Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Sea in I ❯ XXVII/Epilogue ( Chapter 27 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Hey yall!! *screams* I finished!! and I have braces!! yeah a complete tangent, but I going to post it.You don't want to know how many times I reread it and I know probably still need a lot of work, but here it is. *waves* I thought I would be able to wrap it up, but Heero wouldn't let me *hides*I want to give sharona1x2, maerjanthra (Efrite) a huge thank you for getting hit with all this first. I want to thank aishi_meme, jukebox_csi, and everyone who has sent me their reviews/comments and those lurkers too for dealing with me and jungle that is my mind full of ideas and my inability to express them clearly. You're all beautiful. So, I'm zipping these lips. Good morning/evening/night!To those just joining us looking for the beginningWarnings: Suicidal thoughts, Depression, AngstPairings: 1x2/2x1, and the pen dabbles around a bit~~~~~~~~~``~~~~~~~~~~Disclaimer: I don't own any of the sexies in Gundam Wing AC, I just love to help them live a little.~~~~~~~~~``~~~~~~~~~~
Ch27Epilogue

In the days that followed, the people of Maheran were on the move. Many wanting to escape the deaths, were lured by the promise of a better life outside the city, when before there had been few options and survival bleak in the sea of sand. Some went about their everyday lives in hopes of coping with their losses. While others hovered, flinching at the sight of soldiers even though they no longer posed any threat to them.

The Monarch didn’t swoop in to retaliate against Quatre’s people while they attempted to recover in Maheran and were too stunned to make a hasty retreat or really defend themselves. Instead, the old Monarch amazed them by welcoming them. The Monarch took up council from one of the high priest’s monks and Relena. Quatre, when he regained consciousness, requested an audience and was quickly answered.

The Monarch made known his wishes to put an end to the suffering. He explained how his illness kept him away from his people and allowed himself to be used to intimidate, bending the wills of others. In the face of dissent amongst the people, Relena interrupted to vouch for him. She told them about the few walks he had gone on with her outside the walls of the temple-palace. Quatre raised a hand to quiet the elders from his city in attendance.

Once they were willing to listen, the Monarch moved on to explain how he had been depending heavily on Jirrad. He told them how he was one of his most trusted servants and his dearest friend. Without an heir, he had planned to leave it all to Jirrad.

He told them that on the day the palace-temple shook, he woke to the strange pale light fading from his room and he found himself able to move. The cloying sickness rapidly lost its hold over him. He, aided by a ginger haired priest while half dressed in a robe, surveyed the destruction brought on by the One and came to realize how he had been deceived. Jirrad had used Relena, her acolytes and the growing beauty of Maheran to fool the bedridden Monarch. He had been convinced Jirrad was not only carrying out his wishes, but shared them.

The Monarch apologized with the promise to be a better ruler, work more closely with the people and thanked the One for returning the world to how he remembered as a youth.

The Monarch, a high priest from the Order and Quatre began to work together to organize the scores of people who began new settlements. The fever to get out of the overpopulated Maheran was only spurred on with the announcement that The One had passed.  The Monarch had suggested that Relena retake her position as the One, and the people whole heartedly agreed. Especially since the One's disappearance, but she turned it down. Relena didn’t want to be worshiped.

Instead, Relena arranged small groups each with an acolyte, priest, eunuch and a few recovered soldiers, handpicked by Quatre, to Sheriff each settlement and establish schools for any who wished to be taught. The rest of the acolytes were released from their service to live normal lives. Many returned to their families in the city and with Quatre’s people. The few that chose to stay at Relena’s side became goodwill ambassadors, like Relena herself. Partnered with some of the Order priests, they soothed any tensions or disputes amongst the people and reminded them of what greed, hate and violence had wrought and cost them all.

They had moved around many times. He could tell by the smell of the air, temperature and feel of the place. None of them had felt right. No matter where they journeyed, whispers followed and people sought him out. He didn't know why they moved so much or how many more times they had, before the people’s curiosity curbed. They stopped trying to see and touch him.

With it, the whispers waned.

The One is dead... he sometimes heard the broken phrase. The sound was remorseful but it stirred nothing in him. The place they were now felt good and they were close to.... He couldn’t put a finger on what exactly. All he knew was what he felt and that they had to stay near it.

He began to crave these moments where he was aware but not awake or able to move. The first few times he woke since they settled in this new place, he was complacent, but it eventually gave way to fear. And every time he woke up trapped in his own body, the fear grew into a sickening dread. It filled his head with doubt that his escape had ever happened.

Really it made sense, because it explained why he was stuck like this. It left him on edge knowing that at any moment the old man would come and abuse him. But it didn't happen. Nothing happened and gradually he began to notice the familiar presence by his side.

Heero.

The connection between them warmed him and told him he wasn’t alone. Heero’s presence reminded him of who he was when dreams and memory meshed. His Heero, who could disable anyone with his skilled hands, helped him stay a little longer each time through massages and the movement of his limbs. His bonded’s touch chased away the unwanted phantoms that clawed at his skin and made him retreat into the white of forgetfulness.

Imprisoned in his body, he came to know how much he loved this man. He wished he could share with him this realization.

He loved him even more because despite Heero not being a talker, he did whenever they were alone together. Duo still remembered when he started. There had been a few hushed words of encouragement and then the soft click of a door closing as Heero fumbled with things to say the only way his stoic lover would. Duo heard him shift slightly in his chair, a faint noise of aborted starts and then silence.

Once the words started, they were short and concise. Nevertheless, Heero kept at it until he was able to share his thoughts and feelings, even the mundane ones. He talked about what he did or saw when he was away.  There were others, people Duo knew, yet couldn’t always put a name to the face that surfaced in his clouded mind when they weren’t in the room. The first had been the healer. That day, Heero had been coerced into leaving his side by an older woman and two younger women.

Duo had felt a flare of anxiety, hopelessness and fear so strong that it nearly robbed him of his awareness. They were his own emotions, riding on the tails of memories that he wanted desperately to forget. He almost let go when the healer took his hand. They trembled holding his while he talked and wept. The feelings slowly subsided as the healer’s relieved, and tender weary presence tried to reassure him without words.

The healer had asked him to forgive him. Those were the words that stuck in his mind, for he couldn’t remember the boy doing him any harm. Most of what happened afterward, like the other moments soon to come, faded to gray.

He couldn’t remember if the healer ever returned, but everyone else remained a constant. They switched off with Heero so he felt someone different, yet familiar every other moment when Heero wasn’t there. Those times were short and in turn, didn’t bother him much because Heero always came back. Their connection affirmed him that much. The sound of Heero’s voice soothed him when the dark memories were at their worst and refused to relinquish their hold on him.

This was what their lives persisted of - he was trapped in this unwaking, unchanging limbo-like awareness and Heero refused to leave his side except for when their friends made him leave. Duo’s heart ached at the thought of them continuing on this way.


 ***


“... wasting away like this. Stop doing this to yourself! I’m sure Duo would never want you to do this. Let one of us or at the very least a healer-”

“No.”  

Lately, each of his ‘waking’ moments seemed off.

“By the One-”

Someone scoffed.

“Heero, you know what I mean. Gods, he’s healed! There’s no need for you not to attend to yourself with us here helping you... You-” Duo heard Quatre sigh, “I know it is difficult not to worry, none us know what to do to wake him up.”

“That’s comforting.”

“Heero. We are safe here. We’re together and he’s stable. He’s not going any where.”

“You can’t guarantee that nothing will happen and don’t think you can trick me into believing otherwise.”

He didn’t remember trying to go anywhere, at least not by choice. At times, he would find himself aware of everything in the room but not being able to think or remember much. Other times, he could hear, feel and interpret everything his senses grasped. Today seemed to be one of the latter days. Duo could tell there were two others in the room with Heero and him. It felt like they had been there for a long while.

“Hee-”

“No! I don’t want to hear anymore of your empty reassurances, Quatre. I have to be here. I can’t - I won’t miss-”

“Give it time.” Quatre cut in, his voice tempered and coaxing.

“Time?” Heero scoffed, “Leave.”  Heero’s voice had grown haggard in a space of few breaths. Duo heard a suppressed laugh come out as a grunt, and then he felt the air shift in the room when Heero moved away from Quatre. “I said go!”

It hurt to hear Heero sound so bitter and defeated. It echoed to a time before him, a memory that wasn’t his own, but it slipped from his grasp like sand. It was so similar yet not. Duo wanted to let them know, let Heero know, he was there and that he could hear them. Unfortunately, no matter how much he willed his body to move, it wouldn’t obey him.

“No, Heero. We are your friends. Don’t expect us not to push back when you push us. We can’t just stand by and let you do this to yourself.”

“It’s my choice.”

“Be reasonable.”

“I have! I will not let him disappear before my eyes!” Duo felt the bed shift on one side and then a familiar warmth, tingle across his skin as fingers carded through his bangs. “I’ll d- I’m taking him to the mountains.”

“Heero,” there was a resigned sigh, as if this was something they had discussed many times before. Duo didn’t remember hearing the airy breath this often from his friend before this moment. “Are you feverish? There’s nothing there. We’ve gone-”

“Without me or Duo.”

“Not intentionally. Even though Relena helped the people move on, there’s still something of them lingering there. I’m sure... I’ve felt them.”

Heero snorted, “Yes, you’ve felt them.”

“Don’t forget how you found Duo when you caught up to us. Duo felt them too.”

“Why didn't you take us with you?”

“Neither one of you were fit for travel after the journey here. Besides, what good would come from taking both of you to Abbadon?”

Duo heard feet shift, but Heero didn't respond.

“You don’t know do you?” Duo could hear Quatre frowning, thinking.

“I know enough to trust my senses.”

“If you feel that some sort of action is needed and waiting here is useless, know that-”

“Don’t read me without my consent!” Heero bit out harshly and Duo could imagine the icy glare Quatre was being gifted with, but he also knew Quatre wasn’t one easily cowed.

“I don’t need to read you to understand how you must be feeling nor to see what’s in front of me... in your eyes. Why there, Heero?”

Heero didn’t oblige him with an answer, but somehow he knew like Duo did, the mountains had been the beginning.

“Can you feel him?”

“Trowa?” if he could, Duo would have smirked at the semi-pissed, shocked, and plaintive quality Quatre’s voice took on all at once. “How will that help Heero?”

Duo had forgotten about Quatre’s ability to read people that way and it made him anxious.

“Tell me.” Heero demanded. His tone devoid of emotion as Duo felt the rough pad of Heero’s thumb run over his cheek.

There was a long pause. Duo almost let himself be lulled into the sleepy gray and let go of his hold on the moment with Heero’s warmth nearby.

“No, not exactly.” Quatre said somberly on his next exhaled breath.

Duo didn’t know how Quatre could load so much pain and sorrow into those few words, but he felt it. He was sure the other two could too.

“He feels you.”

“Duo?”

It tore at him to hear Heero sound so broken. He would have given anything to open his eyes and see… touch, croak out anything to him.

“Heero-” He heard Quatre gasp at the same time he felt a light pressure to his mouth

“Don't stop there!” Heero snapped, shaking fingers touched his brow before he felt Heero’s forehead touch his. The heat from his skin shocked him. “Tell me more!”

“He... there’s concern, longing, anxiousness, sa- s-sorry, he- it’s fading… There is nothing more I can tell you.”

“No, no. Don’t you lie to me!” Heero was gone. Duo figured he must have turned away from him to glare at Quatre and he was bereft of the contact. He wanted him close again.

“I’m not lying! He’s there just... buried. It’s so hard to feel him. You don’t understand what it does to me to see… feel you both-”  

“I don’t care! Continue. Tell me-”

“I can’t! I-”

“You. Will. Or-”

“He won’t.” Trowa cut in smoothly. “He’s with you. That’s more than enough for now.”

“You don’t understand. None of you do.”

“Then tell us your thoughts. You don’t have bear it alone, Heero. Help us understand.” Quatre’s voice was urgent, though he spoke so softly that Duo almost didn’t hear him.

Heero answered Quatre with silence.

“He is there, Heero. Even if you can’t feel him, rest assured he’s there.” Quatre sounded drained, but his words stilled the idle play of Heero’s fingers in his hair.

“Quatre,” there was emphasis on his friend’s name, along with a hint of reproach to both them. Trowa’s tone promised that he wouldn’t let this continue, “He has told you all he can.”

Heero grunted his dissent.

“You have all the more reason to do this not because we’re asking you to, but for yourself and Duo. Eat properly, train and regain your strength so you can take him there. You have a week or we’ll take him ourselves... and leave you tied to Relena’s saddle to keep her company.”

Heero growled. Duo felt a fine tremble in the fingers resting against his cheek, “I’m fine.” Irritation was clear in his words. Duo’s concern grew as he wondered what they meant and what he couldn’t see.

“A week, Heero.” Duo could almost see Quatre shaking his head, “I would've tried for more time than that, but I trust Trowa’s judgment. I have to admit, you’d probably do something foolish if you had to wait any longer than that.”

Heero snorted.

“You still may.” Duo heard Quatre chuckle, “We are in agreement?” They both knew that getting Heero to agree to anything that wasn't his idea in the first place wouldn’t be that easy. “Just let us support you and help. All we ask, that whatever it is you intend to do, you wait a week until you’re stronger.”

Heero said nothing else. Duo felt the weight of Heero’s body shift on the bed, then the brush of his spiky bangs against his neck. The door closed with Heero interlacing their fingers as he held their hands together over Duo’s chest. Duo wished he could snuggle into the heat that was Heero, but a tendril of unease reminded Duo of his earlier concerns. With Heero this close, he could smell the sweat of sickness on his bonded and knew he was right to be worried.

 * * *

Duo found the sleepy gray interrupted by brief flashes of images, but it was getting harder for him to differentiate dreams from memory and the reality he lived. Not when he could see and move in the dreams while in reality he was confined to a bed in a place he had never seen before.  A few of the images were of Heero with a beard and then his face was hairless, and thin. There was hurried movement, a room with windows and flowers. He could smell the flowers mixing in the warm air and then the indistinct voices of people. Their voices grew as they rejoiced, before it too faded.

He couldn’t recall the last time he had heard that many happy people in one place. But it was strange that he heard them at all, if he was in their room.

“It’s time,” were the only words he heard from Heero, before they were moving. On quick, silent feet Heero moved him and all Duo could do was listen to his breathing and the common sounds he began to associate with nightfall.  A low trill was Duo’s only warning when soft, ridged-skin nose pressed against his face and filled his nose with briny breath.

“Easy. You snuck away too, huh?” Heero coughed, muffling the sound before continuing, “I’m sure he misses you too, Newt. Follow Krídlo.” Duo could hear the smile and tenderness in Heero’s whisper.

Vertigo hit him when Heero hoisted him up across the harness. He felt Heero secure his legs in the footholds, before he hopped up behind him. Swiftly, Heero repositioned him in his arms before Krídlo took off in a silent run. The heady rush into motion made Duo realize how overly warm he had been and the bouncing movement stirred a nervous tickle in his stomach as the dizziness began to overwhelm him. They were getting closer, and the nausea grew with that feeling the longer they rode. Duo’s throat felt tacky and he heard someone make a startled sound just before all movement stopped.

O----------------------OoO----------------------O

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Heero jerked upright, and then pressed back down over Duo, when he started to list to the side of the harness. He had been using his upper body to lessen the jostling motion of Krídlo’s movements on Duo and keep him more securely in place. Heero pulled Krídlo to a skidding stop, like he should have did the first time before he sat upright again. He patted Krídlo’s neck, soothing her absently. He turned Duo toward him and pulled Duo’s hood back enough to get a good look at his face. There had been no change in his expression.

Heero shook his head and looked out over the moonlit landscape. They had come to the fringe of the Loop, where sparse grass and spindly branched trees thinned into desert.

Their small, growing town of several hundred inhabitants was positioned between Maheran and the mountains, a three to four day journey by horse in either direction. It quickly became known as Maheran Loop, because it was the best place for a rest stop in an area that was mainly deserted. It had definitely helped their town flourish.

Quatre’s city remained submerged and secret. Quatre and his people established an auxiliary village in a nearby oasis on the surface.  It was called Qadira, which he had been told was the name the Acai had given Quatre’s mother. Relena told him that it meant powerful and that Quatre had been named after his mother, her real name being Quatrine.

He had never wanted to know so little about a person than in those moments, but if Relena was talking about Quatre, then she wasn’t bothering him.

Qadira, it turned out, became a place where those who wanted to live above ground could. To public knowledge, it was Quatre’s place of origin and the wind wielder’s primary place of residence. In that respect, Heero felt he and Quatre were like minded in their decisions to live in Qadira and the Loop - there couldn’t be a more perfect place to hide than in plain sight.

At the Loop, there would be no questions when Relena or Hilde visited during their travels or even stayed. Quatre had made it his second home with Trowa. The Loop, like so many other places, had been restored by Duo. The Monarch had said, on one of his many visits as his health continued to improve, the Loop was as it had been. He implied that before it used to be just as lush. It transitioned into sparse desert on its fringes, but it was large enough to house fifty more towns their size. When asked what the area had been called in the past and who had lived there, the Monarch waved off the questions politely. He called it M'loop, as the children often did, and smiled at the carefree laughter that followed.

Heero didn’t bother guessing what the old ruler knew. He knew Jirrad had a hand in whatever lives were lost here. Pushing it, while keeping both Gua low so they could run and glide undetected, Heero managed to get them to the fringes in a mere hour instead of the four hours it would’ve taken to get there by horse.

Glide. Krídlo’s and Newt’s near achievement of flight had him thinking. It had to be late spring, because Fraix had told him once the Gua only obtained the extra skin on their sides during their mating season. During that time no one, not even Jirrad, rode or disturbed the Gua.

Yet, they were allowing him and Duo. Rarity of the experience wasn’t lost on him and his thoughts centered on the man he held in his arms. He wished Duo could share it with him. He stiffened as the low sound reached his ears again.

“Duo?” Heero sat back haphazardly in his harness, while his legs gripped Krídlo’s sides firmly to stabilize his sudden movement. Krídlo jerked, irritated by how the extra pressure agitated the folds of skin along her ribs and underarms.

“Duo…” with a shaky hand, Heero brushed Duo’s bangs from his closed eyes.

He knew he had heard Duo make a sound. He was sure of it. He ignored Newt’s low trill of concern and stared at Duo, his thumb running over his chin and down his throat searching for movement. He heard the low grumble and turned Duo so that he was laying chest down on Krídlo’s neck. He put his ear to Duo’s back and waited.

For a moment, he lost himself to the sound of Duo’s heart beat and had to struggle to keep his eyes open. Heero was about to lift his head, when he heard it again and choked on his own laughter, “Your stomach talks, but not you.”

Heero turned his face into Duo’s shoulder and screamed out all he was feeling.  He should have known better than to hope for something so soon. Duo’s bodily responses were all the reaction any of them got from sleeping wielder. Duo chewed and swallowed when he was fed. He marginally supported himself, but listed to the side after awhile like any other person who was made to sit up while asleep.

Heero griped the cloak at Duo’s sides and slid his face up through the material until his forehead rested against the side of Duo’s temple. He squeezed his eyes shut while he pressed his nose to Duo’s cheek and gritted his teeth before could betray himself further. Although there was only the Gua and an unaware Duo to witness him fall apart, he just couldn’t. Heero unclenched his hands to rub Duo’s stomach and then pressed and held a kiss to Duo’s cheek. He had to make this enough and refused to acknowledge the heat building in his eyelids.

“N-not… yet.” he fixed Duo’s hood, and wrapped his arms around him to let the shaking in his hands, that quickly became shudders rocking his whole body, run their course.

He felt hollow inside.

It only grew worst; each day he pushed himself to honor their friends’ request. He made himself sleep for more than a few hours and wrenched himself awake when sleep threatened to imprison him.  He had felt it many times before and believed if he slept too long, he would be trapped like Duo in an unnatural sleep. He wouldn’t care if it meant he would be with Duo, but his dreams of late have always teetered off into darkness and made the hollow place in his chest grow. He refused to let the emptiness over take him.

Although the others were starting to notice the shadows under his eyes, they didn’t know how little he actually slept. Quatre somehow knew his connection with Duo was gone. That realization shocked him enough to take what the annoying blonde wielder had said to heart. He was too weak and in no condition to get them to the mountains. He vowed he would not fail Duo in this.

They both had to be there and it had to be just the two of them for a little while. He couldn’t explain it or his impatience, but he had no reservations about making it happen. Heero didn’t feel like explaining it to the others either. Their friends had called his behavior irrational, but it was just his way of avoiding them when they pushed too much for answers he couldn’t give them.

Strangely enough, Zechs understood without him having to say anything. In their town, Zechs served as a teacher and advisor to the towns' constable. The latter, was a position Quatre tried to haggle him into, but he wanted no part of it.

Heero spent most of his time glaring when Zechs waddled confidently into their home, but he found his presence was preferable to the others. A few months after the twins were born Zechs would come and talk to him. More like at him. He never answered him - much, but for a long while Zechs’ eyes were those of a haunted man.

He knew part of it was because Quatre’s search for Treize revealed nothing of his whereabouts. It was the same for him while Wu Fei carried out his secret task. Heero wanted to help Wu Fei search for Duo’s child but he couldn’t bring himself to be far from Duo’s side. It was the not knowing that ate at them both and he appreciated how Zechs dropped his masks around him. Their understanding remained unspoken, even as they both suffered through Relena’s frequent visits while in the company of one of the Order’s eunuchs, Montague.

Not soon after those visits, he watched Zechs’ disposition change. Zechs drifted away from him. He often seemed conflicted and Heero cursed him for making him feel even more alone. Even though Zechs’ visits lessened, Zechs made sure Heero held one of the twins or played with the crawling trouble makers. They adored him, or so he was told, and they squeezed out of him a tiny smile or two without knowing the hurt or longing they brought up in him.

The few times his Aunt Bertha, Hilde’s mother and his late Uncle’s wife, had chanced a visit, he had largely ignored her. He barely offered her a grunt of thanks when she would go out of her way to cook for them. He hadn’t asked her to do anything, but she kept sending him these beseeching looks. He felt guilty around her and faulted himself for the loss of her husband.

He could no more stand to be around her than he could her daughter, but he had learned to tolerate Hilde’s presence in their home. She wouldn’t leave them alone and after awhile, she just sort of became Duo’s main caretaker, second to himself. The girl’s behavior was similar to his bonded. So much so that Heero had to leave Duo with her on several occasions because he couldn’t stand the reminder of how Duo had been compared to how was now.

Then there were the whispers. He was sure they weren’t real and chalked them up to his lack of sleep. He refused to open himself up to the same madness that had consumed many of the captive, grieving wielders that haunted his memories. Zechs, it seemed, was different; whatever Duo had done to stabilize him and the twins, worked now to keep him together if Treize was dead. He was glad Jirrad had never gotten to Zechs the way he had the other wielders he had imprisoned. But Heero wasn’t foolish enough to think that Jirrad wasn’t the one responsible for Zechs’ disappearance.

All he knew was that after Zechs was captured, he was forced to take the tour training and into servitude as a soldier of the Monarch under Treize. He quickly surpassed others and became Treize’s second. And not once during those seven years did Heero see him near Relena or notice him make an attempt to contact her, even in passing. Until something went wrong on a mission and he was gravely injured. He and Relena had stumbled upon them on their return and against Zechs’ wishes, Relena healed him. Shortly after that, Zechs disappeared and Treize had been second-less ever since then.

Heero had witnessed much of what Jirrad did to his captives firsthand and he didn’t think Zechs escaped without some problems of his own. Though, he was grateful he hadn’t been broken by what he had endured and didn’t lose himself to the torment. He remembered how bad it got for them, the wielders especially, once Jirrad isolated them in the cells beneath the foyer. Their cries of agony went unheard as the people above them walked through the foyer daily. Only a select few knew the extent of Jirrad’s depravity.

The specialized stone, which made up the foyer cells, not only blocked sound but dampened a wielder’s ability to wield and stopped shifters, like Heero, from seeing past it. Thus, the stone effectively removed their main means of escape. He knew its creator never meant for it to be used against them in such a way. A few, in their grief, expended themselves by continuously using their element and straining to call to it. He remembered the pain of just using his sight in the cells and how much the brief effort had drained him. He could see that without their bonded, how it would quickly lead to many painful deaths.

Jirrad had been quick to stop the others from attempting the same feet by having Senjit sedate them. Those who fought off the sedatives, Jirrad made them his special guinea pigs. He fed stronger drugs, some made up of crushed lichen spores, while he watched the effects they had on them, on some the shifters, and on him. Thinking back to the times Jirrad had locked him away with several of wielders, he found he couldn’t resent them for using him as they had.

Despite the head games Jirrad played with him, Heero never forgot who his real enemy was. When he was returned to his uncle and healed enough to move effectively, he smuggled whomever he could out of Maheran. He vowed to make sure they were avenged. He never knew what happened to them beyond Maheran’s borders, but a death out in the desert was better than one by Jirrad’s hands.

He had often wondered if a wielder’s bonded was affected similarly, if the roles were reversed and the wielder was the one who died. If they had been left alive, would they have gone crazy from the emptiness of not feeling their other? Even still, he wondered how they would fair if they had to feel their bonded grow weaker over their connection and then suddenly cut off from the only thing that reassured them they were still alive? How could they go on?

He no longer doubted that bonded pairs shared the same torment. He, himself, felt it every day Duo lay in his unnatural sleep. There were times, like a few moments ago, that he thought he felt Duo… He thought he had heard him, but that false hope had nearly caved him.

It was maddening, being able to feel, hold and smell Duo while their bond kept telling him he was gone. He was dead; that there was nothing of Duo left in the body… shell of the man he held.

The feel of Duo’s presence across their connection was the thing he trusted most. He had depended on it during their years of separation and that heartening presence had gradually faded until six months ago.

Six months ago, Hilde had come to visit and care for Duo like any other time. It was an arrangement he shared with their friends once they had settled down in the Loop. He used the term ‘shared arrangement’ loosely, because they simply took advantage of his aversion to Hilde and she came over more than he felt was necessary to help them.

Forced from Duo’s side, Heero went to help their growing town under threat of being summarily dragged away from Duo and restrained to watch children at story time in the center of town if he hadn’t. They knew that if they upset him enough, he would lash out at them, but he wouldn’t harm defenseless people – particularly children. It was smart on their part.

Even as he helped the townsfolk, Heero took comfort in feeling Duo through their connection despite the capable person, who cared for Duo. Unfortunately, that day wouldn’t be like the others.  After leaving Hilde with Duo that day, Heero went to help a young farmer plow a field he was having difficulty completing alone. He remembered waving the farmer off to get some seeds when Duo was suddenly gone. Their connection was still there, but the feeling that always told Heero Duo was there had disappeared completely and could mean only one thing.

Dazed, he led the oxen into a grassy field. Once the farmer noticed his wayward movement and caught up to him, he remembered having only one destination in mind. He left the man with his concerned questions unanswered. He found himself bursting into the place he had made his and Duo’s and nearly ripped the door from its hinges. He saw Hilde turn from her bent position over Duo, saying something he couldn’t hear. He had to admit, he wasn’t thinking clearly. He barely recalled questioning her with accusation in his voice. Yet, at some point, he threw her aside.

Later, she filled in on the details. She boasted about her reflexes, told him he had nearly sent her through the wall, but all he could recall was that he wanted to get to Duo. He couldn’t calm down or ease the intense feeling of loss tearing him up inside until he saw him. When he had, doubt warred with loss and the growing emptiness in his chest. Duo looked the same as he had left him, with the exception of his skin smelling of soap and his hair half braided, but alive and breathing.

Heero drew back from Duo and the fragmented memory. He nosed Duo’s bangs as he clutched his own chest with his free hand. The feeling echoed still, sharp and deep, hacking away at his ability to reason and telling him what he held was nothing. Heero shuddered and his eyes drooped even though his head ached to the beat of his heart.

Today, Relena was due to visit so no one would notice his absence until well into the morning. Their growing town had mainly horses. On a whim, he had sent a letter to Bertha asking for Krídlo to be sent to him in secret. He hadn't expected her to do anything, not with him and Duo being the reason she no longer had her husband, but she had shocked him.

He remembered stumbling upon Krídlo when a young girl had scrambled from the thicket, followed closely by her half clothed boyfriend. Both had disappeared with red blushes on their faces. After he visited with her, she hid herself away in some thick underbrush in a more arid area of the Loop’s wilds without any direction. He knew his Aunt had not only sent her, but spoke to her about keeping out of sight.

He leaned forward, securing Duo between himself and the harness as comfortably as he could before he signaled Krídlo to jump. It wasn’t long before they reached the mountain and much too soon he had to let Krídlo and Newt stay behind. With Krídlo’s help, Heero stood Duo up in her grasp. He stood stunned, staring at his bonded as he hung limply in her hold. He couldn’t even make out the rise and fall of his chest. He shook his head, letting the dizzying movement disrupt the dark litany he knew wasn’t true. Heero pulled a thick blanket across Duo’s back holding onto the ends over his shoulders while he twisted around so his back was to Duo.

Heero pressed his back to Duo’s torso, pulled one end of the over his shoulder and the other under his arm, tying it tightly so it rested diagonally across his chest. Wrapping his arms around the thin body behind him, he leaned forward, pushing Duo as far up on his back the first tie allowed and pulled the other half under his rump. He quickly tied it tightly around his waist and stood up with his arms looped under Duo legs. Heero bounced on his feet a few times and found the blanket held Duo in place. He looked over his shoulder to make sure Duo’s head and hands were still covered, before making sure the large satchel going across his other shoulder was secure.

Heero began walking. He’d made considerable progress without any elements to aid them and moving nonstop throughout the night. Krídlo’s jumping distance was unparalleled to any other Gua’s, but her mate and Khushrenada’s Gua Husa. Newt was a close second. Without them, they would still be in the sparse stretch of desert three days from the mountains if he had been left to horses. He thanked them again, his gratitude clear in his voice. He was glad to see the Gua moving down to a warmer incline.

Heero began a brisk climb, glancing every so often at the world the mountain overlooked. Their world. The sheer height threatened to take his feet out from under him. The height of the mountain hadn't bothered him before, so he pushed the dizziness back and kept moving.  

Right around now, Heero could imagine Relena asking for his whereabouts. Once Quatre saw that neither he nor Duo was home, he would have them all set out toward the mountains. Knowing Quatre and Relena, they would both use their abilities. Though, Relena was still new to moving earth willingly, so Quatre will be using his element the most. If he factored Trowa taking over so Quatre wouldn’t tax himself, he figured they had a few hours to themselves.

An hour later, nose flaring and chest tight, Heero found himself panting as he leaned against the rocky face. He had hoped he would find the same crevice Quatre had brought them to the first time, but he saw nothing that gave it away. His vision grayed, but he wasn’t aware of it until he felt a strong falling sensation. He jerked, his hand snapped out and grappled for a sturdy hold on the rigid surface of the mountain side.  
Once he had a sturdy grip, he quickly pulled himself forward into a squat and used one of the water gourds to shield Duo’s hooded head from the loose rock he had dislodged. Once the spray of rock and dust lessened, he stood on unsteady feet while he leaned heavily against the rocky surface. For a long while, he glared furiously at nothing as he berated himself. He was pushing himself too much. He had been close to proving Quatre right and his brash actions had nearly cost them both their lives.

Not to say that ending it all had never crossed his mind. It was just that falling off the side of the mountain and taking Duo with him, was not how he would do it. He had plenty of dreams, some nightmares, of ways he could if he ever woke and discovered that Duo had stopped breathing. Many nights, he stayed awake to watch Duo breathe. The involuntary action made it easier for him to use reason to block the empty feeling in his chest and its traitorous whispers that he had nothing left.
  
“Counterproductive,” he chided himself and frowned. He was somewhat surprised at how accustomed he had grown to talking in Duo’s presence and his bonded not responding back.

That was something he had never wanted to grow used to.

He squashed the ache that bubbled up in his chest like acid and rubbed Duo’s leg while he squinted at the path. Something about the look of it didn’t sit right with him. He checked out the path behind them and then the one in front of them again. The one in front, though worn, was still passable, wider and the fact that it was wielder made was more pronounced by its even planes and symmetrical angles. It told him he had brought them too far.
He remained pressed to the rocky surface and turned around slowly, never letting his gloved hands break contact with his handholds. He paced himself, his hand mapping the groves and hidden recesses the elements carved into the mountain. The constriction in his chest and dizzying throb in his head, faded now that he allowed his body the time to adjust to the higher altitude he hadn’t permitted on his trek up the path.
Heero paused when his hand disappeared inside an arm deep space that he wouldn’t have seen because of the way the rock overlapped. It reminded him of Quatre’s city and its many hidden passageways. Ever mindful of his precious burden, Heero double checked the blanket securing Duo to his back. Once he was certain there were no tears and the ties were knotted tight, he turned to face the mountain side. He leaned forward, yanking on the lip of the small gap to ensure it made a good handhold and then held it tight as he searched the rocky surface in front of him with his other hand. It wasn’t much longer before he found the entrance. The fissure in the rock overlapped just like the recess and the passages in Quatre’s city. Its dark interior looked like a foreboding void. He stepped inside and stumbled to keep his balance when they were sucked the rest of the way in. Heero’s night vision kicked in and his eyes widened as he was nearly tossed backward into a large mound of rock. He turned just in time to spare Duo from the blow and a burst of pain colored his vision from his nose. He hadn’t been able to stop his own forward momentum, but it was a small price he was more than willing to pay. He hunched down, holding tighter to the mound of large stones until the force of the wind lessened. Heero straightened, wiping away the blood with the back of his hand and a grimace. He checked it tentatively and was relieved it was only bloody and not broken. He maneuvered around fallen rock cautious of any holes or sudden dips in the ground and walked out into the abandon village.

He hadn’t realized how large the village actually was. His eyes followed the corpus of trees as they spread out and began to take sentry positions on various broken rises on the mountain walls. The other mountain acted more as a buffer, protecting it from the harsher elements. As he walked out into the open, he craned his neck to look at the face of rock overhead where the vivid memory of decaying bodies had been pinioned. As he expected, the bodies were gone. The smoky rock face was smooth with pock marks of where holes used to be and stained, not by the blood of the slain, but by the rain stained shapes of leaf fall.
 
Patches of grass dotted the paths that lead to various dwelling, happily degrading them in their disuse. The muted grays and smell of decay from his memory was replaced with fresh air and the color green growing things. Heero eyed the farm plot and took note that it had been plowed and the weeded field had crops growing out of it in varying stages. Heero eyed the rows with narrowed eyes and searched the surrounding mountain peaks for movement. A large bird took flight at the end of one and the tension eased out of him, softening the scowl on his face.

There was anything really suspect about the place anymore. Heero’s vision blurred and he shook his head to clear it. They needed lodgings and a fire to warm themselves by. Wearily, he looked around. He wanted to avoid the place where his uncle had died. It was also the place where Jirrad once lived and the very same place Duo was taken over by the elements. Heero’s shoulders slumped at his thoughts.

He had brought them back to a place associated with too many bad memories; he could only hope that he had been right to do so. He pushed himself forward when the fine tremor in his hands returned. His search went by in a blur. He tried to avoid the dwelling, but no matter which direction he went or how far he walked, he ended up in front of the same damnable dwelling.

Heero glared at the place before trudging inside. He surveyed it quickly then nodded absently to himself when he could find no one else there. He leaned forward, untying the durable blanket that held Duo securely to his body and placed one hand behind him to keep Duo in place against his back when he straighten. He took a breath after making sure Duo’s feet were on the ground and spun around to face him, catching the unconscious wielder just as his legs buckled on him. He pulled the blanket tighter around Duo and glared at the dwelling interior.

It had been fixed.

The fire pit held fire stones and wood for kindling. There was a pile of wood in a far corner, a bed in a separate room by the shuttered window with fresh linen over the entry way and two chests of drawers and a small but private washroom. The person, who had updated the dwelling, had also included the kitchen space. It had countertops, cabinets, a larger pantry and a wood burning stove. There was a large, but modest table near the main entrance to the dwelling and directly across from the kitchen was a table for four.

Knowing Duo’s body almost better than he knew his own, Heero stopped by the washroom first. Once they were done, he laid Duo down on the bed before he went to work with the flint stones to get the fire started.  In less than half an hour, he had Duo fed and comfortably warm when he could hold back his exhaustion no longer and he fell asleep.  

* * *

“...on himself. Too hard.”

He frowned in his sleep.

“Ah, yes. I do see that,” the speaker laughed her voice caring and full of mirth.“He’s been a fierce protector of you this whole while and it has only gotten worse. I’ve been introduced to him by Quatre a few times, both times he had beard that made him look like some brute from the ice lands.”

“Or a bear!” they chuckled, warming the room with their amusement. The one next to him sounded gravely when he spoke and coughed to clear his throat.

“If only you could have seen the look on his face when he came here! I’m glad he didn’t see me as nothing more than what I was.”
“He had good reasons. Thanks for... Well, you know.”

“Aw, you’re the cutest thing when you blush!” she cooed and then a chair scraped the floor when it was moved, “None needed. I understand and respect why neither of you would want to deal with healers right now.”

She sounded wistful, the thoughts that resurfaced bringing a shudder into her voice and an audible swallow before she continued, “I know there are scars we can never heal.” she sighed and cleared her throat, “Believe me when I say I understand. So Mista death glare can rest assured that I've only dressed his wounds.”

“He didn’t have anything too serious,” she quickly added and Heero felt the tenseness in the body next him ease. “Malnourished, suffering from severe exhaustion, stress-bruised… I'll need to check his ribs after you two are done cuddling,” her voice wavered as if she was shaking her head at something, and then she snickered while pots clanked in the kitchen.  

“The tea mixture helping?”

“Yea. Despite it tasting like a bunch of crushed leaves in tar and me sounding like hell warmed over, I can talk. The light headed dizziness doesn’t make me want to puke too much anymore.”

“That’d be vertigo. Good. It will help replenish your strength, settle your stomach and ease some of the ache of disuse in your limbs. There’s more in the kettle and if you can, get him to drink some, it will help him too. I made some light meals on the table if either of you can stomach them. I strongly recommend you try, especially your bonded.”

He frowned, he wasn't following the conversation just hearing pieces like he wasn’t completely there. The body next to him shifted when he moved his head to nod and Heero wondered if this was what being asleep, but not, felt like for Duo.
“I’m just happy Quat had me come here just in case. You’re going to have your hands full with him.” Heero heard the smile in her voice and he shifted with difficulty when the body next to him pressed closer.

“Yeah. Kitty-Quat, always making plans and contingencies. I'm glad to see that he still has family. More so that he has you and Trowa. He needs you all, even if he doesn't show it. All of this was so heavy on him. He got to the point where he had nearly given up on living and gave himself so little - valued himself even less. I don't ever want to see him brought that low again.”

“I know,” there was awe in her voice, “You… Talking with you feels so natural. It’s like I’ve always known you and… You seem so perceptive -wise.”

A raspy chuckle interrupted by breathy coughs shook the chest nearly on top of him with a twinge of discomfort. Even though Heero didn’t immediately recognize their voices, he didn't feel threatened. Soon, he came to realize what the discomfort was – it was his body telling him he had hurt more than just his nose in his journey to Abbadon. The rapidly awaking ache was from the pressure against his chest.

“Nah, just talking from personal experience and what I remember.” The legs intertwined with his squeezed him, “Quatre would be the wise one, really. I’m no older than him.”

“I know, but still.”

He nearly groaned when the steady drum of his heart beat fed into his growing headache as he forced himself to wakeup. Something should be wrong, but it wasn’t. His body was heavy and uncooperative. He stiffened as fingers traced the crease in his brow.

“Wakey-” there were several coughs before the speaker spoke again. “Wakey, wakey. You didn’t bring me all the way here just to take my place,” the bed shifted and he felt hair brush his face before something pressed against his forehead. “Come on, you’re sleeping way too much beautiful.”

Heero’s bloodshot eyes shot open as the raspy voice became clearer. The pounding of his heart felt strange in his chest, and the pain in his head was forgotten as he stared into blue-violet eyes an inch away from his own. Duo sat up before Heero could process what he had seen; before he could sort through the mint and herb poultice permeating the air around his nose and recognize Duo’s scent.

Duo accepted a cup from a girl, no woman, Heero saw in his peripherals with lightly curled, pale brown hair that stopped a little past her chin. She was forgotten when Duo’s tired eyes focused back on him. Heero took in his every movement; the way his eyes drooped when he blinked, the dimpling of his cheeks when he shakily smiled down at him.

On impulse, Heero watched his own trembling hand reach up to Duo’s face with a detached sort of interest and then he stopped it short of its goal. It shook near Duo’s face, but never made contact with his cheek. He wanted to touch him, bring him close again, feel him, but doubt had stopped him. What would happen if he tried to touch him and it faded into one of his many recurring nightmares? He feared he would not recover from one as real as this one.

Duo arched a brow at him, his mussed bangs sticking off from his head in tangled angles. Duo cupped the back of his hand and Heero’s breath hitched in his throat. Duo pressed the side of his face into his bandaged palm and nuzzled. At the warm press of lips to the chilled skin of his palm, Heero remembered to breathe again.

“I'm real, ‘Ro. We’re not dreaming.” Duo wiggled his fingers until they slipped between Heero’s clenched ones and squeezed, kissing the backs of their interlaced fingers.

Heero stared, afraid to blink, as the blue-violet orbs he had longed to see glanced at the other person in the dwelling. From the direction Duo was playfully glaring in, Heero figured the girl was somewhere near the fire pit. He could hear her snickering, but he didn’t bother to see why. He was captivated by Duo’s animated face and the way his eyes changed in the low light of the dwelling.  

“If only the others could return sooner and see you two!”

He watched Duo take one of the pillows from the bed and try to throw it at her. When it fell short, Duo picked up another one and tossed it sideways like one would skip stones across the water and a yelp like squawk made Heero blink.

“I’m going! I’m going! You’re supposed to kiss him awake you know!” Heero watched the pale face flush with color and loved how it all settled into a blush that spread across Duo’s cheeks. The girl’s grumbling grew fainter the further away she went.

“Damn that Iria.” Duo grumbled lowly with a shake of his head before those violet eyes returned to him. “Hey.”

He blinked, his eyes watering as he accepted what was right in front of him and forced himself to let go of the doubt. “Duo.”

Duo’s eyes darkened, his brows arched as he dove down to kiss him. The kiss pushed him into pillow, his teeth clacked together and he flinched when their noses bumped in Duo’s enthusiasm. Duo pulled back long enough to wiggle further down into the bed before he claimed his lips again.

Heero discovered Duo’s hair was loose when it fell around them, concealing their faces. He ran his hand through it once, before letting his hand rest on the back of Duo’s head, surrounded by Duo. Heero gasped, his lips trembling against Duo’s when he felt the familiar warmth from their connection fill his chest as if it had never left him.

“Gah, ‘Ro! When you say my name like that..!” Duo panted, while he rested his forehead against his and closed his eyes as his body shook. “When I’m not so messed up and you’ve recovered, I'm gonna I jump your bones!”

Heero snorted out a helpless laugh and didn’t admit the hot trails of happiness running into his ears were anything other than that. He loved the burn Duo made him feel with his suddenly husky voice. He shivered. Regrettably, his shivering wasn’t due to arousal. The heat he felt between them was making him nauseous and his body ached in ways he had stubbornly ignored for far too long. He needed rest.

His ears twitched and he knew the others were nearby, but respectfully giving them privacy. Now that Duo was back, he would entrust their friends with the task of protecting them. He kissed Duo chastely once before turning them both to lie on their sides. He put some distance between them, but kept his arms around him.

“Missed you.” he said thickly, eyes already closing on him.

Duo smiled, keeping the distance between them without asking anything and sliding his hands under Heero's tunic for a little more contact. “Love you, ‘Ro.”

Heero’s eyes widened at that. The shock of hearing the unexpected words banked exhaustion’s pull. Duo glanced away from him; blush still high on his cheeks.

“Just so you know.” Duo muttered, eyes slanting to stare at him through the corners before he focused them fully back on him. Heero felt his mouth twitch as Duo’s fingers brushed along his jaw line until his thumb settled on his lower lip. “If I get a smile like that every time, I’ll make sure I tell you as much as I can.”

He hadn’t even noticed he was smiling. He didn’t know what to say to Duo after that so he didn’t say anything and gave Duo a peck to his lips. The throb from his head had him in a half dozed soon after. The need to make sure Duo was there was still too much of a habit for him to really relax and sleep like he should. On reflex, Heero’s arms clenched around Duo whenever sleep would try to pull him under and he would jerk to semi-consciousness again. There was movement in the outer rooms and he struggled to sit up.

“Rest well.” he heard Quatre whisper and a touch to the faint stubble on his cheek had him focusing sleep heavy, azure eyes to see a smiling, drowsy Duo.

“I’m here,” the tension left him and he slept.

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