Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Silent Series ❯ Silent Reflection ( Chapter 5 )

Author's notes and warnings: Hello! *waves* This chapter contains mild lemon. Please proceed with caution. ^_^

This chapter was also a bit difficult to write… it's not as fast paced as the previous chapter… they are all in one place… There are some flashbacks explaining Trowa and Duo as well as some peeks at the time Heero and Duo broke up. I hope you enjoy!

Thank you JKB, Black Beauty, Maldoror, Hee-kitty and Lynhares67 for your reviews and encouragements. I'm really glad that you like the story so far. ^__^

Special thanks goes to my favorite beta as always…*hugs Hitari-chan* Arigatou, na no da!

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The Silent Series: Chapter Five - Silent Reflection

By Moonraven
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Relena growled and slammed the bedroom door shut behind her, leaving her two bodyguards to discuss their `plans' alone. They both could be so maddening it was a miracle she hadn't throttled either one of them… and SHE was a pacifist!

Relena smiled apologetically at Trowa and Quatre who looked up from their work in surprise. They were sitting on the floor around the coffee table where the disassembled parts of their communicators lay. When seeing that she wasn't going to break anything - she was angry enough to do much more damage than a beam cannon, they looked at each other then shrugged and turned back to the scattered parts in front of them.

Relena sighed and looked around the room for something to do. Duo was sitting on the wide windowsill with his arms wrapping casually around one drawn up leg, the other dangling carelessly. His attention was riveted to the scene outside the window but Relena was sure that he was quite aware of her presence. She walked up to stand on the other side of the window and peered over his knee down to the courtyard below.

"Hello, Duo." She greeted quietly. "What are they doing?"

Without looking away from the men below, Duo replied, "The Maguanacs are replacing the Preventers agents. It's not completely foolproof but it's much better than what we had before." Then he turned and looked inquiringly at her. "What did they do now?"

Relena made a face. "I think they both put me on ignore mode or something. It's like I don't exist."

Duo nodded understandingly. "They're trying to keep you safe, princess. Heero's plans are usually pretty good, but he's gotta be focused."

"It's more like a `what Relena can't do' list than a plan." Relena grumbled.

Duo snorted and shook his head. "You have to admit, Relena, you're getting pretty good at ditching your security detail. I don't envy anyone assigned to watch you. Poor Wufei."

Relena made another face at him but didn't reply. He was right after all. Duo smiled at her before tuning his attention out the window once more and Relena couldn't help feeling uneasy. Duo's usually cheerful smile didn't quite reach his eyes this time and Relena wasn't sure if there was something she could do.

After a short silence, Duo suddenly asked quietly, "So, where is Heero off to this time?"

"I don't know. I thought-doesn't it have something to do with what happened last night?"

A pause. "Yeah, probably."

Relena tilted her head, slightly puzzled.

"Duo--"

"Is Heero alright, Relena?" He didn't turned to face her but the tense set of his shoulders told her that this wasn't just a polite inquiry.

"I think so… er… for Heero, that is." Relena turned around and leaned her back against the wall next to the window. Trowa and Quatre were still working quietly in the middle of the room, their attention engrossed to the task at hand.

"There was a time when I thought he'd lost it… mentally, that is." Relena continued thoughtfully. "I thought that he may need a long break but that was close to three years ago. Other than that, Heero is… Heero."

"What happened?"

"He went on assignment… I think it was an old laboratory on the moon." Relena could still remember the lost look in Heero's eyes when he'd returned. That look turned pained and then later devastated altogether. She had never seen anyone who looked so utterly defeated before and Heero at that time appeared to have given up on everything.

"He was trained there for a time, I believe. What ghastly time he must have had for it to still affect him so horribly… after so many years." Relena closed her eyes at the sad memory. How she had wanted to hold him and comfort him then. "He disappeared shortly after that, leaving only a note saying that he'd be back. Three months later he showed up at my door and he was the same old Heero again." Relena turned to look at the quiet young man next to her. Duo had not moved and his eyes still fixed on the men below but Relena knew by the tightness of his lips that he was hanging on to every word she'd said.

"Duo? Can I ask you something?"

Duo didn't reply for the longest time that Relena had second thoughts about asking her question.

"You sure you wanna know?" Duo asked.

"If you don't mind." Relena continued to watch the solemn young man. She was sure she had never seen Duo Maxwell this somber… in fact he was almost melancholy.

Duo turned and studied her face carefully. Then he turned back to the window and asked, "You want to know about Heero and I."

YES! Relena wanted to shout but would that be prying too much into their personal affairs? The look of total confusion on Duo's face and the regret and sadness she saw in Heero the previous night had been a shock to Relena. How… what… when…? So many questions ran through her mind yet she could not find the strength to ask any of them. Was she so completely blind? Did the others know?

Then Wufei's words came back to her… "…all of us, including Duo, believed it was true." Now she understood the significance of that remark. How Duo must have hated her.

"Duo… I'm so sorry." Relena rested a hand briefly on his arm then snatched it away quickly when she felt him tense.

"Don't worry about it, princess, it was a long time ago." He turned to flash her a beatific smile that once again didn't quite reach his eyes.

"But you still love him." Relena whispered.

Duo frowned at that and for a brief moment, Relena thought that he might deny it but he just shrugged carelessly.

"Yeah, well, you know him. He's… unique. Sets his own broken bones, bends steel bars, survives a big ass explosion-damn, Relena, even the friggin' Gundam didn't make it out in one piece but Heero… give him a month and he's back kicking ass again." Duo shook his head and smiled sadly at her. "He's a hard act to follow, you know?"

"Were you two…" She trailed off; searching for the right word and was thankful when Duo beat her to it.

"Yeah, we were." He said softly.

"I-I think he still loves you too." Relena offered though she wasn't sure why he would believe her. Again Duo didn't reply but his eyes continued to study her. "He never went out with anyone and I've never seen him look at anyone else the-the way he'd looked at you."

Before Duo could reply, a small sound from the middle of the room had Relena turning her attention towards the two young men by the coffee table. Quatre's face was almost completely glued to the parts in Trowa's hand as the taller man patiently explained something to him. Relena couldn't help the small smile that appeared on her face as she watched them. They seemed so natural together, as if… as if…

Relena blinked then turned back to Duo. He was watching them with a small smile too. Then he looked at her and winked playfully.

"You noticed it too?"

Relena nodded mutely as her mind went in the direction she hadn't anticipated. Were ALL the pilots gay?

"You mind telling them?" Duo motioned to the oblivious pair with his head. "'Cause they sure as hell don't get it."

"Um…" She glanced briefly at Trowa and Quatre again then looked down at her hands, which were suddenly very interesting. "Are… well…" Relena swallowed hard. "Do all the Gundam pilots… er… like each other?" Relena groaned internally; that sounded so lame.

"Yeah, we like each other. We have to princess, or we can't work together." There was decidedly laughter in Duo's voice. He knew what she was asking but he sure wasn't making it easy for her!

Relena chose to ignore it. "So… if you and Heero… and Trowa and Quatre…" Relena paused, thinking hard. "Wh-what about Wufei?"

"Ah… I don't know if Wufei's gonna appreciate me discussing his sexuality with you, Relena, but he WAS married… and to a woman…" There was that amused tone in his voice again and Relena would have loved to see what the young man was thinking if she wasn't blushing so furiously. Of course she'd known that, she'd seen files on all the pilots but that didn't really say much seeing that Duo had also went off with a woman for a while after the first war.

At that moment, Quatre gave a triumphant shout and both she and Duo turned their attention to their friends on the floor. Quatre held up a communicator and waved it at them happily. Trowa was looking at the laughing young man next to him with what could only be described as awe. Then as suddenly as it appeared, it was gone and by the time Quatre looked over to his friend, Trowa's expression was once again shuttered. The brunette made a noncommittal comment then got up and went into the kitchen.

Quatre's face fell and he stared back down at the earpieces on the table uncertainly.

Relena blinked confusedly. What on earth had she just witnessed? Next to her Duo hissed and muttered under his breath.

"Excuse me, Relena while I go pound some sense into a certain jackass." Duo didn't wait for her reply but hopped off his seat and marched purposefully towards the unsuspecting Trowa.

Relena turned her attention back to Quatre. He looked sad as he arranged the assembled communication pieces on the table and Relena noticed that his hands were shaking slightly. She went over and sat down on the floor next to him.

"Wow, I don't know much about these things but this looks pretty good, Quatre." She said as she picked up an earpiece and study it. It looked exactly like the one she'd used the previous night, Quatre was no amateur after all.

Quatre gave her a small smile. "Thank you. It's been a while and they've changed the schematics somewhat. Still…" Quatre glanced anxiously at the two young men in the kitchen. "I guess I'm just too slow."

Relena tilted her head to the side as she looked at him curiously. "Compared to what?"

"I…" Quatre frowned as he thought about this then his eyes drifted to the kitchen again. Relena followed his gaze to where Duo was enthusiastically jabbing Trowa's chest with his finger while hissing angrily at the taller man.

"You mean Trowa?" Relena put the piece down gently and looked at Quatre again. "Were you expecting to be as fast as him?"

Quatre blinked at her for a few seconds then shook his head. "I haven't done anything like this in years and even then, Trowa was always much more adept at it."

Relena nodded in satisfaction. "Then I think you did remarkably well, don't you?" And before Quatre could come up with a reason to think otherwise, Relena changed the subject. "I didn't know representative Tamar has a son in politics." She had found out who the young man was from her brother that night.

Quatre's face lightened visibly and he nodded. "I didn't either. This is the first time Azir… I mean Mr. Rasha… accompanies his father on diplomatic trips."

"I guess having different last names threw me off as well. Do you know him personally?" Relena asked casually as she fitted an earpiece on and picked up a pin.

"Yes, we went to school together on L4 before the war. You're right about the name; he's using his mother's." Quatre watched her test the unit curiously. "Can you hear the other agents?"

Relena nodded and grimaced. "They're really noisy. Why do you have to listen to them? Why can't you get rid of them while you're at it?"

Quatre took an earpiece and listened in. "We need to know if anything suspicious is going on. And not only can they not hear us but we've made it so that even secure channels within the Preventers organization can be accessed here. We don't know how involved this whole thing is."

Relena removed her earpiece and shook her head briskly. "It's making me dizzy."

Quatre smiled and nodded. "Me too. It does take getting used to."

Relena sighed and looked toward the window. "We're lucky to have your Maguanacs, Quatre. Thank you."

"You're welcome. They are always eager to help. And now that the mystery around my would-be assassin is solved, everyone can breathe just a bit easier."

"Trowa doesn't seem convinced that the dead man was the one threatening your life. Why would he detonate the bomb when he was still in range…?" Relena turned back to Quatre uncertainly.

Quatre shrugged. "I don't know. Vincent Argon wasn't a soldier; I'm guessing that he's not too familiar with explosives. Even when he tried to blow up the convention last time, it wasn't even close to where I was. This time he'd just made the biggest mistake of his life."

"I just never thought that firing someone would drive them to such an extreme."

"Vincent was always a bit ruthless, that's why I had to let him go. I couldn't allow him to remain on the board of directors." Then his frown turned troubled. "He was never too clever but vengeance and desperation can sometimes drive a man past his limits."

"But a stupid man doesn't usually become a genius just because he's desperate." Trowa's voice interrupted them and Relena turned to see the tall Preventers agent looking down at them.

"He wasn't exactly stupid, Trowa, nor had he turned genius." Quatre sighed tiredly.

"He managed to send you numerous threats undetected and had eluded us for three months."

"Maybe we've just been overestimating him, that's why we couldn't see…" Quatre trailed off when he saw that he wasn't going to convince Trowa.

Relena sympathized with him. If this conversation was going to take the same turn as it did a few hours ago, it was going to be a long discussion indeed.

Duo came up to stand by Trowa's elbow and said, "Look, I have to agree with Tro here, Quatre. I don't think it's safe for you to go out on this date just yet."

Quatre reddened immediately and protest. `It's NOT a date! I'm going to have lunch with my friend. That is all. Besides, Abdul and Milon will be going with us, so I'm not completely without a babysitter!"

Trowa ignored the last comment but his eyes did narrow slightly. "That's not good enough. If you insist on this nonsense, I'm going with you."

Relena wanted to crawl away from this whole conversation but she remained frozen and hopefully unnoticed. She silently agreed with Trowa and Duo; the situation may not be as safe as Quatre thought it was but she also understood what Quatre was going through. Wasn't it just two days ago that she'd tried to run off without Wufei?

"Fine!" Quatre retorted angrily. "But you have to stay out of sight as well, just like Abdul and Milon."

Trowa's eyes remained narrowed but aside from that Relena could see nothing that might indicate what he was thinking. "I'm not a Maguanac, Quatre. I don't answer to you. If you want to have lunch with Azir Rasha so badly, you're going to have to do it with me at the table." Trowa's voice was soft and low as he continued. "I'm still in charge of your security, Quatre. You're damn lucky I'm letting you go at all." With that said, Trowa turned on his heels and went out the front door.

Relena swallowed and turned from the exit to the shaking blond next to her. Quatre was furious.

She looked up at Duo nervously; she had never seen Quatre like this before and from the look on Duo's face, she guessed that he hadn't seen it very often either.

"Q. He's just worried, man, really worried." Duo intervened on his Trowa's behalf. "You don't know how he feels about... this whole thing"

"That's because he doesn't talk to me, Duo." Quatre didn't look up at Duo, his gaze remaining fixed on the surface of the coffee table. "Don't you think I want to know how he feels? What he thinks? He's so closed to me I can't even FEEL him." Quatre emphasized by tapping at his chest.

Relena felt like she shouldn't be there; it seemed awfully personal. She should excuse herself and get away but she couldn't bring herself to interrupt them.

"Quatre---" Duo started but Heero and Wufei chose that moment to open the bedroom door and came out. Both men were still discussing something and Relena jumped at the chance, literally, to get away.

"Excuse me." She mumbled to Quatre and made her way to her bodyguards. They looked at her as she approached, both were clearly surprised that she was actually seeking them out.

She walked right between them and hooked an arm around each of theirs then pulled them back into the bedroom.

"Relena, what are you doing?" Heero asked, pulling his arm free as she closed the door.

Wufei remained silent as he raised an eyebrow at her.

"Goodness, I've never felt so much tension as when I'm around all of you together." Relena pressed a hand to her chest and panted mockingly as emphasis. "I thank you both for rescuing me. That was getting uncomfortable."

Heero and Wufei looked at each other silently then they both turned and gave her a questioning look.

"Do you mean Trowa and Quatre?" Wufei asked.

"Yes!" She smiled gratefully at him, glad that he knew what she was talking about. "Not to mention Heero and Duo." She added.

Heero nearly choked at the comment but Wufei threw back his head and laughed out loud.

"I'm glad you find this so amusing." Heero muttered darkly.

Wufei cleared his throat and grinned at Heero. "You have to hand it to her, we all thought the same thing… for the past three years and it took Relena what, two days to voice it out?" Wufei's grin got bigger. "Any comments?"

Heero narrowed his eyes warningly at his friend. "I have a shuttle to catch. See you sometime tomorrow."

Relena recovered slowly from the brilliance of Wufei's smile to blink at Heero. "Where ARE you going, Heero?"

Heero turned to pick up his bag and headed for the door. "I have a few things to look into. Be good, Relena."

Relena pouted and wished for something to throw at Heero's back. Be good indeed!

When the door closed behind Heero, Relena found herself alone with Wufei. The tall, usually enigmatic man was looking at her curiously, amusement clearly glinting in his black eyes. When he gave no indication of moving away or speaking, Relena found her face warming up.

This was completely insane. How many times was she forced to stay in one room - with a bed - with Heero or another bodyguard Heero had stuck her with? The air was never this… charged. She was never as aware of any of them as she was aware of Wufei. This wouldn't do, she was behaving like a ridiculous schoolgirl, admittedly like she was when she had stalked Heero so long ago.

Relena pulled a face when she thought of herself during those times. Heero had made her feel so warm and tingly… very much like Wufei was doing now. Relena groaned. Not again… This can't be happening again and to another stoic Gundam pilot, no less. What was it with her and painfully silent men?

"Are you alright?" Wufei asked, clearly amused. "You're making all kinds of faces."

Relena colored some more. Darn it! "I was just… thinking about how stubborn Heero is." Ri~ght…

Wufei nodded, clearly not buying it though he offered, "They both are."

"You knew… about them?" Relena asked, looking up at him in earnest.

Wufei considered the question for a moment then he nodded. "Yes, I did."

Relena wanted so badly to asked Wufei about the two men but it wasn't her place even if it was because she cared about her friends. She wasn't sure he would tell her anyway. Wufei didn't seem the type for idle gossips.

"I feel so responsible somehow." She whispered as she lowered her gaze to her hands. "I was so stupid…"

In front of her Wufei remained silent as he listened to her.

"Had I known…" She continued but trailed off abruptly. Apparently Wufei was going to allow her to struggle alone. The man was still unmoving and silent in front of her. "Was I so clueless?" She looked up into his dark inscrutable eyes in frustration. "I-what can I do, Wufei?"

Wufei studied her for a long moment, his black eyes searching. When he spoke, his voice was low and soft. "That all depends on what you want, Relena."

Relena blinked up at him, her mind racing. What she wanted was for them to find some peace… all of them including the man in front of her though she wasn't sure what it was that Wufei needed. They had done so much and yet they hadn't found the rewards for all of their sacrifices.

"I just want everyone to be happy." She finally whispered.

"Everyone? That's a tall order, Relena. I don't think that even the former queen of the world could fill that one." Wufei's voice was neutral but gentle, giving none of his thoughts away. What did he mean? That it was all hopeless and that they were all doomed to live unhappy, lonely lives?

Relena shook her head. "No, I refuse to believe that." They deserve so much more.

This time Wufei's brows rose skeptically. "A bit egotistical I think if you believe you can make EVERYONE happy, Relena. It isn't a realistic goal."

Relena frowned up at him. "But if they love each other, surely they can be happy together?"

Wufei blinked at her for a few seconds then his eyes widened in realization. "I see. You meant Heero and Duo."

"And Trowa and Quatre. You knew about them too, didn't you?"

Wufei's brows creased as he stared down at her. "I don't think you should meddle--"

"Meddle?" Relena's voice rose dramatically. "I'm NOT meddling… merely correcting something that I had inadvertently caused. Well, at least in Heero and Duo's case. It all seems to start when I asked him to permanently head my security. So it's expected of me to fix it."

"By whom?" Wufei asked, his voice rising a bit as well. "There're things involved that you don't understand, Relena. Leave them be."

"But did you see how unhappy everyone is? They skirt around the issue like it doesn't exist or that nobody could see it but they're wrong. If we could just--"

"WE?" Wufei shook his head as he interrupted her. "There're too many people in `WE'. If you're not going to stay out of it then at least leave ME out of it."

"But Wufei…" Relena took a step closer to the scowling man. "Aren't you supposed to be my shadow until Heero gets back?" She looked innocently up at him. "And aren't you supposed to keep me from getting into trouble?"

"Exactly. So stay away from meddling in the guys' love life. THAT's trouble."

"You're welcome to try and stop me, Wufei, but need I remind you about a certain phone call I hadn't yet made to the authorities concerning a certain assault charge?"

"Relena!" Wufei's face darkened as he took a step towards Relena who prudently took two steps back.

"Oh, by the way," Relena continued with a smile. "Do YOU have a love interest that needs nudging?"

This time Relena didn't wait to see how many steps Wufei would take. She spun around and flitted out of the room, which seemed to be a pattern in her dealings with Wufei

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Duo went back to sitting on the window and watched Heero leave without a comment. There was time for all that later… after Heero was done with Sally. Heero may not have told anyone where he was going but Duo remembered his conversation with the genetic specialist the other day. Part of him wanted to follow Heero and find out just what the hell was going on. Something was wrong and Heero wasn't talking. No surprises there.

The other part of him, the one that obviously won, needed time. He still wasn't sure how to take the fact that Heero was not in love with Relena, never had been. Then why the hell did he leave? Duo was afraid to find out. If he couldn't blame Relena, then it must be him - Duo. He must have done something to make Heero leave. Did he even want to know what?

He'd thought everything was good between them… there was even talk of marriage the night before Heero left…
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Their lovemaking was desperate, as it always was when one of them was going off on a mission alone. This time, Heero was to escort Relena to a conference on the moon and while there, retrieve some data from an old laboratory. Simple mission with very low risk factor, Duo should have no problem but he did… he would be without Heero for two whole weeks.

"Heero." He breathed as his lover moved above him, gliding smoothly in and out of his body. He loved the way Heero felt inside him, full, hard and unyielding. "Oh god…" He moaned at a particularly direct strike. That felt so… fucking good.

Heero was silent as he continued his tireless thrusts. Duo could never understand his lover's control, there were times when Heero would bring him to multiple orgasms and the man could still hold off his own. This was definitely one of those nights. He had to hand it to J; the old freak sure knew what he was doing when he enhanced Heero.

"Ah!" Duo threw back his head and cried out as he emptied his seed onto his lover's hand. Heero nuzzled the side of Duo's neck and pressed himself along Duo's back.

"Enough?" Heero's husky voice was laced with mirth as he gave Duo a few more short thrusts.

Duo panted and leaned back into his lover, exposing more of his neck to Heero's attack. "Dude…" Duo gasped when Heero clamped his mouth over Duo's neck and began to suckle. "Remind me never to issue that challenge again. You're bleeding me dry here."

Heero chuckled into his neck and resumed his long, slow strokes. Duo whimpered helplessly. Heero was trying to kill him… he was sure of it.

When Heero was finally convinced the Duo would not live through another orgasm, he sped up his thrusts and came with a muffled grunt. He rolled of his lover and pulled Duo against him in a tired but tender embrace. Duo snuggled against Heero, burying his face in the other man's shoulder, sighing contentedly if not exhaustedly. Clean up was just gonna have to wait.

"Ne, Heero." He mumbled. "When you get back…" He stopped, wondering if he should bring it up at all.

When Duo didn't continue, Heero prompted him gently. "When I get back… what?"

"Nothing. We can talk then."

Heero pulled Duo to lie on top of him. "Tell me now."

Duo leaned his forehead against Heero's, their noses touching. "Marry me."

Heero blinked and stared silently up at him. Duo lifted his head slightly and gave Heero a small smile. "Told you to wait til you come back."

At Heero's stunned silence, Duo's heart sank. He should never have brought it up. Things were fine between them. Heero loved him - he KNEW that. He didn't need a ring or a license to tell him that… but that was what normal people do wasn't it? Grow up, get married, have kids… Oh, he didn't even want to touch THAT one. Marriage was high enough a hurdle at the moment.

"It's okay, Heero. It doesn't matter." He gave Heero a quick kiss then tried to roll off his lover but Heero's arm around his waist held him tight.

Duo looked down into the serious blue eyes and caught his breath. Various emotions flashed behind Heero's usually guarded expressions making Duo's chest ache at the thought that only HE was allowed this privilege. Heero would never allow anyone to see how vulnerable he really was.

Duo pressed another quick kiss on Heero's lips then each of his eyes. "It's okay, Heero. We can wait. Really."

"Are you sure?" There was a slight tremor in Heero voice. Duo snaked his arms around Heero's neck and pressed himself closer to the other man.

"Yes, Heero, I'm sure. I'm just being silly. If you're happy with us, then I am too. I love you." He pressed his cheek up against Heero. "So much."

"I love you too." Heero's hold on him tightened as he turned his head and kissed Duo's cheek. "But I meant are you sure you want to get married."

Duo pushed himself up and looked down at his lover. Heero looked uncertain. "Only if you want to, Heero."

"This is part of the `normal life' you've been craving."

"Yes but---"

"I'm not… normal, Duo." Heero's uncertain look changed to one of frustration, as he looked away, unwilling for Duo to see the pain in his eyes. The memories of his training and the drugs used to enhance him clearly troubled the young man.

Duo took Heero's face between his hands then turned Heero back to face him. "You are what you want to be Heero. Don't EVER let anyone tell you otherwise. And as for being normal, you're definitely normal enough for Shinigami, ne?"

Heero searched his face for a few moments then he nodded. "Okay."

Duo blinked. "Okay… what? You mean… YES? You'll marry… ME?"

Heero nodded again, a slow smile spreading across his handsome face. "Baka. Who else would I marry?"

Duo grinned back happily and rained tiny kisses all over Heero's face. "God, Heero. Are you sure? Only if you're sure, okay? I'm not making you do this, am I? Not forcing you?"

Heero laughed and held Duo's face still then proceeded to shut him up the only way he knew how. By kissing him senseless. "Baka." Heero said again and rolled Duo under him. "As if you could make me do anything I don't want to."

Duo grinned happily as he pulled Heero back down for another kiss. He couldn't wait for the mission to start so it could be finished… then Heero could come back to him and they could start their `happily ever after'.
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But things never turn out the way you want them to, do they? No. Heero never came back from that mission and they never did start anything else let alone `happily ever after'. Heero stayed with Relena as head of her security detail, a separate branch of Preventers that only served the princess. Three months after Heero left, Duo received a video message. Heero didn't even have the guts to break up with him in person. The bastard had recorded a message and MAILED it to him. Asshole!

Duo recalled the strange distant look in Heero's features as the man told him that it was over... that Duo should move on and that he really wasn't ready or willing to be tied down to anyone. At the time, Duo was so distraught he could only stare at the video. Now as he thought back… something was definitely off with Heero. But what?

"There was a time when I thought he'd lost it… mentally, that is."

"He disappeared shortly after that, leaving only a note saying that he'd be back. Three months later he showed up at my door and he was the same old Heero again."

That was when Heero sent him the accursed message. What happened on the moon? What had happened to Heero? Was he worrying about the `normal' thing again? Heero knew it was important to Duo - to try and start a normal life after the fiasco that was their childhood. Was that the reason? Why hadn't he thought of that before? Why hadn't he tracked Heero down and confronted the man? Why didn't he try to find out…?

God… Duo closed his eyes and leaned his head back against wall. He was so hurt all he could think about was forgetting Heero. He never thought that Heero's insecurities could be the reason for the man leaving him…

And then the thing with Trowa happened. Duo groaned and banged the back of his head gently on the wall.

It was months after he'd received the god-awful message from Heero. Duo did everything to forget the man but he couldn't. The only time he could briefly put his pain aside was when he was drunk stupid or in a sexual frenzy, and Duo was too much of career soldier to let alcohol control him. So it was the sex that saved his sanity.

With Trowa, it was different. It was so much fun teasing Trowa; the man was just as expressionless as Heero. It was safe. He didn't have to worry because Trowa was in love with Quatre. But he had been wrong and Trowa became the next biggest fuck-up of his life.

The incident that started it all flashed across his mind; the heat of the summer, the urgency of their bodies still burned fresh in his memory…

It was at one of Quatre's many mansions. They were having a pool party and Duo was teasing Trowa one time too many...
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Trowa pushed him roughly against the wall of the tool shed behind the house. His body pressing up fully against Duo and the braided man took in a sharp breath at the hardness pushing into his hips. They were both bare except for the swimming trunks and the heat of Trowa's body seared through the cloth, branding Duo's body with it's intent.

"Stop." Trowa said between gritted teeth.

"Wh-what am I doing?" Duo was breathless; his body began to ache in response to Trowa's.

"Stop teasing me." It was rare to see Trowa this close to losing control and Duo found that it sent a strange kind of thrill up his spine.

"Is that what I'm doing?" His eyes drifted to the tightly pressed lips of his friend. He was really fucked up, what the hell was he doing? This was Trowa!

"I'm warning you, Duo. If you don't stop and soon, so help me I'll screw you until you can't walk." Trowa's emerald eye burned with the promise.

Duo blinked. "What about Quatre?"

"What about him?" Trowa asked blandly.

"You… I thought you and him…"

"You thought wrong. There's nothing between Quatre and I."

Duo couldn't stop his body even if he tried. All the flaunting and teasing he'd done all day was wearing away at his control as well and since Trowa wasn't with Quatre…

Duo pressed forward, rubbing his arousal against the other man. Trowa took a sharp breath then growled deep in his throat as he leaned in and claimed Duo's mouth in a hungry kiss. After that Trowa had dragged him to a corner of the shed and true to his words, fucked him til he was a senseless but thoroughly sated mess.
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Duo sighed and slumped forward, resting his forehead on his knee. Trowa had lied. He really was in love with Quatre but for some stupid, stubborn reason, refused to tell the blond. When Duo had found out, their sexual relationship ended; Duo wasn't fucked up enough to ignore his conscience. God, what a mess his life was. Not only did he screw up his, he had to go and ruin Trowa and Quatre's as well. He knew Shinigami should stay away from people.

Life and Death just don't mix well together.

TBC…