings and he felt his thigh muscles tighten and another moan left him. It felt too good, that fire gathering in his groin.

“Faster.”

Duo quickened the pace of his hand on his dick, his movements becoming more fluid as he became hornier and a little trickle of precum started to drip from the slit of his penis.

“Now do your balls with your other hand,” Heero said, his voice becoming heavy as Duo began to pant with desire. Duo tossed his head back in frustration as he palmed his balls, rolling them around in his hand. It was hard to touch himself like this with the thong on him and the cross dug into his balls as they tightened against him. He wanted to cum so badly, but that was bad. He couldn't cum, Heero hadn't said so yet.

“Use your middle finger and fuck yourself.”

Duo bit his lip and struggled not to close his eyes as he kept his hand on his sac, but stretched his middle finger to penetrate himself with the long digit. He cried out as his finger was suddenly surrounded by tight muscle and heat. His thighs trembled as he slid that finger in and out of himself, swirling it around inside of him and his hand became faster on his cock, but even as the organ became more swollen and bright red, he didn't cum. Heero and Quatre watched him as Duo's back arched and his entire body tightened with the need to let go of the load that had gathered in his glands.

“Please,” Duo sobbed even as he continued to play with his body, bringing it closer and closer to insanity, “Masters, let me cum.”

“No,” Heero said sharply. Duo stared at him in shock.

“I think,” Heero continued, “that I won't let you come tonight.”

Duo sobbed again, his balls drawing tight to his body, but he couldn't, Heero had told him not to. Still, his hand was tight and warm around his cock and the friction it was creating as it slid up and down from head to base along with the feeling of his finger stroking the nerves of his inner walls were starting to hurt.

“Come here, Duo,” he heard Quatre finally speak. Duo trembled as he withdrew his finger and crawled on hands and knees to Quatre.

“Yes, Master,” he managed to choke out as his body throbbed. Quatre grabbed his own cock straight from his body.

“Be a good little slut and take care of this for me, will you?” Quatre smiled, but there was nothing pleasant in it that Duo could see. Duo placed his hands on Quatre's thighs to balance himself and lowered his mouth down onto Quatre's impressive length. The blonde hissed as he felt the American's hot mouth on his aching cock. Duo placed his lips on the slit of the penis and slowly slid down on it until his nose was nestled in Quatre's soft curls, wrapping and swirling his tongue around it, sucking deeply. He heard Quatre moan above him and then felt Heero grab his hips. He screamed, making Quatre laugh in glee, as Heero suddenly thrust into him. His insides stretched, taking in Heero's ample cock and his own genitals throbbed, his muscles convulsing and Duo knew that if could, he would have come in that moment.

Quatre grabbed his head and began to fuck his mouth at the same time that Heero started to fuck his ass. He felt Heero lean over him and start to pound into him as his heavy body rested on Duo's slim back, his hips slamming into Duo's ass and his balls slapping against the long haired boy's tortured ones. Duo almost gagged as Quatre came with a shout into his throat, but he did what he was supposed to and tightened his lips around him and swallowed every drop of the bitter, thick stuff. Heero, however, was not as easily satisfied and his fingers dug into the soft globes of Duo's ass, spreading his cheeks so he could watch as his thick cock slid in and out of the tight asshole, his precum dripping into Duo's warm channel in a thick stream. Duo was always sinfully tight and Heero knew that he wasn't going to last much longer.

Duo felt tears start to stream down his cheeks as Heero's cock struck that spot deep inside of him that sent waves of white hot pleasure shooting through him and as soon as Quatre's limp member slid out of his mouth, he screamed in an inarticulate cry of need and pleading. His cock was a hard, solid rod of flesh against his stomach, pounding in pain and tension as Heero worked his ass. Duo thought that his cock had to be completely soaked with the amount of precum dripping out of it by now. Suddenly, Heero shoved himself all the way to the thick curls of his groin and came with a shout, thick cum shooting and spitting inside of Duo's ass, filling him up and Heero's hard length acting like a stopper until every drop was milked from him and he finally pulled out. Duo sunk into the sheets, shaking almost violently, his wet cock twitching against the softness of the bed. He felt Heero lay on the bed next to him, not bothering to clean himself off and Quatre curled up on Duo's other side.

Duo blinked the tears away and crawled over Quatre, standing by the bed. Cum dripped out of him in thick globs, but he ignored it for now along with the unsettling tightness of his balls and wet a washcloth, returning to the bedroom to wipe the two men down. He walked naked to the laundry room, taking out the clothes from the washer and put them in the dryer and tossed the washcloth and remaining clothes into the washer with a grimace. He would dry them in the morning.

He looked down at himself. He could taste Quatre's semen, thick and unpleasant, on his tongue. He had bruises on his hips and Heero's semen was starting to dry on his ass and thighs. His nipples were red and sore from when he had tugged at them, but his genitals were the worst. His cock was dark red and badly swollen, glistening with sweat and precum. He couldn't see his balls, but figured they had to look bad with how sore they felt. He had to take care of this. It wasn't the first time that he had been denied orgasm and it wouldn't be the last, but waiting for it to go away was going to be painful. An idea came to him and he walked to the kitchen.

The moon shone brightly through the kitchen window and Duo refused to look down at himself in the light. In the dark it had been bright enough. That reminded him, he needed to shut off the light in the bedroom or Heero would be pissed at the wasted electricity. Duo took a knife out of the utensil drawer and a salt shaker from one of the cabinets. He watched carefully as he cut a thin, shallow line across his hip. Pain hit him, but it wasn't enough. Heero had hit him too much during sex. He dumped a bunch of salt into his hand and pressed it against the wound. He quickly pressed a towel against the sluggishly bleeding cut and watched in satisfaction as the sudden stinging pain made his cock wilt. He waited until his penis was completely flaccid before heading back to the bedroom. His erection was gone, but his genitals were still painfully sore and he knew he would be feeling it in the morning. As he passed by the laundry room, he tossed the bloody towel into the laundry basket. He would deal with it in the morning.

 

 

End Chapter 3

 

The prefecture is supposed to be named after Quatre's father, but since I don't think we ever learned his name, I just came up with something on the top of my head.

Butalbital is a very strong painkiller that is only used if regular stuff like Tylenol no longer has any affect on you. It makes you depressed and sleepy and has a bunch of other not so good effects. Also, when taking Butalbital, it is a very bad idea to have any alcohol *hint hint* Oh, yeah, and it is incredibly addictive.

I would like to say for the record that this does count as rape. When proper stimulus is applied almost anyone will respond to it, it's an automatic reaction, but it doesn't mean you want it. On the whole blue ball issue, denying someone release isn't a total bad thing. Yes, it is painful and when semen isn't released, it can cause swelling and pain, but the body can reabsorb it, so the erection doesn't last forever. However, when guys don't come regularly, the fluid will build up in the prostate and this can lead to a lot of bad issues, like prostate cancer, so doing it on a regular basis isn't good.