Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Sound of Silence ❯ Chapter 1

Author: Ryuen Nakashima

Pairings: 2x4, 1+R, 5+H, 6+9, 13+3

Archived: Not yet. None of my fics have a real home yet *sniff*

Setting: after wars

Rating: R

Warnings: British spelling/phraseology, angst, violence, lime, sap (not necessarily all in one chapter)

Disclaimer: Nothing GW related is mine. This story is. Nuff said.

The Sound Of Silence - Part 1

Duo wrapped his braid nervously around his fingers as he paced the hospital ward. His throat was tight and bone dry, he loosened his collar as relief from the way his temperature had soared and brushed his bangs from his face to stop them sticking with sweat.

"Maxwell, stop pacing like that," Wufei finally spoke up after an hour and a half of watching him fidget anxiously. "You'll make yourself ill."

Duo rounded menacingly on the Altron pilot. "Tell you what, when Hilde's critically ill in hospital and you can resist being just a little nervous, then I'll admit I should be a little calmer. But for now, Quatre is in surgery that the doctors think he might not live through, so you can just shut your mouth!"

Wufei shook his head sympathetically, and stood up, taking a bleary-eyed Deathscythe pilot by the shoulders. "Duo, I'm not criticizing you, not by any means. I'm worried about Winner too, but you need to stay calm for his sake. When comes home, he's going to be in pretty bad shape and he'll need you to be strong."

Duo bit his lip and blinked back tears. "I guess you're right… I'm almost afraid to ask, but do you think he'll get through this?"

Wufei hesitated. He knew Duo didn't like being lied to. "I'm not a doctor," he sighed dolefully. "But Quatre Raberba Winner, Sandrock pilot is not known for weakness, is he?"

"No… just situations like these make me feel so helpless," he replied, feeling slightly comforted by the fact that Wufei, the guy who could find fault with everyone, didn't consider Quatre weak. "It used to be that I'd be able to help him, no matter what. Now this happens and suddenly I'm… I'm completely out of control of everything."

"I know, I know. But Sally's a good doctor, I'm sure she'll be able to help him," Wufei said, giving Duo a reassuring smile.

Again, that rarity made Duo feel more comforted than it would have done coming from somebody else. Even so, he couldn't help but wonder if he could go on without Quatre. He'd often coined the phrase `I couldn't live without you' when they were speaking but he hadn't realized just how valid a point that was.

Could he honestly live without the boy he'd fallen in love with? He knew that Quatre wouldn't want him to commit suicide, and he would probably keep going for that reason alone. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't picture his future without him. He couldn't imagine ever being happy waking up alone and knowing that that was never going to change.

How could he get through the day without ever seeing those beautiful baby-blue eyes again? Or hearing that gentle, kind voice or running his hands through his soft, golden hair? Things that, although he not once took them for granted, would leave his life empty and worthless.

`There is no God,' he decided there and then. No even half-decent person would let something like this happen to Quatre, to anyone with such a beautiful disposition, and then let all the evil people in the world run around with no punishment.

There were so many things they'd never get to do together. They'd never go for another walk in the park or eat ice cream on the beach. They'd never see their engagement through.

He looked down at the ring on his finger. A tasteful, understated gold band with his lover's inscription on, almost identical to one he'd given Quatre except for the wording. They'd both given their own little, but equally thoughtful, sentiments to each other on those rings. A sentiment that Duo knew would make him completely lose all control at this point in time.

He put his hands in his pockets and cast a look across the room at Heero, who was sat with his head in his hands and Relena clinging onto his arm. The Wing Zero pilot was completely convinced that this mess was all his fault. The fact that nobody but himself was blaming him for the accident didn't seem to count for anything.

Since Heero had been the only one on the same mission as Quatre, he was naturally taking all the responsibility for it. He was so beside himself that he could barely even look at Duo, let alone make eye contact.

All four adolescents looked up as the door to the ward slowly creaked open.

It was Trowa.

"Sorry I'm late," he said quietly. "I just got the news and Treize is in Seattle right now. I called him but he isn't going to be back until tomorrow."

He stepped forward to give Duo a supportive hug, very disconcerted by the absence of the braided boy's cheerful smile. It was the first time he'd ever seen the Deathscythe pilot truly frightened.

The doors opened again a few seconds later and Sally stuck her head in, sending a stabbing sickness straight through Quatre's lover as she spoke. "Duo, can I speak with you privately?"

Heero felt his own gut twinge. `Privately… that's never good.'

Duo gritted his teeth and almost impossibly willed his legs to take a few steps forward. He felt desperate to fly into a frantic rage but kept Wufei's advice at the forefront of his mind.

Sally kept her head up and rested a hand on Duo's shoulder. "This is never an easy thing to say," she began uncertainly. "Quatre made it through surgery and he's just sleeping at the moment…"

The violet-eyed boy almost collapsed with relief and put a hand on the corridor's wall for support, grateful for the emptiness of the place. He looked up at Sally enquiringly. If Quatre was okay, why was she being so sombre?

"But his injuries are extremely serious," she continued hesitantly. "The force of the impact to the back of his head has completely destroyed some of the nerve-endings in his brain. Not too many," she added quickly to the look of horror on Duo's face. "But enough to eliminate language and literacy abilities."

Duo frowned in disbelief. "You mean like a sort of amnesia?" he asked with trepidation. "Does he know who he is?"

Sally nodded. "It isn't that kind of amnesia. He still has his memory and his intelligence but his communication skills have been erased. He understands everything but purely in a visual, emotional and physical way. He won't be able to speak to you or read or write."

"So…" Duo began, trying not to admit to the scepticism in his mind. "He's starting completely from scratch? He doesn't know *any* words?"

"That's right. But because of his age and extremely high intelligence it won't take him another seventeen years to learn it all again. Four, maybe five years at the most. Certain sounds and images will trigger a gut reflex and bring back a few odd words, but the sound or image has to run very deep in his mind to trigger it."

Duo felt tears sting in his eyes again but kept it to himself, knowing full well that Quatre needed him to be strong right now. He was just glad he had friends like the other Gundam pilots who would give him a shoulder to lean on.

One of the student nurses, a boy that was barely any older than Duo was, opened the door to Quatre's room. "Excuse me, Sally? He's just woken up."

Sally nodded, "Thanks Ein." She turned to Duo with a kind expression on her face. "Do you want to see him?"

"Yeah," he said, not trusting himself to say anymore than that without breaking down into floods of tears. `Dear God, I hope he really does remember me.'

Duo summoned up a reluctant smile and walked into Quatre's room to find him sat up in bed and looking around the room with a wide-eyed curiosity. His gaze gradually fell on his lover and prompted a reaction. "D- Duo?" he stammered apprehensively.

Duo's smile suddenly turned into a genuine grin on hearing his name and he sat next to the bed to take Quatre's hand. "You know me?" he asked incredulously.

Quatre frowned in obvious confusion and tilted his head. "Mmm?"

"Oh right…" Duo whispered. He had no idea what to do. Even if he told him everything was okay, Quatre wouldn't understand a word he was saying. `I wonder if he knows his own name…' "Quatre?"

The little blond frowned and hesitantly pointed to himself with a questioning look at Duo.

"Yeah that's right," the braided boy replied, nodding enthusiastically to give his words a visual reinforcement. Quatre smiled back and gripped Duo's hand tightly, reaching out to him with his free hand.

Duo immediately took his lover into his arms and embraced him affectionately, tenderly running his hands through the soft, golden blond hair. "I know you probably don't understand a word I'm saying Quatre," he began, his voice breaking under the emotional strain, "but… I really, really love you."

Quatre's confused frown deepened as if he was desperate to understand. He held his hand to his heart and looked at Duo imploringly. "L…l-love?" he said quietly, taking his hand from his heart to touch Duo's chest.

The braided boy nodded again and gave Quatre a sweet kiss on his cheek. His lover smiled, pointed to his heart again and whispered, "Love Duo."

Duo's smile broadened and he thought he was going to cry. He mirrored Quatre's actions and replied, "Love Quatre" before taking him back into a strong embrace, feeling his lover's tears run down his face and onto his shirt.

As if any more strength behind the tragedy was needed, Duo really felt the full force of the situation hit him then. `Quatre never cries about anything,' he thought, fighting back his own sobs when faced with his lover's silent shakes. `I wish I could make him feel better. I want to let him know he'll be alright… but I don't know how to deal with this at all.'

Quatre pulled away and dried his eyes on his wrist before making an attempt to ask a question.

He had an image of a very close friend, a boy the same age as he was, with scruffy dark brown hair and dressed in green top and white pants. He knew he cared about him very much, feeling the twinge in his gut when he summoned up the picture, and he also knew he needed to see he wasn't hurt.

As hard as he tried, Quatre just couldn't get the word on the tip of his tongue. The boy was associated with himself and two others (again, he couldn't remember their names). He suddenly got a picture of a big metal structure used for fighting that was also linked with his friend.

"Wing?" Quatre said curiously, raising his eyebrows and looking his lover in the eyes.

Duo frowned. "Wing? I don't understand… um…" he made a gesture that could easily be interpreted as `keep going' and tried to get more out of him.

Quatre shook his head. "Wing-" he repeated the word and looked around the room for help but found none. So he settled on motioning his arms to indicate something big. "Wing… g- wing gu…" he stammered, knowing that there was a second word that would help him explain.

The braided boy felt the absolute desperation radiating off him and searched around his mind. "Wing Gundam?

The Arabian nodded vigorously and tried to make a gesture for a person, then spotted a poster of the human body across the room and pointed to it.

Duo watched him curiously. "Body? …no. Person?" he asked as Quatre repeated his previous words. "Wing Gundam person… pilot! You mean Heero?"

"Heero," Quatre nodded and gave Duo a worried look.

Duo smiled at him and took his hand again. "Heero's okay," he replied kindly. Quatre just tilted his head and shrugged. "Oh… uh, Heero's *okay*" he said again, emphasizing the `okay' and giving his boyfriend the thumbs up. "Do you wanna see him… um… do *you* want to see Heero?" he said, pointing at Quatre and pulling his hands away from his eyes to indicate `seeing'.

"Wing… okay?" Quatre said confusedly.

Duo nodded. "I'll get him," he said, getting to his feet. The little blond grabbed his hand desperately and pulled it back. Duo locked eyes with Quatre's and felt a pang of guilt as he saw the fear and anxiety there. "I'm here, Quatre," he said, holding his lover in his arms again.

"Sally?" Duo shouted through the door. Sally entered and immediately saw the terrible state Quatre was in. "Can you get Heero for me? I think Quatre's worried about him."

"Sure, just a minute," she said amiably, closing the door quietly and leaving to get the Wing pilot.

Quatre tugged at Duo's shirt and pointed to the door. Duo kindly stroked his face, "Heero's coming to see you." The Sandrock pilot shook his head frantically. The braided boy looked at where he was pointing to. He wasn't pointing to the door, he was pointing to the window next to it.

He went to query Quatre's actions before Heero quietly opened the door and stepped inside.

The Japanese boy felt his sickness leave him on seeing Quatre's relaxed expression. "Quatre, you're okay," he whispered zealously, taking up a seat on the other side of the bed to Duo. "How do you feel? Are you in any pain?"

Quatre frowned confusedly at `Wing' and turned back to Duo.

Heero felt his heart pick up the pace again at the little blonde's odd behaviour. "What's wrong with him?"

"He doesn't understand you," he began and proceeded to explain the situation to Heero. "On top of that he doesn't know any of your names. He knows mine and his but he keeps calling you Wing."

`My Gundam… this is all my fault.' "Does he actually remember things?"

Duo shrugged, "Like I said it's just communication that he has a problem with. But he's feeling okay, right Quatre? Quatre's okay?"

Quatre smiled and nodded at Heero. "Okay. Um…" he trailed off and rubbed the back of his head, feeling the pain as the anaesthetic wore off.

"Your head hurts," Duo said sympathetically, "okay. Heero get Sally for me, would you?"

A few hours later, during which Quatre had dozed off with some sleep-inflicting painkillers, Heero had explained everything to their friends and Duo hadn't once left Quatre's bedside. After a total of nine hours, including surgery and Quatre's slumber, he'd told the others to go home but Heero had insisted on staying, even as his girlfriend went home to sleep.

"What's the time?" Duo asked as he kept hold of Quatre's hand and gazed at his restless face.

Heero glanced down at his wristwatch. "Five minutes to midnight," he remarked quietly.

"Oh…"

There was another long silence as Duo mulled the situation over in his mind. He remembered the times they sat for hours through the night talking about everything and nothing. Relishing the beautiful conversation they had whenever they were together. Quatre was one of the most intelligent people he'd ever known, his scientific mind, his knowledge of the arts and more than anything else, his vocabulary skills were incredible.

Now that was gone. Nothing would ever stop him from loving Quatre but it was going to be tough getting used to life without his sparkling dialogue.

`But this is something Sally said I could fix,' Duo wondered. `Then I will. I'll do it for him, I'll get his life back for him if it's the last thing I do.'

He glanced up at Heero who was still staring at the floor guiltily. "You know… you really don't have to hang about," Duo said. "I appreciate you staying, you're a great friend for doing this, but you should go home and rest."

Heero shook his head. "Don't mention it. It's the least I can do."

Duo sighed in frustration, "I'm not blaming you for this, Heero," he replied earnestly. "You weren't even anywhere near that building, you couldn't possibly have gotten there in time… nobody could." He paused and took a deep shaky breath to steady his speech. "Besides I'm gonna be here all night, so you should just… just go…"

Heero sighed and sat down next to Duo, putting his arm around him. "I won't think any less of you if you cry, you know," Heero said quietly. "I can't put myself in your shoes, but I can tell you're holding something in. Tears, anger… whatever it is, it's just going to eat away at you until you let go."

"I've never cried before in my whole damn life and I'm not about to start now!" Duo snapped harshly and then quieted himself. "I'm sorry Heero. I know this is hard but… I shouldn't be taking it out on you."

The Japanese boy looked again at Quatre's innocent face and gulped. "You're tired, Duo. Quatre won't mind you going home. You haven't been to sleep in thirty-seven hours, it's not healthy. Especially with the way you have trouble sleeping."

Duo frowned, blinking away tears. "You didn't see it, Heero…"

Heero's expression turned slightly horrified. He almost didn't want to ask for fear of what he was going to say. "See what?" he croaked hesitantly.

"The fear," Duo whispered. "When I got up to leave and get you… he pulled me back and… he couldn't tell me how frightened he was. He doesn't understand what's happened… he's so scared Heero. I've never seen him like this. The look in his eyes… blood chilling."

Heero knew as well as Duo did that Quatre just didn't get scared. He was every inch a Gundam pilot. That small, innocent looking face and frame hid all the resolve, the strength and the sheer power of his mind. If something was daunting for him, it didn't bode well for *anybody*.

A SUIVRE…