Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Death of a Princess ❯ Chapter 1

Gundam Wing is the property of Bandai and Sotsu agency. This is fanwork, I make no money out of it.

 

Not beta-read

 

 

The Death of a Princess

 

 

 

Relena opened the door to a long, narrow corridor. She was leaving her private chambers to have dinner with her guests. They had all arrived as sceduled, and she wasn't even familiar with all of them. Some of them were just amicably smiling faces, a blurr of features she couldn't have distinguished into separate people if she tried.

 

The heel of her shoe was biting into her ankle again. It hurt but she could smile. That was, after all, what she did best. Smiled... The enigmatic smile of a geisha of the olden days, when none of her enchanted suitors would come to think, that her smile was really born out of pain.

 

 

She passed their door. It was made of cherrywood, and had a reddish tint to it. She could hear voices behind it, but that was allright. She was early, they weren't late. She had to be there before anyone else was, you see. It was her duty to welcome everyone, to welcome them warmly.

 

She heard muffled laughter behind the door. Her lips curved into a sad, wistfull smile. How could they think she didn't like Duo Maxwell? No, she didn't know him very well, but he always had a smile for her, and he called her ”lady” and ”princess” using these halfly humorous tones that always made her feel not so official and yet very appreciated. No, she didn't dislike him… Heero, on the other hand…

 

Shaking her head she picked up pace, not noticing a crack in the old floorboards, and the next thing she new, she was tumbling forward. She managed to catch herself by putting her left hand under her, but falling on it with all her weight made it twist painfully. Her matte rose colored gown rode up her legs and stretched over her behind making an ominous sound. She bit her lip not to cry, but when she heard the hinges of a door creak behind her, she scrambled up as fast as she could and threw herself against a big, darkbrown door to her right, that began to swing open for her. She let herself fall in and shut the door quickly. Alone, in the dust smelling darkness of the broom closet she held her breath.

 

“Relina..?” How could have he known it was her?

 

“Relina…Are you here?” His soft voice was unsure, hushed in the big corridor as if he were afraid to raise it. The corridor often had that effect on her as well.

 

Relena was beginning to see stars, but still she wouldn't breathe and tried to think of some place, a beach, where the sand was white and the sunset was golden veils and liquid ruby red over the ocean… That only made her think of the first time she ever saw Heero. Couldn't he just give up already??

 

Then she heard Duo's voice calling him, and his footsteps began to fade. Relena let out a huge breath. It was almost comfortable here in the closet. Warm and safe… Just thinking about Heero made her want to cry.

 

Why? She had loved him with all her heart. Still she loved him. She often found her gaze trailing worriedly after him, and her fingers gently brushing his hair behind his ear when he was close. Why?

 

Why had he had to be that way? He withdrew from her, he stopped talking to her, he turned his back and told her to try and find some peace. He told her she needed to be alone to find herself, but his eyes betrayed him. He was scared of her emotions. He left her. He completely left her, and no one was by her side. Relena let her forehead fall softy against the wooden surface of the door. She squeezed her eyes shut.

 

Why couldn't have he put his arms around her and told her that he was sorry, if he so much wanted to be her friend still? Why couldn't have he just held her through her pain? Why couldn't have he allowed her to cry while soothingly petting her hair, telling her that he still cared for her, if even just a little. Why did he have to be so cold, and treat her like she was sick?

 

He had come back after they'd finally found each other with Duo. He had approached her, and clapped her lightly on her left shoulderblade. He'd said: “Finally you have grown up, Relina. Now that your silly… whatever it was is gone, we can be friends, ne?” And then he had given her a winning smile, and she had known that either she would deny herself, or leave everyone thinking that she still hadn't changed from the silly little girl she had been. So she smiled, and spat on her own feelings.

 

She really took herself, and rubbed herself in the mud. She belittled herself, she made her feelings into a trite joke. The more she talked, the happier he got. She could see that from all his nodding and smiling. And when he didn't know she was behind the corner, she had heard him confess to his partner that little Relina had finally become someone he could stand to be around.

 

Relena yanked her hands up and pressed her palms violently to her lips, crushing them until they hurt. Her shoulders shook for a while, but she managed not to cry. Gathering herself she pushed the door open and smoothed her dress. She tiptoed out of the closet, and pressed the door shut with a careful motion.

 

Her foot still hurt. She hoped it wouldn't bleed, though the dress would cover that, if it happened. Looking to her right, she passed the second door quickly. It was laquered sort of gray, and metallic looking. Dorothy had the strangest notions… But changing her door colors the fit her moods must have been one of the weirdest. Relena kept going, moving in tiny, tiny steps in her slim gown and high heels. Dorothy would probably have something to say about her dress if she saw it…

 

 

That day, Dorothy had swung around, flipping her shiny curtain of her over her shoulder and looked at Relena judgingly, letting her gaze run down Relena's figure. The she'd tsk'd at her. “No more chocolate for you, miss Relena. You are getting fat.”

 

When Relena had given herself an astonished look, Dorothy had just shook her head impatiently.

 

“You keep on getting fat like that, and the war promoting party of that silly major Eggs will get more votes than you will. All they have to do is hire a pretty -and thin- girl for their campaign, and you are toast, my friend.”

 

Relena could not believe what she was hearing. First of all, she was not getting fat, she was growing up! And secondly… “Is that really what the voters are voting? My figure??” She had not been able to stop her voice from rising. She had been ready for a yelling match, when Dorothy had completely stepped on her and neatly crushed her under her foot.

 

“I did some surveys. Oh Rel.. You don't honestly believe that somebody's actually listening to what you're saying?” and she had laughed. “ I have asked around, and the young men around this are have absolutely NO idea what you are saying, but they could describe the top you were wearing quite accurately. They all knew that you have wonderfull knockers.” And again she had laughed.

 

Relena had staggered backwards as if hit, before she could regain her composure. She had left the room feeling very small. No one cared about what she had to say… The message she had to give. No one even knew what it was. She had spent hours preparing her speeches, and all they remembered of it was her top and her breasts. And were she to gain weight… Her political career would be over. Had nothing to with opinions or saving the world. Everything to do with a measuring tape… Her voters didn't care. When she tried to tell Dorothy how bad she now felt, the other girl shooed her out of the room telling her to grow up.

 

Yes, she had really lost faith that day… Even though she knew what Dorothy had said was probably only half of the truth the fact that she could just coldly say so to her face proved that she didn't believe in Relena's campaing anymore. She, who Relena had trusted so much, only saw her as a model for the party promoting peace. Dorothy was not her friend after all…

 

And though she had begun to dislike Dorothy who had seemed to admire her in the past, she still wasn't the person Relena hated the most in this world. No. The one she could not bear to have around her was-

 

“Oh! Relena! I'm so happy I caught you!” His bright laughter rang in hallway. “I've been for a walk and I came back early, hoping that's I'd find you. Since I have nothing special to do, maybe I could help you somehow?”

 

Him.

 

Words could not describe how she hated him. She loathed him. He made her physically ill.

 

“No, Quatre. Please, just wait until it's dinner time. I don't want you to strain yourself. You are my guest, after all.” And dropping her gaze demurely she gave him the sweetest smile she had in her arsenal. She had to stand there and debate with him for three minutes, before he would disappear behind his door, the one that rays of sun always seemed to hit.

 

She shivered in the empty corridor. During the days of war, he had ran after that tall pilot like a lovesick puppy. From what Relena had heard, Trowa had tried his best to brush Quatre off, to communicate to him that he was not welcoming his company, that he needed to go and leave him alone. But what did he do? The exact opposite.

 

Just like Relena who just wanted to spend time with Heero, he had gone after Trowa to be with him. And what did people say about that? They defended him! They never used words such as “silly crush”, they never him into nothing to better deal with him. They symphatized with him, approved of his every action, even when he tried to kill Heero! They treated his feelings as if they were real and precious, and his heart like they needed to be extra careful around it lest it would wound from a carelessly tossed word.

 

But what had happened with that fabled love story, the one that was supposed to be budding into a full and beautiful flower near the end of the war? It had dwindled into nothing. By the time Mariemaia tried to take over the world, Trowa and Quatre had forgotten each other so completely, they hardly exchanged two words anymore. Trowa would probably end up marrying that so called sister of his and Quatre… He would turn up with some random princess one day, and then everyone would celebrate that.

 

Just looking at them made Relena baffled. Not only had they forgotten their love, if they ever had it to begin with, but their friendship also. If Trowa was to die, Quatre wouldn't take it any more personally than seeing a dead animal. He always grieved for those, but his didn't break because they were dead. They gave eachother absolute no time of the day.

 

Relena herself still wanted to be near Heero. She wanted to hear his voice and talk to him about things… She wanted him to talk to her. She had never stopped feeling love for him, perhaps because she really liked the boy and even knew him somewhat. That made her wonder about the blond. Had he never managed to get close to Trowa after all?

 

Relena started walking again, but this time the pain in her ankle really bothered her, and it was harder to ignore it . The winding stairs at the end of the corridor looked black, somehow falling in to the shadows though there was window above them. Now she was limping.

 

“like a lame horse” she whispered. And what did they usually do to horses that were lame?

 

She kept going. Were Heero to die, there was absolutely no way she could prevent it. He just didn't care about her enough to stop for her tears. He had stopped once. She had made him think of life… But now, it didn't matter if her heart would break, he would off himself, if he would so choose. What a lucky thing he had gradually become an item with Duo. First visiting him, and them more and more often, finally finding himself living with him, and so they had slided into relationship, and looked happier for it. Duo could stop him, and better yet, Duo could make him love his life a bit more, so there was no need to actually stop anything.

 

Relena sighed. If only she would get more attention from Heero. But of course she didn't. She would have been happy, if he would have told her that he hated her! At least then he would feel something for her. But he didn't hate her. Didn't love her either. Probably forgot all about her when she was out of his direct line of vision…

 

Relena gave a small, bitter laugh. She was like lukewarm water to him. He really didn't have an opinion about her. Other than the “she's nice” that everyone usually gave. Nice. Such a nondescript word. It could mean anything. It could mean that she had done something nice for the person who was calling her nice, or it could even be an impression from someone who had never actually met her. It was vague at best. All she could inspire was vague statements.

 

Now the stairs were before her, and suddenly she got dizzy. Leaning on the wall she focused on breathing calmly. She was so afraid to descend them, that she wanted to cry just for that. She had spent the previous night being chased by wild beasts from her subconscious and now her tiredness wanted to take over.

 

A strand of her hair had escaped from her carefully done chignon, and now it was stcking to her forehead, glued there by the sweat of fear and the hotness from the upper floor. She looked over he shoulder. Maybe she could wobble back to her room and lie down for a while..?

 

She looked at a door next to hers. It belonged to Lucrezia. She insisted on being her bodyguard, saying that she needed one. Relena accepted her, mostly because she was lonely. At least Lucretia was always kind to her, and never asked her to change. The only problem with her was, that she was always at work with Relena. Stiff and militarian she guarded her safety, but perhaps , if Relena just kept talking to her, one day she would begin to crack, and then maybe they could become friends? Maybe she could go to Lu now? Right now! She could walk back and-

 

But no. The door was so far away she couldn't go back anymore. Her foot hurt far too much, and she refused to take the shoe off. She had taken the pain before and kept on going with a smile on her face. What was so different now? And besides… Sighing she gripped the handrail on the wall and took one, wobbly step forward. Her knee almost gave out and she couldn't stand it.

 

With the help of her aggression she began descending the stairs, briskly and normally, while her eyes were tearing up with pain. That had never happened before. It felt like forever, but finally she saw her hall. She was looking at it from the corner, the main entrance and the main stairwell in the center of it, a huge chandelier lighting the space. It looked dark to her suddenly. All shadows, dark green marble and too high ceiling. Her gaze jumped from the middle of it all to the small table near the stairs she had just used. On it lay her purse and phone, untouched, like she had demanded. She wanted to feel at least a little bit at home here, and that included being able to leave your purse on the hall table and not have it returned to your room by someone of your staff.

 

Suddenly she found herself grabbing the purse, clutching the phone and limping to the door. She could not have told anyone what she was doing, it was like her body was moving on it's own accord, with no consultation with her brain first. She her her heels clicking on the floor, and then her hand was on the door handle of the small side door. She was out before she knew it, and the bang of the door behind her sounded like the gates of a prison, except that she was getting out.

 

Outside, she could hear birds singing. The air was warm and sweet. The sky that arched above her was stunningly blue, and small gusts of wind carried the smell of roses to her nose. She could see the sea glittering before her, and a few shreds of clouds that were languidly resting on the blue above it.

 

Suddenly she was running. Her heels dug deep into the emerald green lawn and her dress was swishing and rubbing against her legs, but none of that mattered. Down on the shore, a pier stretched into the water, a few boats floating on the serene water before it. They were hers, and she carried a key to one of them.

 

Now she could feel blood oozing from her ankle, probably staining her shoe. Who cared about that? She didn't. She kept running, clutching the purse to her chest. Arriving to the pier, she literally jumped on the white, small boat, and managed to unattach it from the pier though she wasn't very experienced.

 

Lettting the rope pool on the deck, she dived into the small cockpit, sticking the key into the ignition, and then she left, steering the boat straight into the sea.

 

It was amazing, the feeling of freedom she experienced. No one came after her, and she didn't know how long she kept going until she finally stopped, seeing nothing but water wherever she looked.

 

Suddenly she was tired. Allowing the boat to just drift, she returned to the deck. Slumping on the white surface, she finally took the shoes off. Made of softly shining rose colored silk they were beautiful, their heels made of something that looked like smoky glass. They were lovely, rosey, and stained with blood.

 

Why had she ever put these shoes on? They were painful. Why would anyone wear them? A gust of wind blew some hair on her face, which she absentmindedly brushed away. She was in no hurry now. She kept staring at the shoes for a little while longer, and then she lift both of them high above her head and toseed them as far into the sea as she could. They broke the surface with an audible splash disappearing under it after that, leaving only a few bubbles of foam in their wake.

 

Relena's body hit the deck as she curled up into a tiny, tiny ball and cried her heart out. She cried like she had never cried before, her eyes puffing up, her face aching and snot running in rivulets down her nose. Her slender back was shaking with each sob and finally her arms were wet with her tears to their elbows.

 

She cried, she cried and she cried until finally she only had a few empty, dry hiccups left. She tore at her dress to wipe her face at the hem, and got up supporting herself on unsteady hands. Still shaking, she went inside, to the small cabin that had a table and a bed in it. Above the bed was round window and the rays of the sun were shining through it. She looked for her purse, and set it with her phone on the table, next to a small radio.

 

Putting the radio on, she let herself fall on the blanket, resting her head on the pillow under it. The song playing was about love, but for once she didn't feel bad listening to it. She could remember listening when she had thought of Heero, but right now, the song belonged only to her.

 

The sun was so warm on her back, and song so soothing that she began to fall asleep. She was empty of bitter feelings, and it felt almost like someone was petting her back, in slow and soothing motions. She was so relaxed, that when the boat suddenly shook and made a loud banging noise, she couldn't bother herself to get up.

 

The sound of bubbling water reached her ears, but the same song was still on, and sun still warmed her back, and she was still so very, very tired that she just couldn't get up. She knew she should probably worry about the noise, but she just couldn't. It was unfair to ask that of her right now, when she was finally so relaxed, and nothing troubled her mind.

 

She would get up. In just a few minutes. She would take her cell and call someone… But she just wanted to listen to the song first…

 

Feeling herself calm and warm, Relena Darlian drifted off to sleep.