Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Road to Kindness ❯ Surgery Part 23 ( Chapter 30 )

The Road to Kindness

Chapter 7

 

Author's Note:

 

Djargo: Once again, thanks for the review. The scenes between Shi and Duo are the exact reason why I'm hoping everyone is reading Poisoned Memories, otherwise there are a lot of things that don't make sense, like the baby thing or why Shi got upset when Solo told him that they should try to save people. If you're following PM, then you know that Shi's little brother often whined that he wasn't a baby. Shi feels so connected to Duo because Duo keeps reminding him of his little brother.

 

 

Part 23

 

 

Duo shot awake to the screaming of his heart monitor and was immediately disorientated. Where was Wes? He was dressed now, but the pain was still there. And the needle. The needle was still inside of him, not just one either, but more, a lot more. Fuck Wes and his fucking experiments, his needles and his drugs. His vision clouded with tears and he heard someone running into the room screaming his name, but he didn't care. Out, he had to get the needle out, then the pain would stop; then he could leave… he could find Heero, but the needles had to go. Duo didn't even realize how hard his heart had been racing, even with the warning beeps from the heart monitor, or how he had been thrashing until someone wearing pink tried to hold him down. He lashed out at them, feeling triumphant when his bare foot kicked the person in the stomach and sent them to the floor.

While he was unrestrained, Duo viciously started to rip out his IVs, not caring at the blood that was dripping down his arms. The needles were coming out, and that was what mattered. Suddenly, he was pinned again and he felt another needle go in before he could fight back, this time in his neck. No, he had to fight… he had to keep fighting… if he didn't, the darkness would come back. That darkness with the chains holding him down and the grey eyed monster that told him that he loved him. Heero… he needed Heero… he would take the needles out, he would make these people go away…

 

*****

 

The scene in Duo's hospital room was chaotic, even from Heero's vantage point in the hallway, running towards the doorway. Duo was thrashing weakly, trying to escape from various nurses' attempts to pin him to the bed and bandage his bloody arms. He wasn't moving very much, reminding Heero of what his mother had said about Duo being sedated. He was surprised that his friend wasn't out already. The sight of the blood on his pale arms made Heero run faster, his dream of a child Duo with blood poisoning running through his head like a train wreck. He heard his mother running just behind him, but didn't give her much mind. When Stark suddenly appeared in the open doorway, blocking his path to Duo, Heero snarled at the man, but Stark refused to move.

“We're handling this,” he snapped at Heero, annoyed that Heero had even been made aware of the situation.

“I need to see him,” Heero demanded.

“You're not allowed-,” Stark began.

“Fuck your rules!” Heero yelled, “He is terrified of this place, he needs someone with him, someone he trusts. Even if you sedate him, unless you let me in there, he's just going to keep freaking out!”

“Let my son see his friend, doctor,” Name's voice was chilling, her eyes like obsidian stones as she stared at Stark.

Stark felt all of his power vanish in the force of that stare and nodded shakily, moving aside so Heero could run to Duo.

“Heero will be staying with Duo for as long as he's here,” Name said coldly, “I expect you to accommodate him like last time.”

Stark bristled at Name's words, but didn't object. What could he possibly do against Name Yuy? He was a bug staring a tiger in the face; all he could do was nod and get out of her way as she dismissed him, standing in the doorway to look upon her young charge. Duo was already calm by the time she walked to his bedside, but he didn't seem to notice her, his eyes glazed from the mixture of drugs he had been given. The nurse that was fixing his arms gave Duo a nervous look, afraid he was going to lash out again. The kick he had given her earlier made her stomach throb, but his thrashing had been much more terrifying.

“I've only seen this reaction in psychotic patients,” she warned Heero.

If it were up to her, the boy would already be in the psych ward, but Heero glared at her, a glare that, unbeknownst to Heero, was identical to his mother's. He touched Duo's wrist in a loving caress of his hands.

“Ssh,” he soothed to Duo, who though was succumbing to the medicine, was still tense and looking around in fear.

To the nurse's amazement, the boy that she had been fighting with so hard finally settled completely and his heart rate went down. She had no idea who this blue-eyed boy was, but to calm this wild boy like that…

“He isn't crazy,” Heero said softly, though his voice was tinged with anger, his hand still on Duo's wrist.

“He should be admitted!” the nurse protested, “He ripped out all his IV's, he hurt himself, not to mention everyone that tried to calm him!”

“No!” Heero snapped at her, regretting his tone when Duo looked at him in shock, “No, he just had a bad dream.”

The nurse shook her head.

“Stupid kid,” she hissed at him, bustling out and not noticing the glare Name threw her.

Only one nurse remained and she gave Name an apologetic look, understanding who she was. Duo blinked up at Heero, as though he couldn't understand why he was there. Heero felt irritated at the drug-clouded look in his friend's eyes. How was he supposed to talk him down from his anxiety attacks if Duo wasn't even entirely there? What the hell had they given him? He looked over his shoulder as he heard Trowa, Wufei, and Quatre run into the room.

“Is he ok?” Quatre asked.

Heero looked back down at his friend, who was looking around him in a daze. He should look terrified after a dream that had made him hurt himself just to escape, but he wasn't. He was just looking… confused.

“No,” Heero murmured, “He isn't ok.”

“Heero, where am I?” Duo asked in loopy confusion.

“A hospital, we're taking care of you,” Heero said in a soft, affectionate tone.

He didn't mention Wes or being shot. If Duo couldn't remember at that moment, he certainly wasn't going to bring it up.

“What did you give him?” Heero snapped at the nurse, his tone turning harsher the second he wasn't talking to Duo.

“Just a sedative and a pain killer,” the nurse said defensively. “Something to help him sleep and deal with the pain. We couldn't give him anything fast acting because of his anemia and the blood loss, but he should fall asleep soon.”

“Well, he's having some sort of adverse affect from it,” Trowa noted, “He looks like someone who's sleep walking.”
“Please leave us,” Quatre said to the nurse kindly.

The nurse looked hesitant, but did as asked, scared at the air of the room and Heero's obvious anger. Once she left the room, Name and the boys clustered around Duo's bedside as a collective, protecting force. Duo didn't seem to notice any of them, staring at the medical bracelet that hung off his thin wrist.

“Another to add to the pile,” he murmured, scaring everyone at the airy sound of his voice, like someone who was talking in his sleep.

“You've just been here twice, Duo,” Trowa said cautiously.

“I want to be buried with them,” Duo said suddenly, “When I die… no, wait, not buried, I want to be burned with them. You'll do that right?” his cloudy, violet eyes moved to Heero.

Heero felt a thrill of fear go through them at Duo's wonderings. It was just like when he had been going through withdrawal. Was the past really repeating? He wanted to protest that Duo wouldn't die before them, he would see to that, but he nodded, remembering how it had been last time, how Duo had needed him to follow his line of reasoning, even if it was insane.

“Of course I will,” he promised.

Duo glanced back at the medical bracelet.

“I wonder if Yuki was cremated,” the longhaired boy mused.

Heero felt something go still inside of him. Yuki… he had heard that name before, more than once, but when? He couldn't remember…

“He would have liked that,” Duo continued to muse, “Yuki hated dirty things. He would have thought being buried was dirty. I hope he got what he wanted, even if he doesn't know… it wouldn't be fair, if you can't even get what you want when you die…”

“Duo…” Quatre said worriedly.

Duo seemed to not hear him, looking up at the ceiling with flat eyes.

“I hate this place,” he whispered, “Why does it have to be so scary?”

“Now Duo, don't be such a baby,” Quatre teased, trying to keep Duo's mood up, scared that the boy might have another panic attack, regardless of the drugs in his system.

“I'm not a baby!” Duo pouted, then froze, whispering, “I'm not a baby. He got so sad…”

“Who got so sad?” Wufei asked, struggling to follow the flow of Duo's words.

“He got so sad when I said I wasn't a baby… why would he look like that?” Duo wondered out loud.

The room fell into silence for several minutes, no one knowing what to say to their friend. Everyone realized that what Duo was saying really mattered to him, but they couldn't understand him.

“He was right,” Duo suddenly said, “I always knew that.”

“Who?” Heero asked.

He had a lot more luck with his question than Wufei. Duo looked at him again and his eyes were just a tiny bit clearer.

“Wes,” Duo murmured, “He said that we're entangled with each other and sooner or later I'll realize that, but he's wrong. I've always known that we were entangled. I've known that for a very long time. We'll always be entangled.”

Everyone in the room, even Name, shuddered at that. Heero grabbed Duo's hand when Duo's attention started to fade again.

“When will they go away?” Duo asked him, once again changing gears.

“What?” Heero asked, realizing that Duo was only really answering his questions.

Duo pointed to his stomach. Heero lifted the hospital gown just enough to see the broken blood vessels spread on Duo's stomach from the stun baton. Trowa hissed in sympathy.

“They should fade in a few days,” Wufei assured him and Duo finally met his eyes, making Wufei feel a lot better.

“Good,” he murmured, “They look weird.”

Trowa tugged on Heero's sleeve to gain his attention. His Japanese friend's blue eyes were filled with anxiety and Trowa didn't blame him.

“Was he like this the last time he was on sedatives?” the Italian asked.

It was a testament to how far gone Duo was that he didn't hear Trowa's remark. Heero shook his head.

“No, he…” then it clicked.

It was like two pieces of a puzzle falling into place. Heero looked back down at Duo, who was now fidgeting with his hospital bracelet like he couldn't sit still and Heero realized that the chestnut haired boy didn't dare to. He was being so stupid! He was letting his panic over Duo cloud his senses. The last time Duo had been on sedatives, he had been loopy and had said things that hadn't made sense, like now, but he hadn't been this… chatty. Or quite this out of character. If engaged in a conversation, Duo had said weird things, but only if prompted. Duo didn't want to fall asleep. He was chatting like that because he was scared and doing all he could to fight the sedative. His nightmare had been so bad that he had ripped out his IVs and now he was scared to fall asleep again. He felt like slamming his head against the wall for missing the obvious.

It was obviously a battle that he was losing with how Duo's eyes were half-lidded, but even Heero realized that his best friend should have been asleep by now. Duo couldn't stave it off forever, but denying himself sleep like this wasn't healthy. For what seemed like the millionth time, Heero cursed Wes. This was all his fault! If he hadn't showed up again… now Duo couldn't even sleep without fear that Wes would follow him into his dreams. And why not? The bastard had followed him everywhere else. Again he felt that anger, again he felt that urge to find the blonde shit and teach him what pain felt like, what hopelessness felt like. If Duo wasn't in the hospital right now, then maybe… but he wouldn't let that anger awaken here, because he knew that if Duo saw it, especially in his drugged up state, he would just think that it was directed at him and Heero would never let that happen. He touched Duo's shoulder lightly, feeling an odd burst of affection and something… hotter when he noted that Duo's hospital gown was too big on him and had slipped off that shoulder.

“It's ok,” he soothed.

Duo suddenly stopped babbling as he felt Heero's touch on his bare skin and heard his familiar, welcome voice. He looked up at his best friend with wide eyes, as though he was shocked to find him there. Heero wondered if Duo's attempts at not falling asleep were subconscious or conscious, if he was even aware of what he was doing or if the drugs were making his mind so messed up, he didn't understand.

“You can sleep,” Heero continued, “We'll make sure nothing happens to you.”

Duo went stock still, stiffened, then shivered a little. Heero realized that he really had hit the nail on the head and truly wanted to smack himself for his stupidity. Wes had just soundly proved to Duo that he could come for him at any time. He would even come for him in his nightmares. How could Duo possibly feel safe, drugged up with a bullet wound in his shoulder, completely vulnerable? Leaving him, despite his ideas that Duo would push him away, was probably not the smartest thing he had done. If Duo had pushed him away… he at least could have guarded Duo's sleep.

Heero really didn't think that Wes would make a move so soon, especially in a crowded hospital, but the only person who really knew anything about Wes was Duo, the one person who didn't want to talk about him. He couldn't predict what the man would do when, so far, he had done nothing but the unpredictable. They had assumed that Wes, the image of a cold, calculating thug that Duo had painted for them, would stay away from Duo as long as Name could prove a threat to Wes, but he had brazenly come after him. Maybe Boston had been logical, since Name was far away and Chris had claimed to have an alibi, but here? Duo's job wasn't exactly a tactical place to kidnap the longhaired boy. Hell, it wasn't tactical to kidnap Duo as long as Heero and Name were emotionally tied to him. Then, when Wes had claimed to love Duo, they had assumed that Wes wouldn't harm Duo, only to watch as the man shot him, merely to prove a point. How could they possibly know what he would do next?

“You'll stay?” Duo asked in a small voice that made Heero's heart clench.

Why had he left him in the first place? Just because he was scared of rejection? Before Boston, leaving Duo alone in a hospital room after being shot by Wes never would have even entered his mind, let alone the possibility that it was a good idea. The memories of Duo's last hospital stay, though seeming a very long time away, were still vivid in him. He remembered how scared Duo had been that time, even if Duo wasn't as in pain now, he knew the situation hadn't really changed. Right now, his best friend was as unsteady on his feet as he had been back then. He didn't even seem sure that he had his friends' support, or at least Heero's. Heero hated that wide-eyed, shocked look. Was their relationship so fucked up that Duo couldn't even believe that he would stick by him when he truly needed him? He had to fix this somehow. Even if he was a failure… Duo needed him, and if he denied him now… that was a failure he couldn't cope with.

“Of course I'll stay,” Heero assured him, giving Duo's shoulder a little squeeze, “As long as you need me, I'll always be here for you.”

That was what he should have told Duo before he had coldly left him to his nightmares in a strange, unfriendly room, he realized bitterly. What the hell was wrong with him? He never would have done this, he shouldn't have done this! Duo needed him and he had abandoned him, the one thing that he had sworn he would never, ever do. He just kept hurting him… and he didn't know what to do to fix it. The story of his life. He could be arrogant and think of himself as independent and strong, but when it really mattered, he never knew how to fix things.

It had just been a stupid dream, born of a mix of his stress over Duo's injuries, his guilt over leaving him alone and failing him once again, and his fear of hospitals, born from his father's death, but his father's words haunted him. Even if his father was just his own guilty conscience, had he been right? Was he letting Duo suffer, letting their friendship die? He had failed him and had thought that he was giving Duo what he wanted by distancing himself from him, but in reality, he was pushing him away. Did Duo even want that when, as soon as he was in trouble, he had reached out for him? Heero had truly believed that he was right, that this was the right thing to do. So why did it suddenly feel so wrong? Why, now, did his reasons sound like hollow excuses? He wasn't stupid. He knew that there was a reason far beyond his fear of hospitals that he had dreamed up his dead father.

He missed him. That feeling of… of loss and betrayal had created a deep bitterness inside of him at a young age, and it had only grown over the years. The bitterness had become loneliness and the loneliness had become pain and the pain had become rage. So, he had lashed out at anyone who could take the abuse; classmates, teachers, sometimes even his mother and friends, but never as passionately as everyone else. The only love that could compare to the love he had had for his father was what he felt for Trowa, Quatre, and his mother, so he had never really tried to hurt them. His refusal to talk about his behavior or his feelings towards his father's death had probably led everyone to believe that he was in denial, but Heero was well aware of the source of his actions.

Heero had loved his father deeply, purely, and absolutely, as only a child could for a parent, so when Heero had suddenly found him gone, stolen away from him in the night, a deep pain had consumed his heart. The funeral had been a testament to who Alexei Yuy had really been. As Name Yuy's husband, and the obvious father to her only child, Alexei had been popular with the media and anyone who wanted some sort of connection to the family, so his death had quickly become a circus. That time between his father's death and his funeral had been a very dark time for Heero and his mother.

His mother, usually a collected individual, had fallen apart, incapable of taking care of herself or her husband's funeral. All of her concentration had gone to taking care of her son, other than that, she had been a wreck. Sometimes, more often than not, when she had thought Heero was asleep or outside, he had heard her or caught her crying. It hadn't been little bouts of weeping, like a woman would cry after a break up, either. She had cried like an animal would after losing a baby, nearly screaming with her grief to the point that Heero really had been afraid she would break or even possibly die.

It had taken Heero years to realize that only real love could make a human being cry like that, like the crying was causing them physical pain. For a twelve year old boy who had never seen his mother cry before, it had been terrible. He hadn't seen her cry like that since, either. Instead of begrudging her weakness, his mother's obvious pain and grief had awoken a deep protectiveness in Heero. His mommy was all he had left, he realized, and he wouldn't let anyone hurt her. Maybe it was because he was so lonely and terrified from losing his Dad, he wanted to protect all that he had left, but it went beyond simple defensiveness. Even now, he protected his family and friends viciously, constantly terrified of losing them.

The calls had started to come in only two days after his father's death. The media hounds, desperate for an interview with him and his mother or demanding access to his father's funeral would have been hard enough to deal with, but the short amount of time infuriated both Heero and Name. Heero, himself, had felt that he just wanted the world to leave him alone when it simply refused to, and who knew what his mother had been feeling. She hadn't had the will at that point to deal with the media. Heero thought that she might have been able to deal with her husband's death better if those… assholes had just left them alone. Eventually, Name's stepmother had learned of her step-daughter's stress and Heero's grandparents had moved in with them to help her deal with the funeral and phone calls.

It was this witnessing of his mother's grief that had made her immune to Heero's bitterness and wrath, the understanding that he wasn't the only one that had lost something precious. Sure, at times he had acted like a shit to her, but never like he had with his teachers. As the years went on, his attitude and personality, when he was around his mother and friends, had gotten closer and closer to how he used to be, but how he was around other people had never gotten better. Well, until he had met Duo it hadn't…

Heero didn't remember much about those early weeks of grieving or the funeral. It wasn't necessarily something that he wanted to remember. Somehow his grandfather, a very powerful and respected man even after handing down his title to Name, had made sure that no one but an invited guest, a friend, or a family member to his son-in-law, would show up at the funeral. Heero hadn't understood how, back then, a single man could make something like that happen, it was almost like his grandfather had waved a magic wand. But he had still had faith in the man's power and sure enough, there had been no media present. Heero had always liked his grandfather, but in those moments, he had truly loved him.

Though Heero knew that his grandfather hadn't trusted his father at first, they had become good friends once Alexei proved he wasn't some dime a dozen slime ball who just wanted to marry into the most powerful family in the world. They had exchanged as many phone calls and e-mails with each other as Name did and his grandfather had tried hard to make his son-in-law's funeral as respectful as possible, as well as give his daughter as much support as he could. Heero just thought that his grandfather had been in as much shock as Name, having never thought that he might outlive his daughter's husband.

The funeral had been a true testament to his father's character. Though there had been no media present and many of the Yuy family had never trusted Alexei, the cemetery had been packed with people who had loved his father and had fond memories of him. For some reason, listening to their stories of his dad had soothed the pain in his heart a little, like their words had made his death seem all the more impossible and he might still be alive somewhere. But as wonderful as that thought was, at the end of it all, when everyone but his mother and him had gone home, Heero had only felt a deep, penetrating, cold emptiness. His father was dead and no number of happy memories would ever bring him back.

For the first time in his young life, Heero had had to face the very real possibility that the people he loved could abandon him. What was worse, there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. He hadn't liked that feeling one bit. For the first time in his life, Heero had felt like there was no one he could rely on. He became overprotective of his mother, Quatre, and Trowa, obsessed with the idea that they might leave him too, but at the same time, he became even more protective of his own heart. Losing his father had been the most painful experience of his twelve-year-old life and that pain had staid with him, vividly. So he had pushed everyone away. He had refused to speak to anyone about his father. He acted out and hid his true feelings deep inside, where no one could possibly reach them.

His father's death had hurt him so much because he had loved him so much. What if his best friends, his only friends, or even his mother died, too? He couldn't ever bear to go through that pain again. Well, it couldn't hurt if he wasn't so close to them anymore, right? So he had done the one thing, the only thing he could do to protect himself: he closed off his heart. It hadn't been very hard. Looking back on it, it scared Heero how easy it had been to nearly destroy his friendships. His mother, yearning for a fresh start, had moved them out of the home Heero had been born in and to one in Sanq, England. Heero had been terribly bitter about the move, but his memories of his mother's crying kept him from causing a huge fight. They had moved and it had been easy to turn his anger over his father's death and leaving the last place they had been together onto the others around him.

Because of the move, Quatre and Trowa hadn't been able to see him as often, which only made the emotional distance between them all the easier for Heero. Still, he had missed them, which had only fuelled that pain, that rage. At the end of it all, he had cannibalized himself. He had forced himself to become something else, someone else. That defensiveness and rage had eaten away at how he used to be, the boy that his father had loved and maybe that was the point. If he wasn't that person anymore, he couldn't hurt like that person did, he had rationalized. But, deep down inside, he had still hurt. He told himself that he had done it to protect himself, and that was partially true, but couldn't it also be true that he had done it to punish himself? Pushing the people he loved away didn't really dull the pain; it just pushed it deeper inside of him.

It was true that, sometimes, you could only see your mistakes, see how stupid you were being, when you were looking back on it. Back then, he had thought he was on top of everything. He was Heero Yuy, the hottest, toughest shit on the planet. Everyone said so, even the media, so it wasn't so hard to make himself believe it. And someone like him didn't let himself be pulled down by trivial things like friends. He could rise above it. He could get stronger. Who cared if that so-called “strength” was a lie and just blinded him from the truth; the truth of how the world worked and the truth of what he really needed? If he hadn't pushed everyone away, he never would have let someone like Relena get so close to him.

That was one mistake that was so blatantly obvious now that Heero blamed himself for it more than her. He hadn't been able to admit it to himself until now, but back then, he had been so lonely, so completely conflicted between pushing his two best friends away and needing them more than ever. Relena had been just as pompous and stubborn as him, completely immune to his attitude, but in a way that only pissed him off further. Most of all… she was safe. Relena had never met his father, had never met Heero before he had moved, so she had taken him at face value. When she had started hanging around, Heero had thought that there was no way he would get close to a girl like her. That had been his first mistake, thinking that it was inevitable that she would fade away when he showed no interest in being friends with her.

Heero had never even considered the possibility that Relena might wear him down, but it happened rather quickly. His second mistake was not realizing his own loneliness. He had thought he could cope with his friends only showing up a couple of times a month; he thought that he could live the life of a lone wolf. Then Relena had shown up and Heero's heart had started to ache. In that desperation, he had let her in, despite his knowledge that his mother really didn't like the girl. It was in Quatre and Trowa's absence that, somehow, Relena had replaced them. He had never meant for it to happen, or at least, not consciously, and there were strong feelings that he had for the Arab and Italian that Relena had never been able to compete with, but she had been there.

Maybe it was the presence of those still unbreakable bonds of friendship that had made Relena demand that he not see his friends when they had gotten engaged. That had been his third mistake, thinking that he was so infallible that an engagement with his then best friend couldn't possibly affect him in any sort of negative way. His fourth was in trusting Relena at all. He had let her so close to his heart, without even realizing it, until she had brutally betrayed him. Her mere existence as his crazy fiancé had seemed like a testament to why he should be close to anyone. In the end, he had believed that everyone would just cause him more pain. But now, looking back at his failed engagement and friendship, Heero could see that Relena's obsessiveness should have woken him up to the fact that he needed his friends, his real friends.

Even through his remaining feelings for Relena, Heero knew that Quatre and Trowa had always been his best friends. Even after all the crap he had pulled, they had remained loyal to him, something that he could never say about Relena. If he had listened to them, instead of acting like such a pompous ass, Relena never would have existed in his life and Heero never would have been left wondering if he deserved Relena's craziness, if he was destined to never be happy with another person. He could easily look back on all of that and see how lonely he had been. In that time when he had thought he couldn't possibly feel the pain of loss anymore, he had felt it more than ever.

Heero briefly glanced over at Trowa and Quatre, who were standing so close that their shoulders were touching, and had to fight the desire to walk over to them and hug them tightly. He had moved all the way to America and they had still followed him. Their mere presence showed him how much pain he had been in without them, and how much he needed them. He had been an idiot to think that he could go his entire life being alone. Even when he pushed them away, they gravitated back to him.

It was the same with Duo, Heero realized with shock. They were both pushing away from each other so strongly, but here they were, inches apart, connected as though by some powerful, invisible force. In a moment like this, Heero wondered if it was even possible to separate himself from the people he loved or if they would be forever searching for him, no matter how far he ran. How could he ever think that Relena was an acceptable replacement for this, this warm feeling in his chest whenever he saw his friends?

He wondered, definitely not for the first time, how he and Duo had found themselves in each other's lives. Heero had gone to America, firmly believing that not only shouldn't he make friends with anyone, but that it was impossible. Relena had taught him that it was better to be alone. Even those that weren't close to him couldn't be trusted. Besides, the girl hadn't been able to compare to Quatre and Trowa and she had been descended from royalty, a beautiful gem in a sea of dirty coins. But compared to her, compared to most of the people he had met, Quatre and Trowa were just… special. They were bright, kind, talented, intelligent, and brimming with life. How, Heero had thought on the plane ride over, how could he ever find someone like that in no man's land?

And yet… he had. He had found that and so much more. It was kind of funny actually, in an ironic sort of way. He had come to this country expecting to not find anyone and he had met that someone his very first day. And Duo had been in a much worse spot than him. Bullied and neglected by his classmates and victimized by a man who was not only cruel and perverted, but also a criminal who had no qualms about killing people. Was it any surprise that Duo's only friends ever were also prostitutes? Add in his childhood as a homeless orphan and it was no wonder why Duo had never tried to make friends with his classmates. Heero didn't know what was more likely, Duo being afraid of a new friend, being hurt by Wes, or him being afraid of getting hurt by that friendship.

When he thought about it, their relationship was literally miraculous. Neither of them had wanted friends in their lives, but Heero thought that their reasons were exactly the same, fear. Maybe the reason why they had connected so quickly was also the same, they were lonely and desperate. He tried to imagine what life had been like for Duo before they had met and had to stop because it was too painful. Duo had been so hostile when they had first met and Heero didn't blame him one bit. Duo had had enough to deal with and here came this… this punk, hitting on him and acting like an arrogant jackass. What had Duo said to him? Something about the world not revolving around him and that he was going to learn that sooner or later.

He had learned that all right, he had learned a lot since then, like that he didn't have the corner market on pain and loneliness. To live in a place like that, with a man who beat, raped, and belittled you every day, never sure if you were going to get to eat, or if your `caretaker' might shoot you dead… If Hell existed, Duo was intimately acquainted with it. He had lived in Hell most of his life. And when he had finally gotten a chance to escape it for a few hours, he had met Zechs. He had had no friends outside of that hell, not a single kind hand, not one person who wanted to protect him. Just thinking about that kind of living conditions made Heero feel the need to latch on to something, and Duo had spent his entire life in that state. What the fuck did Heero Yuy know of pain and loneliness in the face of Duo's own agony?

If Duo could hear Heero's thoughts, he would berate him and tell him something like life wasn't a competition and one person's pain wasn't any worse than another's; pain is pain, but when Heero compared his father's death to Duo's lifetime hardships, they never added up. A spoiled brat, throwing a temper tantrum because he had finally realized that he had no control over his life and a shy, street kid turned forced prostitute with seemingly no future… Their relationship was like two archers, standing miles apart, letting lose their arrows on the darkest night and having those arrows hit each other at their tips. Something like that was so random, but at the same time, so very perfect. It was something that seemed utterly impossible, but here they were.

How had it happened? Duo had obviously been so hungry for stability and human companionship that he had been able to find what he needed in Heero and his stable life, but why had he sought Duo out himself? Had it just been because of curiosity and lust or had it been something else, a need deep in his heart? He could think about it for the rest of his life and not pull out all of the things he saw in Duo that had started his life up again. Because that was what he had done in his father's absence, he had stopped frozen, and now, with Quatre, Trowa, Duo, and even Wufei so close to him, he felt like he was finally moving forward.

Then Boston had happened and it felt like everything was at a standstill once more. He had thought that he had cannibalized himself, that he had eaten everything he had been as a child, but in reality, all of that was still inside of him, just hiding away for the right person to bring it out and that was exactly what Duo had done. He had woken his heart up, not just in the love he had for Duo, but the violet eyed boy had opened his eyes to the potential in others. He had spent so very long in the dark, looking at people in distain, calling them stupid and simple and irrelevant in his mind, allowing himself to be clouded by what the world thought he should be and how he should act. Someone belonging to a powerful family couldn't ever bother with `common' people. But then he had met Duo, who was poor and hurting and a nobody even in the eyes of common people.

Duo had shown him that what other people thought of you was often incorrect and if you acted like they wanted you to act, you were just living a lie. Before coming to America, if Heero had met a boy like Wufei, he would have punched his lights out. Now, he was friends with him. It wasn't an accident, or just because Duo had decided to be friends with him. Even when he had wanted to hit Wufei for coming on to Duo, he had seen the Chinese boy's honor, the brightness inside of him, because he had seen it in Duo, too. He had so much to thank the longhaired boy for… he had saved him, had reached him where no one else could have, maybe because Heero had never expected him to. He had snuck up on him.

Was it any real surprise that Heero had dreamed of his dead father? He wasn't a complete idiot; he knew what the dream meant and why his father had been in it. To him, his father was his greatest failure, the most painful moment in his life. Boston, like the death of his father, had shown Heero how helpless he was and he hated that. He had rationalized that he had failed Duo, and Duo had to hate him for that, so he should distance himself from him. Really… wasn't this reaction the same exact one as when his father had died? Almost losing Duo had been so painful… it was strange, Duo hadn't died, but at that moment when Chris had almost slit his throat wide open, the pain had been more overwhelming than at his father's funeral… just that possibility of losing Duo. It had felt like his heart would be torn apart.

He was distancing himself from the people he loved again, this time Duo, the one person he never wanted to do that to. And he knew where that road led because he had walked its entirety before. Just more pain and loneliness… like an endless circle. And this time, he wasn't just letting himself down, he was also letting Duo down, which was a thousand times worse. Duo needed him to make him feel safe and Heero was pushing him away. Hadn't all those weeks passed with him wishing that Duo would give him some clue that he still needed him? It was pointless, really. Even as he was pushing his best friend away, the second Duo reached out for him, Heero had come running back.

But it was terrifying the way Duo had complete control of him without even realizing it. He was so hung up on his father that whenever he got close to this sort of feeling, he ran away. But his father, real or not, was right. In his effort to keep hanging on to his father and reliving that fear, he was letting Duo down when he needed him most. Instead of staying by Duo's side, where he belonged, he had let that fear consume him. He never should have done this… not just leaving him when he was sleeping in this damned hospital bed.

When Duo had flinched from him in that hotel room, he should have grabbed him as tightly as he could and told him that everything was going to be ok. Even if he hated Heero, he would be there; he would always be there when he needed him. Instead, he had sent Duo the message, loud and clear, that that flinch was fine, that this distance between them was not only fine, but wanted on both sides and it wasn't, not really. Even if the distance was safe, Heero couldn't retreat to it like he had in the past because more than anything, he wanted to be with Duo. He loved him, why would he ever want to be apart from him? Just the sight of the boy he loved lying in that bed, his shoulder wrapped in bandages, made him sick with worry. It should have made him want to run, just like before, but he was overcome with the desire to hold Duo to him, as closely as he could. He wanted to touch his skin and breathe in every inch of him until the world fell apart. He wanted to feel his heart beat, like he had every time Duo had needed him to hold him or sleep with him to keep the bad things away.

Heero dared to brush his knuckles over Duo's cheek while he was too drugged up to question it and wrapped his fingers around the shorter boy's hand.

“I'll always be here,” he repeatedly with conviction. “No matter what you need, I'll be here. I promise. I'm not going to leave you ever again.”

Quatre's breath hitched in his throat at Heero's vow. Back in Boston, Trowa had been so upset about the promises they had broken to Duo and Quatre was sure that Heero had been even more upset about it, but here he was, making another promise that he didn't know if he could keep, just to make Duo feel better… did this mean…

Duo's clouded eyes looked up at Heero in shock at his words and some sense finally came to him. All the conflicting feelings in his head and heart about Wes and Heero and Name silenced themselves and he could only hear Heero's promise. He would always be here… but Heero hated him, didn't he? And yet the touch of their hands together was searing hot and piercing, erasing any doubt, the way that Heero's touch, and only his touch, could. If he hated him, then why was he here now? Why, when Duo had reached out to him, had Heero held him and tried to comfort him? And did it matter? Heero's hatred would hurt, but just the thought of him leaving him again filled him with an intense fear that he hadn't felt since their very first fight, where Heero had struck him. He needed him… he couldn't do this, couldn't face Wes without Heero.

If it weren't for Heero, for this strange, incredible love he felt for him, he never would have run away from Wes in the first place. Somehow, Heero had given him the courage to finally stand up and say no to the man, even if he couldn't bear to do it to Wes' face. And when he had returned today, he had found that strength again, not only to say no, but to actually attack Wes. For the first time in his life, he had this strength, he felt like his own person. And he loved that feeling, was addicted to it.

“Heero,” he whispered, his voice suddenly raspy, “I-I'm sorry.”

`Sorry for everything,' he thought, `I put you in danger again, I put everyone in danger and all I can think of is how happy I am that you're here. Wes is out there somewhere and I want to cry for joy that you stuck around…'

“Don't apologize,” Heero soothed, stroking Duo's bangs, “You're safe now. I won't let him get to you. Just sleep.”

Almost as if on command, or he was just that tired, Duo's eyes slid closed and his breathing seemed to ease for awhile. Name let go of her own sigh of relief. She was surprised that Duo had even had the energy to fight the sedatives for that long. She understood that the hospital had a policy to sedate patients like Duo, who had frequent panic attacks, especially when they tried to rip out their IV lines. It seemed like such a shocking, violent act, but considering Duo's intense fear over needles, it was one that Name could understand. She just wished that Dr. Stark had asked her permission before shooting him up with more drugs. Part of Duo's fear came from a history of a total lack of control. Wes had used drugs to make Duo even more of a victim and Duo's body and mind remembered that lesson far too well.

Sedating him hadn't made Duo less anxious, it had made his condition so bad, he was terrified of falling asleep. It was her own fault, really. As soon as she could, she was going to have Stark make a little note in Duo's file that he should never be given sedatives unless she authorized it first. It was a fair thing to say that Name Yuy was not happy at all. Her son's best friend had been shot by the craziest man in this state, who was admittedly stalking and threatening, not only Duo, but her son and his other friends. Heero was probably going to worry himself to an ulcer, and just to tip the scales, she was fighting with ignorant hospital personnel at every turn.

And didn't it just say everything that, right now, she was more worried about Duo than her own kid? Of course she was worried about Heero, how could she not be? Wes seemed to have singled him out, like he had a personal vendetta against him. The bastard had tried to kill Wufei too, just for showing up. It was like everyone that Duo knew, everyone he was friends with, was suddenly in danger. When Trowa had told her the entire story, she had been shocked to hear that Wes had confessed to loving Duo. She didn't know what was more startling, that such a man could feel love for a child that he had terrorized, or that he had claimed to love him and then had shot him, just to make Heero feel bad.

He had tried to kill Wufei, and if they hadn't ganged up on him and had kept him occupied, Name was sure that Wes would have tried to kill Quatre and Trowa, too. The man seemed to have absolutely no morals against killing a bunch of teenagers, for little more reason than they were in his way. But Name knew that her son and Duo were the two that were in the most danger from Wes. Wes had only tried to kill Wufei, but he had mercilessly teased and bullied Heero with his inability to protect Duo, something that seemed more serious to Wes than simple murder. To take such time when he could have just shot them all dead told her that the man had taken a personal interest in Heero.

So, yes, of course she was worried about Heero, she would be a terrible mother if she weren't, but as a business woman, she was practical and could never ignore the basic facts. Any man who could claim to love a person so much, and then shoot them was clearly crazy. And Wes was far more than a garden variety, crazy stalker. If she believed in such a thing, she would call him evil. The actions of a crazy person were unpredictable. They could consider what Wes was likely to do for years, but they would never be able to come up with anything close to accurate. So far, reason had failed them. They had thought that Wes would stay away as long as Duo wasn't alone, but that had turned out completely wrong.

For all she knew, Wes would storm the hospital tonight, anything could happen. But there was still something that she knew he would do with absolute clarity. Wes was coming for Duo. He was coming for what he perceived as `his', and he wouldn't stop until he got it, or they stopped him. She didn't know what he would do after that, but she was terrified for Duo's safety. It wouldn't just be a case of Wes failing or succeeding in kidnapping Duo, either. Just by showing up again, Wes had done untold damage to Duo's heart and emotional state. Whatever doubt Wes had instilled in Heero's heart wasn't anything like the agony in Duo's that had started growing since the moment Wes had raped him. Just his mere existence in Duo's life was causing the teenager immense pain.

Name wouldn't stand for it. She had promised Duo a chance at a normal life, a future devoid of loneliness and degradation. She had sworn that he would be safe. She wouldn't have that bastard make her a liar, not to this boy that had somehow made his way as deep into her heart as her own child. No… it was more than that… just calling Duo her son's friend wasn't fair. When he had needed a mother, she had been there for him and she had resolved to give him whatever he needed to become whole again. Saying that he was like a son to her didn't cut it. He was.

She would protect him. No matter what happened, no matter what cruel thing Wes pulled, she would be there, not just because she had promised Duo, but because she loved him. He deserved peace for once in his life, but as long as Wes was breathing, she didn't think he would ever get it. Even if they caught Wes and put him in a maximum security prison for the rest of his days, Duo wouldn't feel safe. The way that Duo made Wes sound, he had enough connections to make sure that, sooner or later, he would break out. He might not even get convicted. That scared Name the most. It was the sole reason why she hadn't called the cops months ago. She had promised Heero that they would involve the police once Duo had settled and gotten better, but the more Duo told them about Wes, the more she had realized that it wouldn't be that simple.

If Wes was as connected as Duo said, it would be foolish of her to assume that he didn't have someone in the police on his payroll. At first, she had just been concerned about the police learning about Duo because he would be sent to an orphanage or foster home, or worse, be hidden away as a witness just because he had lived with that monster. Duo had told them once about Wes shooting a fellow drug dealer in front of him when he was younger. That there might be other incidents like that in Duo's memory that he hadn't told them about chilled Name to the core. It was a testament to how much she loved Duo, that she was shaken and protective over his memories, things that she had no ability to change or save him from.

Name was now less worried about Duo being taken to an orphanage and being lost in a system that didn't care what happened to him. He had been with them long enough that he had easily proven how he had grown and changed under her care. Since he had been released from the hospital and had gone home with them, Duo had gained weight, hadn't missed anywhere near as many classes as he had when Wes had been putting him through the wringer, and he had gotten a decent job. Better yet, she had the money and resources to help take care of Duo and give him a future. Even if Duo was taken by the police and shuffled to some orphanage, with no one else to contend her guardianship, Name would win the right to be his foster parent easily. What she was more worried about was some crooked cop taking Duo away from her with a bullshit excuse like witness protection or prostitution if Name asked for their help in taking care of Wes, only to have them deliver Duo into the lion's jaws.

Still, bribing Stark to go against his rules and not call the cops because they had a gunshot victim left a bad taste in her mouth. She didn't know if it was because letting the cops know that Duo was in trouble was the right thing to do or because of how ready Stark was to take her money and how easy it had been to get people to do the wrong thing, but the whole process, though it was probably best for Duo, seemed wrong to her. Her morality screamed at her to bring Wes to justice, to call the police and tell them everything, but her common sense refused to risk it. Wes was coming for Duo, that was true, but she wouldn't deliver him to the bastard by making such a foolish mistake. There was that cut throat, vindictive part of her that seethed at the thought of anyone hurting one of her own and that part was excited at the idea of meeting Wes one day, and all the things she would do to him.

Nowadays, it seemed like there was absolutely nothing she could do. It wasn't a feeling that she could easily accept. She wanted Duo and Heero safe, but she didn't want to betray herself in order to do that. She already knew that, if it came to an assault against Wes, they, whether it was the police, herself, or the boys would have to kill him. Locking him up wasn't good enough anymore, not for her, but at the same time, Name Yuy was no killer. Her grandfather had been protected by a series of assassins who had readily taken out those out to attack the Yuy family at his command, but it was a practice that her father had been disgusted by. She could get a hit on Wes, but that did a lot more than leave a bad taste in her throat.

If she was doing this for Duo's sake, she had to play by the boy's rules and what he wanted. To kill the man that was stalking Duo would lower her in his eyes, and she couldn't have it. Because when all of it was said and done, she needed his respect and his love for her. She wouldn't take those things away from him by murdering someone. In Duo's eyes, someone who took another's life was lower than anything. She almost felt the same way, though she thought that a man who could rape a child was worse. Still, Duo deserved justice, not vengeance, and she had no right to take that away from him. She would have to keep doing what she had been doing, paying professionals to keep a look out for Wes, to keep tabs on him. Of course, that hadn't been working so well. The man was like a ghost and Name felt like she was doing more, especially now with him lying in this hospital bed and looking so pale and pained, even in his sleep.

“You know,” Trowa said with a deep chuckle that dissolved the somber mood of the room, “We really should start to ask for rooms with two beds in them whenever Duo comes here.”

His emerald eyes were fixed on Heero, who was still holding Duo's hand and watching him intensely as the longhaired boy slept. Heero turned his head to glare at the taller boy.

“What is that supposed to mean?” he snapped at him.

“Well, this is becoming something of a habit, isn't it?” Trowa teased, “Every time Duo gets hurt, you stay by his side like a loyal dog. At least this time he won't be here long enough that we'll need an extra bed for you.”

Heero felt that he should argue about the loyal dog bit, but it was the truth. Even when he and Duo were having problems, the second his best friend was hurt or needed him, he was by his side in seconds, unable to leave him out of fear that something would happen in his mere absence. Even now, though Duo wasn't as hurt as he had been back then, he felt the intense urge to not leave his side. He knew that Duo wasn't in any real danger from his bullet wound, but still… there was a darkness deep in his heart that screamed at him not to leave him. Once again, Heero wondered how he had been able to abandon him before, when now it seemed so impossible.

“We'll get some chairs,” Quatre said, dragging Trowa out of the room in hopes that Heero wouldn't deck his boyfriend for his teasing.

A nurse gave the two lovers a weird, confused look when they stopped her in the hall and asked for five chairs, but helped them find ones that were much more comfortable than the two in Duo's room that neither of them wanted Heero sitting in for over twelve hours. She even helped them lug the chairs to the room and set them up before bustling off again. Almost immediately, Heero set up his chair and sat next to Duo's bedside. Wufei watched all of this, feeling like a fly on the wall, or a big piece of furniture that was useless and just in the way. He looked down at his watch. His parents had wanted him to be home early tonight so he could start dinner before his father got home, but the thought of leaving right now made him feel uncomfortable.

Should he even go home at all? Duo had been shot and Wufei had almost died. He would have died had it not been for Duo's courage. And he had repaid him by failing to shoot Wes. It seemed horribly wrong to just… leave him here. What if Wes attacked him again? He felt like he owed the violet eyed boy that much, to stay here and protect him. But at the same time, it was taking every inch of his will not to shake with what had just happened. His pride screamed at him to find some place quiet and solitary, while his honor as a friend screamed back that Duo's needs were more important right now.

“Wufei,” Name said, almost loudly in the silent room, “I can take you home now.”

The Chinese boy's back stiffened. Dammit, but that woman was creepily perceptive. It was no wonder why the magazines called her the sharpest, most efficient leader that the Yuy Corporation had had in over three generations. He hadn't met Heero's grandfather or great grandfather, but his mother intimidated the hell out of him, especially when it seemed like she was reading his mind.

“I… I think I should stay,” Wufei said hesitantly, “Duo-,”

“Rubbish,” Name waved away his concerns, “Duo is fast asleep and won't even notice that you've left. He'll wake up in a few hours and will probably feel much better about himself if you lot aren't here. It will make him feel less guilty and pathetic. I doubt Wes will try anything tonight and if we need you, I have your number. It makes no sense to have you, Trowa, and Quatre hang around here, doing nothing. Duo's life isn't in danger and Heero and I will stay here.”

“She's right,” Quatre said, looking at Duo mournfully. “Besides, they had to cut Duo's shirt to get at the wound, so we need to pick up some clothes for him for tomorrow anyway.”

“And breakfast,” Trowa added, “Duo might not be a picky eater, but a decent breakfast, instead of rotten hospital food, will lift his spirits.”

And suddenly, Wufei realized that they were all worried about the same thing. Duo's injury hadn't really been that bad. Though he had had to have a blood transfusion and very minor surgery, he had been hurt worse in Boston with his anal injuries and dehydration, and he had gotten through that without any help from a hospital. Though a cut on the neck, some bruises, and sexual trauma didn't seem as bad as a bullet wound, it had been his emotional state and shock that had made that time so bad. That was what they were worried about now. Though Duo was healthier than before, in that he wasn't hungry or thirsty, seeing Wes again had to be more traumatic for him than seeing Chris.

He could see it in Quatre and Trowa's eyes as they looked at their sleeping friend. What if Duo had a massive panic attack, even worse than the one a little while ago, and he made himself sick? Before meeting Duo, he had never thought that such a thing would be possible, but he had seen it happen to his friend before. He would be perfectly fine, then one of his attacks would hit and he'd become a wreck. He didn't think that it could be avoided this time, and he didn't know how bad it was going to be, but it was going to be bad. Duo's worst nightmare couldn't come to life and not have some intense consequences on him, on all of them. Name patted her son on his shoulder, barely gaining his attention.

“I'll drive everyone home, but I'll be back soon. Do you need me to grab anything from the house?” she asked.

Heero shook his head.

“There's nothing I need,” he murmured, seeming to be in another world.

“I'll leave your car… just in case,” Name said in a deeply somber tone.

Her words seemed to reach Heero and his eyes cleared, becoming sharp and focused. The mother and son shared an intense look and Quatre felt a chill go down his spine and settle in his stomach. She was saying… she was telling Heero that she was leaving the car because if Wes came, or anything else happened, Heero was going to have get Duo out of here. The thought of Heero taking out all those IVs and smuggling Duo, still drugged up and only dressed in a hospital gown, out of this crowded building and into his car under some… some assault made him shiver. He suddenly understood Wufei's hesitance to leave. In the face of that intense, shared look, it seemed wrong to leave Heero and Duo alone, even if Name was going to join them shortly.

“I understand,” Heero said gravely.

Trowa noticed the same thing that Quatre had, but he didn't feel as afraid as his lover. If Wes did indeed come for Duo, Heero would see to it that he would be safe. Heero would do anything for the longhaired boy's safety, and Trowa trusted him to do what he had to in their absence. Name kissed Heero on the cheek, which he took without a glare of annoyance, and Quatre smiled softly as she did the same thing to Duo, watching as she bent down and whispered something in his ear. Whatever it was, when Name stood up, she was smiling fondly.

Heero heard them file out and the door close behind them. He sighed, but he wasn't quite sure if it was out of relief or regret. As grateful as he was to have some alone time, away from the prying eyes of his friends and mother, the hospital room suddenly seemed so empty and cold at their absence. He hated the beeping of Duo's heart monitor just as much as he had last time. It was a great way to tell if Duo was stressed, but it just reminded him that his best friend wasn't well. He ran a shaky hand through his thick, unruly bangs. This was all so fucked up. He had thought, they had all thought, that when Wes had shown his face, they would take him out, they would give Duo both the peace of mind and revenge that he deserved. Instead, Wes had not only gotten away relatively unhurt, but Duo had been shot.

They had failed spectacularly. Hell, the only one who had managed to seriously hurt Wes had been Duo, the one person who shouldn't have had to fight, not with those mental blocks of his. But, he also couldn't help but being immensely proud of him for doing it. Duo had been turned, literally, into a slave by Wes, and Duo had always claimed he could never fight against the man, but he had. When the people he loved had been in danger, Duo had fought and he had saved them. Duo might hate violence, but he clearly had no qualms about protecting what he loved. Heero tightened his grip on Duo's hand.

“I'm sorry,” he said out loud, “I failed you again. I… I keep failing you. If it weren't for those cruel things I had said, you never would have run away from school. If I hadn't taken so long to find you, I could have saved you before Wes had chained you up. I should have stopped Wes and Zechs from hurting you, long before you ran away. All the clues were there, I just didn't want to see them. If it weren't for me and my past, Relena never would have sent those boys after you. In Boston… in Boston I should have found a way to save you, but I didn't. I should have stopped him from raping you, but I… I was just so helpless. I can't do anything. I don't even know how to protect you!” Heero's voice hitched and a tear went down his cheek, “I love you so much, but I'm useless. I'm so stubborn and arrogant, but in the end, you're the one who gets hurt and I keep failing you.”

He pressed his face to Duo's shoulder, his tears spreading through the flimsy material of his hospital gown.

“I just want to protect you, more than anything. I want you safe and happy. But no matter what I do, you just keep getting hurt. And I'm the one who hurts you the most. I hit you, screamed at you, because I was consumed by my own selfishness and need to protect myself. I should have been thinking of you and your pain, but I refused to look at you, I just lumped you in with everyone else that hurt me. And now… now I didn't even mean to hurt you, but I couldn't take my own failure and I pushed you away,” Heero's voice was thick with tears.

“Please… forgive me…” he begged.

The sound of his voice echoed in the room and quickly faded away into silence.

 

 

End Part 23

 

Well, this part was painful. Not a whole lot happened, forward motion wise, but some feelings and emotions and thoughts finally got out there. And at least Heero's starting to realize the motives behind his actions, so I got something accomplished. As some of you know, my computer crashed after I wrote this part and several measures were being taken to rescue it from the ruined hard drive. Those attempts were unsuccessful. I learned of this last Wednesday, so it only took a week to rewrite those thirty pages, but it was pretty painful.

 

In comparison, the original version of this part got farther with the same amount of pages. In other words, I added more in this… revision. I actually think I like this version better, so it wasn't all bad, just massively frustrating. Unfortunately, there is a bit more before the end of Chapter 7 (still three pages of notes), but I'm slowly hacking away at it. I used to be optimistic about it, but it wore me down. I just keep adding more and more notes.

 

For those actually reading it, Poisoned Memories will be updated as soon as my beta is finished with the part I just sent her.