Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Road to Kindness ❯ Surgery Part 20 ( Chapter 27 )

 

Chapter 7

Author's Note 1/5: I have returned! It's been a hellish few months, let me tell ya! November passed with me completing nanowrimo kind of easily. I even got decent reviews on it, leading me to decide that I'm going to work on Poisoned Memories during the weekends. Then December came and I managed to finish three parts in a week and a half. I honestly have no idea how that happened, I felt like I was on speed or something. I didn't get it beta read until around Christmas, and by then, I was so wrapped up in helping out with Christmas, I didn't get around to posting. Then I got a new computer and thought, gee, I'll get this thing set up and updating will go so much quicker than with my older computer. Wrong. I finished part 23, only to have said computer crash. I'm now awaiting a possibility to retrieve Part 23 from the ruined hard drive before attempting to continuing to work on the Road to Kindness at all. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy these three parts!

I want to thank wind dancer1981 for your kind review.

 

 

Part 20

 

          During the twenty-first century, the area that was now `The Cottage' had been a beautiful park. Flowers had bloomed freely and the citizens of St. Peters had enjoyed a lovely place to relax. Lamp posts had been erected to light the place when it got dark and benches and a few water fountains were built. Then, the economic crises had begun and the town no longer had the means to take care of the park. In a desperate gamble to get more money, the town had closed down the park and had bulldozed and cemented half of it to put in some stores. The other half had quickly become overgrown from disuse and had turned back into feral woods.

          The wooden benches had rotted, the stone fountains cracked, and the lamp posts had become covered in vines, but the town still paid for the electricity, the lights sending eerie rays of light and shadow into the woods. Away from the parking lot, those lights were the only source of vision in the woods once the sun set, but the lamp posts were brilliant, enough that anyone could see where they were going.

          For Duo, the visibility as his attacker carried him into the woods, was a bittersweet thing. He could see where he was being taken to, so if he escaped, he knew how to get back to the store, but so did his kidnapper. He wouldn't be able to trick him with the darkness. Duo was sure that the person that had dared to take him from the alley was male. The arm around him was too strong and sure to break or find a way out of. The chest that his back was pressed against was flat and muscular, so high that his feet were no longer able to touch the ground.

          He was helpless. That realization sent fear through Duo's body, his heart relentlessly pounding, so violently, he was sure his attacker could feel it, too. The man was much stronger than him; he could feel that even though he hadn't had much of chance to fight back in the alley. Even if he could touch the ground and gain some sort of leverage… he was a fast runner, if he could get free of the man, he could just make a go for the back door, but overpowering the strong arms wrapped around his waist, the large hand pressed against his mouth, didn't seem even remotely possible. And that wasn't even considering the fact that the man could have knife or some other sort of weapon on him. He couldn't scream for help, even if he could, the people inside on by the parking lot would never hear him, let alone reach him in time. He had dropped his taser, the single, one edge he could have had against his kidnapper.

          It was Boston all over again, Duo grimly realized, suddenly feeling weak and nauseous. The only difference was that he had no idea who this guy was or what he wanted, that and the fact that Heero wasn't involved this time. He could decide if that was a good thing or a terrible thing. After all he had done to Heero last time, putting him in harm's way, incapable of bargaining with Chris to let his best friend go, being freed, only to be drugged up so he couldn't help them escape… he didn't want Heero to ever go through something like that again. Trowa had pointed out that it was Duo that had gotten hurt the most, but Duo couldn't possibly accept that as an excuse. Heero had gotten hurt enough, all because of him; he couldn't bear to have that responsibility hang over his head anymore. But… his weak, sentimental heart prayed that Heero would come to his rescue again. If not rescue, then just because he wanted him here, because when he was near, the fear and darkness didn't seem so bad. Only, when Heero had been threatened by Chris, that darkness seemed to grow and grow until it had nearly driven him half mad.

          But he had no right to pray for Heero. He had no right to want to be saved by him. This was his fight, his problem, how could he possibly ask Heero for any sort of help when Heero was constantly in danger just because he had dared to be his friend? Maybe… maybe if this man killed him, Heero would be saved, if only from a supposed friend who couldn't return the gesture of saving him. But he was so selfish; he couldn't succumb to that belief. He was terrified, of his death, of this man, of what this person was planning on doing to him. He had survived Boston, only by the skin of his teeth; maybe his luck had finally run out. He just wanted to break down and cry. He was so tired. He was tired of fighting, tired of dealing with his own problems let alone all the people that wanted to hurt him. What had he done that was so terrible fate needed to punish him for it? Hadn't he already suffered enough? He suddenly remembered his words to Sister Helen; that if there was a God, he hated Him. He couldn't even cry because he was in danger, and his old street instincts were telling him that any sign of weakness was going to get him killed.

          He wanted to fall asleep, into some peaceful dream, pretend that this wasn't happening again. He was so tired… he just wanted it to be all over, wanted to not have to second guess at every shadow. He had told himself that Boston was enough, surely no one would come after him again, that he would be given some sort of reprieve, but that had just been a lie, one he had been fully aware of. He wasn't safe. He would never be safe. He had believed that, by being near Name and Heero, he could make himself safe, but instead, he had made them not safe. It was in him, in that moment, to just give in. To let the man take him without a fight. To tell him to just fuck him, kill him, whatever he wanted to do, because it was easier to give in than to continue to fight. But in that moment, Duo remembered all the times he had talked about his past, and how his friends and Name had told him that they were proud of him. He couldn't remember anyone before them ever telling him that. Even if he died, even if he was violated again, he couldn't lose that. He would rather suffer a thousand times than ever make them all ashamed of him. Wasn't that why he couldn't talk to Heero, because he didn't want to know if he had lost his respect? He would rather be anxious and doubtful than know for sure that Heero was disgusted in him.

          So, even though his back hurt from his curled up position against the man's hard body, and he was terrified to the point that he just wanted to cry, he also refused to give in. It scared him sometimes, how easy it was to get so tired of living; he just wanted everything to stop, just for a little while, but he didn't have the luxury of that this time. He was all alone, he had no one to lean on, only himself, and he was a pretty poor person to lean on. And there was something drilling into his mind like hot needles, something he couldn't ignore, but desperately wanted to. The man's smell… he knew it and he knew exactly what it was, but he refused to let that knowledge fill his consciousness, something deep inside of him screaming in denial. Like a feral cat, he scratched at the man's arm wildly, leaning into his rough hand so he could bite his palm.

          His kidnapper seemed completely unfazed by Duo's attempts to hurt him. Duo's nails were short, his upper arms pinned down by the man's arm, and his bites were awkward and strained, little more than nips. His legs struggled to kick at his attacker, but his sneakers and weak flailing wasn't causing much damage at all. He felt like a little kitten in the jaws of a Doberman; he could scratch and bite, but not enough to make much of a difference. But he had to fight, not because he wanted to get free, or even that he was scared of what was going to happen. It was because he was trying to ignore the familiar smell of the man, something that he recognized far too well, the way his rough fingers lingered on his skin, not to restrain him, but to feel him, like a thirsty lion trying to lap up a pool of rain water while it still could drink. That touch was familiar as well, and it made his stomach crawl unpleasantly, it made him think that he might throw up after all, trying to ignore his mental screaming and that insane touch… the warm, comfortable, yet sickening breath on his neck.

          Suddenly the iron arm that had been restraining his waist disappeared and he was nearly tossed to the ground. The muddy ground streaked the legs of his jeans brown and Duo skinned his left knee on a tree branch, but he didn't even hiss at the sudden pain and stinging as his jeans ripped and became stained with blood, too shocked by his sudden fall. He turned to face his attacker, wondering what the hell was going on, if he could try to escape now, and scrambling back a little, not daring to try to stand.

          All thoughts of running immediately abandoned him. He stopped breathing, his heart stopped beating, and something roared in his head. He felt dizzy and would have been glad he was not standing if he had the ability to think. Duo had heard of time stopping in moments like this, but had never actually experienced it before. It was sickening and if he had had the chance to think about what was happening, he would have found the energy to give attention to his turbulent insides. Things started to go grey in his vision and for a brief moment, Duo thought he was going to lose consciousness.

          Wes was oddly silent, not out of anger, Duo numbly realized. When Wes was angry, he often was silent. When he yelled, Duo had always known he would survive the experience, but when he said nothing… This time, however, he was angry; it was almost like he was trying to find the right words, which was odd for Wes. The man had always had perfect control over his speech and actions, but now he seemed… unsure. Duo's awareness split in half between the past and the present, giving him a sense of deep vertigo, his entire being fighting for dominance between what had been and what was. Was he in the apartment, just released from his bonds? His body felt weak, he felt… insane. He wanted to hug Wes, having not seen him for quite sometime. He had missed him!

          Bile rose in Duo's throat. No, no… he hadn't missed Wes, that was impossible… he couldn't have possibly missed him! Duo's fingers curled and his fingernails bit into his palms. He didn't realize that he was hyperventilating. Heero, Name, school, his job, his cats… all of it melted away and abandoned him until it was only Wes and himself in the world. He had missed Wes. He knew this fact; he couldn't deny it, no matter how much he wanted to. He had never been able to deny it. Duo had spent the first seven years of his life completely alone, unnoticed, unloved, separate from any sort of human connection. The only social interaction he had ever had was the people who scorned him, pitied him, and wanted to hurt him or steal his things. And Sister Helen, of course, who had been ripped from his life so resolutely it was still painful to think of her, ten years later.

          Living on the streets, Duo had become little more than a human animal, doing disgusting things just to survive a world that didn't even want him in it. His birth had been pointless, his life even more so. He had been scared of people, but had still yearned for them, for a kind touch from another person. Sister Helen had only managed to awaken that desire into a brilliant blaze. When Wes had come to him, he had been starving for both food and attention . Perhaps, in a way, that was really why he had gone with him, because he was the first person in two years to actually see him, to speak to him like he was another human, not an animal or unwanted object, spoiling their idealistic views. It was ironic, but Wes had been his hope for a normal life. When Wes had offered him a job, Duo had tried so hard to ignore his fear and doubts about the man, wanting to believe that he was being given a home and a way to survive, as well as someone he could talk to and be with. The sad thing was, Wes had given him a home and food, when he did a good job; he had even been the one constant thing in his turbulent life, which was something he had always wanted. He had always been moving around from alley to alley, losing everyone and everything he could possibly get used to, but Wes… Wes had been there… had always been there.

          What made it ironic was that Wes had treated him more like an animal and object than any other person he had ever met, but he was also the only person that had staid in his life, the only one that had given him any sort of physical contact, though it had seemed like the only sort of contact that Wes had been capable of giving. Or at least… it had been, until the day Wes had decided to let him out of that bed, until he had said that he loved him. Wes had been the only person in his life to ever say those words to him. How fucked up was that? Was he only capable of being loved by the man that had owned his body, had dehumanized him and abused him for eight lonely, horrible years? Was he only capable of reaching for human affection through sex with strangers and madmen?

          And now he was falling through the darkness again. He felt like he had back then, chained to the bed, unable to see, unable to know who was touching him, helpless to stop the madness, each touch painful, except for Wes's because, for once, he had been gentle. Maybe they belonged together. Maybe his love for Heero was just a silly fantasy, and if there was any truth of soul mates… maybe Wes was his. They were entangled, had been for a very long time, even before he had taken him back to his apartment. And Duo knew, had always known, that he couldn't escape him. Hell, he wasn't even sure if he wanted to escape him anymore. He was still that lonely, not even entirely human, child searching for some meaning in his existence, constantly trying to reach out and pull away at the same time. Heero and what he meant for his future terrified him, but Wes's abuse, his using him for money, that he completely understood. He had lived in that world for as long as he could remember. This new world, though… this world of home cooked meals, hugs, and loyal friends… it was completely alien to him and the parts of him that made him who he was were demanding that he return to the darkness, to what was familiar because those new things were too scary, too unknown and if he didn't know how to face them, how could he possibly survive them? He had only survived Wes's lifestyle because he had grown accustomed to it.

          No! Another part of his mind screamed at him. These thoughts weren't right… they were wrong, completely wrong. It was true that Wes was his father, the man had created him as he had been those eight terrible years, had created a creature that needed the touch of a rapist because he was lonely and starved for affection, but if that were true… if that were true, then wasn't it also true that Name was his mother? He wasn't like he had been… there was something new inside of him… a new person. Name had created that person, had created the part of him that was now screaming that it wasn't true that Wes was the only one capable of loving him. Name loved him. If she didn't… why take such good care of him? Why be so concerned with his opinions and thoughts and feelings? This new part of him was terrifying, but it was warm and nice and he was just starting to understand it, just starting to love it. For the first time in his life he had something to be proud of, and now that he was just starting to live again, Wes had returned to drag him back to the darkness.

          He was comfortable in that darkness, but it was just as scary, because he knew what to expect, which meant that he knew there was no hope and he hated that. He wanted to dream, for once in his life, he wanted to have dreams! Even if Wes was his destiny… why couldn't he fight against it? Even if it was inevitable, he wanted to be with Heero with all of his heart, both old and new. Even if it was inevitable… he had to fight, otherwise, he might as well be less than human anyway. And yet… and yet it was so hard to look in Wes' cool grey eyes and yearn for both him and Heero at the same time, comfort and hope… they couldn't exist simultaneously and he had always been aware of the choice that he had to make, but he could never make it… it scared him too much and he was too much of a coward. Heero… he wanted him, he needed him, yet he was too scared to reach out to him.

          He could let Wes take him, Duo realized. Whether Wes wanted to kill him or not was cloudy to him, but if he just wanted to take him back… maybe he would leave Heero alone. He could go back… but the mere thought of going back to Wes after everything that had happened, after all the good, new things, as scary as they were, was even more terrifying. No, it was more than that. Those thoughts… they threatened to drive him mad. He knew, somehow, that if he did decide to go with Wes, he would kill himself, he would lose himself completely. He couldn't go back… he just couldn't! If Wes killed him… no, he didn't want to think about that, if he did, he would only become lost in his memories of Boston, of all those times he had faced death with Wes and Chris. He just… if he had to die, he wanted to see Heero one more time. He wanted to say goodbye, and he wanted to say he was sorry. He wanted to say that he loved him, even if he didn't truly understand those confusing feelings.

          “Duo…” Wes finally spoke, finally seemed to realize where he was. He was still in control, though, Duo realized. Maybe not of his emotions, which was a terrifying concept. Wes was scary enough when he knew what he was doing. But he was still the one with the power, which had never changed; he was still the one in charge. It felt like it had been forever since they had seen each other and Duo had no idea how to feel about that. But, just like he had, Wes had changed. He was still well-shaven and huge looking, especially compared to Duo, but his blonde hair was slightly longer and messy, not like Wes at all. His slate eyes were insane looking, even more than Duo remembered then being. Besides that, he looked exactly the same as when he had left him, but those things seemed so huge to Duo, like he was looking at a different person, but still someone that scared him.

          “It's been awhile,” Wes said, seeming to get a better grip on himself, his voice rough, and the familiarity of it was just as shocking to Duo as Wes's sudden appearance. He just couldn't wrap his mind around it. He had always known he would see the man again, but he hadn't wanted to believe it. The blonde moved forward and Duo flinched, even though they weren't even touching. Just Wes's mere presence was making him feel on edge, his entire body on hyper drive, but his fractured mind, the part that wanted to obey and the part that just wanted Wes out of his new life, couldn't decide whether he should succumb or run. He wouldn't get far anyway, he knew that from experience, but his past training that Wes had put him through was telling him he needed to do what the man told him, but the independence and pride Name had given him screamed at him that if he did what Wes wanted him to, he would never be free of him, he would never be whole.

          As Wes moved, the light caught something metal that was sticking out of the man's waistline. Duo's eyes immigrated to it and his blood froze even further. It was a gun, an automatic, and no doubt loaded. It was the sight of the lethal weapon that shocked Duo out of his numb, cowed mind state. Wes wasn't his pimp anymore, certainly wasn't his father. Had he really just been considering leaving Name's warmth, love and acceptance for this man? What had Wes done to him? Why did he have to be this way? He just wanted to be better… he didn't want to live in this nightmare anymore; he needed to be stronger…

          “I'll call the cops,” Duo threatened his past abuser. The second that the words left him, pain flared in his head and a red light overwhelmed his vision. He flinched, though not from the pain, but from an incredible terror that made his heart race and he hyperventilated again, unable to catch his breath. He had spoken to Trowa once about mental blocks, back when Trowa had asked why he couldn't ever defend himself, and Duo knew that his assumptions about himself had been correct. Even now, when he had somehow found the ability to tell Wes `no', he reacted this way…

          Wes grabbed Duo's shirt and pinned him to the tree he was near, his other hand caressing his cheek. The touch made Duo's heart stop and his stomach churned. He tried to flinch away from the other man, but he couldn't escape his grip.

          “Hush,” Wes ordered in a smoothing tone that Duo was only slightly familiar with. Wes had spoken to him in that tone a few times, but it was strange, almost… comforting, like the way that Name spoke to him when he was scared or hurting. That comparison only made his skin crawl. Wes wasn't like Name, he refused to make that comparison, yet he couldn't deny it. He squeezed his eyes shut as Wes rubbed their cheeks together. Why wasn't he raping him, or just shooting him and dragging him back home? Why this… subtle touching?

          “I missed you,” Wes whispered to him. Duo's violet eyes flew open in shock at that sentence. He shuddered as he felt Wes's lips on his cheek, giving him a small kiss near his ear, something that was completely… non-sexual. Wes' firm body was pressed up against his smaller one, but he wasn't trying to have sex with him… Duo's mind struggled to understand this, but could only come up with the last thing that Wes had told him… he loved him.

          “I followed you everywhere,” Wes confessed, his fingers stroking Duo's thin neck, breathing in his clean smell. The boy had gained weight and great deal of health since he had last been in his presence. He looked so beautiful… but he would reclaim him later. Right now, he had to reassert his dominance over him.

          “I've seen you with that boy,” he growled angrily, secretly smirking at how Duo tensed at the warning tone, “And you never came back to me, like you promised you would.”

          That tone awoke Duo from his shock at finding Wes so… different. He quickly realized that the man hadn't really changed at all. He was just as dangerous and this time, he was willing to do whatever he had to, to make Duo come back to him, even kill his friends… no, Wes was even more dangerous now because he no longer cared about his own welfare, only his base desires. How could he possibly feel anything for this sort of person? Wes had hurt him so much… how could the man ever think that he was going to come back to him? He had raped him, hit him, neglected him, abused him, and had treated him like an animal… because of him, he had suffered so much, in more ways than one. Heero… Heero was the best thing that had ever happened to him, Wes was nothing compared to that… Duo shoved Wes away from him. The stronger man only stumbled back a single step, barely that, but the shocked look on his face was worth whatever the man would do to him in retaliation to Duo.

          “I hate you!” Duo snarled at him, feeling empowered by the frustrated, pained look Wes gave him, “Why would I ever come back to you?! Maybe… back then I had said I would, but that was because I had no choice! What you did to me… that terrible thing… I would have done anything to avoid that insanity! But now… fuck, how could I not hate you?!” tears filled Duo's eyes and he didn't bother to wipe them away. Tears would be punished, but the sorrow he felt in his heart wouldn't be denied. As he shook his head, the satin hair tie around his braid brushed his wrist. He had waited so long to tell Wes this… this needed to be said, and not just for himself, for someone much more important.

          “Because of you,” he hissed through his thick tears, “Because of you, I missed out on the last week of a friend's life… a very good friend… while you had me chained up in that bed!” Duo didn't even try to bite back his sob, “I lost him… you… you cheated me out of a week of him, and now… now he's gone. I never got to say goodbye…”

 

          `Yuki,' Duo thought in intense sorrow. He had just wanted to say goodbye… he never got to say goodbye… not to his parents, not to Sister Helen, and now… Yuki… would he be able to say goodbye to Heero? If he had been there, would he have been able to save Yuki? No, probably not… but hearing that his friend had died a week later, that had been so painful and he hated Wes so much for that. More than the abuse, more than the rapes, he hated Wes because he had so little in his life and now, he had even less. The man had kept him from Heero, from his friends, from so much that he had now.

          Solo, Shi, Hi, Amaaya, Yuki, Alex, Aluxiel… they still meant so much to him. He couldn't blame Wes for his distance from them, it was his own cowardice, but when he had believed that Heero hated him and wanted nothing to do with him, they had been his whole world. Was he destined to lose all his friends? He had already lost their little gang, and Heero. Would he lose Quatre, Trowa, Wufei, and Fai as well? He owed Solo and Shi, at the very least, his life, and he had abandoned them… it made him want to laugh, that Wes had almost killed him back then, without even knowing it. He should have died back then… he had prayed for it, but in the end… he couldn't have even been freed from his personal hell.

 

 

 

//He was definitely following him now. Duo hadn't been sure, there were too many shadows out tonight, but now he was sure. He had heard things, on his way back to the apartment, that had made him believe that someone was following him, but every time he had turned around to try to catch them, no one would be there, only shadows cast by the neon lights. It had been years since Duo had lived on the streets, but his instincts had never dulled. Living with Wes, he had found that he desperately needed those survival skills just to deal with his `job' and the man's temper. So, he had known that someone was stalking him, but he hadn't been sure who until he had heard the shuffling steps behind him.

          Instincts as old as he was, screamed at him to run, to flee from the shadow that was obsessively tracking him, but he was tired. When he had been living on the streets, he had thought that he had understood what tiredness was better than anyone. He had no food, nothing to keep the chill of the world away from him, and every morning he would awake, feeling even wearier than the previous day. Back then, he had thought he had understood what it had meant to be at the end of your rope, to not want to open your eyes after sleeping, because each day was harder than the last. Then he had met Wes and had realized that he had never really known anything. He had gone days without sleeping, but when another street kid came after him for his food, or just because Duo was smaller and an easy target, he had always found the strength to run, to try to survive.

          Where was that instinct now? Was it even possible that that instinct had disappeared, just because of how tired he was? It was just a day like any other. He had serviced five men today, starting from nine in the morning to nine at night. He probably could have done more. No, he definitely could have done more, and he had done more, if it hadn't been for one of them wanting him for half the day. But five was bad enough. Hell, one was just as bad as five. Logically, he knew that five should be far worse than one, but it just didn't feel that way to him. One, five, a hundred, it all made him feel exactly the same way. Even if it had just been one man fucking him, he would feel tired from it, too tired to even want to run away.

          Let him come, Duo thought. Let him catch me, what difference does it make? He wasn't even entirely sure what the man wanted, but he didn't care. It was something bad. It was always something bad. Just once, couldn't something good happen to him? He had had something good once, but she had died, burned alive with over two hundred other people and now he had absolutely nothing. He had worse than anything, actually. It made him wonder if there was even a rock bottom here, if he had hit it, or he was just waiting for the bottom to fall out and pitch him into more blackness.

          It was number five who was following him. Duo didn't have to turn around to know that. He had been a strange one. What had been his name? Roland or Ronald, something like that, or maybe it had been Owen or Olland, it was hard to remember such things. He serviced too many men; some of them repeat customers, but not always, for him to remember something as pointless as the men's names. He could remember aspects of their times together, if one man was rough, another nervous, if they liked to use toys, or were too boring or unoriginal to do anything but vanilla sex. What use were names to a whore like him anyway? He had taken his own name from a newspaper and thought he could change it in a heartbeat and no one would care.

          But it was still his. Even if the name didn't really mean anything, it wasn't like he had all that much to begin with. So his name didn't mean anything, he didn't mean much either. All he really had was his hair, his eyes, and his name. Beyond that, everything else changed constantly. His clothes, his speech, everything that he had once seen as his on the streets, Wes had changed. Through him, Duo had learned to speak `properly', the street speak he had grown up with only coming out when he was stressed or scared. It wasn't that bad, once he had learned how to speak like the men he catered to, learning to read had been easier.

          Number 5, no Olson, that had been his name, hadn't been normal, that was for sure. He had felt it first off, the second Wes had handed him over to the man. He hadn't looked extraordinary, just another guy of medium height, dark hair, and olive eyes, like dozens of other guys he had been whored to. But the way he had made him feel wasn't so ordinary. When those olive eyes had met his, the squirmy feeling he got was similar to the one Wes gave him, or when he just knew there was something bad in the air and he should escape it as soon as possible. Not that he had the choice of escape. He had gone with the man because it didn't really matter how a john made him feel in his stomach, all that mattered was doing his job and getting some money so Wes wouldn't beat him when he got home. Beyond that, what a john did to him was irrelevant.

          The weirdness had really started when Olson had brought him back to his apartment. Duo had quickly realized that there was something wrong with the guy the second he had gotten his pants off and had tried to give him a blowjob. For one, the guy was completely limp, which was something that Duo was definitely not used to. He hadn't even known what to do, if he should keep going or just give up. He had never had to deal with a flaccid penis before and it had confused him. At first he had been sure that Wes had been had and this Olson had only been curious, but had quickly figured out that he just didn't like little boys. He had felt a small spike of fear in that moment, because he knew Wes would beat the shit out of him once he got home, not because he had gotten no money, but because his reputation had taken a hit.

          He had been ready to pull off of the guy and suggested they give up when Olson had shoved him away. When his back hit the floor with a hard sound and the breath went out of his lungs in his shock and pain, it had suddenly clicked for him. Olson was a sadist. He wasn't unfamiliar with such men, for a long time he had thought that Chris and Wes had the same problem, but though they liked to hurt him, they were more than capable of getting it up without violence being involved. This guy, however, could only get excited if he hurt and dominated his prey. Fortunately, Duo hadn't had to force or fake the fear he had genuinely felt when the man had loomed over him. Any doubts of the man's sexual tastes had fled when Olson had nearly ripped the clothes off of him and had penetrated him in one move, with no lube or preparation involved at all.

          It had hurt like hell. He had been whoring for five years now, so he was as used to penetration as he ever would be, but Olson's move had succeeded in ripping an honest scream from him. It had felt like it had back when Wes had raped him for the first time. He had felt his insides tear and blood drip down his thighs. When he felt the man's weight on him and his hands around his throat, Duo had thought he was stuck in a memory, that it was Wes above him and not Olson. But still… he had known that it wasn't Wes, he didn't have to look up at him, or even smell him, he had just known that it wasn't him. The two men fucked differently. Olson was quick and chaotically wild, like he didn't even know what he was doing, or simply didn't care. Wes was the complete opposite, like fucking was his life. There was no way he could confuse the two of them.

          Olson wasn't just a sadist, though. He had choked him like he had fucked him, without knowing at all what he was doing. Duo had struggled against him, no longer concerned with the pain Olson's dick was causing when his air way was cruelly blocked. He had dimly realized that Olson was choking him harder and longer than Wes had and, for a moment, he had wondered if the man meant to kill him. He had thought that right before he had blacked out. In his last thoughts, he had wondered if this was it, if he wouldn't wake up. But he had. He had woken up, vomiting, Olson's cum dripping out of him.

          Duo hadn't wasted much time after that in collecting his money and fleeing the apartment. Even now, he could remember the brightness of Olson's eyes and how it had looked to Duo like insanity. He had been considering telling Wes about the man's actions, so he wouldn't have to go back to him, when he had heard the footsteps following him. He remembered that crazy light and how long he had choked him, and just knew it was the john. He wasn't entirely sure how he knew this with such surety, that it wasn't just some stranger, but he did. He didn't quicken his pace or scream or even look back, he kept walking at his sedate stride, like he didn't hear the footsteps at all.

          It wasn't that his back and ass hurt, which they did, and it wasn't that he thought the man wouldn't do anything to him, for he was very sure that he would, he just didn't care. He was tired; tired of fighting, tired of living, tired of breathing, knowing that nothing would ever change, let alone get better. Let the man catch him, he thought. He just plain didn't care anymore. He had too many memories and the thought that he had ten, twenty more years of nightmares to look forward to filled him with an intense fear and weariness. He didn't want anymore, his life had become a joke, and he was so sick of the punch line. Sex didn't matter, his life didn't matter. He was nothing, a speck compared to men like Wes and the people who ran this city. Who would care if he was raped again or was killed? Nobody cared about kids like him and he was tired of living that truth over and over and over…

          He could hear Olson quickening his own pace and he slowed his as he entered a short alleyway. The man was silent as he caught up with him. Duo stopped walking. The alleyway was a dead end; there was no way he was running off anyway. That weird light was in Olson's eyes again and Duo felt a small thrill of fear, but ignored it. Olson shoved him against the brick wall and Duo thought, bitterly, that he had a nasty habit of shoving people around. Olson wasn't as big as Wes was, but he was a lot bigger than Duo and pinned him to the wall easily. Duo didn't struggle, he was beyond that now.

          “Don't move,” Olson snapped at him and Duo could feel his hard erection against his thigh as the man pressed against him.

          He would have been shocked at the man's excitement, given they had fucked only minutes before, but he lived with Wes, who had the sexual stamina of a feral dog and rabbit in heat combined. He wanted to laugh at how Olson was only this hard because he was being violent and forceful, but it didn't seem all that funny to him. The light of the full moon above them brought Duo's attention to the knife Olson had in one of his hands, but he felt only numbness at the sight of the shinning blade. It was like someone had thrown a switch inside of him and nothing was really affecting him. He was going to die, but he felt nothing. Nothing at all, not even the smallest bit of fear. But he didn't even feel relief or acceptance, either. He was just empty.

          It was cool outside, but his shivering confused him, since it wasn't cold enough to see their breaths, let alone for him to be cold in his ratty jeans and blue t-shirt. He didn't even feel that cold, but he was shivering like it was the dead of winter. Olson was easily pinning him there with only one hand and the other unzipped his pants. Duo finally felt a tiny bit of emotion, this time irritation that he couldn't just die without this. Maybe Wes was right. Sex was his only purpose, and nothing could happen to him without it happening. He couldn't even die without having sex first. Somehow… somehow it made him feel angry and he couldn't understand why.

          Olson used his knife to cut off Duo's jeans. Duo wondered if he wasn't going to kill him after all, if he had only followed him out here to rape him, but that didn't make any sense to him. If Olson only wanted sex, why hadn't he demanded to keep Duo for an extra hour? But if he wanted to kill him, why had he let him leave to begin with? Olson lifted up Duo's leg and Duo could feel the flat edge of the blade press against his now naked skin. He wondered if it would cut him. He wondered if the pain would help his suddenly rapidly beating heart, something he couldn't understand. The man shoved into him with as much care as he had the first time. Duo whimpered at the pain, feeling his insides throbbing nauseatingly and more blood stream down his legs, making a dripping sound as it hit the ground.

          Olson was harder than he had been earlier and he thrust into him with more passion. Once again, Duo was struck with the idea that he should laugh, but he wasn't sure why. He thought it must be horrible to only feel good at another person's pain, but wasn't that what sex was all about? Taking instead of giving… stealing instead of sharing… Duo stared over Olson's shoulder, almost blind. He heard some teenagers chatting and laughing near the mouth of the alleyway. He realized that they would only have to walk a couple of feet before they saw them. But he knew that they wouldn't save him. Who would want to save him? He wasn't worthy of saving. Still, there was a strange, little part of him that wanted them to see him, even if they did nothing. They sounded like they were having fun, chatting and laughing and joking, things that were alien to Duo, and he wished that they would come near the mouth of the alley and those laughing faces would turn to ones of horror and shock. He wished that they would acknowledge him, that someone would acknowledge him, someone who actually gave a shit and didn't just want to hurt him.

          Duo winced as searing, hot cum filled him again, but was shocked when Olson didn't pull out. The gleaming knife came up to his neck and the man pressed it to his skin. Duo felt blood stream down his neck at the cut. So he really was going to kill him? He realized that he could still hear the laughter and the teenagers weren't moving on. His eyes widened as he felt Olson's cock grow hard again, still inside of his body, and the man started to thrust again. He had gotten hard at the thought of killing Duo… that thought filled the child with nausea. Tears, as hot as the semen and the blood, dripped down his face, but he wasn't upset. His heart was pounding and his chest felt tight, but he wasn't upset at the thought of his death, so he didn't understand why he was crying.

          “I wish I had had the courage to do this earlier,” Olson suddenly said, panting as he thrust into his prey's tightness, his breath ghosting over Duo's face, “I always wanted to…”

          Duo bit back a sob at the man's words. Was this why the man was so hard up, was he getting some sort of sexual thrill from murdering him? His body shook, but he wasn't afraid. He felt something strange deep inside of him, but he couldn't put a name to it. He couldn't hear his thoughts, but he knew they were buzzing in his skull. He was struck with the sudden, violent urge to throw up.

          Blood, he thought… he could smell it, thick and coppery. It was a smell he had been used to for as long as he could remember, perhaps even as a baby. The blade was still at his neck, digging deeper and deeper and he wondered how long it would be before he no longer had a neck to breathe with, it was so cold against him, like a shard of ice. He shivered harder and harder, but it still wasn't cold. He was taking his time. Why? Why didn't he just kill him already?! Or was it like Wes with sex and he was going to take his time?

          `Just kill me,' he thought.

          He could smell the garbage in the alley and had the dark thought that this was exactly where he belonged, it suited him that he would die here. The sounds of laughter and chatter continued to reach him and he suddenly wished that they would just shut the hell up.

          `Kill me… kill me… kill me…' the thought repeated itself over and over and over again, his tears becoming violent, his chest shaking with sobs.

          Why couldn't he just kill him? He didn't want to do this anymore… he was tired of the cold, of the feeling of tearing inside of him. Why couldn't it end?

          Over Olson's shoulder, Duo saw a dark figure and in the moonlight, it looked to him like the creature had glowing red eyes, but had the shape of a man. Not just a man, but someone who was as tall as Wes. He must have died after all, he thought, and now he was in hell and demons had come to eat him. When Olson roughly pulled out of him, Duo had thought he had taken a step back, but he then realized that it was the creature that was pulling Olson back. Duo was unprepared for the sudden lack of anything supporting him and fell to the hard ground. His back was skinned raw by the rough bricks as he slid down them, his thin shirt riding up, giving him no protection. When he hit the ground, the skin on his knees tore and bled.

          Duo's shaking refused to ease, even at Olson's absence. He knew that this creature had not come to save him, it was just like Olson. It would hurt him and kill him. His violet eyes widened as he saw Olson's blade, still covered in Duo's blood, go through the man's neck and the demon let go of him, making him fall to the ground. Olson's body shuddered and squirmed as he clawed at his neck, but the handle of the blade was sticking out of the back of his neck and Olson only succeeded in slicing up his hand. His death throe only lasted for seconds before he stilled forever.

          Duo's shivering became almost like seizures as the creature finally stepped into the light. Only… only it wasn't a creature, monster, or demon, just a man. No… not a man, a very, very tall teenaged boy with red eyes and golden hair. Somehow, the thing becoming a man only made him more scared. Was he scared? Yes, he realized. Had he been scared earlier, or numb? He couldn't dissect his own feelings. At the sight of the boy, something deep inside Duo needled at him, trying to remind him of something, but trying to think of it only made his head scream in pain. The boy, dressed in a leather jacket that made him look like a regal guardian, glared down at Olson's body and spat at him.

          “Motherfucker,” he growled.

          Intense eyes, the color of brilliant rubies, found him in the dark and the boy fell to his knees in front of Duo.

          “Hey,” he said, his voice filled with concern, “Are you alright?”

          There was something strange in the boy's eyes that made Duo's head feel weird, light and heavy and tight all at once. When the blonde tried to put one of his large hands on Duo's thin knees, the little brunette drew his legs close to him, watching the tall, red eyed boy like a deer watching a very large wolf. To Duo's shock, the boy quickly withdrew his hand, almost obediently. He couldn't understand his words, let alone his presence here and why he wasn't taking what he wanted, like the rest of the world, like every man Duo had ever known? Why was he asking if he was ok, unless he wanted him healthy for whatever reason he had saved him? But… why help him, why risk it at all? Why was there a voice deep inside of him telling him that he could trust this person when he had never met him before?

          “Easy,” the boy soothed, “You're hurt. Don't move.”

          `Don't move', that's what Olson had said, but this man's voice was filled with affection and concern, not lust. When the blonde offered him a smile, he wasn't sure what he should do, if he should scream, try to run, or clutch onto this odd stranger with every ounce of strength he had left. The last person that had helped him… the last person who had smiled at him like that had been… but that was so very long ago, and he hadn't met anyone since that actually gave a shit about him. Why should this boy?

          Suddenly, the older boy moved and Duo saw him shrug off his leather jacket and wrap Duo in it, like a father would his son if he was cold. The boy's fingers brushed his arm as he settled the jacket around him and Duo's shaking immediately stopped. It had been a very, very long time since anyone had touched him like that, and his cold heart screamed for it, just for a second, before Wes's training and his fears clouded it over, but it didn't destroy it, just muted it. Duo's eyes were wide with shock as he looked at the boy, as though he were looking at an alien species. The leather coat was heavy on him, but warm. He realized that both the cut on his neck and his entrance were still bleeding, his body throbbing with pain. He didn't even notice when he started to sob.

          “Sssh,” the older boy soothed, even as his wore an expression of panic at the little boy's broken cries.

          He swept Duo into his arms like he was little more than a new born kitten. Old instincts told Duo to fight against it as hard as he could, not liking the feeling that he was helpless, but he was always helpless. He had always been helpless. And there was something else, deep down, that overrode those instincts. He wrapped his arms around the man's neck and buried his head into his strong shoulder. His fingers dug into the back of the black shirt the man was wearing and he fought down the old voice inside of his head that demanded to know why he was letting this boy touch him like this when he was nothing more than a stranger. But a warmth had filled him, a warmth that he couldn't begin analyze or name, and he couldn't let go any more than he could win against the boy in a fist fight.

          “It's ok,” to Duo's surprise, the boy continued to try to help him, “He's dead now, he can't hurt you anymore.”

          Duo wanted to laugh at the other boy's sentiments. Olson had been just one of his worries. He doubted this boy could do anything to help him with his problems with Wes and Chris. Why was he trying to make him feel better anyway? He didn't even know him and even if he did… no one helped him. That was just the natural order of things. He was trash, not even a street kid anymore, much less than that. No one helped little kids playing whore, so who was this guy?

          “It's alright, sweetheart, I'll take you somewhere safe,” the boy continued to talk to him and Duo realized that they were moving out of the alley.

          He dimly realized that the teenagers that had been on the street earlier were gone. He wondered if his savior had scared them off. `Sweetheart'… why would he call him that? And yet… and yet, for some reason, it had felt good to be called that. He closed his eyes. Tired, he was so tired. He just wanted to sleep. Did it matter if this boy wanted to do something bad to him? Hadn't he thought that he would be happy if Olson killed him? But… for reasons that he was already calling himself a fool for, he wanted to trust this guy. He did trust him.

          “I'm Shi,” the boy suddenly said, his deep voice breaking through Duo's nearly sleeping mind.

          “Duo,” he murmured.

          “Thank you,” he heard someone say, but as he drifted off, he couldn't be sure who.

          Whoever it was, they were crying.

 

*****

 

            ; “… We can't just keep him here,” a female voice was saying, “Are you sure he doesn't have some kind of I.D. on him?”

          “You act like he's just lost or sumthin',” a male voice with the familiar accent of street kids piped in, “You see his clothes? They're so filled with holes, no parent'd let him out like that.”

          “So he comes from a poor family,” a deeper voice replied, “We need to find his parents. He can't stay here. We don't have the means to get him medical aid.”

          “He's not too badly hurt,” a softer voice, though still masculine, said, “At least we should find him some pants.”

          “But… Shi said he was raped,” this voice was so like the previous one, Duo wondered if it wasn't the same person, “Shouldn't we do something? He's just a child.”

          “Shi always does have the habit of bringing home strays. That just means this boy is our responsibility. If we can't find his parents, he'll remain our responsibility. It's as simple as that,” a voice filled with gentle kindness and patience tuned in.

          “Oi!” the sound of his savior made Duo open his eyes, “I do not bring home strays! Don't equate me to some little kid!”

          “But you are a little kid,” the deepest voice teased.

          Duo glanced over at the origin of the voices from where he had been placed on a bench. It wasn't hard to tell whose voices were whose. The deep voice had to belong to the eldest of the little group, a fiery red-headed man with a shoulder-blade length ponytail, and eyes the color or slate that were a lot like Wes's but only in color. Otherwise, they were warm, not cruel, far from the man who had taken him in.

          The twins standing so close, they were nearly touching, had to be the matching voices he had heard. They were clearly identical, though one of them had died his hair red and green and Duo couldn't tell if their different colored eyes were natural or from contact lenses, but otherwise, the teenagers were mirror images of each other. There was only one girl in the group, so that one wasn't so hard to figure out. She was gorgeous too, not like one of those too skinny supermodels with the fake boobs that Duo saw in several tabloids in the nearby grocery store, but actually naturally beautiful with tanned skin and long black hair. Her features were slightly Asian, but she had the most breathtaking blue eyes Duo had ever seen. She was the second tallest in the group, tied with the redhead, with Shi being the tallest.

          The street-talker had to be the other blonde, who looked younger than Shi, but older than the twins, his wild bangs kept out of his face by a bandana. He looked just as rough and hungry as the others in their group, but the tattoo of a white wolf with blue fire behind it in the shape of a scythe on his arm was a dead giveaway that the boy either was, or had been, in a gang. That just left the Japanese boy who was standing by Shi's side. He was a little bit taller than the younger blonde, but still shorter than the girl. Duo didn't know what was more striking about him, the pure white clothes that he was wearing, his delicate features, his snow white skin, or the obvious fact that he was pure blood Japanese, which these days, was as rare as the color of Duo's eyes. Duo realized that this was the boy who had made the comment about strays.

          This group was incredibly eclectic, Duo thought, but they fit together almost like… almost like a family. A strange pain filled his chest. What was he doing here? Suddenly, the previous events of his night came back to him in a rush. He had let a complete stranger take him away… how long had he been out? What if Wes was looking for him?! He sat up straight, staring at the group like they were ghosts. Or maybe he was the ghost, he was sure he didn't fit in here anymore than he fit anywhere else.

          That was when he noticed their clothes. The most noticeable was the girl's, since she was wearing a pair of scandalously short shorts and a tight, black tank top, but the others weren't much better, all of them wearing tight and revealing clothes that would have been frowned upon in any situation, sans one. Even Shi's jeans and t-shirt were too tight and thin to be appropriate.

          `They're whores!' Duo thought, but it was out of excitement, not shock.

          In all of the years that Duo had lived with Wes, he had not met a single other prostitute. Yes, he had seen them on street corners and he knew that Wes had other boys like him, but he had never actually talked to any of them. This was different. These people… they were like him. They did what he did. They let strange men, maybe women too, fuck them just for some cash. If they knew he was like them… they wouldn't hate him or think he was dirty. He was just… one of them. He had never had that feeling before. He had known other street kids too, but he had never made a friend since… since Sunshine. He had learned very quickly that friends were never things that you gained, only lost, so what was the point of having them at all?

          Or at least, he had believed that then, but now… now he stared at these people and felt this weird little fluttery feeling in his chest. He watched as Shi stared at the Japanese boy.

           “You're right about one thing though, he's my responsibility. Though how the hell I'm going to find his parents so late at night, I'll never know…” Shi grumbled.

          “I can take care of myself!” Duo suddenly blurted out and swiftly shut his mouth just as quickly.

          The seven prostitutes looked over at him and Shi strode over to the bench.

          “You're awake, huh? How ya feeling?” he asked.

          Duo analyzed himself. To his amazement, though his butt still throbbed quite a bit, someone had cleaned out the wounds in his back and had bandaged the wound on his neck and both his knees.

          “Ok, I guess,” he murmured.

          “You're Duo, huh?” the shorter blonde asked.

          Duo nodded, taken aback when the boy walked up to him with a grin on his face.

          “Well, I'm Solo,” he introduced himself, “The chick's Amaaya, you've already met Shi. The twins are Alex and Aluxiel, Aluxiel's the one with the dye job. The redhead is Hi and the real quiet beauty over there is Yuki. Now what's a little kid like you doing out so late at night?”

          Duo frowned, hating being called a kid when he was twelve years old, just one year shy of being a teenager, hardly a little kid anymore. He almost missed the intense glares Alex and Aluxiel threw at Solo for being so chatty after what Shi had told them what had happened to Duo. Actually, the twins thought, the boy was taking the whole thing rather too well. Or at least, that was what Duo saw in their expressions. Shi had to have told them what had happened, and they to be thinking that his reaction to this whole mess wasn't natural. It was normal to be scared; he had been that first time…

          “You got any parents?” Shi asked, ignoring Solo's rambling questions.

          Duo shook his head.

          “Just Wes, but he's not my parent,” Duo said.

          “Well, where do you live?” Alex asked.

          “Park Street,” Duo replied, feeling a chill go up his spine, wondering if he should lie about such things.

          “Well, why aren't you there?” Solo asked, “What's a bitty kid like you doing out here, especially this area?”

          Duo had been fed up with the little kid talk the first time Solo had mentioned it and glared at him.

          “I'm not a kid, and I was out whorin', like all of ya!” he shot back.

          Solo stared back at him with wide eyes.

          “No way…” he started to protest.

          “That guy ya killed was my customer,” Duo turned his attentions to Shi.

          Shi, to Duo's confusion, didn't seem as shocked as Solo to hear he was a pro, his eyes just looked really, really sad in a way that made Duo want to cheer him up, if he only knew how.

          “I'm pretty sure he stopped being a customer when he tried to kill you,” Shi quipped.

          “He can't be a whore,” Solo said, still upset at the idea of the cute little boy having anything to do with their profession, though the kid's reaction to being raped did suggest he was either used to it, or he was in complete denial, “He's just a baby.”

          “ `m not a baby!” Duo pouted.

          Shi froze, staring at Duo like he had done something totally shocking. A deep darkness filled the taller boy's eyes, gaining the attentions of the rest of their group, and Duo. His fingers twitched as though he meant to reach out and hug Duo, but he kept them at his sides. Duo thought for a scary moment that the blonde might cry or something.

          “Shi?” Hi asked cautiously and Duo realized that the redhead knew what was going on more than the others did.

          Shi shook his head, breaking out of his thoughts.

          “What?” he shot at Hi, “He's not someone else's, but he ain't one of ours, either. Let's just walk him home already.”

          “You're just going to cut him loose, knowing what he does?” Solo snapped.

          Shi glared at him and Duo wasn't sure if he should try to placate them or take sides. He was definitely with Shi on this one. Wes was going to kill him for coming home so late, but he still had Olson's money, he had stuck it in the secret shirt pocket he had made, like he always did, so maybe he wouldn't hit him too hard tonight.

          “What do you want me to do?” Shi hissed, “Take him home with me? Tell him it's all ok now? Or maybe I should tell him the truth, that life sucks and we can barely feed ourselves? I'll tell you what I will do. I'm going to tell you that you can't save every kid that comes along and sometimes, all you can do is see them home safe.”

          Shi's eyes were a mix of rage and sadness, but Duo could tell that he wasn't angry at Solo, but at something else. Hi came up to Shi and placed a hand on the younger boy's arm, not to hold him back, but for comfort.

          “How about saving just one of them?” Solo prodded, but his voice was defeated, just as sad and torn as Shi's.

          “That's enough, Solo!” Hi snarled and the show of fury from someone who was usually so passive served to shut Solo up.

          The shorter blonde shot Shi a look of apology, which Shi seemed to accept, though no more words were exchanged between them.

          “Well, if we're just going to walk him home, we can at least give him some clothes,” Amaaya said dryly.

          Duo blushed darkly, remembering that there was a girl in the crowd. Fortunately, his shirt was long enough to cover everything from his upper thighs to his neck, so he didn't immediately die of embarrassment.

          “And what are you going to do about it?” Aluxiel asked as Amaaya ruffled through her bag of clothes.

          You never knew if a john preferred a redhead, a slut, or a catholic girl, so Amaaya, like any good prostitute, brought her wardrobe with her, just in case. When she pulled out a black skirt, Shi groaned loudly.

          “I know the kid is pretty enough for it, but you are not putting him in drag!” the red eyed boy whined.

          Amaaya shot him an annoyed look.

          “Have a little bit more faith in me, will ya?” she said in irritation.

          All of them blushed as the girl promptly unbuttoned her shorts and slid them down her long legs. Duo got a flash of skimpy panties before he looked down at the ground as quick as possible. Girls were so weird… He looked back up when he felt something fall on his lap. They were the girl's shorts.

          “You can put those on,” Amaaya told him.

          Duo dared to look over at her and saw she had put the skirt on. The hem of it was rough, like someone had torn it up, and Duo realized that that was how they had gotten bandages for his wounds.

          “Slut,” Shi grumbled at her display of undressing.

          “Bitch,” Amaaya quipped right back at him.

          Duo figured that they had to be pretty good friends to call each other those things and not get into a huge fight, but the two of them were grinning, so it had to be alright. While Amaaya was looking at Shi, Duo slipped the shorts on. They were way too big for him, but they would do for the walk home. When he looked back over at them, Shi and Amaaya had stopped sniping at each other, but Solo was looking at Shi like someone had killed his dog, or more like he had let down a parent or brother. Duo realized that, for reasons he didn't understand yet, Solo had truly hurt the other blonde with their fight and it made him feel bad, like he had caused a rift between the two boys, who were obviously very good friends.

          “It's not your fault,” Duo blurted out to Shi, “I know you can't help me.”

          Duo had meant to make his savior feel better, but it only seemed to make him look more depressed. When Shi smiled at him, it was small and weak, more like a mask than a real expression.

          “That doesn't mean I shouldn't try,” he said softly.

          “But if you did… you'd just get hurt, maybe even killed!” Duo protested.

          These people didn't know Wes, but he did. He imagined what would happen if these guys tried to help him in any way. No matter which direction he thought in, it only ended in the deaths of these new friends and himself. What would be the point in that?

          “You live with your pimp?” Amaaya asked, frowning.

          Duo nodded.

          “He lets me live with him. But he's dangerous. If he found out that you were trying to take me away from him, he'd kill you,” he informed them.

          Duo had thought that Shi would rub that in Solo's face, but he just looked like he had swallowed something especially bitter, like the fact that he couldn't help was worse than being accused of not wanting to help.

          “Well, it's getting late,” the tall blonde finally surrendered to the inevitable, “We should get you home.”

          Duo's nod was rudely interrupted when Shi swept him up again, making the child squeak in surprise.

          “What are you doing?!” he demanded shrilly.

          “Taking you home, what does it look like, shorty?” Shi teased.

          He had his arms around Duo's waist, making Duo feel like he was a cub in the jaws of lion, he wasn't sure if he was going to get eaten, or if he was in the safest place in the world. He realized that it would have been painful, but Shi was being careful, which only made the brunette feel funny inside.

          Amaaya rolled her eyes, but she was smiling fondly at her friend.

          “I'm not short!” Duo whined.

          “Well, not right know, you're not,” Shi said, pointing out that even at just chest level, Duo was pretty high up.

          Duo relaxed in Shi's grip, that feeling of trust coming over him again. He had never trusted anyone before, and with good reason. Even Sister Helen he had never trusted like this. But Shi was a whore, like him, and didn't hate him. He also hadn't looked at him like all of his customers did, and that meant a lot. Beyond that, Shi was strong, but kind, and Duo felt oddly safe with him. As the eight of them walked to Wes' apartment, Duo had to fight the urge to fall back asleep. There was just something about this blonde, about all of them, that lulled him out of his usual tight sense of caution. Their mere presence was soothing, because they understood each other. He felt that he could be around them and they wouldn't judge him for anything, because they understood what he was going through. Perhaps it was a childish feeling, but it existed inside of him nonetheless.

          “Here,” Duo ordered once he realized he was three blocks away from the apartment.

          “Are you sure?” Aluxiel asked, “You said Park Street.”

          “Here!” Duo demanded, anxious that they might contest this decision.

          To his surprise, Shi let him down.

          “Here it is, then,” he simply said, but Duo saw in his eyes that Shi knew exactly why he didn't want them near the apartment.

          “Thank you,” the twelve year old said, meaning a lot more than he was saying.

          “Any time,” Shi said with a grin.

          Solo stepped out of the small throng of people. He rubbed at his neck nervously, looking down at their newfound friend.

          “Look, I know I asked a lot of stupid stuff, and said some things that were a little insensitive-,” he said shyly.

          “Don't you always?” Alex teased.

          Solo glared at him, his look softening when he looked back down at Duo.

          “But if you ever need anything… or if you just want to hang out, we're always at the same corner. So… you know… you can stop by… if you want. People like us don't really stick up for each other all that much, but we consider you our friend, so you can look for us whenever you want to,” Solo offered.

          Duo's eyes widened at his words. He had thought of them as `friends', because Shi had saved his life, had shown him kindness, and he saw bits and pieces of himself in these seven prostitutes. Now, though, as he looked from person to person, he saw Solo's words echoed in their faces and that weird feeling inside of him exploded into something that he was far from ready to deal with.

          “Ok,” he said with a nod.

          Shi ruffled his hair like a brother would, but Duo didn't pout at his protective actions this time, only felt indulged by them and managed a smile.

          “See?” Shi grinned, “You're beautiful when you smile.”

          Duo blushed at the compliment and hurriedly walked in the direction of the apartment, feeling that, if he staid for too long, it would break something inside of him. He already didn't want to leave, and that was a bad feeling. Life was hard enough without wanting things… wanting was a bad thing, a thing that was impossible to destroy once you got it going. He told himself these things, but he still glanced back. When he saw Solo talking to Shi, looking very serious, probably apologizing for his previous behavior, Duo smiled and for a moment, he felt that he was happy.

          But that only made going back all the more painful.//

 

 End Part 20

 

 

 Author's Notes: 12/4: It's back! Yep, that's right, Nanowrimo is over, so here is the return of the Road to Kindness. It was actually quite hard getting back into it. I have short term memory issues and when I came back, I was like `did I really write that?' It didn't help that I stopped writing in the worst possible place ever (Wes' return). When I finished that last bit of Poisoned Memories, I thought, hey, 130ish pages is really good, and I felt kind of proud. Then I opened up The Road to Kindness chapter 7 and was completely floored. I had totally forgotten how freakin' long this chapter is! 630 pages? It shocked me for a minute and seemed to make PM kind of… insignificant.

 

You know what else is really weird? Writing PM when Shi is 9 and still innocent (yes, in comparison to how he is in this story, even after he was raped at age 9, he's still kind of innocent. Just wait until age 10 happens…) and then writing him in this flashback when he's 22 and so much has happened to him that he's pretty much lost all hope in his life. If you paid attention when Shi was introduced and have been following PM, you'll get why Solo's comment upset Shi so much.

 

If you are reading PM (and I thank you soooo much if you are), Shi's interaction with Duo, his being upset at Duo's remark of being treated like a baby, should be significant, as well as his rage towards Olson. In any case, it was kind of freaky how fast all of this came out as soon as I got back into the habit of writing it. Given the demands for updates, and my own high standards for this fic, it was really daunting to come back to this part and realize I was smack in the middle of a huge plot point. Having Wes come back is something I shouldn't have stopped at, but I had to.