Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Fellowship of the Gundam ❯ We're Off Again ( Chapter 1 )

This story is number nine in my Gundam Wing adventure series. The previous stories are, in chronological order: Gundam Wing and the Knights of the Round Table; Gundam Wing and the Quest for the Holy Grail; The Magicians of Gundam Wing; Gundam Wing and the Men of Sherwood Forest; Gundam Wing and the Gods of Thunder; Gundam Wing on Mount Olympus, Gundam Wing in the Wild, Wild West and Gundam Wing goes to Hogwarts. If you read this story without reading the others first, it might not make a lot of sense. But hey, jumping in cold turkey might be fun!

Disclaimer: This is an original work of fiction, but the characters of Heero Yuy, Duo Maxwell, Wu-Fei Chang, Trowa Barton, Quatre Reberba Winner, Zechs Merquise and Treize Kushranada are borrowed from Gundam Wing AC by Hajime Yatate and Yoshiyuki Tomino and produced by Sunrise. Roku, on the other hand, is totally my creation, as are Alexa, Hadeya and Jett. Other Gundam Wing characters, like Sally Po and Lucretzia Noin, who might appear or be mentioned are also borrowed from Gundam Wing by Yatate-sama and Tomino-sama. Everyone else is made up by me, the author.

Additional Disclaimer: All the characters from The Lord of the Rings were created by J.R.R. Tolkien and produced by various publishers.

Warnings: This is a comedy, but you'll have to watch out for implied yaoi, not-so-implied yaoi, sexual innuendo, adult situations, occasional swearing, a general lack of respect for “decent” behavior and a noticeable tendency toward mayhem and destruction.

Addendum: This is my second cross-over with the boys and, after the rollicking success of the first one, I think this one should be pretty fun. Of course, this will be a three-part cross-over, of which this is the first, to match the novels.

I was just thinking: When I was young, I used to think naked guys looked kind of funny. Now that I'm older, I've realized that I was just looking at the wrong naked guys.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Chapter 1: We're Off Again

“Treize,” Zechs said with exaggerated patience, “do you mind not sticking your hands down my pants while we're in public?”

“We're not in public.” Treize indicated the grape vines stretching in all directions. “No one's here.”

“So you've forgotten about the observation cameras mounted in the dome.”

“If someone wants to go to all the trouble to zoom in on us, they're welcome to watch.” Treize nuzzled Zechs' neck. “Besides, I hardly got to touch you at all last night. Why did you have to give Alexa such an interesting book to read right before bedtime?”

“I didn't expect her to start reading it right then! And anyway, it's not my fault she kept barging in to read us interesting passages.” Zechs smiled. “Personally, I am rather proud of how well she reads.”

“So am I, but I really wanted you last night.”

“Well, you certainly don't get to have me right here.” Zechs pulled Treize's hands out of his trousers. “So quit fondling me.”

“Dang it!” Treize pouted.

“Hey guys!” Duo drove carefully between the vines in a small electric cart with a small trailer bouncing along behind. “Since Treize isn't getting any, you want a lift back to the winery?”

“Would you quit eavesdropping on our private conversations?” Zechs complained.

“I wasn't!” Duo protested. “It's just you're the only people nearby so it's kind of hard to avoid your thoughts.” He lifted his eyebrows at Treize. “Yours are pretty graphic.”

“Behave.” Treize nodded at the cart. “How do you expect to get us both back in that?”

“One of you can ride in the trailer.”

Zechs immediately plopped into the other seat in the little cart. He blinked innocently at Treize.

“Great,” Treize muttered. He climbed into the trailer with his ankles crossed and his elbows resting on his knees. “Watch the corners.”

“Right.” Duo engaged the engine and they trundled off. At the end of the row, a narrow paved road divided the rows of vines. Duo made a careful right turn and picked up speed. “There were some people picnicking in the park by the winery earlier, but they left a little while ago.”

“Tourists or locals?” Treize asked eagerly.

“Locals, I think.”

“Too bad. We need tourists to come out for wine tastings to establish our brand name with Earth-based connoisseurs.”

“You really think our wine is that good?”

“Yes!” Treize warmed to his subject. “Most of the grape stocks on Earth have been cross-bred multiple times. Many of the ancient stocks were lost to disease and growers had to cross-breed what was left in order to strengthen them. The vines we brought back with us from our foray into the past are original stock. The flavors we get in our wines haven't been tasted for hundreds of years.” He rubbed his hands gleefully. “I fully intend to make Mars the wine capital of the Solar System.”

They pulled up in front of the winery to find Heero waiting for them.

“Hey, Heero!” Duo greeted him cheerfully. “What's up?”

“Nothing.” Heero crossed his arms with a scowl. “Treize asked me to come out.”

“Indeed I did.” Treize climbed out of the trailer. “Can you ask your sprites to check for parasites on the vines and remove them? Mars is a closed ecosystem, so any pathogens introduced from off-planet could be fatal.”

“So don't allow off-worlders into the dome,” Heero said.

“But alas, that's the only way to drum up business.”

Heero wrinkled his nose. “Very well.” He looked around and almost immediately, a little green head popped up from behind the trailer. “You! Do you understand what Treize is talking about?”

The sprite nodded. “The tall man doesn't want life-stealing creatures on his plants.”

“Yeah. So go do it. Make sure you check all the plants.”

The little creature grinned. “Yes, Man with Many Faces!” It disappeared with a giggle.

“Why do they still call you that?” Duo wondered idly. “You haven't used your armband in a long time.”

“What good would it do? Either Roku sniffs me out or the sprites just cancel it out.”

“And Relena hasn't found a good excuse to come to Mars yet, anyway.”

“Don't mention that name.”

“But wouldn't you like to introduce her to Hadeya?”

“That's not funny.”

“But that face you're making is.”

“I'm gonna smack you.”

“Enough foreplay, Duo,” Zechs said. “It's time to go home.”

Duo just grinned.

Back in their own dome, they found Alexa sitting on the front step of the Gundam pilots' house, her electronic book-reader balanced on her knees.

“Still reading that book, Alexa?” Treize chuckled.

“It's really good!” Alexa said. “I'm almost finished.”

“I just gave it to you yesterday!” Zechs exclaimed. His eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Were you reading during class?”

Alexa blinked sheepishly. “Not all the time.”

Zechs sighed. “Do I need to remind you that I had to spend half-an-hour last month explaining to your teacher how wonderful it is that you love reading, and that I'm sure you are paying attention in class when it's appropriate?”

“I wouldn't read in class if she wasn't so boring,” Alexa groused. “Uncle Wu-Fei is a better teacher.”

Zechs scrubbed a hand over his face. “I'm not having this conversation about you not attending the local school again, Alexa.”

“Jett doesn't have to go.”

“Jett blew out all the windows of her pre-school!”

“So?”

“So the elementary school begged us not to enroll her!”

“We get a tax refund for that,” Duo pointed out helpfully.

Zechs glared at him. “You only have one more year in the elementary school, Alexa, and then you can go to the high school in the main dome. So please stop reading in class.”

“Ok.” Alexa stuck her lower lip out in an adorable little pout.

Treize promptly picked her up and kissed her cheek. “Want to help me make dinner? You can mash up the garlic.”

“Yay!”

“Later, guys.” Treize carried Alexa off toward their house. Zechs followed, shaking his head.

Duo and Heero entered their home. Trowa and Quatre were in the kitchen making dinner.

“Where is everyone?” Duo inquired.

“Wu-Fei went to the store with Jett to get some more oil. He started shedding again,” Quatre replied. “Roku and Hadeya aren't back from university yet.”

“Wu-Fei's shedding again?” Duo scratched his head sympathetically. “But we haven't traveled anywhere for nearly a year!”

“Gift did say new dragons tend to shed about once a year,” Trowa reminded him.

“But Wu-Fei's been part dragon for years now. You'd think he'd be out of the adolescent phase.”

“Who are you calling an adolescent?” Wu-Fei grumbled as he came in the door, holding a small bag in one hand and Jett's hand with the other. “I think that stupid dragon just lied about the shedding so I wouldn't hack his stupid dragon head off!”

“A little touchy, isn't he?” Duo whispered to Heero.

“I'm not touchy!” Wu-Fei snapped.

Jett rolled her eyes and nodded vigorously.

“Would you like me to oil your scales, Wu-Fei?” Duo offered. “A soothing bath in oiled water is what you need. Then we'll scratch those wretched scales right off. How does that sound?”

Wu-Fei stuck his lower lip out, looking a lot like Alexa. “That might be ok.”

Duo took his hand. “Come on. I'll take care of you. Poor fellow.”

“It's just really itchy,” Wu-Fei explained plaintively as Duo led him off down the hall.

Heero crossed his arms. “Isn't it a bit late for Roku and Hadeya to not be back yet? Maybe I should go look for them.”

“They're in the train,” Jett reported casually. She climbed onto a stool to watch Quatre cook.

“I'm sure they'll be here soon,” Trowa said. “Why don't you set the table, Heero?”

Heero made a face, but he went to get plates out of the cupboard anyway.

They were just putting the food on the table when Hadeya and Roku came in.

“Perfect timing!” Roku said. He hurried to the table. “I'm starving.”

“Hadeya, would you get Duo and Wu-Fei?” Quatre asked. “They're in the bathroom oiling Wu-Fei's scales.”

“Umm…” Hadeya hesitated. “Don't they usually end up, well, being naughty when they do that?”

“Well if they are, you can just interrupt them,” Quatre snorted. “I didn't make all this food so it can go to waste.”

Jett and Roku eyed the table. “That's not a lot of food, Mama,” Roku said. “Didn't you make extra for me and Jett?”

“Yeah, I'm really hungry, too,” Jett added.

“There's plenty of food!” Quatre exclaimed loudly.

Trowa leaned toward the kids. “There's more on the stove,” he murmured.

Hadeya returned with Duo and Wu-Fei. Wu-Fei looked very relaxed.

“They were just scratching,” Hadeya said.

“It felt great,” Wu-Fei purred.

Duo patted his arm. “We'll do more later.”

Everyone sat down to eat. After tucking away a significant quantity of mashed potatoes, steamed vegetables, and several slices of roast, Roku smiled at Quatre.

“Mama, is it alright if I teach a class at the university?”

“What?!” Quatre spewed mashed potatoes across the table.

“Professor Muldaur is retiring and he recommended me to teach his medieval history class. He says I know more about it than he does.”

“That's probably true,” Duo muttered.

“You're twelve!” Quatre exclaimed.

“Well, he's technically more like six,” Trowa pointed out.

“Like that makes it any better?!” Quatre glared at Trowa briefly before looking back at Roku. “What about your studies? Is he unaware that you're a student there?”

“Well… About that…” Roku looked sheepish. “They're kind of pushing me to graduate because you remember when I took all those tests earlier this year because they sounded kind of fun? Well, apparently I passed them all with really high marks that were pretty much the highest marks anyone has ever gotten and it turns out that those tests covered pretty much every subject the university feels you need to know in order to get a basic degree, and since I also took specialty tests in languages, engineering, the sciences and history, they said they should probably just give me degrees in all those subjects and make me leave. But I kind of like going there, so can I teach a class or two instead?”

Quatre put a hand over his face. “You've already learned everything?”

“Probably not everything,” Roku said quite reasonably.

“But close enough that they've asked a twelve year old to teach a class.”

“They don't want to have to try to get someone to relocate from Earth or one of the colonies,” Roku explained. “It's expensive.”

“Well that certainly makes it sound so much more reasonable,” Quatre muttered sarcastically.

“I think it's cool,” Duo said. “Roku is really smart and he did a good job tutoring those students in Wu-Fei's class at Hogwarts.”

“What's true,” Wu-Fei said. He beamed proudly at Roku. “Roku was my best student and I am sure he would make an excellent instructor.”

“Can I be in Roku's class?” Jett piped up.

“Not yet, sweetie,” Duo said. “You're still in elementary school.”

“But I don't go to the local school,” Jett said with a pout. “Why can't I go to Roku's school?”

“You can go when you're older,” Heero cut in. He gave Jett a stern look. “You have to finish studying with Papa Wu-Fei first. If you hadn't caused trouble at pre-school, you could be going to school with Alexa right now.”

“It wasn't my fault!” Jett protested. “That stupid boy bit me!”

“Shrieking the windows out was an overreaction.”

“But they told me I couldn't bite or hit back,” Jett complained. “So I screamed him over. I didn't know the windows would break.” She made a face. “They shouldn't make windows out of glass in buildings where little kids play.”

“She has a good point,” Trowa said.

“Don't encourage her,” Heero replied.

“Anyway,” Roku continued, “it wouldn't be until the start of the next term. So is that ok?”

“Oh, why not?” Quatre waved a hand. “What's wrong with having my pre-teen child teaching classes at university?”

Roku grinned. “Thanks, Mama.”

Alexa burst in the front door with only the scantest of what might be considered a knock preceding her. “Guess what? Daddy says he thinks we should go on vacation! Can we, Uncle Quatre? Can we?”

Quatre blinked at Treize. “I thought you said the vineyard was reaching a critical stage in its development.”

“It is,” Treize said, “but it's not like we're ever gone for long, locally speaking.”

“The end of the school year is coming up,” Trowa noted.

“And Wu-Fei's already shedding,” Heero remarked, “so it's not like his hormone balance could get any more screwed up.”

“It's not hormones!”

“It is Alexa's turn to pick the vacation,” Roku reminded everyone.

“Very well,” Quatre folded his napkin and set it aside. “Where would you like to go, if we did go somewhere?”

“Here!” Alexa held out her book-reader. “Mommy gave me this really great book, only it's three books that make up one story, plus a whole other book that's like a prequel! It's really good and I really like it and I really, really want to go there and see it!”

Quatre smiled. “And it's called…”

“Oh!” Alexa giggled. “The Lord of the Rings.”

“Oh, I know that book!” Roku exclaimed. “It is really good. I'd like to go there, too.”

“I've heard of it,” Wu-Fei said. “It's quite an old text, but was considered a literary masterpiece at the time.” He scratched unconsciously. “A trip there might be quite educational.”

“And dangerous?” Heero asked hopefully.

“Oh yes!” Alexa nodded vigorously. “There's sword fighting and monsters and all kinds of chances to get killed.”

Heero perked up. “That sounds pretty good.”

Zechs shook his head. “I wish you had stopped at educational.”

“Travel into another book, eh?” Quatre rubbed his chin. “It did work out rather well the last time. But I think it will be mentally better for all of us if we plan to be gone for a few weeks rather than just overnight. So we probably shouldn't go until after school is out. Treize, that will give you time to train somebody to manage the vineyard in your absence.”

“I was just planning to use sprites.”

“What?!” Heero jumped to his feet.

“They're nature spirits, aren't they? They like looking after things and they'll do whatever Heero says, for the most part. I bet they would be glad to manage the vineyard for us for a couple of weeks.”

“It would keep them out of trouble,” Trowa said. “There has been an upswing in mechanical problems lately. They're probably bored.”

“And the rest of the maintenance is automatic,” Treize concluded. “The grapes won't be ready for picking for weeks yet. I've got time.”

“So now the truth comes out,” Duo chuckled. “Treize is bored.”

“Why can't he just screw Zechs when he's bored like a normal person?” Wu-Fei demanded. “I'm not sure I want to make a reality-zone change. It's worse than a time-zone change.”

“Daddy screws Mommy all the time,” Alexa said. “I want to go on vacation!”

“Alexa!” Zechs blushed furiously. “That is not a ladylike thing to say!”

“It's the truth!”

“I think we should be able to go on a vacation,” Quatre interrupted. “Let's plan it for right after the end of the school term.”

“Yay!” Alexa jumped up and down and clapped her hands, dropping her book-reader in the process.

Treize retrieved it from the floor. “Someone better be sure not to read in class, however,” he said.

Alexa stopped in mid-jump and grinned. “Right!”

“I'll talk to Noin,” Zechs said, attempting to recover some composure. “I'm sure she won't mind, since it's been quite a while since our last vacation.”

“I think I'd better have a look at this book,” Quatre said. “I'll need to have a pretty good idea of where we're going when I cast the spell.” He smiled at Alexa. “But you'll have to decide where you want to jump in. Do you want to start right from the beginning?”

“No, the beginning skips a bunch of years and I don't want to hang around for that,” Alexa replied. “And there's this really creepy guy named Tom that the Hobbits run into in the woods right after they set out that I think I'd rather not meet. So we can jump in right after that.”

“Alright.” Quatre stood up. “That's it, then. We're going on vacation at the end of term. Everyone start planning appropriately so that we have coverage at work. And Wu-Fei, make sure you shove lots of jars of oil and a few extra bottles of allergies pills into Roku's storage space.”

Wu-Fei sneezed, setting his napkin on fire. “Do I have to go?”

“Yes.” Quatre casually poured water over Wu-Fei's flaming napkin. “It sounds like this will be a really long vacation and Jett does not get to skip out on that much class time. She needs her instructor.”

“Oh, fine!”

So a few weeks later in the late afternoon, the gang was all packed up and doing their last minute inventory, with Sally and Noin watching.

“This isn't going to be dangerous, is it?” Noin demanded. “I thought you guys were finally settling down.”

“We are settled down, Noin,” Zechs said. “We're just going on a little vacation, that's all.”

“But you haven't said where.”

“Oh, uh, it's just a quick jaunt into, um, medieval times. It's research for Roku's new course at the university,” Zechs finished brightly.

Noin scowled at him. “You're lying.”

“No, I'm not.”

She pointed at the sword on his hip. “Then why do you need swords?”

“It's medieval times. Swords were commonplace and denoted a person of breeding.”

Noin flung up her hands.

“You worry too much, Noin,” Sally chuckled. “You know they wouldn't take their children anyplace dangerous.” She smiled at Zechs. “Would you?”

“Of course not,” Zechs replied with his most beautiful smile.

Noin pointed accusingly. “That's the smile I don't trust!”

Sally breathed a dreamy sigh. “But it is beautiful, isn't it? I really must say I don't mind being lied to so prettily.”

Zechs kissed her cheek. “You're sweet, Sally. Look after things while we're gone.”

“As always.”

“Are we ready?” Quatre said. He looked around, counting everybody. “Roku, do you have everybody's things?”

“Yes, Mama.”

“Ok. Sally, Noin, you should step outside.” As soon as the two women were outside the door, Quatre took out his spell book. “Alright. We're joining the Lord of the Rings in progress where the Hobbits are lost on the Barrow Downs. Just to be safe, everyone hold onto each other. Here we go.” He opened the book and read the spell from the page. It was a long spell. When he finished reading, the world shifted and went dark. Well, not completely dark: sort of a soft and muted dark, like a really heavy fog on an overcast evening.

“Man, it's wet!” Duo complained.

“It's foggy,” Wu-Fei amended and then sneezed mightily, shooting a thin jet of bright yellow fire past Duo's ear.

“Hey!”

“Sorry. The wet makes my nose itch.”

“Is everyone here?” Quatre said. “I can't see everyone. Sound off.” One by one, everyone spoke up. “Good, we all made it. Stay close together.”

Wu-Fei sneezed again and Hadeya yelped.

“Quatre, can't you do anything about this fog?” Trowa asked. “Wu-Fei's going to fry us all at this rate.”

“I'm sorry!” Wu-Fei rubbed his nose. “I can't help it!”

“No one's blaming you, Fei,” Duo said soothingly.

“It's getting really cold, Mommy,” Alexa said. She huddled against Zechs' leg. Jett was clinging to Duo, despite the possibility of getting singed by one of Wu-Fei's sneezes.

“I think the wind is picking up as well,” Treize said.

“Why do we always get dropped into the middle of shitty weather?” Heero grumbled.

The cold breeze whipped around them, but did nothing to dissipate the dense fog.

“I hear something!” Roku said. “It sounded like someone crying for help.”

Quatre held up his hand and produced a big ball of brilliant white light, pushing back the darkness and making everyone visible. “Lead the way, Roku!”

Roku slipped into tiger form and raced off. Zechs scooped up Alexa and Duo grabbed Jett, and everyone dashed after Roku. A frightened cry echoed from somewhere ahead of them.

Roku looked over his shoulder. “Hurry! They're moving away from us!” He picked up speed, bounding over the ground in giants leaps. But each time his paws hit the ground, they left pools of glowing light.

“Clever boy!” Quatre cried. “He's leaving a trail!”

They raced along the trail of glowing paw prints until they caught up with Roku standing in front of a stone doorway leading into the side of a hill, his tail completely bristled out and his ears down. Heero and Wu-Fei came up on either side of him, their swords drawn.

“What is it, Roku?” Heero said, all business now that there might be something to fight.

“It smells dead, but not all dead.” He snuffed air out of his nose. “I don't like it. It's not a clean dead smell like something just killed, or a rotting dead smell like something killed a while ago, or a moldy dead smell like something buried for a long time that just got dug up, or the dusty dead smell of something that's just bones and hair.” He sniffed again. “But there are live people in there, too. Four of them.”

“Ok.” Heero glanced at Wu-Fei. “Let's go make this not-all-dead thing completely dead, shall we?”

Wu-Fei nodded sharply. “My thought exactly.”

They charged through the doorway. Roku galloped in after them.

“We'd better stay out here,” Duo said to Zechs. Jett was clinging to his neck with round eyes. “It reminds me of the cave full of ghouls we ran into when we were on the quest for the Holy Grail.”

“Would that be the cave where you nearly got my baby killed?” Quatre asked pointedly.

Duo flinched. “I had him protected every second!”

Trowa looked up at the unseen sky. “What about the weather, Quatre? Can you fix it? This wind is really cutting through the girls cloaks.”

“Yes, yes!” Quatre waved a hand irritably at the sky. Almost immediately, the wind slowed to a fitful breeze, tearing the fog to shreds and revealing a sky full of stars. “Trowa, why don't you and Treize give Heero and Wu-Fei a hand? I'm sure they've killed everything that needs killing by now, but they might need help with the living.”

“Right.” Trowa and Treize trotted into the hill. Inside, at the end of a narrow tunnel, a sickly blue light illuminated the interior of the barrow. Four small bodies dressed in white robes were laid out side by side. Roku stood over them, snarling fiercely at a thin, bony, half-seen figure that Heero and Wu-Fei had backed into a corner.

“You haven't killed it yet,” Treize remarked.

“Well, it's already dead, so stabbing it isn't having much effect,” Heero snapped.

“So hack it to bits.”

“We tried that. It just reassembles itself. It's really annoying.”

“Well, hack it to bits again and we'll help you carry the Hobbits outside.”

“Stupid thing!” Heero raised his sword and hacked off the creature's skull. It bounced off the wall and rolled into another corner. Then he methodically hacked the arms off the still standing torso before kicking it over and hacking off the legs. “There. That will hold it for a few minutes. Let's get them out of here.”

They each grabbed one of the small Hobbit bodies and jogged back out of the barrow, with Roku bringing up the rear.

“We should get away from here before we tend them,” Zechs suggested.

“I agree,” said Quatre. “Roku, find us someplace well away from all these barrows.”

Roku led them across the downs until they came to a large hill. He trotted up to the top. “There are no barrows near here.”

“Good.” Quatre held his hand over the ground and made a fire. It burned merrily, shedding lots of heat and brightening the area.

“That's nice,” Duo said. He put Jett down next to the fire. “The cold was really starting to bug me.”

“I still find the lack of fuel disconcerting,” Treize admitted. “But the heat is definitely welcome.” He settled his little burden by the fire. “Are these really adult creatures? They're very small.”

“Yes!” Alexa said, brimming with enthusiasm. “They're all grown-ups.” She leaned over one of the Hobbits. “I hope they're ok.”

“They should wake up in the morning,” Quatre said. “I think they're under a spell. Better to let them sleep it off. Why don't we just camp here? The sooner we get into the local time zone, the better. We can make some food and go to sleep.”

“Food sounds good,” Duo said. “I'll cook. Roku, let's see what comestibles you've got tucked away.”