Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Sea in I ❯ XX ( Chapter 20 )

Unbeta'd

Warnings: Angst, death, dark, violence, hints of NCS (not descriptive) and Mpreg in this chapter, then some dub-con in a later chapter. Some definite triggers for rape and trauma of miscarriage so use caution in reading…

 

Pairings: 1x2/2x1, and the pen dabbles around a bit

 

AN: Thank you guys for reading and reviewing!! *hugs ya all* there is a foreseeable end ^_^ we're about 6 chapters away.

Doing some tweaking.

 

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Disclaimer: I don't own any of the sexies in Gundam Wing AC, I just love to help them live a little.
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XX

 

At first, all he could recall were blurs of feeling and sound. The sound being mostly labored breathing and the other, a sickening feel of wrongness. He wanted to block it out and he did unintentionally as shock dimmed his awareness. He felt himself being lifted then moved. His head rolled away from the shoulder he laid against and lolled to the side where the bed came into blurry focus. They were moving away from it, but the bedding was dark and sodden as if someone had been murdered there. He saw the blade among the stained and rumpled sheets and memory - feeling made it all come back again. He forced it back and let himself fade into the numbness while his eyes remained open, seeing nothing.

 

Duo blinked and saw a boy, a young healer at his side. He watched the boy fumble with things, his face pale and stricken. There was an angry red mark across one cheek and his lip was split at the corner where the bruise was the reddest. Duo smiled in a detached sort of way because he knew the sound of the boy getting hit was what had roused him. He felt something reach from deep inside him pull at the boy's very being. The boy drooped where he sat and struggled to hold himself up using the edge of Duo's bed. Duo frowned, the boy's fear, confusion and pain made his chest tight. He didn't know why or how he could feel him, but it was nauseating.

 

On his next wobbly breath, Duo squeezed his eyes shut and wished it would go away. He shuddered, his chest tight but lighter as the feeling dissipated and he was left alone with his own emotions. Duo blinked at the realization that the boy was only a healer. He couldn't understand the disappointment that followed that discovery when to him it meant the boy could leave eventually and wouldn't have to suffer too much or fear being hunted for what he was. He didn't want to bring anyone into a world like that. Another shudder shook him and the tightness in his chest became a heavy, piercing weight.

 

He wanted… I... he couldn't think past the feeling of helplessness and pain that followed that thought. He hadn't known he could. He forced the burning, sour taste in his mouth back down with a difficult swallow. If he could, he had wanted it to be with Heero. He shook as his body flushed with heat at the thought of his bonded. He yearned for him, but he couldn't get to him. He couldn't draw anything to help him reach him from the boy. It was hard for him to understand, but he thought it had something to do with being around other wielders. The healer could channel energy but couldn't wield. There was no one else close enough to draw anything from. Duo went limp, jerking in place and suddenly aware of the pain wrecked confines of his own body.

 

The boy shook himself and went to work wrapping a warm, sharp smelling poultice across the knuckles of one of his hands. The pain faded instantly, leaving a numb tingling feeling that his mind readily grabbed onto.

 

“I'll be using this herb for the superficial wounds. I'll mostly focus on healing the... the internal damage, but I can't help heal you properly if you take my strength from me.” The boy had said quietly, his eyes too bright as he quickly wiped at his cheek. “Please let me at least do this, your Grace.” Pale green eyes focused on him as the boy tried to smile for him, but ended up too shaky and looked like it caused him more pain to do so. “What is your name? I'm Arnau.”

 

He couldn't remember anyone else asking him his name, who wasn't the white haired man or trying to talk tohim and not the being inside him. It almost felt like he didn't have one. It was like he wasn't himself and this wasn't something happening to him. He could almost envision himself huddled somewhere in some dirty corner of a Maheran alley having a nightmare. He withdrew, the boy's words melting into an indistinct sounds as he continued to talk to him.

 

Duo forced his drooping eyes open a little when he felt something move into the room. Something was coming closer to them with its fragmented presence and it was intent on him. Duo felt his heart pound harder until he could hear it in his ears. A blurred shape lingered just beyond the scope of his vision. He sucked in a breath when the looming figure became Jirrad.

 

Arnau was looking at him in concern as he tried to calm him down with soothing gestures and promises he couldn't hear. Duo tried to speak, but Jirrad had done something to his throat so he couldn't talk. He brought a shaky hand up to his neck and tried to speak again. He hissed in a raspy airy way that startled the boy.

 

Arnau frowned at his expression, unaware of Jirrad coming up behind him. Following the direction of Duo's eyes, Arnau finally turned to look over his shoulder and saw the tight faced Jirrad.

 

“Is he?” The boy stiffened and shook his head. “If he's awake, you've healed him well enough. Get out.”

 

Duo shook at the sound of Jirrad's voice, his flat and empty eyes never leaving him. Arnau was saying something and stood in front of him, blocking Jirrad from him. Duo scooted backward on the thin cot like bed. He made an involuntary pained sound as his stomach cramped when he turned on his side and put his legs over the side of the bed in preparation to stand. The pain grew deep inside him and he fell off the bed.

 

He panted, wincing at the pain in his head and trembled as he forced himself onto his back. Duo's eyes snapped up and he saw the healer stumble before he was knocked aside. Arnau flew into the wall, the impact was hard enough that the healer left a bloody smear as he crumpled and slid down its surface. Then Jirrad was on him. Duo fought with the white haired man until that hand, the one he wished he could cut off, brought the familiar feeling of empty wrongness as it sapped away his will and made him compliant. Everything blurred out of focus and Jirrad carried him away.

 

Through the graying white of unconsciousness came glimpses of what was happening around him - to him. He was being made to eat or drink, tended to, made to yield his body. Once Jirrad's painful touches stop, he went back to the welcoming embrace of nothingness.

 

In his next full moment of awareness, Duo opened his eyes to darkness and a lingering ache low in his stomach. He blinked several times, before the low light from the lichen finally reached his eyes and let him see his own hand fisting the sheet below the pillow. There was something wrong. He shifted, but it did nothing alleviate the way his tunic was sticking to his body. There was also a hot, slick moistness under one side of his face.

 

Duo shifted again and the acrid smell from the pillow he lay on filled his nose. He shakily dragged his head across it and away from the vomit. A thick string of saliva weightily hung from the corner of his mouth before it popped across his cheek.

 

Pain flared hotly in his stomach when another cramp, stronger than the one that had woken him, seized his body. Duo curled over his middle as it cut and tore at him from the inside. He couldn't scream, just make the voiceless breathy bursts that would have been. He suddenly felt warmth spread between his legs.

 

I'm... dying. He thought, sweat running across his skin. It's... dying. He was too scared to move, too sick to do anything, but lay there in agony through the night until consciousness left him.

 

Duo opened his eyes and found the young healer at his side again. The boy was pale as he moved his legs and the soft touch of a warm wet cloth moved over his skin. Duo closed his eyes and tried to control his shuddering, but it just made him more tired. Through his lashes, he watched the boy diligently work on him. He saw the pain in the boy's face, his split lip and purpling bruises standing out more with his sickly pallor.

 

This time he felt the boy wasn't free to choose anything for himself anymore. Everything blurred as the healer treated him until Jirrad made him yield to him again. He wanted to forget the feel of the old man on him. He wanted to forget the old man's use of him most of all, but it followed him even when he closed his eyes.

 

There was something off about Jirrad; an empty, vacant feeling that clung to him with his every touch. It made Duo's skin crawl and brought him back from oblivion because no matter what, he always felt it when Jirrad touched him. The wrongness of his touch was revolting and made his body scream at him, but he couldn't break free of his hold. There had been more food and baths, but he was never aware enough to see who was handling him. All he knew was that Jirrad had stopped using him and he just drifted from there.

 

Duo woke again to his body seizing on him, cramps he had no control over, twisting deep down in his gut.

 

Not… again…

 

The pain only eased if he bore down on it. But this time it was different and his body felt different. Nervous tension was thick in the room. The edges of his vision were dark, but it cleared enough for him to see when Senjit came in. The bald man's eyes were beady and hidden mostly by the deep folds of his eyelids, but Duo could still see the shock and pity they held. They rolled away from him to someone out of his line of sight.

 

“Jirrad, this is why `the One is unavailable' for weeks now?! Because you-!” the bald man sputtered to a stop then glared hard at Jirrad, “Did you even try to stabilize him?”

 

Duo shuddered, not having noticed the pacing white haired man down by the foot of the bed until his name was said. He didn't want Jirrad to touch him anymore.

 

Nonono... came the string of words, repeating in his head, and then the boy healer was there, running a cool cloth over his sweaty brow.

 

“Shh, it's okay. It won't be much longer.”

 

Duo panted, squinting up at him. Arnau's eyes were reassuring and he did well in hiding his true feelings, but Duo could still see the edges of it in his tension worn face.

 

“That's it. Breathe.”

 

Jirrad paused in his pacing to stare at him and Duo started to breathe erratically, “He's stable enough. He can't be suppressed any more for this.”

 

The healer put a moist sponge to his mouth, “Focus on what your body is saying, and going with it.”

 

The boy looked so much older than he remembered. Duo forced his eyes to stay on the boy when Jirrad started pacing again. But he could still see him, blurred form popping in and out of his peripheral vision. Arnau shuffled down the bed to his covered, raised legs and was now doing something between them. He tried to not see Jirrad watching him anxiously when a cramp snuck up on him, left him lightheaded and nauseated. It hurt so much. He wanted it out. He wanted it over.

 

“Jirrad, you are a fool!”

 

“I didn't ask you to be here!” Jirrad snapped, glaring at the bulbous nosed bald man. “I won't stand for your insults.”

 

“You fool.” Senjit shook his head, “He's the last one and you- what if he dies?”

 

“Then we find the girl and-”

 

“The Priests will never let you do to her what you've done to this boy!”

 

In that moment, he wanted them all to die, Jirrad most of all. Things slipped away from him. The room faded in and out of a graying shroud.

 

“…not pushing… the head…”

 

“Get… him too! ...I'll cut it out if I have…”

 

Everything shook around him as a sharp, poignant odor invaded his nose. It burned and the pain came back. Duo shook his head, trying to get away from the cloth pressed over his nose and mouth.

 

“… shh, shh...” entered his ear. He gasped in a breath once the cloth was removed. Duo felt himself being rocked and the arm around him. “You have to stay with us. Stay with me.” The healer's voice shook, his calm composure gone.

 

Duo didn't want to stay. He wanted to tell the healer to let him sleep, but all he could do was groan in response to his pain overwhelmed body. Duo choked on the air when the cloth was removed.

 

“You see!” Duo saw Senjit's lips curl in a grimace, his tone filled with mock excitement. “She came back, didn't she?”

 

Jirrad made a guttural sound in response that sent a shudder down Duo's spine.

 

“It's what you wanted and she wanted you de-”

 

“Hold your tongue! Arnau!” Jirrad winced, turning stiffly to glare at the healer next to him. Arnau brushed his nose against Duo's sweaty temple before disentangling himself from him.

 

Jirrad's flat eyes stayed on him and Duo fisted the sheets as the pain and cramping began anew. Arnau's head was lowered when he went to Jirrad and examined the red spear sticking out the back of his shoulder. Duo's breath hitched at a sudden stab of pain from fluttering movement in his stomach. Before Duo could think any more on it, the feeling was lost as the pain increased and the spear collapsed into a bloody streak down Jirrad's arm.

 

Arnau shifted his medicine bag from around his back, delving through it to get the supplies he needed. He cleaned Jirrad's wound quickly and covered it with a healing poultice. Jirrad grabbed Arnau before he could step away and ripped the bandage from his shoulder then pressed Arnau's hand back to wound on his shoulder.

 

“Heal it.”

 

Dull, pale green eyes rounded in a bruised face, glancing back at him then Jirrad. “You-but-”

 

“Heal it!” Jirrad snapped and the healer flinched, pulling his hand free and using the other, a faint glow lined his hand before he removed it and quickly returned to the foot of his bed.

 

Senjit shook his head, face pinched as he glanced at him on the bed then faced Jirrad, “At such a price, do you still want her back, JJ, my old friend?”

 

“I'll free you of that wagging tongue!” Jirrad growled, his hand gripping the pommel cinched to his belt.

 

Another cramp seized him and he heard someone scream. Arnau jumped on the bed and Duo bore down on the pain and the pressure. He gasped in a breath, panting when he realized the person who had been screaming was him. The cramping wouldn't stop and he screamed again, drowning out the weaker cry that joined his before he knew no more.

 

Duo came to in a muted world of pain. He was exhausted and sweaty. His heart labored in his chest. His stomach felt odd, the muscles there fluttered like prickling needles and from his hips on down he was numb.

 

No, no more. He was so tired. He was shaking so bad that he could see the bed moving. He knew what was coming next. It came almost every time he woke- Jirrad would come soon and make him yield to him. He didn't want to wake up to pain anymore. He didn't want to wake up to being used, to fear, to a life where he was always watched and controlled. And no one knew or wanted him, onlyher. He hated Jirrad. He hated those hands. He hated the way they touched him. He hated feeling helpless under them. He hated what they made him feel and every time he thought of death and dying, but it never happened.

 

Not for him.

 

It happened to everyone he ever cared for, but never him.

 

He wanted it all to go away.

 

The latch on the door clicked as it always did when Jirrad entered and he gave up hoping for anything else.

 

 

 

Tbc…