Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Elven Mage ❯ Of Sorrow and Utter Joy. ( Chapter 10 )

Warnings: Trowa angst, lots of it. The usual shounen-ai, I don't think there's bad language…

Disclaimer: The GW boys and their various associates do not belong to me, however Nihrana and Shiakara and the creatures living with Treize do, so don't steal 'em!

Author's notes: Wow! O_o That was really, really quick, ne? Go me! I've got momentum!

~ ~ ~

Trowa watched Quatre from the safety of the shadows, silent and invisible. The faery smiled at the three young kits in human form swarming around his feet and hollering for magic tricks. Quatre squatted down so he was at eye-level with them, and lifted his wand, then asked a question of them which Trowa couldn't catch. They chorused an answer and Quatre laughed, then waved his wand above their heads. A shining halo of light appeared above each of the three pairs of ears and tiny angel wings on each of their backs. They squealed happily and dashed off.

Quatre called out to them.

"They'll only last an hour or so!"

The three kits called back their acknowledgement, then went to boast to their friends.

Quatre laughed softly, then headed to where he knew they would all be meeting to lay plans.

Trowa sighed and bowed his head, a single tear falling from his eye. He loved Quatre so much, it hurt and he'd been sure declaring his love would lead to Quatre in his arms, kissing him and taking that pain away. Instead, the pain was worsened and he was afraid to even speak to the faery. He'd been so sure Quatre felt the same. So sure.

"Stupid cat… Stupid…" he muttered to himself, feeling another tear fall as his eyes fell shut. One ear flicked and quivered in agitation, his feline instincts warring with his human sensibilities. The instincts said to try again, to force Quatre to love him, but his sensibilities knew better, knew the faery would never love him, knew the faery would never need or want him, knew it and felt the pain of that knowledge.

One soft, heartbreaking sob issued forth from the pantherin before he managed to force the emotion back down. He knew if he let himself cry now, he wouldn't stop for some time. He had been crying off and on for the entire night and was done with it, had had enough. He didn't want to cry anymore, but it was hard not to. He hadn't seen anything beyond Quatre. Once he'd realized what he felt for the faery, he'd pinned his entire future on him and hadn't thought what would happen if he said no.

So sure he'd been. So sure and so… cocky. So secure in the knowledge that Quatre couldn't be straight. It was just too blindingly obvious that he was gay for him to have the need to turn Trowa down…

"Idiot…" Trowa whispered harshly to himself. He should have known better. Nearly all faery were like that, he'd been told. Though he'd never seen another one, he'd been told and should have heeded that. Should have kept his feelings hidden and waited to see if the faery made a move towards him. Waited forever if need be. At least that way he'd still be able to talk to Quatre.

The meeting…

Yes, he remembered and knew he had to go. He hoped he could keep it together long enough to sort everything out. He hoped he could control the tears. If only he could do this in his panther form. Panthers didn't have the necessary glands to cry.

That would do well enough. He could go in his panther form and there was nothing anyone could say to him. He was the Pride Leader and if Wufei, Noin or even Quatre said anything, they didn't have a leg to stand on. Pantherin moved at Trowa's beck and call and the centaurs and faery would do well to remember it.

Giving a curt nod, Trowa quickly Changed and prowled off to the meeting, ready to intimidate. He wasn't all that successful on the intimidation front. The centaurs were a few times bigger than he and Quatre… Quatre still smiled gently at him with genuine pleasure, if a little hesitance.

Trowa was glad he couldn't cry for he felt the sorrow build within him for what he could never have. Quatre was so close, and yet so far away, untouchable. To feel that heartbreakingly beautiful skin beneath his hands, kiss the spun-gold hair and the petal-soft lips. To watch the soulful eyes in the throes of passion as they reached heights only lovers could reach. Oh, how long had he dreamed of it and been so certain it would all happen? How long? All gone, never to be truly had and the fantasies worth nothing, now that they could never come to pass.

"You're late," Wufei muttered darkly from his usual position, knees level with Noin's shoulders as the two of them knelt in the grass, awaiting the pantherin leader's arrival.

"Leave him alone, Wufei, for the god's sakes. He's only a little late," Quatre said softly.

He looked over to Trowa, sea-green eyes filled with guilt at what he knew he'd done to the pantherin. He really hadn't wanted to hurt Trowa, but he couldn't be what his friend had been asking.

~I'm sorry. I had matters to attend to. Tia'ara?~ Trowa thought, projecting it to all those around him.

Tia'ara appeared silently to sit beside him, in her human form and obviously confused as to why he was not in his. She said nothing, however, only nodded a little to each of the other three, then waited.

"Is there really anything that needs saying? Duo needs our help! He's been there for a long time now and who knows what conditions he's in!" Quatre cried.

The two centaurs gave him longsuffering looks and the faery suddenly wondered why it was Noin was still there. She had only been with them to talk to those… Magiks and, now that the need for that was gone, so was the need for her to be here.

"Miss Noin… Don't you want to go home anyway?" he asked softly.

She shook her head.

"You interest me."

Quatre didn't reply to that, only looked at Trowa, reverting back to the topic of Duo's peril.

~Quatre's right. There really isn't anything to talk about. If we need food, Tia'ara and I can hunt. Tia'ara knows where all the water supplies are. We don't really need any time to prepare, other than the fact that Tia'ara needs to prepare herself for the extended spell she'll be casting over herself and myself. Quatre, are you sure you can Spell both Wufei and Noin?~

The emerald eyes fixed on Quatre and the faery felt pinned under the feral gaze. He could see the questions there.

Why did you hurt me? Why did I deserve it? What did I do wrong? Why don't you love me? When will you love me? Can't you at least try? What can I do to make it better? What can I do to make you love me? Why? Why? Why? Whywhywhy?

Quatre had to drop his eyes.

"Yes, I can do it," he said simply.

~Good. Then we'll meet back here in an hour and be off. We can't have Duo waiting longer than he has to.~

They all nodded and Trowa was the first to walk away.

He found himself a quiet place where he could be alone and Changed back into his human form. Closing his eyes, he let himself cry again, torn apart by a grief stronger than he'd ever felt grief before.

* * *

Duo wasn't in the dining hall.

Heero muttered a few choice curses under his breath and stood at the door to the hall, thinking to himself and wondering where his apprentice might have gone. He stopped a serving lad and enquired softly if the boy had seen an elf in mage robes about so high with long hair.

It wasn't until the braid was mentioned that the boy nodded eagerly.

"Where did he go?" Heero demanded.

"Oh… I can't quite remember, sir…" the boy said slyly, grubby little hand held out for a reward for which he would give up the information.

Heero muttered death-threats, but placed a gold coin in the hand anyway.

"Now, where did he go?" Heero asked again, prussian eyes warning that the boy better not try for anything more out of him.

"The garden, sir, with all the flowers. He's laying in the sun. Took a fruit platter to him myself, I did."

Heero gave a curt nod and stalked off.

"Not even a thank you. I don't know…" the boy muttered to himself, and scampered back to his work.

* * *

Duo hummed softly to himself as he popped another slice of fruit into his mouth, wondering how long it would take Heero to find him. The sun was warm on his belly and his face as he lay there, wrapped in the scent of thousands of flowers, eyes happily closed.

He replayed the look on Heero's face over again in his mind and laughed yet again, unable to keep himself from it. The utter shock was just too funny to be overlooked on a man who rarely had anything upon his face but a blank look.

Duo was still giggling to himself when a tendril of thought snaked out to him and he quickly feigned anger.

~Duo…?~ Heero thought softly, still on the other side of the garden, but walking towards him.

~Oh… finally maybe, possibly, perhaps going to listen to me, eh Yuy?~ Duo spat back, flinging the thought with enough anger and sarcasm that Heero could easily read it.

~Duo, don't be like this,~ Heero replied, and it was almost an order. Not quite, but almost. Duo shook his head a little on the grass and didn't bother saying anything further until Heero's shadow fell over him.

"Why shouldn't I be, Master?" Duo sneered the last word and he could almost HEAR Heero rolling his eyes.

The mage sat down on the grass beside Duo and studied him in silence for so long, it started to unnerve the elf. He refused to open his eyes or ask what was the matter, but he shifted uncomfortably in place.

"You shouldn't be because you kissed me and we need to talk about it," Heero said eventually, when he thought Duo had waited long enough.

"I'm regretting it already. I hate you," the elf replied nonchalantly with an equally as uncaring shrug.

"Liar," Heero murmured.

"Nope. That's the plain truth. It was all a big mistake and I never want to do it again."

Heero gave a small chuckle, something Duo hardly ever heard him do, and gently took the long braid in his hands, running the end between his fingers. Duo still didn't open his eyes, but he was shifting nervously again.

"If you wanted to kiss me so badly that you got into an argument with me over it, then I don't think it was a mistake," Heero said matter-of-factly.

Duo suddenly laughed.

Heero blinked at the elf who shook with his laughter, and wondered what it was Duo found so funny. Whatever it was, it was amazingly funny, because Duo was crying with laughter. When he eventually regained himself, he finally opened his eyes and looked up at Heero.

"It doesn't… make sense!" was the only explanation he gave between gasps for breath and remnant giggles.

"What…?"

"There's no sense to it! It's ludicrous, really! Arguing with someone over kissing them! Getting angry over something that's supposed to denote caring. It's too funny!"

And Duo was gone again, rolling onto his side and clutching at his belly as the tears ran down his face and he laughed.

A chocolate colored eyebrow lifted above a prussian eye and Heero shook his head. Maybe it was slightly funny, but he didn't think it warranted quite that much laughter. He waited for the storm to pass, and it did eventually with Duo sitting up, cross-legged in front and a little way away from him.

"So, you hate me?" Heero asked.

"Yup. You obviously couldn't care less about what I think, so I hate you."

"You're a bad liar…"

"I'm not lying!"

"You are. I can tell by the way your eyes move."

Duo snorted and pushed himself to his feet, Heero taking his lead and getting to his feet also. The elf gave Heero an angry look, and stalked off through the flowers, presenting the front that he didn't want Heero to follow, which was a lie.

Heero followed.

"And you say I'm annoying…" Duo muttered as Heero walked beside him.

"I just want the truth," Heero stated.

"You're still annoying. Don't go trying to deny it because you are."

Duo yelped as a strong hand came up to take hold of his head and turn him to face Heero. The mage didn't kiss him yet, but the promise of it was there and Duo waited breathlessly, tense and excited. Heero drew him closer, until their foreheads touched and his lips were bare inches from Duo's, so close the elf could feel Heero's breath when he spoke.

"No one's ever dared to call me annoying, elf. But then, no one's ever dared to throw food in my face, either. And no one's ever dared to disobey me."

"So?" Duo tried to sound annoyed and impatient, still playing the game, but the word came out as one of breathless anticipation and Heero smirked a little.

"So… I do believe punishment is in order…" Heero purred, then closed the small gap between them and kissed Duo with a tenderness the elf had never dared to imagine.

Duo felt his walls collapsing, but he didn't want to give in. He wanted to play the game some more and avoid making things this easy for Heero.

When the mage's tongue ran lightly over Duo's lower-lip, the elf pushed away and shook his head, glaring defiantly at his Master.

"It's not going to be that easy, Yuy," he growled.

Heero only gave a predatory smile and raised one hand. Before Duo could do anything, bands of air were wrapped around his chest and waist and they gently lowered him to his back on the grass even as he struggled to break them with his own powers. Heero blocked him at every turn even as he got to his knees beside the elf and lightly ran one finger up the length of Duo's pointed ear.

"Tell me, Duo… What made you finally decide to take the step?"

"I haven't taken any steps! It was a mistake!" Duo snapped, but his voice lacked conviction and he gave a soft sigh under the gentle stroking of Heero's finger on his sensitive ear.

"Enough, Duo… I… Please, just tell me the truth."

Duo smirked suddenly up at Heero, arching a little to test his still-present bonds.

"Shiakara told me to," he said slyly, giggling.

"I'm sure," Heero replied dryly, his finger still meandering up and down the length of Duo's ear.

"Heero…?" Duo asked softly, eyes lowering and turning away from the mage's suddenly.

"Mmm…?"

"Do… Do you… love me?"

Heero blinked and his finger stopped as he tried to cope with such a question coming out of the blue. His eyes touched on Duo's face, the fine lines of his cheeks and full lips.

"What…?" was all he could eventually manage.

"Do you love me or is it the novelty… of having… an elf…?" Duo clarified, gaze still fixed on some far point off in the distance, in the opposite direction to the side on which Heero knelt.

Several different emotions flickered across the prussian blue oceans of Heero's eyes, but Duo didn't see them, turned away as he was.

Heero himself was at a loss for words, still trying to sort out the question posed into some semblance of order. He hated it when people asked such questions out of nowhere. There should be time to prepare, write notes, draft and re-draft an answer. It wasn't something he could answer off the top of his head! Yet… he saw in Duo's eyes that if he didn't give something of an answer, the elf would be lost to him forever.

"I… Duo… I… It's not fair to ask a question like that so suddenly," Heero said eventually, then immediately wished he could retract the words. They hadn't sounded how they were supposed to and it was a stupid thing to say anyway.

"Oh…" Duo said softly, his voice barely a whisper as his lids slipped shut over his violet eyes.

"Duo… I… I'm not good at… at this sort of thing… I just…" Heero ran an agitated hand through is unruly hair, wanting something to do with them. "Duo, you're beautiful… From the first time I saw you I thought so, I just wouldn't admit it to myself, wouldn't let myself have anything even like feelings for an elf… I couldn't… I didn't want to be so different as to have feelings like that for someone who wasn't human. I-"

"It always comes back to that, doesn't it?" Duo snapped, tears filling his eyes, but not allowed to spill over. "It's all you humans can ever think about is the differences!"

"Let me finish," Heero said softly, and something in his voice made Duo look up at him.

"Sorry…" the elf murmured impulsively.

Heero only shook his head.

"It was a problem, Duo. I… well, I'm different enough without something like having feelings for an elf. I tried… to distance myself, but… After… after I persuaded you to let me kiss you that second time… under… the pretence of needing to test your control… I was nearly gone. I didn't… think you'd ever…" Heero trailed off with wry smile. It was evident what he'd thought Duo would never do.

"But I… I did… So… what then?" Duo asked softly, voice shaky.

"I've never felt anything much for anyone who wasn't Milliardo… That night when he kissed me in the corridor, I thought that was heaven. But… then you kissed me, during an argument of all things and I… think it was more heavenly even than kissing Milliardo Peacecraft. I don't know what love feels, like Duo. Not really. Lust, yes…"

"Then… you only l… lust after me?" Duo asked, feeling stupid about the entire question and how it sounded.

Heero touched his cheek and met his eyes, smiling a little.

"I don't understand what it is I feel for you, but I know it isn't just lust," he said softly.

And Duo smiled.

It was the most beautiful, tender smile Heero had seen from the elf the entire time he'd been here and it made his heart sing to see it. He leaned over the bound Duo and kissed that smile, breathing in a scent made up of spring in full bloom, clean, honest earth, dancing water and singing air. A scent only Duo had and only Duo ever would have.

Unique.

The word summed up Duo Maxwell in his entirety. Heero smiled as he drew back and Duo returned it, then struggled against the air-bonds, pouting at Heero all of a sudden.

"Let me out?"

Heero smirked.

"What do I get in return?"

Duo dropped his eyes, then and looked distinctly uncomfortable. He seemed to find a spot around the area of Heero's stomach very interesting and he worried his lip between a set of perfect white teeth.

"Uh… Heero… I… Can we… take this slow? I'm still not… I still don't… I can't… I-"

Heero cut off Duo's word with a finger across his lips and merely nodded a little with a smile as he released the elf from his makeshift ropes. He understood completely what Duo was saying; the combination of Heero being human and male was a lot for Duo to cope with, especially the latter part of that equation, and the elf needed time to get to know where he stood and what was expected of him and what people's reactions would be before he proceeded any further.

Heero stood first and offered a hand, which Duo took without hesitation. Heero gave a little extra tug, pulling Duo against his chest, and dropped a light kiss on the elf's lips before letting go. Duo giggled, which was about the reaction Heero had expected.

~And about bloody time, too!~ came Shiakara's voice in both their heads. ~How long have I been trying to get you two together? Only since the moment Duo set foot inside this drafty University! Thank you very much! All hail Shiakara, the matchmaker!~

"And the more annoying being than the two of us put together," Duo muttered to Heero, who smiled his rare smile.

"I heard that, Maxwell!" Shiakara accused as she bounded out of a bush and pounced the elf to the ground, playfully wrestling with him.

"How - ack! - long have you been - eew! - watching - don't do that! - us for?" Duo cried whilst trying to fend off her exuberant kisses and playful wrestling attacks.

"Long enough!" she replied, then lapsed into a fit of manic laughter whilst bounding off Duo and leaping around in circles, feathers flying everywhere.

Heero sighed and lifted his eyes heavenward as though asking for strength.

"Comic relief?" Duo suggested as he watched Shiakara attack a bush.

"Breaking the tension we already broke? I don't think so," Heero muttered.

Duo only laughed and leapt into the fray. Heero was unsure if his two underlings or the bush were winning the battle…

* * *

Treize stood at the window, gloved hands resting on the sill and most of his weight on his arms as he breathed deeply and tried to keep himself from killing the little creature at his feet.

"Sorry they are, Mr. Khushrenada! Punish them will you? Punish us will you?" it murmured fearfully.

"No punishment today… I just hope things have progressed far enough in the elf's training to - wait! Bring me the mage."

"Many mages there are here, Mr. Khushrenada…"

"Bring me Milliardo Peacecraft," Treize ground out through his teeth, fingers tightening on the stone that made up the windowsill.

The creature bowed and scurried off, then came scurrying back mere minutes later looking very flustered and somewhat fried, magically speaking of course.

"What now?"

"Uh… Told me to give you a message Mr. Peacecraft did…"

"Are you going to give it to me or am I going to have to choke it out of you?" Treize growled lowly, focusing all his attention on the roses outside and using their caressing fragrance to calm himself a little.

"Told me to tell you to go to him Mr. Peacecraft did. Your slave he is not Mr. Peacecraft said."

"Where is he, then?"

"Heated water for his bath not long ago I did. In the bath house he is, Mr. Khushrenada."

Treize turned with a whisper of fabric against stone and stalked out of the room, kicking the little creature thoughtlessly aside. Servants and mages alike scattered to the side as they saw him coming and saw the rage in his eyes.

Milliardo only looked up at him through heavy-lidded eyes, not even making a move as he burst into the bathhouse.

"Yes?" he asked smoothly, one leg crossed over the other under the water to just hide what he knew Treize would look for if he got the chance.

"Have you forgotten your sister?" Treize murmured silkily, head tilted to one side in question.

"No, but I didn't think it would kill you to walk a little. What do you want?"

Treize's hand balled into a fist, but he said nothing, only what he wanted from the mage.

"A Seeing. As soon as you're done with your bath. Some things have changed and I want to know what their effect will be."

That said, Treize turned on his heel and stalked out again.

Milliardo grinned, quite pleased with his little victory, and relaxed into the water again, idly running his long fingers through his white hair. As the water shifted his hair across a little, a small tattoo of a simplified angel stood out from his alabaster skin, easily noticed before his hair fell back into place again.

~ ~ ~

Author's notes: As for Milliardo's tattoo, there isn't really a reason for it. I've just been reading too many Kracken fics about Heero and tattoos… *drools* Read Kracken's fics! They're brilliant! ^_^ Oh, another note. About Trowa and panthers not being able to cry - I don't know if that's true or not. I don't know if panthers do or don't have the glands needed to cry actual tears, but it suited my plot so I put it in. I'm not the type to research for my writing. I just write what I think sounds good. *giggles* Oh yeah! And in case you're wondering why Treize's little pets call him "Mr. Khushrenada" more often than they call him "Master" it's because I just love the way Treize's last name sound. Just rolls off your tongue. Go on, say it Khushrenada! *giggles again*