Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Lover After Me ❯ Chapter 1

The Lover After Me - songfic by Yugure, song by Savage Garden

Here I go again I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today

How long has it been? How long?

It's been seven months and counting

You've moved on

I still feel exactly the same

That's right. Seven months. And every day hurt worse than the last.

Duo zipped up his black jacket and ducked his head as he walked down the street. The black clouds overhead rumbled gently with thunder, promising more torrential rain. The air was thick and muggy. Duo breathed in deeply, then let out a leaden sigh. In a way, he didn't mind the wet, earthy smell that always accompanied the rain. In a way, it reminded him of all the other times on Earth. Joyful times, when the gang still kept in touch and got together every now and then.

'It's been so long,' Duo thought. He picked up his pace and hurried to the place he temporarily called home. Of course, it would never be "home" to him. He didn't have a home. Duo was a drifter. He didn't stay in one place too long. Especially since…

'…since Heero left,' Duo thought dejectedly. He scowled at the ground as he slogged through a muddy puddle. With a particularly obnoxious peal of thunder, it began raining. 'Kuso. Just my luck." As if fate wasn't cruel enough, a car zoomed by, creating a rooster tail that left Duo nearly soaked to the bone.

"DAMMIT IT ALL TO HELL!!" he cursed. Grumbling, he took refuge under a building's canopy. The bench positioned there wasn't too wet, so Duo sank down onto the green wooden planks. For a moment, Duo felt content to simply sit there, but by another cruel twist of fate he happened to notice the building he was currently using as shelter.

'This is where Heero and I first…' the thought trailed off in the former Gundam pilot's brain. He couldn't finish that line of thought for fear of releasing the tide of emotions he had carefully tucked away.

Duo got up and ran. He didn't care where. He just ran.

It's just that everywhere I go all the buildings know your name

Like photographs and memories of love

Steel and granite remindersThe city calls your name and I can't move on

'I thought I was gonna be okay,' Duo thought. 'I thought it wouldn't bother me anymore. I thought I could handle it…'

But deep down, he knew he couldn't. The only one he'd ever truly cared for was gone. Not dead, per se, but unavailable. Preoccupied with that stuck-up, spoiled brat Relena.

Okay, that was unfair. Yes, Relena was a pain in the neck. Most of the time, anyway. But even she had her good points. And it wasn't going to do Duo a bit of good to complain about her.

Because she was one-up on him.

She had Heero.

Ever since you've been gone

The lights go out the same

The only difference is

You call another name

To your love

To your lover now

To your love

The lover after me

Duo just couldn't understand it. Why did Heero leave? Why for Relena, of all people?! But in all honesty, Duo knew how Heero felt about that Peacecraft. He'd seen it in Heero's eyes; heard it in the way he talked; even felt it in his touch. That constant holding back. Never giving himself completely, as if thinking of someone else.

Duo wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. So he did both.

Am I all alone in the universe?

There's no love on these streets

I have given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway

So this is my new freedom

It's funny

I don't remember being chained

But nothing seems to make sense anymore

His mad dash became slow and heavy footfalls, and finally he stopped moving. Rain poured down on his head, mingling with the few tears on his face. Duo's chestnut hair hung limply around his shoulders and tendrils clung to his cheeks.

'What the hell is wrong with me?' he thought. 'Why can't I move on? It's so damn obvious he doesn't care at all for me. Not in the same way I do for him. Heero, you bastard, you stole the only thing that really mattered and gave me nothing in return.'

Duo watched as a young couple emerged from a building, snuggled together under a large umbrella. The young woman's voice was a semblance of wind chimes, and every time she laughed her partner replied in kind. Duo sneered at the couple and continued his disenchanted trudge through the rain.

'My love. You stole my love.'

Ever since you've been gone

The lights go out the same

The only difference is

You call another name

To your love

To your lover now

To your love

The lover after me

'I wonder if they're happy together,' Duo thought as he turned a corner and found himself facing a park. 'I wonder if they even think of me anymore. I wonder if he ever feels any regrets. I wonder is she feels triumphant. I wonder… I wonder…'

The park was dark and gloomy. The trees obscured any sunlight that managed to break through the clouds, and the ground was muddy as h*ll. The city ended here, and the forest began. Duo didn't even stop to think as he took the darkest path and disappeared into the evening shadows.

And time goes by so slowly

The nights are cold and lonely

I shouldn't be holding on

But I'm still holding on for you

As if fate wasn't cruel enough; as if life really WAS sadistic and out to spite everyone; as if destiny enjoyed inflicting pain on others; Duo didn't realize, until too late, that the path he was on led directly towards a mansion in the middle of the forest. It was just out of town but close enough that anyone living there could easily get to the city. It was a perfect escape for diplomats and politicians…

… ambassadors and pacifists…

… Relena and her entourage of flunkies, butlers, and one newly acquired boyfriend…

Duo stopped in his tracks, as if running into an invisible wall. The mansion sprawled before him, looming in the stormy mist. Lights inside were ablaze and they lit up the windows from every level. Duo cursed his subconscious into bringing him here. He didn't really want to be here. Really. He wanted to move on, he wanted to escape his past…

So why didn't he?

Here I go again

I promised myself

I wouldn't think of you today

But I'm standing at your doorway

I'm calling out your name because I can't move on

"Heero," Duo whispered. Without willing it, he walked up the long driveway and approached the front doors of the mansion. Rain continued to pull hair loose from the sopping-wet braid hanging down Duo's back. He knew he looked like a mess, but he didn't really care at the moment.

Duo's fingers trembled over the doorbell. It wouldn't hurt to just say hello, would it? Just to see them both warm and safe and happy? Just to see Heero for one last time?

The fingertips rested on the doorbell but they didn't apply any pressure. He couldn't bring himself to do it. He wasn't sure if seeing them together was worth the pain.

So he stepped back. Away from the door. And watched as, one by one, the lights in the house went out.

Ever since you've been gone

The lights go out the same

The only difference is

You call another name

To your love

To your lover now

To your love

The lover after me

"Goodbye, Heero."