Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Two Gundams ❯ So We're Not Killing Him Why? ( Chapter 1 )

This story is number ten in my Gundam Wing adventure series. The previous stories are, in chronological order: Gundam Wing and the Knights of the Round Table; Gundam Wing and the Quest for the Holy Grail; The Magicians of Gundam Wing; Gundam Wing and the Men of Sherwood Forest; Gundam Wing and the Gods of Thunder; Gundam Wing on Mount Olympus; Gundam Wing in the Wild, Wild West; Gundam Wing goes to Hogwarts and The Fellowship of The Gundam. The latter story is the first in a trilogy (no surprise) re-telling the classic Lord of the Rings trilogy. If you read this story without reading the others first, or at least the last one, you might be very confused.

Disclaimer: This is an original work of fiction, but the characters of Heero Yuy, Duo Maxwell, Wu-Fei Chang, Trowa Barton, Quatre Reberba Winner, Zechs Merquise and Treize Kushranada are borrowed from Gundam Wing AC by Hajime Yatate and Yoshiyuki Tomino and produced by Sunrise. Roku, on the other hand, is totally my creation, as are Alexa, Hadeya and Jett. Other Gundam Wing characters, like Sally Po and Lucretzia Noin, who might appear or be mentioned are also borrowed from Gundam Wing by Yatate-sama and Tomino-sama. Everyone else is made up by me, the author.

Additional Disclaimer: All the characters from The Lord of the Rings were created by J.R.R. Tolkien and produced by various publishers.

Warnings: This is a comedy, but you'll have to watch out for implied yaoi, not-so-implied yaoi, sexual innuendo, adult situations, occasional swearing, a general lack of respect for “decent” behavior and a noticeable tendency toward mayhem and destruction.

Addendum: This is a continuation of my second cross-over with the boys and it seems to be going pretty well. Of course, I'm starting that long, tedious middle bit that feels somewhat like filler. Please bear with me. Remember my source material.

You've gotta love it: I've gotten a friend to draw smutty pictures of the protagonists from one of my original fiction yaoi stories. Is this a great country or what?

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Chapter 1: So We're Not Killing Him Why?

“I think we're lost,” Sam grumbled. “We've not gotten any closer to that stinking bog than we were this morning. Or yesterday.”

“The term lost really only applies if you have a firm destination in mind,” Hadeya offered helpfully. “Otherwise, you're simply exploring potential paths that might lead in a generally useful direction.”

“We have a firm destination!” Sam exclaimed. He pointed at the smoldering, red, smoky horizon. “We need to go there! But to do that we have to get out of these stupid mountains first.”

“I suppose so,” Hadeya said. “But I always find young mountain ranges are the best place to look for loops of Jormangand. Jagged mountains like these usually form in places where he's recently turned over; say in the last one or two hundred thousand years or so.”

“Loops of what?” Frodo asked in confusion.

“How could someone turning over cause mountains to form?” Sam echoed in equal confusion.

“Jormangand is the Midgard Serpent,” Hadeya explained. “He exists under the earth pretty much everywhere, but sometimes parts of him get close to the surface and are exposed by erosion. It's always fun when you spot a loop. I like to tickle him, although sometimes that causes earthquakes in other parts of the world.”

Sam and Frodo exchanged a look.

“I think we should get moving,” Frodo said. “Let's go that way.” He pointed toward a ravine that sloped down steeply between two low peaks.

“I suppose we could go that way,” Hadeya said, “but I thought you wanted to get to the swamp.”

“We do!”

“Well then, I suggest we go this way.” Hadeya nodded toward the drop-off of a sheer cliff. “If we go down there, we'll end up in a flood channel that drains straight into the swamp.”

Sam walked to the edge and looked over. “Are you insane?! That fall would kill us!”

Hadeya looked over and pursed his lips. “I suppose you haven't done a lot of mountaineering, have you?” He looked up at the sky. “And it looks like rain, too, which means the flood channel may decide to serve its purpose and drown us. Very well, we can take the long way, I suppose.”

“The long way?!” Sam choked. Muttering under his breath, he turned and stumped off toward the ravine Frodo wanted to take. Frodo shrugged and followed him. Hadeya brought up the rear with an amused expression.

It did start raining that afternoon, so they found an overhang to crouch under until the storm passed. When they were able to start moving again, Hadeya climbed up above their path to look down into the canyon he'd wanted to take.

“Good call on the flood channel, Sam,” he called down to the others. “It looks like a white water river down there now.”

Sam muttered something his gaffer would probably have clouted him for and kept moving. When night fell, they looked for a relatively dry spot to make camp, but everything was damp and what little vegetation there was showed no interest at all in catching fire.

“Unfortunately,” Hadeya said apologetically, “my demigod powers do not extend to magic. Without Quatre, Roku or Wu-Fei, we're never going to get this stuff to burn. It looks like a cold, damp night for us.”

Sam and Frodo nodded mournfully. The three of them huddled against the base of a cliff out of the wind and munched on Elven waybread and sipped water from their canteens. A short while later, the sound of rocks skittering down a cliff made all three of them stop in mid-chew and look in the direction of the sound.

“I think someone's out there,” Frodo whispered.

“I think you're right,” Sam whispered back. “What should we do?”

“Wait,” Hadeya said. “This spot is defensible.”

They heard nothing else, but when they were done eating, Hadeya indicated that they should all roll up in their cloaks and pretend to sleep. They did not have to wait long. Eventually, they could all hear the sound of someone muttering and hissing above them, climbing slowly and carefully directly down the face of the cliff above them.

“Now!” Hadeya cried, and the three of them jumped up and grabbed the interloper.

“Ah!” the skinny little man squealed. He kicked and bit and scratched like a wild animal, all the while trying to leap onto Frodo.

Finally, Frodo yanked out his sword and held it to the creature's throat. “Stop!”

To everyone's surprise, the skeletal gray may, no bigger than the hobbits, began to cry.

Hadeya blinked in astonishment. “Who the hell is this?”

“It's Gollum,” Frodo said.

Hadeya's astonishment turned to annoyance. “This is Gollum? We should have let Father kill him. But we can certainly correct that mistake now.” He reached for his belt knife.

“Wait!” Frodo said. He held up his hand. “Gollum, you've been in Mordor, haven't you? You know how to reach the Black Gate.”

Gollum nodded obsequiously. “Yes! Yes! Gollum knows the way! Gollum can show you!”

“We can't trust him!” Sam exclaimed. “He'll slit our throats in our sleep!”

“My point exactly,” Hadeya agreed wholeheartedly. “Let's slit his throat and toss him over a cliff.” Sam nodded vigorously.

“No!” Frodo said firmly. He looked Gollum in the eye. “Gollum will do as he's told if he swears on the ring. Won't you Gollum?”

Gollum nodded vigorously and launched into a whiny, rambling statement about The Precious and swearing and keeping his word. Hadeya and Sam exchanged a look, but Frodo was adamant. So Sam tied Gollum up with his Elven rope and they all went to sleep, although it was hard since they had to listen to Gollum crying all night about how the rope burned him. In the morning, they set out, following Gollum's lead once he was let off his leash because pretty much everybody was sick of listening to him whine by then.

Gollum led the way down a series of canyons, some of them quite steep, until eventually they came out onto the edge of the dank, foul-smelling swamp. “Stay close now!” he hissed. “It's treacherous and only Gollum knows the way across. Not even nasty orcses know the way.” He began to pick his way out into the marsh on ground that wasn't always dry, but held up firmly under their feet.

Sam looked down into the water. “There are faces down there!” he exclaimed.

“Where?” Hadeya asked.

“Right there!” Sam pointed.

Frodo looked. “They must be dead, but they look like they're just sleeping.”

“Don't look at the dead people!” Gollum warned. “They'll drag you down and drown you!”

“What the hell are you people talking about?” Hadeya snapped irritably. “There's nothing in the water.”

Sam stared at him. “You don't see anything?!”

“Well,” Hadeya studied the water for a moment. “I see this.” He reached into the water and pulled out a gleaming human thigh bone. “I'll agree that whoever this used to belong to is most certainly dead, but I've never thought of a pile of bones as being asleep.”

“But…” Sam sputtered. “That's not what I saw!” He stared into the water again, but Gollum made an irritating swallowing sound in his throat.

“Must keep moving! Must not stand around in the open!” He scurried several paces along their path and gestured sharply.

Sam started after him, but Frodo kept staring into the water. Abruptly, he started to totter forward. Hadeya grabbed his shoulder and Frodo started, as if waking from sleep.

“What?” Frodo exclaimed groggily. He looked around, blinking in confusion.

“I think you should do as Gollum says and not look at the dead people,” Hadeya advised. He propelled Frodo after the other two.

It was hard to judge the time as they crept through the reeking bog, following narrow paths of reasonably firm ground between tiny islands covered in scrub brush and insects. They stopped on one of these islands to eat. They'd only been there a short while when the air was split by a bone-chilling shriek that caused ripples in the stagnant water.

“Hide!” Gollum shrieked in response. He dove under the nearest bush, trembling in terror.

Frodo clutched at his chest and gasped in pain, his face turning pale. Sam and Hadeya grabbed his arms and dragged him under another bush, scrunching in beside him. Overhead, a reptilian-looking creature with wide leathery wings and a long, snake-like neck swooped overhead, the downdraft from the flap of its giant wings blasting the underbrush.

“Impressive,” Hadeya murmured. “I think that's one of those Ringwraiths. That's certainly a better ride than a horse.”

“That's hardly a good thing!” Sam exclaimed in a harsh whisper.

“I didn't say that,” Hadeya whispered back. “I'm just acknowledging that this puts us at a tactical disadvantage.”

Sam rolled his eyes and held on tightly to Frodo's hand. When the creature finally flew away, they crawled back out from under the bushes. “We'll have to keep a sharp eye out,” Sam said.

“And no fire while we're still in the marsh,” Hadeya added. “We'd be way too easy to spot from a distance.”

Sam nodded mournfully. “A cold night in a filthy bog. What I wouldn't give for one warm night by a hearth fire back in the Shire.”

“Me, too, Sam,” Frodo echoed. His color had returned and he was sitting up.

“Time to go! Time to go!” Gollum said. “It's a long way across!”

“I wonder how the others are getting on,” Sam said. “I daresay it has to be better than this.”

But in fact, that was not the case. Far across the mountain range, well past the lake, and far out into the plains beyond, the other members of the Fellowship, along with the Gundam pilots and their kids, were dashing full-speed along a sparkling trail of glowing tiger paw prints.

“That really is a useful talent,” Duo said as he raced along with Jett on his back.

“But are we getting any closer?” Gimli grunted. He was managing to keep up with the rest of them, but his shorter legs were churning along desperately to maintain the pace.

“Hard to say,” Aragorn responded. “But I estimate we've come about fifteen leagues so far.”

“Is that all?!” Gimli wheezed. “I thought we would be back at Rivendell by now!”

“Not quite,” Aragorn replied, “but I think we must be getting close to Fangorn Forest.”

“Roku's coming back,” Duo interrupted.

Roku appeared a moment later, trotting along his own glowing paw prints. “I smell horses and men,” he reported. “Lots of them. I think they're going to intersect our path.”

“Are they approaching the Uruk-hai?” Legolas asked worriedly. “They might try to fight them.”

“I have to stop,” Duo said. “I can't mind-read and run at the same time.” He skidded to a halt and closed his eyes. Everyone else stopped, too.

“That's a stupid limitation,” Heero muttered.

“Everybody stop thinking!” Duo snapped. “I'm trying to listen.”

Gimli blinked. “How is one supposed to not think?”

“I wouldn't think that would be your greatest worry,” Legolas said.

“What?”

“Starting again should pose a greater concern.”

“What?!”

“I said shut up!” Duo exclaimed.

“Ow!” Legolas and Gimli both squinted in pain.

“Perhaps we should have mentioned that he can project,” Wu-Fei murmured.

“What do you mean?” Legolas asked, very carefully keeping his voice down. He was still rubbing his forehead.

“It's rather like getting poked in the head,” Wu-Fei explained. “It hurts if he does it hard enough.”

“I see.”

“I'm reading several hundred men, I think,” Duo said without opening his eyes. “And I'm pretty sure they know about the Uruk-hai. It sounds like they might be planning to ambush them.” He turned his head slightly to the side. “I think the Uruk-hai have stopped. It sounds like they're making camp and…” He frowned, “eating somebody.”

“Not one of the hobbits?!” Gimli exclaimed in horror.

“No.” Duo shook his head firmly and opened his eyes. “One of their own. I could hear the hobbits. It's hard to pick them up over this distance, but I'm pretty sure it was both of them.”

“Oh, that's a relief.”

“But if those men attack the Uruk-hai, they might kill the hobbits, too,” Treize said.

“We have to reach them before that happens!” Aragorn said. “Let's go!”

The group took off running again, but they had not caught up by dawn, and as the day got lighter, everyone could see smoke rising ahead of them.

“What's burning, Roku?” Heero demanded.

“Meat,” Roku said. “And the horsemen are coming this way.”

As he said it, a large force of riders crested the hill in front of them. Immediately, the riders spread out and surrounded the group on foot. Spears pointed inward, the riders hemmed them in until they were pressed close together.

“We're tracking a large group of orcs,” Aragorn said quickly. “They've kidnapped two friends of ours.”

“They were small,” Gimli added. “They'd look like children to you.”

One of the horsemen nudged forward and dismounted. He took off his helmet, revealing long, blond hair hanging around a stern, tired face. “We killed the orcs,” he said. “We piled the carcasses and burned them.” He pointed toward the column of smoke. “We saw no children among them, but none were spared. I'm sorry.”

“No!” Gimli cried.

“I'll go,” Quatre said. He slipped into falcon form and zipped away.

One soldier tracked him with a drawn bow, but before he could shoot, Trowa leaped in the air, did a flip with a half-twist and landed behind him on his horse. He calmly plucked the arrow off the string.

“None of that, please,” he said.

There was an outburst among the horsemen, but the man who had dismounted shouted them back to order.

He scowled at Aragorn. “Just who are you?”

“I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn. My companions and I are on a quest for Elrond of Rivendell. But at the moment, we seek to rescue our two companions, as I said.”

“But that one,” the man indicated the departed Quatre. “He's a wizard?”

“Aye, but trustworthy,” Aragorn replied.

“You've not told us your name, horse lord,” Gimli grunted.

“I am Eomer, nephew to King Theoden of Rohan.” He scowled. “But these are not good times. Few men are safe in these lands which once thrived under our hooves. I can spare you a few horses, if you desire them, but not enough to carry you all.”

“A few is most appreciated, Eomer,” Aragorn said.

Eomer beckoned and two horses trotted forward. “Good luck in your quest.” He remounted his horse and he and his men rode away.

“Let's go!” Gimli said and he immediately raced off.

Quickly, they arrived at the scene of a slaughter. The ground was trampled, torn and stained with black orc blood. In the middle was a huge pile of charred bodies, still smoldering and stinking. Quatre circled high above it, scanning the area. He swooped down and landed as they stumbled to a halt.

“I don't see any sign of them,” he said. “Do you smell them Roku?”

Roku walked away from the pile. “I think they went this way.”

Aragorn joined him, examining the ground. “Look here,” he said. “This impression was made by a hobbit.” He scrambled to another spot. “And this!” He looked up, excited. “I think you're right. They ran this way.” He ran to the edge of the forest, a tangled dark wall of tree branches that seemed to reach out for them.

Gimli swallowed. “They went in there? That place looks evil.”

“Fangorn is an old forest,” Legolas said. “It has seen much misery and the trees remember.”

“I don't like it, Mommy,” Alexa whimpered. “It's scary.”

Zechs picked her up. “Don't worry, sweetheart. You're always safe with us.”

Jett clung to Duo's leg and he picked her up, too. “Those trees do more than remember,” he said. “They're muttering, too.”

“Indeed?” Treize said. “Talking trees. That's unusual.”

“Are there any sprites in there, Heero?” Wu-Fei said. “Perhaps they could put in a good word for us.”

Heero scowled, but he walked to the edge of the forest and leaned in. “Hey!” he shouted. “It's me! Anybody in there?”

He waited and almost immediately, half a dozen little gray-green sprites appeared, staring at him with luminous eyes.

“Hello, Man with Many Faces!” one of the sprites trilled. “We've never seen you here before.”

“Big surprise,” he grunted. “We're looking for some hobbits. Two little men about the same size as you. They may have run in here last night.”

The sprite blinked at him. “Hobbits?” It looked at its companions. They blinked back. The sprite looked back at Heero. “We saw horses,” it offered.

“Great.” Heero turned to the others. “I don't think they're going to be able to help us find Merry and Pippin. They obviously didn't mark them.”

“What about just going into the forest?” Trowa said. “I'd rather not get killed by an angry tree.”

Heero turned back to the sprites. “So these trees seem kind of irritated. Will they do something unpleasant if we come in there?”

The sprite shrugged. “They don't like axes. But these ones don't move much anymore. They may just try to snatch off your head.” The sprite giggled. “It's funny when they do that.”

“I'd class that as unpleasant,” Treize murmured.

“We must go in anyway,” Aragorn said. “I will not stop until we have rescued Merry and Pippin.” He forged into the trees and the others followed, with varying degrees of reluctance. The sprites trotted along with them, disappearing and reappearing at random.

After traipsing a fair distance into the forest, Legolas sidled closer to Aragorn. “The White Wizard is here,” he murmured.

Aragorn nodded. He drew his sword. Legolas drew an arrow from his quiver.

Roku sat down on his haunches and started grooming.

“Um, Roku,” Wu-Fei said. “The White Wizard is a bad guy.”

“He doesn't smell bad,” Roku said. “He smells like Gandalf.”

“What?”

“Now!” Aragorn cried. He whirled around swinging his sword. Legolas whirled around and shot his arrow. The arrow missed, and Aragorn cried out and dropped his sword as it turned white hot.

Bathed in a brilliant white glow, the White Wizard stepped forward and revealed himself to be… Gandalf.

“Told you,” Roku said.

“Gandalf!” Aragorn cried. “But… We saw you fall!”

“I did fall,” Gandalf said. His eyes lost focus. “I fell for a long time.” He proceeded to tell the story of what happened to him in Moria. Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli listened in rapt awe. The Gundam pilots listened with open skepticism.

“Are you kidding me?” Quatre muttered to Trowa. “'Smote his ruin upon the mountainside'?” He rolled his eyes. “Who talks like that?”

“Have respect for the formerly dead,” Treize admonished.

“Sorry.”

“But,” Gandalf concluded, “I must tell you that your current quest is over. The hobbits are safe but beyond your reach. I have another task for you now.”

“But where are they?” Gimli cried.

“They follow their own path now,” Gandalf said. “But don't despair. You will see them again. For now, we must go with all haste to Edoras. Saruman has stretched his hand into the very heart of Rohan and we must oust him `ere he destroys that fabled realm.”

“There he goes again,” Quatre grumbled.

“Hush,” Trowa murmured.

They all walked back to the edge of Fangorn, coming out some distance from the dead orcs. The horses Eomer had loaned them trotted down to meet them.

Gandalf pursed his lips and uttered a long musical whistle. A moment later, a beautiful white stallion galloped toward them across the plains, his long mane and tail flowing in the breeze of his passage. “This is Shadowfax…” he began pompously.

“How pretty!” Jett squealed.

The stallion skidded to a halt and reared in terror.

“Jett!”

“Sorry!”

Trowa trotted toward the skittish horse. “Sorry about that,” he said in common horse. Then he switched to high horse. “Our youngest child meant to offer you her greeting, o mighty one.”

The stallion pawed the ground and tossed his head. “Well, I must admit I was a bit startled,” he replied, also speaking high horse. “But she seems a sweet human child. I came because I was summoned by one who is known to me.” He trotted up to Gandalf, who patted him on the nose. “His speech is a little faulty, but I respect his wisdom.”

Trowa blinked several times. “Gandalf is honored by men as well,” he replied.

“What's he saying, Trowa?” Quatre asked curiously.

“That he respects Gandalf,” Trowa replied.

Gandalf stared at him. “You speak to horses?”

“I speak to all animals,” Trowa said. He turned back to Shadowfax. “There are quite a few more of us than we have horses to carry us. We need to travel swiftly to Edoras. Might you be able to help out?”

“Of course,” Shadowfax whinnied. He trumpeted a loud neigh that echoed across the plains. Not long after, they could all hear the thunder of hooves and horses soon appeared galloping toward them from all directions. In seemingly no time at all, the entire party was mounted and riding, most of them bareback, across the rolling grasslands.

“This is certainly a lot easier than running,” said Legolas, relaxing comfortably on the back of his galloping horse. “Wouldn't you say, Gimli?”

“I'd rather run,” Gimli replied and he promptly fell off his horse.