Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Meaning Of Alone ❯ Chapter 1 ( Chapter 1 )

Title: The Meaning Of Alone Chapter 1
Author: Lily Rose
Warnings(this chapter): Yaoi (M/M), angst, language, NCS, basterdized Heero, Duo torture, violence, possible OCC (not unreasonable)
Notes: at the end




*Duo’s POV*


Duo walked past the bouncer into the noisy, smoky atmosphere. He walked up to the bar and plopped down on a stool. He called the bartender over and ordered a beer. Always a good idea to start out slow. The guy sitting next to him said, “Hey cutie, can I get you a drink?”

Duo looked over the man, assessing him. He had shoulder length, curly, black hair and dark piercing eyes. He was of about medium build, a little bigger than Duo. Not too big, not too small. Duo smiled. “Actually, I just ordered one, but you’re free to buy the next one.”

The man smiled back. “Great.”


*Heero’s POV*


Duo, now immersed in conversation with the man at the bar, didn’t notice when Heero walked in and sat at a table which was right in the line of sight of the bar.

Heero always followed Duo when he went to the bars, for his protection. Duo had a habit of getting into trouble and Heero had made it his personal ongoing mission to make sure he was there to get Duo out of it. Heero would never admit it, not even to himself, that he cared about Duo’s safety not because he was the pilot of the Deathsythe and important to the peace of the world, but because he actually cared about Duo Maxwell himself. He hid his feelings well. No one would suspect a thing. The other pilots thought that Heero saw Duo as an annoyance. It was no wonder with the way that he treated the other pilot. He was constantly yelling at Duo, always chewing him out calling him lazy, stupid, a slob, careless, a terrible pilot, and a danger to their missions. But that was in front of the others. When they were alone it was much worse.

Every time that Heero had to pull Duo out of a bar or drag him out of a hotel room he would call him a drunk, a slut, and a whore. He would tell him that no one wants him, they only want his pretty little face and his pretty little ass. He would tell him how disgraceful he was as he washed puke and strange mens cum from Duo’s hair in motel room bathtubs. He would call him useless as he paid the bartender the tab and help Duo stumble back to the safe house and sneak him in so no one would see him in such a state.

He knew he was hurting Duo. The usually talkative pilot would just avert his gaze and stay silent. He never argued or protested. Just silently took the abuse and accepted the help that was offered. But Heero would always catch the braided pilots gaze at some point and when he saw the pain and anguish that he caused and spread he would become so angry with himself that he would lash out at Duo again with a fresh string of insults and curses.

But Duo never cried, not if he thought Heero was looking. He didn’t know that Heero listened to him sobbing quietly in bed every night. He didn’t know that Heero fought to control his emotions every time he heard Duo pouring out his emotions into his pillow. Or how close Heero came on so many occasions to giving in.

Heero wanted so badly to hold Duo in his arms and tell him everything that he said was a lie. He wanted to tell Duo that he was beautiful and so full of life. He wanted to tell him that everyone wanted him and that if they didn’t it wouldn’t matter because he wanted him. Any one would be lucky to have him. But he never said these things. He locked it up tight and pushed it to the back of his mind. If he ever felt things starting to stir, if emotions started to push forward, he turned it into hate. That is why he lashed out at Duo.

Heero ordered several drinks as he mulled over this information again and again. He gazed absently at the bar every now and then to make sure that Duo was still there. The last time that he looked he saw Duo take the man by his hand and lead him to the exit. Heero decided to give them a few minutes and finish his drink before following. He was pretty sure he knew where they were headed and he hated walking in on Duo when he was with a guy. It just tore him up inside.


*Duo’s POV*


Duo giggled as he finished his fifth drink. After the second beer he switched to Jack and Coke, all of it paid for by the man next to him at the bar. All he had really learned about the man, other than his drink preferences, was his name. Kaji. As Duo ordered another Jack and Coke he turned his head and noticed Heero sitting at a table not too far away. He wasn’t looking towards the bar, rather he was looking into the glass in his hand. Possibly thinking, possibly just staring, but Duo didn’t think that Heero was the type to just stare. The stern expression on his face was just as unreadable as ever. Guess he’s here to be my guardian angel again.

Duo turned back to Kaji. “Hey, after this drink you wanna get out of here?”

Kaji smiled. “Sure, cutie. Anything for you.”

Duo nodded and sipped at his drink. He didn’t want to down it too fast. It would be nice if he could walk ou of the bar tonight instead of stumble out. One less thing for Heero to yell at him about. Why did Heero have to be such an asshole! It’s not even the insults of anything like that. It was the fact that it was coming from Heero. Had anyone else said those things to him, those horribly cruel things, he would have knocked them out and gutted them like a fish, but from Heero… When Heero said it, he took it. He not only took it, he believed it. He believed every word and it was eating away at him. The thing that really got to him was that it Heero obviously hated him so much why did he always help him and then cover everything up for him so the other guys wouldn’t know. He figured that Heero kept him out of the dangerous situations so that he would be a one hundred percent when a mission came around. But why help him hide his shame from the guys? It didn’t make any sense. He was so nice and gentle but cruel at the same time. Was it possible to feel loved and hated at the same time?

Duo gave up on his previous resolution and finished the rest of his drink in one swallow. He grabbed Kaji’s hand and started to pull him from the bar. “I’m ready to go now.”

Once they got out the door Kaji pulled gently on his arm. “Hey, slow down beautiful. Your going the wrong way. My car is parked out back.”

Duo shrugged and followed him down the block and as they turned the corner he felt cold steel come in contact with his temple and his vision went white. He groaned as he fell to the ground. He felt two sets of arms lift him up and begin to drag him. He tried to look around and see what was going on but the alcohol in his system made the blow pulse in his head and everything was moving faster than he could register. He felt the hands push him up against the brick wall. His arms were lifted above his head and he felt cold handcuffs slide around his wrists. He tried to put his hands down and heard the scrape of metal against metal. Duo groaned again. How do I get myself into these situations. He opened his eyes again, his vision now clearer. He saw the smiling Kaji standing next to a man who looked pretty much the same as him but with short hair and slightly older. Duo felt warm liquid start to drip down and coat the side of his face. He smiled. “Come on Kaji, this isn’t very fair. Two on one with me all chained up ? I thought you and I were gonna go someplace, have a little fun.”

Kaji’s smile grew wider. “Oh , we’re still gonna have fun. But me and my brither Koji here, we share everything. Especially everything beautiful.”

Duo laughed and continued to try and work his arms free. “Very flattered guys, really I am, but I’m not really into the idea of being shared. But if you let me go maybe we could work something out, ya know. Set up a date or something “cause my head is killing me and I’m not really in the mood anymore.”

The other man, Koji, walked up to Duo and stood right in front of him and said, “But pretty boys like you are so much tighter when we take you against your will.” He grabbed Duo’s head and pressed his lips to him forcing his tongue into the restrained boys mouth. He pulled away and Duo spat in his face. Koji slapped Duo so hard it made is head reel all over again. Koji wiped the spit off of his face and cleaned hi hand on Duo’s shirt. He said, “I was hoping you would do something like that. I love when we get the feisty ones. It’s so boring when they just cry and take it.” He ripped open Duo’s shirt and started pinching and tugging at Duo’s nipples making the boy Grunt and jerk back and forth in his attempts to get away. Koji laughed. “Well, since your so eager lets cut the formalities and just get to it then.”

Kaji took this as his signal to join in and he moved behind Duo and braced himself against the wall. He grabbed hold of Duo in an attempt to keep him still. Duo tried to break away, fighting even harder as he felt Koji yank his pants down and pull them off. He screamed out in pain when two fingers were shoved roughly into him. Tears streamed down his face and he started yelling and screaming for Heero to come and help him. He felt Kaji’s hand press against his mouth to quiet his screams. He felt the fingers slide in and out with more ease as he began to bleed. It burned. He shut his eyes and sobbed against the hand covering his mouth.


*Heero’s POV*


Heero walked out of the bar, ready to go and track down Duo at whatever hotel he took the guy to. As he was walking down the block in the direction that Duo usually wandered off into he heard a scream and then Duo’s panicked voice scream HIS name. He froze, quickly calculating the direction the screams were coming from when they suddenly stopped. He broke into a run in the direction of the ally. If something has happened to him I will never be able to live with myself. He ran into the ally and what he saw stopped him in his tracks.

At the end of the ally he saw Duo with his arms above his head, handcuffed to a thick steam pipe. One man, the man from the bar, was behind him holding him still with his hand covering Duo’s mouth. The other man was in front of Duo with his fingers buried inside him, lifting up Duo’s leg, preparing to thrust his exposed cock into his body. Heero looked at Duo’s tear streaked face, his tightly shut eyes, his head shaking with his silenced sobs. Heero raised his gun and shot both men in their heads, splattering their blood all over Duo.

Duo opened his eyes and looked at Heero’s cold eyes. He let his head drop and cried. Heero just stood there, gun still raised, and stared at Duo. Oh God, how could I let this happen. His hands began to shake ans he felt the emotions start to rise up. He walked over to the dead men, put his gun down on the ground and began to search for the keys to the handcuffs. He found them and unlocked the cuffs. He caught Duo as he collapsed and lowered him to the ground. He said, “Dammit Duo. Only you put yourself in this kind of a situation. You’re a fucking Gundam pilot! How did you manage to get overpowered by two ordinary men? You were drunk again, weren’t you? You’re a fucking alcoholic, do you know that?”

Duo pushed Heero away and grabbed his pants from the floor, wincing in pain as he put them on. He tried in vain to keep his shirt closed. Heero lifted him up off the ground, helping him stand. “Stop being so weak. As a Gundam pilot you should be able to withstand any form of torture. That includes this. Had this been a mission you would have failed. I would have had to shoot you to keep you from talking. You are—“

Duo covered his ears. “Heero, please stop.”

Heero said, “No, I won’t stop. You need to fucking listen. If you weren’t too busy getting wasted and acting like a slut you would have noticed what a bad idea it was to leave that bar with that man. You would have been prepared for a surprise attack. You could have—“

Heero’s words were cut off as he suddenly found himself on his back on the ground with Duo pointing his own gun at his face. Heero slowly stood back up. ”What the fuck do you think you’re doing.”

Duo said, “Please, Heero, I can’t take this right now, okay? Just leave me alone. Please?”

Heero took a step closer. “Leave you alone? Why? So you can go and get yourself killed like you almost did tonight? No, Duo< I won’t leave you alone.”

Duo’s hands were shaking, the tears still streamed down his face. “Stop it! I can’t fucking take this anymore!”

Heero said, “ Or what? You’ll shoot me? I don’t think you can. You’re too weak. Look at you. You’re shaking and crying. You’d probably fucking miss.”
Duo yelled, “I can and fucking will shoot you! I am a fucking Gundam pilot, just like you said. I. Will. Not. Miss.”

Heero walked up to Duo, reached out and pressed the barrel of the gun against his own chest. “Prove it.”

Duo squeezed his eyes shut. “I love you Heero.” He pulled the trigger.

Heero stood in shock. He didn’t even register the pain. Only the warn moisture blossoming across the fron t of his shirt. His eyes widened in realization. He fell to the ground, pulling Duo down with him. Duo didn’t resist. He just fell to the ground with Heero, crying. He opened his eyes to look at Heero.

Heero whispered, “I- I didn’t know. I—“

Duo cradled Heero in his arms. “Shh, Heero, please don’t talk.”

Heero said, “But I never told you that I love you.” His eyes felt heavy and he let them close. He could feel Duo shaking him and heard Duo’s voice, far away, yelling at him. “Heero! Don’t fucking close your eyes Heero! God dammit! Look at me! You can’t leave me like this! Not after saying something like that! Dammit, Heero! Don’t leave me alone! I was wrong! Don’t leave me alone!”


TBC

Notes: Hey guys! What ya think? I know, it's dark, but that's what happens when your muse is an evil pixie whispering in your ear. Anyway, does anyone think I should continue? I have a few more chapters already written. I also have an original character version of this story.

This story can be found at http://morgaineofavalon.deviantart.com/art/The-Meaning-Of-Alone-Chap-1-5188 4305 on my DeviantArt account, on Mangabullet, AdultFanFiction.net and on Mediaminer.org

Please reveiw. It strenghtens my life force.