Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Sky was Gray ❯ The Sky was Gray ( Chapter 1 )

The sky was a bleak mixture of gray and white. It reminded Duo of an easel so much that his hand itched to reach up and paint the sky with multicolored markers that made it shine magnificent shades of blue and yellow and even a bright snowy white. He wanted to draw lines of rainbows from one end to the other. If he could reach. But the sky was so far away.

Heero drove the car in silence while Duo studied the sky. It gave him something to do other than stare at the other and wonder why they couldn't seem to connect anymore. Duo was beginning to believe that weather mimicked his moods. Or his moods mimicked the weather. Maybe he had seasonal affective disorder; things always seemed to be better in summer and best during spring. Maybe once fall and winter passed he would laugh at himself for being so gloomy. He loved earth so much but sometimes he wondered if things would be simpler if he moved back to L2. Maybe things would be better if he got away from Heero.

He blinked. Where had that thought come from? His gaze moved to the boy beside him. Face impassive and eyes set on the road, no flicker of the eyes towards Duo. No sign he noticed that he was being watched. No sign that he was interested at all in looking at Duo. Maybe he was growing tired of him, seeing the same face all the time could be a drag when you weren't really in love. The bitter words that came from a place hidden inside him cut through Duo with a sharp and hollow pain.

They pulled into the driveway of their small gray house. Perhaps that had been a foreshadowing that neither of them had caught onto. Didn't catch onto, or simply not wanted to see? It seemed to reflect a lot about them, Duo mused. They'd bought this place together two years ago, but for some reason Duo couldn't really bring back the surges of love or passion he vaguely remembered having. He thought that maybe if he could fall into the memory the feelings would resurface, but they seemed to have died out long ago and even the god of death wasn't sure how to resurrect them.

Heero stood beside the car, waiting for Duo to get out. Duo didn't move. His body felt frozen. Something inside of him was clawing to get out, but if he sat there it would stay locked inside him. As soon as he walked out of the door it would all come pouring out. He held his breath, closed his eyes and stepped out of the car. He avoided looking at the house, the sky and especially Heero.

He couldn't understand it. Heero must have known what he was feeling; heck he must have been feeling it himself. It was so obvious. So painfully painfully obvious but neither would do anything about it. They just stayed the way they were and it was insane. Pointless and insane. Heero seemed so despondent and always closed himself off. Why was he avoiding it? Wasn't he supposed to be the stronger one? Wasn't he supposed to act on his god damned emotions? Duo was the one that ran and hid…and never told a lie. But he wasn't lying; he was just avoiding the truth. He was avoiding speaking in general.

He reached his hand out to touch Heero's arm. Heero jerked at the touch as if he had been burned by a drop of candle wax-it hurt but it was more the shock that caused the jerk. "Heero?"

Heero's gaze was neutral; with a little bit of curiosity in it and nothing else.

"Make…Make love to me?"

Heero leaned in and looked into his eyes briefly searching for a clue as to what was going on in Duo's mind. Finally he eliminated the distance between them but only in the physical sense, kissed him, wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him to their room. He felt Heero pulling his shirt above his head and he felt himself lift his hips to enable Heero to pull off his jeans and boxers. He felt Heero's caresses and lips dancing over his body, tingling and vibrating. He moved his hands down Heero's back and let himself be ravaged. But he still didn't feel like they were connecting. This was supposed to be the most intimate declaration of love. This had always worked before, not matter what before he had felt close to Heero when they made love.

Heero pulled his body up against his, slowly preparing them both. He was so gentle with him, so achingly sweet. But it was so blurry to Duo.

"Ready?"

Why is he asking me? Why?

"Ahuh." He murmured in agreement.

Heero pushed into him and began to move inside him, controlling himself, making it last.

Is it because it's our last time? Duo thought and closed his eyes. Does he sense something? Or is he finally unable to hide it? Heero tries to make things work he really does. He always does. He never gives up. I can't give up on him can I?

This time hurts more than all the other times put together.

Heero stroked him as he moved into him. Bodies wrapped around each other, intertwined, moving together in relaxed and familiar rhythm that comes from years of unity. And Duo still felt empty.

They don't come together, and Duo can't remember a time they ever did. Suddenly that day everything seemed to be coming together as signs and omens and foreshadowing that he just missed. It was like a story that left you feeling that you just should have known. The clues had been there the whole time. It was all written in the stars…the phrase plays in Duo's mind. I should know, I've seen them in detail.

Heero lay partially on top of him, arm draped across Duo's chest, one leg on top of Duo's, and his face buried next to his neck. Duo could hear his raspy breath in his ear and it was like a lullaby that you've heard your mother sing a thousand times. He knew the pattern in his sleep and he knew it was one he'd never forget even if he ever tried.

His eyes turned to look out the window. If the sky is blue, he thought, everything is ok. But if the sky is still gray than it will all remain the same. Duo looked and nothing had changed.